Counseling The CoDependent : A Christian Perspective. Utilizing Temperament Workbook
List 27 of the Phlegmatic's 32 Potential Strengths along with their corresponding Codependent Tendencies as found on pages 123=124
1. Calm and quiet (forfeiture). 2. Happy yet unexciting (forfeiture). 3. Not easily agitated regardless of circumstances, won't make waves. (Forfeiture) 4. Usually avoids violence (fear). 5. Motto: peace at all cost (sufficiency). 6. Easy going, good listener, (importance). 7. Seldom angry, high boing point (importance). 8. Most likable, easy going importance). 9. Most well rounded, task or people oriented ( importance). 10. Equally motivated by reward and punishment (importance). 11. Dependable ,consistent (sufficiency). 12. Faithful friend like Melancholy, but does not get too involved (sufficiency). 13. Very capable beneath laid back personality (sufficiency). 14. Objective, usually kindhearted and sympathetic, but seldom conveys his true feelings. (sufficiency, deception). 15. Natural peacemaker (forfeiture). 16. Life unexciting but pleasant experience while avoiding too much involvement. (forfeiture). 17. Can tolerate unaffectionate people (forfeiture). 18. Born diplomat (forfeiture). 19. Avoids confrontation by negotiating ( deception). 20. Won't rock the boat (fear). 21. Can handle Cholerics and hostile people. ( contempt). 22. Humorous, enjoys a good joke, capable wit. (importance). 23. Efficient, organized, and practical; not prone to making sudden decisions; tendency to find practical solutions ( importance). 24. Can do best work under pressure ( importance) 25. Can do routine, tedious, detailed tasks better than other temperaments ( sufficiency). 26. Not a perfectionist, but has high standards of accuracy and precision (sufficiency). 27. Reliable, outstanding church worker ( sufficiency).
List the Choleric's 19 Potential Weaknesses and their corresponding Codependent Tendencies as found on page 142.
1. Cold and unemotional (sufficiency) 2. Most unaffectionate of all temperaments (fear) 3. Emotional rigidity; seldom shows tears. (deception). 4. Often insensitive to others needs and feelings ( anger, fear) 5. Self sufficient an independent ( importance, sufficiency, deception, fear). 6. Impetuous ( Importance ) 7. Tendency to start projects and then regret it later (deception). 8. Difficult to apologize to others (sufficiency, fear). 9. Domineering (importance) 10. Will seek out an use weaker people ( deception) 11. Will caretake and control others (deception). 12. Unforgiving (anger). 13. Can carry a grudge forever (anger) 14. Revengeful (anger) 15. Sarcastic ( importance, anger) 15. can be very blunt and cruel ( importance, anger, deception). 17. Angry, (anger) 18. Extremely hostile person (Importance) 19. Can cause pain to others and enjoy it. (sufficiency).
List 25 of the 33 LOW SELF WORTH codependency patterns found on pages 13-14.
1. Come from troubled, repressed, or dysfunctional families. 2. Deny their family was troubled, repressed, or dysfunctional. 3. Blame themselves for everything. 4. Pick on themselves for everything, including the way they think , feel, look, act, and behave. 5. Be angry, defensive, self-righteous, and indignant when others blame and criticize the codependents— something codependents do to themselves. 6 reject complements or praise. 7. Get depressed from a lack of compliments and praise (stroke deprivation). 8. Feel different than the rest of the world. 9. Think they are not quite good enough. 10. Feel guilty about spending money on themselves or doing unnecessary or fun things for themselves. 11. Fear rejection. 12. Take things personally. 13. Have been victims of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse, neglect, abandonment or alcoholism. 14. Feel like victims. 15. Tell themselves they cant do anything right. 16. Be afraid of making mistakes. 17. Wonder why they have a tough time making decisions. 18. Expect themselves to do everything perfectly. 19. Wonder why they cant get anything done to their satisfaction. 20. Have a lot of "shoulds." 21. Feel a lot of guilt. 22. Feel ashamed of who they are. 23. Think their lives aren't worth living. 24. Try to help other people live their lives instead. 25. Get artificial feeling of self-worth from, helping others. 26. Get strong feelings of low-self worth —embarrassment, failure, etc, — from other peoples failures and problems. 27.wish good things would happen to them. 28. Believe good things never will happen. 29. Believe they dont deserve good things and happiness. 30. Wish other people would like and love them. 31. Believe other people could not possibly like and love them. 32. Try to prove they're good enough for other people. 33. Settle for being needed.
When temperament is pinpointed and understood, we can use this knowledge to point clients in a direction that will give them self-knowledge in many areas of life. This can lead towards: 1-5
1. Deeper self-awareness 2. Stronger, more fulfilling marriages, family relationships and friendships 3. Appropriate decision making strategies 4, better career and hobby choices 5. Healthy ways to counter act stress and pressure 6. Development of spiritual maturity
According to Scott Peck, the four basic techniques of easing the suffering of life's inevitable problems are:
1. Delaying gratification. 2. Accepting responsibility for self. 3. Telling the truth and being dedicated to reality. 4. Bracketing ego needs for the sake of spiritual growth.
List the acts that constitute a rescuing "move" as listed on pages 57-58.
1. Doing something for someone although that person is capable of and should be doing for himself. 2 meeting people's needs without being asked and and before we've agreed to do so. 3. Saying yes when we mean no. 4. Consistently giving more than we receive in a particular situation. 5. Fixing people's feelings. 6. Doing people's thinking for them. 7. Speaking for another person. 8. Suffering people's consequences for them. 9. Solving people's problems for them. 10. Doing more than a fair share of work after our help is requested. 11. Putting more interest and activity into a joint effort than the other person does. 12. Not asking for what we want, need, desire. 13. Doing something we really don't want to do but should in order to lesson our feelings of guilt or worthlessness.
