Exam 2 COMM1000 Version 2

but the couple that can keep their cool when metacommunicating stands a good chance of coming to an aggrement on how the relationship will prosper through better interaction

"I don't like the way you pick on me in front of others", "You know you could share your frustrations with me instead of bottling them up inside" would be examples of assertive metacommunicating

the avoidance stage is not necessarily a bad idea

"give me some space". rather than risk further bas words or deeds, take a break, get involved in other activities, and meet new ppl.

in 1958, French and Raven's original research found that there are 3 levels of compliance:

1. COMPLIANCE (simply following a command or request 2. IDENTIFICATION (following an order or request to please the person of higher status) 3. INCORPORATION (following a request because you believe in acting consistently with the goals of the person or group, because you have adopted and internalized their values)

effects of control on communication in an interpersonal relationship-- in general, people view 3 types of control in interactions. What are they?

1. control over decision making 2. control of conversation 3. control over your dyad's view of social reality

COMMUNICATION CLIMATE includes

1. participative decision making (aka PDM) and how decisions are made and who makes them 2. mutual and reciprocal communication (the amount of responsiveness to you) 3. feedback activities (how aware your partners and leaders are to your feedback)

Altman and Taylor believe that relationships often

1. progress systemically and predictably 2. include DEPENETRATION & DISSOLUTION (breaking up, declining relationship) 3. self disclosure is the "CORE" OF relational development

THEORIES OF SELF

1950s, IRVING GOFFMAN wrote several books, one entitled "THE PRESENTATION OF SELF IN EVERYDAY LIFE". in it, he discussed how we present oursleves, how we chose the symbols that represent us, and how those symbols construct meaning or clash with how others react to our symbols

in terms of relational convergence and metacommunication, sensitive communicators use

ACTIVE LISTENING (suspending judgment, paraphrasing for clarification) & EMPATHY (viewing it from another person's perspective)

the process of exerting a higher amount of influence and power is called a

AGENY. that person is called an AGENT of influence. term "agent provocateur" - a political term meaning a person who exerts much pressure on a group's ideology, activities, or philosophy. sometimes it is a direct order from your partner ("I hate when you cut me off in midsentence") but oftentimes it is just a subtle negotiation as to how you want to conduct yourselves in conversation (they don't laugh or pay attention to your dirty jokes)

how do we reduce uncertainty?

Berger and Calabrese and others say people try to spend more time in positive and mutual interaction, asking questions, showing nonverbal IMMEDIACY & expressing AFFILIATION (the desire to associate further)

Weber also noted that bureaucracies have a

CLEAR AND GRADED HIERARCHY OF POWER AND AUTHORITY. each member has a rank within that hierarchy. that rank PRESCRIBES (ALLOWS) & PROSCRIBES (PROHIBITS) tasks and communication activities. lower level subordinates do not burst in on executive meetings just as top level mangers do not enter the assembly line except in times of crisis

a bureaucracy alos has a

COMMUNICATION CLIMATE- the emotional tone of those who do not conform to the being used in conversations from the corporate level to the staff line. the types of climates can be from open and friendly to hostile and close-minded

signs of poor self image and self concept is called

CONDUCT DISORDER and it is characterized by ANTI-SOCIAL behavior that the rest of society would deem outside of even the extremes of normative behavior

the way people react to you either

CONFIRMS OR DISCONFIRMS your view of yourself

when you begin to notice significant difference either in practical matters or incompatible communication styles, you are in the

DIFFERENTIATION STAGE. not all differentiation is bad. many of us recognize that our partner have their own friends and family - people they need to communicate with.

just as the bonding stage is characterized by a symbolic commitment of wanting to be together, terminating a relationship involves expressions of

DISENGAGEMENT- some official act of dissolution. it could be as subtle as not returning phone calls or a as big as an all out public divorce spectabcle

in problematic relationships, we see inordinate amounts of control and sometimes this causes a

DOUBLE BIND situation. the child who never gets recognition and admiration for success yet receives only negative reinforcement for failure will develop an unhealthy self concept that would carry over to interpersonal relationship. damaging if no way to win in your most important interpersonal interactions. some research suggests a link b/w ppl put in double binds and schizophrenia

Interpersonal communication is the exchange of messages in a _____.

DYAD

you may know ppl who argue constantly, nag each other, and try to get your sympathies. it is complicated by

EGO DEFENSES, having to be right (esp to outsiders_, and lifelong habits like bullying. stay away from ppl in negative symmetrical relationships

RULES are _________ GUIDELINES we are expected to follow based on norms, roles, ranks, and controls and how they change our perceptions and thus, our _________ communication. we are rewarded for _____________ rules and _________ for breaking them

EXPLICIT GUIDELINES we are expected to follow based on norms, roles, ranks, and controls and how they change our perceptions and thus, our outward communication. we are rewarded for following rules and punished for breaking them

communication that lends harmony to relationships are called

FACILITATING BEHAVIORS and they are characterized by open and more honest communication. words of respect, terms of endearment, individuality, and inclusion have been cited by research as factors in a relationship that meets your needs and is very personally satisfying

above all, INTERPERSONAL communication has a (low or high) level and rate of disclosure? Is it common for some to give confident information to a stranger?

FAR HIGHER LEVEL AND RATE OF SELF DISCLOSURE. it is rare, though not unknown, that you would tell a stranger very confidential info about yourself. For this reason, interpersonal info has a higher rater of disclosure than impersonal.

lastly, Weber discussed the fact that a bureaucracy has

FIXED RULES- STABLE NORMS OF BEHAVIOR THAT APPLY TO EVERYONE. in a way, this is what is so frustrating about larger organizations- the fact that you are supposed to give up your individuality for the good of the group.

