EXAM 2

Examples of Turning Points

(1) Activities and special occasions i.e. - meeting a partner's family, spending an important holiday, or special event with a partner. (2) Proximity and Distance i.e. - separations and reunions (3) Crisis and conflict i.e. - major fights, crisis situations, support and sacrifice

Why do couples in on-off relationships break up?

(1.) Conflict - fights, arguments, disagreements (2.) Characteristic about the partner or the self - identifying negative traits about the partner, or deciding that self want to be single, not having the same feeling, not finding as attractive (3.) Dissatisfaction with time spent together - partner desire spending different amounts of time together, the time spent together still quality (4). Pursuing alternatives - wanting a specific person or wanting the freedom to find new partners (5.) Stagnation - expression boredom, not evolving, in a rut (6.) External factors - career opportunities, other stressors, family dissaproving

What are the different levels of person-centered messages?

(1.) Highly person-centered (2.) Moderately person-centered (3.) Low person-centered

Negative consequences of Secret-Keeping

(1.) Lowered self-esteem and mental health issues - Secret keeping promotes rumination about a negative aspect of the self. (2.) Lower quality interaction with people from whom the secret is kept - Awkwardness, avoidance. How much does it seek into the relationship (3.) Concealment of relational problems/deception - Desire to pretend "everything is fine", desire lie to maintain/save face (both potentially very stressful )

What are the different types of secrets (i.e. from whom secrets are kept)

(1.) relationship issues (e.g., relationship norms, the state and future of the relationship, the amount of attention to the relationship) (2.) negative experiences or failures (e.g., past experiences that may be considered socially unacceptable or were traumatic) (3.) romantic relationship experiences (e.g., past or present romantic relationships and dating patterns) (4.) sexual experiences (e.g., past or present sexual activity or sexual preferences) (5.) friendships (e.g., current friendships with others, the qualities of the friendship, the activities engaged in together) (6.) dangerous behavior (e.g., behaviors that are potentially hurtful to oneself)

How is closeness communicated?

1. Affectionate communication 2. Immediacy behaviors 3. Supportive communication

6 dimensions of self-disclosure

1. Depth 2. Breadth 3. Frequency 4. Duration 5. Valence 6. Veracity

Strenberg's Triangular Theory of Love Assumptions:

1. The amount of love one experiences depends on the strength of the three components. 2. The type of love one experiences depends on components' strengths relative to each other. 3. A relationship based on a single component is less likely to be satisfying in the long term than one based on multiple components.

What are the three types of closeness?

3 Types of closeness: (1.) Physical (2.) Emotional (3.) Relational

Moderately person-centered messages

Acknowledge the distressed person's feelings, but these messages do not help the distressed person contextualize or elaborate on the situation. Less effective in providing comfort. Example: "I'll bet the test was really hard so you shouldn't feel so bad."

Paradox of affection

Although affection is often intended and usually perceived by others to be a positive communicative move, it can backfire and produce negative outcomes such as distress and relationship dissolution. For instance, showing affection too early in a relationship can scare potential friends and romantic partners away.

Relational Closeness

Being interdependent in terms of exchanging resources and intimacy; meeting each other's needs; and influencing one another's thoughts, behaviors, and emotions.

Liking

Characterized by affection, trust, respect, feeling comfortable around one another, and enjoying spending time together

veracity of disclosure

Characterized by how honest or deceptive self-disclosure is. True self-disclosure is honest in that it reveals something real about oneself to others, in addition, honest self-disclosure is the only real path for developing closeness. In the beginning of relationships there are times when people give false or misleading information to others that passes as self-disclosure.

Frequency of disclosure

Characterized by how how often people self-disclose. Frequent self-disclosure can lead to liking and relationship development. Disclosure can occur over meditated forms of communications such as text and social media.

Breadth of disclosure

Characterized by the number and range of topics discussed. In the intimate layer of disclosure individuals can talk about anything with. Breadth is less on the social and personal layer and on the superficial layer range of topics limited by need to stay safe at the core and avoidance of revealing the "real you".

Duration of disclosure

Characterized how long people self-disclose. A relationship high in duration but limited frequency of the interaction that allows you to confidently engage in self-disclosure that is high in both depth and duration. Example: talking to a stranger on a plan, taking an uber.

Cognative Valence Theory

Cognitive valence theory (CVT) helps explain why people respond to increases in immediacy positively in some cases and negatively in others by examining six cognitive valencers: (1) culture (2) personality (3) the rewardingness of the partner (4) the relationship (5) the situation (6) temporary states Cognitive valencers can be thought of as templates or knowledge structures that people use to help them evaluate behavior as appropriate or inappropriate and welcome or unwelcome.

Happy, unstable relationship

Current outcome is higher than CL but lower than CLalt

Unhappy, stable relationship

Current outcome is higher than CLalt but lower than CL

Happy, stable relationship

Current outcome is higher than both CL and CLalt

An unhappy, unstable relationship

Current outcome is lower than both CL and CLalt

Depth of disclosure

Degree of intimacy related to a topic. What is the level of details and thoughts related to disclosure of a topic.

Advice Source

Expertise -Are you qualified to give advice on this issue? If not help them find that expertise. Confidence - Can you communicate confidence in your solution? Message needs to be convincing and reassuring. Closeness - Do you have a close relationship?

Flourishing Relationships

Good relationships continue to get better due to the concerted effort of both partners. You are able to fulfill both motivations. Many delights(rewards) and few aggravations(costs).

Emotional Closeness

Having a sense of shared feelings, experiences, trust, enjoyment, concern, and caring in a relationship. There is want to disclosure information to partner.

Reciprocity of disclosure

How much info we reveal in response to the self-disclosure of someone, sharing secrets/feelings facilitates emotional closeness.

Delays in reciprocation

In longer term relationships, where trust and understanding has been established there are delays in reciprocation. The delayed reciprocity is viewed and normal and the uncertainty is low. There is "give and take" in long term relationships so there is no need for constant reciprocation.

