Ch. 8 Psychological Approaches
boost self-esteem
-A sense of self-esteem, of belief and pride in ourselves, gives us confidence to attempt to achieve at school or work and to reach out to others to form friendships and close relationships. Self-esteem is the little voice within that whispers, "You're worth it. You can do it. You're okay." -When we face stress, a healthy sense of self-esteem can do much more than simply boost confidence. It endows us with a layer of emotional resilience when we encounter rejection and failure -The seeds of self-esteem are planted in childhood when parents provide the assurance and appreciation youngsters need to push themselves toward new accomplishments: crawling, walking, forming words and sentences, learning control over their bladder and bowels. Adults, too, must consider themselves worthy of love, friendship, and success if they are to be loved, to make friends, and to achieve their goals. Low self-esteem is more common in people who have been abused as children and in those with psychiatric disorders, including depression, anxiety, alcoholism, and drug dependence. -One of the most useful techniques for bolstering self-esteem is developing the habit of positive thinking and talking. Negative observations, such as constant criticisms or reminders of minor faults, undermine self-image. Positive affirmations—compliments, kudos, encouraging words—have the opposite effect. -Think of something that is stressing you out. Can you look at it in a more positive way? Try incorporating some of the following attitude-adjusting strategies: Accept that some things are out of your control. Challenge your negative thoughts. Be compassionate and forgiving, both to yourself and to those around you. Keep it real. Don't let your expectations become unreasonable or catastrophic. Avoid extremes. Thinking in absolute terms such as "always" or "never" is bound to bring you down.
alcohol
-About two-thirds of college students drink alcohol. The most common reason is to relax. Because it depresses the central nervous system, alcohol can make people feel less tense and stressed—even though it does nothing to relieve the cause of the stress and may make some stressors worse. The biggest dangers come from drinking without thinking. When you drink without thinking, you give up control and turn your life over to alcohol. And when you lose control, you lose—and you pay the price in stress. You can end up a hapless spectator or a victim of consequences you never intended. -Although the percentage of college students who drink alcohol has remained the same over recent decades, what has changed is the percentage of students who engage in mindless, dangerous drinking. More students today binge, drink to get drunk, participate in drinking games, or drink to excess at athletic rallies, celebrations, and spring breaks. As a result, more students are being injured, assaulted, or raped in alcohol-related crimes—and are dying as a result of alcohol poisoning or alcohol-related accidents. According to the American College Health Association's National College Health Assessment, about three in ten students report doing something they later regretted as a result of their drinking. If just thinking about your alcohol use makes you feel stressed, this is a red flag. Take the following self-survey to get an accurate sense of your alcohol consumption. -If drinking problems run in your family, you need to think about drinking even more carefully than other students. In both women and men, genetics accounts for about 50 percent of a person's vulnerability to serious drinking problems. Do research on alcoholism in your family, going back to your grandparents and including uncles, aunts, and cousins. Gather as much information as you can about the risks for children of alcoholics. We suggest that you discuss your vulnerability with your doctor, a mental health professional, or a counselor at your school.
drugs
-As a kid you may have played with matches even though your parents warned you about the dangers. Did you get burned? Let's hope not, but you could have been. Certainly your judgment was immature. Or maybe you rode your bike down steep hills to see how fast you could go or whirled round and round until you were dizzy. Seeking thrills and slightly altered states is a part of growing up. In fact, the lust for them makes a lot of money for amusement parks. Because our culture(The shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices of a group that are internalized by an individual within the group) is awash in drugs, you may also have become curious about them. Maybe you experimented. Or maybe you just said no. Either way you have survived so far and made it to college. Now you are in another time of experimentation and discovery. As a student, you can stretch yourself intellectually, expand yourself socially, challenge yourself physically, and experience a different kind of excitement. Students who report higher stress levels are more likely to become heavy drug users. A minority of students—far fewer than you think—begin or continue to use drugs. They may argue that parents, teachers, and other authorities exaggerate their dangers. At times they do, but this does not mean that drugs are safe. All drugs—prescription medicines and street drugs—are dangerous. The only way to be absolutely sure of avoiding the stress caused by drugs is not to use them. This choice—the one more than six in ten college students make—is more than safe: it's smart. Drugs interfere with learning and education by making it more difficult to pay attention, concentrate, and remember. They create problems with people who love you. The use of illegal drugs can, as you know, lead to terrible, life-changing consequences for you and your family. Legal drugs, when used for reasons other than that for which they were prescribed, can be even stronger and more deadly. Drugs produce short- and long-term side effects that can range from mood changes to potentially fatal abnormalities in your breathing and heart rate. Most importantly, drugs can steal control of your life and your future—or steal your very life. -There are other less obvious reasons not to go down the path of drug use. For one thing, there is no need to. As Table 8.4 shows, you can experience all the sensations drugs can offer in other ways. -People drink and use drugs for many reasons, including to alter normal, waking consciousness and get high. Yet drugs aren't the only—and certainly not the best—way to achieve exhilarating and enduring highs. Here are other non-compulsive, non-chemical ways of achieving each of the following: Physical relaxation: Meditation, exercise, yoga, and so on. Sensory stimulation: Hiking a forest trail, swimming, star-gazing, and so on. Feeling happier: Talk with a friend, join a service organization, see a counselor, exercise, and so on. Escape from boredom: Campus clubs and activities, discussion groups, travel, and so on. Greater creativity: Visit art galleries, attend concerts, take a non-credit photography class, and so on. Kicks: Sign up for a wilderness survival course, take up rock or wall climbing, learn to tango, and so on.