List the Minirth Meier Ten Stages of Recovery on pages 64-65
1. Exploration and Discovery: You will explore your past and present to discover the truth about you. 2. Relationship History/Inventory: you'll examine and perhaps reset your personal boundaries. 3.Addiction Control: you'll get a handle on your addiction and compulsions and take the first steps toward mastering them. 4.Leaving home and saying goodbye: you'll say the goodbyes appropriate to healing. you may think you did that years ago. probably you didn't . 5. Grieving your loss: grieving is both the bottom of the curve, the very pit your emotions and feelings, and also the start upward. it's almost like your dentist hanging up his drill. you know he's not done yet, but the worst is over. 6. New self perceptions: you will gain fresh perceptions about yourself and make new decisions. what an eye opener this stage is! 7. New experiences: you will build a foundation of new experiences to bolster the decisions you've just made. 8. Reparenting: you will rebuild your past in a sense, and also the present and future, as you become involved in what we call reparenting. 9. Relationship accountability: you will establish accountability for your new and refreshed personal relationships. 10. Maintenance: you will embark on a maintenance program that will keep you on track for the remainder of your life.
A Choleric's fear in codependency is is pride based. It is about : 1. 2. 3.
1. Fear of failure, they must succeed at all costs 2. Fear of losing face because they see themselves as infallible 3. The fear of losing control which gives them an illusion of power.
List 9 of the 13 OBSESSION codependency patterns found on pages 14-15.
1. Feel terribly anxious about problems and people. 2 worry about the silliest things. 3 think and talk a lot about other people. 4 lose sleep over problems or other people's behavior. 5. Worry. 6. Never find answers. 7. Check on people. 8. Try to catch people in acts of misbehavior. 9 feel unable to quit talking, thinking, and worrying about other people or problems. 10. Abandon their routine because they are so upset about somebody or something. 11. Focus all their energy on other people and problems. 12. Wonder why they never hav any energy. 13. Wonder why they cant get things done.
Learning about her true temperament had a powerful impact, which included; 3 main things:
1. Gave herself permission to have more time alone without guilt, and dismiss social expectations she had always placed on herself. 2. She readily accepted that she was not an outgoing people person even though she knows how to present that way. 3. Another layer of performance expectations fell away as she came back to herself.
List 19 of the Melancholy's 24 Potential Strengths along with their corresponding Codependent Tendencies as found on pages 113-114.
1. Gifted genius prone/usually high I.Q (importance,deception) 2. Analytical, hound for detail and facts. ( importance, deception) 3. Analytical ability causes him to diagnose accurately. ( importance, deception) 4. Love of truth and dependability. ( forfeiture, deception) 5. Will abide by rules. ( forfeiture, deception)6. More oriented to tasks than people. (forfeiture, deception) 7. Self-Sacrificing, prefers background to limelight. (forfeiture)8. Will work around the clock to meet deadlines. ( forfeiture) 9. Becomes involved in good causes. (fear, obsession) 10. Extremely, self - disciplined. (sufficiency)11. Usually knows own limitations. (sufficiency) 12. Usually won't waste words, verbally precise. (importance) 13. Faithful friend, seldom extends to meet people, let's people come to him. (forfeiture, fear) 14. Most dependable of all temperaments. ( fear) 15. Strong desire to be loved, but difficult to communicate feelings. (fear) 16. Faithfulness comes naturally. (forfeiture) 17. Strong perfectionistic tendencies. ( Importance, sufficiency) 18. Due to introspection often relives past events/decisions thinking how he could improve if given another opportunity. (fear, obsession) 19. Most sensitive of all; good intercessors. (fear)
List 20 of the Sanguine's 25 potential weaknesses and their corresponding codependencies as as found on page 150.
1. Great appeal for the opposite sex, faces more temptations than other temperament (contempt, forfeiture) 2. Greatest weakness is lack of discipline ( forfeiture) 3. Rarely profits from mistakes or plans ahead ( forfeiture) 4. Usually disorganized (closets, offices, rooms ) (forfeiture) 5. Usually not good student, lack of concentration ( contempt) 6. Without limelight there is procrastination ( deception) 7. Terrible record keeper (anger) 8. Emotionally unstable, more emotional than all other temperaments except melancholy (forfeiture, anger, fear) 9. Cries easily watching TV ( contempt) 10. Discouraged easily,drift into excusing weaknesses and feeling sorry for self. (contempt, deception) 11. Lack of emotional consistency limits vocationally, destroys spiritually. ( forfeiture, deception) 12. Blows off steam quickly (. Anger) 13. Intense fear of rejection, will sacrifice morals for acceptance ( fear, obsession, deception ) 14. Unproductive, often impractical and discouraged (contempt) 15. Easily excited; tends to run off half-cocked in the wrong direction (forfeiture) 16. Very active and restless, non - productive ( deception) 17. Egocentric, egotistical, sharp dresser (importance, deception) 18. Obnoxious, dominates the whole conversation (deception) 19. Tendency to talk about self thinking that it is of real,interest to the other person. (deception) 20. Exaggerates - fish stories invented by sanguines ( fear, importance)
List the CONTROLLING codependency patterns on page 15.
1. Have lived through events and with people that were out of control, causing the codependents sorrow and disappointment 2. Become afraid to let other people be who they are and allow events to happen naturally. 3. Don't see or deal with their fear of loss of control. 4. Think they know best how things should turn out and how people should behave. 5. Try to control events and people through helplessness, guilt, coercion, threats, advice giving, manipulation, or domination. 6. Eventually fail in their efforts or provoke peoples anger. 7. Get frustrated and angry. 8. Feel controlled by events and people.
List the two most easily identified "tip offs" counselors need to be aware of to discern if codependent issues are affecting a client. 1. ( 2-4 sentences) 2. ( 2 sentences)
1. Having a relationship, personally or professionally, with troubled, needy, or dependent people. (Alcoholics/substance abusers; workaholics; obese people; difficult children; very ill family members; physically or emotionally abusive people, etc.). 2. Adhering to a system of unwritten, dysfunctional rules that usually develop in the immediate family and set the pace for relationships. ( don't Talk, don't trust, don't feel, be perfect, etc.)
Relieving the codependent's inner conflict and pattern of "de-selfing" will bring positive results quickly. List, according to Melody Beattie on pages 99-100, the 15 components of self-care.