Social Penetration Theory in relationships

In order for meaningful relationships to develop, we must allow ourselves to become vulnerable to another person. Vulnerability means opening up ones self for possible rejection or criticism. Vulnerability peels away layers of onion.

loving

Includes all the things involved with liking and a stronger emotional attachment, willingness to make sacrifices, emotional interdependence, behavioral interdependence

Interdependence Theory- Core Assumptions

Individuals evaluate their overall outcomes. Overall outcomes are all the rewards you receive in a relationship whether intangible or tangible (financial security, happiness, sexual satisfaction), and all of the costs, intangible or tangible (sacrifices, negatives). Individuals evaluate overall outcomes on two standards: 1. Comparison level of relationship- what someone expects out of a relationship, what we think a relationship should look like. 2. Comparison level of alternatives- Individuals compare romantic partner to other potential romantic partners (potential partner may be perceived or real) -The more partner outcomes exceed the expectations they have in regards to the relationship ideals and specific individual the greater their satisfaction in the relationship and attractiveness. -The greater outcomes exceed perceived outcomes offered by alternatives(other individuals) the greater dependence is on a relationship.

Preoccupied: The Emotional Style

Individuals with a preoccupied attachment style have positive models of others but negative models of themselves ("You're okay but I'm not okay"). These individuals are overly dependent on relationships. Preoccupied individuals are characterized by "an insatiable desire to gain others' approval and a deep-seated feeling of unworthiness". Their relational identities often are much stronger than their self-identities; they need to have a relationship with someone to feel worthwhile. Characteristics: -Overly involved in relationships + overly dependent on their partners -Want excessive intimacy; worry that partners do not care enough for them -View relationships as more important than personal goals and activities -Cling to relationships because they are afraid their partner will abandon them. -Tend to be overly disclosive and overly sensitive -During conflict, exhibit demanding, nagging behavior and express negative emotion with aggression or passive aggression. Reinforcement Effect: By escalating intimacy too quickly, they push partners away, thereby reinforcing that they are unworthy of love

Secure attachment: The prosocial style

Infants use the mother as a home base from which to explore when all is well, but seek physical comfort and consolation from her if frightened or threatened. Adult: Individuals with a secure attachment style have positive models of themselves and others ("I'm okay and you're okay"). Secure individuals feel good about themselves and their relationships, and they display "high self-esteem and an absence of serious interpersonal problems". These individuals have the capacity for close, fulfilling relationships. Characteristic: -Desire a balance between autonomy and closeness. -Are comfortable being single or in a relationship. -Likely to engage in compromise and problem-solving during the conflict -Are likely skilled communicators -Disclosures, expression of emotions, etc. Reinforcement Effect: Because they are confident and expressive, people react to them positively, reinforcing positive models of self and others

Knapp's Staircase Model of Relationship Stages

Initiating, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, bonding, differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, terminating

Limitations of Turning Point Analysis

Less predictive power than a stage model. We know that turning points change close relationships, but it is difficult to predict (often impossible) what the turning point will be and what kind of change it will produce. Relationships are dynamic and unique.

Effective Verbal Support Messages

Messages that combine high person-centeredness and high levels of nonverbal immediacy are likely to be most effective in comforting a distressed person.

When does disclosure lead to liking and when does it not?

More disclosure does not guarantee more liking. Key aspects to understand where disclosure will be received well is the timing of disclosure, whether is disclosure is personalistic vs indiscriminate, and the receivers response.

Precarious Relationships

Really compelling rewards so lots of attractions, passions, and pleasures. They also experience a lot of doubts and many discords the pleasure is going to be infused with a lot of uncertainty. Achieving approach motivations and cannot avoid the bad parts. Fulfills approach motivations cannot fulfill avoidemce motivations

Physical Closeness

Refers to the amount of spatial proximity and physical contact with people that are shared.

What are the different motivation for secret-keeping?

Relationship-based motivations Individual-based motivations Information-based motivations

Interdependence Theory: Outcomes = Rewards - Costs

Rewards can be a sense of acceptance, support, and companionship etc. Costs loss of attractiveness to partner, negativity, lack of autonomy We want the very best outcomes but don't level unless there is a better alternative (single or prospect included) We evaluate outcomes based on: (1.)Comparison level (measures satisfaction) - based on experiences (2.)Comparison level for alternatives (determines dependence on relationship) Considerations: (1.)Investments -house, time, affirmation, respect (2.)Perceptions of alternatives - the prospect of other partners are determined by your own perspective (a)Self-esteem - you might not think you have a lot of prospects, or you think that you have many prospects (b)Access to information

Rewards and costs in terms of relationships

Rewards: Approach motivations- we actively pursue pleasure, and we feel good approaching. Pleasure is the result of achieving our approach goals. We want to have sex with our partner so we seek sex Costs: Avoidance motivations - we actively seek to avoid punishment and pain. Pain results from failing to reach our avoidance goals. We might not want to have sex but you do it anyway to avoid pouting. Pain and pleasure are different mechanisms and operate in different parts of the brain and are independent of each other and cause distinct emotions and distinct behaviors. They can coexist, one can be absent while the other present, and neither can exist

Secrets in Relationships

Secrets are personal information that is not disclosed to others. More than 95% of us are keeping something about ourselves from those we love. What are some common secrets in romantic relationships? (1.) Sexual history (2.) An affair (3.)Personality opinion conflicts- Perceived similarity

Closeness in relationship

Sometimes the term close, or closeness, refers to spatial proximity (e.g., living near or standing next to someone). Other times closeness refers to the type of relationship people share or the way people feel about each other. Closeness is indicating and predicts the strength of relationships. Weaker relationships are less close and stronger relationships are more close. Closeness is vital to romantic and platonic relationships.

Bonding (coming together)

Stage of romantic relational development characterized by public commitment via social rituals. Relationships becomes "institutionalized" (could mean marriage) and their are significant barriers to break up.

Initiating (coming together)

Stage of romantic relational development in which both people behave to appear pleasant and likable. Focuses on first impressions (attraction) and communication disclosure is low in breadth, depth, frequency, and duration. If the perceived relationship is rewarding, it will continue to the next stage; if it is not rewarding, it ends there.

Integrating (coming together)

Stage of romantic relational development in which both people portray themselves as a couple. They have a relational identity and the dyad recognizes their relationships as well as outsiders. Verbal communication changes to talk about the future and uses of we. Social networks overlap and attitudes preferences align. A higher degree of comfort in disclosing (being more comfortable with your true self).

