Psychology 3110
What is the role of companionate love in successful marriages?
"Companionate love is typically stronger in enduring relationships than romantic, passionate love is and it is more highly correlated with the satisfaction people enjoy."
What is the Coolidge effect?
"If a male rat is caged with a female in estrus, he'll mate with her repeatedly until he is exhausted; however, if the first female is then replaced with another receptive female , the ma;e will mount her with renewed interest and vigor." Mrs. Coolidge notice rooster having lots of sex with hens, lots of stamina; mentions to Mr. Coolidge to which he reflected & replied "there is more than one hen".
According to Metts and Cupach, (1990), what are the consequences of stereotypic beliefs about men and women's degree of similarity?
"Pessimism and hopelessness." People who really believe that the sexes are very different are less likely to try to repair their heterosexual relationship when conflict occurs. Damaging, forestalling efforts to understand partner's point of view and preventing collaborative problem solving.
Read and know the synthesis of the literature on predictors of divorce
(there are a lot: alchol; age of marriage; prior marriage; parental divorce; race; SES; religion; stability (moving all the time); children; attachment styles; stressful life events; time together; sexual and martial satisfaction; Genetics) cohabited longer; kids before marriage; lower incomes; come from broken homes can put any couple at risk for divorce no matter how much they respect and value marriage.
*Know problemsolving.
* Define Problem (should be very specific; focus on behavior not person; focus on present and one problem at a time; ensure all parties are on same page about problem) *Brainstorm possible solutions: (without censoring or evaluating the solution; let it flow freely, anything that can possibly contribute to a solution) *Consider pro's and con's (evaluate each brainstormed solution also; think of best & worse case scenario) *Choose an Action (Select best option, imagine when and how) *Test Plan Action: (Imagine yourself following through with plan, come up with time and date to implement plan) *Evaluate outcome (Did solution resolve conflict? Are you happy with outcome? if not, go back to earlier steps: choosing a different action or brainstorming)
*What are the Big 5? Which one seems to have little to do with relationship success or satisfaction? Which one appears to be the most correlated with relationship satisfaction?
* Openness (to experience); least influential *Extraversion (how outgoing vs caution) *Conscientiousness (dependable vs careless) *Agreeable (compassionate vs selfish) *Neuroticism (high level of worry, anxiety, anger); most influential due to negative impact
KNOW the Awareness wheel. What are the 6 basic emotions?
**Sensory data (I&E); Thoughts/interpretations; feelings/emotions; intentions; & actions. Sensory Data External:(anything you receive from 5 senses - touch, taste, smell, sight, hear) Sensory Data Internal: Internal sensation: muscle tightness, goose bumps, intuition (fragments of memories, thoughts and dreams that are hard to put finger on) Thoughts:explanations of sensory data Emotions:Happy, Sad, Disgust, Anger, Surprise, Fear Wants/Intentions:Desires for yourself and others: Self; others & Stakeholders Actions:What you have done in the past, What are currently doing in the present, & What you plan on doing in the future.
What are the 3 relationship maintaining mechanisms mentioned in the text?
*Accomodation - in which people refrain from responding to provocation from partner *Willingness to sacrifice - their own self-interest for the good of relationship *Perceived superiority - they think their relationship are better than those of other people
*KNOW the listening cycle.
*Attend - (to both their non/verbal behavior - give them your undivided attention) *Acknowledge (the speakers experience - " I hear ya phase" "Mhm, nodding") *Invite - "I want to be here, I am here & invested" (Encourage more processing/talking - tell me more/go on) Summarize - Sum up what you heard/ make sure perceptions are accurate -Ask (Ask open ended questions)
Describe Lee's Love styles. Define eros, storge, ludus, agape, pragma and mania.
