Random questions and answers (online) part 21

¿No te gusta la pizza de pepperoni? - No mucho. Me da acidez.

Don't you like pepperoni pizza? - Not really. It gives me heartburn.

¡miento!

I'm mistaken

How do I increase my investment performance?

3 Ways to Increase Your Investment Performance By TIM PARKER Updated September 29, 2022 Reviewed by CHARLES POTTERS Fact checked by HANS DANIEL JASPERSON While buy low and sell high is a strategy that has resulted in big accumulations of wealth, this isn't how the professionals find their success. Instead, a savvy investor strategically deploys their money in order to allow it to work in more than one way—they multi-task their money. The retail investor who is accustomed to working with stocks can simultaneously put their money to work in three ways: Price action—The stock will hopefully rise in value. Dividend—The fee a company pays you in exchange for using your money. Call revenue—The money an investor pays you when you sell a covered call against your stock. Price Action Strategies If investing were a game, the way you'd win would be to buy a stock at a low price and sell it at a higher price, at a later date. If you own a home, you understand this concept in a very practical way. In order to make a profit on your investment, it's often best to use one of two strategies to do that. The first is called value investing. Stocks, just like the products you purchase every day, go on sale from time to time and value investors wait for that sale price. This makes it even easier to make a profit, because stocks that are undervalued (on sale) have more room to grow. Your favorite stock may not work for this strategy, because it must pay a dividend, it must have a price that is cheap enough that you can purchase 100 shares, and it must trade a lot of shares each day; at least 1 million shares of daily volume is best. Remember that a company's value is not based on its price. There are a lot of high-quality stocks that are under $30 per share and there are a lot of low-quality stocks that trade above $100. Stocks between $15 and $30, with at least a 2% dividend yield, are ideal. Finally, you don't want a highly volatile stock. If it has wild price swings, that will be much tougher to manage. This is where you put your stock research and evaluation skills to work. Once you find your stock, assuming that you want to value invest, look for this name to be in the middle, or towards the bottom, of the trading range for the past 52 weeks. If it isn't there now, either wait for it to give you a price that you want, or find another company. There are plenty of worthy candidates for this strategy. The second way is momentum trading. Some investors believe that the best time to buy a stock is when it continues to go higher, because just as we learned in grade school, an object in motion tends to stay in motion. The problem with momentum trading is that it tends to work better for shorter-term investors. For our strategy, we want to think long term. The more years you hold the stock, the better your potential returns could be. Invest for Dividends In a high-tech stock trading world, investing for a dividend might be considered boring, but dividends can be a big income source for the long-term investor. The dividend gives us two advantages that help our money work for us in more than one way. First, it gives us a stable income. Sure, a company can choose to pay or not pay a dividend, as they would like, but for a high-quality company, with a low payout ratio, there is a lower chance of the dividend on a quarterly payment getting cut. Secondly, it lowers your cost basis for the stock you purchased. 1  Let's assume that you did your research and decided on stock XYZ. You bought 100 shares for $30 per share, which at the time had a three percent dividend yield. $3,000 x 3% = $90 each year. Not only are you making $90 each year, but since a dividend is paid to into your account as cash (most of the time), each year that you own your 100 shares, you can apply that dividend payment to what you paid for the stock and, in this case, subtract 90 cents per share. After just five years, your stock that cost you $30 per share, goes down to $25.50 per share. Many long-term investors reduce the price they paid for a stock to $0, just from the dividend. Investing After the Golden Age Use a Covered Call Covered calls are a little more complicated. If you don't feel confident with this leg of the strategy, buying a stock and collecting the dividend as it goes higher will still be an impressive gain. Before we sell the covered call we have to make two important decisions: What is the strike price? How many months into the future do we want our contract to expire? Strike Price A covered call is an options contract strategy that gives the holder of the contract the right to purchase your 100 shares, if it is at or above the strike price. Presumably, you don't want your shares taken from you, although you may change your mind in later years, so your strike price needs to be high enough that the stock doesn't rise above the strike price, but low enough that you can still collect a healthy premium for the risk you're taking. This decision is tough. If your stock is in a downtrend, you can probably sell an option with a strike that isn't much higher than the stock's current price. If the stock is in an uptrend—for the sake of safety—consider waiting to sell the call until you believe the move up has run its course, and the stock will soon go the other way. Remember, when the stock rises in value, the value of your option falls. This also adds the benefit of the covered call acting as a hedge. Expiration Date The further into the future you take your option, the more of a premium you will be paid upfront, to sell the call, but that's also more time that your stock has to stay below the strike price, to avoid having it "called away" from you. For your first contract, consider going three months into the future. The covered call will make money for you as soon as you sell it because the premium that the buyer paid is deposited directly into your account. It will continue to make money for you if the price of your stock falls. As the price falls, so does the premium. You can purchase the contract back from the buyer at any time, so if the premium falls, you can purchase it for less than you sold it. That equals profit. On the other hand, if the stock rises above the strike price, you can purchase the contract for more than you sold it and incur a loss, but it saves you from having to give up your 100 shares. One of the best ways to use the covered call is for the collection of the premium at the beginning, and although you can buy the option back if it goes up or down, save this for severe circumstances. Also, remember that the money you collect by selling your covered call can also be subtracted from the price you paid for the stock. 1  The best way to learn a complicated investing strategy, like the covered call, is by using a virtual platform where you don't have to worry about losing real money. You can still purchase the stock and collect the dividend, but wait to sell the covered call until you're comfortable with how it works. The Bottom Line For most investors, putting money in high-quality stocks for long periods of time, while harnessing dividend income, is the best way to make money in the market. Later, once you understand how to use the covered call, you can significantly increase your yield. Although the fixed income side of investing isn't as thrilling to watch, it is the most appropriate for retail investors and as we can see, the numbers can add up fast. ARTICLE SOURCES Related Articles Trading Platforms BROKERS Best Options Trading Platforms ADVANCED CONCEPTS How to Execute the Iron Condor Strategy A Metal Sculpture of a Bear and a Bull Representing the Stock Market, with the Bear in the Foreground ADVANCED STRATEGIES & INSTRUMENTS How an Investor Can Make Money Short Selling Stocks OPTIONS AND DERIVATIVES How to Profit With Options Close-Up Of Stock Market Data On Digital Display STRATEGY & EDUCATION The Basics of Covered Calls INVESTING Options Trading for Beginners Related Terms Short Straddle: Option Strategies and Examples A short straddle is an options strategy comprised of selling both a call option and a put option with the same strike price and expiration date. more What Are Stock Options? Parameters and Trading, With Examples A stock option gives an investor the right, but not the obligation, to buy or sell a stock at an agreed-upon price and date. Learn more about how they work. more Out of the Money: Option Basics and Examples An out of the money (OTM) option has no intrinsic value, but only possesses extrinsic or time value. OTM options are less expensive than in the money options. more What Is a Call Option and How to Use It With Example A call option is a contract that gives the option buyer the right to buy an underlying asset at a specified price within a specific time period. more Covered Calls: How They Work and How to Use Them in Investing A covered call refers to a financial transaction in which the investor selling call options owns the equivalent amount of the underlying security. more Covered Combination A covered combination is an options strategy that involves the simultaneous sale of an out-of-the-money call and put. more Facebook Instagram LinkedIn Newsletter Twitter TRUSTe About Us Terms of Service Dictionary Editorial Policy Advertise News Privacy Policy Contact Us Careers Do Not Sell My Personal Information Investopedia is part of the Dotdash Meredith publishing family. Ad (Investopedia)

"No lo vuelvas a hacer, ¿me oyes?" dijo el maestro

"Don't do it again, got it?" said the teacher.

Eres

you are

coffee, bananas, berries and cocoa

Basic products that are produced in Costa Rica. (Quizlet) Health & Diet Guide Healthiest Coffees Reviewed by Kathleen M. Zelman, RD, LD, MPH on September 27, 2021 Free-Radical Fighter Free-Radical Fighter 1/13 You may be in it for the caffeine, but coffee is full of antioxidants. One cup has 200-550 milligrams of antioxidants, including chlorogenic acid, a compound that helps your body process fat and sugar. Antioxidants lower inflammation, reduce your risk of chronic disease, and stabilize free radicals. Robusta and Arabica beans have similar amounts of antioxidants after being roasted. Light roast has more than dark. Hot Brew vs. Cold Brew Hot Brew vs. Cold Brew 2/13 If you're looking for antioxidants, stick with hot-brewed coffee. It has more because it takes a certain amount of heat to extract antioxidants from the bean. But if it's caffeine you're after, cold brew will give you a stronger jolt. Cold brew is also lower in acid, and a better choice if you have acid reflux. The Perfect Cup The Perfect Cup 3/13 The healthiest way to take your coffee is hot-brewed and black. One cup has virtually no calories or carbs, no fat, and is low in sodium. Black coffee also has micronutrients, including potassium, magnesium, and niacin. Coffee Don't: Excessive Sugar Coffee Don't: Excessive Sugar 4/13 Coffee starts out healthy, but sugar and flavored sweeteners add fat, calories, and a higher risk of heart disease. Aim for 1 teaspoon of sugar (or less) per cup, of the 6 (women) or 9 (men) teaspoons recommended per day by the American Heart Association. At coffee shops, one pump of flavoring has about one teaspoon of sugar. At home, flavor your coffee with vanilla or almond extract. Coffee Don't: Overdoing Dairy Coffee Don't: Overdoing Dairy 5/13 Milky coffee drinks contain either sweetened condensed milk, heavy whipping cream, or whole milk, often with whipped cream on top. That's a lot of fat and calories in every sip. For example, an ounce of heavy whipping cream adds more than 100 calories. Sub with whole milk (19 calories per ounce), fat-free milk (10 calories per ounce), or unsweetened almond or soy milk. Coffee Don't: Bigger Is Better Coffee Don't: Bigger Is Better 6/13 If you go big on fat and calories, opt for the small cup instead of the large. It's OK to indulge in a flavored latte or sweetened seasonal drink once in a while, especially if you save yourself a lot of extra calories, sugar, and fat by ordering the smallest size. Opt for Organic Opt for Organic 7/13 Coffee beans are one of the most heavily sprayed crops in the world. Many pesticides are removed through the washing or roasting process, but not all. Look for an organic certification seal on the packaging of coffee you buy in a store, and for the word "organic" on menu choices in your coffee shop. Healthy or Hype: Turmeric Coffee Healthy or Hype: Turmeric Coffee 8/13 Healthy. Turmeric has curcuminoids, or anti-inflammatory compounds that may have a positive effect on diabetes and cancer. Add it to hot black coffee, but steer clear of sugar, syrups, or heavy creamers that add fat and calories. Healthy or Hype: Egg Coffee Healthy or Hype: Egg Coffee 9/13 Hype. Also called Vietnamese or Swedish coffee, egg coffee is made by beating an egg yolk with sweetened condensed milk, then adding it to espresso or iced coffee. Sweetened condensed milk is high in sugar, and raw eggs can contain the bacteria salmonella that causes 1.35 million infections every year. Healthy or Hype: Mushroom Coffee Healthy or Hype: Mushroom Coffee 10/13 Healthy. Mushroom coffee isn't made of mushrooms -- it's coffee plus mushroom extract, typically from lion's mane, chaga, cordyceps, or reishi mushrooms. It has less caffeine and doubles down on the inflammation-reducing antioxidants, so it's good for you as long as you don't load it down with sugar and cream. There's not enough research to back up all the health claims yet, such as an immune system boost. Healthy or Hype: Nootropic Coffee Healthy or Hype: Nootropic Coffee 11/13 Healthy, unless you're sensitive to stimulants. Also called smart drugs, nootropics are compounds that increase your memory, creativity, motivation, and attention. Caffeine is one, so coffee is naturally nootropic. Any nootropic coffee you order may have stimulants -- natural or manufactured -- beyond caffeine. The FDA doesn't regulate nootropics, so it's impossible to prove their claims or even if a product really contains them. Healthy or Hype: Vitamin Coffee Healthy or Hype: Vitamin Coffee 12/13 Hype. Adding vitamins to coffee sounds like a good idea, but coffee's diuretic properties make you pee at a faster rate than normal. You'll lose any water-soluble nutrients you take in before you can absorb them. Coffee also blunts absorption of minerals like zinc, calcium, and iron. Plan to take your vitamins an hour before or after you drink coffee. Healthy or Hype: Concentrated Coffee Healthy or Hype: Concentrated Coffee 13/13 Concentrated coffee is just that: A more potent form of regular coffee that you mix with water or milk. It's often used to make large amounts of coffee, and it has a lot of caffeine, so be mindful of the serving size if you make some for yourself. (WebMD)

¿Sabes que abrieron una nueva barbería en el barrio? - Sí, ¿qué pasa con ella?

Did you hear there's a new barber shop in the neighborhood? - Yeah, what about it?

¿Te gustaría ir al cine esta noche.? - En realidad no. Estoy bastante cansado.

Do you feel like going to the movies tonight? - Not really. I'm pretty tired.

¿Recuerdas que me repararon la moto el mes pasado? - Ajá. ¿Qué pasa?

Do you remember I had my bike fixed last month? - Uh-huh. What about it?

¡No me chingues! Estoy encabronado.

Don't **** with me! I'm pissed off.

No me mientas

Don't lie to me.

¿No crees en ningún dios? - No, soy ateo. ¿Y qué?

Don't you believe in any God at all? - No, I'm an atheist. What about it?

En realidad no

In reality, no not really

¿Eso es todo?

Is that all?

How do I recognize it in Spanish?

It is started (set off) by the preposition "a" and sometimes by "para"

That funny feeling?

Intro] I can't really, uh, play the guitar very well Um, or sing, so, you know, apologies [Verse 1] Stunning 8K resolution meditation app In honor of the revolution, it's half-off at the Gap Deadpool's self-awareness, loving parents, harmless fun The backlash to the backlash to the thing that's just begun [Chorus] There it is again That funny feeling That funny feeling There it is again That funny feeling That funny feeling [Verse 2] The surgeon general's pop-up shop, Robert Iger's face Discount Etsy agitprop, Bugles' take on race Female Colonel Sanders, easy answers, civil war The whole world at your fingеrtips, the ocean at your door The livе-action Lion King, the Pepsi Halftime Show Twenty-thousand years of this, seven more to go Carpool Karaoke, Steve Aoki, Logan Paul A gift shop at the gun range, a mass shooting at the mall [Chorus] There it is again That funny feeling That funny feeling There it is again That funny feeling That funny feeling [Verse 3] Reading Pornhub's terms of service, going for a drive And obeying all the traffic laws in Grand Theft Auto V Full agoraphobic, losing focus, cover blown A book on getting better hand-delivered by a drone Total disassociation, fully out your mind Googling "derealization," hating what you find That unapparent summer air in early fall The quiet comprehending of the ending of it all [Chorus] There it is again That funny feeling That funny feeling There it is again That funny feeling That funny feeling [Outro] Hey, what can you say? We were overdue But it'll be over soon You wait Hey, what can you say? We were overdue But it'll be over soon Just wait Ba-da-da, ba-da-da, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da Hey, what can you say? We were overdue But it'll be over soon You wait Ba-da-da, ba-da-da, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da Hey, what can you say? We were overdue, oh But it'll be over soon You wait Ba-da-da, ba-da-da, ba-da Hey, what can you say? We were overdue But it'll be over soon You wait Ba-da-da, ba-da-da, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da I can't really, uh, play the guitar very well Um, or sing, so, you know, apologies Genius Annotation 6 contributors Bo has previously mentioned how he lacks confidence on the guitar. During a June 2016 Reddit AMA, when asked why he mostly plays piano and seemingly phased guitar out of his repertoire, he responded: 'Cause I truly suck at playing guitar. I have soft finger tips. He also makes a jab at his singing, which (somewhat ironically) is his main source of income. This self-critical attitude is seen throughout the special as he records take after take of certain songs (like "Look Who's Inside Again"). This might also be a defense mechanism, as explained by Bo in the "Unpaid Intern" reaction video: I'm so worried that criticism will be levied against me, that I levy it against myself before anyone else can. Like in many of the lines in this song, Bo is creating an ironic concept; meditation is typically about getting in contact with the natural world and/or your inner self in a spiritual way. Using a "stunning 8k resolution" app, a high tech, very artificial thing and ultimately a product sold for profit that's usually marketed with unnecessary jargony buzzwords creates a tension between the concepts. The need for such a visually appealing app comes into question when you consider the fact that meditation is an activity typically performed with closed eyes. This further reinforces the theme of irony that's interlaced through the lyrics. Additionally, the phrase "8K resolution" signifies how firms in today's society continually push to develop increasingly advanced products and features despite them being arguably unnecessary and only making marginal contributions to our overall wellbeing (or even being indirectly detrimental). This might also link to the line Bo repeats at the end of the song: "we were overdue" - we have continually pushed the limits of what is possible and sustainable, and now we are paying the price. The meditation app is mentioned again in "The Future" from THE INSIDE OUTTAKES: I bought an app to help me meditate that didn't work In honor of the revolution, it's half-off at the Gap Genius Annotation 3 contributors Throughout his Netflix special, Bo Burnham talks about consumerism and how corporations engage in performative activism to benefit their public image and boost profits. The Gap is a well-known American clothing brand; following a resurgence in Black Lives Matter protests in the wake of George Floyd's murder, they began selling T-shirts in collaboration with Black artists and released a statement in June 2020. Burnham is playing on the irony of a company like The Gap taking advantage of a terrible event to sell frivolous merchandise for the profit of the privileged few—the very demographic that the revolution is fighting against. Deadpool's self-awareness, loving parents, harmless fun Genius Annotation 5 contributors During a March 2018 episode of The A24 Podcast, in anticipation for his July directorial debut, Eighth Grade, Bo Burnham criticized Marvel character Deadpool's corporate self-awareness: Deadpool is so deeply troubling to me, because it's like a billion dollar corporation winking at the audience, and everyone is just totally cool with it. It's a 200 million dollar movie with a guy being like, 'Here is the trailer for my stupid movie, watch it you idiots.' And everyone is like, 'Yeah, he gets it.' I'm like, 'Does he? Does Deadpool get it?' You know, that makes me look at stuff and go, man, like, irony is—and all that stuff—is just toothless. The second half likely calls out parents who allowed their kids to watch Deadpool despite it being R-Rated (not suitable for children). The phrase "harmless fun" is often used to describe unacceptable behaviour perpetrated by children, when in fact it can causes deep harm (in this case - possible trauma from the violence in the movie). The backlash to the backlash to the thing that's just begun Genius Annotation 2 contributors This may refer to the polarization that characterizes partisan politics in America; someone says something, the other side retaliates, the first side retaliates to that response. It's a symptom of so-called cancel culture, of a broken two-party system, and a media that thrives on outrage. As a result, it is very difficult to make meaningful change and progress, and leaves little room for healthy discussion or debate There it is again This annotation is unreviewed Genius Annotation 1 contributor This Insinuates Bo has felt this before yet hasn't felt it in a while. This feeling may feel vaugly recognizable to him That funny feeling This annotation is unreviewed Genius Annotation 2 contributors "Funny feeling" refers to the conflicting and uncomfortable effect of being faced with the juxtaposition between right and wrong, good and bad, normal and abnormal in everyday life. Throughout the special, the artist uses the word "funny" in many different ways, exploring his relationship to and thinking about comedy and his place in the world. In this song, the sense of "funny" suggests discomfort and alienation. The song certainly has funny moments in the sense of actual jokes; but the overwhelming feeling is that things are deeply weird, and he can't not see that. The surgeon general's pop-up shop, Robert Iger's face Genius Annotation 2 contributors The surgeon general of the United States is the country's leading authority on public health. One would hope that they have only the best interests of the country's citizens at heart, but a "pop-up shop" implies that they are using the office as a side hustle for profit during a public health emergency like the COVID-19 pandemic. Bo then immediately pairs this idea with Robert Iger, CEO of Disney; thus further drawing attention to the commercialization of public office. Discount Etsy agitprop, Bugles' take on race Genius Annotation 2 contributors Etsy is an online marketplace for people to sell their handcrafted items or craft supplies, its business revolves around taking a fee per item sold. It is a Nasdaq listed company with 603 million dollars in revenue in 2018 Bugles is a snack produced by the multinational manufacturing giant General Mills Agitprop (literally agitation propaganda) is art that serves as an explicit vehicle for political propaganda, typically associated with soviet communism and often exemplified by soviet pamphlets/posters. This line reinforces the earlier lyric about Gap selling merchandise in honor of the revolution and an earlier comedic sketch in the Inside special where Bo plays a "social brand consultant" that helps brands improve their image by co-opting modern social movements. The idea of Bugles, a brand of chips that is part of mega corporation, giving its take on racial social issues so they can sell more snack chips or Etsy, again representing capitalism, the diametric opposition to communism, or the status quo, having agitprop being sold through it are both ironic concepts. Female Colonel Sanders, easy answers, civil war Genius Annotation 3 contributors This line alludes to an advertisement campaign by KFC where the typically male mascot, Colonel Sanders, was portrayed by Reba McEntire. According to a January 2018 Newsweek article, this decision was met with some criticism and ridicule online. "Easy answers" may refer to the expectation of simple solutions to hard problems that we are faced with daily. "Civil War" carries a double meaning: firstly, as an ongoing dispute between citizens of the same country; and, secondly, as an oxymoron. Society is increasingly divided, resulting in a perceived civil war over politics or culture. The whole world at your fingertips, the ocean at your door Genius Annotation 1 contributor The "whole world at your fingertips" refers to the internet which is interfaced with through the use of our fingers, and which allows us to connect with the entire world and even explore it through recorded medias. The "ocean at your door" refers to climate change, in particular to its effects on the rising sea levels which is expected to keep rising as the average surface temperature of the earth keeps going up leaving previously habited areas submerged or uninhabitable. The juxtaposition of these concepts creates another ironic tension between them, technological advancement has been enabling us to more easily "explore" the world through the internet but these same advancements, along with possibly our own apathy to serious issues caused by constant entertainment provided by the internet, a theme explored in another song in the Inside special, are going to make the world itself harder to be physically explored by us at the same time. Twenty-thousand years of this, seven more to go Genius Annotation 3 contributors Leading theories suggest Paleolithic humans arrived in the Americas in the neighborhood of 20,000 years ago. The discovery of agriculture prompted the Neolithic Revolution, which started independently in many places, including in South America around 9.000 years ago. Since then, there have been many profound changes in the way people live and organize. The First Industrial Revolution and subsequent developments have resulted in humans dominating the Earth system, causing a distinct geological age, the Anthropocene. For many decades, but especially since the turn of the twenty-first century, it has become apparent that this has thrown the world into climate and ecological crises These crises have already caused untold damage across the globe. Possibly, "seven more to go" refers to the climate deadline of 2028 - if outputs of greenhouse gasses are dramatically reduced by then, the worst effects of irreversible climate change could be avoided. Based on climate science, this corresponds to staying below a 1.5ºC change in average global temperature when compared to pre-industrial levels. From the context of the song, Bo imagines a dramatic shift in global infrastructure - notably the social internet and consumer culture - before the worst that climate change has to offer takes hold. Carpool Karaoke, Genius Annotation 1 contributor Bo voiced his concern about what is considered 'entertainment' in his 2016 comedy special 'Make Happy', in which he describes Celebrity Lipsyncing (A show with a similar premise to Carpool Karaoke) It's the end of culture. Culture's over, everybody. We lost. This is entertainment- How is this entertainment? People we've seen too much of mouthing along to songs we've heard too much of. And this is the bread and butter of American television? Steve Aoki, Genius Annotation 3 contributors Carpool Karaoke, Steve Aoki, and Logan Paul are all examples of out-of-touch celebrities selling an artifice of "relatability." Yet this is what is successful - whether it is in establishment media with Carpool Karaoke, in EDM with Steve Aoki, or on YouTube with Logan Paul - these hollow "relatability" acts are number one hits. Logan Paul is a YouTube celebrity who has gained popularity primarily through children watching his content. A charitable observer might say he's had a tendency not to think too much about what influence he has over his audience. A less charitable observer would say that he's consistently subjected children to his irresponsible behaviour, preying on his young demographic to profit massively and fetishization fame and anti-social behaviours in the kids who look up to him. A gift shop at the gun range, a mass shooting at the mall Genius Annotation 4 contributors There's lots of irony here, mentioning a small commercial site at a facility made for guns and arms while a big commercial site is turned into a gun range where people lose their lives. Both gift shops and the mall are sites of consumerism and capitalist exchange (cash for goods/services). The tragic irony (and to some extent, absurdity) lies in the fact that gun range gift shops are seemingly safer than your 'average' suburban mall in America. By juxtaposing these disparate spaces and interrogating the tension/incongruity between gift shops and gun ranges as well as mass shootings and malls, Bo underscores the insanity that is the state of the world: you feel more at ease in a gun range gift shop than in a mall, or anywhere else for that matter. Reading Pornhub's terms of service, Genius Annotation 4 contributors This line, like many of the lyrics, is rooted in absurdism. It may also be alluding to the fact that a lot of Pornhub's most viewed content directly violates the website's terms of service: You agree not to post any content that is obscene, illegal, unlawful, fraudulent, defamatory, libelous, harassing, hateful, racially or ethnically offensive, or encourages conduct that would be considered a criminal offense, give rise to civil liability, violates any law, or is otherwise inappropriate. In late 2020, Pornhub removed more than 80% of its videos, after the release of a New York Times exposé, which highlighted a toxic underbelly of unregulated content on the site, including sexual assault, child exploitation, and human trafficking. Going for a drive And obeying all the traffic laws in Grand Theft Auto V Genius Annotation 2 contributors This line refers to Grand Theft Auto V, released in September 2013, and its online roleplay subculture. Players perform in-game jobs and are expected to stop at stop signs, drive below the speed limit, and avoid car accidents in order to circumvent the police—who are sometimes role-played by other players. Bo Burnham points out the irony of playing a famously escapist, no-rules game, where wanton violence is commonplace, in a way that would be normal in real life; essentially escaping the real world to a virtual one without restrictions, yet self-imposing some semblance of structure or etiquette. (Genius.com)