Intensifying (coming together)

Stage of romantic relational development in which both people seek to increase intimacy and connectedness. Increased content is expected and manifested through in-person contact as well as mediated (texting, calls, sharing posts). Relational partners' self-disclosure increases (deeper, more meaningful, less guarded), and relational commitment begins to manifest. Partners engage in uncertainty (reduction) and secret tests to feel how the other person feels about the relationship.

supportive communication

Supportive communication has been defined as "verbal and nonverbal behavior produced with the intention of providing assistance to others perceived as needing that aid." Listening with empathy, acknowledging others' feelings, and engaging in dialogue to help others maintain a sense of personal control. Verbal and nonverbal behaviors intended to provide assistance to others and aims to demonstrate concern and care. Emotional support involves expressing caring, concern, and empathy. Can't go wrong Esteem support is used to bolster someone's self-worth by making that person feel valued, admired, and capable. Informational support entails giving specific advice, including facts and information that might help someone solve a problem. Esteem support increases a partner's feelings of self-worth and promote feelings of value and capability. Can't go wrong Giving advice is used to provide facts and information that might help solve a problem. Can go wrong. Tangible aid occurs when people provide physical assistance, goods, or services, such as babysitting someone's children or helping someone complete a task. Network support involves directing someone to a person or group who can help them because they have had similar experiences

Commitment (Triangular Theory of Love)

The commitment component refers to the decision to love someone and the commitment to maintain that love. Because commitment is based on cognition and decision making, Sternberg referred to it as the "cool" or "cold" component. Loyalty, responsibility, living up to one's word, faithfulness, and trust were the top five descriptors of commitment, suggesting that commitment involves being there for someone over the long haul. The "cool" component Based on rational thought Gradually grows and then stabilizes Commitment is related to trust, loyalty, and faithfulness Often central to love

adult attachment styles

The different ways in which adults relate to romantic partners. Adult attachment styles are classified as secure, or preoccupied/ambivalent insecure, or avoidant/dismissive insecure. Attachment styles are the coherent patterns of emotion and social behavior that occur in close relationships. Styles have resulted from the extent to which parents exhibit caregiver attachment behaviors. Influenced by childhood attachments (same working models). Adult communication patterns reinforce their attachment style.

attachment theory

The idea that early attachments with parents and other caregivers can shape relationships for a person's whole life. We have an innate need to form attachments with others beginning in infancy. Early attachments influence future relational patterns. .Interaction children have with caregivers leads to the development of internal working models: Working model of self and Working model of others Working model of self: The degree to which a child develops an internalized sense of self-worth that is not dependent on external validation Working model of others: The degree to which a child expects others to be supportive and accepting (rather than rejecting)

structural commitment

The individual takes into consideration various external social and family reactions in deciding to either continue or terminate a relationship (commitments bound by institutions such as marriage). Characterized by barriers to leaving relationships, alternatives(what your life would look like without the relationship: housing, child care), social pressure, termination procedures(difficulties involved with dissolving the relationship), irretrievable investments.

Mania (Possessive Love)

The manic style is a combination of eros and ludus, and therefore contains elements related to passion and game-playing. Manic lovers tend to be more demanding, dependent, possessive, and jealous than people with other love styles. Characteristic: Crave love and want to be with their partners constantly. Tend to be highly possessive of their partners. Seek partners who can understand their intense feelings. Partner needs to be able to deal with emotional highs and lows. Communication aims to increase partner's closeness and commitment to the relationship. Secret tests commonly used (e.g., triangle tests). Positives: Shows passion, love, and excitement for partner Negatives: Can turn obsessive and controlling

Differentiating (coming apart)

The stage of relationship dissolution at which couples begin to view their differences as undesirable or annoying. The goal in this stage is to maintain (or re-assert) individual identity and autonomy- acting as individuals rather than as a couple. Feelings of being "tied down" or a sense of resentment about relationship commitments and an increase in conflict. Happens because people progress through the coming together stages or entering bonding stage too quickly. Not necessarily a path toward relational termination and temporary separation may solve problem.

affectionate exchange theory

This theory is based on the idea that affectionate communication is a biologically adaptive behavior that evolved because it helps people provide and obtain valuable resources necessary for survival First, affectionate communication is theorized to facilitate survival because it helps people develop and maintain relationships that provide them with important resources. Second, people who display affectionate communication are more likely to be perceived as having the skills necessary to be a good parent, thereby increasing their ability to attract potential mates and have reproductive opportunities Third, people are motivated to show affection to people who serve at least one of two basic evolutionary needs—(1) viability and (2) fertility Viability relates to the motivation to survive, whereas fertility relates to the motivation to procreate and pass on one's genes

How investment relates to reconciliation?

Two different trains of thought: (1)Research suggests that reconciliation is more likely dependent on how committed (living together, kids) you are to relationship. If you have high commitments then you are more willing to give relationships a second chance. (2)People who end relationships over serious things will be less likely to restart that relationship. If you break up over trivial things (at the beginning of a relationship) then you will be more likely to restart the relationships.

Skill in Negative Assertion

Type of communication skill for forming new relationships. Focuses on revealing negative personal information while still preserving negative face (ability to saying "no") as well as expressing hurt feelings

Directed self-disclosure

Type of self-disclosure that is "special" communication with another person and predicts reciprocity

Non-Directed Self-Disclosure

Type of self-disclosure that is common in online contexts(e.g., a message to 1,000 twitter followers) and predicts less reciprocity

Episodic Uncertainty

Uncertainty about particular events that occur in a relationship. Whether you want to be in a relationships with this specific person and whether they are right for you.

Global Uncertainty

Uncertainty about the overall nature of the relationship. Generally uncertainty about participating in the relationships in the first place and if yes then what does that look like.

Advice Content

Useful - Comprehensible and relevant Efficacy - Will it work Feasible - Can be acted upon

Highly person-centered messages

acknowledge, elaborate on, and validate the feelings and concerns of the distressed person are especially comforting. Helps the person gain perspective on their feeling and legitimizes those feeling. Highly effective in providing comfort. Example: "I'd be frustrated to get a C too, especially if I studied hard and was as smart as you are. I bet you'll figure out how to do better next time."