*Eros: Physical and romantic love High arousal and physical contact Strong attraction, but this typically fades over time Emotional highs and lows are common *Storge: Companionship Security and friendship Emotional highs and low unlikely *Ludus: Game playing, playful Thrill of the chase Low intimacy, low commitment
*What is Stenberg's triangular theory of love? a. Which side is most controllable? b. Least controllable? c. Which is the strongest predictor of relationship satisfaction for men? d. What about women? e. Be able to identify the different components of different types of love (i.e., nonlove has an absence of intimacy, passion and commitment)
*Love is made up of 3 components -Intimacy (the emotional connection); moderately stable over time -Passion (Arousal and Motivation); hardest to control (Strongest predictor of satisfaction for Men) -Commitment (decision to maintain love); most stable, have most control (Strongest predictor of satisfaction for Women) *Liking: High I, Low C, Low P *Romantic: High I, Low C, High P *Compaionate: High I, High C, Low P *Consummate: High I, High C, High P *Infatuation: Low I, Low C, High P *Nonlove: Low I, Low C, Low P *Empty: Low I, High C, Low P
Know the Rusbult, et al., model distributed in class.
- Discover that emotion well being of your partner has impact on our emotion well being & vice versa -View the relationship as continuing for foreseeable future -Decide to stay in relationship; influenced by satisfaction level; alternatives available & investments -Couples then engage in maintaining mechanisms (behavioral and cognitive)
How has our culture changed in the last 30 years in ways that would be significant for interpersonal relationships?
- Fewer people marrying than ever before -People are waiting longer to marry -People routinely live together when they are not married -People often have babies when they are not married -Almost 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce -More preschool children have mothers who work outside home.
*What factors does your text cite for the current divorce rate?
- we expect more out of marriage; higher standards -working women have more financial freedom -creeping individualism; social mobility -Laws make divorce easier -Casual cohabitation weaken commitment to marriage -Children of divorce are more likely to divorce -More of us have friends who are divorce
*What are the 3 hypotheses regarding why couples divorce according to the PAIR Project? Which predicted happiness? Divorce? Be able to explain why researchers believe these 2 findings are true
-Enduring Dynamics model: suggest that spouses bring to their marriage problems, incompatibilities, and enduring vulnerabilities that surface during their courtship; partner may be aware of this from start. (predicts how happy marriage would be- less generous, less tender, more uncertain and more temperamental from very start) - Emergent Distress: behavior that ultimately destroys a couple begins after they marry. -Disillusionment: couples begin their marriage with rosy, romanticized views of their relationship that are unrealistically positive (predicted couples who would actually divorce -drop in martial satisfaction was sharper and more pronounced - their love faded more rapidly) Level of satisfaction a couple experience and the change in that satisfaction over time are key players in relational outcome. (Less satisfied and the speed at which satisfaction decrease predicts your likelihood for divorce)
What is interdependence? Mutuality?
-Interdependence: between partners is the extent to which they need and influence each other - is frequent (how often affect each other), strong (they have meaningful impacts on each other), diverse (they influence each other in many ways); and enduring (they influence each other over long periods of time)...when one's behavior affects one's partner as well as one's self -Mutuality: Having a high degree of mutuality in a intimate also consider themselves to be a couple instead of two entirely separate individuals. They recognize their close connection and start to see "Us & We" instead of "I" and "Me".
Be able to define and give an example of the following: matching hypothesis, attractiveness leniency effect, contrast effect, mate value, stimulus value role theory, fatal attraction, and the Romeo and Juliet Effect
-Matching Hypothesis: Partners in established romantic relationship tend to have similar levels of physical attractiveness, that is, their looks are well matched. More serious & committed a relationship becomes, the more obvious matching usually is. -Attractiveness leniency effect: More attractive you are, the more likely you are to get away with things (Ex. Courtroom leniency) -Contrast effect: -Mate value: overall attractiveness as a reproductive partner -Stimulus-value-role theory: we gain three different broad types of information about our partners as a new relationship develops; (stimulus-age,sex,looks; value-similarities & role- compatibility - basics parenting, careers, housecleaning etc) -Fatal attraction: the quality that initially attracts one person to another gradually becomes one of the most obnoxious, irritating things about that partner. Romeo and Juliet Effect: The more their parents interfere with their romances, the more love the teens feel for their partners.
*Be familiar with the 4 attachment styles described in class and by Hazan and Shaver. Is attachment style changeable? How do experts believe we acquire a particular attachment style? Know the longitudinal studies of attachment and later relationships.
-Secure: comfortable with intimacy and interdependence; optimistic and sociable -Dismissing: Self-reliant and uninterested in intimacy; indifferent and independent -Preoccupied: Uneasy and Vigilant towards any threat to the relationship; needy and jealous -Fearful: Fearful of rejection and mistrustful of others; suspicious and shy Attachment styles are learned through experiences and too can be unlearned; and overtime can change
How does Cl Alt influence one's social power?
