Four Basic Styles of Communication

A passive communicator will say, believe, or behave like:

- "I am unable to stand up for my rights" - "I'm weak and unable to take care of myself" - "People never consider my feelings"

The passive-aggressive communicator will say, believe, or behave like:

- "I'm weak and resentful, so I sabotage, frustrate, and disrupt." - "I'm powerless to deal with you head on so I must use guerilla warfare." - "I will appear cooperative but I'm not."

The aggressive communicator will say, believe, or behave like:

- "i can dominate and intimidate you" - "it's all your fault" - "i'm entitled"

The assertive communicator will say, believe, or behave in a way that says:

- "i speak clearly, honestly, and to the point" - "i can't control others but i can control myself" - "i respect the rights of others"

The impact of a pattern of aggressive communication is that these individuals:

- become alienated from others - generate fear and hatred in others - always blame others instead of owning their issues, thus are unable to mature

The impact of a pattern of passive-aggressive communication is that these individuals:

- become alienated from those around them - remain stuck in a position of powerlessness - discharge resentment while real issues are never addressed so they can't mature

Passive-Aggressive communicators will often:

- deny there is a problem - use sarcasm - use facial expressions that don't match how they feel

Passive Communicators will often :

- fail to assert themselves - tend to speak softy or apologetically - exhibit poor eye contact and slumped body posture

The impact of a pattern of assertive communication is that these individuals:

- feel in control of their lives - are able to mature because they address issues and problems as they arise - create a respectful environment for others to grow and mature

The impact of a pattern of passive communication is that these individuals:

- often feel anxious because life seems out of their control - often feel resentful (but are unaware of it) because their needs are not being met - are unable to mature because they ignore their own feelings

Assertive communicators will:

- state needs and wants clearly, appropriately, and respectfully - speak in a calm and clear tone of voice - have good eye contact and relaxed body posture

Aggressive communicators will often:

- try to dominate others - speak in a loud, demanding and overbearing voice - have an overbearing or intimidating posture

Aggressive Communication :

I am direct in expressing my needs, wants and opinions and I give no thought to other people's (I win, You lose)

Assertive Communication

I clearly express my needs, wants and opinions in a way which is considerate of others (i win, you win)

Passive Communication :

I do not express my needs, wants and opinions directly I put others' needs above mine (I lose, You Win)

Passive-Aggressive Communication :

I indirectly make sure that others are aware of my needs, wants and opinions (I win, You lose)

What are these 4 styles?

Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive, Assertive