COMM 110 chapter 4

reappraisal

Actively changing how you think about the meaning of emotion-eliciting situations so that their emotional impact is changed. the most fruitful strategy for engaging difficult and unavoidable emotions. it effective because you employ it before a full-blown emotional reaction commences. it requires little effort compared to trying to suppress or control your emotions after they've occurred. it produces interpersonal communication that is partner-focused and perceived as engaged and emotionally responsive. it is accomplished in two steps: -before or during an encounter that you suspect will trigger an undesired emotion in yourself, call to mind the positive aspects of the encounter. -consider the short- and longterm consequences of your actions. Think about how communicating positively in the here and now will shape future outcomes in constructive ways. You can use reappraisal to effectively manage problematic positive emotions as well.

preventing emotions

An alternative to managing emotions after they occur is to prevent unwanted emotions from happening in the first place. Four strategies are commonly used for this: -encounter avoidance -encounter structuring -attention focus -deactivation

managing emotions after they occur

One strategy for managing emotions is to try to modify or control them after we become aware of them The two most common ways people manage emotions after they have been triggered are suppression and venting.

deactivation

Systematically desensitizing yourself to emotional experience. This can sometimes trigger deep depression

Grief

The intense sadness that follows a substantial loss, something each of us will experience

Jefferson strategy

When a person says or does something that makes you angry, count slowly to 10 before you speak or act. If you are very angry, count slowly to 100; then speak or act. effective because it creates a delay between the event that triggered your anger, the accompanying arousal and awareness, and your communication response this delay allows your arousal to diminsh somewhat, therefore allowing you to communicate in less exxtreme, and possibly inappropriate ways. It also gives you time for critical self-reflection, perception-checking, and empathy especially effective for computer mediated communication

passion

a blended emotion, a combination of surprise and joy coupled with a number of positive feelings, such as excitement, amazement, and sexual attraction. the longer and better you know someone, the less passion you will experience toward that person on a daily basis. When it comes to passion, the best you can hope for in long-term romantic relationships is a warm afterglow

Anger

a negative primary emotion that occurs when you are blocked or interrupted from attaining an important goal by what you see as the improper action of an external agent almost always triggered by someone or something external to us and is driven by our perception that the interruption is unfair causes perceptual errors that enhance the likelihood we will respond in a verbally and physically violent fashion toward others

rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT)

a way for therapists to help neurotic patients systematically purge themselves of detrimental beliefs (beliefs: "I must be outstandingly competent or I am worthless," "Others must treat me considerately or they are absolutely rotten," and "The world should always give me happiness or I will die") includes 5 steps: -call to mind common situations that cause you to be upset. -identify irrational beliefs about your self and others that are tied to these situations. -consider the emotional, behavioral, and relational consequences that you suffer as a result of these beliefs—negative outcomes that you would like to change. -critically challenge these beliefs, disputing their validity. -identify more accurate and realistic beliefs about yourself, others, and the world at large that lead to more positive emotional, behavioral, and relational outcomes, and embrace these beliefs fully.

emotion

an occasional, intense reaction to a substantial event that involves: -interpreting event meaning (When an emotion-inducing event occurs, we engage in the same perceptual process as we do with other types of interpersonal events—selecting, organizing, and interpreting information) -becoming physiologically aroused -labeling the experience as emotional -managing reactions (how we each experience and express our emotions is constrained by historical, cultural, relational, and situational norms) -communicating through emotional displays and disclosures (the choices you make regarding emotion management are reflected outward in your verbal and nonverbal displays)

emotional challenges

anger, lack of empathy online, passion, and grief

emotion management

attempts to influence which emotions you have, when you have them, and how you experience and express them the practical issue is not whether you will manage your emotions but how you can do so in ways that improve your interpersonal communication and relationships.

encounter structuring

intentionally avoiding specific topics that you know will provoke unwanted emotion during encounters with others

attention focus

intentionally devoting your attention only to aspects of an event or encounter that you know will not provoke an undesired emotion

factors that contribute to happiness

interpersonal relationships, faith, and health lifestyles

venting

inverse of suppression, allowing emotions to dominate our thoughts and explosively expressing them. May be positive or negative.