HDIGSO investments?

Investing Explained: Types of Investments and How To Get Started By ELVIS PICARDO Updated July 22, 2022 Reviewed by GORDON SCOTT Fact checked by RYAN EICHLER Investing Investopedia / Sydney Saporito What Is Investing? Investing, broadly, is putting money to work for a period of time in some sort of project or undertaking in order to generate positive returns (i.e., profits that exceed the amount of the initial investment). It is the act of allocating resources, usually capital (i.e., money), with the expectation of generating an income, profit, or gains. One can invest in many types of endeavors (either directly or indirectly) such as using money to start a business, or in assets such as purchasing real estate in hopes of generating rental income and/or reselling it later at a higher price. Investing differs from saving in that the money used is put to work, meaning that there is some implicit risk that the related project(s) may fail, resulting in a loss of money. Investing also differs from speculation in that with the latter, the money is not put to work per-se, but is betting on the short-term price fluctuations. KEY TAKEAWAYS Investing involves deploying capital (money) toward projects or activities that are expected to generate a positive return over time. The type of returns generated depends on the type of project or asset; real estate can produce both rents and capital gains; many stocks pay quarterly dividends; bonds tend to pay regular interest. In investing, risk and return are two sides of the same coin; low risk generally means low expected returns, while higher returns are usually accompanied by higher risk. Investors can take the do-it-yourself approach or employ the services of a professional money manager. Whether buying a security qualifies as investing or speculation depends on three factors—the amount of risk taken, the holding period, and the source of returns. Understanding Investing Investing is to grow one's money over time. The expectation of a positive return in the form of income or price appreciation with statistical significance is the core premise of investing. The spectrum of assets in which one can invest and earn a return is a very wide one. Risk and return go hand-in-hand in investing; low risk generally means low expected returns, while higher returns are usually accompanied by higher risk. At the low-risk end of the spectrum are basic investments such as Certificates of Deposit (CDs); bonds or fixed-income instruments are higher up on the risk scale, while stocks or equities are regarded as riskier. Commodities and derivatives are generally considered to be among the riskiest investments. One can also invest in something practical, such as land or real estate, or delicate items, such as fine art and antiques. Risk and return expectations can vary widely within the same asset class. For example, a blue chip that trades on the New York Stock Exchange will have a very different risk-return profile from a micro-cap that trades on a small exchange. The returns generated by an asset depend on the type of asset. For instance, many stocks pay quarterly dividends, whereas bonds generally pay interest every quarter. In many jurisdictions, different types of income are taxed at different rates. In addition to regular income, such as a dividend or interest, price appreciation is an important component of return. Total return from an investment can thus be regarded as the sum of income and capital appreciation. Standard & Poor's estimates that since 1926, dividends have contributed nearly a third of total equity return for the S&P 500 while capital gains have contributed two-thirds. 1 Capital gains are therefore an important piece of investing. Economists view investing and saving to be two sides of the same coin. This is because when you save money by depositing in a bank, the bank then lends that money to individuals or companies that want to borrow that money to put it to good use. Therefore your savings is often someone else's investment. Types of Investments Today, investment is mostly associated with financial instruments that allow individuals or businesses to raise and deploy capital to firms. These firms then rake that capital and use it for growth or profit-generating activities. While the universe of investments is a vast one, here are the most common types of investments: Stocks A buyer of a company's stock becomes a fractional owner of that company. Owners of a company's stock are known as its shareholders and can participate in its growth and success through appreciation in the stock price and regular dividends paid out of the company's profits. Bonds Bonds are debt obligations of entities, such as governments, municipalities, and corporations. Buying a bond implies that you hold a share of an entity's debt and are entitled to receive periodic interest payments and the return of the bond's face value when it matures. Funds Funds are pooled instruments managed by investment managers that enable investors to invest in stocks, bonds, preferred shares, commodities, etc. Two of the most common types of funds are mutual funds and exchange-traded funds or ETFs. Mutual funds do not trade on an exchange and are valued at the end of the trading day; ETFs trade on stock exchanges and, like stocks, are valued constantly throughout the trading day. Mutual funds and ETFs can either passively track indices, such as the S&P 500 or the Dow Jones Industrial Average, or can be actively managed by fund managers. Take the Next Step to Invest Advertiser Disclosure Investment Trusts Trusts are another type of pooled investment. Real Estate Investment Trusts (REITs) are one of the most popular in this category. REITs invest in commercial or residential properties and pay regular distributions to their investors from the rental income received from these properties. REITs trade on stock exchanges and thus offer their investors the advantage of instant liquidity. Alternative Investments Alternative investments is a catch-all category that includes hedge funds and private equity. Hedge funds are so-called because they can hedge their investment bets by going long and short on stocks and other investments. Private equity enables companies to raise capital without going public. Hedge funds and private equity were typically only available to affluent investors deemed "accredited investors" who met certain income and net worth requirements. However, in recent years, alternative investments have been introduced in fund formats that are accessible to retail investors. Options and Other Derivatives Derivatives are financial instruments that derive their value from another instrument, such as a stock or index. Options contracts are a popular derivative that gives the buyer the right but not the obligation to buy or sell a security at a fixed price within a specific time period. Derivatives usually employ leverage, making them a high-risk, high-reward proposition. Commodities Commodities include metals, oil, grain, and animal products, as well as financial instruments and currencies. They can either be traded through commodity futures—which are agreements to buy or sell a specific quantity of a commodity at a specified price on a particular future date—or ETFs. Commodities can be used for hedging risk or for speculative purposes. Comparing Investing Styles Let's compare a couple of the most common investing styles: Active versus passive investing: The goal of active investing is to "beat the index" by actively managing the investment portfolio. Passive investing, on the other hand, advocates a passive approach, such as buying an index fund, in tacit recognition of the fact that it is difficult to beat the market consistently. While there are pros and cons to both approaches, in reality, few fund managers beat their benchmarks consistently enough to justify the higher costs of active management. Growth versus value: Growth investors prefer to invest in high-growth companies, which typically have higher valuation ratios such as Price-Earnings (P/E) than value companies. Value investors look for companies that have significantly lower PE's and higher dividend yields than growth companies because they may be out of favor with investors, either temporarily or for a prolonged period of time. How to Invest Do-It-Yourself Investing The question of "how to invest" boils down to whether you are a Do-It-Yourself (DIY) kind of investor or would prefer to have your money managed by a professional. Many investors who prefer to manage their money themselves have accounts at discount or online brokerages because of their low commissions and the ease of executing trades on their platforms. DIY investing is sometimes called self-directed investing, and requires a fair amount of education, skill, time commitment, and the ability to control one's emotions. If these attributes do not describe you well, it may be smarter to let a professional help manage your investments. Professionally-Managed Investing Investors who prefer professional money management generally have wealth managers looking after their investments. Wealth managers usually charge their clients a percentage of assets under management (AUM) as their fees. While professional money management is more expensive than managing money by oneself, such investors don't mind paying for the convenience of delegating the research, investment decision-making, and trading to an expert. The SEC's Office of Investor Education and Advocacy urges investors to confirm that their investment professional is licensed and registered. 2 Roboadvisor Investing Some investors opt to invest based on suggestions from automated financial advisors. Powered by algorithms and artificial intelligence, roboadvisors gather critical information about the investor and their risk profile to make suitable recommendations. With little to no human interference, roboadvisors offer a cost-effective way of investing with services similar to what a human investment advisor offers. With advancements in technology, roboadvisors are capable of more than selecting investments. They can also help people develop retirement plans and manage trusts and other retirement accounts, such as 401(k)s. A Brief History of Investing While the concept of investing has been around for millennia, investing in its present form can find its roots in the period between the 17th and 18th centuries, when the development of the first public markets connected investors with investment opportunities. The Amsterdam Stock Exchange was established in 1602, and the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) in 1792. Industrial Revolution Investing The Industrial Revolutions of 1760-1840 and 1860-1914 resulted in greater prosperity as a result of which people amassed savings that could be invested, fostering the development of an advanced banking system. Most of the established banks that dominate the investing world began in the 1800s, including Goldman Sachs and J.P. Morgan. 20th Century Investing The 20th century saw new ground being broken in investment theory, with the development of new concepts in asset pricing, portfolio theory, and risk management. In the second half of the 20th century, many new investment vehicles were introduced, including hedge funds, private equity, venture capital, REITs, and ETFs. In the 1990s, the rapid spread of the Internet made online trading and research capabilities accessible to the general public, completing the democratization of investing that had commenced more than a century ago. 21st Century Investing The bursting of the dot.com bubble—a bubble that created a new generation of millionaires from investments in technology-driven and online business stocks—ushered in the 21st century and perhaps set the scene for what was to come. In 2001, the collapse of Enron took center stage, with its full display of fraud that bankrupted the company and its accounting firm, Arthur Andersen, as well as many of its investors. One of the most notable events in the 21st century, or history for that matter, is the Great Recession (2007-2009) when an overwhelming number of failed investments in mortgage-backed securities crippled economies around the world. Well-known banks and investment firms went under, foreclosures surmounted, and the wealth gap widened. The 21st century also opened up the world of investing to newcomers and unconventional investors by saturating the market with discount online investment companies and free-trading apps, such as Robinhood. Investing vs. Speculation Whether buying a security qualifies as investing or speculation depends on three factors: The amount of risk taken on: Investing usually involves a lower amount of risk compared with speculation. The holding period of the investment: Investing typically involves a longer holding period, measured quite frequently in years; speculation involves much shorter holding periods. Source of returns: Price appreciation may be a relatively less important part of returns from investing, while dividends or distributions may be a major part. In speculation, price appreciation is generally the main source of returns. As price volatility is a common measure of risk, it stands to reason that a staid blue-chip is much less risky than a cryptocurrency. Thus, buying a dividend-paying blue chip with the expectation of holding it for several years would qualify as investing. On the other hand, a trader who buys a cryptocurrency to flip it for a quick profit in a couple of days is clearly speculating. Example of Return From Investing Assume you purchased 100 shares of XYZ stock for $310 and sold it exactly a year later for $460.20. What was your approximate total return, ignoring commissions? Keep in mind, XYZ does not issue stock dividends. The resulting capital gain would be (($460.20 - $310)/$310) x 100% = 48.5%. Now, imagine that XYZ had issued dividends during your holding period, and you received $5 in dividends per share. Your approximate total return would then be 50.11% (Capital gains: 48.5% + Dividends: ($500/$31,000) x 100% = 1.61%). How Can I Start Investing? You can choose the do-it-yourself route, selecting investments based on your investing style, or enlist the help of an investment professional, such as an advisor or broker. Before investing, it's important to determine what your preferences and risk tolerance are. If risk-averse, choosing stocks and options, may not be the best choice. Develop a strategy, outlining how much to invest, how often to invest, and what to invest in based on goals and preferences. Before allocating your resources, research the target investment to make sure it aligns with your strategy and has the potential to deliver desired results. Remember, you don't need a lot of money to begin, and you can modify as your needs change. What Are Some Types of Investments? There are many types of investments to choose from. Perhaps the most common are stocks, bonds, real estate, and ETFs/mutual funds. Other types of investments to consider are real estate, CDs, annuities, cryptocurrencies, commodities, collectibles, and precious metals. How Can Investing Grow My Money? Investing is not reserved for the wealthy. You can invest nominal amounts. For example, you can purchase low-priced stocks, deposit small amounts into an interest-bearing savings account, or save until you accumulate a target amount to invest. If your employer offers a retirement plan, such as a 401(k), allocate small amounts from your pay until you can increase your investment. If your employer participates in matching, you may realize that your investment has doubled. You can begin investing in stocks, bonds, and mutual funds or even open an IRA. Starting with $1,000 is nothing to sneeze at. A $1,000 investment in Amazon's IPO in 1997 would yield millions today. This was largely due to several stock splits, but it does not change the result: monumental returns. Savings accounts are available at most financial institutions and don't usually require a large amount to invest. Savings accounts don't typically boast high-interest rates; so, shop around to find one with the best features and most competitive rates. Believe it or not, you can invest in real estate with $1,000. You may not be able to buy an income-producing property, but you can invest in a company that does. A real estate investment trust (REIT) is a company that invests in and manages real estate to drive profits and produce income. With $1,000, you can invest in REIT stocks, mutual funds, or exchange-traded funds. Is Investing the Same as Gambling? No, gambling and investing differ greatly. With investing you put your money to work in projects or activities that are expected to produce a positive return over time - they have positive expected returns. Gambling is to place bets on the outcomes of events or games. Your money is not being put to work at all. Often, gambling has a negative expected return. While an investment may lose money, it will do so because the project involved fails to deliver. The outcome of gambling, on the other hand, is due purely to chance. The Bottom Line Investing is the act of distributing resources into something to generate income or gain profits. The type of investment you choose might likely depend on you what you seek to gain and how sensitive you are to risk. Assuming little risk generally yields lower returns and vice versa for assuming high risk. Investments can be made in stocks, bonds, real estate, precious metals, and more. Investing can be made with money, assets, cryptocurrency, or other mediums of exchange. There are different types of investment vehicles, such as stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and real estate, each carrying different levels of risks and rewards. Investors can independently invest without the help of an investment professional or enlist the services of a licensed and registered investment advisor. Technology has also afforded investors the option of receiving automated investment solutions by way of roboadvisors. The amount of consideration, or money, needed to invest depends largely on the type of investment and the investor's financial position, needs, and goals. However, many vehicles have lowered their minimum investment requirements, allowing more people to participate. Despite how you choose to invest or what you choose to invest in, research your target, as well as your investment manager or platform. Possibly one of the best nuggets of wisdom is from veteran and accomplished investor Warren Buffet, "Never invest in a business you cannot understand." 3 Practice trading with virtual money SELECT A STOCK TSLA AAPL NKE AMZN WMT SELECT INVESTMENT AMOUNT $ SELECT A PURCHASE DATE CALCULATE SPONSORED The Unexpected Way Millionaires Invest in Alternatives It's easy to see why investors want to help protect their portfolios from inflation with real assets, like art. Masterworks is an exclusive community of investors who are capitalizing on this exclusive market. Investors secured 14%, 27%, and 35% net returns from past offerings. Get priority access to their new offerings and skip the waitlist now. See important Reg A disclosures:Masterworks ARTICLE SOURCES Take the Next Step to Invest Advertiser Disclosure Related Terms What Are Alternative Investments? Definition and Examples An alternative investment is a financial asset that does not fall into one of the conventional investment categories. more What Does an Investor Do? What Are the Different Types? Any person who commits capital with the expectation of financial returns is an investor. Common investment vehicles include stocks, bonds, commodities, and mutual funds. more What Are Asset Classes? More Than Just Stocks and Bonds An asset class is a grouping of investments that exhibit similar characteristics and are subject to the same laws and regulations. more Portfolio Management: Definition, Types, and Strategies Portfolio management involves selecting and overseeing a group of investments that meet a client's long-term financial objectives and risk tolerance. more What Are Returns in Investing, and How Are They Measured? In finance, a return is the profit or loss derived from investing or saving. more Unit Investment Trust (UIT): Definition and How to Invest Unit investment trusts (UIT) buy a fixed portfolio of securities and allows investors to redeem their "units," similar to a mutual fund. more Related Articles enior couple sitting at the kitchen table looking at digital tablet and recalculating their expenses because of inflation ECONOMY How to Hedge Against Inflation Investing Journey INVESTING Investing: An Introduction A business person tracking the technical movement of a stock chart on a computer screen INVESTING How to Buy Alternative Investments Exterior view of home for sale ALTERNATIVE INVESTMENTS 5 Alternative Investments HEDGE FUNDS Hedge Fund vs. Private Equity Fund: What's the Difference? STRATEGIES What Advisors Can Learn From Ultra-Wealthy Clients Facebook Instagram LinkedIn Newsletter Twitter TRUSTe About Us Terms of Service Dictionary Editorial Policy Advertise News Privacy Policy Contact Us Careers Do Not Sell My Personal Information Investopedia is part of the Dotdash Meredith publishing family. Ad (Investopedia)

