GS - MGT 303 CH 2 Interpersonal Communication Skills

Nonverbal communication the process of sending and receiving information, both intentionally and unintentionally, without using language.

Nonverbal signals play a vital role in communication because they can strengthen or repeat a verbal message (when the nonverbal signals match the spoken words), weaken or contradict a verbal message (when nonverbal signals don't match the words), or replace words entirely.

If you don't already have a note-taking system that works for you, an effective technique is to

divide a sheet of paper into two columns and record key points from the speaker in one column and your summaries, questions, or potential responses opposite those points in the other column. If you are using a laptop or mobile device to take notes, make sure you can do so quickly enough to keep up with the conversation and in a way that doesn't disturb others.

View every conversation as a potential opportunity to

gain or share information, to give or accept help, to foster a beneficial relationship, or to build your personal brand.

Even with good intentions, difficult conversations can sometimes stall or go unexpectedly off track. If you sense this happening, adjust your approach. Rather than trying to convince the other person to adopt your point of view, switch into

learning mode for a while and try to hear what he or she has to say as objectively as possible. Let the other person know you want to understand the reasons for the impasse by offering prompts or asking questions such as, "Help me understand your perspective" or "What am I not seeing here?"38 By backing away from the confrontation, you establish yourself as someone who wants to reach a solution, rather than someone intent on getting his or her own way.

Conflict resolution often requires

negotiation to move the parties toward a mutually acceptable solution.

If you are unable to take notes and have no choice but to memorize, you can hold information in short-term memory by repeating it silently or creating lists in your head. To store information in long-term memory, four techniques can help:

(1) associate new information with something closely related (such as the restaurant in which you met a new client), (2) categorize the new information into logical groups (such as alphabetizing a list of names), (3) visualize words and ideas as pictures, and (4) create mnemonics such as acronyms or rhymes.

Learning Objectives After studying this chapter, you will be able to

1 Explain why listening is such a complex communication process, and describe three steps to becoming a better listener. 2 Explain the importance of nonverbal communication, and identify six major categories of nonverbal expression. 3 Outline an effective process for initiating, sustaining, and concluding workplace conversations. 4 Explain the causes of workplace conflict, and identify five productive steps for resolving conflict. 5 Describe the importance of negotiation as a communication skill, and explain how to prepare for and conduct a negotiation.

5 Steps to Resolve Conflict When you encounter conflict in a work setting, follow the five steps in this section to resolve it in a positive and constructive way (see Table 2.6). Of course, the specific tactics you should take depend on your role in the conflict and your relationship with the other party or parties. For instance, if you are the manager of a team that is experiencing conflict, rather than being involved in the conflict yourself, taking the role of an impartial mediator will probably be more productive than aligning yourself with one side or the other.

1. Decide if the conflict is worth resolving. 2. Examine your own beliefs and behaviors. 3. Identify where the conflict originates. 4. Establish common ground. 5. Choose a strategy for resolving the differences.

3 of 3 Becoming a Better Listener: Listen Actively At this point, you probably recognize the most important point to understand about listening, which is that to be effective, it must be an active process. Listening well requires energy, effort, and attention. Active listening is making a conscious effort to engage with other people and to turn off your internal filters and biases in order to truly hear and understand what they are saying. This section describes five ways to help you listen more actively (see Table 2.3).

1. Put Yourself in an Open and Positive State of Mind Prepare yourself to have your beliefs challenged and to learn new information.11 Accept that you might not have all the answers, even if you are an expert or the person in charge. This will help open your mind to what other people are saying. 2. Keep Yourself Engaged As the discussion moves along, commit to staying engaged, which requires consciously managing your behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. Remember that your brain has excess processing capacity while you're listening, and it will wander off and find new things to think about if you let it. The technique of vocalized listening can help you stay focused. While someone else is talking, repeat the key ideas to yourself silently, analyze their meaning, and summarize related points of information. Compartmentalizing thoughts and emotions unrelated to the topic at hand can also help you stay focused and engaged. If you are worried or excited about something unrelated to the conversation, visualize putting that emotion in a box inside your mind with the understanding that you will attend to it later.

Becoming a Better Listener Now that you have a sense of how listening can go off track, here are three vital steps to becoming a better listener:

1. minimizing the barriers to effective listening, 2. adapting your listening style to the situation, and 3. engaging in active listening.

Preparing for a Negotiation The notion of process is important. Effective negotiators prepare thoroughly and follow a methodical, rational process to achieve their goals.51 Preparation involves three steps:

1. understanding and clarifying your own position, 2. evaluating the other party's position, 3. and assessing the situation.