recognize your personality traits
-College students who rate high in conscientiousness tend to wear seat belts, get enough sleep, drive safely, use safer sex practices, exercise, not smoke, drink less, and eat healthful foods—all helpful for managing stress. They carefully weigh the risks and benefits of their behaviors and delay immediate gratification for the sake of long-term benefits, such as preventing cardiovascular disease or sexually transmitted infections. -Students who score high in extraversion are more likely to put their health at risk. They drink more alcohol, smoke, engage in risky sexual behaviors, and don't get enough sleep. The reasons may involve brain chemistry. Individuals with low levels of certain neurochemicals may pursue highly stimulating (though stressful) behaviors that trigger an adrenaline rush that makes them feel more alert and excited. -Personality is not destiny. If you see yourself as low in conscientiousness or high in extraversion, you can take deliberate steps that will lower your stress and safeguard your health. For instance, you might fulfill your need for stimulation and excitement with less risky alternatives, such as rock climbing or volunteering with student-led emergency response services.
mood control
-Feelings come and go within minutes. A mood is a more sustained emotional state that colors our view of the world for longer periods. According to psychological surveys, bad moods descend upon us an average of three out of every ten days. The most effective way to banish them is by changing what caused them in the first place—if you can figure out what made you upset and why. Ask yourself what you can do to fix what went wrong or to remedy a loss. If there is, take action and solve it. Rewrite the report. Ask to take a makeup exam. Apologize to the friend whose feelings you hurt. Tell your parents you feel bad about the argument you had. If there's nothing you can do, accept what happened and focus on doing things differently next time. Resolving to try harder in the future has proven as effective in improving mood as taking action in the present. You also can try to think about what happened in a different way and put a positive spin on it. This technique, known as cognitive restructuring or reframing, helps you look at a setback in a new light: Ask/reappraise: What lessons did this teach me? What would I have done differently? Could there be a silver lining or hidden benefit? If you can't identify or resolve the problem responsible for your emotional funk, the next best solution is to concentrate on altering your negative feelings. For example, try setting a quick, achievable goal that can boost your spirits with a small success. Clean out a drawer; sort through the piles of paper on your desk; send an e-mail or text message to an old friend. Or try some of the stress-reducing techniques described in Part IV of this book.
gambling
-Gambling has become a more serious and widespread problem. College students who gamble say they do so for fun or excitement, to socialize, to win money, or to "just have something to do." Simply having access to casino machines, ongoing card games, or Internet gambling sites increases the likelihood of gambling. About half of students who gamble at least once a month experience significant problems related to their gambling, including poor academic performance, heavy alcohol consumption, illicit drug use, unprotected sex, and other risky behaviors. -behaviors that indicate increased risk of problem gambling: Being male. Gambling at an early age (as young as age 8). Having a big win early in one's gambling career. Consistently chasing losses (betting more to recover money already lost). Gambling alone. Feeling depressed before gambling. Feeling excited and aroused during gambling. Behaving irrationally during gambling. Having poor grades at school. Engaging in other addictive behaviors (smoking, drinking alcohol, illegal drug use). Being in a lower socioeconomic class. Having parents with a gambling or other addiction problem. Having a history of delinquency or stealing money to fund gambling. Skipping class to go gambling.