Schultz created the FIRO which means:

Fundamental Interpersonal Relational Orientation profile (FIRO), a measure of the usual and typical way we communicate with our relational partners

interpersonal communication is marked by

HIGHLY STYLIZED COMMUNICATION as opposed to standard and commonly used speech. calling your spouse a pet name, or the way you greet each other ("wassup dog?") would be more stylized than the standard greeting for an impersonal relationship ("hello there")

RESEARCHERS FOCUS ON THAT FEW SECONDS ON SPEECH ACT FROM INITIAL STIMULUS AND RESPOND TO INITIAL FEEDBACK

IN DYADIC INTERACTION, then count the times that type of interaction occurs and make our conclusions

another feature of organizational life are

INITIATION RITES- in an effort to educate members about norms and practices of the co and to get members to incorporate their values, most bureaucracies have found a formal training period (perhaps a PROBATIONARY PERIOD) and certain activities designed to evaluate whether a new member has passed preliminary tests for inclusion. the tests may be very formal (as in a performance evaluation) or informal (a practical joke)- some of these activities can be dangerous- UF has a very strict policy against abusive initiation rites deemed as "hazing"

finally, at the opposite end of the extrinsic goals are

INTRINSIC GOALS - the exchange of INTIMACY- think double i

Interpersonal relationships are ________?

IRREPLACEABLE. could you really replace a parent?

THE SELF CONCEPT

IS A RELATIVELY STABLE SET OF PERCEPTIONS YOU HOLD ABOUT YOURSELF, YOUR PLACE IN THE WORLD, AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS.

ex. Columbine HS

Kleibold and Harris formed an in-group, exerted agency over the other, distinguished themselves from the outgroups, and fed off each other's perceptions. harris was obviously the leader but they both brought isolated and alienated self concepts and low esteem to the dyad. their interaction confirmed their roles of outsiders--> their normative behavior became focused on completing the expected behavior. even children with bizarre habits and upbringing do not march toward oblivion as Kleibold and Harris unless they created their own version of social reality with norms that were validated by their verbal and nonverbal confirmations. in doing so, Harris and Kleibold created a world unto themselves.

People with whom who we have impersonal relationships have (low, medium, or High) impact on your life.

LITTLE IMPACT on your life. i.e. supermarket checkout clerk

once you have bonded, the relationship goes thru the

MAINTENANCE PHASE. relationship don't just exist on their own. they have to be worked at, fine tuned, extended, and occasionally modified. in the MAINTENANCE STAGE, many research studies show that a bond is characterized by high degrees of trust

STAGES OF RELATIONSHIPS

MARK KNAPP, a researcher in our field has often described the engagement, maintenance, and disengagement phases of relationships

what distinguishes many groups of organized ppl from informal groups is the fact that

MESSAGES HAVE A DEFINITIVE FORMAL ROUTE to follow. in a bureaucracy, there is a clear effort to generate and disseminate info quickly and accurately. to do so, memos are issues, internal reports are published, a co newsletter is distributed, and departments have regular meetings. even to many bureaucracies now use less face-to-face interaction, a video conference or email system is still a formal routing of messages

one of the most important acts of a bureaucracy is to set up

NORMS AND STANDARDS OF BEHAVIOR that members are expected to follow. some of the norms are EXPLICITLY STATED in a employee handbook and some are IMPLICIT (following your co-workers to the appropriate lunchroom at the appropriate time

when people group themselves together for a specific purpose, they form an

ORGANIZATION. when they attempt to communicate to support the goals of the organization, it is called ORGANIZATION COMMUNICATION

some other distinguishing features of a bureaucracy include an

ORGANIZATIONAL CULTURE. just as a society create norms, customs, rituals, rewards & punishments, and taboos, so so leaders and followers at work create a type of unique society. members of that "CORPORATE CULTURE" are supposed to know and they socialize newcomers with probationary periods, initiation rites, rituals, and reinforcement. American law recognized the power of an organizational culture to create or tolerate harassment by its members. employers can be held liable if the acts of their members create an organizational culture that discriminates, harasses, abuses, or demeans a member (or class of members)

lastly, a bureaucracy has some sort of

PHYSICAL PRESENCE THAT REGULATES COMMUNICATION B/W ITS MEMBERS= communication infrastructure (telephone and computer lines, pagers) these serve as the internal and external communication needs. there is a body of research in nonverbal artifactual communication that shows what furniture arrangements promote or inhibit discussion in work groups - physical arrangements communicate to the members where they stand in the hierarchy

secondly, each member of a bureaucracy has a

RATIONALLY DEFINED DIVISION OF LABOR FOR THEIR POSITION. an organization will discuss and map out specific duties and they are usually spelled out in an employment contract, handbook, job description, or in a formal meeting. Presidents and CEOs have diff duties than line and assembly personnel. duties carry guideline, PRESCRIPTION AND PROSCRIPTIONS about communication and regulate the members' use of speech and nonverbal behavior

a bureaucracy also has opportunities to

RECHANGE AND RENEW ITSLEF. despite the prevalent view that a bureaucracy is a slumbering giant resistant to change, organizations do change over time. some changes can be massive. these activities lead to a variety of symbolic changes from huge layoffs to new chief of operations

All interpersonal communication is _______?

RELATIONAL, )i.e. every interaction defines and redefines our relationship)

parallel relationships are characterized by

SENSITIVITY to your partner's needs and often have MORE SPONTANEITY & EXCITING PATTERNS than the same routine day in and day out unless you both are happy w/ complementary or symmetrical relationships.

when you first meet, you INITIATE communication through the use of

SMALL TALK & CLICHES. the initiation stage is almost always characterized by SURFACE LEVEL COMMUNICATION. how about this weather? did you watch the Gators yesterday? what's your major?

two people in a dyad also create a view of SOCIAL ___________. What we mean by this is every couple presents some sort of __________ through their responses, some of which are very daily opinions ("Oh, we never do that." "Well, that's not really a good restaurant.") to deeply held values ("Roger and I think abortion is murder")

SOCIAL REALITY. what we mean by this is every couple presents some sort of view of the world through their responses, some of which are very daily opinions ("Oh, we never do that." "Well, that's not really a good restaurant.") to deeply held values ("Roger and I think abortion is murder")

even though the communication may seem meaningless, just the fact that you initiated conversation may be a