Initiating Business Conversations Business conversations can be grouped into three types: For all three, the success of the conversation can hinge on how it gets started, so use these first few moments to launch the conversation in a positive way.

1. unplanned conversations, 2. informal planned conversations, and 3. formal planned conversations.

2 of 3 Becoming a Better Listener: Adapt Your Listening Style to the Situation 1. Content listening Understand and retain the information the other party is sharing Because you're not evaluating the information at this point, it doesn't matter whether you agree or disagree, approve or disapprove—only that you understand. Actively work to filter out anything other than the information itself, including the speaker's appearance, vocabulary, level of experience, or position in the company. If appropriate, ask questions to clarify any points you don't understand or to get more details. However, don't challenge or correct the speaker.

2. Critical listening Understand and evaluate the information in terms of logical arguments, strength of evidence, validity of conclusions, implications, and any omissions; understanding the speaker's motives may be relevant as well If you're skeptical, ask questions to explore the speaker's point of view and credibility. Be on the lookout for bias that might influence how the information is presented, separate opinions from facts, and watch for logical fallacies that could undermine the speaker's arguments or conclusions.7 (Note that "critical listening" does not mean you are listening with the intent to criticize, but rather to understand the full meaning and implications of the speaker's message.) 3. Empathic listening Understand the speaker's feelings, needs, and wants, regardless of whether you agree with his or her perspective Importantly, this style of listening gives the other person the freedom to share without fear of being judged or evaluated.8 In this sense, empathic listening is a complementary skill to critical listening, because you need to silence your critical faculties and focus your attention on the other person. In fact, the information exchanged in an empathic conversion is sometimes less important than simply giving someone the opportunity to be heard. Be aware that empathic listening can be a difficult habit to get into, particularly for people who are used to solving problems and taking charge of situations.

3 of 3 Becoming a Better Listener: Listen Actively (continued) 3. Respect Silence Respect Silence Don't automatically speak at the first moment of silence. Sometimes silence is an important part of the conversation. The other person might be collecting his or her thoughts or looking for a clearer way to express something.15 Also, if someone pauses in the middle of a sentence, don't rush in to complete it—particularly if your real motivation is to demonstrate superior knowledge or intelligence.16 Don't jump in immediately if the other person pauses while talking.

4. Pay Attention to Nonverbal Signals One of the advantages of oral communication over written formats is the ability to see what isn't being said in the form of nonverbal signals. These include hand gestures, facial expressions, posture, eye contact, and so on. As "Improving Your Nonverbal Communication Skills" on page 43 explains, the information in the signals can strengthen, weaken, or even replace spoken language. 5. Take Thoughtful Notes If the information you are likely to receive in a conversation or presentation will be important to use during the exchange or later on, write it down. Don't rely on your memory. Chances are you will forget or confuse important details. Of course, the decision whether to take notes depends on the situation. If someone is sharing personal or confidential information or is asking for your advice, it might not be appropriate or necessary to take notes.

Using Nonverbal Communication Effectively Paying attention to nonverbal cues will make you a better speaker and a better listener. When you're talking, be conscious of the nonverbal cues you are sending, and use them to reinforce your spoken message. For example, if you want to persuade someone to collaborate with you on a project, don't lean back in your chair with your arms crossed while making your pitch. An open and forward posture will reinforce your message of cooperation.

Also consider the nonverbal signals you send when you're not talking—the clothes you wear, the way you sit, the way you walk (see Figure 2.2). Whether or not you think it is fair to be judged on superficial matters, the truth is that you are judged this way. Don't let careless choices or disrespectful habits undermine all the great work you're doing on the job. In addition, be mindful of how your dress and grooming choices affect your own attitude. If you believe that you've made the effort to look your best, you will feel more confident, and that confidence will manifest itself in a variety of positive nonverbal signals.

Step 5 : Choose a Strategy for Resolving the Differences Now that you've clarified the precise cause of the conflict, you can start working toward a resolution. As you move forward, focus on the problem, not on the people involved (unless personal behavior is the problem), and focus on the future, not the past.

Also, if you are in a position to make or recommend solutions, make sure you truly understand the dynamics in play before moving toward a solution. For example, if you have recently taken over as manager in a department rife with conflict, take the time to listen to all sides and understand what is going on before taking action.45 Resist the urge to jump into action and try to fix the problem; you might just make it worse.