strengthening your coping muscles:
-Just like physical health, psychological well-being involves more than an absence of problems. By developing your inner strengths and resources, you become the author of your life, capable of confronting challenges and learning from them. You have greater control over how happy, optimistic, upbeat, and lovable you are than anyone or anything else. But only by consciously taking charge of your life can you find happiness and fulfillment. -Think of yourself as an athlete in training. If you decide to run a charity 5-kilometer race, you don't head for the gym or track and go the full distance. You build up your muscles and your aerobic capacity by starting with a lap or two and gradually increasing your distance and pace. -The same is true for stress management. You need to acquire and enhance fundamental skills that lay the foundation for developing all kinds of new, more complex habits and skills. Here are some suggestions for your training sessions: Be on task. By all means, set goals, following the steps in Chapter 7. But don't stop there. Use your goals to guide you. Talk to yourself about them. Note how you are progressing toward them; if you drift, come back with a vengeance. Lock in on them like a heat-seeking missile. Think back to times in the last week or so when you managed stress well. Write down the practical skills you used. Go further into the past and think about other times you handled stress successfully. Keep adding to your list of strengths. Review the times in the past when you did not handle stress well. Write down why you think you handled stress badly in certain situations. Identify specific steps or skills that would have enabled you to handle the situations better. In assessing your strengths and weaknesses in handling stress, separate what you did, especially any mistakes you made, from who you are. Instead of saying, "I'm so stupid," tell yourself, "That wasn't the smartest move I ever made, but I learned from it." Use affirmations, positive statements that help reinforce the most positive aspects of your personality and experience. Every day, you might say, "I am a loving, caring person," or "I am honest and open in expressing my feelings." Write down a few affirmations, and read them at least once a day, every day.
tobacco
-Stained teeth; bad breath; premature wrinkles; gum disease; yellow fingernails. No one starts smoking to acquire any of these, but they come with the habit—along with far more serious health consequences. About half of all those who continue to smoke will end up dying from a smoking-related illness. Even today, with smoking rates lower than they have been in decades, tobacco kills more people than AIDS, alcohol, drug abuse, car crashes, murders, suicides, and fires combined. You don't have to be in this unfortunate number. About one in ten college students reports smoking in the last 30 days—often as a way of managing stress. Students who've had traumatic experiences are more likely to smoke to alleviate symptoms such as difficulty concentrating and irritability, and typically find it more difficult to quit. White students have the highest smoking rates, followed by Hispanic, Asian, and African American students. About equal percentages of college men and women smoke, although women are somewhat more likely than men to report smoking daily.29 Other forms of tobacco use, such as electronic cigarettes, have become more popular on college campuses. Although they can help smokers quit, "vaping" poses health risks of its own. Maybe you don't think of yourself as a smoker because you only smoke at parties, during finals, or with particular friends; maybe you've cut back or are thinking about quitting; maybe you've quit several times already. If you smoke at all—a cigarette a week or a pack a day, in social settings or anywhere you can—there is nothing more important that you can do for yourself, your health, and your future than to quit. Do it now. if you want to quit: Start the morning by saying, "I am not a smoker." Repeat this phrase to yourself 20 times. Write it down 20 times. Repeat it as you go through your day—while taking a shower, making coffee, walking up the stairs, waiting for the light to change, downloading music, looking up the weather report. Be sure to repeat this mantra morning and night and as often as possible during the day. Make this statement even if you are tapering down your tobacco use and continuing to smoke. Your mind will register the discrepancy between the message you are sending yourself and your behavior. In time you will find it easier not to smoke because you see yourself as a nonsmoker.
anger
-The terms we use for getting angry reveal its dangers. Anger is a bomb, and if you have a short fuse, you and everyone around you are in harm's way. In-your-face eruptions of anger may seem funny on television. In real life, they are tedious and tiring. They also can damage your family, your friendships, your career, and your ambitions. If you don't learn to tame it, your temper can get you thrown off a team or a job, out of a class, and even into jail. Mild irritation or moderate and controlled anger is one thing. Tantrums, outbursts. and chronic rage are another. Whatever its trigger, anger unleashes the stress response, which revs the body into a state of combat readiness, multiplying the risk for bodily harm, stroke, and heart attack—even in healthy young individuals. Full-blown anger bypasses the rational parts of the brain so you lose the opportunity to take control of what you feel, say, and do. You let somebody else take charge of you because clearly you are not in control. This is neither inevitable nor unavoidable. Taming a toxic temper, like other behavioral changes, requires skillpower, not willpower. The first step is recognizing the earliest signs of anger when you still have time to engage the rational parts of your brain. Be mindful of your heart rate, breathing, and muscle tension if your anger begins to brew. Make a reasoned choice about what to do, rather than merely going nuclear. Analyze the situations that trigger a rage attack so you can anticipate them, change the ways in which you respond, and keep in mind the consequences of an anger outburst. Most importantly, these skills can keep you, not your temper, in control of your life. -Some people think of anger as the psychological equivalent of the steam in a pressure cooker that has to be released or else it will explode. That's not the case. "Venting"—in person or online—only makes anger more dangerous by prolonging intense emotions and stress. To deal with anger, you have to figure out what's really making you mad. Usually the jammed snack machine is the final straw that unleashes bottled-up rage over a more difficult issue, such as a domineering parent or boss. Monitor yourself for early signs of exhaustion and overload. While stress alone doesn't cause a blowup, it makes you more likely to overreact. -Being outside puts the irritations of daily living into perspective. Let your gaze linger on silvery ice glazing a branch or an azalea bush in wild bloom. Follow the flight of a bird; watch clouds float overhead. Gaze into the night sky and think of the stars as holes in the darkness letting the light of heaven shine through. Breathe deeply and fully inhabit the moment. Let your anger blow away in the breeze. If you can't go outdoors, visualize a soothing or inspiring natural scene.