-Those with fewer CLAtl = more dependent on partner/less power you have
Be familiar with the 8 ways suggested to avoid miscommunication. a. How long should you take a break during a conflict to decrease emotional flooding? b. What % of couples report "perpetual issues"? c. Who is more likely to bring up an issue, men or women?
. Love maps - know your partner's psychological world 2. Culture of Praise and Admiration 3. Calm down - know when you are flooded - take a 20 minute break 4. Turn towards vs turn away 5. Accept influence, soften start up 6. Manage non relationship stress 7. Support each other's dreams 8. Keep on trying/repair attempts *20 minutes break * 96% of couples have perpetual issues, can be regulated but rarely are resolved *Women are more likely to bring up issues
Know the phases of Duck's relational dissolution model
1. Intra-psychic phase (personal phase): partner grows dissatisfied, compares flaws to cost of leaving 2.Dyadic phase: communicates dissatisfaction, negotiation, arguments, discussion, often partners can resolve issues and stop there 3. Social phase: Tell social support network; consolidate support, consider alternative 4. Grave-Dressing Phase: Emotional repair must occur following break up; divide property; custody issues; construct story of why relationship failed to justify actions and save face 5. Resurrection phase: ex-partners re-enter social life as singles, often telling other that their experience have changed them and they're smarter and wiser now
*Discuss evolutionary psychology as it relates to interpersonal relationships-what are its 3 assumptions? i. What is natural selection? ii. Parental investment? iii. Paternity uncertainty?
1. Sexual selection involves advantage that result in greater success at reproduction; all organism die but not all reproduce. Among those who do, some leave descendants than others. 2. Men and Women should differ from one another only to the extent that they have historically face different reproductive dilemmas. 3. Cultural influences determine whether evolved patterns of behavior are adaptive and cultural changes occurs faster than evolution does. -Natural selection: advantages conferred on animals that cope more effectively than others with predators, physical challenges such as food shortage. (Key to reproduction) -Parental Investment: Women's obligatory parental investment in their children may have supported the evolution of different strategies (limited reproduction potential) for selecting mates. Those who were more care about selecting partners had better change of reproduction more successfully (more of their children surviving to have children of their own) Men who promiscuously pursued every available sexual opportunity may have reproduce more successfully -Parental uncertainty: Women always knows weather or not the child is hers. Men suffer from paternity uncertainty; unless he is completely confident that his mate has been faithful to him.
About what % of people who seriously participate in behavioral couple therapy, cognitive-behavioral couple therapy and/or integrative behavioral couples therapy are likely to be doing better and will no longer report dissatisfaction with their marriages?
About 2/3rd (65-70%) of couples are no longer dissatisfied with their relationships
Which is couples therapy is the most successful (between traditional behavioral couple therapy, cognitive-behavioral couple therapy, emotionally focused therapy, insight oriented therapy and integrative behavior couple therapy)?
All appear to be about equally effective
Know the results of the British Columbia Bridge study.
An attractive female lab assistant offer her phone number to men in the middle of the famously rickety Capilano Suspension Bridge in Vancouver, British Columbia, and to men on a nearby sturdy concrete bridge. The men approached on the suspension bridge were more likely to call her. Sometimes arousal can be misattributed to romantic attraction when in fact it comes from another source entirely.
How does attachment style interact with sexual behavior?.
Avoidant people have less frequent sex with their romantic partners and more frequent sex with casual, short-term partners than secure people do. Men with dismissing attachment style are more likely than secure men to cheat on their partners. People who are high in attachment anxiety have more passionate, needier sex that springs from their desire to feel accepted by their partners. To avoid displeasing their partners, they are also less likely to use condoms and to refuse to do things they don't want to do.
Which is supported by the research: "bad is stronger than good" or "good is stronger than bad"? What is the magic ratio of rewards to costs observed in happy couples by Gottman? What is the ratio for unhappy couples?
Bad is stronger than good Happy/Satisfied Couples: 5 positive to 1 negative Unhappy/Dissatisfied couples: 0.8 positive to 1 negative
*What are typical cognitive and behavioral maintenance mechanisms (KNOW positive illusions, perceived superiority, etc.)?