Step 3 : Identify Where the Conflict Originates Conflict can originate at different levels or depths (see Figure 2.4). At the shallowest level, the conflict might simply be about language, when people use different terminology to express similar thoughts.

At the deepest level, people disagree about fundamental values and principles, such as the company's responsibilities to employees or to society in general. In between, the source of conflict might be cultural differences, disagreements over organizational priorities, personal versus group priorities, work methods, or personality differences. The real source of the conflict might not be the apparent source, the one that is most visible.

3 of 3 Business conversations: formal planned conversations.

For both types, the most important decision in terms of initiating a conversation is whether you want to be direct (open the conversation with your main idea) or indirect (lay out your reasons first and build up to your main idea).

Step 5 : Choose a Strategy for Resolving the Differences (continued) Common strategies for resolving conflict include avoidance, accommodation, compromise, and collaboration. Avoidance. In some situations, the best solution is to avoid the circumstances that create conflict, rather than trying to fix the conflict when it does occur. For example, if two people working on a project team simply don't get along, it might be in the team's best interests to divide tasks in such a way that the two don't have to work together. Avoidance doesn't solve the underlying conflict, of course, and it should be used only when a real solution isn't possible or would cause so much disruption that it wouldn't be worth the trouble. Accommodation. One side in a conflict can decide to accommodate or sacrifice for the good of the organization or to maintain harmony in a relationship.46 For example, if two people disagree about the best way to approach a project, one might decide to accept and support the other's approach, even though he or she has reservations about it. Of course, a true professional in this situation will work diligently to make the project succeed.

Compromise. In contrast to accommodation, the two sides can choose to meet somewhere in the middle, with both sides giving up something. Balanced compromise is one of the hallmarks of successful teams and groups.47 Collaboration. Whereas compromise seeks a middle ground that requires some sacrifice from both sides, the parties can choose to collaborate on a new solution that satisfies everyone's needs and expectations. Collaboration in this sense can be a rewarding experience because it makes conditions better for everyone and gives a team or group the satisfaction of a shared accomplishment.

Constructive Versus Destructive Conflict Although the term conflict sounds negative, conflict isn't necessarily bad.

Conflict can be constructive if it forces important issues into the open, increases the involvement of team members, or generates creative ideas for solving a problem. Teamwork isn't necessarily about happiness and harmony. Sometimes two mediocre ideas can collide and produce one really great idea that no one had considered. Even teams that have some interpersonal friction can excel with effective leadership and team players committed to shared goals. As teamwork experts Andy Boynton and Bill Fischer put it, "Virtuoso teams are not about getting polite results In contrast, conflict is destructive if it saps productivity, damages morale, or threatens to spread to other people in the organization. When this happens, it's time to step in and address the situation.

During a phone call, the pitch, rate, and other qualities of your voice can send nonverbal signals. Even with written messages (both printed and digital), design and formatting choices send nonverbal signals, although the focus here is on interpersonal communication. Six types of signals are particularly important (see Figure 2.1 on the next page): Nonverbal signals include (6) 1. facial expressions; 2. gestures, posture, and gait; 3. vocal characteristics; 4. personal appearance; 5. touch; and 6. use of time and space.

Facial expressions. Your face is the primary vehicle for expressing your emotions because it can reveal both the type and the intensity of your feelings.23 Facial expressions can also affect other people's emotions—a smile or frown, for instance, can trigger a similar response in anyone you are talking to.24 Your eyes are especially effective for indicating attention and interest, influencing others, regulating interaction, and establishing dominance.25 Vocal characteristics. Aspects of voice carry both intentional and unintentional messages. A speaker can intentionally control pitch, pace, and stress to convey a specific message. For instance, compare "What are you doing?" and "What are you doing?" Unintentional vocal characteristics can convey happiness, surprise, fear, and other emotions (for example, fear often increases the pitch and pace of your speaking voice). Subtleties in intonation or emphasis can completely alter the meaning of a spoken message. Gesture and posture. The way you position and move your body expresses both specific and general messages, some voluntary and some involuntary. Many gestures—a wave of the hand, for example—have specific and intentional meanings. Other types of body movement can express meanings that may be unintended. Slouching, leaning forward, fidgeting, and walking briskly are all unconscious signals that can reveal whether you feel confident or nervous, friendly or hostile, assertive or passive, powerful or powerless.