moods

low-intensity states that are not caused by particular events and typically last longer than feelings or emotions the slow-flowing emotional currents in our everyday lives. Feelings and emotions ride on top of these currents powerfully influence our perception. People in positive moods aren't especially good perceivers. also influence our communication. people in good moods are more likely to disclose relationship thoughts and concerns

managing anger

negative strategoes (suppression and venting) positive strategies (encounter avoidance, encounter structuring, reappraisal, and the Jefferson strategy) suppression: -Occasional suppression can be constructive. -But, always suppressing anger can cause physical and mental problems, such as putting yourself in a near constant state of arousal and negative thinking (known as chronic hostility). Chronically hostile people tend to be they tend to b difficult, self-involved, demanding, and ungenerous venting: -many people view this strategy as helpful and healthy, because they bleieve in the concept of catharsis (which holds that openly expressing your emotions enables you to purge them) -but, research suggests that while venting may provide a temporary sense of pleasure, it actually boosts anger.

managing lack of empathy online

Compensate for the online empathy deficit by investing intense effort into perspective-taking and empathic concern. Communicate these aspects of empathy directly to your online partners. Integrate into your online messages questions that seek the other person's perspectives, validate their views when they provide them, communicate empathic concern, and if you receive what looks like an angry message, convey that you recognize the other person is angry and that you feel bad about it. Expect and be tolerant of any aggressive messages you receive, accepting that such behavior is a natural outcome of the online environment rather than evidence that other people are mean or rude. Avoid crafting and sending angry online messages in the heat of the moment

managing grief

emotion-sharing: -talking about your grief with others who are experiencing or have experienced similar pain, or people who are skilled at providing you with much-needed emotional support and comfort. -When you share your grief, you feel powerfully connected with others, and this sense of connection can be a source of comfort -You also gain affirmation that the grief process you're experiencing is normal. -other participants in a support group can help you remember that grief does get gradually more bearable over time. -online support offers a viable alternative, they make support accessible to those unable to attend physical meetings and they provide a certain degree of anonymity (which is important as many people find it easier to discuss sensitive topics online) comforting others: -many try to suppress grief, due to the widespread belief that it's important to maintain a stoic bearing -a person who uses suppression to manage grief can end up experiencing stress-related disorders, such as chronic anxiety or depression -the best waty to help others manage their greif is to engage in supportive communication

primary emotions

emotions that involve unique and consistent behavioral displays across cultures. They include surprise, joy, disgust, anger, fear, and sadness (at least in north america, there are cultural variations) Some situations provoke especially intense primary emotions. We often use different words to describe the emotion, even though what we're experiencing is simply a more intense version of the same primary emotion high intensity counterparts of primary emotions: -surprise = amazement -joy = ecstasy -disgust = loathing -anger = rage -fear = terror -sadness = grief

suppression

inhibiting thoughts, arousal, and outward behavioral displays of emotion the desire to suppress stems from the recognition that feeling, thinking, and openly communicating certain emotions would be relationally, socially, or culturally inappropriate. occurs most commonly with negative emotions, especially anger and sadness (because displays of pleasant emotions elicit favorable responses from others, whereas the expression of negative emotions often drives other people away) the most widely practiced strategy for managing unavoidable and unwanted emotions. its effectiveness is marginal because you are trying to modify the intense arousal you are already experiencing, the thoughts you are already thinking, and the body's natural inclination to display this arousal and these thoughts in the form of expressions