Behavioral: Willingness to sacrifice: for good of the relationship Accommodation: the willingness to control the impulse to response in kind to partner's provocation Michelangelo phenomenon: help partner be who they want to be Self Control: manage one's impulses; control one's thoughts; curb unwanted behavior Play together: couples usually content when they find ways to engage in novel, challenging; pleasant activities together Forgiveness: quickens the healing of both the relationship and the partner who was wronged - it is less stress to forgive an intimate partner than a nurse a grudge; forgiveness promotes good health and good relationships Cognitive interdependence: going from Me & I to We and Us *Positive illusion: idealizing each other and perceiving their relationship in best possible light (faults are judged to be trivial; misbehavior deemed unintentional, etc) *Perceived superiority of relationship: makes one's partnership seem even more special and really does make a relationship more likely to last Inattention/uninterested in alternatives: relatively uninterested and unaware of how well they could be doing in alternative relationship Derogation of alternatives: allows people to feel that other potential partners are less attractive than the ones they already have
Which is more accurate, "opposites attract" or "birds of a feather flock together"?
Birds of a feather flock together Similarity is better than Dissimilar (cause of conflict)
What is pluralistic ignorance?
Both men and women overestimate their peers approval of, enthusiasm for, and frequency of hooking up. This is example occurs when people wrongly believe that their feelings and beliefs are different from those of others. By misperceiving each other's true preferences, a group of people can end up following norms that everyone think are prevalent but that almost no one privately support.
*Are complaining and conflict detrimental to relationships? a. What is kitchen sinking? b. What are the 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse? c. Who is more likely to stonewall, men or women? d. In what way is emotional flooding associated with conflict and with stonewalling? e. What is validation?
Complaining and having conflict in a relationship are not necessarily detrimental, unaviodable It is important how we conduct those disagreements Kitchen sinking - tend to address several topics at once 1. Criticism - Attack someone's personality or character, not behavior 2. Contempt - Intentionally insult and psychology hurt partner (eye roll, sneer) 3. Defensiveness -After experiencing contempt, the parties begin to defend themselves 4.Stonewalling- shutdown, refuse to communicate * most likely in men (85%) * when stonewalled women HR goes up Validation - acknowledges the legitimacy of person's opinions and communicates respect for their positions; does not require you to agree with person
Has marital satisfaction increased, decreased or stayed the same over the last 25 years?
Decreased U.S spouses who report that their marriages are "very happy" is lower than than it was 25 years ago; conflict and problems that spouses report are higher.
What are destiny beliefs? Growth beliefs?
Destiny Beliefs: assume that people are either well suited for reach other and destined to live happily ever after or they're not. Growth: good relationship are believed to develop gradually as the partners work at surmounting challenges and overcoming obstacles, and a basic presumption is that with enough effort, almost any relationship can succeed.
Which attachment styles are likely to miss positive things their spouses do for them?
Dismissing or fearful attachment styles are especially likely to miss some positive loving things their spouses do for them
*Discuss controllable/uncontrollable, internal/external and stable/unstable attribution. What are distress maintaining and relationship enhancing attributions? Which are associated with happy and unhappy relationships?
Happy Couples: Relationship enhancing; partners positive behavior (Internal, stable, controllable); partners negative behavior (External, Unstable, Uncontrollable) Unhappy Couples: Distress maintaining; partners positive behavior (External, Unstable, Uncontrollable); partners negative behavior (Internal, Stable, Controllable)
What about body movement? How do dominant/less dominant people present their bodies?
High status people - tend to adopt open, asymmetric posture Low-status people - use closed, symmetric posture that are relatively compact
Be familiar with the research on hand holding and threat (Coan, et al., 2006), as well as the Coyne, et al., 2001study examining quality of marital relationships and mortality rates
Holding a lover's hand reduces the brain's alarm in response to threatening situations. (Coan, 2006) Middle-aged patients with heart failure after 48 months: most with less satisfying relationships had died where as most of the people who were happily married were still alive. Patients who were satisfied with their marriages when they had heart surgery were 3x more likely to still be alive 15 years later than those who was unhappily married "Filling our need to belong can be a matter or life or death"
What are positive illusions? What are they associated with in terms of relationships?