SYMBOL OF INTEREST. in some cultures where male-female communication is strictly regulated, meaning may be inferred by CULTURAL AGENTS and consequences could happen, even if you initiate conversation to learn the language and need someone to practice with. what Americans view as harmless social interaction, conservative culture may view intergender initiation of conversations differently.

when you get comfortable with your partner and see your future with them you make a

SYMBOLIC COMMITMENT WHICH INDICATES BONDING. in romance, ppl get engaged and married. the wedding ring becomes the physical symbol of bonding, the ceremony is the public announcement of the commitment, and your new life together confirms the fact that your future is intertwined.

a bureaucracy generally has a

SYSTEM OF CONTROLS, a way of ensuring CONFORMANCE & COMPLIANCE with established procedures of the group. again, these may be explicit rules (a co's substance abuse policy) or they may be implicit (looks of disapproval)

SOCIAL INFLUENCE THEORY

Social Influence Theory helps explain a lot about dyadic communication. how do you really know yourself? have you compared yourself socially?

when you express a desire to dissociate and there is a deadline with it

TERMINATION STAGE. ppl going thru divorce often compare this stage to a train pulling into the final station

however, sometimes that is not the case. people often choose not to reveal certain things about themselves

UNEQAL EXCHANGES in the amount and depth of disclosure could signal discord or large power differentials, both hazardous interpersonal situations in need of change

everyone has some amount of decision making control but in most dyads, research shows relationships are characterized by ________ control.

UNEQUAL CONTROL. rarely to we have a 50/50 slip and rarer still is a 100/0 split but they do happen. most of us have a 60/40 or 70/30 splits but power and control can fluctuate over a lifetime

of course, this brings on conflict through defensiveness if the

VALENCE of the interpersonal communication is negative

social influence theory states that we all form norms and standards of behavior in dyads and in larger groups

a 1999 survey showed that a third of all subordinates at work felt like punching out their bosses for real or imagined insults. the difference is that most of us have self restraint controls and we do not feed or urge on those feelings.

a bureaucracy also has REGULAR AND ONGOING EVALUATIONS of its members

a co had the right to evaluate a member's performance and to recommend changes in their behavior. most of the time the evaluations center on TASK PERFORMANCE, however, evaluations of a member's social and communication behavior are common

an organization is

a group of people that come together, is designed, and structured in such a way to facilitate and achieve a desired objective. to do this, they share goals and a purpose.

one significant factor in breakups is when one person experiences

a major change. your communication becomes so unlikable that you cannot tolerate it another minute. worst of all, as in social exchange theory. you realize that the costs far outweigh the rewards of the relationship and you realize that it may be over.

in the work dyad, the boss may give you a raise, a promotion, or simply pat you on the back. perhaps your boss will begin to include you on important decisions and more responsible tasks.

all of these indicate a higher level of trust, commitment, and dependability b/w your boss and you

if there is no implementation at all,

all the agreed upon changes would be worthless

REFLECTED APPRAISAL

along the way, you will undergo a number of processes in checking your self perceptions. from time to time, you'll reflect and appraise your behavior. you will determine what you can do to keep the successful interactions happening and what you can change about the unsuccessful ones by thinking deeply about your behavior

believe it or not, not all terminations of relationships are bad, esp in spousal abuse cases but terminations have to be handled competently

an amicable divorce, not using the children, keeping tempers calm, and knowing when to push and pull back are FACILITATING BEHAVIORS during DISSOLUTION as opposed to debilitating ones. it is possible to terminate using metacommunication to face up to the reality of a broken relationship. it's how you terminate that's more important

ROLES are appropriate stances or ______.

appropriate stances or positions

women, on the other hand, are more ______ speakers, enjoying the camaraderie of sharing a private movement with family and friends. As a group, women tend to _______ long social conversations rather than ________ solutions to problems and issues that are on their mind.

are more private speakers, enjoying the camaraderie of sharing a private movement with family and friends. as a group, women tend to prefer long social conversations rather than quick solutions to problems and issues that are on their mind.

CONTROLS are __________ for adherence and sanctions for violations.

are rewards for adherence and sanctions for violations

readjustments and recalibrations are difficult to manage and may require professional intervention. we all adjust and find a balance in our relationship

as a natural result of getting to know someone over the years. but once in a while something internal or external causes imbalances that must be addressed for the relationship to survive

the social exchange theory- rewards outweigh cost- is an economic model

as your interpersonal relationship deepens, you put more EQUITY into it. you really do INVEST in a relationship. you BANK "favors" and goodwill to DRAW UPON in times of crisis and conflict. and like a financial investment, you do communicate with symbols whose positive value you hope will grow over the years

self esteem exerts a large influence on your self concept in terms of

attitude toward your self and how certain you are of your self and your abilities

as you find out more about each other, you begin to notice similarities b/w you not just in surface-level facts and opinions but now in

attitudes, schemas, values, & central beliefs. should you both reveal that you are born-again Christians, or that you went to the sam high school and know the same friends, your relationship will INTENSITY

other debilitating factors in relationships include

backtalk (in fam and work dyads), snide comments, excessive teasing, and public ridicule. research shows almost every killer surveyed had suffered from public ridicule from their parents

good bureaucracies take stock of themselves regularly

bad bureaucracies continue to make the same mistakes over and over with false justifications

negative strategies

being right becomes more important than compromising and being sensitive to your partner

moving in together involved INTEGRATION of personalities and value systems

but also logistical and physical considerations. you begin to check with each other more frequently. your goals become your partner's goals and you communicate frequently to check on press.