Boring Relationships

safe, dull (avoidance fulfilled, approach not). You are able to avoid all the arguments and negatives but you cannot achieve the pleasures either. There is nothing to like, lack novelty or stimulation.

relationship uncertainty

uncertainty about the general state of your relationship

5 communication skills for forming new relationships

(1) Relation initiation (2) Skill in Self- Disclosure (3) Skill in emotional support (4) Skill in negative assertion (5) Conflict Management

Positive Consequences of Secret-Keeping

(1.) Can foster cohesion and trust between secret holders - Knowing information no one else knows can bond two people together (2.) Preservation of privacy - Identity, feeling of autonomy and control

What are the main reasons for renewal?

(1.) Communicating more effectively - they work through what happened that led to break up and learn how to communicate more effectively through it (2.) Changes in characteristics about the partner or the self - perceiving the partner as more accommodating, or maybe you being less stressed (3.) Continued attachment to each other - missing one partner and having the lingering feeling (4.) Renewed effort - partners realizing the relationship took more effort and putting the effort in to make it work and the other one accepting the renewed relationship (5.) Post-dissolution contact - they continue to maintain the contact after the relationship (due to friends, work, etc.) and still see the other partner as an alternative (6.) Increased time together - they spent more quality time with their partner after they broke up because they didn't have pressure and the positive interaction made them think to they should be partners (7.) Dissatisfaction with alternatives - pursuing alternative partner makes individuals realize that the alternative was not as profitable and the return to the previous partner

Four primary areas to consider with regard to advice giving

(1.) Contextual factors (2.) Advice source (3.) Advice style (4.) Advice content

Reasons interdependence theory suggests people may stay in unhappy relationships

(1.) Failure to notice positive behaviors - Partners do not notice all of the things partners do for each other. Partners miss about a quarter of the positive behaviors that the partner says they have done for each other. (2.) Attachment styles - Dissmisive or fearful attachment styles are more likely to miss or discount the loving things that partners do for you. (3.) Disagreements over reward value/worth - People have different values or worth of favors. Partners who do the favor and make the sacrifice value it more than the partner that receives it. Partners have different opinions over the value of things.

What are the risks associated with disclosure?

(1.) Fear of exposure or rejection- fear that they might leave a negative impression (always a downer, not fun to be around). (2.) Fear of retaliation or angry responses - fear their partner will be angry (disclosing cheating) or use what they disclosed will be used in retaliation (fear that disclosure will used against them later or led to violation of privacy) (3.) Fear loss of control - fear they will lose thoughts and feelings through disclosure or they will lose the thoughts and feelings of someone else (confessing to a friend leading to changing opinion from friend if not reciprocated). fear they will lose power dynamics (lose desire to look strong), afraid share psychological down falls. (4.) Fear loss of individuality - fear that they will be engulfed in relationship, has to do with the competing forces of wanting to be in a relationship vs wanting to be independent.

Why is it hard to keep secrets?

(1.) Hyper-accessibility - Attempting to suppress a thought increases thinking about it. (thought suppression can cause hyper accessibility) (2.) Rebound effect - Triggering of thoughts normally suppressed. Triggered by people, environment, etc. Anytime you are around someone it causes a rebound effect and you start to think about it more) (3.) The fever model of self - disclosure - Feeling guilty or anxious about a secret is positively associated with disclosing the secret. When people feel anxiety and guilt that they it will cause you to break.

Contextual Factors

(1.) Need for Advice Has your partner already undertaken the best possible action? ---->If yes, offer emotional and/or esteem support. If no, consider offering advice. Is there anything that can actually be done about the problem? ---->If no, offer emotional and/or esteem support. If yes, consider offering advice. (2.) The desire for Advice - Did your partner ask you for advice? (3.) The sequence of advice - Listen (active listening and what they need from you)--> analyze problem collaboratively (always look at it from a collaborative prospective)--> offer advice

Know why scholars believe realistic expectations for relationships is preferable to romantic idealism

(1.) Relationships take effort - Relationships are much more satisfying when both people work towards them. Regular efforts need to happen to keep going. (2.) Interdependency magnifies conflict - we spend a lot of time with partners and us dependent on unique or special rewards and therefore they can frustrate us in ways no one else can. Frequent interaction causes trivial problems. (3.) Intimacy makes us vulnerable - vulnerability give our partners the ability to tease us, hurt feelings, embarrass, and accidentally reveal secrets (4.) Unwelcome surprises - you are always going to be surprised and so being realistic help. You are always going to see your partner in unexpected ways that you might not like to see. (5.) Unrealistic expectations - the difference between what we expect vs what we get can cause us to have bad feelings even when things are going as bad.

Types of on/off relationships

1. Habitual 2. Mismatched 3. Capitalized-on-transitions 4. Gradual separators 5. Controlling

Types of love

1. Infatuation = passion only - Probably not long-lasting 2. Empty love = commitment only - Probably not satisfying 3. Romantic love = passion + intimacy 4. Friendship love = intimacy + commitment 5. Consummate love = passion + intimacy + commitment 6. Non-love = none of components

Changes in attachment styles: explanations

1. Significant life/relationship events (divorce causes attachment style to change) 2. The partner's attachment style (Your partner secure style may make you feel more secure) 3. Variability across relationship types (You may have one type for romantic relationship and one type for frienships)

Personalistic versus indiscriminate disclosure

A factor of relating increased self-disclosure to liking. Factor looks at the type of information disclosed and whether it personalistic or indiscriminate. Personalistic disclosure involves sender disclosing information disclosed to very select people. Personalistic disclosure is usually received by liking. Indiscriminate disclosure is usually involves Sender disclosing information broadly. Indiscriminate disclosure is not predict with receiver liking.

Timing of Disclosure

A factor of relating increased self-disclosure to liking. Factors ask's: does the disclosure violate receiver's expectations surrounding time? Is it appropriate? If the disclosure does not violate the receivers expectations and the receiver thinks the disclosure is appropriate for the stage of the relationship then it can be predicted receiver is liking of sender. If the disclosure violates the receiver expectations and the the receiver thinks it is inappropriate for the stage of the relationship (usually too much too soon) then it predicts not liking the sender.

The receiver's response

A factor relating increased self-disclosure to liking. Factor examines receivers response to disclosure and ask's: Is the receiver unkind or dismissive to the sender's disclosed information? If, yes, the receiver is unkind then it does not predict sender liking. If, no, the receiver is supportive then it predicts sender liking.