Illusions portray their partners in the best possible light; are mix of realistic knowledge about partner and idealized perception. They don't ignore partners faults, they just consider them to be circumscribed; less important Associated with greater satisfaction as time goes by
Does attraction cloud judgment? Is the saying "Love is blind" supported by the research?
Male restaurant owner who is asked to evaluate an women based on her work. Easy peasy. If Male owner knew he would be going out on a date this Friday with Women then it would be more difficult (despite what he may think) to judge clearly. The possibility of romance influences judgement. "As these results suggest, in a real way, love is blind: people underestimate or ignore their lover's faults. they hold idealized images of their lovers that may differ in meaningful ways from the concrete realities they face."
Who tends to fall in love faster, men or women? Who tends to want to stay in a commitment relationship longer, men or women?
Men tend to fall in love faster than women do. Men seem to put more stock on passion, where as commitment is the best predictor of satisfaction for women.
What typically happens to dating couples' relationships in the months after they break up? Are young adults typically accurate in their predictions of distress initially and over time?
Months after breakup they were more detached from their old relationships and bouncing back. "The participants correctly predicted the rate with which their distress would fade with time - they knew that time would heal their wounds - but overestimated the initial pain they would feel when the breakup occurred" (417)
How do heterosexuals differ from same sex couples regarding what they fight more about?
More similar than different; Still CCC (Except replace Children with Money) Heterosexual: fight more about social issues Same Sex: Fight more about trust (Gay men especially fight more about extra dyadic sex)
How does reciprocity of self disclosure change with intimacy? Do people generally prefer disclosure to be reciprocal? Be able to describe social penetration theory.
New Relationships: we tend to match level of self-disclosure (reciprocity) Established Relationships: we value responsiveness (support, acceptance) over reciprocity Yes - No one likes a one-way street of self-disclosure (you tell me something, I tell you something) Social penetration theory - (relationship develops through systematic changes in communication Superficial, Social vs Core layers) Information about someone else's and several layers self-disclosure increases in both depth(how deep/personally significant topic is) and breath(variety of topics discussed -i.e taboo topics) as relationship develop
Is playing hard to get typically a successful strategy?
No, men especially prefer that women play hard to get for every other man except him.
Why is noverbal communication important? Is it typically less accurate than verbal communication? What is an interpersonal gap?
Nonverbal Communication typically is more accurate than verbal communication Interpersonal Gap - The sender's intentions differ from the effect on the receiver (The gap between what the sender intended to say and what the listener thinks she/he heard) (happens more in close relationships than with strangers)
What is excitation transfer? Misattributions? Know the results of the British Columbia Bridge study.
One type of misattribution Physiological arousal is caused by one event; we misinterpret the source (the first event) and instead interpret the second event as causing the arousal (ex. feeling inlove/attracted to someone after roller coaster)
What is the basic human need typically fulfilled via interpersonal relationships?
Our need to belong
Be familiar with the parental loss, parental stress, economic hardship and parental conflict models of why divorce has an impact on children. a. Which currently has the greatest support? b. Do the effects of divorce typically continue over time? c. Is it typically more detrimental for kids to experience divorce or be on in highly conflict homes?
Parental loss: children who lose a parent for any reason (divorce included) are worse off; children fare better when they spend time with both parents, and do worse if one parent moves away Parental stress: quality not quantity of parenting is key, who well the child does depends on who well the parent adjusts (children of divorce usually start doing more poorly in school when their parents grow dissatisfied long before they actually break up) Economic hardship: may be the impoverished circumstance that sometimes follow divorce that adds to children's burdens Parental Conflict: (most influential) conflict between parents seems to be hard on kids; whether or not a divorce occurs, conflict in home is associated with anxiety, poorer health in children. - Even when babies are sleeping brain that regulate emotions response strongly to the sound of angry voices. [Graham,2013] -Typically many of the poorer outcomes experienced by children of divorce gradually fade with time.
What is the Michelangelo phenomenon?
Partner helps us become who we want to be
What is the 2 factor theory of love?
Passionate attraction rooted in 2 factors: 1. Physiological arousal (physical component) 2. Belief that the source of your arousal is your beloved (cognitive component) -Room for misinterpretation or mistakes
Be familiar with Canary and Stafford's relational maintenance strategies. a. Are the beneficial effects of these mechanisms short or long lived?
