Chapter 2
Top 5 skills from corporate recruiters?
1. Oral comm, 2. Listening skills, 3. Adaptability, 4. Written comm, 5. Presentation skills
What is a filter of lifetime experiences?
A filter that is an accumulation of knowledge, values, expectations, and attitudes based on prior personal experience More shared experiences, the easier the communication
What is active listening? Break down into 6 skills?
A person's willingness and ability to hear and understand (1) Paying attention, (2) holding judgement, (3) reflecting, (4) clarifying, (5) summarizing (6) sharing
What is CLEM (conjugate lateral eye movement)
A rapid sideward shift of the eye; shows a person is given you ideas careful consideration and generally positive However, a longer sideways glances are often associated with discomfort
What is civility?
A show of respect for the dignity and importance of others Includes orientation toward achieving honest, open, and respectful dialogues and validating the worth of others and their work efforts
What is emotional hijacking?
A situation in which emotions control our behavior, causing us to react without thinking Prevents you from engaging in effective interpersonal communication and lead to unwanted behaviors: misrepresenting your ideas, confuse the facts, say things to others that you later regret, display frustration or anger, remain silent when you want to be heard, fail to listen to others or disengage from working relationships that are in your best interest
What is the shared meaning?
A situation in which people involved in interpersonal comm attain the same understanding about ideas, thoughts, and feelings Has many barriers like external noise, internal noise, and lifetime experiences
What is emotional intelligence? (EQ- emotional quotient)
Ability to manage effective interpersonal communication depends on this Understanding emotions, managing emotions to serve goals, empathizing with others, and effectively handling relationships with others Usually developed through conscious effort and attention to your feelings and interactions with others
What is perspective getting?
Accurately understanding the views of others; hard b/c some people hide their real views, or hold self-contradictory views, or sometimes change views
What is reflecting?
Active listening requires that you reflect on the ideas and emotion of others to make sure you really understand others and paraphrase what you're hearing Example of statements: it sounds to me like..., so, you are not happy with..., is it fair to say that you think..., let me make sure I understand...
Strategies to improve empathy?
Always attempt to place yourself in the position of others: think about the emotions and thoughts others are experiencing Anticipate how others will react during business conversations and meetings Listen to others, even when you disagree without interrupting or judging Pay attention to nonverbal behavior Practice asking good questions Think about group dynamics and the related impacts on each team member Give others undivided attention and time Get to know others
Strategies for relationship management?
Attend work-related social outings Keep records of people in your network and keep track of their skills, interests, hobbies, birthdays, and other important dates Maintain regular contact with colleagues and others in your work network Devote time to conversations on a range of topics Greet others by name and live up to your promises Collaborate more effectively with others Build up the courage to have a difficult conversation Speak up in meeting or work conversations when you usually do not; encourage others who don't usually speak to voice their thoughts and feelings
What is a bonus of being a high self awareness person?
Being able to self-reflect when they experience strong or even distressful emotions; be able to identify feelings as they occur
What is silence is agreement thinking?
Business expect you to say something if you disagree because they will presume you do agree if you don't say anything
What does touch tell us?
Can create instant bonds and establish rapport; build loyalty btw strangers and even increase honest exchange of info Impacts truthfulness
What is the visual cutoff?
Can quickly end dialogue, especially when superior visually cuts of subordinates; harsh with sideways head movements and sighs It is abruptly look away to indicate disapproval or disinterest
What is noise?
Causes distortion to or interruption of messages 4 types: physical, physiological, psychological and Semantic
What is gossip?
Common form of incivility; talking about others behind their backs;erode trust among colleagues and are often influenced by confirmation bias
Guidelines to develop sight-reading skills?
Consciously practice each day Pay attention to congruence (when nonverbal message are non consistent with verbal messages) Sight-reading in clusters, not in isolation Sight-read in context
Strategies for self-awareness?
Constantly evaluate your feelings and moods; attempt to understand your feelings as they occur Thing about your last rations to the following experience: joy, anger, self-doubt, frustration Ask yourself how certain emotions alter or distort your thinking Identify your triggers and make plans to handle them effectively Reflect on personal strengths, weaknesses, and values
What is physiological noise?
Disruptions due to physiological factors like hearing probs, illness, memory loss, Communicators may have difficulty sending messages due to physiological constraints like stuttering or sickness
What is encoding and decoding?
Encoding: process of converting meaning into messages composed of words and nonverbal signals Decoding: process of interpreting messages from others into meaning
What are strategies for self-management?
Engage in relaxation techniques to clear mind Examine strategies for overcoming impulses that compete with achieving your long-range goals Focus on how to improve for your next effort rather than dwelling on disappointments of the current failure Practice expressing positive emotions more frequently and in situations where you normally do not Talk to a trusted colleague who is effective self-manager Sleep on it Practice self-talk and visualize yourself responding effectively to challenging interpersonal issues
What are triggers?
