Small Talk Two

whats up?

nothing

- HI, I'M DAVID. HOW ARE YOU DOING? And they reply "Good" and present themselves. (Remember: Only use the name "David" if your name is in fact "David".)

- HOW DO YOU KNOW PEOPLE HERE? They start to explain that to me. There are loads of ways they might know people. The trick is to be able to ask follow-up questions on whatever they are telling you. Here are some examples: If they met through work or school, It's a perfect opportunity to ask more about what they are working with or studying. It's natural to follow up by asking if they like it and if they have any free time, what they do on their free time and so on. Perhaps they know each other though a group or met at an event. I ask them about what type of event it was. What do they do there? Is it fun? Is it hard to learn? Who's best at it, the person I'm talking to or the friend? If they are childhood friends with someone, I might ask where they grew up. If they don't know anyone, you can build on that too. I usually ask them what brought them to the party/event. Otherwise, again, I ask them some of my universal questions:

2. NEVER COMMENT ON THE AWKWARD SILENCE This mistake is probably obvious - but because I hear people giving this insane advice regularly: Don't comment on an awkward silence! Don't use the word "awkward" when it feels awkward. It won't make anyone feel any better. Likewise, you don't necessarily need to say funny things to break the awkward silence. Instead, use any of the techniques above, such as asking whether they heard about something newsworthy, or go back to a previous subject.

3. DON'T END WITH A STATEMENT. A great way to end up in awkward silence is to drop a statement and then expect the other person to reply. It can work with someone you know well - however, if you talk to someone you don't know well, make sure to finish off your sentences with a related question.

Open with a small interaction. You might want to get to know someone, but opening with deep conversation topics out of the blue might turn people off. If you're doing a cold-approach (not reacting to something you've both observed), start small. Instead of opening with a question about life goals, just make an observation or ask for a favor: Man, the bar's slammed tonight. We'd better leave good tips! Traffic's a nightmare today! Do you know if there's an event in the neighborhood? Could you plug in my laptop cord for me? The outlet's behind you. Do you know what time it is?

Ask open-ended questions.[6] If you ask questions that have yes or no answers, the conversation could stall quickly. Instead, ask questions that encourage the conversation to open up rather than close down. For example: "What have you been up to today?" instead of "Are you having a good day?" "I've seen you here a lot. What keeps you coming back? What's so great about this place?" instead of "Do you come here often?

The key is to be able to feel comfortable within yourself, regardless of how awkward or lame or weird the situation might seem. If you feel comfortable, things will get less awkward

Be casual. Everybody there is in the mood for a good time, and unless they're wearing a scowl that says, "Don't even think about invading my personal space," the person you want to talk to is probably in the same mood.

WHERE ARE YOU FROM? If the person's from the same town as me, I ask them what area they live in and how they like it there. If they are from somewhere else, you can follow up on that by asking how they liked it there, why they moved and if they plan on moving back. There's enough stuff for an entire conversation here! People have a lot of things to say about where they live or where they come from, so I usually ask more on this subject.

DO YOU WORK/STUDY? Some say that you shouldn't talk about work when you're at a social event, and that's part true: It sucks to get stuck in job talk. But it's really helpful to know what someone is working with, as it will help you find mutual interests. And - it's often easy for people to talk about because they are familiar with the subject. If it turns out that they are unemployed, I just say something encouraging so they don't have to feel bad, like this: "So that means you can enjoy sleep-ins every morning right? Nice!" And then I ask if they spend their time on any hobbies or interests, and we'll continue the conversation talking about that. What you want to avoid is getting STUCK in job talk.

Say the magic word: "Hi." It sounds so obvious, but it's the first big barrier. You have to be willing to put yourself out there to start a conversation. I noticed that people are welcoming after you break the ice. It's not something that everyone wants to do because it takes some courage to go up to someone you've never met before and start a conversation. However, more people are welcoming than we generally expect. When you encounter someone who isn't, remember that someone else will be.

Detach yourself from the outcome. When you don't expect any outcome, you won't be disappointed or offended if someone doesn't respond to you. There's a difference between perceived outcome and what actually happens. How many times have you worried about a worst- case situation only to find out that it turned out much better than you anticipated? If I don't expect any outcome from whatever I'm doing, then I can be in the present moment and adjust accordingly.