1 of 3 Becoming a Better Listener: Minimize the Barriers to Effective Listening (continued) As Chapter 1 notes, selective attention and perceptual biases can lead listeners to mold messages to fit their own beliefs and conceptual frameworks. Listeners sometimes make up their minds before hearing the speaker's full message, or they engage in defensive listening—protecting their egos by tuning out anything that doesn't confirm their beliefs or their view of themselves.

Feeling angry or annoyed during a conversation limits your effectiveness because you'll be more likely to judge or reject what you hear. "Listen Actively" starting on the next page offers helpful advice for getting yourself in the right frame of mind.

Step 4 : Establish Common Ground Looking again at the "stack" in Figure 2.4, identify the highest level at which the parties do agree. For example, if a project team agrees on the team's mission but not on work methods, you know that the resolution to the conflict needs to focus on how the team goes about its work.

However, if one of the parties to the conflict thinks the project is a waste of time, there's not much point in discussing work methods. Trying to fix a problem at the wrong level will likely just add to everyone's frustration. Find the highest level at which opposing parties are in harmony; the conflict originates in the next level up.

Gracefully Concluding a Conversation Bringing a conversation to an end can sometimes be an awkward step. Some conversations are bounded by a specific time limit, and others have a natural structure that brings the conversations to a close (interviews, for example).

However, sometimes you and the other person will need to mutually conclude that you're ready to bring the conversation to an end. You can usually sense that the other person is ready to end the conversation—which is another good reason to pause frequently when talking, as it gives the other party the chance to indicate that he or she is ready to end. If you need to end the conversation, a simple "Well, I better get back to work" will usually suffice.

Nonverbal signals are a factor in virtually every instance of communication, and they can convey a significant portion of the information and emotions shared in interpersonal communication.19 In fact, you may have heard the claim that nonverbal signals convey most of the message in face-to-face communication. You might even see specific percentages, such as that words carry only 7 percent of meaning and nonverbal elements carry 93 percent (with tone of voice making up 38 percent of that and body language the other 55 percent).

However, the experiments that produced these figures more than 50 years ago attempted only to assess the feelings of the speaker and have not been confirmed by other research.20 These percentages do not apply as a general rule about nonverbal communication, so ignore any claim about words carrying only 7 percent of your meaning.

Effective Listeners (see list)

Ineffective Listeners

2 of 3 Business conversations: Initiating Planned Conversations Because these exchanges are planned, you have time to prepare the questions you would like to ask, the information you would like to share, and answers to questions you are likely to get. If you requested the conversation, it's usually your responsibility to do enough planning to ensure a productive use of the other person's time.

Initiating a planned conversation is often simple, because the agenda or discussion plan usually defines the first topic of conversation and identifies which person will lead the conversation. In addition, be sure to start in an appropriate frame of mind and with an appropriate emotional tone.

1 of 3 Becoming a Better Listener: Minimize the Barriers to Effective Listening External barriers are anything in the environment or communication channel that make it difficult to hear the other party or focus on what is being said. If your work environment is noisy or prone to interruptions from people or pets, for instance, try to minimize these distractions during important conversations or arrange to speak in a quiet location.

Internal barriers are listener behaviors, thoughts, and emotions that hinder one's ability to understand, interpret, or accept what someone else is saying. They may not be as obvious as external barriers, but they can be much more disruptive. Managing your own thoughts and emotions can be a challenge during a conversation, but doing so is essential to good listening. In addition, you may have barriers to interpretation and understanding that you are not even aware of.

When one side makes its final offer, the other side then decides to accept it or walk away. Depending on the magnitude of the deal and the circumstances, negotiation can take anywhere from a few minutes to many months for complex business deals.

Negotiating your salary (or project fees if you are a freelancer) can be unnerving if you don't have much experience at it. Few people want to feel like they are being greedy or demanding, but if you worry too much about feeling this way, you might leave money on the table. To minimize the emotions that can hamper successful negotiations, base your position on solid research and remember that you are pursuing a business deal, not asking for a personal favor. Your services have value, and any company that wants them should be prepared to pay a fair price.

2 of 3 Preparing for a Negotiation: Evaluate the Other Party's Position After you have a clear and supportable idea of what you want, get as much information as you can about the other party's position. Ideally, you would like to know the other party's target, best alternative, and reservation points as well as you know your own. However, this is rarely possible, and you usually have to make do with whatever information you can get your hands on.