Dyadic Effect

A factor relating increased self-disclosure to liking. Factor examines the reciprocal nature of self-disclosure: "You disclose to me, and I'll disclose to you." Dyadic effect of disclosure is the tendency for us to return another's self-disclosure with one that matches it in level of intimacy, and predicts relationship development. If disclosure is reciprocated then it predicts relationship satisfaction and closeness. If disclosure is not reciprocated then relationships are less likely to develop. People who violate dyadic effect norm are often perceived as cold, unfriendly, and untrustworthy.

Knapp's Staircase Model Theory

A model of relationship development that portrays it as a ten-step process split into three stages: coming together, maintenance, and coming apart. Usually applied to romantic relationships but also close friendships. The stage model depicts relationship development and disengagement as a largely linear process.

Turning Point Analysis

A nonlinear method of relationship development. The analysis of turning point events- events that are associated with a change (increase or decrease) in commitment levels. Recognizes "choppy" paths some relationships take. Less predictive than the stage model. Utilizes plotted turning points on a graph to see how various events are related to changes in a relationship. Most relationships follow non linear development path.

Information-based motivations

A reason for secret- keeping- with the intent to avoid disclosure because they suspect that the other person will find the disclosure trivial, not respond in a helpful way, or lack the requisite knowledge to respond. (1.) Partner unresponsiveness - Perception that partner will not be helpful or knowledgeable. (2.) Futility of discussion - Perception that partner is unable or unwilling to understand your position. (3.) Communication inefficacy - Not feeling personally able to discuss a particular issue.

Individual-based Motivation

A reason for secret-keeping - with the intent protecting one's self by utilizing identity management and privacy maintenance. (1.) Identity management - Concern that disclosing information damage an individual's positive face. Afraid of "looking bad" if information is revealed. (2.) Privacy maintenance - People may avoid specific topics as a way to maintain privacy and desire for autonomy

Relationship-based motivation

A reason for secret-keeping, with the intent of protecting and maintaining the relationship by utilizing relationship protection and relationship destruction. Paradoxically, people can use topic avoidance to strengthen or to disengage from a relationship. (1.) Relationship protection - Concern that disclosing information will damage a relationship (2.) Relationship destruction - Disclosing information to terminate a relationship or prevent it from becoming more intimate. Strategically avoiding topics so relationship can not advance or to deescalate it.

On-again/ off-again relationships

A relationship characterized by repeated breakups and reconciliations only needs to happen at least once to be considered on-again/ off-again. Research suggests that reconciliation is more likely dependent on how committed (living together, kids) you are to relationship. People who end relationships over serious things will be less likely to restart that relationship. If you break up over trivial things (at the beginning of a relationship) then you will be more likely to restart the relationships.

Relational Churning

A relationship in which you are not together but not fully broken up. Includes on and off again relationships and or having a sexual relationship with an ex. The process of reconciliation can be short (realizing it's not meant to be quick) or long-term (having long-term success after reconciliation).

Uncertainty Reduction Theory

A theory suggesting that people are motivated to reduce their uncertainty about others e.i. asking third parties, social media. One might use URT to make themselves less uncertain about the relationship.

Social Penetration Theory

A theory that describes how self-disclosure changes as people develop their relationships. It is sometimes referred to as the onion theory .An individual's personality is like a multi-layered onion, with a "public self" on the outer layer and a "private, authentic self" at the core. Communication starts with breadth but little depth and then move deeper. Communication is non-intimate at first has narrow breadth and depth, as early stages of relationships continues communication deepens with self-disclosure leading to vulnerability and is reciprocated. Self-disclosure begins fast then tapers off with less intimate talks, leading to self-disclosure and liking.

Social Penetration Theory Predicts

A theory that predicts that as relationships develop, disclosure moves from shallow levels to more intimate levels and communication increases in breadth and depth. Self-disclousre make people vulnerable, the act conveys both trust and closeness, and helps people uncover similarities and reduce uncertainty about one another. When the exchanges of disclosure are favorable, people will want to get to know each other even more. Thus, according to social penetration theory, self-disclosure typically increases gradually as people get to know, like, and trust one another. If people do not develop trust or liking, self-disclosure will not progress very far, and the relationship will stagnate or terminate. Stagnated relationships will end up in either superfical layer or intimate layer.

Passion (Triangular Theory of Love)

According to Sternberg, passion is the "hot" component of love that consists of motivation and arousal. Passion is not limited to sexual arousal. Friends can experience excitement through activities or by just being together. Passion also includes motivational needs for affiliation, control, and self-actualization. A strong presence of arousal between two people. In romantic relationships, this is physical and sexual attraction. Maintaining high levels of passion difficult to sustain. Typically, high in initial stages declines over time. Relationships based only on passion do not usually last long.

Affectionate Communication Model

Affectionate communication is behavior that portrays feelings of fondness and positive regard to another. Verbal ways to communicate affection: Self-disclosure, direct emotional expressions, and compliments, Assurances Non-Verbal way to communicate affection: (a) Physical contact, Vocalic behavior (laughing), Idiomatic behaviors (Idiomatic behaviors "have a specific meaning only to people in a particular relationship")

Agape (Unselfish Love)

Agapie revolves around caring, concern, and tenderness, and is more focused on giving than receiving. People with this style cope with stress in a positive fashion that helps keep their relationships satisfying. The agapic style contains elements of both eros and storge. An agapic lover has a deep, abiding, highly passionate love for a partner—although not only in a physical sense. Characteristic: See partner as a blessing and want to take care of them. Seeks partners with positive personality characteristics. Communication aimed at intensifying relationships. Secret tests rarely used. Positives: pro-social, healthy relationship behaviors. Negatives: difficult for partners to match their unconditional love; may turn into martyrdom.

Valence of disclosure

Characterized by the positive or negative "charge" of the self-disclosure. Positive valence is disclosing your dreams, your warm feelings for someone, or your happiest childhood memories. Negative valence disclosing your fears, your hostile feelings for someone, or your unhappiest childhood memories, the self-disclosure has a negative valence. Valence is a crucial dimension of self-disclosure because it helps determine how people feel about one another. It is best to limit the number of negatively valenced disclosures relative to the number of more positively valenced disclosures in a relationship.

Four types of relationships

Comparing people's CLs and CLalts with their outcomes yields four different relationship states: happy and stable; happy and unstable; unhappy and stable; and unhappy and unstable.

