Chapter 11 communications

passion

"A state of intense longing for union with another."

1. Being supportive and encouraging (e.g., listening and being courteous) 2. Reassuring our partner of our feelings (e.g., expressing love and confirming the importance of the relationship) 3. Offering tangible reminders (e.g., giving gifts and assistance) 4. Creating a relationship future (e.g., doing things together and making plans together) 5. Behaving with integrity (e.g., being honest, being faithful, and keeping promises) 6. Working on the relationship (e.g., talking out problems and expressing trust)

A recent study of married and romantically involved couples found that the level of commitment was related to six sets of behaviors:

Affinity strategy ex. present yourself as in control look and dress attractively present yourself as hones and reliable ect.

A strategy we use to increase others' liking us.

friendship based intimacy

A type of intimacy based on feelings of warmth, understanding, and emotional connection.

passion-based intimacy

A type of intimacy based on romantic and sexual feelings.

1. Cultural similarities exist across cultures, creating common ground that nurtures the development of friendship—for example, sharing the same passion for soccer as someone from Brazil or a love of anime with someone from Japan. 2. Cultural differences can actually heighten interest in the other person and prompt initial conversations. You might seek more information from someone from another culture about how their nonverbal communication code differs yours, or about the holidays they observe and how they celebrate them 3. Prior intercultural experiences help reduce uncertainty about developing friendships with people from other cultures and serve as the foundation for new friendships. Of course, this factor can be somewhat unilateral, in that you might have experience with the other person's culture, but not vice versa. 4. Targeted socializing occurs as partners move from acquaintanceship to friendship, socializing within the specific cultural or intercultural context of one of the partners, such as an American student attending a Chinese New Year's party with a Chinese classmate.

As in the development of most relationships, factors such as proximity and communication affect attraction in intercultural friendships. However, four factors have been identified that specifically affect the development of intercultural friendships.

secret test ex. flirting to gauge his or her response seperation test eliminating time together to see if we are missed

Behavior designed to indirectly determine a partner's feelings.

unrequited romantic interest

Feelings created when one partner desires a more intimate, romantic relationship than the other partner would like.

ludis

Game-playing love based on the enjoyment of another.

mania

Obsessive love driven by mutual needs.

relationship-specific social decentering

Other-oriented skills based on the knowledge and understanding gained in a specific intimate relationship.

commitment

Our intention to remain in a relationship.

pragma

Practical love based on mutual benefits. e 327). Pearson Education. Kindle Edition.

commitment to them

Providing support and comfort to others requires skill and is a testament to your

companionate love

Romantic love that develops over time as entwinement, mutual responsiveness to needs, trust, caring, and attachment increase.

passionate love

Romantic love that serves to establish attraction to, interest in, and focus on one person.

Agape

Selfless love based on giving of yourself for others.

eros

Sexual, erotic love based on the pursuit of physical beauty and pleasure.

storage

Solid love found in friendships and family, based on trust and caring.

relationship talk

Talk about the nature, quality, direction, or definition of a relationship.

Approachability Cues

The following are signals of what? establishing eye contact turning towards another person smiling being animated saying hello using open body posture winking waving

Strategies used to escalate and/or maintain relationships

The following is a list of strategies used for what? -Express emotions -provide comfort and social support -communicate and engage in relationship talk -Be tolerant and tactful -Manage conflict cooperatively

strategies used to initiate and/or escalate relationships

The following is a list of what? -communicate and Cultivate Attraction -Be open and self-disclose appropriately -Gather information to Reduce Uncertainty -Listen actively and respond effectively -Socially Decenter and Adopt an Other-Oriented perspective

manage it effectively

The key to successful relational development and maintenance is not to avoid conflict, but rather to

physical attention

The use of touch to convey emotional feelings of love and caring for another person.

uncertainty reduction theory

Theory that claims people seek information in order to reduce uncertainty, thus achieving control and predictability.

triangular theory of love

Theory that suggests that all loving relationships can be described according to three dimensions: intimacy, commitment, and passion.

Adult friendships

These friendships or relationships are from our 30's to our 60's and are considered our most valued relationships, providing emotional support, partners for activities, and socializing opportunities. friendships emerge with coworkers, neighbors, relatives, or members of organizations we become involved in. Since these often start as relationships of circumstance, they may be temporary and fade away as circumstances change, such as when someone moves or takes a new job.

relationship satisfaction with passion identified as the most important dimension for developing romantic relationships.

These three dimensions of intimacy, commitment and passion relate to?

a constant barrage of negative expressions can also alienate a partner. Not surprisingly, research has found that marital satisfaction rises with the number of positive feelings the partners disclose, not with the number of negative ones. Happy couples tend to display their positive emotional state in their smiles, laughs, and affectionate behavior; distressed couples display agitation, anger, and coldness.

When expressing emotions, why should we Make an effort to share both your positive and negative feelings, keeping in mind the need to present an overall positive disposition?

Eros Luis Storage Mania Pragma Agape

another model that defines 6 types of love found in romantic and non romantic relationships. what are the 6 types?

negative self disclosure (we are more willing to less positive things about ourselves.)

as friends grow older they tend to engage in more?