1. Learn to detach and to stop obsessing about people and problems. 2. Doing family of origin work. 3. Nurturing your inner child. 4. Quit looking for happiness out there. 5. Becoming undependent, learn to depend on self and on God. 6. Taking care of self goal setting , 12 step program etc. 7. Learning to solve own problems, make decisions, have choices, be responsible, forgive self. 8. Feeling your feelings even if they are unpleasant, don't be afraid, feelings can give you good information. 9. Tending to your own affairs, leave others lone. 10. Letting others care for themselves for a change. 11. Stopping rescuing/caretaking and learn about care giving. 12. Giving self what you need: rest, peace, space, a challenge, a good time, /fun, a better job, friends, etc. 13. Setting boundaries in relationships so you are not overwhelmed by others demands/needs. 14. Learning communication skills, saying what you mean, being direct and honest about your needs and your feelings. Experiment with saying no and living through it. 15. Trusting
In the Melancholy Case Study on pages 118-121, what two categories did the client's codependency fit into?
1. Obedience to a false system of rules 2. A mode for spiritual striving
List 17 of the Sanguine's 22 potential strengths and their corresponding codependency tendencies as found on page 149.
1. Outgoing ( deception) 2. Super extrovert ( deception) 3. Excels at communication ( deception) 4. Loves the limelight ( deception) 5. Responsive, very touchy , likes hugs , handshakes, ( Importance) 6. Able to make people feel important ( Importance) 7. Warm and friendly, life of the party ( deception) 8. A people person ( deception) 9. Appears more confident then in reality ( deception, fear) 10. Talkative , good conversationalist ( deception, fear) 11. Uses many adjectives in conversing ( deception, fear) 12. Enthusiastic, has no problem starting projects ( sufficiency , deception) 13. Often in a lively mood ( sufficiency, deception) 14. Usually a morning person ( sufficiency, deception) 15. Lives for the day with little preparation ( forfeiture, deception) 16. Compassionate, tender heart, cries easily ( forfeiture) 17. Forgives easily ( forfeiture)
List the repression codependency patterns found on page 14.
1. Push their thoughts and feelings out of their awareness because of fear and guilt. 2. Become afraid to let themselves be who they are. 3. Appear rigid and controlled. 4. Become numb emotionally, feeling nothing, appearing passive.
Alcoholics' recovery and hope lie in their ability to : 1. _________________________________________________________________________________2._____________________________________________________________________________3.________________________________________________________________________
1. Recognize their need for help. 2. Their desire to stop drinking. 3. Willingness to admit they cannot deal with the problem by themselves.
List the Supine's 15 Potential Strengths and their corresponding Codependent Tendencies as found on page 131.
1. Relationship oriented (contempt) 2. Likes to socialize but must be invited (contempt) 3. Will not initiate relationships but deeply wants to. ( contempt) 4. High need to be recognized (forfeiture). 5. High need for love and affection (forfeiture). 6. Will be good friend if treated right. ( forfeiture) 7. Gentle spirit. 8. Most kind and gentle of all the temperaments. 9.Naturally has much "Fruit of the Spirit". 10. Servant ( forfeiture). 11. Accommodates others at own expense (forfeiture). 12. Usually overextends self (forfeiture/contempt). 13. Diligent ( forfeiture). 14. Will be diligent to receive recognition (forfeiture). 15. Will be task oriented to build relationships. ( forfeiture).
Seven traits of codependency pages 104-107 . Seven answers 1 thru 7:
1. Self - forfeiture resigned to helplessness 2. Self contempt resigned to worthlessness. 3. Self - importance desperate to control 4. Self sufficiency - desperate to stay safe 5. Self deception - committed to denial. 6. Anger 7. Fear/obsession
List 23 of the Choleric's 28 Potential strengths and their corresponding Codependent Tendencies as found on pages 141-142.
1. Strong willed. (importance) 2. Very determined (importance) 3. Not moved by opinions of others (importance). 4. Independent. (sufficiency). 5. Others' disagreement will not prevent him from acting. (sufficiency) 6. Other's opinions of his projects matter little. (sufficiency) 7. Visionary, adventuresome, will leave security for unknown challenge. (importance) 8. Pioneering spirit. Importance) 9. Appraises a situation without seeing the pitfalls or problems, only the end goal. (deception) 10. Does not need stimulation from environment. (sufficiency) 11. Stimulates his environment with ideas ambitions, and plans. (importance) 12. Practical, happiest doing worthwhile project (importance). 13. Keen eye for organization, but detail work distressing (importance). 14. Productive, workaholic tendencies (importance) 15. Most productive of all the temperaments (fear) 16. Thrives on activities ( fear) 17. Singleness of purpose brings results (sufficiency). 18. Decisive, able to quickly appraise a situation and diagnose the most practical solution ( importance) 19. Decisions more intuition than analysis (deception). 20. Good judge of people . 21. Strong leadership tendencies (Importance ). 22. Forcefulness needed to dominate a group (anger). 23. Self disciplined.
List 26 of the Melancholy's 31 Potential Weaknesses along with their corresponding Codependent Tendencies as found on pages 114-115.
1. Tendency to be moody and depressed (deception, fear, anger) 2. Moodiness often results from pattern of self-centered thinking. (contempt) 3. Most naturally self-centered of all temperaments ( sufficiency, Importance). 4. Inclined to excessive mental self examination (deception, fear, contempt). 5. Prone to suspicion, feels people are against against him, possible self-persecution complex (fear, obsession). 6. Low self-esteem/fear of rejection (fear/contempt). 7. Can appear arrogant , aloof (anger or fear). 8. Fear of appearing incompetent or out of control (fear, importance, sufficiency) 9. Pessimism, leads to indecision's and fear of making decisions due to fear of being wrong/not perfect (fear, sufficiency) 10.severe fear of economic failure ( fear, obsession). 11. Difficult time forgiving past hurts and disappointments; tends to become bitter/focus on negative points. Of relationship; can be vengeful (deception, forfeiture, anger) 12. Most critical of all (importance). 13. Tends to be unyielding in expectations of other/cannot happily take less than their best. (importance) 14. Criticism, if not spoken, then given non-verbally (sufficiency, anger). 15. Tends to see the bad, not the good (fear). 16. Cholerics are hard to please/ Melancholies are impossible to satisfy (deception). 17. Touchy, thin-skinned, handle with kid gloves ( deception). 18. Angry outbursts common, can ventilate by throwing objects or being physically abusive (anger) 19. Unsociable, an introvert, although sometimes will appear to be extrovert. (contempt, deception). 20. Needs time to warm up to people (fear). 21. Usually comfortable w/small group of friends. (fear). 22. Difficulty in being direct, communicating or expressing feelings (fear). 23. Independent (importance). 24. Stubborn; self-willed; strong-minded. (sufficiency). 25. Not motivated by punishment or reward (sufficiency). 26. Too analytical about God, must yield will and find deep relationship. (deception, fear).