Silicon valley

Silicon Valley region, California, United States Actions Written by Michael Aaron Dennis Fact-checked by The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica Last Updated: May 20, 2023 • Article History Table of Contents Recent News May 20, 2023, 1:19 AM ET (AP) Former 49ers lobbyist testifies he received illegally leaked report on team's political influence The former chief lobbyist for the San Francisco 49ers has testified that a Silicon Valley city councilman illegally leaked a confidential report criticizing the team's political influence May 8, 2023, 6:31 PM ET (AP) California bank regulator finds own faults in bank's demise California's bank regulator said Monday that it was too slow to see the growing risks at Silicon Valley Bank and did not act forcefully enough to get the bank to fix its problems Show More Summary Read a brief summary of this topic Silicon Valley. Silicon Valley. Silicon Valley, industrial region around the southern shores of San Francisco Bay, California, U.S., with its intellectual centre at Palo Alto, home of Stanford University. Silicon Valley includes northwestern Santa Clara county as far inland as San Jose, as well as the southern bay regions of Alameda and San Mateo counties. Its name is derived from the dense concentration of electronics and computer companies that sprang up there since the mid-20th century, silicon being the base material of the semiconductors employed in computer circuits. The economic emphasis in Silicon Valley has now partly switched from computer manufacturing to research, development, and marketing of computer products and software. Valley of Heart's Delight Early in the 20th century the area now called Silicon Valley was a bucolic region dominated by agriculture and known as the "Valley of Heart's Delight" owing to the popularity of the fruits grown in its orchards. It is roughly bounded by San Francisco Bay on the north, the Santa Cruz Mountains on the west, and the Diablo Range on the east. But Silicon Valley is not only a geographic location. The very name is synonymous with the rise of the computer and electronics industry as well as the emergence of the digital economy and the Internet. As such, Silicon Valley is also a state of mind, an idea about regional economic development, and part of a new mythology of American wealth. Other U.S. states and even other countries have attempted to create their own "Silicon Valleys," but they have often failed to re-create elements that were crucial to the success of the original. Terman and Stanford Industrial Park If any single person is responsible for Silicon Valley, it is the electrical engineer and administrator Frederick E. Terman (1900-82). While a graduate student at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT; Ph.D., 1924), Terman saw how the faculty at Cambridge actively pursued research as well as contact with industry through consulting and the placement of students in corporations. Returning home to Palo Alto in 1925 to join the faculty at Stanford, where he had received his undergraduate degree, Terman realized that Stanford's electrical engineering department was deficient. At MIT the faculty were experts in a broad range of fields—electronics, power engineering, computing, and communications—all on the leading edge of research. At Stanford the electrical engineering department had a single focus—electric power engineering. Terman set out to build Stanford into a major centre of radio and communications research. He also encouraged students such as William Hewlett and David Packard (of the Hewlett-Packard Company) and Eugene Litton (of Litton Industries, Inc.) to establish local companies. Terman also invested in these "start-up" enterprises, personally demonstrating his desire to integrate the university with industry in the region. When the United States entered World War II in 1941, Terman was made director of Harvard University's Radio Research Laboratory, which was dedicated to producing radar jamming and other electronic countermeasure technologies. At war's end he returned to Stanford as dean of engineering, intent on transforming Stanford into a West Coast MIT. First, he selected technologies for research emphasis; given his wartime work on microwave radar, he began with microwave electronics. Second, he solicited military contracts to fund academic research by faculty members who had worked in microwave technology during the war. By 1949 Stanford had become one of the top three recipients of government research contracts, overshadowing all other electronics departments west of the Mississippi River. In 1951 Terman spearheaded the creation of the Stanford Industrial (now Research) Park, which granted long-term leases on university land exclusively to high-technology firms. Soon Varian Associates, Inc. (now Varian Medical Systems, Inc.), Eastman Kodak Company, General Electric Company, Admiral Corporation, Lockheed Corporation (now Lockheed Martin Corporation), Hewlett-Packard Company, and others turned Stanford Research Park into America's premier high-technology manufacturing region. A mutually beneficial relationship developed: professors consulted with the rent-paying tenants, industrial researchers taught courses on campus, and companies recruited the best students. The park was Silicon Valley in miniature. As more firms moved to the region, fueling demand for basic electronic components, technical skills, and business supplies, many former high-technology employees started their own companies. Long before the personal computer, the start-up was the culture of the Valley. Get a Britannica Premium subscription and gain access to exclusive content. Subscribe Now From semiconductors to personal computers In 1956 William Shockley, Nobel Prize-winning coinventor of the transistor, established his new Shockley Semiconductor Laboratory in the park. Within a year a group of dissatisfied engineers resigned en masse to join with Fairchild Camera and Instrument Corporation to establish Fairchild Semiconductor Corporation in nearby Santa Clara. (Engineers from Fairchild went on to coinvent the integrated circuit in 1958.) This was the first of many corporate fractures that shaped the American semiconductor landscape. Of 31 semiconductor manufacturers established in the United States during the 1960s, only 5 existed outside the Valley; the remainder were the result of different engineers leaving Fairchild. The late 1960s and early 1970s saw a fundamental change in the semiconductor market. By 1972 the U.S. military accounted for only 12 percent of semiconductor sales, compared with more than 50 percent during the early 1960s. With the growth in consumer applications, by the mid-1970s venture capitalists had replaced the U.S. government as the primary source of financing for start-ups. Meanwhile, entrepreneurs were quickly establishing firms to supply the semiconductor manufacturers with everything from instruments and measurement equipment to furnaces and cubicle partitions. In Silicon Valley it was possible to establish a corporation, find venture capital, rent space, hire staff, and be in business within a matter of weeks. In the 1980s and '90s the Silicon Valley landscape changed further as the economy shifted from semiconductors to personal computer manufacturing and then to computer software and Internet-based business. Economic growth during the transitional period 1986-92 was an anemic 0.7 percent per year, leading many manufacturers in the region to demand government protection from foreign competitors. Nevertheless, Stanford students continued to establish roughly 100 new companies each year, including Sun Microsystems, Inc., in 1982 and Yahoo! Inc. in 1994. Successful entrepreneurs returned as venture capitalists to plow their expertise and wealth back into the Valley. The intellectual density of the Valley grew, and the constant movement of employees and skills continued. Yet, through all this frenetic growth, personal contact remained central to the Valley way of doing business. Indeed, personal relationships were as important in the age of the Internet as they were when the U.S. government gave out military research funding in the early years of the Valley's development. A venture capitalist might read thousands of business plans, but it was usually the personal presentation and the personality of the entrepreneur that determined funding. A poor presentation would sink all but the most brilliant plan. This was one of the great ironies of the boom economy of the 1990s. While the Internet enabled global communications, many of the technologies that made this transformation possible were the product of a local culture of face-to-face interaction. Explosive growth Since the invention of the integrated circuit, Silicon Valley and growth have been nearly synonymous. In 1959 there were roughly 18,000 high-technology jobs in the area. By 1971 there were approximately 117,000 such jobs, and in 1990 nearly 268,000 filled positions. From 1992 to 1999 Silicon Valley added more than 230,000 jobs (an increase of 23 percent) and accounted for roughly 40 percent of California's export trade. To fill the growing need for high-technology workers, particularly engineers, the United States relaxed immigration quotas for aliens with special training, and the region experienced a large influx of workers from India and China. From 1975 to the 1990 U.S. census, the foreign-born population of Santa Clara county more than doubled, to 350,000. By the 21st century the Valley's population had grown to more than two million; San Jose alone grew from roughly 200,000 in 1960 to more than 900,000 by century's end to become the largest city in northern California. Electronics, computers, and computer software made the region's wealth, but much of that wealth was absorbed by real estate: by 2000 the median price of a home in Santa Clara county was more than twice the national median for major metropolitan areas. Bursting bubbles The year 2000 marked the end of the "Internet bubble," a five-year period when the paper value of publicly traded stock in Internet-based companies rose far above the real earning potential of the industry. By 2005 publicly traded Valley firms were worth roughly one-third of their market peak—a paper loss of approximately $2 trillion. Economic change of that magnitude had a profound effect. In 2005 there were fewer jobs in Santa Clara county than before the boom began in 1995. Venture capital funding, the lifeblood of Valley start-ups, collapsed from $105.5 billion in 2000 to $20.9 billion in 2004. Even Silicon Valley's famous optimism took a beating in the post-bubble environment. Yet it is striking that home values did not decline: Silicon Valley remained an expensive place to live. The housing bubble finally burst in 2008, along with the general economy, as the median sale price of homes in the Valley tumbled more than 30 percent during the year, with some areas experiencing a nearly 50 percent drop in housing prices. Yet, even though Silicon Valley's famous optimism took a beating in the post-bubble environment, it was not knocked out. In the aftermath of the Great Recession of 2008-09, with unemployment rates in the Valley at 10 percent or more, newcomers such as LinkedIn and Facebook raised hopes that social media might be the next new wave to keep the Valley's fortunes afloat. Even in a period of reduced investment, Silicon Valley companies drew as much as 40 percent of all venture capital funding in the United States. Such statistics are important, but they cannot capture the essence of the Valley or the history that has made such a remarkable place possible. Most current residents see the Valley as a product of raw, naked capitalism, a place where cubicle workers exist on a diet of fast food, where venture capitalists drive luxury cars and specialize in particular types of computer chips, and where bright young men and women can pitch their ideas, obtain financial support, and wait for the initial public offering of stock in their enterprise to transform them from hardworking individuals into hardworking millionaires. After the bursting of the Internet bubble, of course, residents realized that expectations of constant, unimpeded growth were not simply foolish but dangerous. Historical amnesia is an important part of Valley culture, but even this emphasis on the "new new thing" cannot erase the fact that the region's economic power is a product of its past as well as its present, of military contracts as well as venture capital. Silicon Valley is an economically mature region whose childhood and adolescence were paid for by U.S. tax dollars. Michael Aaron Dennis Load Next Page Information from your device can be used to personalize your ad experience. Do not sell or share my personal information. (Encyclopedia Britannica)

mentir no está bien

It's wrong to tell lies

no hay necesidad de que

No need for that

por favor, no lo vuelvas a hacer

Please, don't do it again

Suave

Smooth

What's a scary story with lightning?

Menu Prompts Contests Stories Blog Contest #169 winner 🏆 Maniacal, Manipulative, Psychotic Submitted into Contest #169 in response to: Start your story with a blast of lightning casting a graveyard in a flash of brief, white light.... view prompt Lindsay Flo FOLLOW 237 likes 141 comments DRAMA FICTION HORROR The storm had felt like a rumor all day, but now, the sky was delivering. For a second, like a knife catching a glint of light and refracting it in multitude, everything gleamed white. The lightning split the whole sky in half, and in that moment, it was brighter than daylight. The tops of the gravestones seemed to pulse like strobe lights in a night club before blackness settled them down again. She was kneeling in front of her sister's grave. She came here often—after all, that's what a mourning sister did—but she felt better coming at night. Shrouded in darkness, she could be herself, and she could feel what she wanted to—which, sometimes, was nothing. A cavernous, echoey space of emptiness. Perhaps there was a bit of pride if she were being honest. Along with a genuine sense of connection, even though her sister was nothing more than a skeleton six feet under. Funny, how it took death to rekindle a connection that hadn't existed since the womb. Either way, the emotions weren't appropriate for daytime mourning. The lightning seemed suitable for tonight. It was the anniversary of her sister's death. And it lit something up inside of her too, a dark part of her that she didn't always feel comfortable touching. In the dynamic moment when everything became bright, she leaned forward and put her lips on the cold stone. She was certain that whatever plane of existence her sister lived on in, her head was exploding at this artificial expression of tenderness. It wasn't totally artificial. It really wasn't. It was just that, in life, they were polar opposites. Good and bad. Angel and devil. Black and white. They were identical, but no one would ever mistake one for the other. And yet, the thought that had hung out in her mind for the past year said otherwise. They were not so different. Their mother, Paige, would have told you there was something wrong with Madeline right from the start. Her daughters were identical twins, but the resemblance was purely physical. Madeline had been a difficult baby from day one. She was one who cried nonstop, who refused to nurse. When Paige would finally get her settled and carefully place her down, she rarely got as far as the nursery door before Madeline's blood-curdling cries began again, often waking Erica as well. Paige would want to sob on the floor, she was so absolutely depleted. Madeline was an infant who made Paige understand why Shaken Baby Syndrome was a thing. As a toddler, Paige would tell you that Madeline fine-tuned her mean streak. Paige could not take her eyes off her for even a second, for fear she would push Erica down the stairs, or pinch her so hard a purple welt would instantly appear. Erica, by contrast, was sweet as pie, and Paige thanked God every day for that. She didn't think she could have handled two demon babies, which is how she thought of Madeline. At night, she begged God to forgive her—what kind of mother hated her child? Oh, she loved her—she loved them both. But she detested Madeline. She wished for her mother or sister to offer to take Madeline for a weekend—even a day—but that never happened. Erica, though. She was quiet, ate and slept well, and was a child who lit up with a smile when you spoke to her (unlike her sister, who was more liable to kick you in the shin, the demon grin on her face.) Erica grew into a little girl teachers raved about, one who followed the rules and was polite. Paige knew you were not supposed to have favorites, but she didn't see how that was possible. When she asked God to forgive her, she also prayed that Madeline would outgrow her wickedness. That never happened either. Erica would have told you that being the good child was a heavier burden then it appeared. Aside from never wanting to cause a fuss—and even good little girls became frustrated or angry sometimes—there was also Madeline's temper to consider. Erica learned at a young age to watch her back—Madeline had a fondness for pushing her down the stairs or sticking her foot out to trip her. Erica spent a lifetime sleeping with one eye open. Years of watching her back, of being ready to defend herself against her sister's attacks was exhausting. Sometimes, she wanted to be the one who screamed out a tirade, who wiped the contents of a table off as she ran by in an indignant rage. But she didn't think her mother could have handled that. There was a weariness in Paige's eyes so solid you knew it bled right down into her soul. As they grew up, Madeline's attacks against her twin became more devious in nature. Bored, it seemed, of physical assault, Madeline would do things that seemed more benign. But these acts of scheming cut Erica deeper than any bruise or twisted finger could. Ripping up a book report with a big, red 100% at the top. Dumping black dye on her cheerleading uniform. Erica learned quickly that it was easier to keep her head down and privately tell their mother that she had aced the math test. It was easier just to not run for student council president, to give up cheerleading. Erica locked her bedroom door at night. The truth was, Madeline terrified her. And Madeline? Madeline would have told you her parents played favorites from the start, so why not star in the role she was cast? She would have entertained you with memories of being four and staring at her perfect, pristine sister while hatred she could not stop bubbled inside of her. Erica's hair looked like ringlets on a child model and Madeline's was a wild frizz that could never be tamed, just like her, she supposed. She would tell you a story about grabbing a hunk of Erica's shiny blonde curls and hacking them off with contraband sewing scissors before she even knew what had happened. She would tell you a hundred stories like that, but the truth was it got old. Erica never reacted to physical attacks, just hid her quiet, pathetic face in her hands. Madeline had to become more creative. She would tell you about how she slept with Erica's high school boyfriend and made a video of it. That was fun. How she posted it online and watched it go viral in a matter of hours. How she had kept her face out of the video, so no one knew it was her. Everyone assumed it was Erica...but Erica knew. Erica knew, because she was a virgin. Madeline knew this secret of hers because she had read Erica's pathetic little diary, the one with a pink patent leather cover and a lock, that looked like it belonged to a twelve-year-old. Madeline would tell you the best part was that Erica's boyfriend had no clue he was hooking up with the wrong twin. His eyeballs practically bulged out of his head, he was so excited when Madeline locked Erica's bedroom door and promptly took off her shirt. Madeline had chuckled after he left and she watched the video, excited to see how this would play out. As she expected, Erica's good-girl reputation took a hit and she broke up with her boyfriend. Good. Served her right. Madeline would tell you about how her hatred for Erica ran so deep she was unsure of who she was without it. Their father, Andy, wouldn't tell you anything because he had split years ago. It was no secret that his reasons for departure were hinged on the behavior of his maniacal, manipulative, psychotic daughter. Both girls had heard him scream this phrase at their mother, who was refusing to get Madeline help. Scream it as if instead of Madeline her name was maniacal, manipulative, psychopathic daughter. They were only five years old at the time. Paige felt that Madeline was much too young to be subjected to testing, therapy, or medication. Andy felt the complete opposite, and so their marriage—which had once been a true love affair, although neither girl knew that—dissolved. Lightning spliced through the night again, and she traced the lettering on her sister's grave. She was glad she was dead. Oh, she would never say that, even though people probably expected her to. Even though her mother side-eyed her through silent dinners, the gaze of a woman mourning tinted with fear. She was pretty sure her mother knew that the accident hadn't been an accident. Paige would never say anything though. Their mother had been through hell and back. Losing her husband. A lifetime of a maniacal, manipulative, psychotic daughter. Losing a child—which, no matter what the circumstances, was devastating. Paige was withered up, spent. Her movements were ghostlike, as if she had died alongside her daughter. It hadn't been murder or anything like that. There was nothing premeditated—in that sense, it really was an accident. But if felt as if the universe had offered up an opportunity. Like a giant hand had reached down from the sky and said here. Take her out. End all your problems. It was a beautiful October day. They had driven home from school in stony silence—the fallout of Erica's boyfriend's betrayal was still a fresh wound. She had parked the car and was gathering her things and then realized she needed to move it to the street. Their mother wasn't home yet, and she would need access to the garage. She threw it into reverse and immediately felt a dull thud, a heavy tap. Instinctively, she slammed on the brakes. And then... And then, she let them up. She let the car roll backwards, feeling the satisfying rocking as it ran right over her sister and accomplished what she'd dreamt of so many times. It was shocking, both what had happened and the sense of peace that she felt about it. Of course, the aftermath wasn't pretty, particularly the immediate aftermath. She had always felt that she had a strong stomach but seeing the remains of her twin's face—identical to hers—in smithereens on the driveway was enough to make her vomit before she even dialed 911. Paige's primal scream when she showed up moments later, ambulances already surrounding the house. Okay—she did feel bad about that. Whatever you could say about Paige hating Madeline, she couldn't help but feel empathy for her own mother. Then there had been the funeral. The abysmally low number of people in attendance—it wasn't hard to figure out why. What would they say, sorry for your loss? The awkward and uncomfortable appearance of her father, who patted her shoulder like she was a horse in a stable, a horse he was a little bit wary of. He barely spoke to her, only stared at the casket. She swore she saw tears dripping. Before he left all those years ago, their father had made it no secret that Erica was his favorite. Paige, at that time, was still trying to perpetuate the notion that she loved her daughters equally, but Andy had little patience for that. Erica was the one he played with, the one he took along for Sunday errands, the one who's ears he pulled quarters from in an embarrassing dad-joke way. Still, it was bizarre to see him standing over the casket, crying. It wasn't even open. She had half expected him to stick around. Maybe with her sister out of the way, the three of them could form a nice, normal family. She was nearly eighteen, but she still fantasized about the life she could have had if it hadn't been so streaked with all the hatred. A mom and a dad who loved each other and adored her...and that was it. No sister. She could picture her whole future: Christmas dinners with the three of them together. Her wedding day, with both parents walking her down the aisle together. A happy life. But that was not to be. Andy split faster than he had the first time. He hadn't even come to the internment at the cemetery. Rain was beginning to fall now, and she thought it was time to go home. She really didn't want to, because the biggest secret that she kept was that she'd felt closer to her sister in the year that had passed since she'd run her over than she had all her life. She felt a sense of...aliveness, connection whenever she visited the grave. Sometimes, she was almost a bit regretful...maybe that connection meant that someway, somehow, they could have overcome their differences. Maybe her sister had just been playing the role she was cast in, after all. Or maybe it meant they were not so different after all. As the rain began to fall harder, Erica traced her fingers through Madeline's name. It was a ritual she did each time she said good-bye. She traced the name, she whispered it into the darkness, and she leaned over and kissed the chilled, wet stone once more before standing up. It was funny. If it had been the other way around, if Madeline had crushed Erica with her car, everyone would have assumed it was on purpose. But Erica? No one would ever suspect that she'd had a moment to think, a moment when she could have stopped the trajectory of what was about to happen. And if they did suspect that moment existed, they would never guess that Erica would have taken her foot off the brake purposefully, intently. Not Erica, who volunteered at the homeless shelter and dutifully rinsed her toothpaste down the sink and never had a bad word to say about anyone, even her maniacal, manipulative, psychotic sister. No one would ever know. And there was a sense of peace now. At least she didn't have to watch her back all the time, always wondering what Madeline was up to. The space gave Erica time to think about things. The amount of energy that had been spent managing, deflecting, and watching out for Madeline's hatred was mind-boggling. Without her there...there was a lot of space. Maybe that was why she liked the way she felt when she visited the cemetery. It was familiar. Erica leaned over and kissed the gravestone one last time. She felt that jolt of electricity coursing through her, that piece of evil that seemed to come from Madeline. She had always understood Madeline's hatred because she felt the same way. She had just never done anything about it. At least until the day of the accident. No, they were not so different, were they? As Erica turned to leave, another bolt of lightning bent the sky white and purple. Just at that moment, she swore she saw a hand reach out of the ground, grab her ankle and yank her. When the darkness enveloped her again, she saw she had only tripped over her own two feet. There was nothing there. No hand sticking out of the ground, no ruptured earth. Still, Erica was shaken. She scurried out of the cemetery, her heart pounding in a way it hadn't in a whole year. The entire time, she continued to look over her shoulder, expecting to see Madeline. She swore she heard her chortling behind her, but as she reached her car, she realized it was only the thunder. She thought about the day recently, when she'd tripped heading down the front steps of the house, how she'd sworn she felt a hand shove her from behind. There was no one there though, and she had chalked it up to needing her morning coffee more than she realized. Now though, Erica wondered. Wouldn't that be just like the maniacal, manipulative, psychotic Madeline to be able to cause trouble from beyond the grave? She quickly shook her head, as if to clear that thought away. This was just PTSD from years of abuse, left-over trauma from what she'd done. It was not Madeline. As she threw the car in reverse to turn around and hightail out of the cemetery, she remembered that day in all of its vividness, and she knew she'd done the right thing. There was only so much Madeline could do anymore, being dead and all. Erica was glad she was dead! She was glad she was the one who made it happen. Madeline wasn't the only one who was maniacal, manipulative, psychotic. No, they were not so different, after all. Twitter Facebook Pinterest Report October 25, 2022 11:26 Lindsay Flo 16 submissions Follow You must sign up or log in to submit a comment. 237 likes 141 comments 5 points Rebecca Miles 21:14 Oct 29, 2022 Hi Lindsay, your stories are always so brave; they tale big risks and deliver. A hallmark seems to be unconventional characters observed from an afar which gets closer and closer as we read on. I had the sense with Mothering that your story revised stereotypes: who actually is a good mother? Here you effortlessly grappled with not only sibling rivalry but also the very nature of evil and how it might not be nearly as simple as we'd like to believe. The whole tyre roll back was just chilling and the repeat at the close perfect for Halloween.... Reply 4 points Lindsay Flo 11:45 Nov 02, 2022 Thanks Rebecca! I read a quote once that was something along the lines of people having many more similarities than differences and its so true. I've also learned as I grow older that EVERYONE has something--something traumatic, something unlucky, something secret. Nobody gets through life unscathed! I liked writing this because it was a bit more fictional and "thriller" isn't my typical go-to, so it was fun! Reply 2 points Rebecca Miles 17:18 Nov 04, 2022 Well done Lindsay on the win; I knew this one would take top spot as soon as I read it.🏆 Reply 2 points Lindsay Flo 17:27 Nov 04, 2022 Thanks Rebecca! I'm so thrilled! Reply 4 points Zelda C. Thorne 04:09 Oct 26, 2022 Hi Lindsay! Ooooo the end was so creepy and full of lingering dread. Great Halloween story. I've pointed out my favourite parts and a few potential edits I noticed. Hope they're helpful! "There was a weariness in Paige's eyes so solid you knew it bled right down into her soul." - loved this "The awkward and uncomfortable appearance of her father, who patted her shoulder like she was a horse in a stable, a horse he was a little bit wary of. " - this is such a good description "Or maybe it meant they were not so different after all." - Heh,... Reply 1 points Lindsay Flo 18:59 Oct 26, 2022 Thank you!!! That's a lot of typos I missed, haha. Thank you for all those suggestions! Is there a way to edit once you've submitted a story? Reply 2 points Lindsay Flo 19:01 Oct 26, 2022 Never mind I just answered my own question lol. I'll fix those up :) Reply 1 points Zelda C. Thorne 19:50 Oct 26, 2022 You're welcome! 🙂 Reply 4 points Naomi Onyeanakwe 13:02 Oct 25, 2022 Love love LOVE this! I can't even start mentioning all the things I love about this, 'cause they are just so many, but I will say though, that I really liked how, until we come to the present, it is not clear which sister did the killing. At first I thought it was Erica, then by the funeral, I started to think it was Madeline. And then it is revealed that it is actually Erica! (And I LOVED that, btw). This story was so good. Well done! Good luck in the contest, I will be rooting for this story. Reply 3 points Lindsay Flo 18:24 Oct 25, 2022 Thank you!! I was actually trying to write it so it would seem logical that it was Madeline, the evil twin, and Erica being the actual culprit was the twist. I had a hard time writing this, must have edited it ten or fifteen times...I'm glad it came across well! Reply 1 points Naomi Onyeanakwe 20:42 Oct 25, 2022 You're welcome! Reply 1 points Naomi Onyeanakwe 16:33 Nov 04, 2022 Congrats on the win!!! Reply 1 points Naomi Onyeanakwe 16:35 Nov 04, 2022 Congrats on the win!!! Reply 1 points Lindsay Flo 16:40 Nov 04, 2022 Thank you! I'm thrilled :) Reply 3 points Andrea Doig 15:34 Oct 29, 2022 Great read! Right up my alley. I kept expecting that Madeline had killed Erica and was pretending to be Erica haha. So for the the twist was that there was no massive twist! Well except that Erica was not so different from her sister after all. Well written. I enjoyed it very much. Well done. Reply 1 points Lindsay Flo 11:45 Nov 02, 2022 Thank you! Reply 1 points Andrea Doig 08:19 Nov 11, 2022 WOW, you won!!!! Whoop whoop!!! Such a worthy winner. I really enjoyed the story as I said and I am so happy for you. Well-deserved xx Reply 2 points Alme Acab 17:21 Mar 19, 2023 Can you please summarize Reply 1 points Madeeha SHAHID 11:00 Mar 30, 2023 no Reply 2 points A S U K E! Oh 18:56 Jan 21, 2023 hello, I am ahmed. can I sher your stories on my youtube channel? Reply 1 points Arfa Elogail 03:05 May 01, 2023 Here is the link if You would like to have a look :) https://youtube.com/@arfa.elogail Reply 1 points Arfa Elogail 03:04 May 01, 2023 An incredible tale, really. Up to the very end, it kept me on edge. Would You allow me the opportunity to post it on my teeny-tiny storytelling YT channel? Considering that I am self-taught and English is my second language, it is a non-profit channel where I simply want to share fantastic stories like this one with everyone. Reply 1 points Jack Hillier 10:25 Apr 28, 2023 how was this a winner boring Reply 1 points Jack Hillier 10:20 Apr 28, 2023 what is this ugh Reply 1 points Alan Fausel 05:13 Apr 10, 2023 Wow I'm sure glad madeline wasn't my sister, great story. Reply 1 points Robert DeRuosi 16:32 Mar 30, 2023 you suck fish Reply 1 points Robert DeRuosi 16:31 Mar 30, 2023 idkdddddddddddddddddddddddddddd Reply 1 points Robert DeRuosi 16:31 Mar 30, 2023 jk Reply 1 points Robert DeRuosi 16:31 Mar 30, 2023 this story sucks. Reply 1 points Aizen Thames 15:43 Mar 30, 2023 I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!! ONE OF MY FAVORITE STORIES !! you're my biggest inspiration on this website. i'm determined to write like you. this might be one of my favorite stories you've wrote! Reply 1 points Alme Acab 17:24 Mar 19, 2023 Title? Reply 1 points Richard E. Gower 18:49 Mar 13, 2023 I'm a relative newbie here on reedsy.....just having a look-see at some of the winning stories going back a bit. This is a very Stephen Kingsy kind of tale...someone else mentioned creepy, and I'll echo that. Well done, and congratulations on the win.-:) RG Reply 1 points Chad Wassam 04:00 Mar 09, 2023 Hello! I run a small, non-monetized reading channel on youtube where I read short stories for people to listen (mainly my wife while she falls asleep). She linked me to your story and said she'd really like if I read this one, because she enjoys it so much. I'm asking your permission to read this story on my channel, here's a link to the channel if you'd like to take a look at or listen before you agree: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgYfFXBVS2GPYMbymxXFYHw Reply 1 points Jack Hillier 14:09 Mar 02, 2023 I clapped a cat with a hat Then it went sssscccccrrrrraaapppbapbap My dog got my back Tappin my back Police knocking on my door Whilst im making my smore Sliding across the floor as i dropped it on the floor Making my way to the door My dog was eating his food whilst pooing on this dude Making my food whilst flipping this dude I smacked him with a screw whilst I went to the loo. Reply Load more comments Find the perfect editor for your next book Over 1 million authors trust the professionals on Reedsy, come meet them. Join today icon arrow icon google icon facebook reedsy logo Twitter Facebook LinkedIn Trustpilot Terms Privacy Reedsy Ltd. © 2023 (Blog.reedsy.com)