Ask the person to explain something to you. Everyone likes to feel like they're an expert on something. Even if you know a lot about the subject you end up talking about, ask the person to explain things to you. For example, if a news event comes up, say "Oh, I saw some headlines, but didn't have time to read the article at work today. Can you tell me what that was about?" People enjoy conversations more when they feel like they have something to teach.

Don't be afraid to disagree. Finding common ground in a conversation is very important. As strange as it might seem strange, though, a good disagreement can be a great way to form a new relationship. Show the person you're trying to talk to that hanging out with you won't be boring. Engage him or her in a debate that lets each of you show off your intelligence. Keep the debates light-hearted. If you see the other person getting worked up, back off immediately. You want a good-natured back and forth, not an argument. Make sure to smile and laugh often while debating to let everyone know you're having a good time, not getting upset.

music, sports, TV, celebrities, video games, cool websites, etc

Don't be too forward--you don't want to look like you're attracted to the person.

Tolerate rejection. If they reject you, it isn't about you. It's about where they are at mentally, so don't take it personally. If they passed up on the opportunity to connect with you, then they missed out on something great.

Don't mind what strangers think. This is your life, and you have the right to talk to whomever you want to talk to. Not everyone is that open. Allow them to be how they and think how they do, without letting it challenge your courage.

Imagine that the other person is already your friend. This way you'll treat them that way instead of seeming awkward—and being comfortable around someone is the best way to start a new friendship. Take a chance today and talk to someone new. When you're friendly to someone, they'll most often be friendly back.

Fake it till you make it.[5] Talking to strangers can be intimidating and exhausting, especially when the stakes are high. If you go on a job interview or want to talk to an attractive man or woman, you might worry that everyone can see how uncertain you feel. But no one knows how nervous you are but you! Just pretend you're more confident than you actually feel, and the person you're talking to will see what you want them to see. Remember, the more you practice talking to strangers, the less you'll have to fake your confidence.

Some people opened up to me. Some people stayed shut down. Some of them continued talking about themselves when I put the spotlight on them. Others simply answered my question and left the conversation there.

For example, I learned that tone and body language are more important than saying the right thing.

Try to discover their core passion. If you see their eyes light up when they talk about something, ask more questions about that. If you find a keyword that helps you figure out their interest, try to talk about that. For example, if I asked "How's the weather?" They say, "It's nice that it's foggy since. It's better to run in it." Then you can go ahead and talk about running.

Go out and smile! Smiling gives a good first impression. Practice in the mirror. Then smile to the world. I noticed that people relaxed themselves when I smiled first. When I continued smiling throughout the conversation, they smiled back and really opened themselves up to deeper conversation.

So - trying to come up with a good opener or something smart to say will mess up your conversations. Instead, start off with really simple small talk subjects. That will make both of you more relaxed and you'll be able to get a good start to your conversation. That will make you feel more self confident when talking to people, too.

I ask simple questions. I try to genuinely get to know more about the person I'm talking to by asking follow-up questions. Throughout the conversation, I share similar bits and pieces about myself, related to what the person is saying. (So it's not like I'm performing interviews, It's more give and take).

通过提问 观察对方表现，找出对方感兴趣的话题，然后抓住这个话题讨论下去。 找出对方想说什么而不是你想说什么。

I asked people what drink they bought from the coffee shop. I asked someone about her customized bike. I asked people to share opinions on things that affected me.

I want it to go

I want cakes first

how are you doing?

I'm doing fine

hey,how was your day?

I'm great !

Where are you from?

If you look at the world of chat-ups, it usually starts with a genuine question like 'do you have a light' or 'do you know what DJ is on tonight?' - and take it from there. You'll know whether someone wants to have a conversation with you or if they quickly answer your question and turns away. Don't forget to smile when using this approach by the way!

LET THEM EXPLAIN SOMETHING

KEEP THIS IN MIND TO ASK: -Where is he from? -What's his/her feelings/opinion on the subject? -Can he/she explain this matter to me? -What were we talking about previously that we can go back to? -Has he/she heard about that interesting thing I heard

Stick to safe topics. While you want to have a debate, you don't want to stray into areas that will lead to an actual argument. A debate about religion or politics might result in hurt feelings, but one about the best travel spots or football team will stay light-hearted and fun. Other safe topics might include movies, music, books, or food.