Positivity; Openness; Relationship Talk; Assurance; Understanding; Sharing Tasks; Social Networks; Joint Activities "Found that the benefits of these effects were short lived: If these desirable activities stopped, contentment soon began to decline." - In other word; gotta keep at it.
*There may be questions regarding the assignment "Will you be there for me when things go right" a. Know what capitalization is b. Know the 4 types (passive-constructive, etc); be able to identify an example
Refers to the process of telling someone about something positive that happened; the way the other person responses is referred to as capitalization response. Active-constructive: convey enthusiasms about event and positive regard towards person (wow! thats great news) Passive-constructive: seem positive and supportive but response is quiet and reserved (Smile. That's nice dear) Active-Destructive:minimizes the importance of positive event and/or focuses on the potential downsides (Wow. That sounds difficult, are you sure you can handle new project?) Passive-Destructive: shows little or no interest in event (You won't believe what happened to me today or what do you want for dinner?)
Discuss dialectical theory (called dialectics in the text). What is it and what are the 4 opposing needs in relationships? Given a conflict, be able to correctly classify it
Relationships have a natural push and pull which keep them ever changing; Opposing needs in relationships As intimacy increases, there is an increase in the potential for problems/conflicts that may pull apart the relationship Autonomy vs connection: being independent vs wanting closeness/interdependence Predictability vs novelty: stability vs change Openness vs closedness: self disclosure/sharing vs wanting privacy Integration vs separation: (social network) maintaining friend& family relationship vs devotion to romantic parnter
*Discuss the satisfied/dissatisfied, committed/uncommitted types of relationships. What happens to CL and CL Alt over time? Is it influenced by culture? Do satisfied people tend to look for alternatives?
Satisfaction - when our expectation is met Dissatisfaction - when our expectation is not met (CL-expectations/satisfaction) Meet/Exceed CL + Poor Alt = Satisfied/Stable Meet/Exceed CL +Good Alt = Satisfied/Unstable Fails to Meet CL + Poor Alt = Dissatisfied/Stable Fails to Meet CL + Good Alt = Dissatisfied/Unstable **CL fluctuates overtime; cultural influences shape both our expectations(CL) and our perceived CLalts ** People in satisfied relationships often don't notice alternative
What typically happens to relational satisfaction over time? What are the reasons scientists hypothesize this occurs? How do expectations about married life figure into happiness?
Satisfaction tends to decrease during first years of marriage *lack of effort *interdependence is a magnifying glass (little things become bigger) *Access to weaponry *Unwelcome surprises (learn truth about what we already knew) *Unrealistic expectations (can lead to disappointed and pessimistic perceptions - leading to unsatisfactions)
Are people in satisfied relationships likely to use direct or indirect communication?
Satisfied relationships: Direct communication Satisfied relationships: Bilateral
Is PREP typically a helpful program?
Seems to be effective PREP couples reported they were significantly more content with their marriage 3 years after being married as compared to non-PREP couples & half as likely to divorce
What are the 5 ways of ending conflict?-(SD-CIS Be able to correctly classify each.
Separation: occurs when one or both partners withdraw without resolving the conflict. (may prevent heavy harm to relationship but nothing get resolved) Domination: one partner gets their way when other capitulates/surrender. (leaves less powerful person/loser breeding ill will & resentment) Comprise: Both parties reduce aspiration to come to middle ground. Neither get everything but neither leave empty handed. Integrative agreement: Satisfy both partners goals/aspirations through creativity/flexibility Structural Improvement: Partner gets what they wanted but learns and grow and make desirable changes to their relationship (May encounter serious conflict and stress that lead to rethink habits and muster up courage and will to change them)
Be familiar with the Guttentag and Secord theory regarding sex ratios. With regard to sex ratios, when are societies typically more conservative?
Sex ratio: a simple count of number of men for every 100 women in a specific population; high = there are more men than women & low = fewer men then woman Societies with high sex ratios (there aren't enough women) tend to support traditional, old-fashion roles for men and women (Secord, 1983);sexually conservative. Marry virgin, unwed pregnancy is shameful, open cohabitation is rare, and divorce is discouraged. Cultures with low sex ratios: women seek high-paying careers, they are allowed to have sexual relationships outside of marriage. Pregnancy occurs, unmarried motherhood is an option. **The specifics vary with each historical period but this general pattern(high vs low sex ratios) has occurred through history (Guttentag & Secord 1983).