What's a story about a mouse?

Menu Prompts Contests Stories Blog Contest #186 winner 🏆 Mouse! Submitted into Contest #186 in response to: Write a story that formally utilizes a mathematical sequence; e.g., the Fibonacci sequence could determine the number of words in each paragraph, or start with a number and work backwards. Make sure the formula is made clear, either within the story, or before or after it. ... view prompt Michał Przywara FOLLOW 215 likes 241 comments BEDTIME FUNNY KIDS (This uses a triangular sequence to determine the number of words per line, and per paragraph https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_number. A couple of the longer lines seem to wrap as well - not clear how to resolve that with this editor.) Mouse! In my house. I know not whence it came. Eyes beady eyes glare at me and whiskers chuff away. "Shoo!" I shout and heavily stomp. "Get you gone now, beast, and forever hie away." "No," it squeaks; its nose twitches, "It cannot be done, I'm so sorry to say." And I'm perplexed and ever vexed. "What?" I wonder. "How dare you? What insolence is this?" Such a cheeky little mouse defying me in my own house, I simply cannot stomach this at all. "Cheese, please sir, I beg you," says the fluffy runt. "I am poor and famished, and you have so much bounty. Just a little nibble, tittle, and jot, a slice of yellow heaven, a pungent triangle." Cheese, of course it's always cheese. I feel pity swell. I cut a cheddar chunk, an orange sliver, crumbly and sharp, and hand it to the starving rodent. "There there, of course, a triangle is fair. And now you've had your fill my friend, adieu." "Thanks," it says, and then: "But." But? Is there more? "What of my wife, sir? She's dwindling fast, the poor lass, and dearly needs a bite as well." A hungry wife? Well that's certainly no good. I grab my knife and measure the cheddar anew. "Camembert, sir, if you please. Her tastes are quite refined." Again I slice, and give away. "Is that all then?" The mouse pockets the cheese and squeaks, "I've two children also." I sigh and raise my knife again. "Gouda for my girl Eileen, her favourite kind, and brie, my boy Maurice - he can't do without." I cut again and once more, my cupboard running bare, my plans for French soup abandoned, and my toast left unadorned. "More," he squeaks. "I've cousins some, arriving from all over, and aunts and uncles too. A mouse-ish wedding we will have so cut and cut more triangles, sir, of edam, feta, parmesan, and gruyere and blue, and for the kids, a queso sauce, and cream-" I scream! My shaking hand cramps from the endless cutting. "How many more?" I fretfully ask. "How many kin have you?" "Oh more, sir, a great deal so, from countries far and wide." Squeaks and chitters fill the air, a thousand tiny feet. Around me are a legion, a million mice carpet my home and drape the walls with beady eyes and swishing cobra tails. They sniff and whisker and debate which cheeses are best, and argue ceaselessly. Then I hear my guest, "Keep cutting sir! More cheese! We need halloumi by the load and much Havarti and Swiss. Cottage by the bucket, and Muenster by the barrel. And above all we need the cheese - that glorious, sumptuous, blissful cheese - that everyone calls cake." Sweat drips into my sorry eyes, I hack my knife so hard the counter splits. The mice, they cheer and jeer and hurry me along. Each new cheese I cut into a slice and then again diagonally; two perfect triangles filling the mice with glee. "More!" they shout, their squeak a roar, a deafening tide of joy. "More, sir, don't lag behind! We hunger ever so!" They pass me a new, bigger knife, and tip my fridge over, and produce a better cutting board - big, industrial and made of stainless steel - and shout "Our appetite keeps growing! Just cut and cut again, another cheesy triangle!" Another cheesy triangle!? What to do? My arm goes numb and my back aches so. I cannot keep this pace up, but my guests do goad me on. I fear what happens when I run out the last of all my cheese. Will that sate the little beasts? Or will their hunger just keep growing? Each time I blink there's even more mice by the dozen. They walk on stilts and fill the air, hanging from tiny ropes, a million million eyes on me. They bet each time another triangle's cut to see who gets the prize; and those who don't just roar their ire: "Cut faster, man, and harder! More triangles for us today! You've done okay so far." "Mouse!" I cry. "How much more?" "More and ever more," he says, and they cheer. "I've given you an inch already-" "-and we'll have a mile. You see, we like your home and we'd simply hate if we had to chew the walls. You agree?" I don't want them in my walls, yes, I concur that cheese is the better of the two. "And," he says, "a small known fact: that mice, though small, are fond of meat." Of meat? I wonder what they mean. What next? A slice of ham? Or chicken drumstick, turkey leg, bacon rasher, sausage, steak or big tin of spam? My fridge is nearly empty as it is, and held little more than my cheese. I may have a can or two of sardines in the basement, or tuna and beans. Silence, I note all around me. Not a single squeak, peep, chirp, snuffle, or twitch. All ten billion eyes on me. "Meat," says the mouse, "my good sir." And all their mouths drip with fresh saliva. "No hard feelings, sir, but we'll have our fill. Keep the triangles of cheese coming, and cut them well, or we'll gnaw the cutter who's surpassed his purpose. It's recycling." My throat's gone dry, I swallow hard, and get back to slicing. I feel their eyes crawl on my skin and hear their slobber drip. How did I get into this mess? How did the day turn so awry? The sun was nice this morning and I never feared that today I would die. I ponder all the plans left unfulfilled, as I cut another triangle and toss it to the mass of mice. Another dozen slices of smooth mozzarella, another score or two of crumbly asiago - Out. Of cheese. I swallow hard. The tense mice shift, my fridge a barren void. "Thank you, sir," says the mouse. "You've done quite well, but that's all. We'd love more cheese, but now we'll feast-" "Wait!" I cry, interrupting the beast. "A moment please." "Well?" he arches an irritated eyebrow. "What is it then? Hurry now, for our stomachs rumble so, and our young hunger." Think fast! I think I've done my good deed for the day and don't relish ending up a mousy meal. But what can I do? There's a billion billion of them, stacked so tight they run floor to ceiling. If only I had more cheese for just another triangle or two. But that's it! "Mouse!" I say. "There is more cheese!" He frowns and scans the fridge, empty and lifeless. "Not here, but at the store! I'll grab my wallet and drive down, and return with more!" The mice agree, and I flee across the sea. And the house, I put up for sale, as-is. Twitter Facebook Pinterest Report February 18, 2023 22:56 Michał Przywara 65 submissions Follow You must sign up or log in to submit a comment. 215 likes 241 comments 24 points Deidra Whitt Lovegren 15:12 Mar 03, 2023 CONGRATULATIONS MR. P ...ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ ...ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ...ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ ...ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ...ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ...ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ ...ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ...ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ...ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ...ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ Reply 6 points Michał Przywara 16:20 Mar 03, 2023 Heh :) Thank you, Deidra! Reply 3 points Hirum Jamiel 23:47 Mar 12, 2023 I keep finding your stories nice Reply 14 points Michelle Oliver 11:55 Feb 20, 2023 This was so much fun to read. It looks like visual art too. I like the triangle pattern being part of the story in the imagery of triangles of cheese. Writing it must have done your head in, counting words each time. I'm not really a numbers kind of person so that would have irritated me. I'm interested in how you worked through the challenge, your process if you will. I totally admire the way you are able to make the bizarre so accessible for us mere mortals who enjoy your stories. Reply 11 points Michał Przywara 02:06 Feb 21, 2023 Thanks, Michelle! Once I settled on the pattern, counting was easy - initially. First is just a single word, then 1+2, then 1+2+3. Things fell apart on paragraph 7 or so onward, where I kept forgetting which paragraph I was on, and therefore how many lines I needed and how many words per line. Counting them was still easy in principle, but it was also boring (and confusing, while simultaneously trying to write an actual story) - which is a recipe for human error. So I got around it by writing a little Python script to validate the text for... Reply 7 points Michelle Oliver 18:56 Mar 03, 2023 Congratulations on the win! Reply 6 points Michał Przywara 19:18 Mar 03, 2023 Thank you :D Reply 10 points Lily Finch 15:50 Feb 19, 2023 Michał, the role reversal happens quickly in the building of triangles, one from the next larger each time, just like the mice who multiply each time. I am fascinated by the mice taking on a very human trait of strength in numbers and threatening/demanding what they want or doing something to the MC's home or him. The tone and voice of the mouse change in triangle 10. "I've given you an inch already-" "-and we'll have a mile. You see, we like your home and we'd simply hate if we had to chew the walls. You agree?" I had a "Willard" mome... Reply 6 points Michał Przywara 01:54 Feb 20, 2023 Oh, that's a great take! But yeah - while we can absolutely live in harmony with other kinds of animals, it behooves us to remember they *are* different, and have their own ways of going about things. Thanks for reading this triangular story, Lily :) Reply 6 points Hannah P. Simmons 15:56 Feb 22, 2023 Michal! This was honestly a delightful read. It actually made me think of an episode of "Cabinet of Curiosities" or the "Twilight Zone". While it's quite humorous, it also dances in the realm of horror. I really enjoyed the format! The triangle structure of the story matching the theme of cutting triangles of cheese was a brilliant and creative take on this prompt! Well done my friend! <3 Reply 4 points Michał Przywara 21:49 Feb 22, 2023 Thanks, Hannah! Yeah, I can see some horror vibes :) The story is definitely a product of its form - I'm glad it worked out! A very unusual experiment this week. Reply 6 points Laurel Hanson 12:43 Feb 19, 2023 Bravo sir for rising to this prompt. The lengthening sentences with verses building as they do actually works to create tension in this "kids" story. It's funny and foreboding at the same time. And a twist on the "cut off their tales with a carving knife" one might have expected! Reply 4 points Michał Przywara 02:33 Feb 20, 2023 Thanks, Laurel! It was hard finding a workable pattern for this prompt, but it was so delightfully weird I had to give it a shot. Glad to hear the story works! I'm not convinced it's my best prose - and there was a tendency to go to something more lyrical, except the constantly inceasing word/syllable count kept throwing that - but it was nevertheless fun. If anything, it underscored for me that paradox, where more constraints can free us creatively. Maybe it's because it changes the question from "what should I?" to "how should I?" Reply 3 points Laurel Hanson 12:41 Feb 20, 2023 Yes! My first thought when I read the prompts was, "Uugh!" It felt so restrictive. Then suddenly, I had ideas for a bunch of different ways to do three of them and may still do a second story for fun (just not the math prompt. I leave that in more capable hands than mine). From my perspective, it was fun to do. I am not sure how well they read. Perhaps not the best prose or plots, but I know someone will produce a dazzler this week that will leave me in awe. Reply 5 points Athena Granados 04:17 Mar 04, 2023 Hello Michal! Hola Michal! Greetings from the Philippines! First off, congratulations on a well-deserved win! The triangle format is quite a romp. At 71, I have only come across 4 kinds of cheese in my life. My cupboard of cheese vocabulary could not have accommodated more! As neither could my wallet. I am afraid that the rodents could eat me out of the house and home! The humor jumped at me like a weird guest who later became a welcome intruder! It reminded me to set more mousetraps tonight! Reply 3 points Michał Przywara 04:59 Mar 04, 2023 Hello Athena! Greetings from Canada :) "a weird guest who later became a welcome intruder" - that's a great description! Thanks for reading :) Reply 5 points Kevin Broccoli 17:26 Mar 03, 2023 Congratulations Michal. Not just a good story but a massive achievement from someone who cannot do math to save his life! Reply 3 points Michał Przywara 18:15 Mar 03, 2023 Heh, thanks Kevin :) Reply 5 points Susan Catucci 17:02 Mar 03, 2023 Hahaha! And that's just for the subject matter! I had Coraline in the back of my mind as I read this hip hop romp of yours. The construction was incredibly well-done; for me it was like taking in an entire world made up of Lego pieces all fitted together. I'm just not sure how you managed it, but I do know how much I enjoyed it. Great. Reply 1 points Michał Przywara 17:56 Mar 03, 2023 Thanks, Susan :) Now a story as Lego, that's a fascinating idea :) Reply 4 points Kerry Batchelder 02:20 Mar 04, 2023 I absolutely was lost in this story. What imagination!!! Spectacular! Fantastic job of drawing the reader in with anticipation and suspense. Reply 3 points Michał Przywara 15:20 Mar 04, 2023 Thank you Kerry! I'm glad you enjoyed it :) Reply 3 points Wendy Kaminski 00:09 Feb 19, 2023 hahah! This was tremendously fun and cute, Michał! And technically demanding, but you certainly rose to meet the prompt, on this one! I also liked how visually pleasing it was. I gotta say, I wasn't a fan of this set of prompts, but the stories coming out of them are interesting and excellent. :) Reply 3 points Michał Przywara 17:27 Feb 19, 2023 Thanks, Wendy! This prompt stood out to me as it had such great capacity to be weird. It took a while to actually find a useable sequence though, since the whole number=words-in-paragraph can balloon very quickly. Exponentially, we might say. I had a really neat idea for odd squares, which would have handled the story-in-a-story-in-a-story prompt too, but I just couldn't get it to work and still be intelligible. Oh well. Triangles to the rescue. I'm glad it ended up being fun :) I'm not sure the prose could stand on its own, without the st... Reply 3 points Wendy Kaminski 17:35 Feb 19, 2023 Agreed, I keep eyeballing those other prompts, but there are so many good things coming out of them already, I might just stand down and enjoy the show. :) Reply 2 points Wendy Kaminski 15:11 Mar 03, 2023 YESSSS! Congratulations, absolutely the right choice for the win this week. :) Reply 2 points Michał Przywara 16:21 Mar 03, 2023 Thank you, Wendy :D Reply 2 points Ausha Garcia 17:25 May 25, 2023 😍 it was a ggood book Reply 2 points Ausha Garcia 17:25 May 25, 2023 Good job mr P 😘 Reply 1 points Michał Przywara 20:42 May 25, 2023 Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it :) Reply 2 points Friendly Dragon 12:39 May 18, 2023 Wow! It's good. I enjoy it. Oh no.. a mouse! Reply 1 points Michał Przywara 20:47 May 18, 2023 Thanks Dragon! I'm glad you enjoyed it :) Reply 2 points Dakotah Brinegar 13:29 Apr 03, 2023 Very enjoyable, and definitely very, very difficult, I'm still new and I've only got one submission... Reply 1 points Michał Przywara 20:48 Apr 03, 2023 Thanks, Dakotah! Yes, this one required quite a bit of extra planning :) I'm glad you enjoyed it! Reply 2 points Geir Westrul 18:11 Apr 02, 2023 A tour the force! Reply 2 points Michał Przywara 20:51 Apr 03, 2023 Thanks, Geir! Reply 2 points Keyanna Jones 20:23 Mar 28, 2023 Your story is so funny you should check mine out Reply 1 points Michał Przywara 21:24 Mar 29, 2023 Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it :) Reply 2 points Calvin Kirby 17:12 Mar 24, 2023 Mike, I loved the story so much that would like to use it to present to our literary shorts group Monday, April 3. I will send you a separate email. Great work and congratulations on the win! Reply 1 points Michał Przywara 02:03 Mar 26, 2023 Thanks, Cal! Reply 1 points Calvin Kirby 18:33 Apr 08, 2023 You are welcome, Michal! Reply 2 points Basil McCulloch 01:06 Mar 24, 2023 Stunning! I never thought a short story could make me so hungry, or that cheese could become as beautiful as the Taj Mahal! Thanks for the delightful read! Reply 1 points Michał Przywara 02:30 Mar 24, 2023 Thank you, Abel! It was a weird, fun story to write, with an interesting challenge :) I'm glad you enjoyed it. Reply 2 points Amy Lin 03:39 Mar 17, 2023 I loved it! Hilarious and so imaginative. Making a story like that must be very hard. CONGRATSSSSSSSSSS! Reply 1 points Michał Przywara 20:38 Mar 17, 2023 Thanks, Amy! There was definitely extra work involved, yeah. I'm glad you enjoyed it :) Reply 2 points Charlotte Hamlett 17:19 Mar 16, 2023 I found this story very amusing and clever. I thoroughly enjoyed it- you have a talent for this type of writing! Reply 2 points Michał Przywara 20:42 Mar 16, 2023 Thanks Charlotte! I'm glad you enjoyed it :) Reply Load more comments Find the perfect editor for your next book Over 1 million authors trust the professionals on Reedsy, come meet them. 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What are some stories?

