Developmental chapter 11
How fathers act
Fathers on average spend more time with their sons, play in rough and tumble ways father as a caregiver revolution occurred about 25 years ago in 1970 men did not respond well, 1980 stepped in more. Statistically speaking child care is still mainly a female job, women to twice as much hands on care as men based on society's expectations it seems likely that mothers typically continue to take bottom line responsibility
Divorce
Has specific phases must weigh the costs of leaving against the benefits there is an overload of over changes, a need to move, perhaps find a different better paying job , legal hassles, trouble telling other people Women usually get primary custody ( difficult for dad to maintain a relationship)
The united state
In the Us cohabitation and staying single are seen as less appealing than having a wedding ring 8/10 us youth plan to get married before you get married: have a solid sense of identity, financially secure Lack of decent jobs is a major reason why many low income fathers and mothers never wed Another goal is managing to stay married for life
What statistical forces predict how involved a given father is likely to be ?
Looking at other men's gender role conceptions helps us understand what kind of father they might be, highly religious dads with traditional views avoid the dirty work Another influence is in non child-care demands in the couples lives, when women work more, men do more at home Third influence is the attitudes of their partner. If wives are discouraging or set impossible high standards, they put up serious barriers to their husbands hands on care. - to understand this we need to adopt the developmental systems approach and look at how a man views his role
Marital dissatisfaction
Sense of over sacrificing that is centered on different parenting styles - having a child amplifies what ever arguments and emotions are present pre-birth
Why has fertility dropped?
The stalled progress people are making towards adulthood. In Italy, Spain and Greece, due to the economic crisis, they youth don't have the resources when they prize material goods as the key to happiness like in Singapore, young people are unwilling to
how to stay passionate
We can teach people ro preserve passion and intimacy by encouraging couples to share exciting activities that expand the self. The secret is to engage in flow inducing activities We count on our relationship to bring out our best self , this suggests that keeping marital passion alive may not demand sharing concrete activities, it might just involve being interested in growing as a person and sharing your flow states with a mate.
Longer working hours
Went from 40 hours a week at the beginning of the 20th century to 49 on his so called 40 hour a week job. Why? Competition pressure favor working longer hours. Furthermore, as companies continue to shed parts of their labor force, each individual worker has more to do. The technology revolution has played a part
How fatherhood has changed
When women first entered the workforce, it became honorable for fathers to change diapers and be the breadwinners The new nurturer father became a masculine ideal , we expect fathers to be good sex role models giving boys an idea of how men should behave
Women work vs men
Women have a more erratic less continuous "careers". Because of the primary nurturer position, women are more likely to move in and out of the workforce or to part time. Wives may see their work role as secondary to a spouse The work world is separated into women's and men's jobs, there is occupational segregation we still classify male and female jobs. 98% percent of secretaries and child care workers are women. Female type jobs have lower wages 82.4% of males salaries for same time. This wage gap applies within comparable college majors
Traditional stable career
a career path in which people settle into their permanent life's work in their twenties and often stay with the same organization until they retire
Commitment core quality
a core quality in relationship success being dedicated to a partner's inner growth involves sacrifice includes the ability to forgive ( forgiving a partner who has let you down can lead to feeling better about their own lives) Not forgiving had long term consequences, women who held onto their anger led to counterproductive arguments , disappointments lie simmering and waiting to re-erupt
Demand-withdraw interaction
a pathological type of communication in which one partner, most often the woman presses for more intimacy and the other person most often the man tends to back off. The demander is not responding sensitively to the other person's cues, she has a preoccupied/ambivalent attachment style and her partner has an avoidant/dismissive approach
U-shaped curve of marital satisfaction
after it dips to a low point, couples get happier at the empty nest and they can focus on each other again, and the curve can swing up even more at retirement.
marriage throughout history
based on practical concerns , many marriages were arranged Life expectancy low that the typical marriage only lasted a decade ...medical advances allowed people to routinely live into later life, people got married and their twenties Traditional 1950 marriage was leave it to beaver marriage, with defined gender roles Last third of twentieth century western ideas about marriage took another turn , women should have careers and husbands, we rejected the idea that people should stay in an unhappy marriage. a late twentieth century change that social scientists call the deinstitutionalization of marriage
Triangular theory of love
break adult love relationships into three components robert sternberg's categorization of love relationships into three facets: passion, intimacy and commitment.