How is shared decision making in marriages associated with relational satisfaction and divorce?
Shared decisions = higher satisfaction levels in marriage for both partners; less prone to divorve
Know the 3 types of couple violence. a. Which are the more common? b. Who engages in more situational couple violence? c. What about intimate terrorism?
Situational Couple Violence: both angry/tied to a specific argument; mutual, occasional & unlikely to be life threatening Intimate terrorism: Use violence to control or oppress the other; one sided - involve serious injury Violent resistance: partner forcibly fights back to IT; occurs in some but not all IT; less common of 3 -SCV is most common -Women engage more in SCV -Men engage in more IT
Know the gender differences in communication. What seems to be responsible for these differences, biology or gender roles?
Subtle differences Topic Conversations - when interacting with same sex W: discuss feelings about close relationship and other personal aspects of their lives; M: tend to stick to more impersonal matter, discussing things like sports, cars, politics **when interacting with each other (ex. online) the sort of things that distinguish men/women conversations rarely came up, so it would be hard to tell if you are chatting with man or women (differences are more subtle than we think) Styles of Conversation - Women: somewhat less forcefully than men do, being more indirect and seeming less certain; women speak more often but produce less monologues compared to men) Self-Disclosure: Women are more self-disclosing than men are. **the differences in self-disclosure is due to GENDER ROLES not biology (i.e Androgyny men/highly expressive)
What is the good genes hypothesis?
Suggest that some women - in particular, those with less desirable mates - can profit from a dual mating strategy in which they pursue long-term partners who will contribute resources to protect and feed their offspring while surreptitiously seeking good genes for their children from other man. By obtaining commitment and security from one man and having a taller, stronger, healthier children with another, women could bear offspring who were especially likely to survive and thrive.
Discuss facial expressions. Are they thought to be universal/hardwired or culturally determined? Can people accurately read the facial expression of someone from another culture? Are they easy to control as compared to body movement or verbal communication?
The Universality this expression suggest that they are hard in our species - can be read by other humans - worldwide- regardless of culture or background people who have been blind all their lives for instance display the same facial expressions all the rest of us do No they are not easy to control as compared to body movement or verbal communication *example: micro expression
With regard to individual differences, how big are typical gender differences noted in relationship science? In general, are men and women more the same or different?
The differences between the average man and women is presumed to be large, and there is almost no overlap between the sexes at all; meaning the sex differences are quite small. The sexes are much more similar than different on most of the topics interest to relationship science.
Once you are in an established relationship, how important is reciprocal self disclosure?
The more self-disclosure romantic couple share the happy they tend to be Established Relationships: we value responsiveness (support, acceptance) over reciprocity
*Describe social exchange or interdependence theory. a. What are CL and CL Alt? b. Which is seen as a measure of commitment? c. Satisfaction?
Theory: We are more likely to stay in relationship if the rewards exceed the cost Rewards: anything desired and welcomed Costs: anything punishing and undesirable *our perceptions also play into this CL: Comparison Level - our expectations of relationship (based on past & observation); measure of our satisfaction CLalt: Comparison Level of Alternative - our perceived alternative available; measure of our commitment and dependency
How does proximity affect attraction? Convenience?
There is clear connection between physical proximity and interpersonal attraction, and a few feet can make a big difference. Proximity promotes most partnership in that when others are near by, its easy to enjoy whatever rewards they offer. Everything else being equal, a partner who is nearby has a big advantage over one who is far away. When a relationship that enjoy the convenience of proximity becomes inconvenient due to distance, it may suffer more than either partner expects. Power of proximity: familiarity increase attraction.
Why is politeness important in intimate relationships?
To avoid/prevent negative affect reciprocity; creating this illusion of anger, avoidable grief, cantankerousness, wanting revenge etc
How do traditional couples typically differ from non traditional (i.e, androgynous) couples? What about with regard to the construct of expressiveness? What are instrumental traits?