Now compare your negotiation range with your best assessment of the other party's negotiation range. Ideally, there is some overlap, meaning there is room for negotiation, often called the bargaining zone (see Figure 2.5).56 If you sense that there is no overlap, or discover this during the opening round of negotiations, you will need to rethink your target, reframe the discussion by considering other elements, or drop out and go with your best alternative. For any negotiation to be productive, the two parties' negotiation ranges must overlap. When you are negotiating a salary, a project fee, or a sales price, for example, the range you are willing to accept needs to overlap with the amount the employer, client, or buyer is willing to pay.

Step 1 : Decide Whether the Conflict Warrants Taking Action Not all conflicts are worth the time, energy, and disruption it might take to resolve them. For instance, if you're having personality clashes with someone on a project team but the project will be over in a few weeks, you will have to decide if it's better to address the situation or live with it until the project is completed.

Of course, ignoring a problem might achieve peace in the short term, but it isn't always the best long-term solution.41 If you believe that a colleague is routinely taking credit for your work, you'd better fix the problem before it affects your performance evaluations and prospects for promotion.

Understanding Why Listening Is Such a Complex Process Listening is vulnerable to all the potential barriers and breakdowns that you considered in Chapter 1's discussion of the communication process, plus there are several difficulties that are unique to listening. In addition, a number of listener behaviors can get in the way of successful communication (see Table 2.1 on the next page).

Unique Challenges of Listening Real-time experience Conversation is consumed as it is created; you can't scroll back in time like you can with written communication. Invisibility You can't see spoken language, so you have no visual record to refer to if you get lost or confused. Sound-to-language conversion Incoming sounds must be converted to language before your mind can begin to process what is being said. Mumbling, strong accents, and ambient noise can all complicate this process.

Choices and Behaviors That Affect Listening Quality In addition to the generic challenges of listening, a variety of listener choices and behaviors can also degrade the quality of a communication exchange.

Poor self-management. Communication suffers if listeners fail to monitor and manage their emotions during a conversation. Idle brain power. Your brain can process language three or four times faster than people typically speak, which means your brain has a lot of extra processing capacity while you're listening. Ineffective listening style. Even when listeners are actively engaged in conversations, the exchange can still suffer if they don't use the best style of listening for the situation at hand. Barriers to physical reception. Before you can listen to someone, you obviously need to be able to hear the other party speak, whether it's in person, on the phone, online, or on a recording. Missing even a single word can lead to confusion and misunderstanding. Flawed recall. The discussion of memory in Chapter 1 pointed out that incoming information needs to be transferred from short-term memory to long-term memory or it will be lost.

1 of 3 Preparing for a Negotiation: Understand and Clarify Your Position Preparation starts with understanding yourself and what you hope to achieve through negotiation. Careful consideration helps you separate emotions from facts, and it can prevent the common mistake of locking onto the first or most obvious goal that comes to mind.

Start by establishing your target, which is the sum of values you would like to achieve through negotiation. Be careful of several potential mistakes here, including limiting your target to a single item such as salary or purchase price if other elements might be considered as well, not asking for enough, asking for so much that you crash the negotiating process before it can even start, and not knowing what you want but only wanting the other party to give up something. Next, figure out your best alternative to what you might achieve through negotiation. (Negotiation professionals often refer to this as your BATNA, for "best alternative to a negotiated agreement."53) For instance, if you have a job offer from another company but would prefer to stay with your current employer if you can negotiate a raise, that outside job offer is your best alternative. Identifying the best alternative is a key step because it establishes a baseline to measure against. Finally, determine the least-attractive offer you are willing to accept. Negotiators often refer to this as your reservation point.55 This could be a single value, such as a price, or it could be a bundle of elements, such as salary, title, and benefits package. The reservation point and the target define the lower and upper boundaries of your negotiation range, respectively.

Why Conflict Arises in the Workplace Workplace conflicts can arise from a variety of causes (see Table 2.5).39 As you can see from the examples in Table 2.5, some conflicts are "blameless," in that they stem from natural forces in the business environment. Other conflicts have a more personal origin, and they may well be the fault of some of the people involved.

Structural Situational Interpersonal In addition, structural and situational conflicts can magnify interpersonal conflicts, and vice versa. For instance, when business is booming and people are getting raises and promotional opportunities, occasional personality clashes might not be terribly disruptive because life in general is good for everybody. However, when times are tough, such as when sales are dropping or a project is failing, the stress can amplify interpersonal conflicts as people's tolerances drop and they become more sensitive to perceived injustices and personal insults.

