Health 2.03: Effective Communication

Feedback

Another important part of communication is feedback. Feedback can be as simple as offering a compliment ("Great idea!") or nodding at the speaker to acknowledge understanding. It can be as complex as providing a useful critique or insight about the speaker. The purpose of feedback is to provide something constructive to the other person, not to put him or her down. Here's a tip for giving feedback that offers helpful criticism: First tell the speaker what you liked, and then offer a suggestion for improvement.

Be aware of how others perceive you

Ask a friend for an honest evaluation of how you come across to others. Take note of any areas for improvement and work on them.

Adopt a healthy, realistic self-image.

Both vanity and rampant self-criticism can be unattractive to potential friends.

Speaking—With and Without Words

Communication can be broken into three components: speaking, listening, and observing. If these components are working together, communication leads to understanding. First, let's look at the skills involved in speaking. One way to be clear and direct is to use "I" messages, which state your needs and feelings. They do not focus on the traits and behaviors of someone else. "I" messages do not blame or judge someone's behavior. They simply state how you feel about a behavior and what you want done about it. Using "I" messages allows you to take responsibility for your feelings. Here are the three parts of an "I" message: "I feel _______ when you _______ because _______," followed by a clear request.

Don't compete with others.

Competition can turn potential friends into potential rivals.

Resolve to improve yourself

Cultivating your own honesty, generosity, and humility will enhance your self-esteem and make you a more compassionate and appealing friend.

Maintaining a Mutually Healthy Social Support System

Developing and maintaining healthy social ties involves give and take. Sometimes you're the one giving support, and other times you're on the receiving end. Letting family and friends know you love and appreciate them can help ensure that their support remains strong when times are rough. The Mayo Clinic, a famous medical service and research center, has put together a list of things to keep in mind regarding social support systems.

Go easy

Don't overwhelm friends and family with phone calls or e-mails. Communication can be brief—five minutes on the phone or several sentences in an e-mail. Find out how late or early you can call, and respect those boundaries.

Social Support

Good communication is an important factor in mental and emotional health. A network of family and friends whom you can turn to for help in times of crisis and for companionship and fun the rest of the time is called your social support. In other words, social support is what friends and family do for and with each other. Research on social support shows that health is greatly affected by relationships. Having at least one person in whom you can confide and share your hopes, dreams, and disappointments is crucial to health. And good communication is essential to supportive relationships.

Listen up.

Make a point to remember what's going on in the lives of others. Then relate any interests or experiences you have in common. Sharing details about yourself and your life also can help establish rapport.

Avoid relentless complaining

Nonstop complaining is tiresome and can be draining on support systems. Talk to your family and friends about how you can change parts of your life that you're unhappy about.

Refusal Skills

Saying "no" is one of many refusal skills, and it is a very important part of communication. We care about what others think, and sometimes we're afraid that saying no will endanger a relationship. There are different ways to say "no," and some are more appropriate than others for a given situation or type of relationship.

Paralanguage

Speaking includes verbal elements (the words you choose) and vocal elements (the sound of your words). Tone of voice is one part of a vocal element called paralanguage. Vocal elements involve the sound that is used for desired or undesired effects. For example, think about the various ways one can say "hello." The vocal aspect, or paralinguistic element, is the sound of the word when it is said—how loud it is, the pitch (high or low), the inflection of the voice (is it cheerful, brief, or questioning?), the pace (fast, slow), and so on. When we speak, both language (verbal aspects or words) and paralanguage (vocal aspects or sounds) play significant roles in conveying our meaning.

Listening and Observing

The other half of speaking is listening, and believe it or not it takes some work to be a good listener. Listening is not just waiting for your turn to talk. It is letting the speaker know you understand and are involved in what he or she is saying to you. You use nonverbal communication when you listen as well as when you speak. When you are listening to someone, do you look away, get distracted, or think about something else? If so, you are communicating boredom or lack of respect for the speaker. If you look directly at the speaker, pay attention to his or her facial expression, focus on the words, and nod your head in agreement or sympathy, you are using active listening skills.

Adopt a positive outlook

Try to find the humor in things

Communication Is More Than Talking

When most of us hear the word "communication," we think of someone talking. Communication actually involves giving and receiving information. Radio, television, and the Internet are modes of communication. So are books, letters, e-mails, magazines, billboards, and newspapers. These examples all give a message, and you are the receiver. Communication between or among people is interpersonal communication. It is the process of sharing thoughts and feelings, and it involves speaking, listening, observing, and understanding.

Below are some actions of good listeners.

•Face the speaker and make eye contact (when the communication is in person). •Pay attention not just to what the person is saying, but to the person's body language and tone of voice as well. •Use verbal and nonverbal communication to show they are listening. •Ask questions and restate the speaker's message to check for understanding. •Show appreciation for what the speaker is saying. •Try to understand how the speaker is feeling, and reflect the feelings they picked up back to the speaker. •Don't allow their personal biases to affect what they are hearing. •Offer suggestions rather than advice.