What types of disclosure effect the likely-hood of being reciprocated?

Directed self-disclosure, Non-directed self-disclosure, Delays in communication.

Advice Style

Does the advice threaten the receiver's positive and/or negative face? People want to feel Independent. Don't give advice to make it seem like you are superior and they are inferior. How is it interpreted?

Eros (passionate love) Primary Style

Eros, which has also been termed romantic or passionate love, is rooted in feelings of affection, attraction, and sexual desire. Love is an all consuming emotional experience. Love at first sight is typical and physical love is essential. Relationships based on feelings of physical attraction and sexual attraction/desire. Characterized by "intense communicatiors" : disclosing personal information quickly, wanting to know a great deal about a partner early in the relationship. Engagement in a great deal of non-verbal affection (e.g., touch). Positives: Excitement, passion Negatives: Attraction based on beauty; difficulty adjusting to inevitable cooling down Eros lovers typically have short-term relationships.

Lee's Love Styles

Explains that people have various "love styles" in romantic relationships. There are 3 primary styles of loving and 3 secondary styles - Secondary styles are common combinations of the primary styles. All six styles have both positive and negative attributes. One style (or combination of styles) is not "better" than another. Most people are a combination of styles, with one or two experienced most strongly. Identifying strongly with one style increases the likelihood of experiencing its negative attributes An individual's love style is not static. Eros, Ludus, Storge, Mania, Agape, Pragma

manifest intimacy

External manifestations of closeness and affection involve communication, such as hugging or kissing. Communicating warmth to a partner verbally and non-verbally. Manifest intimacy is likely to grow during the initial stages of a relationship, reach its peak when people are in the process of moving the relationship from casual to serious, but then decline over time as people feel less of a need to show one another how they feel.

Distressed Relationships

Few rewards, many costs (no motivation fulfilled). Not achieving approach motivations and cant fulfill avoidance motivations. All of frustration and fighting in this type of relationship

Four types of relationships people may experience based on approach/avoidance

Flourishing Relationships, Precarious Relationships, Distressed Relationships, Boring Relationships

Immediacy behaviors

Immediacy behaviors are actions that signal warmth, communicate availability, decrease psychological or physical distance, and promote involvement between people. These behaviors have also been called positive involvement behaviors because they show both positive affect and high levels of involvement in an interaction. -Behaviors that increase connection -A behavior can be immediate, but not affectionate (but not the other way around) -Verbal immediacy behaviors: Inclusive word choice, disclosure depth, relationship indicators -Non-verbal immediacy behaviors: Eye contact, proxemics(use space in interpersonal communication), haptics(tactile intimacy), kinesics(body movement)

Low person-centered messages

Implicitly or explicitly deny the legitimacy of the distressed person's feelings. Ineffective in providing comfort. Example: "It's only one test, so don't make a big deal out of it."

Be able to explain possible sex differences in the expression of closeness.

In general, male-male friends show closeness through participating in shared interests and activities (Agentic friendship). In general, female-female friends show closeness through self-disclosure and affectionate nonverbal communication (Expressive friendship) People who have a lot of cross-sex friends (male-female pairs) tend to combine elements of agentic friendship and expressive friendship.

Dismissive: The Detached Style

Individuals with a dismissive attachment style have positive models of themselves but negative models of others ("I'm okay but you're not okay"). Dismissives can best be characterized as counter-dependent. In other words, they are so self-sufficient that they shun close involvement with others. Some researchers suggest that counter-dependence is a defensive strategy that allows people to feel good about themselves without opening themselves up to the criticisms and scrutiny of others. Dismissives neither desire nor fear close attachments but rather lack the motivation to build and maintain intimate relationships. Characteristics: -Self-sufficient to the point of pushing others away. -Uninterested in relationships (because they would rather focus on their own goals and ambitions). -Think relationships hold them back -Dislike relying on others -Low levels of relational maintenance, disclosure, and emotional expression. -In conflicts, they tend to withdraw. Reinforcement Effect: By learning to get along on their own, they reinforce the idea that they do not need other people to be happy.

Fearful: The Hesitant Style

Individuals with a fearful attachment style have negative models of both themselves and others ("I'm not okay and you're not okay"). Some of the avoidants category, as do a few of the anxious-ambivalence, particularly when they have negative views of both others and themselves. The key characteristic of fearful avoidants is that they are afraid of hurt and rejection, often because they have experienced painful relationships in the past. Fearful individuals usually want to depend on someone but find it difficult to open up to others. Characteristics: -Have often been deeply hurt in the past and have not recovered. -So concerned about being hurt again they avoid relationships. -Afraid of getting close to another person, even though they would like the security of a close relationship. -Communication with partners or potential partners is guarded and anxious -Trouble expressing emotions and self-disclosing. -Don't usually engage in relationship maintenance behaviors. -View conflict as a threat to a relationship (during conflict, often withdraw and get defensive). Reinforcement Effect: By avoiding taking risks, they keep themselves from developing the kind of positive relationships that will help them feel better about themselves and others

What are the maintenance stages of Knapp's Staircase Model?

Integration, Bonding, Differentiating, Circumscribing. Couples will fluctuate through maintenance stages because relationships are dynamic.

Interdependence Theory- How does it relate to on-off relationships?

Interdependence Theory help why partners might reconcile from previous relationships. Members of past relationships exhibit a certain level of interdependence as they continue to weigh costs and benefits post the dissolution of a relationship. They still might look at the individual as an alternative prospect, they continue access previous relationships.

the nature of interdependency

Interdependent partners have a stake in keeping each other happy. As a result, generosity toward one's partner is often beneficial to oneself because it makes the other partner more dependent. The costs should not be as significant if the partner is dear and near to you.

latent intimacy

Internal feelings of closeness and interpersonal warmth(butterflies), which are not directly observable by others. Increases as relationships develop, then plateaus and stabilizes over time. Once two people have reached a high level of latent intimacy, their level of psychological and emotional connection usually remains high unless the relationship starts to deteriorate.