The Unique Challenges of Listening Listening involves three unique challenges. First, conversations and presentations happen in real time, meaning you must be engaged while the speaker is talking and stay engaged the entire time. If you want to verify something or attend to an interruption while you're reading, you can simply pause the process and pick it up again later. However, doing so is awkward at best and sometimes impossible when you're in the middle of a live conversation or listening to a presentation. (Of course, if you're listening to a podcast or other recorded speech, you can pause and come back later.) Second, speech is invisible, in that you don't have written words to refer to if you get lost or confused. If your mind drifts for a moment while reading, you can scan back up the page to figure out what is going on. You don't have that luxury with conversation. If you get lost, you must ask the other party to stop the conversation and repeat or re-explain.

Third, before listeners can begin to decode incoming messages, they need to convert incoming sounds into recognizable words and sentences. Doing so adds a layer of complexity that doesn't exist in other media, and a variety of barriers can get in the way, including ambient noise, a speaker who is mumbling or who has a strong accent, and physical difficulties in hearing.

Step 2 : Examine Your Own Beliefs and Behaviors If you are personally involved in the conflict, step back and examine your own perspective before taking any action. As tensions rise during a conflict, emotions can take over and distort one's view of the matter. Emotions can also lead people into behaviors that they wouldn't normally engage in.

This self-assessment might also generate a constructive way to open a dialogue with the other party, such as "I've thought about my role in this disagreement, and I see a change that I can make." Recognizing that you are willing to make a concession in the interest of resolving the conflict, the other party might respond in a positive way as well.

Nonverbal signals include facial expressions; gestures, posture, and gait; vocal characteristics; personal appearance; touch; and use of time and space. (continued) Personal appearance. People respond to others on the basis of their physical appearance, sometimes fairly and other times unfairly. Although an individual's body type and facial features define appearance to a large degree, you can control grooming, clothing, accessories, piercings, tattoos, and hairstyle. To make a good impression, adopt the style of the people you want to impress. Employers differ widely in their expectations of personal appearance, so make sure you are aware of your company's dress code, if it has one. Touch. Touch is an important way to convey warmth, comfort, and reassurance—as well as control. Touch is so powerful, in fact, that it is governed by cultural customs that establish who can touch whom and how in various circumstances. Even within each culture's norms, however, individual attitudes toward touch vary widely. A manager might be comfortable using hugs to express support or congratulations, but his or her subordinates could interpret those hugs as a show of dominance or sexual interest.26 Touch is a complex subject, in other words. Other than handshakes, the best general advice is to avoid touching anyone under any circumstances in the workplace. If someone else takes the initiative, you can choose to reciprocate if you want, but only if you are comfortable doing so.

Touch is a powerful element of communication, but it can be misused and misunderstood; as a general rule for the workplace, avoid any touching other than handshakes. Time and space. Like touch, time and space can be used to assert authority, imply intimacy, and send other nonverbal messages. For instance, some people try to demonstrate their own importance or disregard for others by making other people wait; others show respect by being on time. Similarly, taking care not to invade private space, such as standing too close when talking, is a way to show respect for others. Keep in mind that expectations regarding time and space vary by culture

Engaging in Negotiation Negotiation begins when one party makes the first offer. You may come across the advice to never make the first offer, but there is no conclusive evidence to support the wisdom of this advice.60 And in some cases, you don't have any choice but to make the first offer. If you are prepared and ready to start, make an initial offer that is near the upper end of your bargaining zone but still within or close to what you surmise is the other party's zone. Support your offer with verifiable facts, such as a published salary range for this position, a business valuation from a third-party appraiser, a bid from another supplier, or whatever is relevant.

Whoever makes it, the first offer establishes an anchor that all subsequent negotiations work from. Remember that you will always end up with less than your first offer—unless the other party immediately accepts your first offer, which probably means you didn't ask for enough. If the other party makes the first offer, your next move is to make a counteroffer. This serves two purposes. The first is letting the other party know that you are willing and prepared to negotiate. The second is adjusting the anchor established by the first offer. As you negotiate, remember to listen more, talk less, and never argue.61 Listening is important because you can pick up clues about the other party's target and reservation point. Conversely, the less you talk, the less chance you'll give away your own secrets. And arguing is an emotional response to a difference in opinions or perceptions. Stay calm and focus on the facts.

1 of 3 Business conversations: Initiating Unplanned Conversations These conversations aren't part of your regular work duties, but they can be some of the most beneficial for your career. They are opportunities to network with people across the company and to learn more about the company and its operations. They can also present rare opportunities to get a few minutes of "face time" with senior executives and other influential people. Plus, they can make work more satisfying by helping you and your colleagues relate to one another on a more personal or social level.