According to Kenneth Schmidt on page 57, List the three kinds of pain that are necessary in life.
1. The first kind of pain is due to our alienation from God for it is necessary to get our attention and end denial. 2. The second kind of pain we experience is that which comes in working out our relationship with God. 3. The third pain we need is that resulting from our own actions. It helps us to mature as we learn the realities of life from our mistakes.
List 19 of the 24 caretaking codependency patterns found on pages 12=13.
1. Think and feel responsible for other people —for other people's feelings thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well being, and ultimate destiny 2. Feel anxiety, pity , and guilt, when other people have a problem. 3. Feel compelled— almost forced— to help that person solve the problem, such as offering unwanted advice, giving a rapid fire series of suggestions, or fixing feelings. 4. Feel angry when their help isn't effective. 5. Anticipate other peoples needs. 6. Wonder why others don't do the same for them. 7. Find themselves saying yes when they mean no, doing things they don't really want to be doing, doing more than their fair share of the work, and doing things other people are capable of doing for themselves. 10. Find it easier to feel and express anger about injustices done to others, rather than injustices done to themselves. 11. Feel safest when giving. 12. Feel insecure and guilty when somebody gives to them. 13. Find themselves attracted to needy people. 14. Find needy people attracted to them. 15. Feel bored, empty, and worthless if they don't have a crisis in their lives, a problem to solve or someone to help. 16. Abandon their routine to respond to or do something for someone else. 17. Over commit themselves. 18. Feel harried and pressured. 19. Believe deep inside other people are somehow responsible for them. 20. Blame others for the spot the codependents are in. 21. Say other people make the codependent feel the way they do. 22.believe other people are making them crazy. 23. Feel angry, victimized, unappreciated, and used. 24. Find other people become impatient or angry with them for all the preceding characteristics.
List 24 of the Phlegmatic's 29 potential weaknesses along with their corresponding Codependent tendencies as found on pages 124-125.
1. Unmotivated, slow and lazy (contempt) 2. Often appears to be dragging his feet; slow paced and lazy. (contempt). 3. Resists sanguine restlessness; choleric activity, and melancholy intensity to avoid being motivated. (fear) 4. Does only what's expected of him. (contempt). 5. Rarely instigates an activity. (contempt). 6. Low energy level (contempt). 7. Procrastinator, more than any other temperament (fear). 8. Selfish, does not like change of any kind. ( sufficiency) 9. Does not get involved (deception, sufficiency) 10. Observes and criticizes others who are involved "in the action" (sufficiency, fear). 11. Can become very self righteous (deception). 12. More selfish than other temperaments, usually so gracious few people notice (deception). Withholds affection in close personal relationships (fear, anger). 13 May observe God and stay uninvolved (deception). 14. Stingy, tighter with money than all other temperaments (fear). 15. Hoarder by nature, won't spend even for conveniences (sufficiency). 16. Most stubborn of all the temperaments; type of passive rebellion which says " make me" ( anger) 17. Administratively avoids confrontation; does his own thing anyway (deception). 18. Self-protective, not as sensitive as the Melancholy but thin skinned. (Deception, forfeiture). 19. Learns to build a hard shell from griefs and affronts ( fear). 20. Uses dry humor passive aggressively and as a defense mechanism (anger, fear). 21. Indecisive from procrastination; need to stay uninvolved; and low energy ( fear, contempt) 22. Fearful (fear) 23. Stays uninvolved to avoid decisions and confrontation (sufficiency). 24. Fears the unknown ( fear).
List 24 of the Supine's 29 Potential Weaknesses and their corresponding Codependent Tendencies as found on pages 131-132.
1. Withdrawn and downbeat, appears as introvert but actually an extrovert (forfeiture/contempt). 2. Has many interests and concerns but won't express them ( contempt/fear) 3. Characterized by low expressed behavior and high wanted/responsive behavior (deception/fear). 4. Doesn't know how to get needs met (deception). 5. Usually low self-esteem (contempt). 6. Very insecure ( contempt). 7. Does not express himself or stand up for rights; will de-self (forfeiture/contempt). 8. Easily taken advantage of by more aggressive/dominate temperaments ( forfeiture/fear). 9. Isolated, often alone because non-assertive ( fear). 10. Expects others to read his mind (deception). 11. Must learn to share burdens with God; receive love and recognition from Him ( sufficiency, contempt). 12. Isolated, often alone because non-assertive (fear, deception) 13. Expects others to " read his mind" (sufficiency). 14. Must learn to share burdens with God; receive love and recognition from Him ( sufficiency , contempt). 15. Dependent, has difficulty making decisions and taking responsibilities independently ( forfeiture, contempt). 16. Weak willed ( fear) 17. Wants others to take care of him and tell him what to do (fear). 18. Lives vicariously through others ( deception). 19. Anxiety, if he does not receive the desired response or recognition, will begin to indulge bitterness/resentment leading to severe anxiety. (Anger, fear, obsession). 20. Anger, can manifest cold calculating anger which can explode after so much abuse. ( anger ). 21. Depression, very sensitive to rejection ( anger, fear). 22. Difficulty distinguishing between what is real and what is imagined ( deception). 23. Often suffers from Neurotic Depression ( deception ). 24. Very unstable temperament. ( deception). 25. Manipulative, uses a lot of indirect behavior ( importance, fear, deception). 26. Will check out all counseling advice with someone else before following it, will tend to do what that person suggests if there's disagreement. (fear). 27. Will be a caretaker to get control. ( importance).
