CH 8
What percentage of wives was the adulterers?
23%
By age 12, what percentage of heterosexual adolescents say that they have been involved in a romantic relationship within the past 18 months?
25%
On average, spouses are engaged in negative emotional states about what percentage of the time with their partner?
25%
Median age for a first marriage in women
27
What percentage of married heterosexual couples experience physical aggression?
28-30%
Median age for a first marriage in men
29
in 2011, what percentage of women had never married?
29%
What percentage of couples are in therapy due to infidelity?
30%
What percentage of couples in therapy disclose affairs during treatment?
30%
in 2011, what percentage of men had never married?
31%
What percentage of husbands were the adulterers?
45%
What percentage of marriages get divorced within the first seven years?
45%
What percentage of gay men report opposite-sex dating in adolescence?
50%
What percentage of violent people within their first year of marriage continue being violent 2-3 years?
60-70%
Perpetual Problems
65% conflict; problems that are chronic and recurring *differing preferences for the definition of a "clean house"*
IPV reported 2,340 deaths in 2007, as of which females counted for ___ percent
70
By age 18, what percentage of heterosexual adolescents say that they have been involved in a romantic relationship within the past 18 months?
75%
What percentage of lesbian women report opposite-sex dating in adolescence?
80%
What is the age that children begin to have awareness of sexual desires and attractions?
9
Around what percentage of adolescents report same-sex sexual experiences?
9%
When it comes to same-sex attractions, it is usually in passing acquantince context for...
boys
Men are less likely to consider it a betrayal if the woman
emotionally cheats versus physically cheats
Women are more _____ motivated
emotionally motivated
In terms of offline and online, men and women are ______ to cheat in both contexts.
equally likely
Sex roles in a same-sex relationship are more
flexible
When it comes to same-sex attractions, it is usually in romantic context for...
girls
After an affair, it is important for one not to
give up
Romantic relationships are dynamic and are subject to
highs and lows
Casual Sexual Arrangements
hooking up friends with benefits
Negative Affect Reciprocity
how we respond to our spouse's negative emotionality
The number of women cheating has ____ in recent years
increased
Extramarital involvement such as sexual intimacies with or without intercourse
infedility
3 Components of Love
intimacy, commitment, and passion
Girls who did NOT engage in casual sex did not have...
lower self-esteem, feelings of guilt, feeling out of control
Situational Violence
mutual, low level violence that may occur as a means of conflict management -more bidirectional in nature
The key to healing an affair is the
recovery of trust
Positivity
refers to behaviors that bring pleasant experiences ex: making plans to engage in fun behaviors both like going to movies, amusement park
Assuring Behavior
reminders of how we see and value our partner
Women engage in ___ same levels of physical aggression.
same
An important key for healing after an affair is
self-disclosure
Characterological Violence
severe, persistent violence used as a means of inducing fear *more mild physical aggression can escalate to this kind of violence
Men are more _____ motivated
sexually motivated
Self-Disclosure
sharing feelings/experiences and vulnerability
The recovery of trust is impaired by the
staggering disclosure of significant facts
Bad sex can lead to
strong negative feelings
Staying together doesn't mean that the couple
successfully healed and recovered
Homophobia
the belief that same-sex relationships are wrong
What delays the emergence of same-sex romantic experiences?
the existence of heterosexism and homophobia resulting in strong prejudices against LGBTQ individuals
Infidelity
the most damaging problems that couples encounter
Entitlement in context of cheating
the person takes advantage of the opportunity that they seek; they capitalize on it
Where is cheating most likely to happen?
the workplace
Addiction to infidelity
these addicts seek passion and idealization of new relationships -addicted to the excitement
A factor that impacts the perception of harm associated with online hookups are whether or not the online relatinoship
turns physical
Adolescents report dating the same person for about...
two years
Most common IPV is towards which gender?
women
A common request after an affair is to
write a letter to the affair partner making it clear the decision on staying in a relationship is for love, not DUTY.
How is violence treated?
Couple counseling, gender individual treatment
True or False: Individuals considering cheating are anxious about getting caught more so offline.
False; individuals are anxious both on and offline
True or False: In real life, younger men are more likely to cheat than older men.
False; older men are more likely to cheat than younger men
True or False: The proportion of people who have never married is decreasing.
False; the proportion of those who have never married is increasing
Which gender reports having the most depressive symptoms in casual sex relationships?
Females
Why do people cheat?
They may have an addiction or they may have a feeling of entitlement.
True or False: Children of divorced parents often struggle with their own relationships.
True
True or False: Heterosexual adolescents face fewer societal pressures.
True
True or False: How the partner responds to the negative feeling from the partner is more important than the frequency of the negative emotion.
True
True or False: IPV starts tend to be biased toward male perpetrators and female victims.
