Interpersonal Communication Chapter2

A Dismissive Attachment

When a caregiver is disinterested, rejecting or unavailable to the child. Yet people who develop this style don't accept the caregivers view of them as unlovable. Instead the dismiss others as unworthy. Children usually have a positive view of themselves and low regard for others and relationships. They often develop a defensive view of relationships and regard the as unnecessary or undesirable

A Fearful Attachment

When a caregiver is unavailable, or communicates in a negative, rejecting or abusive ways to a child. This way a child will think: -I am unworthy of love (negative self worth) -Others are not loving and can't be trusted (negative view of others) As adults they may avoid others or feel insecure in relationships. They tend to feel less hope, disclose less and experience less satisfaction with relationships than people with other attachment styles

A Secure Attachment

When a caregiver responds in an attentive and a loving way to a child, this way a child thinks: -I am lovable (positive self worth) -People are loving and can be trusted (positive view of others) As adults, people with this attachment style tend to be outgoing, affectionate, and able to face challenges. The are also comfortable by themselves without close relationships

Broadly Held Social Views

are values, experiences and understandings. Are revealed in 3 ways: 1)We learn them as we interact with others 2) We learn them through media that expresses cultural values 3)We learn them through institutions (Judicial system, marriage system)

Improving Self Concept

-Make a firm commitment to personal growth (commit to change, invest energy and put in effort) -Gain and use knowledge to support personal growth (Understand how your current self concept was formed, and gain knowledge on how to improve or change it) -Set realistic goals (baby steps, accept set backs and failures and learn from them) -Get support

Attachment style

A pattern of care giving that teach us who we and others are, and how to approach relationships. The bond between mother and a child can shape how we feel getting close to others and how secure we feel in others acceptance and commitment to us.

Personality

A set of "traits" that shape who we are and how others react to us. -But it is basically an external definition of us -some are genetically inherited like shyness, communication apprehension, willingness to communicate, etc.

Particular others

These are specific people who are important to us, who communicate to us who we are and what we are worth, through direct definitions, reflected appraisals, scripts & attachment styles (Example) Parent -> Child: special and cherished =worthy of love Parent -> Child; not wanted or loved = unlovable

How can you use communication to modify your self-concept or enhance your self-esteem?

Thinking you are rich, wont make you rich, however we can change many other things about ourselves. 1)Engage in positive self talk (Tell yourself you are the person you want to be) 2)Visualize yourself as the person you want to be (Imagine yourself the way you want to act) 3) Avoid comparisons (Don't compare yourself with others, if you must compare, compare your present with your past self) 4) Re frame your experiences (Look for positive in everything you do, look at negatives only to learn from the mistakes and improve) 5)Build a supportive social network (Get good friends who will help you become better, support you, who will listen, don't judge) 6)Let go of the past (Accept consequences, forgive yourself for the past and move on) 7)Seek appropriate support (Friends and family that supports you, you could talk to psychologists, teachers, etc.)

Direct Definition

Direct Definition is a communication that tells us explicitly who we are by directly labeling us and our behaviors. Children learn what is valued in them by others, and this turns into what they value in themselves. Positive Direct Definition-enhances our self esteem EX: (You're smart, pretty, strong, talented, great at sports, etc) Negative Direct Definitions-destroy our self esteem EX: (You're stupid, ugly, idiot, impossible to talk to, mean, etc)

Reflected Appraisal

Direct Definition is our perception, how WE think others see us, affects how WE see ourselves Our self concept is elevated when others admire our strengths, accomplishments, accept our weaknesses and problems. Our self concept it lowered when others express negative evaluations of us, they call attention to our flaws and problems and put down our dreams and goals. For example: If someone thinks that I am smart (or stupid), they will treat me that way. If I am treated like I am Smart (or stupid), I will act and even become this way.

Johari Window

OPEN (Known to you, known to others) -Public info like your name, age, height, major, taste in music. Things you share easily with others. HIDDEN (Known to you, unknown to others) -What we know about us, but chose not to reveal to other people. Our weaknesses, vulnerabilities, traumas, personal info, talents BLIND (Unknown to you, known to others) -Info that others know, but we don't. Needs and feeling that others may notice but we don't. UNKNOWN (Unknown to you, unknown to others) -Things like untried talents, or reactions to certain experiences you have never had. In order to discover them, we must try new things, experiment with new ways of communicating.

Identity Scripts

Identity Scripts are "rules for living" They define our roles and how we are suppose to live. As children we don't have much control, because most of the scripts are dictated by our parents. As adults, however we have the capacity to change our view on those scripts.

An Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment

The most complex of the four When a caregiver is inconsistent with treatment. For example: Sometimes a caregiver is loving and attentive, other times indifferent or rejecting. The caregivers communication is inconsistent and unpredictable. As adults they are preoccupied with relationships. On one hand they know others can be loving and caring, on the other hand, they know others can hurt and betray them and be unloving.

How do labels such as RACE and GENDER shape our perception of self?

Race: In Western society race is a primary aspect of personal identity. Gender: Still struggle for equal rights. Women are expected to be caring, supportive, while men are expected to be competitive, independent, etc. -Those who depart from broadly held social views experience social disapproval for violating gender "rules" Sexual Orientation: Heterosexuals=normal. Anyone else is abnormal. Many privileges are denied to non heterosexuals. Ex: Same sex marriage, Adopting, etc.

Self Disclosure

Revealing information about yourself that others are unlikely to discover on their own. (Revealing our hopes, feelings, weaknesses) Self Disclosure: -SOCIAL PENETRATION: Goes from less personal to more personal, like onion, layer by layer over time. -Reciprocal (you get back) =builds trust between people -It is a risk, people may stop talking to us or use the info against us. -It requires trust and trust is earned through SELF DISCLOSURE, COMMITMENT, INVESTMENT.

What is the difference between self-concept, self-esteem and self-image?

Self-Concept: How you define yourself Self-Esteem: How you feel about yourself Self-Image: How you think other people feel about you

What is the "SELF"?

Self-it is a process that evolves over the course of our lives. Your personal identity is formed and continuously changes during the process of communicating with others. (ex: Family [parents, siblings, relatives]; Peers [teachers, coworkers, customers] we internalize many of the perspectives and they become a part of who we are and how we see our selves)