List the Twelve Steps as found on pages 51-54
1.WE ADMITTED WE WERE POWERLESS OVER OUR SIN — THAT OUR LIVES HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE 2. CAME TO BELIEVE A POWER GREATER THAN OURSELVES COULD RESTORE US TO SANITY. 3. MADE A DECISION TO TURN OUR WILL AND OUR LIVES OVER TO THE CARE OF GOD AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM. 4. MADE A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL INVENTORY OF OURSELVES. 5. ADMITTED TO GOD, TO OURSELVES, AND TO ANOTHER HIMAN BEING THE EXACT NATURE OUR WRONGS 6. WERE ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE GOD REMOVE ALL THESE DEFECTS OF CHARACTER. 7. HUMBLY ASK HIM TO REMOVE OUR SHORTCOMINGS. 8. MADE A LIST OF ALL PEOPLE WE HAD HARMED , AND BECAME WILLING TO MAKE AMENDS TO THEM ALL 9. MAKE DIRECT AMENDS TO SUCH PEOPLE WHEREVER POSSIBLE, EXCEPT WHEN TO DO SO WOULD INJURE THEM OR OTHERS. 10. CONTINUED TO TAKE PERSONAL INVENTORY AND, WHEN WE WERE WRONG PROMPTLY ADMITTED IT. 11. SOUGHT THROUGH PRAYER AND MEDITATION TO IMPROVE OUR CONSCIOUS CONTACT WITH GOD, PRAYING ONLY FOR KNOWLEDGE OF HIS WILL FOR US AND THE POWER TO CARRY THAT OUT. 12. HAVING HAD A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING AS THE RESULT OF THESE STEPS, WE TRIED TO CARRY THIS MESSAGE TO OTHERS AND TO PRACTICE THESE PRINCIPLES IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS.
There are over ________________________ basic temperament combinations!
4000
How is the description of the Supine Temperament similar to that of a codependent?
A Supine is easily dominated by the more forceful temperaments; easily becomes dependent on others; and is given to caretaking.
When codependency kicks in, what will the Supine's do?
A Supine will manipulate others out of self-forfeiture or self contempt (worthlessness), not from self importance for the sake of a false sense of power.
Describe the the role of the Lost Child in an alcoholic family.
A child born during a bad period may become a Lost Child carrying the sadness and loneliness of the family. Though essentially ignored, a Lost Child is considered a good Child because they are quiet, stay out of the way and are undemanding.
In the Supine Case Study on pages 137-140, the client has seen that her codependent tendencies were definitely a ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A means of survival and obedience to a false system of rules in a hostile home environment.
In the Sanguine Case Study on pages 153-159, the client's codependency developed as:
A means of survival, and as obedience to a false system of rules, then finally as a mode for spiritual striving.
Define paradox:
A seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true; a statement contrary to received opinion.
In spiritual terms , anti-dependence is deadly for it is
A self sufficient way of life in which a person attempts to self-generate acceptance, forgiveness, and empowerment apart from God, resulting in spiritual rebellion, a distorted view of self, and problems with intimacy.
List the characteristics of Alcoa's as found on page 27. ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS - acrostic
A- addictive, compulsive behavior or marry addicts D- delusion and denial U- unmercifully judgmental on self and others L- lack of good boundaries T- tolerate inappropriate behavior C-constantly seek approval H- have difficulty with intimate relationships I- incur guilt whenever you stand up for yourself L- Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth D- disabled will R- reactors rather than actors E- extremely loyal to a fault N-numbed out O- over react to changes over which you have no control F- feel different from other people A-anxious-hyper vigilant L-low self worth and internalized shame C-confuse love and pity O-overly serious H-have difficulty finishing projects O-overly dependent and terrified of abandonment L- live life as victims I-Intimidated by anger and personal criticism C-control madness around you (and every other situation) S- super-responsible or super-irresponsible
When some alcoholics try to stop drinking they have withdrawal symptoms which are so overwhelming that they go back to alcohol because drinking seems to be the only way to get rid of the pain. This is called _______________________________.
ADDICTION
List RULE 4 as found on page 36.
ALWAYS BE STRONG, ALWAYS BE GOOD, ALWAYS BE PERFECT.
Temperament is identified through a questionnaire called an __________ __________________ _________________ which produces a computer generated _____________________ _____________________________________.
APS response form APS report
If a child lacks trust in his parents' love, he begins to feel insecure with himself and ends up developing a real fear of ____________________________ in all his relationships.
Abandonment
________________________________________ is the major consequence of this chronic stress.
Abandonment
What are the third and fourth ways that children in alcoholic families are abandoned?
Abuse and severe enmeshment, alcohol lowers inhibitions and weakens the lines between thoughts and expression, sexual and emotional battering is commonplace. With severe enmeshment, children get caught up in the needs of both their parents and the need of the family for wholeness and balance.
A codependent person is "addicted" to a destructive pattern of relating to other people. This pattern is usually learned from childhood in an ________________________________ or ____________________________________ home or from following a set of oppressive rules.
Abusive non nurturing
The transformed life comes from ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.
Admitting and confessing our sins one to another; making amends; allowing God to point out and change our character defects; disciplining our flesh through self-restraint; and growing spiritually, learning His ways through reading the Word, praying, worshipping God and fellowshipping with other believers.
As professionals began to understand codependency better, more groups of people appeared to have it . List these groups as found on page 5.
Adult children of alcoholics. People in relationships with emotionally or mentally disturbed persons. People in relationships with irresponsible people People in relationships with chronically ill people parents of children with behavior problems professionals in " helping" occupations — nurses social workers counselors pastors and others , even recovering alcoholics and addicts ,noticed they were codependent and perhaps had been long before becoming chemically dependent.