Traditional couples: gender differences makes them more incompatible; from the moment they meet they enjoy and like each other less compared to androgynous couples. Traditional couples: M: (Instrumental traits): Assertiveness, Self-Reliance; Ambition, Leadership, Decisiveness..W:(Expressive traits) Warmth; Tenderness; Compassion; Kindness; Sensitivity to Others. Androgynous people would be comfortable and capable in both domains (emphatically stand up for themselves in salary negotiation but could go home and sensitively comfort a crying preschooler)
Know Rusbult's 4 ways to respond to conflict. What is voice, loyalty, exit and neglect? Given an example, be able to correctly classify these.
Voice (Active & Constructive): work to improve (Discuss w/ partner; advice from friend/family/therapist; change behavior to solve problem) Loyalty(Passive & Constructive): wait for things to improve (Optimistically waiting and hoping for situation to improve) Exit(Active &Destructive): leave, threaten to leave, abuse (yelling and hitting) Neglect(Passive &Destructive):Avoidance, allow to get worse
What are the 4 types of couples identified by Gottman? What is associated with a couple staying together?
Volatile: frequent & passionate arguments; high level or negative affect but temper anger with plenty of wit and evident of fondness for each other Validators: Fight politely, calmer than volatile; more collaborative as they work through problems, may have hated talks but frequently validate each other by expressing empathy POV Avoiders: Rarely argue; avoid confrontation, if they have conflict they speak mildly and gingerly. Solution are usually nonspecific; kind of just accept differences **Hostile: Fail to meet 5:1 ratio; associate with couple breaking up; too much criticism; contempt; defensiveness; withdrawal; longer they last, more oppress they become
*What is the self expansion model? Why might it be important in interpersonal relationships?
We want to broaden and grow as individuals We often are attracted to relationships where we are exposed to new interests and experiences and growth is likely Satisfaction in a relationship is enhanced by this growth
What is mimicry? What typically happens when it occurs
When the participant about similar postures and mannerisms display comparable expressions and use similar paralanguage. People tend to synchronize their nonverbal behavior automatically without thinking about it
*Who is more likely to be violent in an intimate relationship, men or women? Know the correlates of violence (distal, dispositional, relational, situational influences; who is at higher risk.)
Women are more likely to be violent but Men violence is more aggressive/intense Distressed couples: men reportedly more violent Impelling/Inhibiting factors: Distal: background (cultural norms; family experiences, economic status) Dispositional: personality, long held beliefs (P -Personality) Relational: Current state of relationship Situational: immediate circumstance (Cohabitation; high stress; low SES; growing up in abusive household)
*What do we know about: a. behaviors that are associated with better relationships for men? b. The effects of low self esteem on a relationship? c. The role of perceptions in relationships? d. The effort we put into impression management versus the effort we typically put into maintaining relationships? e. The role of nonverbal communication in satisfaction rates for intimate relationships? f. The longevity of romantic love over the course of a long term relationship? g. The number of men who are warm and tender..
a. The styles of behavior that are often expected of men- encourage self-reliant and assertiveness but do not encourage them to be warm and tender - do not train them to be very desirable partners (warm & tender = better relationships) b. People with low self esteem sometimes sabotage their own relationships by making mountains out of molehills and perceiving rejection where non exist c. we don't know or understand our romantic partners as well as we think we do; a lot of misperception persists even in a successful relationship d. People try hard to make good impression on us when we're getting to know them but they put in less effort into being polite; decorous, and delightful once we like or love them f.Romantic, passionate love is one of the primary reasons we choose to marry, but it tends to decline over time. g. 1/3 of men are just as warm and tender and sensitive and kind as women routinely are.
*According to text, how are feminism, relational satisfaction and sexual satisfaction related?
happier, healthier, stable relationships enjoy better sex
Discuss the role of romanticism in relationship longevity. What relationships beliefs appear to be dysfunctional? At what stages of a relationship are beliefs important?
the view that love should be the most important basis for choosing a mate. experience more love, satisfaction and commitment in the first few months of their romantic partnerships than unromantic people do- but these beliefs tend to erode as time goes by
What is alcohol myopia? The illusion of unique vulnerability?
which involves the reduction of people's abilities to think about and process all of the information available to them when they are intoxicated. This limited capacity means that they are able to focus only on the most mediate and salient environmental cues.