Intimacy (triangular theory of love)

Intimacy refers to warmth, closeness, and sharing in a relationship and is foundational to both love and liking. Two types of intimacy: Latent intimacy and Manifest intimacy

What is the difference between invisible and visible support? (invisible support)

Invisible support People report better health when they have large social networks and perceive that resources are available, yet people sometimes report worse health when they perceive that their partner provided them with actual support. Too much support can also be detrimental, especially when the receiver feels obligated to reciprocate and provide others with support. The invisible support phenomenon suggests that support attempts that go unnoticed by recipients are the "most effective in reducing distress" Support that flies under the radar -Typically, it's non-verbal -Receiver does not have to ask for it or acknowledge it. -Sender does not need recognition that it was provided. Highly effective in reducing distress. -Support comes without face threats. Should be reciprocated over course of relationship.

Based on research, how should someone give advice?

Listening, offering emotional support, and/or esteem support is sometimes the best course of action. - It is important to bear in mind that individuals... - May not be ready for advice. - May not be able to follow advice at the present time. - May need to come to a solution on their own.

Ludus (game playing) Primary Style

Ludic lovers see relationships as fun, playful, and casual; they view relationships as games to be played and are less committed and less securely attached to relationships than are people with other love styles. They also have difficulty coping with stress in their relationships, presumably because they like to keep their relationships casual and fun. Characteristics : relationships are casual, uncommitted, a means of enjoyment, often dating several people at once., like to be "in the game", seek out physically attractive partners, Communication often uses secret tests, Communication skills not valued, Communicating at an intimate level is not important for Ludus lovers, Low levels of disclosures. Ludus positives: Freedom, flexibility Ludus negatives: Casual relationships = lack of support

moral commitment

Occurs when people feel they ought to continue a relationship because it would be wrong to break their vows and derives from a sense of moral obligation to one's partner or one's relationship. Characterized by the obligation to remain with the partner, (im)morality (religion), personal obligation (you made a promise), valuing consistency (finishing what one started).

Personal Commitment

Occurs when people want to continue a relationship because they are attracted to their partners and the relationship is satisfying. Characterized by genuine desire to remain with partner, attraction to one's partner, attraction to the relationship itself (e.g., marital satisfaction), couple identity.

Mismatched Relationships

One of the types of On Again Off Again Relationships. Characterized by unequal involvement in terms of how motivated and committed partners are at different times during the course of the relationship. Example: partners being more committed at partner B. There are both external and internal factors that draw these partners apart, i.e. having to move, schooling, not being committed at the same time. Differences in personality and what they want from the relationship may drive this inconsistency, but if these issues are resolved they may renew the relationship. Sometimes there are factors that draw these partners together repeatedly but other factors that pull them apart. They are explicit in transitions and talk about what they want if they get back together.

Gradual Separators Relationships

One of the types of On Again Off Again Relationships. During each transition, partners grow farther apart from one another, interest wanes, and the relationship fades out over time as the "on" periods get shorter. Partners might initially have trouble letting go of each other, but each "off" period gives them more certainty that they should break up until they finally have closure and are able to move on.

Capitalized-on-transitions Relationships

One of the types of On Again Off Again Relationships. Former relational partners may use transition time to reflect on problems, sort out one's feelings, figure out what one wants, improve oneself, or get one's partner to change. Thus, transitions are productive and mark a period of change and possible improvement that could eventually help the partners relate better to one another when they get back together. Characterized by a positive change from break up and they are very direct about communication on renewal.

Controlling Relationship

One of the types of On Again Off Again Relationships. One partner consistently wants the relationship, and the other partner (who controls the trajectory of the relationship) goes in and out. There is one partner is making the other feel that they have to stay through manipulation, dominance, control. The partner who is consistent sees renewals as continuing evidence that they are meant to be together, but the controlling partner is less certain. Sometimes the controlling partner becomes more aggressive during and following breakups to try and discourage future attempts at renewal.

Habitual Relationships

One of the types of On Again Off Again Relationships. The couple breaks up and gets back together without thinking(externally or internally) much about what happened during transitions- do no talk or think about why they broke up/get back together. These couples fall back into the same patterns relatively quickly and show apathy toward transitions if common. They often miss the companionship that the relationship provided when they were together and find it easier to renew their relationship than find or try something new with someone else. They see the relationship as comfortable, easy, and convenient; or there is a proximity element. Transitions are ambiguous.

pro-relationship transformation of motivation

Pro-relationship transformation of motivation is some psychological process that we go through where we give up our presences for effective preferences. (1.) Given preferences - our preferences that we hold for ourselves. represent gut-level, instinctual impulses and preferences (2.) Effective preferences - preferences that are beneficial to the relationships What underlies this process? 1. Motivational factors - what is a desire to move beyond your own self-interest and impulses. To move past our own self-interest takes a lot of self-control 2. Ability factors - the ability to self-control will help this transformation of motivation (a) Dispositional self-control - stable impulse control over time and breadth. If you are able to do this as a child you will probably be able to do it later. (b) Self-regulatory strength-depletion - the acknowledgment that dispositional self-control is not just the only thing that is important. The exercise of voluntary control over the self to bring the self into line with preferred standards even external factors (such as stress, frustration, exhaustion) go against it and will be harder to put aside self-interest for the relationships. Strength renews and depleates.

communal relationships

Relationships based on mutual love and concern, without expectation of repayment. And also, relationships in which the individuals feel a special responsibility for one another and give and receive according to the principle of need; such relationships are often long-term. The expectation that your partner wants to repay you as well. You are regularly making small sacrifices because you want your partner to be happy and you want your partner to be dependent on you. This is the healthier type of relationship

exchange relationships

Relationships based on reciprocity and fairness, in which people expect something in return. They want to keep the scales even, the monitor what they and the partner have contributed to the relationship. Not ideal for long-term relationships.

Experimenting (coming together)

Stage of romantic relational development in which both people seek to learn about each other. Direct and Indirect questions are asked. Small-talk discussion happens: breadth over depth, positive valence (talking about happy and positive things- light-hearted and humorous), self-presentation. Discussion about similarities and differences: Interests, hobbies, goals, Perceived similarity predicts moving to the next stage. Most relationships do move beyond this stage.

Circumscribing (coming apart)

Stage of romantic relational dissolution in which couples discuss safe topics. Partners begin to feel that they have nothing to talk about and communication is less detailed, shallow, less breadth, stop doing less for each other, tense. Sense of closeness may seem to be eroding Decrease in expressions of love and commitment. Couples feel frustrated they can't connect and they want to but can't for one reason or the other. Some circumscribing can be normal in relationships and ffforts to reconnect may still be successful.