most of us feel aggressive from time to time, even curious about "bizarre" experiences

but something pulls us back. SIGMUND FREUD called it the SUPEREGO

self concept

central to the presentation of the self is SELF CONCEPT. as a person grows, we acquire info about how to act, communicate, and use appropriate behavior. through a succession of EXTERNAL FACTORS (culture, society, parents, role models, peer groups) and INTERNAL FACTORS (basic personality, tolerance for uncertainty, emotional makeup) we come to know who are are

in CONDUCT DISORDER,

children tease or torture animals cruelly (esp. when they are confined), humiliate their friends and classmates (esp. the weaker ones), and lie about it when confronted. if this behavior is not corrected, these children grow up to be cynical, uncaring, unfeeling, and aggressive adults. the underlying cause is believed to be poor self esteem, low tolerance for frustration, lack of empathy, risk taking behavior and a general impairment of daily functioning and interpersonal relationships

evaluations have

clear criteria and some sort of written form designed to explain how the employee measures up to that criteria. but some of the evaluations may be as informal as a chat in the boss office or a quick memo from the CEO

in PARALLEL RELATIONSHIPS,

control, responsibilities, and power are FLUID. although there may be clear divisions of work, there is nothing preventing one partner from assuming other roles and responsibilities

in SYMMETRICAL RELATIONSHIPS,

control, responsibilities, and power behavior tend to MIRROR each other. soft voices and romantic convo are mutual. however, anger in one partner will bring out anger in the other. examining communication in symmetrical relationships shows that the behaviors presented will be MATCHED BY SIMILAR BEHAVIORS

lying

convinced themselves of an ALTERNATIVE SOCIAL REALITY (where their abnormal behaviors are acceptable) or that is more important to be right and in power than to respect the relationship

when bad differentiation reaches some sort of threshold, the

couple may refuse to address the problems constructively. maybe b/c they are getting nowhere and flat out tired. so they drift farther apart and the communication is characterized by low quantity and low quality such as lack of interest, distant nonverbal and touching behavior, and even a subtle hostility. regular activities become boring, unfulfilling, and repetitious

your co's structure, politics, and habitual communication behavior

create a communication climate that you have to master. in time, you will get to know the ropes, who has the real power, and who are influential but you will also participate actively in communication practices that tend to repeat and thus contribute to that climate

however, relational partners who always stick to fixed positions find that few relationships can withstand poorly negotiated or one-sided norms

cultural- many cultures prescribe submissive roles for women and children but in the U.S., creating an equitable individual identity within a relationship is normal and desirable

SOCIAL INFLUENCE THEORY

deals with how people influence each other by defining yourself through the reactions of others. i.e. walk into a nightclub and no one acknowledges you

a bureaucracy is a

deliberately structured group of people with a PHYSICAL PLACE OF OPERATION, DEFINED PLAN of operations, goals, norms, controls, and formal routing of messages. generally a bureaucracy has some sort of written statement of their mission and the way they operate. again some of the GOALS are TASK (making a product, achieve profitability, running a sports team) but some bureaucracies are SOCIAL (service club, support group, singles club, and reading clubs)

once convo is initiated, you begin to reveal info about yourself in the hopes that

disclosure will be reciprocated. this EXPERIMENTATION STAGE is characterized by small talk but with MORE INFORMATIONAL VALUE. details about your opinions and life begin to emerge. in fact it almost seems like you are AUDITIONING each other. pass the audition and the relationship continues. say something negatively revealing (racist, sexist, gross, or otherwise) and conversational turntaking of termination will occur

in 1970s, the idea transferred to let i "all hang out" in the hope that the

discussion would clear the air. the answer is usually somewhere in b/w "space" & "air"

ppl use verbal and nonverbal communication to manipulate us into giving up more than we want

do it very quietly (cold stares) and sometimes it happens by fore (physical assault, rape, or abuse)

college convos research

early breakups in the engagement stage were due to inappropriate self disclosure levels. either one partly disclosure negative personal info about themselves, or they revealed a different level of feeling about the relationship than the partner. the study confirmed the general social theory that older women tend to have more relationships and more intimate ones, and therefore understand the demands of a long term relationship. link to age and time of marriage and length of that marriage but were surprise at the size of the differences

when the cost outweigh the rewards, 2 things will happen.

either person will initiate communication designed to address that imbalance or failing that, terminate the relationship

perhaps we are satisfied with ourselves, perhaps we feel there is room for improvement.

either way, how we feel about ourselves- the distance between our real self and our ideal self- becomes our SELF ESTEEM

uncertainty reduction theory has been used not just for regular interpersonal interaction theories, but also for intercultural communication encounters

encounters b/w ppl from diff cultures are inherently uncertainty. the desire to reduce anxiety in forming interpersonal relationships fits perfectly with the foundation of URT Berger and Calabrese and others have set up

lifelong dyadic relationships that are satisfying and productive,

even if there is no economic or extrinsic rewards

there are 3 types of goals:

extrinsic, instrumental, and intrinsic

interpersonal context

face-to-fce, one-on-one

nobody likes this STAGNATION STAGE

few ppl can stand more than a few days of stagnation yet some ppl seem unable to muster the energy to change the relationship. when you do get some energy or the breaking point is looming closer, when that threshold is reached, both partner may decide to READJUST (actually changes have been agreed whether reached through compromise or outright warfare) & RECALIBRATE (actual changes have been implemented) the relationship

looking back at SCHUTZ' INTERPERSONAL NEEDS THEORY

finds that inclusion in a relationship is very desirable b/c we need that social stimulation in our lives. however it is important to remember that we form relationships to achieve goals, whether they are INTRINSIC (WITHIN OURSELVES FOR INTIMACY) or EXTRINSIC (FINANCIAL, ADMIRATION, STATUS). is the point of every relationship to become intimate? it depends on the participants and what they want out of life, romance, or social situation

around the late 1880s, German sociologist MAX WEBER describe 5 BASIC FEATURES OF A BUREAUCRACY.

first and foremost, Weber feels that an organization has a FIXED AND UNIVERSAL SYSTEM OF SANCTIONS THAT ARE BASED ON A MEMBER'S REPUTATION FOR COMPETENCE AND PERFORMANCE. the organization places VALENCE on your performance. if the valence is positive, the member is positively sanctioned (included in meetings with higher ups, afforded more decision making power and responsibility, given a raise). if the valence is negative, attempts to correct behavior that is outside the norm will start. most companies have a PROBATIONARY PERIOD that will review you after 6 months. when the behavior doesn't change after a predetermined time, negative sanctions will be implemented which could range from disciplinary actions, loss of privileges, reassignment, transfer, or outright firing

a member who follows the norms generally is rewarded,

first by inclusion into the group, & later by promotion or recognition.