types of happiness
-hedonic, which involves accumulating material things and enjoying pleasurable activities, and -eudaemonic, which is based on a sense of higher purpose and service to others. Hedonic happiness has been linked with high levels of the stress-related biological markers that promote inflammation throughout the body and low levels of markers of antibodies to fight infection. In contrast, eudaemonic happiness fosters expression of genes that produce protective antibodies and suppresses genes that promote inflammation. One of the most effective ways of increasing eudaemonic happiness is performing small acts of kindness. While there is no set formula for their variety and frequency, Lyubomirsky advises a minimum of a good deed once a week, which provides as much of an emotional boost as a thrice-weekly activity. She also recommends variety—taking out the trash when it's your roommate's turn one time, for instance, and buying a hot chocolate for a homeless person the next—because simple repetitions lose their ability to boost happiness.
meet your needs
-newborns are unable to survive on their own. They depend on others for the satisfaction of their physical needs for food, shelter, warmth, and protection, as well as their less tangible emotional needs. In growing to maturity, children take on more responsibility and become more independent. No one, however, becomes totally self-sufficient. As adults, we easily recognize our basic physical needs, but we often fail to acknowledge our emotional needs. Yet they, too, must be met if we are to be as fulfilled as possible. The humanist theorist Abraham Maslow believed that human needs are the motivating factors in personality development. According to his theory, we first must satisfy basic physiological needs, such as those for food, shelter, and sleep. Only then can we pursue fulfillment of our higher needs—for safety and security, love and affection, and self-esteem. The goal is to reach a state of self-actualization, in which we function at the highest possible level and derive the greatest possible satisfaction from life -Among the characteristics of self-actualized individuals is autonomy, or independence. Autonomous individuals are true to themselves. As they weigh the pros and cons of any decision, whether it's using or refusing drugs or choosing a major or career, they base their judgment on their own values, not those of others. Their ability to draw on internal resources and cope with stress has a positive impact on both their psychological well-being and their physical health. Those who've achieved autonomy may seek the opinions of others, but they do not allow their decisions to be dictated by external influences. In autonomous individuals, their locus of control—that is, where they view control as originating—is internal (from within themselves) rather than external (from others). -maslows heirarchy of needs from top to bottom: self-actualization self-esteem love, affection, and belonging safety and security physiological needs (food, water, shelter, etc.)
bec0mE oPtiMistiC aNd hOOpefUL
-optimism: The tendency to seek out, remember, and expect pleasurable experiences. -Mental health professionals define optimism as the "extent to which individuals expect favorable outcomes to occur." They view it as "an active priority of the person, not merely a reflex that prompts us to look on the sunny side." The different ways in which optimists and pessimists cope with stress can affect their well-being. Studies have established "significant relationships" between optimism and cardiovascular health, stroke risk, immune function, cancer prognoses, physical symptoms, pain, and mortality rates. The more optimistic the person, the more pronounced the favorable effect on immunity -For various reasons—because they believe in themselves, because they trust in a higher power, because they feel lucky—optimists expect positive experiences from life. When bad things happen, they tend to see setbacks or losses as specific, temporary incidents. In their eyes, a disappointment is "one of those things" that happens every once in a while rather than the latest in a long string of disasters. In terms of health, optimists not only expect good outcomes—for instance, that a surgery will be successful—but also take steps to increase this likelihood. Pessimists, expecting the worst, are more likely to deny or avoid a problem, sometimes through drinking or other destructive behaviors. Even when perceived stress is high, optimism lowers stress and stabilizes levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Individuals aren't born optimistic or pessimistic, hopeful or despairing. Researchers have documented changes over time in the ways that individuals view the world and what they expect to experience in the future. Optimism breeds hope, another life-affirming positive emotion. College students who score high in hope solve problems more effectively, avoid self-criticism and negative self-talk, and are less likely to report symptoms of depression. Among the strategies that enhance hope are identifying goals, imagining success, identifying potential ways to overcome barrier, and interpreting failures positively.