These unhealthy roles produce unhealthy ____________________________.
Adults
Co dependents draw to themselves not just another person, but also chemicals or behaviors . List some of these as found on page 4.
Alcohol or drugs,shopping, busy-ness, sports, work, church activities, or things, food, money, sexuality,
As paradoxical as it seems, many a child of an ___________________________________________ becomes an _______________________________________.
Alcoholic alcoholic
Codependency is included in four different fields or disciplines in counseling. First, in the Chemical Dependency field which includes :
Alcoholism, drug addiction, sexual or gambling addictions and addictive relationships.
What does the simplest definition of an alcoholic say?
An alcoholic is someone whose drinking causes a continuing and growing problem in any department of his/her life.
What causes a child to develop a fear of control or of being controlled ( fear of engulfment )?
An overprotective and smothering mother who doesn't allow the child to interact with the environment and venture out, a mother who refuses to wean the child at an appropriate age and as a result does not develop within herself a sense of independence or strength. Perhaps has a fear of abandonment.
In time the people closet to an alcoholic want to strike back, punish, make the alcoholic pay for the hurt and frustration caused by uncontrolled drinking. This is their _________________________.
Anger
Describe the role of the Court Jester/Mascot in an alcoholic family.
Another child may become the court jester or Mascot , to bring humor to the family by always kidding around and being lighthearted.
Often the people closest to an alcoholic make the mistake of covering up. They try to fix everything, make excuses, tell little lies to mend damaged relationships, and then they worry some more. This is the center of their ________________________________________.
Anxiety
A person who is codependent is reactionary, they react like a puppet on a string to other people. In a sense they are
Are held hostage by other people's behaviors, moods, or opinions
Describe how in the area of Women's Issues codependency is dealt with.
As a cultural tendency to entrap and devalue women through warped role assignments.
Learning to _______________ - ___________________ for what we need stops us from manipulating others and ripping them off to get our needs met.
Ask - directly
As recovery begins for the codependent there comes the realization that. _____________________________ must change, ___________________________________ and _______________________________________ must begin, the reality of _________________________________________ in God must be gained and the key to true ___________________________________ growth must be realized.
Attitudes self-responsibility self-care self-worth spiritual
Temperament Theory is based on understanding the inner man and applying that knowledge to bring ___________________________________ in all three areas of the temperament: Inclusion, Control, and affection.
Balance
According to Nancy Groom on page 71, " our call is not to act on those negative emotions- but to:
Be willing to feel them
When we understand that our thoughts are usually products of our ____________________ we can expose those beliefs and identify the source.
Beliefs
This process of relating happens between _________________________ and _______________ to _______________________ months of life.
Birth 18 24
To justify what they are taking and to rationalize their behavior in their own minds, dysfunctional children _____________________.
Blame
There may be a combination of temperaments in the expressed and wanted needs in one or more areas , which is called a _______________________________________ temperament.
Blended
1. The Bible teaches that man is a three-part being consisting of :
Body soul spirit
__________________________________________ is another name for codependency.
Bondage
The goal of recovery from bondage of codependency is ______________________________.
Bonding
The people who ____________________________ the most get caught up in the behavior of this person.
CARE
Alcoholics can never be sure of being able to stop drinking when they want to. So they end up getting drunk even when they had promised themselves and others that they would not. This is called _____________________________________.
COMPULSION
A key to recovery is overcoming the fear of _______________________________________________.
Change
The rule " Don't rock the boat " suppresses ______________________________________, hinders _______________________________________ and obstructs any hope of ___________________________________________.
Change growth recovery
Codependency comes from _____________________________________________ ___________________________________________, or from a false interpretation of __________________________ or another religion, while some characteristics are taught as __________________________ _____________________________ _________________________________.
Childhood training Christianity desirable feminine qualities
Children from troubled and dysfunctional families lose so much of their _____________________________________.
Childhoods
According to the chart on page 110, forfeiture (deselfing) is expressed Least by the _________________________________.
Choleric
Also according to the chart on page110, Importance is expressed MOST by the _______________________________________.
Choleric
The spiritual direction of the Twelve Steps came out of the _____________________________ _________________________________ tradition.
Christian biblical
Codependency is ______________________________ and __________________________________________.
Chronic progressive
The term codependency appeared appeared in the late 1970's, but was just a "new name for an old game" This codependency has also been called :
Co-alcoholic non-alcoholic para-alcoholic
Caretaking is a large part of ______________________________________.
Codependency
Simply, ________________________________ is the fallacy of trying to control interior feelings by controlling people, things, and events on the outside.
Codependency
Define codependency according to Robert Subby on page 33
Codependency is a pattern of living, coping and problem solving created and maintained by a set of dysfunctional rules within the family or social system. These rules interfere with healthy growth and make constructive change very difficult , if not impossible . Real self is denied or repressed. This happens because of an erroneous assumption that love , acceptance, security, success, closeness and salvation are all dependent upon one's ability to do the "right thing".
Define codependency according to Nancy Groom on page 67.
Codependency is a self focused way of life in which a person, blind to his or her self continually reacts to others, being controlled by and seeking to control their behavior, attitude and opinions, resulting in spiritual sterility, loss of authenticity, and absence of intimacy.
Define codependency according to Nancy Groom in her book, "From Bondage to Bonding"
Codependency is a self-focused way of life in which a person blind to his or her true self continually reacts to others, being controlled by and seeking to control their behavior, attitudes, and /or opinions. This results in spiritual sterility, loss of authenticity , and absence of intimacy.
Define codependency according to Bradshaw on page 26.
Codependency is a set of survival behaviors which are unhealthy patterns of learned behavior. Codependence can be defined as a recognizable pattern of fixed personality traits, rooted in the internalized shame resulting from the abandonment that naturally happens to everyone in a dysfunctional family system. Codependency is always a symptom of abandonment , including neglect, abuse, and enmeshment. Codependence is a loss of one's inner reality and an ADDICTION to outer reality.
The paradox of the ________________________________, the taker disguised as a giver, is clearly a variation of psychodynamics of this model of taking to fill unmet needs.