personality and emotions

of the big five personality traits, three strongly influence our experience and communication of emotion. extraversion -the degree to which one is outgoing and sociable versus quiet and reserved. -High extraversion extraversion people experience positive emotions more frequently than do low-extraversion people, apparently due to enhanced sensitivity to positive events -they also rate themselves as better able to cope with stress and more skilled at managing their emotional communication agreeableness: -the degree to which someone is trusting, freidnly, and cooperative -people high in agreeableness report being happier in general, better able to manage stress, and more skilled at managing their emotional communication -they also score substantially higher on measures of emotion management and are rated by their peers as having superior emotion management skills neuroticism: -The tendency to think negative thoughts about oneself -High-neurotic people focus their attention primarily on negative events -they report more frequent negative emotions ans rate themselves as less happy overall -also describe themselves as less skilled at emotional communication and they test lower on scientific measures of emotion management

lack of empathy online

people are more liekly to inappropriately express their emotions online. This phenomenon is explained by two features of online interaction (asynchronicity and invisibility) much of online communication is asynchronous (we don't interact with others in real time but instead exchange messages that are read and responded to at later points. We know that there will likely be responses to our messages, but we choose when (and if) we view those responses. This predisposes us to openly express emotions that we might otherwise conceal if we knew the response would be immediate. Online communication also provides us with a sense of invisibility. Consequently, we feel distant from the consequences of our messages. This may have a neurological basis. Our ability to experience empathy is neurologically tied to our ability to perceive feedback. Online, without the ability to perceive others' immediate responses to our communication, it's difficult for us to experience empathy and to adjust our communication in ways that maintain appropriateness. We're less able to perspective-take and to feel empathic concern. Therefore, we're more likely to express negative emotions in blunt, tactless, and inappropriate ways.

forces that shape how we experience and express emotions

personality and gender

supportive communication

sharing messages that express emotional support and that offer personal assistance Competent support messages convey sincere expressions of sympathy and condolence, concern for the other person, and encouragement to express emotions. Incompetent support messages tell a person how he or she should feel or indicate that the individual is somehow inadequate or blameworthy. to improve supportive communication, one must: -Make sure the person is ready to talk. -Find the right place and time. -Ask good questions (refrain from saying "I know just how you feel.") If you suspect a person is contemplating suicide, ask him or her directly about it. -Legitimize, don't minimize. -Listen actively -Offer advice cautiously. -Show concern and give praise.

feelings

short-term emotional reactions to events that generate only limited arousal they arise frequently in response to everyday incidents and do not typically trigger attempts to manage their experience or expression

encounter avoidance

staying away from people, places, or activities that you know will provoke emotions you don't want to experience

emotion-sharing

talking about emotional experiences with others

emotional intelligence

the ability to interpret emotions accurately and to use this information to manage emotions, communicate them competently, and solve relationship problems people with high degrees of emotional intelligence typically possess four skills: -​Acute understanding of their own emotions -​Ability to see things from others' perspectives and have a sense of compassion regarding others' emotional states (empathy) -Aptitude for constructively managing their own emotions -Capacity for harnessing their emotional states in ways that create competent decision making, communication, and relationship problem solving people with high EI experience a broad range of positive outcomes: -more likely to garner trust, inspire followers, and be perceived as having integrity -less likely to bully or use violence to get what they want -find it easier to forgive relational partners who have wronged them because of their strong empathy and skill at emotion management Of the skills that constitute emotional intelligence, emotion management is arguably the most important one to improve because it directly influences your communication choices and the outcomes that result

blended emotions

the experience of two or more primary emotions simultaneously

emotional contagion

when the experience of the same emotion rapidly spreads from one person to others. can be positive or negative, and sometimes even disastrous

gender and emotions

women report more sadness, fear, shame, and guilt than men men report feeling more anger and other hostile emotions in western cultures, gender differences in emotion derive in part from differences in how men and women orient to interpersonal relationships Women are more likely than men to express emotions that support relationships and suppress emotions that assert their own interests over another's. As a consequence, women may feel sadness more often than men because sadness, unlike anger, isn't directed outward at another person; thus, it doesn't threaten relationships. Sadness communicates personal vulnerability and signals the need for comforting from others, By contrast, anger conveys a motivation to achieve one's own goals or to take satisfaction in one's success over another's however, when men and women experience the same emotions, there is no difference in the intensity of the emotion experienced