CHARLES BERGER & RICHARD CALABRESE

first proposed Uncertain Reduction Theory in 1975 and over the years have refined it to say that we have much uncertainty over other people's attitudes and beliefs as well as anxiety in predicting their behavior in a number of situations

to simplify this subject, we have four basic stages of self concept formation:

first, we take INVENTORY of our strengths and weaknesses in the SELF AWARENESS STAGE. then we determine how satisfied we are with them in the SELF ACCEPTANCE STAGE.

team building in the workforce, as opposed to the old method of assigning ppl to task groups,

focuses on the members influencing each other in terms of work habits, commitment to the project, and mutual trust and reciprocal feedback

What are some examples of dyads?

friend to friend, parent to child, student-teacher, boss to employee, etc.

in Asian, African, and some Latin American countries, convos are held at SUPERFICIAL LEVELS and info in PERCEIVED FROM YOUR SOCIAL & FAMILY CIRCUMSTANCES. if your new friends know your family is from a certain town and holds a certain position in society, that is ENOUGH FOR THEM TO JUDGE YOU.

hall calls these "HIGH CONTEXT" CULTURES

ppl who nag usually think they have the right to correct the course of others and that their nagging advice will change their partner's behavior

however, most receivers question the legitimacy and intelligence of the nags. demonstrates vast difference b/w what sends think they are sending and what the receiver receives. research shows that ppl generally don't like being manipulated into changing their behavior and nagging is the primary form of manipulation

at certain times of your life, you will realize you have attained the top of a particular hierarchy

i.e. finishing a four year college degree or retirement or examples of your 4th stage of self concept formation - SELF ACTUALIZATION. your true potential is realized when you do things for your own pleasure. your growth is motivated from within not b/c anyone nagged you to into it, told you to do it, or forced you in any way. when you graduate from college, you realize then that you have actualized your true potential

INTERPERSONAL NEEDS THEORY & FIRO: In the 1960s, _______ presented the INTERPERSONAL NEEDS THEORY. Apparently, we all have the need for _________, _______, & _____ OVER THE PEOPLE AND EVENTS IN OUR LIVES.

in the 1960s, WILLIAM SCHUTZ presented the INTERPERSONAL NEEDS THEORY. apparently, we all have the need for INCLUSION, AFFECTION-AFFINITY, & CONTROL OVER THE PEOPLE AND EVENTS IN OUR LIVES.

1960s, many speech researchers advocated free and unrestricted self disclosure. anytime was a good time to reveal intimate details to a partner

in the 1980s, that feeling changed to a more RESTRICTED VIEW that for self disclosure to add to an interpersonal relationship, it has to be the right info, to the right person, at the right time, and in the right location

that is not to say that Americans can't be high context

in the South, family connections are important introductions into adult society and many ppl are likely to introduce themselves as the son or dauighter of someone known in the town

some people believe that every interaction is an opportunity to dominate but people who keep the needs and desires of their partners in mind and have a healthy sensitivity to other people often have more satisfying relationships

in turn, they get more beneficial mutual and reciprocal positive feedback

INSTRUMENTAL GOALS

include RELATIONAL EXCHANGE (giving respect to get respect, mutual affection)

American business now recognize that in a global economy,

initiative and innovation can come from the team members themselves, and not solely the higher management. to do this, we empower staff to take on more responsibility, to communicate more effectively, and create higher level of productive norms through social influence

be aware of "problematic" dysfunctional relationships where most of the

interaction is negative and causes great difficulty in relating to ppl. the women whose rage towards her unsuccessful husband causes her to become bitter toward her friends is transferring anger onto others. man whose personal problems cause him to lash out at co-workers and subordinates. child who seeks attention by disrupting classroom are all examples of ppl who have problems interacting with even the most sympathetic partners

unlike self concept theories that focus on one partner (the individual) in the communication event,

interaction theories focus on the ACTUAL MESSAGE EXCHANGE - the instant when our communicative behavior reveals our true meaning

to simplify matters, interpersonal communication and theories of self are the M______ OR C_______ OF SYMBOLS

interpersonal communication and theories of self are the MESHING OR CLASHING OF SYMBOLS

DIFFERENCES B/W INTERPERSONAL AND IMPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

interpersonal relationships are marked by UNIQUENESS that you find important in your life. impersonal communication is very ordinary, mundane, and functional

EXTRINSIC GOALS

involve the value of association and contacts

for some of us, the nonverbal symbols of success are _______________ i.e. a pair of old worn jeans is fancy enough

irrelevant

What is a DYAD?

is a group of two people with some sort of relationship between them. generally their interaction is face-to-face and there is an expectation of future interaction. it doesn't matter whether the relationship is very goal oriented or simply social. the power structure and VALENCE (positiveness or negativity) of the interactions will become evident and the research tends to support a number of factors that lead to successful interpersonal relationships

DEFENSIVENESS

is behavior that indicates that a person's ego or image is threatened. instead of addressing the issue, the defensive person lashes back ("oh you're the one to talk!") , attacks the perceived critic ("you don't know what you're talking about"), discounts the accusations ("that's b.s.") or changes the critics shortcomings ("you think I'm sloppy. you should see your room after a weekend.")

through RELATIONAL CONVERGENCE

it is true that couples, romantic, work, or social, become one with other, finish each other's sentences, and find love and happiness even after 20 or 30 yrs of marriage, employment, or friendship

those who do not conform to the rules run the risk of disapproval,

lack of power and influence, and isolation from a group, even firing

it is important to note that some relationships are better able to handle conflict

long term relationships have more "equity", more history to draw upon so they are less likely to dissolve over more trivial issues. the investment in time and effort brings long term marries couples a measure of buffer against conflicts that would doom a younger couple. also, certain life changing events (the birth of a child or overcoming a serious illness) adds more equity to the relationship than others

in these situations, METACOMMUNICATION is called for

metacommunication means talking about talking, talking about interactions, and talking about your relationship

some of us have large needs in inclusion and affection. some of us are extremely controlling m (ie. control freaks). However, most people desire what?

most of us desire a combination of these three needs.