Skip to content SHOP Funny Stories CREATIVITY 50+ Short Funny Stories That Will Crack You Up In 60 Seconds I curated these funny stories from funny Tumblr stories. Get ready for a hurricane of LOL as you read all these funny short stories. January Nelson By January Nelson Updated February 8, 2022 Jesse Herzog 1. Now that's what I call stupid: In my junior year of high school, this guy asked me on a date. He rented a Redbox movie and made a pizza. We were watching the movie and the oven beeped so the pizza was done. He looked me dead in the eye and said, "This is the worst part." I then watched this boy open the oven and pull the pizza out with his bare hands, rack and all, screaming at the top of his lungs. We never had a second date. 2. The fake report card: I failed the first quarter of a class in middle school, so I made a fake report card. I did this every quarter that year. I forgot that they mail home the end-of-year cards, and my mom got it before I could intercept with my fake. She was PISSED—at the school for their error. The teacher also retired that year and had already thrown out his records, so they had to take my mother's "proof" (the fake ones I made throughout the year) and "correct" the "mistake." I've never told her the truth. 0 seconds of 35 minutes, 12 seconds 3. All the fish: I went to this girl's party the week after she beat the shit out of my friend. While everyone was getting trashed, I went around putting tuna inside all the curtain rods and so like weeks went by and they couldn't figure out why the house smelled like festering death. They caught me through this video where these guys at the party were singing Beyoncé while I was in the background with a can of tuna. 4. How to win at video games: When I was little, I would go on Nickelodeon.com all the time and they had this game similar to Club Penguin, except it was called Nicktropolis. And if you forgot your password, a security question you could choose was "What is your eye color?" and if you got it right it'd tell you your password. So I would go to popular locations in Nicktropolis and write down random usernames who were also in those areas, and then I would log out and type in the username as if it were my own and see which of these usernames had a security question set to "What is your eye color?" (Which was most of them, since it was easy and we were all kids). I would then try either brown, blue, or green, and always get in, then I would go to their house and send all of their furniture and decorations to my own accounts. And if I didn't want it, I could sell it for money. 5. Drama at my drama class: One time my drama class's teacher had gone home sick so we were just put in a classroom with a movie to entertain us for the period when an alarm went off. None of us were sure if it was the fire alarm or the lockdown alarm, so we all head out into the hall to check and no one's out there, so we head back in and climb under our desks as is lockdown procedure. Cut to an hour or so later when a teacher bursts in and nearly dies of relief because the school was on fire and we were the only students not accounted for and half the faculty and fire department had been searching for us for ages. Literally, the whole school had filled with smoke while we'd kept super safe under our wooden desks. 6. I drew a penis with a glue stick on the whiteboard: My whole class once got detention because I drew a penis with a glue stick on the whiteboard and when the teacher went to wipe off the board all the fluff came off and stuck to the glue. I never got in trouble for it because my whole class found it too funny to tell the teacher it was me. 7. The day my teacher stole my headphones: During my sophomore year of high school, we were doing silent work and my history teacher said that we could listen to music but if it was too loud he would "break our headphones." so I'm doing my work quietly with my music on low, and this obnoxious kid sitting next to me had his music really loud. I could hear it over my music but ignored it. My teacher thought it was me. So he comes up to me & ripped my BRAND NEW Apple headphones, looking ruthless. He suddenly realized it was the guy next to me and he was completely embarrassed. He came in the next day with a new pair and an apology note taped to them. He couldn't look me in the eye for the rest of the year. 8. Oh—semen: When I was in high school, I was pretty quiet around people who weren't my friends. The high school's wrestling coach also taught geometry, and he was my teacher. This resulted in a lot of wrestlers skipping class and barging into our classroom to hang out and not get in trouble. One day, seven wrestlers come in yelling about new wrestling uniforms, and how excited they were. When they go over and pull out the uniforms, the whole class is kind of side eyeing them. Even without what I mention next, the suits look funny. I mean, it's tight royal blue Spandex with a suspender style top. Absolutely funny already. But the wrestlers grab the uniforms and rush out of the room to go change in the bathroom, and come back to show them off. Which, is also hysterical because Spandex hides NOTHING; you could see all of their junk. Anyway, we live in a town called Ocean City. It's commonly abbreviated as "OC". On the back of the Spandex uniform, it says Ocean City Men in large letters. Except... they used the abbreviation. On the back, it says OC MEN. Which isn't awful, but then I sound it out in my head. OC MEN. Oh—semen. I almost spit out the water I was drinking. I looked around frantically, trying to find out who I can tell, because I didn't have any friends to tell in this class. I turn to the girl next to me, and I had no idea who she was and had never talked to her before. I told her what I found and we both cracked up. The whole time she saw me as the quiet teacher's pet who was shy as hell. The first words out of my mouth were "It says oh semen." We've been best friends for 7 years now. 9. Ow, my shit!: When I was a kid, I was always excited to learn new vocabulary. When I was in first grade, my teacher taught me that "shin" was another word for leg. Later that day, I was walking with my mom, when I tripped and hit my leg on the ground really hard. I yelled out "OW, MY SHIN" although my mom heard "OW, MY SHIT." She started yelling about how that was a bad word and we didn't say that word, and she was going to wash my mouth out with soap. I was a crying, bawling mess of a child, to the point I was doing that weird cry, stutter, hiccup noise. She paused in berating me and said "Who taught you that word?!" Of course, I told the truth and said "M-m-my teacher t-t-t-taught me that word!" and she started ranting about how she was going to call the school and get that teacher yelled at. I tried to explain, "T-te-teacher said that shin meant leg I'm SO SORRY ILL N-N-NE-ne-never say it again." My mom got quiet and realized her mistake. "...What did you say?" Of course I started crying harder and I said "NO it's just a test you're going to wash my mouth out with soap again." When I finally calmed down enough to say it again, my mom apologized and to this day I always say "shin" loudly just to see her face blush. 10. I swear to God he levitated: I have a friend who I've known since I was very little. One day, when he was six, I was at his house when he got this absolutely god-awful stomach pain. I mean, he was literally writhing in pain. So, his mom took him to the doctor's office, where the doctor took one look and told her to take him to the ER. She feared something along the lines of an intestinal rupture. About half way to the hospital, my friend suddenly let rip the loudest, most powerful fart any of us had ever heard. I swear to God he levitated. We thought the upholstery in the car seat had ripped. After a good 30 seconds of intense farting, he looked at his mom and said, "I feel all better now!" 11. We don't have a ****ing doorbell: So a couple years I moved out of state with a boyfriend. Was super excited about it but with reason had anxiety about being so far from friends and family. One of the ways my anxiety was coming out was with nightmares and night terrors. I'd wake up violently sitting up in a cold sweat, gasping and whatnot. On one particular night I had woken up the sound of our doorbell ringing. Which at 4 in the morning is ****ing nerve wracking. So I shook my boyfriend fully awake and told him I heard the doorbell and to go check it because I was scared. He quickly jumps up. Puts on clothes and grabs a bat. Goes all the way to the front door and opens it. I, scared shitless, am peeking around the corner watching it all go down. I see him step outside and I nervously await the verdict of the situation when I hear him call out to me. "Babe?" And I respond real shaky, "Yes?" He stands in the doorway with a real frustrated tired look in his eyes and says, "We don't have a ****ing doorbell." 12. The whole school thought I was going to star on Drake and Josh: In second grade, I told everyone that I was leaving school before next semester to move to Hollywood to play Megan's cousin from Vermont on Drake and Josh. At first I just told my best friend, but then the whole school found out. I had people coming up to me and asking me for my autograph and a teacher even asked for a picture with me. When I showed up on the first day of school in third grade, I told everyone that the show was going off the air after the season finished (even though I had no knowledge of when it was ending), and so they wouldn't need me. AND THE SHOW ENDED AFTER THAT SEASON AND EVERYONE BELIEVED ME UP UNTIL LIKE 6TH GRADE BUT NOW MY BEST FRIEND WILL NEVER LET ME FORGET ABOUT IT AND I'M SO ANGRY. 13. Classroom Chaos: So in 8th grade I used to read during class a lot. At the time I was reading an Artemis Fowl book, and for some reason I had two copies of the same book. So one day in my English class we were reading this other book (which I had already finished reading three days earlier), I was reading my own book and when it was finally my turn to read, I had no idea where we were. So the teacher took my book away, I found my spot, read the part and passed it to the next person to start reading. So after I read my part, I took out my second copy of Artemis and picked up right where I left off. Skip a few minutes ahead, gets back to my turn to read, and again I don't know where we are. So teacher takes a look at me, sees the book in my hands, then back to her desk obviously confused for a second. But shrugs it off knowing it's me she's dealing with (I've caused similar problems like this before), takes my second book and puts it on her desk, and makes me read my part. Now my friend that sat two chairs down from me was also reading Artemis at the same time as me and with a quick look to him he knew exactly what I was planning. He took it out and passed it over without hesitation. I opened to a random spot and just pretended like I was reading. (At this point it was just to mess with my teacher.) So skip forward again and my teacher sees me with the book again and says, "How many of those do you have?" I gave my smartass remark as "enough." She took away that book, too. But now at this point I was out of books, and the rest of my class knew it. But the teacher didn't know I was out. So she continued with her lesson and another friend of mine took two of her books and switched out two of the Artemis books on her desk to make them look like they were still there. He passed the books slowly around the room, one at a time, until they were back to me. Then I took one out, opened to a random spot and just kept it open, waiting to get caught. I silently signaled to a few people in class and they started laughing. The teacher looked at what they were laughing at and saw me with yet another book. She looked at her desk where there were seemingly 3 Artemis books and saw me with a 4th. She took it, walked back to her desk, put it down, turned around, and saw me with the second book that got taken back on my desk!!! The teacher thought she was going to win this game but underestimated my teamwork with my classmates. So the second she came over to me to take the seemingly 5th book, another classmate took back the other two books from her desk and split them up—sending one to me one way, and the other another way. The teacher was very flustered and laughing hysterically at this point and there was no more teaching going on. The entire class was also going ballistic trying to see who would win. It was just a game of "How many books does this one 8th grader have?" So at the end of the class she thought she had taken 11 books from me. I took pity on her and told her what was really happening. I told her that I had already read the first book, and all the teamwork that went on. We were both laughing and making jokes. In the end she agreed to let me read my own books as long as I kept track of the actual book we were reading. (Meaning, I ask the person next to me tell me when it's my turn and they point out my spot to read so I don't actually have to keep track.) 14. Victoria's no longer a secret: So my oldest brother Ethan doesn't like wearing pants while at home, he wears boxers (because he's a gentleman) but REFUSES to wear pants. So one day we're all just chilling on the couch when Ethan comes in wearing his boxers. My younger brother Eric asks if he can take off his pants too and Ethan says yeah, just make sure you have clean underwear on. Eric leaves the room, goes upstairs, comes back 3 or 4 minutes later without pants in my underwear, and not just any underwear; Victoria's Secret, MY VICTORIA'S SECRET (only girl in the family). Ethan is laughing his ass off, Nate (next oldest brother) is rolling on the floor, and I'm just sitting there like WTF. My dad chooses the best time to come in with guests, when one of his 10 year old sons is standing in the living room wearing his only daughters frilly Victoria's Secrets, his oldest isn't wearing pants, and the other two sons are on the floor dying. The neighbors haven't come over since. 15. My favorite teacher: One time in 6th grade we were at recess and while I was running to my friends, I just so happened to kick a HUGE rock (keep in mind, I was wearing flip-flops so it hurt like hell) and without thinking, I shouted at the top of my lungs "MOTHER****ER!" And with my god-awful luck, my math teacher was sitting at the bench right BESIDE ME. He then took me inside to what I thought was yell at me but he just couldn't stop laughing and sent me back outside with a literal candy bar. He is still my favorite teacher I've ever had. 16. Lotion boy: One time in my chemistry class, while the teacher was talking, this guy asked loudly, "Does anyone have any lotion?" The teacher stopped talking as some girl gave him some hand lotion. The guy proceeds to slowly rub the lotion on his face as the whole class watches him in confusion. The teacher asks him what he's doing, and he responds with "I forgot to moisturize this morning" and puts even more on his face. The teacher asks him to go to the hall to finish his moisturizing because he's being a distraction, and after about 10 minutes he still hasn't come back in, so someone opens the door to check and he's still smearing lotion all over his face. He finally comes back in and hands the girl her lotion, and he's used up half of it. Now people call him lotion boy. 17. I never got to eat my Pringles: Okay, so this was in fourth grade, and I was in this class with all these ******* kids. Here's the back story: My parents usually pack me fruit for a snack, but on this day they packed me like half of the leftover Pringles from the day before, you know, in that cylinder container. I was really excited since I LOVE PRINGLES. But when recess came around so I could take MY Pringles and go eat it outside, they weren't in my bag. I started scoping the area, trying to find my Pringles. I call the teacher, she tries to find them but she can't either. Than this thought comes to my mind—What if MOIRA STOLE IT? Moira was this chubby girl in my class that literally ALWAYS wore this purple princess dress that should be classified as a bad Halloween costume (seriously) and was known for being a bitch. Being the judgmental 9-10 year old I was, I straight out concluded that she must've stolen my damn Pringles. I just tell my teacher, "Well too bad, I'll just go out for recess now. It was just PRINGLES." Being a little angel. So I stomp out of the class and start searching for Moira. I'm talking checking areas, finding witnesses, wasting my time. So after a solid 10 minutes, I find a group of these kids crowded at the side of one of the portable classrooms. I rush over to see what it is. The kids were eating Pringles. Barbecue flavored Pringles. MY PRINGLES. I start raging as I smack the Pringles out of the kids' hands and start ripping people away from the main source. And in the middle of all the kids, sat a smug looking MOIRA with my PRINGLES. I look all mad and rip the BLOODY EMPTY CONTAINER OF PRINGLES OUT OF THE DAMN BITCH'S FILTHY HANDS. By now even ******* Moira knows what's up, she's a goner. I would've murdered her at the very least, but a supervisor saw us and ran over. Moira was forced to apologize and I was forced to accept her damn apology. I never got to eat my Pringles. To this day I'm sure she fears my cold dead hands, ready to rip her lying face off. 18. Why my parents can't take me seriously: So one time I was home alone and it was around dinnertime when I decided to make myself something to eat. I opened the freezer and dug around until I found what appeared to be chicken nuggets in an unopened plastic bag that for some reason, didn't have any cooking instructions. Thinking that my parents must have thrown away the box for box tops, I called my mom to ask how long and at what temperature to cook chicken nuggets. She told me both of them, I laid out about 20 on a tray and stuck it in the oven, setting the timer before I walked out of the kitchen. When it was almost time to get my chicken nuggets, I walked into a cinnamon scented kitchen. I searched all over that kitchen, trying to find the cinnamon scent, leading me to the oven. I decide to turn on the oven light to see if maybe my mom had stuck some cookies in the oven and forgot to bake them, but instead, I find that the tray my chicken nuggets were on has cookies on it instead! As I'm trying to process what just happened, I hear the front door open and my mom shout delightedly, "Ooooo what's that smell?" She walks into the kitchen and catches my confused expression. That's when the spark ignited and she realized exactly what had happened. Somehow in some form, I had accidentally baked snickerdoodles. And that is why my parents can never take my cooking seriously. 19. Painting a roller coaster: So in my junior year of high school I got a project to make a roller coaster for my physics class. Everything was going fine until the day my partner and I had to paint the thing. We were in my garage spray painting the tubes and these two guys come marching up to the house across the street and start yelling at the top of their lungs, beating on the door. Now let me say in my defense the neighborhood I lived in was in south Dallas and it's still not a safe place. Well I called the police, closed the garage and parked myself in front of the dining room window. Long story short the police showed up in full gear broke down the door and brought out the two boys at gunpoint. And that's the story of how my entire block found out that the abandoned house had new owners. 20. Jellyfish fiasco: So when I was like 9 I went to this aquarium thing and it was a pretty amusing trip overall. But then suddenly I just kind of saw these jellyfish without any tentacles floating around in the water and was like "oh cool." The next day at school, the teacher asked us what we had done over the weekend. Now normally I never raise my hand. But I did this time. I ****ing did it this time. The worst possible time. So I raised my hand and everyone was obviously shocked to see my hand up in the air so the teacher said "yes?" and after confirming the fact that she picked me I said "I saw this jelly fish in the aquarium and I thought it was really cool because it didn't have any -testacles-." and then like the classroom just emerged with so much laughter and I had no clue what was going on so I pleaded my friend to explain what was so funny I mean even THE TEACHER WAS LAUGHING AND I WAS GOING WTF. So eventually my friend explained to me (it literally took 2 hours of convincing) and then ofc I was pretty embarrassed but the thing is the ****ing teacher then asked me if she could tell this to the other teachers and that's the story of how I switched schools. 21. Eighth grade games: So when I was in the eighth grade, science class was the most boring hours of my life. Everyone would play games on their computers (we used computers to take notes) but would play them in a super sneaky manner (volume down, looking at the board so it looks like you're taking notes, etc.). I wasn't one for playing games during class but I was soooo bored...so I searched up Pac-Man on Google and started playing (I didn't know what else to play). So I started playing and just my luck I didn't check how high my volume was....IT WAS ALL THE WAY UP. I started panicking because the game noises were excruciatingly loud. I kept playing and got eaten by a ghost almost after I pressed the start button (my hands were shaking like crazy)....my strict science teacher looked me straight in the eye.. 22. I literally "fell" for him: Since my crush sits behind me in class, when we stood up to do the pledge I stood up too fast and I stumbled over to him so to not fall on the ground I reached to grab his desk but I accidentally GRABBED HIM and I ended up falling on top of him and we both screamed. Luckily I didn't hurt or crush him. My teacher and everyone else started laughing and I got so red afterwards. Now when we stand up for the pledge, he moves all the way to the back of the room away from me... 23. 5th grade teacher: In fifth grade, my teacher loathed me. She would do anything to make me cry and sent me to the principle's office any chance she got. Don't believe me? I'm left handed. So still, to this day, I get my hands confused. On this particular day, we were doing the Pledge of Allegiance and I had put my left hand to my chest (it's supposed to be your right hand over your heart). She got mad at me, telling me that I wasn't being 'patriotic' and sent me to the principal's office. The principal and I were quite aquatinted at this point and so I told her why I was sent back to her office again, and she laughed. And laughed. I didn't find it funny at all, I mean all the kids in my school thought I was a delinquent so they didn't want to be my friend. My principal wrote on the back of my hands, L and R. What I didn't realize was that she wrote L on my right hand and R on my left hand. She did the same to hers. Then, she walked me back to the classroom, and made our whole class redo the Pledge with our 'right' hand, with me leading the class, and it was one of the happiest moments of my elementary experience. 24. In the closet: OK, so one time when I was really little I had a best friend who was kinda strange but so my mom got a call one day asking if she was over at my house because they couldn't find her and so they call again about two hours later to ask if we could help look for her and so about three hours of looking we had basically covered the entire neighborhood and they were about to call the police and we decided to check their house one more time and my mom went into her room and found her completely naked and sleeping on the top of a super tall shelf in her closet. 25. Cringey!: My best friend and I are super weird, and whenever either of us see an attractive person we tend to take a picture of them and send it to each other, because why not? Anyway, I was on a cruise ship with my grandparents, and I spot this super cute guy a couple years older than me. Naturally, I freak out a little, & I whip out my phone. Bare in mind I'm sat next to my grandparents in the middle of a crowded lobby. So I open my camera, take a picture- and guess what? THE ****ING FLASH WAS ON, WASN'T IT? I make eye contact with thus cute guy, look at my Grandparents who both look extremely disappointed, and a few other people are looking at me. Obviously I left the room immediately. 26. Sporting goods: So I have this health teacher who is really insane about exercise. This woman has done ironman triathlons, and talks about going to the YMCA at 5:00am. Yeah she's crazy. Basically we have this project to pick a health goal to do for a month. Things like drinking water or doing squats. For that you need some motivation so we were talking about physical things to reward ourselves with. She decided to tell us about her sporting goods fetish, where she goes into a store and buys a bunch of gear like they were books. In the middle of this she suddenly goes, "I really like Dick's" Realizing what she just said, she turned red and in a more quiet voice goes, "please don't tell your parents." 27. How bugs feel: When I was about 5/6 my mom and stepdad bought my sister and I bikes for Easter. After church they were like "do you wanna learn how to ride them?" And I was like??? Duh?? I had finally gotten the hang of it and I was riding around the circle showing off, and my mom was like "say cheese" so I look over at her for a second and I ****ING RAM INTO A CAR AT FULL SPEED. A parked car that I didn't even see, like at all, so I just rammed into this car and I fell off my bike and I was crying and all I could think about was "this must be how bugs feel" like they're flying around living life and then SPLAT. Looking back that was my first existential crisis 28. In dreams: I've always had super vivid dreams and it takes me a while after waking up to realize that they're not real. Sometimes, it's a disappointment but generally I just forget about it and move on. Now, in 6th grade I had one really close friend who I never actually got into a fight with. One night, I had a really vivid dream where my friend and I had this huge falling out over something that I can't even remember now. I was really good at holding grudges because I was not a forgiving child, so for three weeks I completely ignored my best friend in anger to the point where she started crying in front of the teacher and he asked what was going on. Of course, as I'm telling the story I realize the events were super weird and that it was all a dream. I fall silent and just look at my friend who's still extremely upset and don't know what to say because I had ****ed up so badly. 29. Sniffing candles with my best friend: So my best friend and I were in a super market and there were a lot of new candles. They all smelled strange so we started to think about names we could give them 'grandma's toilet cleaning agent' or sth like this. Whatever I guess we sniffed to much candles because we started laughing very hard and I lay on the floor and my best friend fell into to pasta shelf which made us laugh even more and louder and people were already staring at us. Suddenly my brother's best friend stood behind us and from this day he's thinking that I'm taking drugs. I don't. I just sniff candles with my best friend to burst out in laughter. 30. Skull lover: So I was sitting at a lecture when I feel like being stared at, and in the corner of my eye I see this really handsome guy, who's literally just staring at me. I don't think much of it and continue to listen to the professor. After the lecture the guy comes up to me, and lays his hand on head and I'm like "eeeehm, what are you doing" and he stares me dead in the eyes and says "I've never seen such a gorgeous skull" and then he turns around and leaves. Funny Short Stories 31. All glowed up: After the final bell, my friend and I were walking to our buses after school through a crowded hallway. We were talking about childhood and reminiscing about old memories, and we somehow started talking about which people became hot since middle school. My friend mentioned this guy named Keenan and I said "Yeah, he is pretty hot now," and my friend practically screamed "DUDE HE GLOWED UP SO HARD!" ("Glowed up" means I guess like someone became attractive). Anyway, right as she said that she turned her head and he was RIGHT BEHIND US (this is so so very cliché but I swear to god there he was). Anyway, right as she saw him she screamed "OH! HE'S RIGHT THERE!". And OF COURSE he heard her, but it was so awkward so he just walked past us looking down at his phone and my friend fell on the ground from embarrassment. 32. Chinese class: I took Chinese at school as a freshman. On one particular day, we didn't have anything to do in class since we had gone through the whole curriculum for the semester. Our teacher wanted us to watch a Chinese movie in that free time, and I just so happened to watch one recently on YouTube. I offered to find it, and my teacher let me use her computer, that was connected to a Promethean board so that the whole class could see what I was doing on the screen. After a couple of minutes of searching, I couldn't find the movie since I didn't know the exact title, so I logged into my YouTube account and decided to find it in my history. When I opened my history I was mortified since stupid me had forgotten that being the awkward virgin that I was at the time I had searched up tutorials on kissing and making out that previous night. The whole class was hysterically laughing, my teacher was extremely confused, and I almost cried as I scrolled past all the kissing tutorials and finally found the movie. I went back to my seat and didn't speak to anyone in class for the rest of the week. I still haven't lived it down. 33. Coca-Cola disaster: A couple years ago my friends and I were going to see a movie in the theatre at the mall. Instead of paying the ridiculous movie theatre prices for pop and candy, we decided to go to target to buy some stuff. This was when Coca Cola started to put people's names on their bottles. My friend told me she had seen a bottle with my name on it inside this bin of Coke. I was weirdly excited since I hadn't gotten one with my name on it yet. After I had bought the drink, I opened inside target, and it exploded EVERYWHERE. The pop was at least five or six feet in diameter. I watched as people passed the mess and made looks of disgust. Imagine if I had opened it inside of the theatre... 34. Panic! at the pothole: Once upon a time I had a friend that was going to a Panic! At The Disco concert and she promised me she would face time me so that I could watch with her. So she messaged me at like the middle of the night telling me to answer her FaceTime call but I was at my neighbors house (which also happened to be my cousins house) so I started running out the door and my sister followed me behind and was chasing after me. She asked me where I was going so I started running as fast as I could screaming "WE HAVE TO GET HOME, IM NOT GONNA MAKE IT! I NEED TO SEE, WHY CANT I SEE!?!" Keep in mind that it's like midnight right about now but I'm running and halfway through screaming. I stepped inside a pothole in my neighbor's lawn and completely fell in mud but I got right back up and kept running, muddy as hell, trying to get to my house while my sister was dying from laughter behind me. That's not even the sad part, the sad part is my friends phone died so I just sat there with mud all over me at the dining room table staring at my blank phone just waiting. I waited for almost two hours, refusing to take a shower even though the mud was starting to dry up. This was two years ago and to this day every time my sister sees the pothole she starts dying from laughter. 35. The toilet phase: When I was younger, around 3 or 4 years old, I had a phase of flushing things down the toilet. I would flush McDonald's toys I didn't want anymore or change I had found in my room. the biggest and most hilarious thing I ever dumped was a gallon of milk. one day I was bored and was looking around in the fridge low and behold there it was, a new gallon of milk. my tiny body dragged the bottle on the floor all the way to the bathroom. I opened the cap, let it go into the toilet, and flushed. I thought I was smart enough to let it go unnoticed but I'll never forget what my dad yelled out when he walked in. "why in the hell is the water white?!" my mom found the empty carton and just stared at me. 36. My mom's thong: One day when I was 3 I decided I wanted to be like my mom and wear "big girl" panties. I sneakily went through her drawer and grabbed the first thing I could find - a thong (I didn't know what it was at the time). She didn't know until we went to breakfast with some friends and took me to the bathroom. She still won't let me live it down! 37. Slappy trails: One time in fifth grade, I was walking back to class from the bathroom. Before I continue, I should specify two things. 1. My classroom was literally just around the corner from the bathroom, next to the lockers. 2. There was a boy that I had a crush on for the past year in my class. Now for whatever reason, I was swinging my arms around in a wild half-windmill motion. Don't ask me why, I was just filled with child-like glee I guess. So there I was, swinging my arms dramatically, then just when I got to the corner... SMACK. I had accidentally slapped someone in the face. It took me a second to realize who it was: my crush. I was mortified, but he just started laughing. To this day I can probably cite that as one of my top clumsy/socially inept moments. 38. The ramen incident: I have decided to remain anonymous to protect my identity from the foolishness. last night, I became hungry and decided to make some ramen. I removed the various packets from the bowl, added the flavor and vegetables, then put the bowl in the microwave. After about a minute or two, I realized something was wrong. A terrible burning smell had filled my kitchen. I opened the door to my microwave and...low and behold...I had neglected to add water. There was some smoke coming from the bowl. Not wanting to waste the ramen, I went to the sink and added water, which filled the room in acrid smoke for several seconds. I then returned the bowl to the microwave and cooked it for two more minutes before attempting to eat it. Well....It went okay for a little while, until I discovered a globule of blackened noodles which had turned into some sort of strange crystalline substance yet seen in nature by humankind. I had a change of heart. 39. First phone accident: When I was in the 6th grade my parents decided I should get my first cell phone because I was going to middle school now and things were different. It was a pink little slide phone where you'd slide it sideways and have the texting keyboard and all. I took decent care of my phone and never needed a replacement. Well, flash forward to Memorial Day weekend. My family and another family went camping up in Pennsylvania for the weekend. Well, one of the days we were up there my buddy, Oliver, and I decided to take the kayaks out on the lake. Genius me, decided she wanted to listen to the 4 Selena Gomez songs I had on my phone. I thought it would be a brilliant idea to put my phone in a plastic bag to protect it from the water. When we got back from kayaking I took my phone out only to find the bag was submerged in water. We had no rice or anything to save my phone so we tried laying it out to dry, not even 15 minutes later it starts down pouring destroying my phone even more. My mom ended up giving me her first flip phone which didn't even have a camera or the option to have music or photos transferred. Lesson learned. 40. Little thief: When I was around four or five I was with my mom at this store buying some Christmas gifts. as we were leaving I saw these little plushy dinosaurs that fit perfectly in my hands. I grabbed two of them and stashed one in each of my pockets. my pockets were so small that they made me look like I had two rumors on each of my hips. I still remember the rush of energy I got from actually leaving the store undetected. well, when my mom and I got to the car, she found them and called the store back and made me apologize. I had the absolute worst social anxiety when I was a kid so I was a absolutely sobbing, telling this poor employee how horrible a person I was. like I was having a mental breakdown, it was so bad my mom apologized to me afterwards and bought me a nice milkshake! 41. Driver's license: So I was at the local DMV to get my driver's license when my dad pissed off the lady at the counter. turns out she was the lady that had to do the actual road test with me. We get in the car and I thought I was doing pretty well, until she starts freaking out? She has me pull over, tells me I'm the worst drive ever. after yelling at me, she demands I go back to the DMV. and the rest of the time she is on her phone. When we get there, there is a state trooper waiting for me. gives me a field sobriety test. Literally had to take a sobriety test when I tried to get my license. At least I passed one test that day. 42. That one time I got lost: So about a year ago, I was in Phys. Ed class, and we went around the neighborhood for a jog at the beginning of each class. I hadn't done it before because of medical reasons, but the teacher evidently forgot about it. I'm incredibly bad with directions and easily distracted, so I lost sight of the rest of the group and went completely the wrong way. I ended up being lost for TWO AND A HALF HOURS. the best part is that I single handedly changed my school's Phys. Ed policy. 43. Popcorn: My sister, mother, and I were waiting in a long line at the Sam's Club food court. The entire time I was waiting, I was mentally rehearsing what my order would be "one slice of cheese pizza please", my mind was repeatedly screaming at me. when we got up to the cashier to pay, I got distracted by his cuteness so instead of asking for the pizza, I confidently said "one popcorn please", which SAMs Club food court has none of. Once I realized my mistake, I screamed out "noooo", loud enough for 50 people to look at me. embarrassed, I ran away and my mom and sister had to bring me the slice of pizza from my finding place in the freezer section. To this day, I beg people to order for me when anyone remotely attractive is working the cash register. 44. 50 shades of butt: So to begin my story I should tell you that I work at a Medical Spa as front desk and my job entails mostly computer and customer service related tasks. however, I am also there to assist the on shift technician, obviously not with the lasers as I am not certified, but with well...helping shaving clients to prepare them for their treatment. So this particular Saturday I was asked to help shave a client's back, which was fine it's part of my job and I just needed to be professional about it and it's something I've unfortunately had to do before as well so no big deal right? wrong. So I do the usual I put on my gloves grab a razor and begin assisting the tech however much to my surprise (and displeasure) the tech suddenly pulls down the client's pants and underwear to which I am greeted with a hairy behind. It is all I can do in my power to keep from laughing from sheer shock. I'll spare you the details but let's just say it was not totally normal colored...trying to stay professional I then had to proceed and hold the clients butt cheek taunt to shave it. I finished as through and quick as I possibly could and booked it the hell out of the room. Later when I had to book the clients next appointment neither of us could look the other in the eye because of that traumatizing encounter. I will probably never be able to live down the moment I looked at the multicolored butt right in the crack. 45. Thanks, Mrs. Miller, you the best: One time way back in sixth grade math class I had to fart really bad. Me being the idiot that I am decided that it would be silent. Big surprise it wasn't. The only person talking was the teacher and she was interrupted by freaking cannon fire farts. She said she was disappointed I couldn't hold it in and proceeded to tell a story of how she taught a famous athlete who did nearly the same thing. 46. Weed birthday: Last year, during class, my algebra teacher let us listen to music while we did our classwork and whatnot. So, I was just jamming, being super confused on this one problem and I look up from my paper to ask my friend how to do it and EVERYONE is intensely looking back and forth between me and another girl with their fingers on their noses. As you can imagine, I was super confused. So, naturally, I also put my finger on my nose. Everybody yelled "OHHHHHHHHHH" and turns out, it was a "nose goes" thing and the other girl had to ask the teacher if she'd ever smoked weed on her birthday because it was 4/20... 47. That time in freshman year: So I was always the person who'd try to leave class really fast so I wouldn't always being paying attention to some very crucial surroundings. So I'm sitting in math class where our teacher makes us put our book bags against the wall to the side of the room. The bell rings and being that kid that wants to get out I don't bother putting all my stuff away and I just grab my RED backpack and I'm gone. I get all the way to my science class and set the book bag at my desk when LO AND BEHOLD it's not my backpack. It's another ALSO RED backpack that I had mistakenly took in my rush to get to science. So I have this mini freak out at my friend Seth sitting next to me. As a freshman and quite socially inept I decide not to really do anything about it until lunch which was next block. I had some paper in my arms from last class so I decided to use those and figure out everything during lunch instead of making a scene at like literally the first week of my high school career. So we go into science class and since it's the first week we're always doing the scientific method lesson before anything else. My teacher asks the class for a problem we can apply to it right? Well guess who raises his hand? SETH. Now my teacher adored Seth so he gets called on and you know what his answer was?? "what if you accidentally stole someone's backpack? like, you thought it was yours and you didn't mean to take it" and my teacher was like why don't you tell me more about this so Seth goes "oh it's not my problem it's HERS" and POINTS TO ME. Complete mortification. and even then my teacher was confused thinking I had just come up with the problem but no. only if. I hold up the stolen backpack and my teacher had the most dumbfounded look like I have never encountered someone that failed at life more than you. so he calls my math teacher yada yada I get my backpack. the worst part? We ended up continuing with that scenario and took notes on the scientific method using the very problem that I had created. my hypothesis? If I wasn't a complete fail then I'd be able to get my own bag properly. 48. Virtual-reality self-prostitution: I used to play a game called Phantasy Star Universe and I would be my own pimp AND my own hoe. I had my main account (let's call him Dudeman) and my hoe account (let's call her Galchick). so there was like the main floor area and people would like try to sell nudes for money (in-game, not IRL) and I was like "nobody actually does that... do they?" so I made Galchick and I took off her clothes so she was in her underwear, and then I said ONE thing on the main floor and some guy took the bait right away. he invited me back to his house and I was like "omg I'm sorry, I'm new to this! how do you transfer money?" and he did it to show me how... and then he asked for my character to teabag his and moan into the mic, and I was like a 15 year old boy, so instead... I just blocked him and took the money. that's when I realized my one, true calling. I did it for months and I'd transfer the money from Galchick to Dudeman and all my friends wondered how I had super good gear. I miss that game everyday... 49. A full sun: After an exhausting, weeklong festival I was getting a lift back home in a car full of my friends. We were coming up over a mountain road with a really beautiful ocean view just at sunset. I'll never forget the outburst that followed when I said "wow it's so beautiful, and it's even a full sun!" I momentarily forgot that only moons have phases, and that the sun is generally always 'full' ... my friends have never let me live it down. Funny Stories 50. Socially awkward fail: So one day I was walking around, just chilling with my friends when I see this guy reading a book. He was new there but the book was a book I read and LOVED. So naturally I approach this boy hoping to make a new friend and bond over the series. Being the socially awkward fail I am I planned out ahead of time what I'd say: "Hey, we've [my friends and I] wanted to come over to say hi cause I say you were reading a book I liked and I hope we can talk more in the future." But no. Once we got to him I panicked and just had to blurt out "We've come to hello you." and I think my voice cracked and I almost started to cry. Never gonna talk to them again. 51. Don't sit on cold ground: So a couple weeks ago, me and my friends were sitting on this cement kind of pedestal (as we called it) It's basically the steps up to the portable. (classroom that no one uses) and this weird supply French teacher comes up to us and says: you shouldn't be sitting on this ground, it's too cold and it's bad for your ovaries. I asked her how or why and she said that if children sit on cold ground their ovaries will freeze and that we won't be able to have kids. Now it's an inside joke between us about not sitting on cold ground. 52. Gay teacher: So about a year ago we had to do a speech about something we were passionate about. These would then be recorded to put on the school website. I decided to do one about gay rights as it was not yet legalized in my state. I decided to mention that I was gay during the speech, which wasn't that much of a surprise to people. In the end it went really well. Then a couple of hours later, during lunch I was walking past the staffroom to get to the lunch hall when I heard my speech being played, being curious I stopped and I heard them replay "I am gay myself actually" a couple of times over. Out of the corner I could see my 6th grade teacher give my computer studies teacher 10 dollars. Then suddenly, I sneezed really loudly, the teachers turned around and saw me standing there. My 6th grade teacher has pretty much gotten over it but my computer studies teacher refuses to make eye contact with me. 53. Foreign student trauma: When I first moved from Lithuania to America I was 5 years old and didn't speak any English. On the first day of kindergarten I was crying so much that my teacher picked me up and let me sit on her lap, meanwhile the rest of the kids sat on the carpet in front of me and watched me cry while she explained to them what was going on (in a language I didn't understand). Our school was 3 buildings put together, and the pick up was at the "blue" building but my classroom was at the "red" building, so they put a sign over my neck that said "I don't speak English and I'm going to the blue building" and sent me away to follow a crowd of other kids. I'm still traumatized... 54. His face looks like the best chair: So there's this really hot kid in my creative writing class. And everyone knows I like him. But one day, he walked in looking like a freaking GQ model, and I accidentally out loud whispered "Shit, his face looks like the best chair" and the girl who sits in front of me turned around and said "WTH, that's freaky and gross" and she moved her seat. She gives me weird looks every time she sees me now. 55. Never wear a dress in Chicago: So when I was younger, my aunt was kind enough to invite me to come along with her to Chicago for my cousin's paintball tournament. I had never been to Chicago before, so naturally I had to go see the big city. Just like any other girl, I wanted to get all dolled up before walking around in front of people. I wore an extremely soft red dress that I was in love with, and some wedges. One thing that Chicago has plenty of is vents, and I ignored them because the ones in my city are never on. This was a mistake, because I just so happened to walk over one that was on. Only to be met with steam hot enough to burn leg hair off, and my dress being blown up to my neck around hundreds of other people. 56. SonofabitchAdam: I used to babysit this little boy who was a real handful. He was always in trouble and it seemed like every time his dad had to call him it went like this... Dad finds disaster left by Adam. Dad yells out, "Son of a Bitch! Adam!" One day I have to pick up Adam's older brother at school. A Catholic school. His teacher, a nun, sees adorable little Adam with his chubby cheeks and face like a cherub and asks him his name and he answers flat out, "SonofabitchAdam." 57. As it turns out, I am gay: When I was around 9 years old I was starting to get confused about my sexuality so I would always look up "Are You Gay" quizzes on our family computer because I was scared and confused, and my mom eventually saw the searches in the history and confronted me about it. I lied about it and said I had accidentally clicked an ad. As it turns out, I am gay. January Nelson January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. 3,155,595 MORE FROM THOUGHT CATALOG Hookup Culture and Situationships Present Unique Risks to Women, Doctors and Therapists Say Hookup Culture and Situationships Present Unique Risks to Women, Doctors and Therapists Say Apple TV+ Series 'Platonic' Nails True Friendship With a Healthy Dose of Hostility Apple TV+ Series 'Platonic' Nails True Friendship With a Healthy Dose of Hostility The Apple TV+ Series 'Platonic' Starring Rose Byrne and Seth Rogen Draws Inspiration From an Event in the Writers' Lives The Apple TV+ Series 'Platonic' Starring Rose Byrne and Seth Rogen Draws Inspiration From an Event in the Writers' Lives Why Ursula of 'The Little Mermaid' Is the Best Disney Villain Why Ursula of 'The Little Mermaid' Is the Best Disney Villain The '80s and '90s Musicals 'Schmigadoon!' Season 3 Must Parody To Satisfy Broadway Lovers (If Greenlit) The '80s and '90s Musicals 'Schmigadoon!' 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¿Te acuerdas de la secuencia en que la chica maneja un camión? - Sí. ¿Qué pasa con eso?