positive spirals
-positive emotions give rise to positive spirals -A progression of positive thoughts and feelings that leads to fulfilling events and experiences. -feelings of gratitude, for instance, feed a sense of optimism, which increases sociability, which fuels a desire for more pleasurable experiences. Upward spirals increase openness to other people, new ideas, and new activities and expand an individual's social ties. As positive experiences accumulate, they deepen and expand positive feelings, build resilience to temporary setbacks, and counter the negative effects of stress.
cultivate gratitude
A grateful spirit brightens mood, boosts energy, and infuses daily living with a sense of glad abundance. Although giving thanks is an ancient virtue, gratitude refers to appreciation, not just for a special gift, but for everything that makes life a bit better: other people, nature, positive circumstances, kind gestures, direct help. Gratitude affirms the goodness in the world and acknowledges other people—or higher powers, from a spiritual perspective—as their source. Grateful people feel more frequent and intense positive emotions, have more positive views of their social environment, use more productive coping strategies, sleep better, and appreciate their lives and possessions more. By acknowledging how others support and affirm us, gratitude strengthens relationships and encourages us to go beyond the gifts we and repay them or "pay them forward." A "lifestyle orientation" of feeling grateful has been shown to reduce stress levels over time. College students who keep gratitude journals report higher levels of happiness, feel better about their lives as a whole, are more likely to have made progress toward important personal goals, exercise more regularly, and report fewer negative health symptoms. -Gratitude changes your life in striking ways. As you enhance appreciation in your daily life, you see things from a larger perspective. Your relationships improve, and you will more aware of what you have. Being deeply grateful can increase your reverence for life and make you a champion of the betterment of others. Gratitude leads the way to maturity and awareness and also bestows contentment and profound life satisfaction.
emotional quotient (EQ)
A person's level of emotional intelligence The ability to monitor and use emotions to guide thinking and actions. consists of several dimensions, including: Accurate recognition and expression of emotions while feeling them. Ability to create and maintain healthy interpersonal relationships. Ability to control and marshal emotions in order to remain focused and reach goals. Recognition and understanding of what others are feeling and empathy with them. Ability to manage emotions, regulate moods, handle stress, and rebound from emotional setbacks. -brain regions involved in emotional intelligence overlap significantly with those involved in general intelligence—and in effective stress management. -Women generally score slightly higher in emotional intelligence than men, but in both sexes, individuals who are outgoing, dependable, and independent-minded tend to have higher EQ scores. However, everyone is capable of cultivating greater emotional intelligence, which grows as we learn from life experiences—including stressful ones. -Individuals with a high EQ are less prone to depression and anxiety and more productive at work. They bounce back more quickly from serious setbacks and illnesses and report better ties with friends and family, more satisfying romantic relationships, more emotional support, more intimacy, and more affection as well as greater life satisfaction and psychological well-being. -Among the aspects of emotional intelligence that most benefit students, particularly when under stress, are focusing on clear, manageable goals and identifying and understanding emotions rather than relying on gut feelings.
extraversion
A personality trait correlated with being active, talkative, assertive, social, stimulation- seeking.
downward spirals
A progression of negative thoughts and feelings that can lead to depression or self-destructive behaviors. -sadness, for instance, spins into rumination on a loss, which leads to social withdrawal, which generates deeper sadness, more negative thoughts, and greater isolation, pulling individuals downward into depression or self-destructive behaviors. Downward spirals tend to narrow an individual's perspective and increase susceptibility to stress.
emotional intelligence
A set of skills that contribute to the accurate appraisal, expression, and regulation of emotion in oneself and in others and the use of feelings to motivate, plan, and achieve in one's life; internal management of how we handle our feelings
self-actualization
A state of wellness and fulfillment that can be achieved once certain human needs are satisfied; living to one's full potential.
autonomy
Ability to draw on internal resources; independence from familial and societal influences.