Both men and women reported that self-disclosure, emotional support, loyalty, and trust contributed the most to a sense of intimacy in their same-sex friendships. However, although men understood what contributes to intimacy, women rated all of these behaviors as more likely to produce intimacy than did men and they also appeared to have a stronger need or desire for intimacy in same-sex friendships.

expectations of same sex friends

identity

friends of different races need to guard against either overaccommodating or overassimilating—each person needs to retain his or her own racial identity while appreciating that of the other. Rather than changing to gain acceptance, interracial friends need to accept race as a part of each other's

adolescent friendships

friendship that begins at the onset of puberty around age 12, when we move away from relationships with parents and other adults and move towards peers during this time, Peer relationships influence our identity and social skills

diverse friendships

friendships and relationships that develop between people who differ in culture, age, and race.

relational rules (Such uniqueness is similar to the notion of developing a third culture)

in developing interethnic relationships, individuals seemed unaware of cultural or ethnic differences; rather, they developed a unique relationship defined by their own -____________ ___________ rather than by cultural rules.

passion

in the triangular theory of love model this dimension includes excitement, sexual interest and activity, and extreme longing.

commitment

in the triangular theory of love model this dimension includes loyalty, devotion, putting the other first, and needing each other.

intimacy

in the triangular theory of love model this dimension includes trust, caring, honesty, supportiveness, understanding, and openness.

friends with benefits FWB

not all cross sex friendships are devoid of sex. what is it called when there is both sexual and non sexual interactions

pre-interaction awareness

observing and forming an initial impression of the other person before interacting

self protection- avoiding rejection

one goal we have in initial interactions is ?

five year

one study found that committed gay and lesbian couples displayed patterns similar to those of married heterosexual couples in terms of change in satisfaction over a ______ _________ period. However, same-sex couples were more likely than opposite-sex married couples to end their relationships within those five years, perhaps because of social pressures or lack of social acceptance.

White people have difficulty seeing themselves from a racial perspective, whereas Black people have both a racial identity and feelings of being marginalized and demeaned by Whites.

prerequisites for the formations of friendships between white and black people

avoidance of relational commitment, a desire to engage in sex with a friend, a perception that such relationships are simpler and less problematic than romantic ones, a desire to feel closer to the friend , and finally just a general desire to have a friends-with-benefits experience.

reasons for engaging in FWB relationships

infatuation

relationships strong only in passion

late adult friendships

report greater relational satisfaction and less relational conflict, have a more positive perspective on conflicts that occur, express more positive messages to each other, and are more forgiving of each other. they are less likely to form new relationships Instead, they tend to maintain a small, highly valued network of long-established friends

-observe and Act on Approachability Cues -Identify andUse Conversation Starters -follow initiation norms -Ask Questions -Don't expect too much from the initial interaction

strategies used Primarily to initiate a relationship

1. Similarity of attitudes 2. An expectation that the other person will like us 3. Reciprocating self-disclosures 4. Proximity 5. Accessibility or availability

the factors that provide a good checklist of how to go about making friends:

Providing comfort and social support

the following three outcomes are directly related to ? (1) they put the distressed person in a more positive mood, (2) they empower the person to better manage the issues, and (3) they help reduce brooding (rumination) about the problems.

companionate love

the triangular theory of love provides a useful way in defining a style of love. For example a relationship that is strong in intimacy and commitment but weak in passion would be defined as ?

cross-sex friendships romantic attraction and physical/sexual attraction diminished as the relationship progressed over time, while friendship attraction increased. While sexual attraction might indeed be an issue within cross-sex relationships, it is reduced when there is a commitment to developing and maintaining the relationship as friends.

these types of friendships are facilitated by opportunities for men and women to interact non-romantically—in college, at work, and in leisure activities.

Young adult friends

this friendship occurs in our late teens through our early 30's and are linked to a succession of significant changes in our lifestyles and goals, such as going to college, getting a job, pursuing serious romantic relationships ect.

(1) encouraging the partner to express and discuss feelings, (2) recognizing and praising the efforts already being made by the partner to cope with the problem, and (3) being pleasant and respecting the partner's autonomy to make decisions—not taking over control.

three comforting behaviors that also help maintain a distressed person's face:

5 15 other friends and 20 or more in a social network

typically people have up to how many close friends?

friendship based intimacy and passion-based intimacy

what are the two forms of intimacy?

same sex friends

women define their female friendships by intimacy, whereas men define their male friendships in terms of activities. men reported having more "best friends" than women; however, women spent more hours talking with their "best" friends than men did, but the time spent talking to "close" friends was similar for both men and women. Men also reported engaging in more physical activities in groups, whereas women spent more time discussing social relationship and school issues.

five sometimes overlapping stages of childhood friendships.

●Momentary Playmates Stage (ages 3-7): We interact with those who are nearest, most accessible. ●One-Way Assistance Stage (ages 4-9): We still view friendships from a "take" perspective, as instruments to help meet our needs, rather than from a "give" or "give-andtake" perspective. ●Fair-Weather Friend Stage (ages 6-12): There is more give and take in friendships— more cooperation. Reciprocity occurs when things are going well, but the relationship is likely to end if problems and conflicts develop. ●Mutual Intimacy Stage (ages 9-15): We develop close friendships, but become possessive of these friendships and experience jealousy. ● Independence Stage (ages 12-adulthood): We tolerate friends making friends with others (being independent), while a deepening interdependence with friends leads to increased intimacy and sharing.