Remember the sequence when the girl is driving a truck? - Yes. What about it?

Triangular sequence

The triangular number sequence is the representation of the numbers in the form of equilateral triangle arranged in a series or sequence. These numbers are in a sequence of 1, 3, 6, 10, 15, 21, 28, 36, 45, and so on. The numbers in the triangular pattern are represented by dots. The sum of the previous number and the order of succeeding number results in the sequence of triangular numbers. We will learn more here in this article. Triangles Sequences And Series Class 11 Important Questions Class 11 Maths Chapter 9 Sequences Series What is Triangular Number? A triangular number Tn is a figurative number that can be represented in the form of an equilateral triangular grid of elements such that every subsequent row contains an element more than the previous one. Triangular Numbers Sequence List Of Triangular Numbers 0, 1, 3, 6, 10, 15, 21, 28, 36, 45, 55, 66, 78, 91, 105, 120,136, 153, 171, 190, 210, 231, 253, 276, 300, 325, 351, 378, 406, 435, 465, 496, 528, 561, 595, 630, 666, 703, 741, 780, 820, 861, 903, 946, 990, 1035, 1081, 1128, 1176, 1225, 1275, 1326, 1378, 1431, and so on. Sum of Triangular Numbers In the pattern of triangular numbers you will see, the next number in the sequence is added with an extra row. Let us explain in detail. First number is 1 In number 2, a row is added with two dots to the first number In number 3, a row is added with three dots to the second number Again, in number 4, a row is added with four dots to the third number and so on So the sequence formed here is in the pattern: 1, 1 + 2, 1 + 2 + 3, 1 + 2 + 3 + 4, and so on. Formula For Triangular Number Sequence Triangular numbers correspond to the first-degree case of Faulhaber's formula. T n = ∑ k = 1 n k=1+2+3+...+n= n ( n + 1 ) 2 Where, (n+1)/2 is the binomial coefficient. It represents the number of distinct pairs that can be selected from N+1 objects. Further, (n+1)/2 can be expressed as: ( n + 1 ) ! ( n + 1 − 2 ) ! 2 ! This can be further simplified as [n(n+1)]/2. By the above formula, we can say that the sum of n natural numbers results in a triangular number, or we can also say that continued summation of natural numbers results in a triangular number. The sum of two consecutive natural numbers always results in a square number. T1+T2=1+3=4= 2 2 and T2+T3=3+6=9= 3 2 All even perfect numbers are triangular numbers, and every alternate triangular number is a hexagonal number given by the formula: M P 2 p − 1 = M p ( M p + 1 ) 2 = T M p Where MP is a Mersenne prime. For example, the third triangular number is (3 × 2 =) 6, the seventh is (7 × 4 =) 28, the 31st is (31 × 16 =) 496, and the 127th is (127 × 64 =) 8128. (Byjus)

Espérame que yo también voy.