Let the conversation go where it wants to go. You might be tempted to stick to a prepared list of conversation topics. Doing that would limit the conversation's potential, though! Let the conversation grow organically. You can try to steer it gently toward topics you're more comfortable with, but don't manhandle it awkwardly. If your partner wants to talk about something you don't know much about, just admit it. Ask them to explain it to you and enjoy learning something!

Be selective. In public places, especially in larger cities, people are generally wary of strangers coming up to them with a big smile. "What are they selling?" is usually the first question on their minds. "What do they want? Are they muggers? Missionaries?" Some or all of these questions may run through their mind as you approach them, so think before you act. If it's somebody who you have seen often—whether it's during break, on a subway platform, or on the street where you work—try to make eye contact without being too obvious about it (i.e., don't stare!). Make eye contact, smile in a friendly way, and then go do whatever it is you were doing in the first place. Unless you're playing with the tip of a knife as you make eye contact and smile, this will establish you in the "friendly" category.

Make eye contact before you approach. Because people are more wary in public places, if you come up behind them or they don't see you approach, you could startle them. By making your friendly intentions clear, you diffuse any possible tension that could arise. Save your best pickup lines for the bar. Say something light, humorous, or topical to first break the ice. For example, "Hi, my name's Pat. I work over at Smithers and Burns, and noticed you are here often. Do you work in the neighborhood?" is simple, direct, and is open-ended enough to get a response, which can range anywhere from "Leave me alone," to "Hi, I'm Jan! I have seen you here too. Would you like to have a seat?"

Make it about them. Talk about their interests, opinions, and ideas. Then respond to what they share. The best way to keep someone interested in a conversation is to show an interest in their life. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Even if you don't know a lot about a particular subject, keep asking questions to understand them.

Make them laugh. Laughter makes the conversation fun and joyful. People enjoy talking with others who make them laugh. So get out of your head and don't take anything too seriously—just have fun with it!

Don't let rejection get you down. When you start putting yourself out there, you may well get the brush-off from someone you approach. But as a shy person, you know perfectly well that sometimes, people just don't feel like talking. If someone rejects your approach, don't take it personally! Try to see failure as exciting — it's a chance to learn and improve. People don't bite. The worst thing that can happen is that someone will say they're busy or want to be left alone. That's not the end of the world! Nobody's watching or thinking about you but you. Don't worry about people laughing at you — they're all busy thinking about themselves.

Open nonverbally before you start talking to someone. Others might find it strange if you start talking to them without giving any hints that you were going to approach them. Instead of walking up and starting a surprise conversation with the side of someone's head, ease into it nonverbally. Make eye contact and give a smile to establish a connection before trying to start a conversation.

If you feel the fear, do it anyway. One of the best ways to combat the fear is to do it repeatedly. Push through the fear and it will start to feel more natural. The fear may never fully subside, but if you continue to battle through it, the momentum you create will be more powerful than the remaining fear. For example, when I feel terrified of approaching someone, I think back to a calming moment or a moment that made me laugh. Then, the fear didn't feel so daunting anymore.

Practice. Don't worry if you seem a little awkward or aggressive at first. If your intentions are authentic, you will come across that way more and more each time you try. It's just like any other skill where it gets easier with practice. A few of my first conversations with strangers felt scary and awkward, but they didn't do any harm. It made me learn what I needed to work on.

so that's why we decided to move here. How long have you been here? - ...yeah that's one of the best movies I've seen. What's your favourite movie? - ... so you could say that I'm mainly a carpenter. What are you working with?