RELATIONAL CONVERGENCE: most partners in interpersonal interaction ______ info about how to communicate with and react to their partners. After a while, we _______ that our partner may not tolerate foul language or want to avoid certain topics. We learn to respect each other's conversational wishes as our relationship _______ and our values ________. We agree on our daily activities and the norms of communication. We avoid forbidden topics and known when to pull back when we approach ____________ BOUNDARIES.

most partners in interpersonal interaction gain info about how to communicate with and react to their partners. after a while, we learn that our partner may not tolerate foul language or want to avoid certain topics. we learn to respect each other's conversational wishes as our relationship deepens and our values converge. we agree on our daily activities and the norms of communication. we avoid forbidden topics and known when to pull back when we approach RELATIONAL BOUNDARIES

FEEDBACK SENSITIVITY

most people develop a healthy sensitivity to people's feelings in conversations. bullies- have no sensitivity

CONTROL IN TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS: in order to determine the communication qualities of a relationship, it is helpful to understand control in 3 basic types of relationships

most ppl have COMPLEMENTARY RELATIONSHIPS: two partners bring qualities that help the dyad form a whole- ex. the President of a country often has a chief of staff who bring organizational qualities that help a dyad form a whole.

some ppl are overly defensive and perceive threats from seemingly harmless statements

nagging is a serious threat to relationships. even the most mild mannered person will notice insults, store them up (large and small) surpass a threshold for tolerance, and set a date for terminating the relationship

interpersonal communication on a scale from

non-initimate (distant) to intimate (physically, psychologically, or environmentally). this can be measured through observing the amount and type of disclosure b/w interactants.

high levels of uncertainty tend to increase info seeking but also reduce intimacy

on the other hand, uncertainty tends to increase reciprocity in hopes of getting info partners can use to predict behavior

SOCIAL PENETRATION THEORY

one of the oldest interaction theories around is 1973 ALTMAN AND TAYLOR'S SOCIAL PENETRATION THEORY. social penetration is concerned with how people BOND in a relationship as a consequence of the quality and quantity of SELF DISCLOSURE as well as the breadth and depth of the info disclosed. typically we move from superficial and surface level talk to more intimate communication (verbally and nonverbally) Altman and Taylor say are generally centered around mutual satisfaction of personal and social needs

even in a dyad,

one person assumes leadership and influences the other. sometimes both influence each other through following mutual activities and confirming how much they enjoyed it. most of the time that is healthy.

SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORY

one popular theory of interaction is THIBAUT AND KELLY'S SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORY. Thibaut and Kelly theorize that as we interact, we rationally weight the COSTS AND REWARDS of communicating in that relationship.

DEBILITATING BEHAVIORS

ones that create BARRIERS to healthy relationships include defensiveness, nagging, & perception of control. these types of communication move the dyad close to RELATIONAL BOUNDARIES- the point at which you may break off the relationship b/c a forbidden topic was brought up, a bad name for your partner was used, or you were outright insulted. then you and your partner have to clean up the metacommunication issue ("how dare you call me that name!") before you get back to the original issue ("now about that garbage you don't take out for the 3rd day in a row")

when we cannot negotiate how much autonomy we have in the relationship or sense that our partner has too much freedom outside the relationship, we

perceive a threat to the relationship. BAD DIFFERENTIATION. communication, from daily convos to deep discussions about values often result in arguments that reflect incompatible goals, irreconcilable differences, or deep divisions in how to achieve those goals or rectify the mistakes. when a couple notices this and acts on it, they begin drifting apart, physically or psychologically. metacommunicatively, you both realize something serious is threatening the relationship and those issues have to be faced before it can be repaired

whether that symbolic commitment takes a

physical form, or is something nonverbal that passes b/w you and your partner, bonding is an important rite of passage for partners

sometimes begin promoted is a

political act of acquiring resources, info and valuable contacts. sometimes its just plain luck - being in the right place at the righ time

another factor in successful long term relationships concern the fact that some ppl are more rhetorically sensitive than others.

ppl who keep their audience in mind, even if its an audience of one when they are communicating are likely to enjoy satisfying convos that are free of control, negative perceptions, and misunderstandings that could hurt the relationship

social influence theory predicts

ppl will negotiation a concept of self within their relational partner and move towards the neutral or empathic communication in normal times and when conflict occurs

in these types of interactions, you continually validate views of each other through confirming and disconfirming behaviors which range from

quiet grunts and groans to loud public declarations

in periods of crisis and conflict,

rhetorically sensitive ppl focus on preserving the relationship instead of being right or stubborn. they recognize that there is a time to push and a time to pull back and don't mind sharing control. they believe that giving in is good for the relationship but does not meaning giving up an ego, status, or face

social comparison is a powerful shaper of your

self concept

sometimes the informal communication NETWORK (gossip, lunch breaks, email)

set of emotional tone of your office and this can be a powerful factor in your job satisfaction, relationships at work, and productivity. oftentimes, morale problems can be traced to tolerance of negative communication behavior (gossip, rumors, backbiting, lying)

always being told to live up to an image of a more successful sibling can be a

significant demotivator and cause of resentment, low esteem, self worth & negative self concept

most important factor in health relationships is that the relationship is deemed more important than the tangible issues. conversely, ppl who concern themselves w/ dominance and power (being right at all cost) find themselves very weak partners of few friends

some relationships deserve to die because debilitating interactions are not good for the psyche

in a hierarchy, sometimes getting promoted to a higher rank involves demonstrating a higher capacity for good work.