Elderly couples
couples fight less than middle aged couples Happy elderly couples actually embody many of the good love relationship principles spelled out in chapter 10, they idealize their partners Elderly spouses are similar enough to feel each other's pain , strong correlation between being married and living longer, especially with happy marriages and living longer , even mutes feelings of distress with old age disabilities
Positive outcomes of divorce
emotional growth and enhance efficacy feelings provides relief to people who were very unhappy
Marital equality
fairness in the work of a couple's life together. If a relationship lacks equity, with one partner doing significantly more that the other, the outcome is typically marital dissatisfaction.
Intimacy
feelings of closeness , with intamcy alone we feel caring like we feel with a best friend
Househusbands
husbands who s who assume primary caregiving responsibilities
Consummate love
love that combines passion, intimacy and commitment. In robert sternberg's triangular theory of love, in which couples relationship involves all three of the major facets of love: passion, intimacy and commitment.
Parenthood studies
makes couples less intimate and happy. Babies are stressful → produces more traditional ( and potentially conflict-ridden) marital roles. tends to make gender roles more distinct, wife may leave job or reduce hours at work , provoke conflicts centered on marital equality.
Traditional middle eastern model
male-dominated Lifestyle revolution has not penetrated islamic nations, such as egypt and iran Women can go to university, however when she is married she is expected to stay home
Scandinavian social norm
marriage doesn't matter More than half of all babies being born to single mothers , children is irrelevant to getting a wedding ring. Cohabitation outpacing marriage Living single and cohabiting are fully acceptable
Mothering myths
motherhood is happy.. mothers of young children report the lowest levels of day to day happiness motherhood makes you mature .. people become more distressed The ideal of being calm and nurturing... motherhood destroy basic conceptions women have about themselves. They cant fit their motherhood ideals especially if they're child has a bad temperament
Fewer children
nowadays people have the choice to not do this, which can result in decline in fertility rates in developed countries - are just as happy in old age, doesnt change married life
The main marital pathway
ownhill and then up Many enter marriage with blissful expectations, then disenchantment sets in
Romantic love
passion plus intimacy
MArital satisfaction
peak during the honeymoon then decreases , steepest during the first few years but after 4 years have passed the divorce danger zone In the first year or two couples are in the phase of clear cut attachment ,are madly in love Couples who pass the four year mark are not out of the woods, spouses cope with the pressure of work and the stresses of raising children on average there is a steady be slower decline in love . Child reaching puberty = dip in happiness. There is still hope, U-shaped curve of marital satisfaction
What might these people be missing in life ?
people with billionaire parents or high degrees are not able to live up to their career potential as people get better educated inner attitudes such as self esteem, optimistic or depressed, has a powerful influence on future wages If a young person had poor self esteem, felt depressed and had low self efficacy there were no income advantages of finishing college at all
High status job
predicts life satisfaction in males, but in females having a high status job does not predict more happiness than women who work low status jobs such as teachers.
Intimacy plus commitment
produces companionate marriages
chronic stresser
psychologists often label divorce as a --- in women's lives
parents of our generation
reports of mothers involvement over the past 40 years discovered that mothers today spend more time with their children then a generation ago. Including single moms They tend to cut back on social activities and sometimes their spouse, which is why it can make the marriage suffer
Why is consummate love fragile
s familiarity increases passion naturally falls off. Sternberg's theory tells us why marriages normally get less happy over time , only a fraction of couples 1/10 manage to stay passionate for decades
Passion
sexual arousal , with passion alone we have a crush
Deinstitutionalization of marriage
the decline in marriage and the emergence of alternate family forms that occurred during the last third of the twentieth century. Turning marriage into a more optional choice Example Before women could not have a baby without being married, nowadays ⅖ women having babies out of wedlock and take longer to marry after giving birth
Media and motherhood
the world provides women with an airbrushed view of motherhood the media, friends, family members and experts amplify mother's distress
How to tell if a marriage will last
there are three communication styles that distinguish thriving relationship from those that are fated for problems ]Gottman discovered that when the ratio of positive to negative interactions dips well below 5 to 1 t Happy couples don't get personal when they disagree unhappy couples personalize their conflicts → Happy couples are sensitive to their partners need for space. Trouble occurs when one person pushed for more emotional involvement and the other tried to back off.deman withdraw interaction
Boundaryless career
today's most common career path for western workers, in which people change jobs or professions periodically during their working lives has its advantage, people are not locked into a single occupation and can be more satisfied, but its downside is how it contributes to job insecurity
Breadwinner role
traditional concept that a man's job is to support a wife and children
Commitment
typically marriages, but also in exclusive, lifelong cohabiting relationships
Why people divorce
typically say they have communication problems such as lack of attachment Often leaving is caused by an extramarital affair