Events that cause strong emotional reactions
What is in holding judgement?
Express a learner mindset
What is sharing?
Expressing your own perspectives and feelings
What is physical noise?
External noise that makes a message difficult to hear or receive. Ex. loud sounds
What is paying attention?
Give someone your whole attention and allow them to express themselves completely Requires active nonverbal comm like body language (eye contact, lean forward, sit up straight, nod, smile if appropriate) pay attention to the speaker's nonverbal behaviors as well
What is the difference between a good question and a closed question?
Good question- open ended Closed question- require simple responses like yes or no
Common types of incivility?
Ignoring others Treating others without courtesy Dispecting the efforts of others Disrespecting the time of others Disrespecting the privacy of others Disrespecting the dignity and worth of others (most severe)
What is sight reading?
Intelligent observations (of nonverbal comm) it is the act of anticipating in tones and moods through the perspective examination of nonverbal cues
What is psychological noise?
Interference due to attitudes, ideas, and emotions experienced during an interpersonal interaction; like having pre existing feelings or stereotypes about those they are talking to
What is summarizing?
Is to restate major themes so that you can make sense of the big issues from the perspective of other person; show that you understand the major direction of the conversation Example of statements: So, your main concern is... , it sounds like your key points are...
What are barriers to effective listening?
Lack of time Lack of patience and attention span Image of leadership (don't want to look week so do more speaking than listening) Communication technology Fear of bad news or uncomfortable information Defending (shifts conversation from active listening to speaking) "Me too" statements (drawing attention away from the speaker) Giving Advice (make people feel micromanaged)
What are the types of counterproductive questions with def? 3
Leading: intended to guide people to your way of thinking; often perceived as dishonest or manipulative (common in sales) Disguised statements: are opinions presented in question form; almost always end a learning conversation when they are used to point out flaws Cross-examination: intend to find contradictions in what others have said or done; can abruptly end learning conversations when they repeatedly call into question the credibility of others
Impacts of low and high relationship management?
Low - Focus exclusively on the task at hand without paying attention to rapport-building - Remain silent to avoid discussions about differences of opinions, or attempt to silence the dissenting opinions of others - Provide indirect and vague feedback and ideas to others - Disregard feedback and constructive criticism - Discourage dissent - Respond to others only when it's convenience High - Build rapport with others to focu on collaboration - Speak out constructively about differences of opinions - Prove direct and constructive feedback to others - Accept and even welcome feedback and constructive criticism - Encourage contrarian views - Respond to others when it is convenient for them
Impact of high and low empathy on interpersonal communication
Low: - Fail to listen carefully to clothes - Direct conversations to topics that are important to self - Avoid volunteering to help others with work assignments - Engage in me-first approach to work with colleagues High: - Attempt to understand the feelings, perspective, and needs of others - Direct conversations to topics that focus on the needs of others and self - Volunteer advice to help others as appropriate - Show a sincere interest in others: their efforts, ideas, and their success
What is the impact of low and high self-management?
Low: - Unable to control impulses - Frequently vent frustrations without a constructive work purpose - Spend a higher percentage of work conversations on small talk, gossip, and non-work related issues - React defensively and with a me-first attitude when the threats are perceived High - Control emotional impulses that are not aligned with work and relationship goals - Discuss frustrations in the context of solving probs and improving relationships - Spend a higher percentage of work conversations on work-related topics with a focus on solutions - When threats are perceived, seek to de escalate interpersonal tension and resolve issues at hand
What is the impact of low and high self awareness
Low: - Unaware of own emotional states and related impacts on communication - Unaware of triggers that lead to emotional hijacking and making jumental, rash, or unfair decisions - Unaware of strengths and weaknesses of own communication abilities High: - Aware of own emotional states and related tendencies to say the wrong thing - Aware of triggers and related tendences to say the wrong thing - Aware of strongest communication skills
What is clarifying?
Making sure you have a clear understanding of what others mean; doble checking you understand their perspective and asking them to elaborate and qualify their thoughts (more than paraphrasing) Example of statements: what are your thoughts on...? Could you repeat that? I'm not sure I understand..., Could you explain how...? What might be your role in...?
What do eyes tell you in body language?
Most influential body parts in sending nonverbal signals; using eye contact, one can build emotional connections to one another and build rapport and empathy Large dilated pupils show emotional excitement and smalls ones can show little emotional engagement
What are the most effective perspective getters and why?
Note-takers- be/c it allows you to hold better conversations, help recall conversations, and prepare for future conversations
What is the difference between optimism and pessimism?