True
True or False: It may be good to explore one's sexuality while on a low-stake environment, such as friends with benefits.
True
True or False: Living in a homophobic society is a risk factor.
True
True or False: No treatment but couples treatment has been found to be effective.
True
True or False: Our bodies can experience emotional pain the same as physical pain.
True
True or False: Separation is not a sign of failure after an affair.
True
True or False: Shame makes it difficult for IPV to be reported.
True
True or False: The number of people divorcing is increasing.
True
True or False: Women are more likely to be in love.
True
True or False: Women are more likely to be psychologically abusive than physically abusive.
True
True or False: Women are more likely to say they're in love with their extramarital partner than men.
True
True or False: Women are more likely to use sexting when cheating.
True
True or False: Youth experience pressure to date the opposite sex during adolescence.
True
True or False: overtime passion decreases in relationships.
True
True or False: There is a lack of role-models for same-sex couples.
True; and since this is true, there is fewer opportunities to see good same-sex relationships
True or False: There may be issues for the couple concerning the "coming out".
True; self-acceptance
True or False: The level of formal education a woman acquires can have an impact of the odds her her never marrying.
True; the odds of her never marrying can increase with her education
What percentage of adults report having at least one affair?
20-25%
First same-sex experiences for males are at what age?
17 years old
First same-sex experiences for females are at what age?
19 years old
Therapy MUST include:
*establishing safety and hope - recovery cannot begin until the extramarital relationship is NOT a threat *fostering care and goodwill *managing affect and posttraumatic symptoms - dealing with flashbacks, journaling, writing down questions *telling the story of an affair - therapist serves as an active role and asks more questions and/or helps the process begin *understanding vulnerabilites - CANNOT be a blame game *mastering meaning and terminating successfully: incorporate lessons learned and meaning for the affair - forgiveness and recommitment are useful
Predictors of Violent Behavior:
-age (less than 30) -(lowere) SES -exposure to violence in the home as a child -head injury (frontal lobe) -misattributions of partner's behavior -belief in aggression as a mean of problem solving -alcohol use -jealousy -stressful life events -psychological problems -childhood traum -gay-related stigma
Steps to recovering from infidelity are:
-establishing safety and hope -fostering caring and good will -managing affect and post-traumatic symptoms -telling the story of the affair -understanding vulnerabilities -mastering of meaning and successful termination
Biological Effects of Abuse
-health consequences to endocrine and immune system ex: IBS, gynecological disorders, central nervous system disorders -emotional effects: lower self-esteem, feelings of helplessness, depression, numbing ex: impact of abuse for children, increase the likelihood that they will be in an abusive relationship as an adult
Healthy Intimate Relationships
-interactive behavior and positive vs. negative emotions -negative affect reciprocity -each partner is communicating and relative balance of reciprocity
_ out of 8 husbands engage in physical aggression against his wife each year
1
Gottman's Four Horseman of the Apocalypse:
1) criticism - most common 2) defensiveness 3) stonewalling 4) contempt
Affair vs. Friendship
1) level of emotional intimacy 2) secrecy 3) sexual chemistry
Types of Infedility
1) primarily sexual 2) primarily emotional 3) combined sexual-emotional affairs
Predictors of Divorce:
1)harsh start ups 2)4 horsemen of the apocalypse 3)emotional shutdowns and detachment 4)frequent physiological states incompatible with conflict resolution 5)failed attempts to repair conflict 6)bad memories of times past and present
Compared to the 1920s were the number of people divorcing were in the single digits, around what percentage are divorced now?
15%
Healthy sexuality contributes to around what percentage of marital satisfaction?
15-20%
What percentage of these non-traditional sexual partnerships are associated with hopes or expectations that the relationship will lead to a conventional dating relationship?
about 1/3
Task Behavior
actions that assist our partner with obligations in their lives
Relationship Talks
active processing
Sexual relationships outside of the conventional dating relationships are increasing in
adolescents
Understanding Behaviors
behaviors that demonstrate that we are understanding what our partners are understanding what is happening in their lives
True or False: Adolescents whose first sexual experience happened in a more casual arrangement rather than a bf/gf were more likely to report...
being depressed and have substance abuse
Committed Partnerships
changing statistics in marriage
Frequency of sexual activity tends to ____ among married couples
decline
There is a lack of clarity on how to
define the couplehood to themselves and others
When it comes to online and offline cheating, there is ___ difference between the number of people likely to cheat
no
A failure after an affair is
not wanting to end the affair, existence of combined (emotional and sexual) affairs, when both partners are unfaithful, low commitment to marriage by 1 or both parties
15-18 year olds have had more than....
one sexual partner
Networking
partners interact with important relationships ex: making sure other couples are going out with other friends
Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)
physical, sexual or physiological harm by current or former partner/spouse