Codependent
While millions of people can relate to the tragedies of troubled or dysfunctional families, there are still millions who came from "normal," productive homes who find themselves living _________________________________lives.
Codependent
List 25 of the 33 POOR COMMUNICATION codependency patterns found on pages 17-18.
Codependents frequently blame. Threaten. Coerce. Beg. Bribe. Advise. Don't say what they mean. Don't mean what they say. Don't take themselves seriously. Think other people don't take the codependents seriously. Take themselves too seriously. Ask for what they want and need indirectly by sighing for example. Find it difficult to get to the point. Aren't sure what the point is. Gauge their words carefully to achieve a desired effect. Try to say what they think will please people. Try to say what they think will provoke people. Try to say what they hope will make people do what they want them to do. Eliminate the word NO from their vocabulary. Talk to much. Talk about other people. Avoid talking about themselves, their problems, feelings and thoughts. Say everything is their fault. Say nothing is their fault. Believe their opinions don't matter. Wait to express their opinions until they know other people's opinions. Lie to protect and cover up for people they love. Lie to protect themselves. Have a difficult time expressing their emotions honestly, openly and appropriately. Think most of what they have to say is unimportant. Begin to talk cynical, self degrading, or hostile ways. Apologize for bothering people.
Define triangulation
Codependents learn to communicate indirectly, often with one person acting as the messenger between two others.
List 11 of the 16 MISCELLANEOUS codependency patterns found on page 20.
Codependents tend to be extremely responsible. Be extremely irresponsible. Become martyrs, sacrificing their happiness and that of others for causes that don't require sacrifice. Find it difficult to have fun and be spontaneous. Have an overall passive response to codependency—crying, hurt, helplessness. Have an overall aggressive response to codependency —violence, anger, dominance. Combine passive and aggressive responses. Vacillate in decisions and emotions. Laugh when they feel like crying. Stay loyal to their compulsions and people even when it hurts. Be ashamed about family, personal, or relationship problems. Be confused about the nature of the problem. Cover up, lie, and protect the problem. Not seek help because they themselves the problem isnt bad enough,or they aren't important enough. Wonder why the problem doesn't go away. ```````
Obsessive/compulsive talking is not about __________________________________, rather it is an exhausting attempt at relieving internal pressure.
Communication
According to Bradshaw, abandonment sets up _____________________________.
Compulsivity
One of the most frustrating aspects of this disease of alcoholism is that the patients do not believe they are ill. This is called _______________________________________.
DENIAL
List RULE 5 as found on page 37
DON'T BE SELFISH
List Rule 9 as found on page 41.
DON'T ROCK THE BOAT
List RULE 8 as found on page 40.
DON'T TALK ABOUT SEX
According to John Bradshaw on page 25, "Codependence is the most common family illness because it is what happens to anyone in any kind of a dysfunctional family. He also states that in every dysfunctional family, there is a primary stressor." This could be:
Dad's drinking or work addiction; Mom's hysterical Control of everyone's feeling's; Dad and Mom's physical or verbal violence; a family member's actual sickness or hypochondriasis; Dad or Mom's early death: the divorce; Dad or Mom's moral/religious righteousness; Dad or mom's sexual abuse. Anyone, who becomes controlling in the family to the point of being experienced as a threat by the other members, initiates dysfunction. This member becomes the primary stressor. Each member of the family adapts to this stress in an attempt to control it. Each becomes OUTERDIRECTED and lives adapting to the stressor...Each becomes codependent on the stressor.
Define personality disorder according to Minirth -Meier on page 77.
Deeply ingrained patterns of maladaptive behavior, often present throughout life.
Even when common sense tells them there is still something wrong with the alcoholic's drinking and thinking, they will still hide from how they feel and what they know to be true. This is their ______________________________.
Denial
This type of ______________________________ ultimately fosters a deep sense of shame which causes people to avoid looking at problems.
Denial
Members of dysfunctional families develop classic survival behaviors. These include:
Denial, dissociation, repression, withdrawal (flight responses) or anger, identification with persecuted and reactive and re-enacting behavior ( fight responses).
Supine's, like Melancholies, are susceptible to :
Depression ( internalized anger) and mood swings due to negative thinking, fatigue, illness, uncertainty, and stress.
The biblical position is clear, man's behavior cannot simply be explained as a result of _______________________________ of any kind.
Determinism
The American Medical Association recognizes alcoholism as a ____________________________ which can be _______________________________________ but not ___________________________________.
Disease arrested cured
List some of the problems stemming from codependency that are tragic and affect Christians and non-Christians alike:
Divorce and relationship difficulties, substance abuse, compulsive behaviors keeping people out of control, religious addictions which become obsessive but give no life, depression, anger beyond reason, denial of problems and more.
List Rule 6 as found on page 39.
Do as I say not as I do
Codependents do not _________________________________________________________.
Do as they say
The practicing codependent has been taught that " _____________________________ _________________________ ____________________" is a means to achieve these goals (love, belonging, salvation, acceptance and success).
Doing for others
List 19 of the 24 DEPENDENCY codependency patterns found on pages 16-17.
Don't feel happy, content, or peaceful with themselves. Look for happiness outside themselves. Latch onto whoever or whatever they think can provide happiness. Feel terribly threatened by the loss of any thing or person they think provides their happiness. Didn't feel love and approval from their parents. Don't love themselves. Believe other people can't or don't love them. Desperately seek love and approval. Often seek love from people incapable of loving. Believe other people are never there for them. Try to prove they're good enough to be loved. Don't take time to see if other people are good for them. Worry whether other people love or like them. Don't take time to figure out if they love or like other people. Center their lives around other people. Look to relationships to provide all their good feelings. Lose interest in their own lives when they love. Worry other people will leave them. Don't believe they can take care of themselves. Stay in relationships that don't work. Tolerate abuse to keep people loving them. Feel trapped in relationships. Leave bad relationships for ones that don't work either. Wonder if they will ever find love.
The shame and anxiety associated with unresolved sexual issues is directly proportional to the length of time that codependents have lived by the "________________ ______________" rules.dont
Don't talk
List the LACK OF TRUST codependency patterns found on page 18.