Optimists vies failures as events that can be changed in the future; temporary setbacks and learning experiences Pessimists view failure and indications of their own incompetence or inability; dwell on the past rather than looking to the future
Reasons why defensive comments end listening?
Others often perceive them as threats or escalations and lead to self-protectiveness from all parties and reduce trust and goodwill They shift attention away from the speaker to the listening (me-centured maneuver)
What is a judger mindset?
People have their minds made up before listening carefully to others' ideas, perspectives, and experiences; view disagreement rigidly and with little possibility of finding a common ground unless the other person changes his or her views
Common approaches to improving emotional intelligence EQ?
Practicing mindfulness, reflecting on emotions and behavior, keeping a journal and practicing interpersonal skills in social situations
What are types of effective questions and def? (4) kinda big
Rapport-building: provide opportunity for asker and listener to bond through understanding of other another; break the ice for substantive conversation about the business issue Funnel: progressively break down a problem into manageable pieces, startin with a large, open-ended question and moving increasingly specific and tactical questions; once broken into smaller pieces, the asker and listener are likely to achieve shared meaning and move towarding finding solutions - General to specific and deconstruct business Probing: iterations of questions about the causes, consequences, and scope of group guest complaints attempt to look at the problem from every angle; effective at identifying root causes and best solutions Solution-oriented: form the basis for identifying options about how to move toward; are usually open, we-oriented, and offer help to others; look at what should be done to accomplish business objective
Ways to reverse the action as a colleague complains without getting caught in a negativity trap?
Reserve judgement and give your colleague the benefit of the doubt Tactfully provide counter narratives (alternative and generally positive explanations for events) Focus on solutions
What is incivility?
Rudeness and disregard for others in a manner that violates norms for respect It erodes organizational culture and can escalate into conflict, lowers individual productivity, performance, motivation, creativity, and helping behaviors, leads to delines in job satisfaction, organizational loyalty, and leadership impact
What are the 4 domains of EQ?
Self awareness, self management, empathy, relationship management
What is mitigating information?
Short-circuit moderate anger almost immediately; favorable explanations for why others have behaved a certain way
What is a learner mind-set?
Show eagerness to hear others' ideas and perspectives and listen with an open mind; don't have your mind made up before listening fully
What are judge statements?
Show they are closed off to hearing people out and shut down honest conversations
What are learner statements?
Show your commitment to hearing people out
What does smiles and nods generally tell us?
Shows interest and sometimes agreement, signal that you are interested and welcome the others thoughts Genuine smiles are good way to help others trust your intentions
8 ways to improve civility in society and the workplace?
Slow down and be present in life Listen to the voice of empathy Keep a positive attitude Respect others and grant them plenty of validation Disagree graciously and refrain from arguing Get to know people around you Pay attention to small things Ask, don't tell
What do hands and arms tell us?
Symbols of friendship, camaraderie, shared purpose, openness, hospitality, and greeting in the business world is the handshake Palm up is a welcome and friendly gesture to create a good atmosphere Palm down is unwelcome and unfriendly; less inviting to others halt hand gesture is a strong message of stop
What is a confirmation bias?
Tendency to look for support of our beliefs and opinions from others
What is empathy?
The ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them Desire to help others develop in their work responsibilities and career objectives Using listening and sight-reading nonverbal communication
What is self-management?
The ability to use awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and to direct your behavior positively; hold off current urges to meet long term intentions Know how to use both + and - emotions to meet personal and business goals
What is self-awareness?
The foundation for emotional intelligence; accurately understanding your emotions as they occur and how they affect you
Why is EQ so important?
The physiological reason that people are hardwired to experience emotions before reason
What is the interpersonal communication process?
The process of sending and receiving verbal and nonverbal messages between two or more people Exchange of simultaneous and mutual messages to share and negotiate meaning between those involved Communicators A meaning> encord and send > message in medium> receive and decode> communicator B's meaning> encode and send> message in medium> receive and decode * have internal noise, external noise, and filter of life experiences around it
What are non listening behaviors?
Those actions that prematurely deflect attention from speakers or prevent them from completely expressing their ideas and feelings Examples: "me too" statements, giving advice, and judging
What is the meaning?
Thoughts and feelings that people intend to communicate to one another
2 Ways to focus on how you can listen to others better?
Understanding the meanings of others' nonverbal signals By helping other feel more comfortable sharing their perspectives and feelings with you because you welcome nonverbal signals that you send them
What is semantic noise?
When communicators apply diff meanings to same words or phrases
What is synchronizing?
With body language involves adoption some of your counterpart's body language to make the conversation more natural for them and to show empathy to them DO NOT overwhelm or underwhelm others with your nonverbal language