You obviously can't plan these spontaneous encounters, but you can prepare for them in a general way by keeping up to date on what is going on around the company and by being genuinely interested in what other people do. For example, educate yourself on the industry in which your company operates, identify its key competitors, and learn about your firm's major business challenges and opportunities. In most situations, the best way to initiate one of these spontaneous conversations is to ask the other person a question about his or her work (make sure it's nothing intrusive) or some issue that affects the company. This sends a positive message that you are curious about what is going on around you, and it provides some initial energy and focus for the conversation. Avoid gossip and complaining, unless you're expressing sympathy with someone's plight or brainstorming solutions or workarounds.

Although the media, movies, and leaders in both politics and business often extol the virtues of being a tough negotiator, it's a mistake to conclude that the best negotiators are

aggressive, belligerent, take-no-prisoners types. To the contrary, research indicates that higher emotional intelligence, which leads to greater self-control and generally makes people more likable, also makes people better negotiators. Such individuals are better able to monitor and manage their own emotions, and their positive approach promotes a cooperative spirit that can lead to more win-win outcomes.

Negotiation is

an interactive process whereby two parties with opposing or competing goals reach a mutually acceptable outcome. Negotiation is a valuable skill that will serve you throughout your career, and achieving many of your professional and organization goals will depend in some degree on negotiation.

Recognizing Nonverbal Communication Nonverbal communication is an intriguing part of business communication because it is both complex and somewhat difficult to pin down. On the receiving side, nonverbal signals are not always reliable (a person who avoids eye contact isn't necessarily trying to hide something, for example), and people vary widely in their ability to interpret signals correctly. On the sending side, some nonverbal signals are

controllable (such as choosing what to wear), some are habits you may not even think about (tapping your fingers when you're impatient, for instance), some are trainable (using specific hand gestures during a presentation), and some are involuntary (such as blushing)

Understanding the Principles of Negotiation One of the key reasons for common negotiating errors is a misunderstanding about what negotiating is all about. Effective negotiation is not a

ruthless competition in which you must always "drive a hard bargain" and never give in, nor is it necessarily a process of accommodation or compromise in which you always have to give up something to get something. Instead, it is an adaptable and ethical process that combines cooperation and competition in varying degrees, depending on the situation.

People negotiate frequently in their personal and professional lives, so as with listening, most of us tend to assume we're fairly good at it. However, controlled experiments show

that people are often far less effective at negotiation than they think they are. Common errors include settling for less than one could get, giving up more than one needs to, rejecting an offer that is better than any available alternative, and accepting an offer that is worse than other alternatives.48 Another kind of error is not negotiating at all, such as accepting the first salary you are offered without making a counteroffer or asking for additional benefits.

In some instances, conflicting parties can benefit from mediation

where a neutral third party guides them through the steps of resolving the conflict. When two colleagues or a subordinate and a manager can't reach agreement on their own, for instance, they might ask a representative from the human resources department for help. Mediators can help manage the emotions of the situation and ask probing questions that get to the root of the conflict. A company might also have formal grievance procedures, particularly if its employees are members of a labor union.

Maintaining a Positive Conversational Flow After the conversation starts, keep aware of how it is flowing, and take steps as necessary to make the exchange satisfying and successful. The appropriate steps depend on the nature of the conversation and your relationship with the other person, but here are seven general tactics to keep in mind:

• Don't talk nonstop. Talking nonstop for an extended period is self-centered, it's tiring for the listener, and it prevents the other person from asking questions or letting you know that he or she agrees with you. • Don't interrupt. Even if you don't agree with something that is being said or you feel compelled to assert your authority, don't interrupt. Interrupting is rude and sends a strong signal that you don't respect other people. • Express disagreement and criticism indirectly. If someone says something you disagree with, don't respond with a blunt "I disagree" or "You're wrong." Instead, look for ways to question the statement without making it feel like a personal attack. • Stay engaged—and appear engaged. Use brief conversational responses and nonverbal signals to let the other person know that you are engaged. • Summarize to reenergize and refocus. Sometimes conversations can lose energy or focus as they progress. One helpful tactic is to summarize what you've heard the other person say up to that point. • Ask direct questions. Ask questions to draw out information and encourage the other person to participate more fully. • Ask indirect questions. In some situations, asking direct questions can be intimidating or off-putting to the other person. A question like "Why did you do that?" can put someone on the defensive, for instance. You can depersonalize the query by rephrasing it as "Can you walk me through the decision process?