binge drinking
According to the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, a binge is a pattern of drinking alcohol that brings blood-alcohol concentration (BAC) to 0.08 gram-percent or above. For a typical adult man, this pattern corresponds to consuming five or more drinks in about two hours; for a woman, four or more drinks. An estimated 4 in 10 college students drink at binge levels or greater. They consume 91 percent of all alcohol that undergraduates report drinking. Binge drinkers are more likely to be under age 24 and to be male than female, although more women report binge drinking than in the past. Binge drinkers are more likely to use other substances, including nicotine, marijuana, cocaine, and LSD, to be injured or hurt, to engage in unplanned or unprotected sexual activity, and to get in trouble with campus police. Students tend to binge-drink at the beginning of the school year and then cut back as the semester progresses and academic demands increase. Binge drinking also peaks after stressful times, such as after midterms or finals, and during letting-off-steam occasions, such as football weekends and Spring break.
taking charge of risky behaviors
Addictive behaviors and substances may seem like quick escapes from stress, but ultimately they turn into dead ends. Gaming or gambling can start off as enjoyable diversions but consume ever-increasing amounts of your time, energy, and money. Drugs—street drugs as well as improperly used medications—and tobacco are dangerous, even life-threatening. The same is true of alcohol in more than moderate amounts. The entire range of risky behaviors can intensify the stress in your daily life and create unforeseen and unpredictable new stresses.
self-esteem
Confidence and satisfaction in oneself. -Low self-esteem renders us more vulnerable to many of the psychological injuries of daily life, while high self-esteem strengthens our emotional immune system. -Self-esteem is based not on external factors like wealth or beauty, but on what you believe about yourself. It's not something you're born with; it develops over time. It's also not something that anyone else can give to you, although those around you can either enhance or diminish your self-esteem.
fear
Faced with stress, people hunker down and hold to their current position even if it is not an ideal or healthy one. They are afraid of the unknown, afraid of failing, afraid of embarrassing themselves, afraid of disappointing, afraid of discovering they do not have what it takes, or afraid that if they make it through one stressful challenge, people will expect even more of them in the future. And fear engenders even more fear—and stress. You may assume that people who boldly take on stressful challenges do so because they aren't afraid. This isn't true. Those who push the envelope and venture beyond their comfort zones take fear seriously for what it is: a signal to use caution. If you feel fear, it's wise to investigate its source. It's far better to perceive danger than ignore it and act recklessly. But fear or the possibility of danger shouldn't stop you in your tracks. Instead of running for cover, realize that where there is danger, you must be appropriately cautious. Driving a car or striking a match carries a risk of danger, but you don't avoid either. Instead you heighten your attention so you do them safely. If you work with fear correctly, fear will become your ally in managing stress. Let your inner alarm guide you to assess a situation accurately without going overboard. Don't leap before looking, but don't retreat before finding out what to expect. Get information. Doing so is the only way to determine whether a danger is real and what specific threat it presents. Giving in to fear leads to mindlessly freezing in your tracks. If you let that happen, your life will be safe and predictable—and barren. A certain level of fear, like a certain level of stress, can inform and motivate you and can alert you to authentic hazards. Then you can evaluate and decide what level of daring makes sense. -The downside of fear is that, if not handled appropriately, it has a way of making your worst, most stressful nightmares come true. When you are afraid of something, you try to avoid it—and whenever you do so, you are more likely to experience what you fear most. -If you shoot hoping not to blow it, you are more likely to miss than if you say to yourself, "These guys are going down!" The reason: When you worry about failure rather than going on the offensive, your fear creates muscular tension that disrupts the fluidity of your shot. -The same thing happens whenever you have to do something you find exceptionally stressful, such as speaking in public. If you have to make a presentation in class, focusing on not making a fool of yourself is the kiss of death. Even if you do a great deal of research, you are far less likely to give a good talk if you are trying to avoid giving a bad one. Concentrate instead on what you want to say and what you want people to understand. Tell yourself that you have something fantastic to share with your audience and that everyone is going to enjoy and learn from this time together. -Fear also can stem from faulty assumptions about what the future will bring. People often anticipate that things will turn out badly and feel convinced that their prediction is a fact. Do you ever assume that you can foresee exactly what is going to happen in your life—that you're going to fail a test, blow an interview, or say or do something embarrassing at a public event? If so, the following exercise can help you tune up your internal "predict-o-meter"
pursue happiness
Happiness is not the absence of stress, but an abundance of eustress. Education, gender, and race don't determine how happy you are. Asked if they were "feeling good and functioning well," men and women with different backgrounds and varying levels of education have similar odds of achieving high levels of emotional well-being. As long as you have enough money to cover basic needs, you don't need more wealth or more possessions for greater joy. Even people who win a fortune in a lottery return to their baseline of happiness within months. Health both affects and is affected by happiness. As long-term studies show, happiness enhances immunity, speeds healing, and may even reduce the risk of dying—both in healthy people and in those with diagnosed diseases. Many people assume that they can't be happy unless they get into a certain school, earn a certain grade, win a certain job, make a certain income, fall in love with a certain person, or look a certain way. But according to psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The Myths of Happiness, such notions are false. "People find a way to be happy in spite of unwanted life circumstances," she notes, "and many people who are blessed by wealth and good fortune aren't any happier than those who lack these fortunes." While possessions bring temporary delight, the thrill invariably fades. The joy we feel when we get something we desire—whether it's a new phone or a sports trophy—doesn't last because of "habituation," the capacity to become accustomed to life changes and take them for granted. The bliss of acquiring the latest smartphone or game console generally fades in six to twelve weeks. The bliss of making a new friend, which is more dynamic and engaging, lasts longer. Children, despite all the challenges they bring, yield more joy than many possessions, according to studies of parents.