Wait for me, I'm coming too.

No Somos Animales

We are not animals

Nos esperando

We are waiting

Nos gustaría un plato de pulpo, unas papas fritas y unos boquerones. - Muy bien. ¿Eso es todo?

We'd like a plate of octopus, some fries, and some white anchovies. - Very good. Is that all?

How do I cook?

U.S. News and World Report LogoSkip to content MONEY Is Fast Food Cheaper Than Cooking?Personal FinanceMoneyHome Is Fast Food Cheaper Than Cooking at Home? Choose your menu items carefully and you can bring costs down for both eating out and eating in. By Geoff Williams Edited by Jennifer Ortiz Feb. 28, 2023 Save More U.S. News & World Report More Eating burgers from a fast food chain. To a large extent, whether fast food or groceries is cheaper comes down to how you spend your food budget. Are you purchasing the highest quality ingredients? Are you buying prime rib or less pricey pork chops at the grocery? Do you look for deals?(GETTY IMAGES) It's a classic question for any adult with a stomach and a wallet: Is fast food cheaper than cooking at home? And there is no easy answer. "The answer depends entirely on how much you value your time, and how much you value your health, as well as your wallet," says Chip Carter, the producer and host of a national TV show "Where the Food Comes From." "Your time is worth money, no doubt. So that has to factor into the equation. Poor health costs a lot too, so there's the flipside of that," Carter adds. Still, you worry about clearing the plates, and we'll try to clear up the mystery of whether fast food or cooking at home is cheaper. Related: Prepare for Higher Grocery Bills in These Food Categories Is It Cheaper to Cook or Eat Out? For those who want a quick and easy answer: It's generally cheaper to cook food at home than eat out. The reason so many people can get stuck on the question is the human psychology variable. People don't always spend wisely, and it isn't as if prices are always the same at a supermarket or a fast food restaurant. There's always a deal to be had, a discount to be scored - and if you can cook a meal a dozen different ways, that can mean a dozen different ways to pay for it. It's certainly possible to buy cheap fast food that costs far less than a comparable meal that you make at home. SPONSORED Meet with a Financial Advisor with U.S. News Financial Connect's Service Selecting a Financial Advisor is one of the most important steps you can take to maximize your financial freedom. The right investment plan for you is tailored to your long term needs and risk levels. Let U.S. News help match you for free with a financial advisor. For instance, at the time of this writing, you can get a McDonald's McChicken for $1.79. If you wanted to replicate that at home, without spending more than $1.79, there is simply no way that you're going to be able to make a chicken sandwich at home for a similarly cheap price, if for no other reason than chicken breasts typically come in a package, where you're paying for several chicken breasts and not just one. You'd also have to buy the bread and some lettuce. So you'd probably spend $10 to make one chicken sandwich. In other words, if you're just comparing one meal to another, you can certainly find cheap food at fast food restaurants, and you can make the argument that it's cheaper to eat out. If you're making a meal for yourself and several family members, or if you don't mind having leftovers or freezing the extra chicken you bought and having it later, then it's easy to see how going to the supermarket is going to be cheaper than going out for carryout or getting delivery. For instance, Carter says, "A bean burrito at Taco Bell costs $1.19." At the grocery store, Carter says, "I can get a pack of 10 tortillas for $2 and some vac-packed refried beans and a little shredded cheese and make 10 bean burritos at home in a few seconds in the microwave for about $6." Each burrito would cost 60 cents, and Carter asserts that he'll have a better burrito. But if you didn't want to spend more than $1.19, then, with Carter's example, you'd go to Taco Bell and not the grocery store. Overall, the more food you make at home, the math tends to work out so that your food expenses will be considerably cheaper. What Is the Average Fast Food Spending per Year? How much the average American spends a year on fast food varies. According to research conducted last year by Popmenu, which specializes in restaurant technologies, 30% of all consumers spend an average of $180 a week on restaurant food. That would be $9,360 a year for some households. On the other hand, last year, the Bureau of Labor Statistics put out a Consumer Expenditure Survey that suggested Americans spend, on average, $2,375 a year on fast food and other restaurants. Whatever Americans spend, it's a lot. How Do Fast Food Prices Stack Up Against Prices for Cooking at Home? To a large extent, whether fast food or groceries is cheaper comes down to how you spend your food budget. Are you purchasing the highest quality ingredients? Are you buying prime rib or less pricey pork chops at the grocery? Are you reading recipe blogs and constantly buying 20 different ingredients for each meal? When you go out to a restaurant, do you look at the prices or just get what looks good? Do you look for deals? If you aren't careful, both going to the supermarket or a fast food outlet can be very pricey. Still, Carter - who buys a lot of food for the TV show - says that "dollar-for-dollar, it's an easy answer. Cooking at home wins hands down." "There are huge markups on fast food. Believe it or not, grocery store prices don't have the same margin, though that's hard to imagine these days," Carter says. "Margins in farming are also very low - again, surprising but true. In most cases, rather than raise prices further for consumers, retailers ask farmers to take even more pay cuts on what they're producing. Restaurants can charge what the market will bear." It comes down to how you shop - and how you go out to eat. Yelena Wheeler, a registered dietitian nutritionist with MIDSS.org, a health and wellness website, has several suggestions for people wanting to lower their bill at the supermarket. Purchase fruits and vegetables in season. And if you want fruit or vegetables when they aren't in season? Buy them frozen, Wheeler says. "People often forget how amazing frozen vegetables can be. They can easily be added to any recipe: a quick omelet, on those breakfast-for-dinner nights, a casserole or a stir fry." Buy only perishables that you have a plan for. If you want to try out a new recipe that you saw, Wheeler suggests only doing it if you don't have a busy week ahead. If that's the case, "this may not be the week to purchase proteins and short shelf-life foods that will likely not be used." Purchase shelf stable items. Wheeler is talking grocery items like tuna, crackers, instant rice and pasta. All delicious foods that don't expire fast, so there's no rush to make sure they're consumed quickly. Explore store brands. "They are often less expensive and often come with coupons," Wheeler says. Check the discounted area of the grocery store. "They often place items that are close to expiration or the package was damaged," Wheeler says. But if it's still tasty to eat and extra cheap, it may be just what you're looking for. Read: How to Save Money When Online Grocery Shopping. What About the Time Cooking Takes? There's no doubt about it. If you're driving from work to home, it's going to be faster to stop and pick up some carryout dinner and bring it home. Or it's at least comparable to the time it would take to get home and put something in the microwave. But culinary experts have a lot of suggestions for shortening your cooking time. If you want to cook more at home, but reduce your time, try doing the following: Cook a lot. It'll save you time eventually. "The more frequently you cook, the faster you become," says Melanie Underwood, a chef and the founder of Gather Culinary, an educational center based out of New York City that offers online and in-person cooking and baking classes. Seek out help. Have your family members or friends make the meal with you, Underwood suggests. It'll go faster and be more fun. Wing it. Obviously, follow a recipe if you aren't experienced in the kitchen, but you can wing it a little. "Saving time with cooking requires someone to be flexible in the kitchen. You don't need to measure every ingredient. You can eyeball," Underwood says. Look for time-saving shortcuts. "Think smarter when you are getting your ingredients together," Underwood says. "If a recipe calls for whisking milk and eggs together, do so in your measuring cup, don't get another receptacle. That will save lots of time on dishes." What Are the Benefits of Cooking at Home? Aside from saving money, one of the best benefits about cooking at home is that you'll probably eat more healthy foods than you otherwise would. That's not guaranteed, of course. Supermarkets sell items like jelly-filled doughnuts, and you can buy plenty of processed, unhealthy foods at the grocery. Likewise, at a fast food restaurant, it isn't always bacon burgers and curly fries. You can seek out low-calorie, healthy salads and wraps, especially at fast casual restaurants. Still, as Carter says, when you cook or bake at home, you can "control the ingredients that go in - something you can't do with fast food or processed food. We decide how much oil, salt, whatever goes into what we make, so there's a huge health advantage." What Are Ways to Cut Down on Your Grocery Budget? There are a number of ways you can reduce your supermarket bill. You may want to try the following: Use everything you buy. Underwood says that's one of the best ways to save money. "What people typically throw away can usually be cooked, which is a big money saver," she says. "For instance, if you purchase a head of broccoli, you might roast the florets, but most people throw away the stalk. Don't. Use it for broccoli slaw." Underwood continues: "Are you buying carrots, radishes, or beets? Use the tops for pesto or sauté with some garlic. Cauliflower stalks, cut up and sauté or make soup. Potato skins make a great crispy treat. Instead of tossing them in the trash, fry them in a little bit of oil and sprinkle them with salt. Also, if you use recipes, know you can be adaptable in what it calls for. If a recipe calls for a small amount of two types of herbs, use one and double it. Use what you have on hand before buying more. This might be an unconventional way of saving money, but it works." Get a meat freezer. You may not be interested in spending a lot of money to eventually save a lot of money, but if you cook a lot of meals, that's an appliance that can come in very handy to store extra food. Have a "cookdown" day. That's what Carter calls batch cooking, which he does with his wife, Donna, a food editor and associate field producer on their show. They have five adult kids and grandchildren, so they're often cooking for large groups. "We'll pick a random Saturday and Sunday for a cookdown day. We might make three or four main dishes - chicken parm, pasta sauces, pat out a few burgers, put up some steaks," he says. In a standalone freezer, the Carters will store the food for later. Sometimes, he says, they'll cook the food part-way through and finish it later, "or just prep and have ready to pop in the oven or microwave." Read: Best Discount Shopping Apps. What Are Ways to Eat Out on a Budget? While it may be generally cheaper to go to the supermarket, you can still find cheap fast food. Here are some tips and techniques you may want to try to make your cheap fast food even cheaper. Just buy the main dish. If you're getting carryout and taking it home, Wheeler has an interesting suggestion. "Consider purchasing only the protein entree and not all of the sides," she says. "The protein is something that takes the most time to cook. And on days when there is no time or energy, it's the last thing one would like to do. However, sides such as steamable vegetables and instant rice are quite inexpensive and can take minutes to prepare." Along with saving money, you'll also potentially make your meal healthier. You could get the high-calorie burger you want, skip the fries and have some microwaveable vegetables for your side. And unless you're parched, you'll want to skip the drinks. Your liquid refreshments add plenty to the bill as well. Look for the value menus. Some fast food restaurants, like McDonald's, Burger King and Sonic Drive-In, have value meals where you can typically find food for a couple bucks. It may be not the healthiest fare on the menu, but it's the cheapest. Coupons in the mail. They're easy to forget about, but odds are, you're getting direct mail coupons to fast food outlets that you're tossing out when they could be helping you save a few bucks a meal. Join the restaurant's loyalty program. As you're probably well aware, if you use the restaurant's app, they'll probably send you digital coupons and alert you to various discounts. Buy restaurant gift cards strategically. There are gift card websites like Raise.com and CardBear.com, where you can buy discounted gift cards. It may not be an amazing discount, but it could save you a few bucks. If you're getting a gift card to a coffeehouse or restaurant for 8% off, the math would work out so that you're paying $46 for a $50 gift card. Just don't forget to use the restaurant gift card; plenty of gift cards end up going unused. If you're sold on frequenting your grocery store more often, keep in mind that some stores, like Kroger, will give you points to go toward buying discounted gas or other perks. The main point in all of this, however, is that it's important to pay attention to what you're buying, whether you're looking at fast food or wandering down the grocery aisle. It's when we aren't paying attention and just going through the motions of shopping that we end up paying the most. READ: Best Restaurant Apps That Get You Free Food. Restaurant Apps That Get You Free Food Stock image of someone holding a smart phone. Updated on Feb. 28, 2023: This story was published at an earlier date and has been updated with new information. Tags: money, personal finance, personal budgets, shopping, food and drink Vanguard Personal Advisor Services® Create a personalized financial plan. Start the conversation with a Vanguard advisor Learn More Interactive Brokers Interactive Brokers pays up to USD 4.58% on instantly available cash balances in your brokerage account. Open an Account Member SIPC. Restrictions apply, For more info see ibkr.com/info Get $50 when you deposit $25 or more into a new account Get Started Plynk is a service of Digital Brokerage Service LLC. Member FINRA, SIPC. https://www.plynkinvest.com/disclosures/promotions/ Active investing with SoFi makes it easy to get started investing in stocks and ETFs. Start Investing Today Robinhood Robinhood is the Platform Is Built To Be Intuitive And Accessible For Newcomers & Experts Learn More For a limited time only, get no advisory fee for 6 months + Connect Now Comparative assessments and other editorial opinions are those of U.S. News and have not been previously reviewed, approved or endorsed by any other entities, such as banks, credit card issuers or travel companies. The content on this page is accurate as of the posting date; however, some of our partner offers may have expired. Read More 7 Ways to Save for a Vacation and Tips for Planning How to Save Money by Meal Prepping 15 Best Websites to Make Money Online Your Money Decisions Advice on credit, loans, budgeting, taxes, retirement and other money matters. YOU MAY ALSO LIKE How to Exit a Timeshare BRANDFUSE ad content by Florida Atlantic University The Next Generation of Ocean Scientists at Florida Atlantic 10 Simple and Free Budgeting Tools Best Money Books for Kids Washington State's Controversial New Tax Red Flags That Could Trigger a Tax Audit Garage Sale Tips Money Savings Tips From Your Parents Best Ways to Spend Your Tax Refund 10 Money Mistakes Parents Make The Baby Bonds Bill and How It Works What Happens to Your Taxes at the IRS What Is Financial Security? 8 Ways to Manage Money Stress Legal Tax Shelters Key Takeaways From Your 2022 Taxes Fast Fashion Costs 10 Best Money-Saving Apps Gender Gap In Inflation 14 Money Habits to Start Now Automating Your Savings Load More NEWS LAW FIRMS EDUCATION RANKINGS HEALTH MONEY REAL ESTATE CARS TRAVEL 360 REVIEWS DEALS INSURANCE U.S. News & World Report About Editorial Guidelines Contact Press Advertise Newsletters Jobs Site Map Store Copyright 2023 © U.S. News & World Report L.P. Terms & Conditions/Privacy Policy and Cookie Notice/California Privacy Notice/Your Privacy Choices (Money.usnews.com)

Starvation wages

Britannica Dictionary definition of STARVATION WAGES. [plural] : money paid to workers that is not enough to pay for the things (such as food and shelter) that are needed to live. (Encyclopedia Britannica)

puesto

position

That funny feeling? Part 2

Full agoraphobic, losing focus, cover blown Genius Annotation 3 contributors Agoraphobia is the fear of crowds or public places. While this is the only time on Bo Burnham's INSIDE special that agoraphobia is directly referenced, it is an affliction that is indirectly alluded to throughout. He recorded the entirety of the special in a single room over the course of a year, seemingly in complete isolation. A book on getting better hand-delivered by a drone Genius Annotation 3 contributors This refers to the irony of a company like Amazon—which thrives on starvation wages—providing self-help books via their Prime Air delivery service. In the context of the verse, Bo Burnham may also be alluding to overcoming his anxiety in the outside world, as well as the paradoxical nature of self help books about socializing in real life being delivered by AI. Total disassociation, fully out your mind Googling "derealization," hating what you find Genius Annotation 3 contributors Derealization is a mental health issue characterized by "feelings of unreality" and disconnection from one's surroundings. It often goes hand-in-hand with depersonalization, or detachment from the self. This phenomenon may occur as a result of trauma or anxiety; the brain can no longer handle the pain of dealing with the outside world, so it doesn't. That unapparent summer air in early fall The quiet comprehending of the ending of it all Genius Annotation 2 contributors This refers to "season creep," where the timings of the seasons change over time. The consensus is that this change is the result of global warming, and is the easiest way to observe the effects of climate change. Bo refers to this as "unapparent" because, with people staying indoors due to the COVID-19 pandemic and therefore being disconnected from nature and the outdoors, most people are unaware of the changes or the negative reasons behind them. The next line addresses the result of global warming, with those who are aware of it unable to stop it, simply quietly comprehending the demise of humanity. We were overdue This annotation is unreviewed Genius Annotation 1 contributor We—humanity—might be considered "overdue" for an apocalyptic event, whether the reason is that we have ignored climate change for too long and "deserve what is coming for us" or that we have made so many predictions about the end of the world that we are "overdue" for a correct prediction. But it'll be over soon Genius Annotation 3 contributors This line refers to the previous line: "Twenty thousand years of this, seven more to go." The world makes us miserable, but it's slowly destroying itself and we will soon die of another 'disease'—i.e. climate change or global warming—environmental degradation also increases the risk of being exposed to new bacterias or viruses. This may be referencing the last song, "Any Day Now," in which Bo Burnham repeatedly says, "It will stop any day now." Ba-da-da, ba-da-da, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da This annotation is unreviewed Genius Annotation 1 contributor The irony in the song continues with the previous line, which is very pessimistic being followed by this very 'pop music'-y line, that is often used in upbeat, positive songs to signify the happiness of life. But it'll be over soon Genius Annotation 3 contributors This line refers to the previous line: "Twenty thousand years of this, seven more to go." The world makes us miserable, but it's slowly destroying itself and we will soon die of another 'disease'—i.e. climate change or global warming—environmental degradation also increases the risk of being exposed to new bacterias or viruses. This may be referencing the last song, "Any Day Now," in which Bo Burnham repeatedly says, "It will stop any day now." (Genius.com)

¡Media hora tarde! Yo no lo pienso esperar más. ¡Que se vaya a la *****!

Half an hour late! I'm not waiting for him any longer. He can go to hell!

Que pases un buen día

Have a nice day!

¿Qué pasa con el carro que acabas de comprarte? - ¿Qué pasa con él? Siempre puedo venderlo.

What about the car you just bought? - What about it? I can always sell it.

Eres muy bueno(a) para... ¿verdad?

You're really good at...aren't you?

Where does trash and recycle go?