sometimes it is becoming a follower and adhering to the "COMPANY LINE". this is called "SOLDIERING" & just as in the military, the follower "TOES THE COMPANY LINE" without question

social penetration and self works in 3 ways. onion metaphor

sometimes we know a little bit about a lot of things about our partners much like peeling a layer or two of an onion. sometimes we know a lot about one or two thing about a person much like taking a deep chunk out of one area of an onion. sometimes we know a lot about a lot of area of our partners much like peering the onion down layer by later until you reach the core. when you reach the core

NORMS are standards of ________.

standards of behavior

RHETORICALLY SENSITIVE ppl use

supportive language & words free of negative connotations. they spend the time and energy to listen when you want them to listen, they sympathize with you when you are down, and they appreciate your emotional needs and triumphs. in convos, they generally don't hog the floor or put others down. plenty of equal turntaking, never top someone's stories or try to compete for attention or admiration. avoid interpositions and nullifications. sensitive communicators use feelings and emotional lang instead of cliches. avoid placing blame and using judgments and evaluations. ppl who use sensitivity and openness with a focus on the relationship while avoiding petty negative issues find tat their attitudes, philosophies, and relationships converge

on the other hand, just the fact that someone is listening to you, esp in a crisis situation, is a

symbolic indication of belonging in that dyad

HIGH ESTEEMERS

tend to be more confident, more able to withstand criticism, and tend to work harder for demanding bosses. they are bothered less by little things and generally make an effort to maintain successful relationships, in the social circle and at work

LOW ESTEEMERS

tend to view the world negatively, are likely to expect rejection from others at first, and they take criticism more personally. withdraw from social relationships but occasionally they mask their low esteem, lack of confidence, and insecurities with aggressive behavior. whether its sarcastic remarks or outright defiance, bullies often suffer from low esteem and may be the loneliest people around. it sounds strange, that a low esteem depressed person would be aggressive but it happens. they cannot build themselves up but they can sure tear you down

research shows that bureaucracies that feature open and honest and mutual messaging generally function better

than ones that feature one-sided communication and a traditional top-down chain of command, esp in American organization - definite association b/w reciprocity and feedback behaviors - said they would give up pay raises and prospects for promotion if their immediate instructional leaders communicated more openly in a more positive communication climate. that feeling was stronger for women than men

when people leave the table when you start talking

that is a pretty clear nonverbal indication of your lack of importance or salience to them

As your relationship gets more interpersonal and develops over time, what happens with interpersonal communication with respect to amount, depth, and breadth?

the amount, depth, and breadth (width) of info you tell about yourself or know about your partner increases

result of debilitating behavior is

the breaking of trust. once the trust is violated, the relationship will come that much closer to the breaking point. serious metacommunication must occur for repairs to be implemented if that trust is to be restored

when the REWARDS (stimulation, satisfaction, contentment, pleasures, or outright thrills) outweigh the COSTS (negative feelings, negative valence, poor quality of info),

the communication reflects a desire to keep the relationship going

this is the aformentioned concept of RELATIONAL SUFFICIENCY

the degree to which your interpersonal relationship fulfills your goals whether those goals are economic, emotional, or relational. relational sufficiency is an indicator of health and satisfaction with your partner's communication style which has a direct bearing on how your relationship will develop and be maintained.

retirement has given them access to the aesthetic things in life-

the highest hierarchy on MASLOW'S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS

in long term relationship, the maintenance stage is rarely a smooth road.

the maintenance stage is more like a roller coaster ride with high and low points. mature communicators try to maximize the highs and minimize the lows but as we know, some of us have higher highs and lower lows than others

compliance gaining strategies

the most common tactics are: positive and negative reinforcement, inclusion and exclusion from a dyad or group, SEQUENTIAL PERSUASION TECHNIQUES (repeated exposure to a message) but think of all the communication you do to convince a friend and how frequent, intense, and repetitious your messages are

sometimes we form relationships -very quickly -after a long period of time -change over time

the point is that both partners have to be ready. then they find a NATURE RHYTHM & RATE OF DEVELOPMENT that fits both participants. self disclosure will be low at first, but quicken and deepen as the relationship develops. in fact, you can tell a lot about the progression of your relationship form the quantity and quality of self disclosure. at some point from the type of interaction you have, you will realize that a relationship has been established as long as both of you express it verbally or nonverbally. if only one person sees it that war, it is very hard to force a relationship on the other.

As the relationship deteriorates, what ahppends to disclosure?

the quality and quantity of self disclosure decreases correspondingly

the type of person we are (or we think we are) often dictates

the type of person we will be in normal and crisis interactions

as we initiate relationships, we form strategies to find out about our partners. in Western culture, we generally use direct verbal strategies. our convos are very detail oriented and we are not offended by direct questions about our activities, beliefs, and social circumstances.

theorist Edwin Hall calls these "LOW CONTEXT" CULTURES

in control of conversations, men are more _____with speaking, enjoying entertaining with _____ and __________ in front of groups while women in that same conversation will remain relatively ______. Men tend to _______ women during conversations more than women ______ men while women are less likely to ________ at public gatherings such as family reunions, formal banquets, conferences, etc.

there are some gender based research conclusions. men are more public with speaking, enjoying entertaining with stories and accomplishments in front of groups while women in that same conversation will remain relatively quiet. men tend to cut off women during conversations more than women cut off men while women are less likely to speak at public gatherings such as family reunions, formal banquets, conferences, etc.

one of the central issues in social influence theory and research is how ppl influence and control each other

these activities are called COMPLIANCE GAINING STRATEGIES AND TACTICS and it turns out they we have many diff strategies and tactics to exert influence, power, and control

all these verbal and nonverbal cues are really indications whether your partner accepts or rejects your review of yourself.

they could be considered VALIDATIONS OR INVALIDATIONS of your worth to them.

the study of organizational communication begins with the study of a common type of organization called a BUREAUCRACY

though the term has a definite negative connotation, the term bureaucracy very adequately describes the process of ppl coming together to achieve goals, whether those goals are task or social

ORGANIZATIONAL COMMUNICATION involves

transmitting messages to a deliberately structured group through CHANNELS (formal or informal or both). these messages hold meaning for and have influence on the individuals, subgroups, and members as a hwole.