SUMMARY Ask questions that the other person can connect to emotionally. These include questions concerning his or her interests, experiences and hopes and dreams. All this can be summarized as questions that contain the word "you". End statements and stories with a questions, so that the other person will be able to continue the conversation. If you don't come up with anything to say, ask something about any previous subject you were talking about. Don't censor yourself: Say something silly rather than not saying anything at all. People don't notice "silly questions" - they notice awkward silence. Make it a habit to get to know the other person's opinions or feelings on what you are currently talking about. Ask the other person to expand on the subject by letting him or her explain how something was or how something works. Two phrases you can use that work almost any time are "Where are you from?" and "Did you hear that [newsworthy story]?" Avoid performing interviews by breaking off your questions with your own statements and stories. Avoid pointing out the awkward silence by commenting on it. Break some of the rules in this guide rather than trying to watch your tongue and becoming self-aware as a result. See the bigger perspective of this guide as a pathway to better conversations.

DON'T GET TOO CAUGHT UP IN DETAILS. After all, awkward silence is caused by talking too little rather than too much so it's better that you feel relaxed and make some mistakes, rather than trying to avoid mistakes so badly that you become self aware and awkward.

So - if you realize that you've been asking too many questions, no worries. Just break in with a statement or a story or reveal something about yourself. A good rule of thumb is that both of you should have spent roughly the same amount of time talking by the end of the conversation.

Say something! It doesn't matter a whole lot what you say to get the conversation started. It's more about how you say it. If you can deliver the best opening line in the world with confidence, go for it! If not, stick to something more basic, such as "Hi, my name's Mark," and offer to shake hands.

Start basic. Talk about how you ended up at the party, and ask them how they came to be there, too. If the weather is remarkable, remark on it, but don't dwell. Weather conversations are generally short, boring, and indicate that you don't have much to say.

The scientists said that the best way to describe small talk is like a "bonding ritual"

They also found that exactly what we talk about isn't that important. And here's where most people make their first mistake - they are too picky with what they should say. That causes them to censor themselves too hard, and then they become self aware and can't come up with anything to say at all.

IS IT A SUPER BUSY JOB OR WILL YOU HAVE ANY TIME OFF THIS SUMMER/WINTER FOR A VACATION? This question is natural to ask in connection to both job and studies. And this is my favorite question! Because no matter what they reply, you can now start talking about your passions and dreams. In my opinion, passions and dreams are the most rewarding subjects you can bring up with someone. Ask them:

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE WAY TO SPEND YOUR VACATION / TIME OFF / WEEKENDS? Here you'll discover their favorite interests and hobbies or places they want to go. They'll love to talk about this and you'll have a great opportunity to find mutual interests. Let them expand on their interests. "How does that work?" "How do you do that?" If you find any common ground; if you've both been to the same place or share any interest, you can emerge into that just like you talk to any close friend. You're off the shaky launch and into conversation you'll both find entertaining.

Ask questions that the other person can connect to emotionally

WHY QUESTIONS DON'T HAVE TO BE "CLEVER" You probably notice when people don't know what to say next. It get's awkward and weird. But on the other hand, I guess that you almost never think "what a random statement that was" or "what a silly question he asked". The truth is, it's OK to ask silly questions. Questions don't have to be clever. It's much more awkward to not say anything than to ask something "silly". In the conversation below, pay attention to how simple and perhaps "silly" some of the questions are - and they work anyway. So, the next time you are about to censor yourself because you think that what you are going to say sounds too silly, try saying it anyway. See how it goes!

When you do speak, find out what they are passionate about。 Instead ask what they did on the weekend, what holidays they have planned etc and get them talking

When attempting to talk to strangers you have to accept that the first few moments will be awkward sometimes, that some people will blank you - that's just life. My experience tells me most people are very happy to have a chat and nobody will bite you! Your only challenge is breaking the ice and the conversation will flow from there

how are you?

great

starbuck challenge

hello my name is sarah form UT Dallas,I 'm an international student and need your help to improve my english ,would you practice with me for a few minutes?

do you know the best sights in dallas?`

restruntrant? museums? music?

where do you from? why do you came to dallas? what do you do in dallas? how do you get the job? what is your major and your goal?

what do you do to relax on weekends? movie？

is everything alright?

yeah,great

have a nice day

you too

thank you

you're welcome

Avoid touchy topics, such as religion, politics, sex, philosophy, world problems, death, divorce, and other potentially sensitive topics.

Don't ask any personal questions, such as "what is your address?" Instead, ask where the other person lives. This allows them to be as general or specific as they choose.

how is it going ?

It's going well