Terminating (coming apart)

Stage of romantic relational dissolution in which couples end the relationship. Break-up stage. People go from having an identity as a dyad and now have to develop their own self-interests and social networks. Depending on attachment style can determine how difficult it is to separate dyad. If communication occurs, it is usually tense, awkward, and hesitant. Relationship termination may be healthy.

Avoiding (coming apart)

Stage of romantic relational dissolution in which couples try not to interact with each other, and partners create physical and emotional distance from each other. Communication is often marked by antagonism or unfriendliness. Partners think and make plans about how the breakup will occur. Three forms of distancing common: Avoidance (preventing and reducing interactions), Disengagement (choosing to hide information, interacting in less personal information), Cognitive disassociation (emotionally detached, disregard messages, unaffected by partner).

Stagnating (coming apart)

Stage of romantic relationship dissolution in which the couples prevent and stop trying to grow, the partners feel as if they are just "going through the motions". Communication becomes tense and awkward, there is predictability in what partners will say and feeling that outcome of interaction with partner will always be negative. Communication feels futile. Difficult to revive relationships in this stage as perceived cost outweighs benefits. People do not stay in this stage for long and if they stay because breaking up is difficult.

Stroge (Friendship/ Companion love) Primary Style

Stroge type of love, which is also called companionate love, is based on high levels of intimacy and commitment but comparatively low levels of passion. Defined friendship love as "a comfortable, affectionate, trusting love for a likable partner, based on a deep sense of friendship and involving companionship and the enjoyment of common activities, mutual interests, shared laughter" Characteristics: relationships based on shared values and goals, and compatibility, romantic relationships tend to start as close friendships, Personality > Appearance, communication rarely involves the use of secret tests. Both partners tend to have good communication skills and a high level of communication competence. Low Level of uncertainty. Positives: Dependable, stable, secure Negatives: Too much predictability, boredom

Pragma (practical love)

The pragmatic style combines elements of both storge and ludus. As Lee explained, storge comes into play because pragmatic lovers are seeking a compatible partner. Undertones of the ludus style also are evident in many pragmatic lovers, who typically avoid emotional risk taking and commit to a relationship only after careful thought and considerable time. Pragmatic lovers search for a person who fits a particular image in terms of vital statistics, such as age, height, religion, and occupation, as well as preferred characteristics, such as being a loyal partner or having the potential to be a good parent. Characteristics: Relationships based on achieving a common goal. Seeks partners who fits characteristics personally perceived as "ideal." Have "shopping list" of desired attributes in a partner. Communication is typically direct. Engage in social enmeshment strategies. Positives: Compatibility likely Negatives: Danger of lack of intimacy and passion.

Interdependence Theory

The theory of interpersonal relationships stresses the costs and rewards involved. Relationships are made up of ongoing interactions between relational partners, and outcomes are going to be interdependent. The behaviors between the two people in the relationship will be coordinated to achieve mutually rewarding outcomes. Desires for the relationships should overlap in relationships. The more depth you have, the more you are affected by each other, e.i. if something negative happens to a partner it negatively affects you.

With regards to Knapp's Staircase model, what ways can and does movement through stages occur?

There is sequential movement through staircase model. Movement can be forward and backwards. Movement towards greater levels of intimacy and movement back to coming together stage is considered "forward movement". Any movement away from the bonding stage is considered "backward movement" and can be a result of moving too quickly. Important to note partners can go through the same stages more than once, but can they can never truly "go back".

Skill in Self-Disclosure

Type of communication skill for forming new relationships. Focuses on appropriate levels and time of self-disclosure for the stage of a relationship. Typically increases throughout the relationship

Skill in Emotional Support

Type of communication skill for forming new relationships. Focuses on communicating verbal and nonverbal empathy and warmth. Important to show active listening, responsiveness, care, concern, and liking. Also important to demonstrate paying attention, not interrupt, and defer judgment

Relationship Initiation

Type of communication skill for forming new relationships. Focuses on first impressions and self-presentation. About highlighting strengths, hiding weaknesses, and initiating plans. Verbally communicated through introductions and compliments. Nonverbally communicated through eye contact and handshakes

conflict management

Type of communication skill for forming new relationships. Focuses on navigating conflict through listening, understanding divergent perspectives, refraining from communicating hostility. Conflict management that focuses on the specific reason for the disagreement will most likely resolve.

Relationship Break- Up Ambiguity

Uncertainty can lead to break up ambiguity for feature status unintentionally or intentionally. You might want the relationship right now but you want it in the feature or you try to break up with someone softly and it confuses the other person

What cause changes in current outcomes in relationships?

Views on outcomes change over time. Comparison levels may rise, particularly early in a relationship because of excitement (honeymoon phase is over). Rewarding relationships may become less satisfying due to desensitization. Sociocultural influences may also cause comparison levels to change. Americans have higher expectations and therefore on average have less satisfying relationships. Comparison levels for alternatives may change because of cultural changes. Women's increased participation in the work force has led to ability to leave husbands easier.

What is the difference between invisible and visible support? (visible support)

Visible support -Partners notice the supportive actions. -Receiver asked for support. -Sender took credit. -Can go awry: Recipients may think people see them as weak or unskilled, and they may worry about being judged by the helper. For their part, helpers may feel overburdened or worry about giving the "wrong" advice. -Ineffective when face-threatening.

Self-Disclosure in Relationships

Voluntary sharing of information about the self that another person is not likely to know. The communication reveals something about the self to others and is intentional and truthful. Self-disclosure often promotes trust, closeness, and liking. Married couples with high rates of self-disclosure report having more satisfying relationships.

Strenberg's Triangular Theory of Love

intimacy, passion, commitment

Level of self-disclosure

three basic layers of self-disclosure: (1) a superficial layer that is easy to penetrate (2) a social or personal layer that is easy for most friends, family members, and lovers to penetrate (3) a very intimate layer, or core, that is seldom revealed, and then only to people who are completely trusted.

self uncertainty

uncertainty about your own feelings and how involved you want to be in a relationship

partner uncertainty

uncertainty about your partner's feelings and intentions, including whether your partner reciprocates your feelings