Your Recycling Gets Recycled, Right? Maybe, or Maybe Not Plastics and papers from dozens of American cities and towns are being dumped in landfills after China stopped recycling most "foreign garbage." Give this article 387 Read in app Bales of recyclable waste in Seattle. American waste managers are struggling to find plants to process their recyclables. Bales of recyclable waste in Seattle. American waste managers are struggling to find plants to process their recyclables.Credit...Wiqan Ang for The New York Times Livia Albeck-Ripka By Livia Albeck-Ripka May 29, 2018 阅读简体中文版閱讀繁體中文版 Climate Forward There's an ongoing crisis — and tons of news. Our newsletter keeps you up to date. Get it with a Times subscription Oregon is serious about recycling. Its residents are accustomed to dutifully separating milk cartons, yogurt containers, cereal boxes and kombucha bottles from their trash to divert them from the landfill. But this year, because of a far-reaching rule change in China, some of the recyclables are ending up in the local dump anyway. In recent months, in fact, thousands of tons of material left curbside for recycling in dozens of American cities and towns — including several in Oregon — have gone to landfills. In the past, the municipalities would have shipped much of their used paper, plastics and other scrap materials to China for processing. But as part of a broad antipollution campaign, China announced last summer that it no longer wanted to import "foreign garbage." Since Jan. 1 it has banned imports of various types of plastic and paper, and tightened standards for materials it does accept. While some waste managers already send their recyclable materials to be processed domestically, or are shipping more to other countries, others have been unable to find a substitute for the Chinese market. "All of a sudden, material being collected on the street doesn't have a place to go," said Pete Keller, vice president of recycling and sustainability at Republic Services, one of the largest waste managers in the country. ADVERTISEMENT Continue reading the main story China's stricter requirements also mean that loads of recycling are more likely to be considered contaminated if they contain materials that are not recyclable. That has compounded a problem that waste managers call wishful or aspirational recycling: people setting aside items for recycling because they believe or hope they are recyclable, even when they aren't. [Here's a guide to avoiding "aspirational recycling." First lesson: Don't recycle greasy pizza boxes.] Dig deeper into the moment. Special offer: Subscribe for $1 a week for the first year. In the Pacific Northwest, Republic has diverted more than 2,000 tons of paper to landfills since the Chinese ban came into effect, Mr. Keller said. The company has been unable to move that material to a market "at any price or cost," he said. Though Republic is dumping only a small portion of its total inventory so far — the company handles over five million tons of recyclables nationwide each year — it sent little to no paper to landfills last year. ADVERTISEMENT Continue reading the main story But for smaller companies, like Rogue Disposal and Recycling, which serves much of Oregon, the Chinese ban has upended operations. Rogue sent all its recycling to landfills for the first few months of the year, said Garry Penning, a spokesman. Image Credit...Wiqan Ang for The New York Times Western states, which have relied the most on Chinese recycling plants, have been hit especially hard. In some areas — like Eugene, Ore., and parts of Idaho, Washington, Alaska and Hawaii — local officials and garbage haulers will no longer accept certain items for recycling, in some cases refusing most plastics, glass and certain types of paper. Instead, they say, customers should throw these items in the trash. Theresa Byrne, who lives in Salem, Ore., said the city took too long to inform residents that most plastics and egg and milk cartons were now considered garbage. "I was angry," she said. "I believe in recycling." Latest News on Climate Change and the Environment Card 1 of 5 Colorado River deal. California, Arizona and Nevada reached a short-term deal that would help stop the drought-strained Colorado River from running dry — for now. The breakthrough agreement keeps the river from falling so low that it would jeopardize water supplies for major Western cities as well as for some of America's most productive farmland. Predicting record heat. Global temperatures are likely to soar to record highs over the next five years, driven by human-caused warming and a climate pattern known as El Niño, according to the World Meteorological Organization. Scientists say even small increases in warming can exacerbate the dangers from heat waves, wildfires, drought and other calamities. Doubling down on fossil fuels. While Trinidad and Tobago explores greener alternatives, the island nation remains committed to its long embrace of oil and gas. At the same time, the country is feeling the effects of a changing climate, with wetter rainy seasons and dryer dry seasons. Protecting the Galápagos Islands. Ecuador announced a record-setting deal designed to reduce its debt burden and free up hundreds of millions of dollars to fund marine conservation around the Galápagos Islands, an archipelago of unique biodiversity that's famous for inspiring Darwin's theory of evolution. Nonproducing wells. Ever since the first offshore platforms went up off Louisiana 85 years ago, the Gulf of Mexico has been an oil and gas juggernaut. But decades of drilling has left behind more than 14,000 old, unplugged wells at risk of springing dangerous leaks and spills that may cost more than $30 billion to plug, a study has found. Other communities, like Grants Pass, Ore., home to about 37,000 people, are continuing to encourage their residents to recycle as usual, but the materials are winding up in landfills anyway. Local waste managers said they were concerned that if they told residents to stop recycling, it could be hard to get them to start again. ADVERTISEMENT Continue reading the main story It is "difficult with the public to turn the spigot on and off," said Brian Fuller, a waste manager with the Oregon Department of Environmental Quality. The fallout has spread beyond the West Coast. Ben Harvey, the president of E.L. Harvey & Sons, a recycling company based in Westborough, Mass., said that he had around 6,000 tons of paper and cardboard piling up, when he would normally have a couple hundred tons stockpiled. The bales are filling almost half of his 80,000-square-foot facility. "It's really impacted our day-to-day operations," Mr. Harvey said. "It's stifling me." Recyclers in Canada, Australia, Britain, Germany and other parts of Europe have also scrambled to find alternatives. Still, across much of the United States, including most major cities, recycling is continuing as usual. Countries like India, Vietnam and Indonesia are importing more of the materials that are not processed domestically. And some waste companies have responded to China's ban by stockpiling material while looking for new processors, or hoping that China reconsiders its policy. ADVERTISEMENT Continue reading the main story Image Republic Services collecting recycled materials in Kent, Wash. Republic Services collecting recycled materials in Kent, Wash.Credit...Wiqan Ang for The New York Times Americans recycle roughly 66 million tons of material each year, according to the most recent figures from the Environmental Protection Agency, about one-third of which is exported. The majority of those exports once went to China, said David Biderman, the executive director of the Solid Waste Association of North America, a research and advocacy group. But American scrap exports to China fell by about 35 percent in the first two months of this year, after the ban was implemented, said Joseph Pickard, chief economist for the Institute of Scrap Recycling Industries, a trade group. "It's a huge concern, because China has just been such a dominant overseas market for us," Mr. Pickard said. ADVERTISEMENT Continue reading the main story In particular, exports of scrap plastic to China, valued at more than $300 million in 2015, totaled just $7.6 million in the first quarter of this year, down 90 percent from a year earlier, Mr. Pickard said. Other countries have stepped in to accept more plastics, but total scrap plastic exports are still down by 40 percent this year, he said. "There is a significant disruption occurring to U.S. recycling programs," Mr. Biderman said. "The concern is if this is the new normal." Curbside recycling is typically hauled by a private company to a sorting plant, where marketable goods are separated out. Companies or local governments then sell the goods to domestic or overseas processors. Some states and cities prohibit these companies from dumping plastic, paper and cardboard, but some local officials — including in Oregon, Massachusetts and various municipalities in Washington State — have granted waivers so that unmarketable materials can be sent to the landfill. Recycling companies "used to get paid" by selling off recyclable materials, said Peter Spendelow, a policy analyst for the Department of Environmental Quality in Oregon. "Now they're paying to have someone take it away." ADVERTISEMENT Continue reading the main story In some places, including parts of Idaho, Maine and Pennsylvania, waste managers are continuing to recycle but are passing higher costs on to customers, or are considering doing so. "There are some states and some markets where mixed paper is at a negative value," said Brent Bell, vice president of recycling at Waste Management, which handles 10 million tons of recycling per year. "We'll let our customers make that decision, if they'd like to pay more and continue to recycle or to pay less and have it go to landfill." Image Credit...Wiqan Ang for The New York Times Mr. Spendelow said companies in rural areas, which tend to have higher expenses to get their materials to market, were being hit particularly hard. "They're literally taking trucks straight to the landfill," he said. ADVERTISEMENT Continue reading the main story Will Posegate, the chief operations officer for Garten Services, which processes recycling for a number of counties in Oregon, said his company had tried to stockpile recyclables but eventually used a waiver to dump roughly 900 tons. "The warehouse builds up so much that it's unsafe," he said. In California, officials are concerned that improperly stored bales of paper could become hazards during wildfire season, said Zoe Heller, the policy director for the state's recycling department. While China has entirely banned 24 materials, including post-consumer plastic and mixed paper, it has also demanded that other materials, such as cardboard and scrap metal, be only 0.5 percent impure. Even a small amount of food scraps or other rubbish, if undetected, can ruin a batch of recycling. Some waste managers say that China's new contamination standards are impossible to meet, while others are trying to clean up their recycling streams by slowing down their processing facilities, limiting the types of materials they accept or trying to better educate customers on what belongs in the recycling bin. ADVERTISEMENT Continue reading the main story Image Waste traveling along a conveyor belt to be sorted. Waste traveling along a conveyor belt to be sorted.Credit...Wiqan Ang for The New York Times Mr. Bell, the Waste Management executive, said he had seen everything from Christmas lights to animal carcasses to artillery shells come through the company's recycling facilities. "Most of our facilities get a bowling ball every day or two," he said. Some materials can ruin a load, he said, while others pose fire or health hazards and can force facilities to slow their operations and in some cases temporarily shut down. (And a bowling ball could do serious damage to the equipment.) Approximately 25 percent of all recycling picked up by Waste Management is contaminated to the point that it is sent to landfills, Mr. Bell said. Recyclers have always disposed of some of their materials. But the percentage has climbed as China and other buyers of recyclable material have ratcheted up quality standards. ADVERTISEMENT Continue reading the main story Most contamination, Mr. Bell said, happens when people try to recycle materials they shouldn't. Disposable coffee cups — which are usually lined with a thin film that makes them liquid-proof but challenging and expensive to reprocess — are an example. Unwashed plastics can also cause contamination. "If we don't get it clean, we're not going to be able to market it, and if we can't market it unfortunately it's going to go to the landfill," said Mr. Penning, the Rogue spokesman. In March, Rogue told customers to put everything in the trash except for corrugated cardboard, milk jugs, newspapers and tin and aluminum cans, which the company is finding domestic markets for, Mr. Penning said. Rogue customers who make mistakes might see an "Oops" sticker the next time they check their recycling bin, he said. In Eugene, similar restrictions have been imposed by the waste company Sanipac. These have not sat well with some residents. "Eugene is a very green city and people love their recycling here," said Diane Peterson, a resident. "There are a lot of things like yogurt containers that we get all the time, and now we can't recycle them." ADVERTISEMENT Continue reading the main story Leah Geocaris, another Eugene resident, said the change had prompted her to try to consume less overall. "On the one hand, I hate it, because I don't want stuff to end up in landfill," she said. "On the other hand, it's a wake-up call." "Recycling is the third R," she said. "You have to reduce and reuse first." Livia Albeck-Ripka is a reporter for The New York Times, currently based in California. She was previously a reporter for The Times's Australia bureau. @livia_ar (NYT)

a la parilla/plancha

grill

¡esta carta no me dejará mentir!

this letter will bear me out o confirm what I say

asar a la parrilla

to broil, grill

¿qué tal esa?

How about that one?

¿Cuánto tiempo de viaje es?

How far is it?

no puedo hacerlo

I can (can't) do it

No puedo creer que

I cannot believe that

No entiendo/No comprendo

I don't understand/ I don't comprehend

How do I accept compliments?

How to Accept Compliments Expert tips on responding to praise and feeling comfortable receiving it Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS Last Updated: April 28, 2023 References Approved Download Article Responses |Being Receptive to Compliments |Video |Tips ARTICLE VIDEO Congratulations! You've earned somebody's respect and admiration. What do you say to that? If you're flustered by praise, it's time to learn how to take a compliment at face value and appreciate the sentiment. Refuse the urge to put yourself down or minimize your efforts. Instead, acknowledge the compliment and say thank you. After all, you're worth it, right? Things You Should Know Accept a compliment with a simple, "Thank you." Or, express your gratitude by saying, "That's so sweet of you, thank you." Acknowledge your abilities graciously. Instead of saying, "Thanks, I know," say, "Thank you. I put a lot of effort into this so I'm glad you liked it." Acknowledge your strengths and accomplishments to help you accept compliments. Part 1 of 2: Responding to Compliments Image titled Take Compliments Step 1 1 Simply say, "Thank you." Don't overthink it or read into anyone's comment. If someone pays you a compliment, the easiest response is just to say "thank you."[1] For example, if someone compliments your outfit (yet you think you look sloppy), simply say, "Thank you." Don't look for "hidden meanings" or make your own interpretations of the compliment to diminish it. Accept it at face value. For example, someone may say, "Your hair looks great today!" Don't take that to mean your hair doesn't look great every other day. Express your gratitude. Whether you agree with the compliment or not matters very little. The other person's motivations also matter very little. Acknowledge that somebody spent a moment saying something nice about you and accept that moment graciously.[2] For example, if someone compliments your dog's good behavior, say, "That's kind, thank you." Give credit where credit is due. If someone pays you a compliment yet other people were involved, give them credit as well. This is especially important when receiving recognition. Give credit to anyone who helped you or contributed.[3] For example, if you are serving a meal that your sister helped prepare, make sure to include her when accepting a compliment. Say, "Thank you, Abby and I worked on it together. We're so glad you enjoyed it." Return a compliment. Remember when a person has complimented you and note that it's nice and courteous to return it. While you don't need to immediately say something nice, do keep in mind their compliment and find something to compliment them on as well. Take note of the things people do and show them recognition.[4] Get into the habit of making regular compliments through seeing the good in others and expressing this openly. People appreciate being acknowledged for hard work and kind gestures. Show that their kindness does not go unnoticed. Be gracious. Many people worry about appearing overly confident or stuck up when receiving compliments. The trick is to accept the compliment as is. Saying, "I know, thank you" can come across as rude, even though you're acknowledging your own abilities. Focus on being gracious, warm, and receptive.[5] For example, if you worked hard on your presentation and you know you nailed it, you don't have to say so when complimented. You can, however, acknowledge your hard work by saying, "Thank you. I worked so hard and it's nice to hear you enjoyed it." Demonstrate appropriate nonverbal behavior. Show that you are receptive to the compliment through your body language. Maintain steady eye contact and indicate interest and engagement through your facial expression. Crossing your arms may indicate that you're not receptive or that you're skeptical.[6] When taking a compliment, smiling says a lot without requiring you to say anything. Respond to a backhanded compliment. A backhanded compliment is an insult disguised as a compliment. For example, "Your holiday decorations look great -- I'm always amazed at what you do with so little money." Responding to a backhanded compliment can be tricky. If someone gives you a backhanded compliment, assess what they might mean from it. If they are seeking attention or sympathy, feel free to ignore it or respond to the positive part of it only. If the person appears genuinely clueless in their misstep, just say thank you and move on. For example, a family member might give you a backhanded compliment for your recent marriage. Instead of taking offense, just say "Thanks, Aunt Maude!" If the person is seeking attention (for example, saying, "You look nice today. Why don't you dress this way more often?") respond to the positive part. Say, "Thank you for noticing." Part 2 of 2: Being More Receptive to Compliments Image titled Take Compliments Step 8 1 Own your strengths. If you shy away from compliments because you don't want to appear conceited or full of yourself, recognize that you deserve recognition. It's not conceited to accept a compliment. If someone points out that you look nice or did a great job on a project, acknowledge that you put work into it and that they are recognizing you.[7] For example, if you put a lot of work into a presentation and someone says, "Great presentation!" acknowledge your hard work by saying, "Thanks! I worked hard on it." Avoid disconfirming the compliment. You might feel tempted to disagree with the comment as a way to appear humble. However, by saying things like, "It was nothing" or, "Don't mention it," you downplay your role, the compliment, and the person giving it. Besides, the person might feel rejected if you disagree.[8] For example, if someone compliments your clean house, resist the urge to say, "I haven't cleaned in a week. It looks horrible!" This might make them feel bad or that you think they are sloppy. See yourself the way that others see you. Take a moment and reflect on the compliments you receive. Whether you believe them or not, take the chance to see how others see you. You might learn something about yourself or the work you do and feel more positively.[9] For example, if you often receive compliments about your job performance, that means that other people are noticing the great work you do. Understand that your self-evaluations will tend to be harsher or more demanding than other people's evaluations of you. If you find yourself constantly second-guessing compliments, maybe there is something you need to change about your self-evaluations. Boost your self-esteem. If you feel good about yourself, you may feel good when someone else notices something positive about you. Increasing your self-esteem can make you less resistant to compliments.[10] Do this by thinking positively about yourself and recognizing your worth.[11] For example, write down the things you like about yourself and think about them when you feel low. Tips Don't change the topic without acknowledging the compliment. If they took the time to compliment you, it was likely genuine and should be handled as such. Helpful 15 Not Helpful 0 Keep it brief. Don't try to fill a loss for words with a lot of extra words that don't belong. Helpful 12 Not Helpful 0 Remember that you are just as entitled to receive compliments as everyone else. Don't try to shy away from them. Helpful 11 Not Helpful 1 This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011. This article has been viewed 972,382 times. (Wikihow)

How do I Give and Receive Compliments at Work?

How to Give and Receive Compliments at Work by Christopher Littlefield October 12, 2019 Summary. Whether you're a manager or a team member, giving and receiving compliments plays a major part in forming workplace relationships. Yet research shows that many people feel anxiety over the idea of exchanging compliments, worrying about coming off as a kiss-up or having their compliment misinterpreted. To be better at giving compliments, it's also important to become better at receiving them. These scenarios and suggestions can help anyone practice the art of giving and receiving compliments.close Whether you are a manager or an individual contributor, giving and receiving compliments plays a critical role in building and maintaining relationships at work. When done well, a compliment is one of the most powerful ways to let someone know that we value and appreciate them. Yet, these seemingly positive interactions can be surprisingly tricky to navigate for both giver and receiver alike. Some of my earliest research, published as "What to Do When Praise Makes You Uncomfortable," revealed that although the number one thing people associate with being recognized is feeling valued (88%), nearly 70% of people associated embarrassment or discomfort with the process of both giving and receiving. Although compliments should be a positive experience — and most of the time they are — in my research, I have found the process of giving and receiving compliments often brings up a lot of anxiety for everyone involved. Givers express worries of being seen as a kiss-up, having their compliment misinterpreted, or triggering jealousy in others. On the receiving end, people feel they don't deserve it, question the giver's intentions, or worry that they won't be able to produce the same result in the future. I have found there are methods of both giving and receiving a compliment that help cut through some of these barriers and make the experience more comfortable and trust-building. While it may seem counterintuitive, in order to get better at giving compliments we must first get better at receiving them. How to Accept a Compliment Your boss or coworker catches you off guard with a compliment, and what should be a moment of pride instead sends your mind spinning as you awkwardly navigate how to respond. Although our reactions to compliments may be complicated, how we respond is not. Most people don't realize compliments are often more about the giver than the receiver. When someone is complimenting you, they are actually sharing how what you did impacted them. It does not matter if you agree or disagree with what they are saying, just relate to it as a gift and accept it. The best way to respond to the kind words from a boss or coworker is to simply say "Thank you," and if the compliment made a difference, let the person know. If you find yourself diverting the person's compliment by passing the credit, making a joke, or awkwardly explaining why you don't deserve it, recover the situation by saying: "I am working on getting better at accepting a compliment. Thank you." Here are a few ways to respond to a compliment: "Thank you, it makes my day to hear that." "I really put a lot of thought into this, thank you for noticing." "Thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to express that." "Thank you, I am happy to hear you feel that way!" If the person compliments you for another person's work, redirect the compliment to the correct person: "It is great to hear you feel that way! Actually, Amanda is the one behind this project. If you have a minute, it would make her day to hear how you feel." "I would love to take credit, but John is the one responsible for this. I will share your feedback when I see him today." If someone compliments you for something that was a team effort, share the appreciation. If you are the team leader, note that the person may be recognizing you for your role in leading your people, so be sure to first take the compliment and then acknowledge the efforts of your team: "Thank you for noticing, it is really great to hear that. Everyone on our team has been working really hard on this over the last few weeks. I will share your feedback in our next meeting." It is important to keep in mind that our habitual responses to compliments have been developed throughout our lives and, as with any habit, it will take effort and practice to change. Over the next week, pay attention to how you and others react to compliments and try using some of the responses above. After a few weeks, you may find that it is not that hard to just say "Thank you!" How to Give a Powerful Compliment Knowing how to compliment and recognize others is a fundamental leadership skill. However, few of us know how to do it effectively. Over the last decade, I have interviewed and surveyed thousands of people to understand what makes a powerful compliment. I found that the most memorable and impactful messages are authentic and specific, focusing on the process they went through to produce it. Here are a few tips on how to give a powerful compliment. Be authentic. The most important part of any compliment is that your intention is authentic. Don't compliment the person to butter them up before making a request, soften the blow before giving difficult feedback, or to try and cheer them up after a mistake. If your intention is not genuine, neither is your compliment. When you are inauthentic in your recognition, people may think you are inauthentic in other areas as well. A good rule to follow is: Don't compliment someone because you feel you should; compliment them because you feel compelled to let them know how they impact you or others. Be specific. As with giving feedback or instructions, when you compliment someone, you want to share it in a way that does not leave the person with any questions. For example: "That was amazing!" (What was amazing?) "I am proud of you." (For what?) "Thank you for taking notes in the meeting." (It's my job, why are you recognizing me?) When we share, it is important to give details and examples to help the person comprehend the context of our remarks. When we are clear with our compliments, the person understands exactly what we are expressing and why. Vague compliment: "Thanks for taking notes in the meeting, you're amazing!" Specific compliment: "John, I know it is your job to take notes in the meeting, but because you do it so well, I know I can relax and focus on doing my job. Thank you." Focus on the process, not just the result. In my research, I found that people rarely want to be recognized for the result, but instead the process and effort that went into producing the result. Compliments that only focus on the result often trigger a concern in the receiver of not being able to produce the same result in the future. When recognizing someone, show them that you appreciate the time, sacrifice, creativity, or care that went into their work. "Phil, I am blown away by the event you put together for the client. I can't even imagine all the hours, work, and creativity that went into making that event happen. Thank you for everything you did behind the scenes on this project." Share the impact. Remember that a compliment is often more about the giver than the receiver. When we compliment someone, we are actually sharing how what they did impacted us. If you want to give a powerful compliment, give the person a window into what you experienced and how it impacted you or others. Consider sharing how their leadership impacts the team, their work impacts the company's results, or how their attitude impacts the team environment. "Jane, I wanted to let you know I really appreciate how you lead our team. On my last team, I never wanted to share ideas for fear of my boss shooting them down. Since day one, I watched how you encouraged all of us to speak up and share ideas, and I felt comfortable to take risks. I really enjoy working for you and feel like I am growing every day. Thank you." The Compliment Checklist The next time you feel compelled to give a compliment, before you share, pause for a minute and answer the following questions. Authentic: Why am I recognizing this person? Specific: What did I experience or observe? Process: What did it take for them to do what they did? Impact: How did their actions impact me or the team? Over time, answering these questions will become second nature as you begin to master the art of giving and receiving powerful compliments. You can begin to practice immediately. Who have you been meaning to compliment? Christopher Littlefield is an International/TEDx speaker specializing in employee appreciation and the founder of Beyond Thank You. He has trained thousands of leaders across six continents to create cultures where people feel valued every day. He is the author of 75+ Team Building Activities for Remote Teams—Simple Ways to Build Trust, Strengthen Communication, and Laugh Together from Afar. You can follow his work through his weekly mailing The Nudge. (Harvard Business Review)

Wisdom teeth

each of the four hindmost molars in humans which usually appear at about the age of twenty. (Online drf) Wisdom teeth are usually only removed if they cause problems, or are likely to in the future. There are no scientifically proven health benefits of pulling wisdom teeth that don't cause any problems. What's more, removing wisdom teeth is usually unpleasant and may cause side effects.May 7, 2020 (NIH)

a la parilla/asado

grilled

nos mintió

he lied to us

llovía, miento, granizaba cuando nos preparábamos para salir

it was raining, I tell a lie, it was hailing as we were getting ready to leave

mentiroso, mentirosa

lying; liar

Hoy no, gracias.

not today, thank you

Mentir

to lie

esas estadísticas mienten, porque no tienen en cuenta...

those statistics give a false picture o are misleading, because they don't take into account...

Octogenarian

a person who is from 80 to 89 years old. "the octogenarian is making his TV writing debut" (Online drf)

Venti

a serving of a drink of coffee measuring 20 fluid ounces. (Online def)

nube

cloud

Nublado

cloudy, overcast

chingar

to screw up; to f*ck up, vulgar

no somos

we are not

miente quien diga que hubo un acuerdo

whoever says there was an agreement is lying