defensive drinking
If you are of legal age and don't want to abstain from alcohol, make a list of strategies you can use to limit your drinking. Here are ones commonly reported by other students: Eating before, while, and after drinking. Assigning a designated driver. Keeping track of how many drinks you are having. Avoiding drinking games. (Drinking games can lead to extreme intoxication, alcohol-related injuries, and alcohol poisoning.) Planning in advance not to exceed a set number of drinks. Alternating alcoholic and nonalcoholic drinks. Pacing drinks to one or fewer per hour. Asking a friend to let them know when they had enough. Choosing not to drink alcohol. Choosing a non-alcoholic look-alike, like alcohol-free beer or plain soda. Drinking at least one glass of water for every alcoholic beverage you consume. -Before leaving for a party or a bar, put a check next to the strategies you plan to use. The next day check the ones you actually did use. If your drinking strategies didn't work well, come up with new ideas to try in the future.
"undoing" stress
In difficult situations, positive feelings alter the processing of emotions in ways that "undo" some of stress's harmful effects, including the following: -Restore and Cleanse Positive emotions shorten the after-effects of the stress response by relieving tension and cleansing your body of stress hormones. Unlike panic and fear, which narrow focus and attention, positive emotions enable us to be more flexible and open in our thinking. -Broaden and Build As more than a decade of research has shown, "broadening and building" approaches such as cultivating gratitude and acceptance can help buffer against stress, promote resilience, lower the risk of mental disorders, and enhance physical well-being. Positive psychology interventions that have proven effective in undoing or lessening stress include: Counting one's blessings Savoring experiences Practicing kindness Pursuing meaning Setting personal goals Building compassion for oneself and others Identifying and using one's strengths (which may include traits such as kindness or perseverance).
positive psychiatry
Promotes positive psychosocial development in those with or at high risk of mental or physical illness.
don't worry, be happy
Some skeptics dismiss "happichondria" as the latest feel-good fad. However, happiness researchers, cite mounting evidence suggesting that happiness is, to a significant degree, a learned behavior. Among 5,000 students in 280 countries who completed a massive online open course (MOOC) on happiness, positive feelings such as affection, amusement, and enthusiasm kept going up as the course progressed while sadness, anger, and fear declined. You too can worry less and smile more. Here are some suggestions: Spend time with happy, upbeat individuals. In surveys of college students, the happiest generally spent the least time alone and shared one distinctive characteristic: a rich and fulfilling social life, including a romantic relationship as well as rewarding friendships. Up your appreciation quotient. Regularly take stock of all the things for which you are grateful. (See "Reflection" in the Personal Stress Management Toolkit.) To deepen the impact, write a letter of gratitude to someone who's helped you along the way. Watch videos of kittens, puppies, and other adorable creatures. Japanese researchers have shown that looking at pictures of appealing animals—from pets to pandas to grumpy cats—not only improves mood but also focuses attention to enhance performance on various tasks. Create your own imaginary video. Visualize several of your happiest memories in as much detail as possible. Smell the air. Feel the sun. Hear the sea. Play this video in your mind when your spirits slump. Immerse yourself. Find activities that delight and engage you so much that you lose track of time in a state that psychologists call "flow." Experiment with creative outlets. Look for ways to build these activities into your life. Seize the moment. Rather than wait to celebrate big birthday-cake moments, savor a bite of cupcake every day. Delight in a child's cuddle, a lively conversation. Cry at the movies. Cheer at football games. This life is your gift to yourself. Enjoy it! *At the end of each day, think of one thing that made you happy and describe it in words (written or recorded). When you're feeling down, tap into this happiness fund to lift your spirits.*
conscientiousness
Striving for competence and achievement, self-discipline, orderliness, reliability, deliberativeness.