Checklist ✓ Becoming a Successful Negotiator • Recognize that negotiation should be an adaptable and ethical process that combines cooperation and competition in varying degrees, depending on the situation. • Driving a hard bargain or being a ruthless negotiator is generally less effective than being a respectful and cooperative problem solver. • Prepare for a negotiation by understanding and clarifying your position, evaluating the other party's position, and assessing the situation.

• Identify your target (the sum of values you hope to achieve), your best alternative to a negotiated agreement, and your reservation point (the least-attractive deal you will accept). • Make sure your negotiation range overlaps with the other party's; if not, one party needs to reconsider its offer or choose not to negotiate. • Remember that the first offer establishes an anchor, the point from which all subsequent negotiations take place. • If the other party makes the first offer, make a counteroffer to signal that you are prepared to negotiate and to reset the anchor.

3 of 3 Preparing for a Negotiation: Assess the Situation Different situations call for different negotiating strategies. Here are some key questions to consider:57 The best negotiating strategy depends greatly on the situation, so assess the situation carefully. • Is this a one-time deal or an episode in a long-term relationship? If it's part of a long-term relationship, you need to be mindful of how the process and the outcome will affect that relationship. • Can you walk away if you don't get what you want? The option of walking away from a deal is a powerful negotiating chip, but you don't always have that option. If you are negotiating the details of a new assignment with your boss, you probably don't have the choice to refuse the assignment if you can't get everything you want.

• Is there a "ticking clock"? Do the negotiations need to wrap up by a specific date? This can work for or against you, depending on the circumstances. • Is the amount of negotiable value fixed? In some negotiations, the sum total of all the value involved is fixed, and the parties are negotiating on how to divide the pie, so to speak. These situations are known as distributive negotiations. A distributive negotiation is a straightforward attempt to "slice the pie," whereas an integrative negotiation tries to expand the pie in a way that benefits both parties. • Can you expand the range of negotiable value? In contrast to distributive negotiations, in integrative negotiations, the parties can bring more to the table and create deals that work out better for both sides. If an employer can't increase its salary offer, for instance, it might offer other incentives, such as a moving allowance or a company car. These types of negotiations tend to be more cooperative and focused on long-term, mutual success.

Checklist ✓ Improving Your Nonverbal Communication Skills • Understand the roles that nonverbal signals play in communication—complementing verbal language by strengthening, weakening, or replacing words. • Note that facial expressions (especially eye contact) can reveal the type and intensity of a speaker's feelings. • Watch for cues from gestures and posture.

• Listen for vocal characteristics that can signal the emotions underlying the speaker's words. • Recognize that listeners are influenced by physical appearance. • As a general workplace rule, avoid any physical contact beyond handshakes; touch can convey positive attributes but can also be interpreted as a show of dominance or sexual interest. • Pay attention to the use of time and space.

Handling Difficult Conversations Here are six tips to help reduce the stress of these encounters and ensure more productive outcomes (see "Apply Your Skills Now: Prepare Yourself for a Difficult Conversation" for tips on applying these ideas in your academic and personal lives right now): • Rehearse your active listening skills. Review the five tips under "Listen Actively" on page 40, starting with putting yourself in an open frame of mind that is as positive as possible under the circumstances. • Prepare thoroughly. Giving or receiving unwelcome news is unpleasant, and the emotional element can magnify perceptions of unfairness or poor treatment. Make sure you have all your facts in order so the conversation doesn't get sidetracked with heated arguments over details.

• Visualize the situation from the other side. As you'll see in Chapter 5, understanding your audience is a vital step in all communication efforts, and it's particularly important when emotions are running high. Try to imagine the challenges the other person might be facing and how he or she might respond to what you have to say. You could find common ground to help resolve a disagreement, • If you are upset, vent before the conversation. Even if anger is justified in a particular situation, exploding at someone during a conversation will usually make a bad situation even worse. Venting some of the emotional pressure in a controlled way beforehand can help you calm down and think more rationally. • Clarify and compartmentalize your emotions. As the section on active listening notes, it can be helpful to temporarily compartmentalize your emotions so that aggravation or fear in some unrelated part of your life doesn't seep over into a business conversation. • Stay tuned to your own emotions. If you feel yourself getting tense, remind yourself to breathe slowly and deeply. If you're getting overwhelmed, see if you can take a short break, such as getting coffee or going to the restroom. Even a few minutes—and the chance to get up and move—can help you calm down.