COM 220 UNIT 3

Guidelines for Effective Communication During Conflict

-Engage in dual perspective -Communicate honestly -Grow from differences -Don't sweat the small stuff

Guidelines for Communicating in Romantic Relationships

-Engage in dual perspective -Practice safer sex -Manage conflict constructively -Adapt communication to maintain long-distance relationships

Destructive

-Exit -Neglect

Active

-Exit -Voice

What this definition implies?

-Expressed tension -Interdependence -Perceived incompatible goals -The felt need for resolution

Guidelines for Effective Communication During Conflict

-Focus on the overall communication system -Aim for win-win conflict -Show grace when appropriate -Time conflict purposefully -Honor yourself, your partner and the relationship

The Development of Friendship

-Growth Stages --Relationship rules -Deterioration Stages

Consensual

-High conversation -High conformity

Pluralistic

-High conversation -Low conformity

Agape (agapic)

-Kind, unselfish love -Purple

Operations to Conflict

-Lose-lose -Win-lose -Win-win

Ludus (ludic)

-Love as a game -Yellow

Storge (storgic)

-Love as friendship or companionship -Blue

Protective

-Low conversation -High conformity

Laissez-faire

-Low conversation -Low conformity

Five Issues Related to Identifying Love Style

-Most of us have a combination of styles -Styles of love are not necessarily permanent -A love style is part of an overall interpersonal system, so it is affected by all other aspects of a relationship -Individual styles of love are not good or bad in an absolute sense; what matters is how partners' styles fit together -Love styles perceived appropriateness, or desirability, varies across cultures

Passive

-Neglect -Loyalty

Mania (manic)

-Obsessive, jealous, addictive -Orange

Dimensions of Romantic Relationships: The Triangle of Love

-Passion -Intimacy -Commitment

Eros (erotic)

-Passionate, romantic love -Red

Family Communication Patterns

-Pluralistic -Consensual -Laissez-faire -Protective

Internal tensions

-Relational dialectics -Diverse communication styles -Sexual attraction

Social Media and Conflict

-Social media offer us a range of ways to make friends and to maintain existing friendships -Many online friendships are not as rich and close as face to face friendships -Social media can be used to engage in cyberbullying

Unproductive conflict communication

-The early stages -The middle stages -The later stages

Pragma

-Very pragmatic/practical approach to love -Green

Constructive

-Voice -Loyalty

The Nature of Friendship

-Willingness to invest -Emotional closeness --Closeness through dialogue --Closeness through doing -Acceptance -Trust -Support

Communication in Families

-Words -Thoughts -Emotions

The Family Life Cycle

1. Establishing a family 2. Enlarging a family 3. Developing a family 4. Encouraging independence 5. Launching children 6. Postlaunching of children 7. Retirement

Win-win

Both are happy

Lose-lose

Both are unhappy

Deterioration

It happens through a five-stage sequence: 1. Intrapsychic processes 2. Dyadic processes 3. Social support 4. Grave-dressing processes 5. Resurrection processes

Social media have introduced new

challenges for people seeking romance such as deception

Interpersonal conflict

exists when there is expressed tension between people who are interdependent, perceive they have incompatible goals, and feel a need to resolve those differences

Navigation

is the ongoing process of staying committed and living a life together despite ups and downs and pleasant and unpleasant surprises 1. Relational culture 2. Placemaking 3. Everyday interaction

Once couples in long-distance relationships relied on letters and expensive plane tickets and long distance calls to maintain contact, whereas today

people can use skype and text to stay in touch

Before social media esited, people's choices of relationship partners were largely limited to

people they encountered face to face, whereas today they use online matching services

The more people communicate online with romantic partners, the less

skilled they are in managing conflict and asserting themselves

When it comes to dealing with conflict, social media offers a key advantage over face to face communication

we can pause

Responses to Conflict

-Active -Constructive -Passive -Destructive

6 Styles of Loving

-Agape (agapic) -Storge (storgic) -Pragma -Eros (erotic) -Mania (manic) -Ludus (ludic)

Conflict management skills

-Attend to the relationship level of meaning -Communicate supportively -Listen mindfully -Take responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and issues -Check perceptions -Look for points of agreement -Look for ways to preserve the other's face -Imagine how you'll feel in the future

External pressures

-Competing demands -Personal changes -Geographic distance

Principles of Conflict

1. Conflict is natural in most Western relationships 2. Conflict may be expressed overtly or covertly 3. Social groups shape the meaning of conflict behaviors -Cultural difference regarding conflict -Differences among social communities 4. Conflict can be managed well or poorly 5. Conflict can be good for individuals and relationships

Growth: there are six growth stages

1. Individuality 2. Invitational Communication --Hooking up --Environmental spoiling 3. Explorational Communication 4. Intensifying Communication 5. Revising Communication 6. Commitment

Guidelines for Effective Communication in Families

1. Maintain equity in family relationships 2. Make daily choices that enhance intimacy 3. Show respect and consideration 4. Don't swear the small stuff

Win-lose

One compromises, one doesn't

Digital and online communication can

exacerbate conflict "flaming"