mood
Sustained emotional state that colors one's view of the world for hours or days.
emotional health
The ability to express and acknowledge one's feelings and moods and exhibit adaptability and compassion for others. Characteristics of emotionally healthy persons include the following: -Determination and effort to be healthy. -Flexibility and adaptability to a variety of circumstances. -Development of a sense of meaning and affirmation of life. -An understanding that they are not the center of the universe. -Compassion for others. -The ability to be unselfish in serving or relating to others. -Depth and satisfaction in intimate relationships. -A sense of control over mind and body that enables them to make health-enhancing choices and decisions.
mental health
The ability to perceive reality as it is, respond to its challenges, and develop rational strategies for living. -A mentally healthy person doesn't try to avoid conflicts and distress, but can cope with life's transitions, traumas, and losses in a way that allows for emotional stability and growth.
values
The criteria by which one makes choices about one's thoughts, actions, goals, and ideals.
positive psychology
The scientific study of ordinary human strengths and virtues.
psychological and emotional health
Unlike physical health, psychological well-being cannot be measured, tested, X-rayed, or dissected. Yet psychologically healthy men and women generally share certain characteristics: -They can cope with the stressors of everyday living. -They value themselves and strive toward happiness and fulfillment. -They establish and maintain close relationships with others. -They accept the limitations as well as the possibilities that life has to offer. -They feel a sense of meaning and purpose that makes the gestures of living worth the effort required. *Psychological health encompasses both our emotional and mental states—that is, our feelings and our thoughts.
detoxyifying negative feelings
We experience three to four times more negative emotions than positive—perhaps because alertness to potential dangers helped our early ancestors survive. However, just as you can learn to enhance positive emotions, you can learn to detoxify negative ones
emotional spirals
We rarely feel just one emotion. A certain feeling leads to another and then another. Psychologists describe this cascade as a self-perpetuating spiral that includes thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. -Do's: Smile. A happy face makes for a happy spirit. Focus. By being fully present in the moment, you'll experience it more intensely. Share your joy. Talking about and celebrating good experiences extends positive feelings. Travel through time. Vividly remembering or anticipating positive events—a technique called "positive mental time travel"—boosts levels of happiness and life satisfaction. -Don'ts: Don't hide your feelings. Suppressing positive feelings—because of shyness or a sense of modesty, for instance—diminishes them. Don't get distracted. Unrelated worries and thoughts detract from the here-and-now of a positive experience. Don't find fault. Paying attention to negative aspects of otherwise positive experiences sabotages levels of happiness, optimism, self-esteem, and life satisfaction. Don't go there. "Negative mental time travel"—reflecting on what went wrong or what may go wrong—can lower self-esteem and foster depressive symptoms.
positive psychology and positive psychiatry...
both focus on the aspects of human experience that lead to happiness and fulfillment—in other words, on what makes life worthwhile.3 The goal of these approaches is not simply to feel good momentarily or to avoid bad experiences, but to build positive strengths and traits that enable us to find meaning and purpose in life.
practice self-compassion
healthy form of self-acceptance and self-care that some psychologists describe as being kind to yourself in the face of suffering. By practicing a "reciprocal golden rule," you treat yourself with the kindness usually reserved for others. This includes accepting your flaws; letting go of regrets, illusions, and disappointments; and taking responsibility for actions that may have harmed others without feeling a need to punish yourself. In contrast, individuals low in self-compassion are extremely critical of themselves and obsessively fixate on their mistakes. Compassion for others seems to breed compassion for yourself, and vice versa. -Individuals high in self-compassion tend to: Be understanding toward themselves when they make mistakes. Recognize that all humans are imperfect. Not ruminate about their errors in judgment or behavior. When feeling inadequate, engage in soothing and positive self-talk. Recognize that failure is an unavoidable part of the human experience. Feel a greater sense of connection to others, even in the face of disappointment. Not exaggerate the significance of painful thoughts (though they're mindful of them). Manage frustration and stress by quelling self-pity and melodrama. -After a traumatic life event, self-compassion may help individuals recognize the need to care for themselves, reach out for social support, engage in less self-blame and self-criticism, and look back on the time as an emotionally difficult event rather than an experience that defines or changes them. It also motivates people to learn from their mistakes and improve themselves after an initial failure.