snide remarks, insults, disconfirmations and invalidations, story topping, topic shifts, interposition, and nullifications are the

types of communication seen in the bad differentiation stage. your friends may notice you bickering and arguing more, sullen expressions, and outright hostility. these are signs that the quantity and quality of communication is going downhill fast

LOW ESTEEMERS v. HIGH ESTEEMERS

typically WITHDRAW from communicating with others while high esteemers seem to make friends at ever yturn and often have rewarding convos

the self concept develops over time therefore it changes slowly- gradual process unless life-changing event occurs

very rarely do we change our self concept instantly unless we experience something very deep and moving (religious conversion, life threatening event, seeing war up close)

when relationships converge, we _______ rules of _________.

we adopt RULES of social conversation

SOCIAL COMPARISON

we also reflect on our performance by looking at us relative to some sort of REFERENCE GROUP based on age, gender, ethnic background, educational level or other measurement. ex. after we check our midterm score, we turn to our other classmates to see how they did. we observe others in our situation to see how they handle things. we compare and contrast our performances to others

THEORIES OF INTERACTION incorporate what we know about ourselves and predict how will act with another person

we bring all sorts of history and "BAGGAGE" when we elated to others and then we negotiate our way along. as you get to know each other, you learn about your partner's communication style, i.e. forbidden topics, hot buttons, turn-ons, etc. then you act on what you know until you find out otherwise

we now recognize that in the interpersonal relationship,

we communicate our norms, leadership and follower rules, explicit rules and guidelines, and systems of controls.

RELATIONAL COMMUNICATION - how and why ppl relate to each other thru communication

we form relationships for a number of reasons. PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ATTRACTION is at the top of the list. but how would that explain opposites like Marilyn Monroe and playwright Arthur Miller? perhaps they COMPLEMENT each other. one is beauty, the other is the brains. sometimes we form deep relationships based on PHYSICAL PROXIMITY. secretaries marry their bosses, teachers date students, and colleagues get together socially. however, few of those relationships would deepen without psychological proximity. in fact, as you converse, you find out info about each other, some of which you may find salient to your value system and personality.

in complementary relationships,

we see a SPLIT in control, responsibilities, & power. perhaps it is a 60-40 split, 70-30, or 80-20. rarely do we see a 100-0 split although it is not unknown. "I leave all decisions up to him, after he makes all the money." however, large differences in control are seldom mutually satisfying even if the physical results are impressive (large home, big bank accounts, adorable children yet unsatisfied and frustrated spouse)

most ppl define trust as commitment to relationship and dependability- doing what you say you will do.

when a bond breaks (due to infidelity, untrustworthy actions, family crisis), it can be repaired but it will never be the same as before the break

UNCERTAINTY REDUCTION THEORY

when people first meet, research studies say the initial interactions show a high degree of apprehension about what to say to their partners and how to react to them. as we find out more details about our partners, our anxiety lessens. we become more comfortable with the norms of behavior you create between each other.

over the years, you develop your own stylized vocabulary, pet names for each other, and habits like telephoning every first month.

when you haven't seen each other for a long time, there's always apprehension that you or your partner have changed so much that you have to go back to the information gathering stages, tread carefully, and use more questions for clarification until you are sure how to proceed.

then you slide into the AVOIDANCE STAGE,

which is characterized by definable and noticeable physical or psychological distance. ex. move out, separate rooms, get fired or reassigned, may realize your bbf for 5 yars in untrustworthy w/ the info you tell her confidentially so you avioid her

why do we disclose

with self disclosure in interactions, we assume that our disclosures will be RECIPROCATED. in other words, we disclose in return for disclosure. we found out more info in return and act on it in order to achieve a comfortable level of intimacy. this way we can predict our partner's behavior toward us and how we react to them.

Goffman brought up theories of self in the hopes that we would understand that our communication with others depends on communication ________ ourselves.

within

this may be the root of most conflicts esp b/w 2 strong willed and opinionated ppl. one partner yells at the other (thinking that a louder voice will intimidate) yet that person

yells back defensively ("Oh yeah, you're a good one to talk"). or the parent that shouts "Get in the car now!" gets angrier when the response is "I said I'm not ready!" That's why counselors and therapists work on less yelling and humiliating types of communication as a first step in overcoming debilitating relational convos. video "Yelling in Families" that shows a family engaged in strong-willed behavior that threatens their happiness.

the INTENSIFICATION STAGE is exciting.

you begin to form opinions about your relationship and the possibilities for the future. in the romantic dyad. we become perfect partner in each others' eyes and each succeeding detail that matches your ideals is discovered. SELF DISCLOSURE BEGINS TO INCREASE DRAMATICALLY. in work relationship, feel a sense of fitting in with the values and corporate culture. in romantic dad, begin to anticipate each other's presence

social influence theorists point out that as you get to know someone well,

you begin to influence each other. sometimes one person has more influence than the other.

the verbal and nonverbal signs of those splits become obvious as you relate to each other and to others outside your dyad.

you may change them from time to time but over the years, your complementary patterns of power become noticeable and stable. you fall into patterns of behavior that symbolize your control, duties and responsibilities

when you reach the inner core of disclosure,

you understand your partner's central core of beliefs, value system, and criteria for judging the world. this generally happens in long term relationships

at some point after you have known a person for a while,

you will notice differences b/w you and your partner. from ordinary preferences to deeply held values and beliefs. it is how you handle those differences and integrate them into your interaction that shows the strength of your bond. generally, using METACOMMUNICATION WITH A POSITIVE VALENCE IS A GOOD STRATEGY

if there is a LARGE DISTANCE between the real you and the ideal you,

your ESTEEM WILL SUFFER unless that is what is expected of you

RANKS is your _______ in a hierarchy.

your position in a hierarchy

when you begin to take on each other's commitments,

your relationship begins to INTEGRATE. you become less of an individual and more of a team (at work) or a couple (in romance). "I" becomes "we" and you expect your time commitments to be shared whether its a social function you attend together or planning vacay time