Don't trust themselves. Don't trust their feelings. Don't trust their decisions. Don't trust other people. Try to trust untrustworthy people. Think God has abandoned them. Lose faith and trust in God.
List some of the self control mechanisms or defense mechanisms found on page 80:
Drinking, getting high, overeating, working out , or other intense activities, sleeping
In any family with unresolved chemical dependency or codependency issues, __________________________ ___________________________________ is a great problem.
Emotional blocking
Affection corresponds to the " _______________________________________" in the soul realm .
Emotions
The word " ___________________________ " is a therapeutic term for destructive helping.
Enabling
Inclusion , control, and affection, are broken down into two types of Needs. Define the following: expressed..... responsive (wanted) needs:
Expressed: those temperament needs which we express to others around us through gesture, facial expression,words or actions: what you say is what you want." The APS gives a score showing how much is shown (expressed) to other people. Responsive ( wanted) Needs: those temperament needs which we want, desire, and wish to have fulfilled: " what you really want ." The APS gives a score to show how much a temperament need is wanted in our lives.
Dealing with fears of all kinds will mean that the Melancholy must experience their feelings and find out that fear is really: F E A R
F=fantasized E=expectations A=appearing R=real
The most severe damage to those who share some part of life with an alcoholic comes in the form of the nagging belief that somehow they are at fault; perhaps they were not good enough , or not attractive enough, not clever enough to have solved this problem for the one they love. They blame themselves and think it was something they did or did not do. These are their ________________________________ _______________________ _________________________________________.
FEELINGS OF GUILT
How has the God of truth provided a way to recovery?
Facing reality, learning the facts, embracing the possibility of healthy change, facing our pain and truly desiring a restored relationship with our Heavenly Father.
A pure Choleric will typically seek counseling. True or false?
False
Acts of love, kindness, compassion and true helping are acts where our assistance is not legitimately wanted or needed. True or false ?
False
Anti -dependence is an end in itself. True or false?
False
Around one to two years of age the child has now separated completely from the mother and can relate to her as a separate individual and can also relate to themselves as individuals. True or false?
False
As adults, it is not awkward at all to learn to play/enjoy life. True or False?
False
As an infant of a dysfunctional environment becomes a teenager, they eventually become able to relate significantly in school, work, and to others. True or false?
False
Being born again means that all problems go away and all becomes right in our lives. True or False ____________________.d
False
Character cannot be changed during one's lifetime by any act of will, considerable awareness or self-discipline. True or false?
False
Children learn to be remote and inexpressive as they are taught that their needs for nurturing are totally appropriate. True or False?
False
Children will not imitate their parents' self-discipline, restraint, dignity, and capacity to order their own lives, nor will they imitate the lack of these traits. True or False
False
Codependency is genetic; we are born with it. True or false?
False
Codependency is included in the Mental Health field as a cultural tendency to entrap and devalue women through warped role assignments. True or False?
False
Codependency is innate behavior. True or False?
False
Darwin's theory is embraced because it is in harmony with the Second Law of Thermodynamics which says that ordered energy inevitably collapses into disorder or maximum "entropy." True or false?
False
Denial is rational and can be talked away. True or false?
False
Determinism is the same thing as predestination and fatalism. True or false?
False
Dysfunctional families with unresolved chemical dependency, physical or sexual abuse, etc., also seek to maintain a healthy balance. True or False?
False
If a codependent person does not identify and change behavior patterns or coping mechanisms, these things will eventually become less prevalent throughout the codependent's life. True or False?
False
In healthy families, the children will be used to give their parents a sense of power, adequacy or security, and they have to live out their parents' unfinished business from their own childhood issues. True or False ____________________________.
False
It is a fact that our physical bodies are not taxed by the presence/power of God. True or False?
False
Many Supine's are actually codependent. True or False?
False
Many recoveries from problems that involve a person's mind, emotions, and spirit are long and grueling - this is especially true of codependency. True or false?
False
Most alcoholics are " bums" or skid-row types. True or False?
False
People cannot be inspired or encouraged to change and they cannot learn from healthy role models. True or False?
False
Personality disorders are characterized by the symptoms ( such as anxiety or depression) which typify the clinical syndromes, rather than by behavior patterns. True or False?
False
Personality is the spiritual foundation of A.A. True or false ?
False
Sanguines will,indeed rescue, take over, control, and try to be the hero, which is caused by self-importance, which also drives a choleric . True or false?
False
Science would come to an end if life was declared the product of creative intelligence. True or false?
False
Spiritual striving is not a problem at all to codependent Melancholies. True or False?
False
Temperament changes throughout life. True or false?
False
The Minirth -Meier Ten Stages of Recovery is meant to complete with and replace the twelve -step recovery programs of A.A. and similar groups. True or False?
False
The Phlegmatic temperament presents numerous extremes and is so able to relate codependently . True or false?
False
The compulsions (of A.C.O.A.'s) will go away with time: they do not need to be acknowledged or dealt with. True or False?
False
The preceding examples of determinism each focus on one facet of the human experience. The facet is then seen as an overarching cause or empowering influence. This perception is completely founded. True or false?
False
The wider the gap between temperament and actual behavior, the lesser the individuals anxiety
False
There are clear cut indicators of just when a person steps over the line from being non-codependent to being codependent. True or false?
False
There is rarely overlap of the symptoms, problems, coping mechanisms, and reactions associated with codependency . True or False?
False
This rule ingrains in us a fear of failure which is most productive. True or False?
False
True recovery is about doing everything right, it is about living right, free from. Bondage and condemnation. True or false?
False
Victims will surprisingly turn on their rescuers. True or false?
False
We can respond for an entire lifetime out of our personality , and our character and temperament will never be displayed. True or false?
False
We do not have to face our losses to move into forgiveness and restoration. True or false?
False
We should squelch our longings to be close and intimate with others. True or false?
False
The chronic distress in an alcoholic family always goes away. True or False?
False.
How is codependency included within the parameters of Family Therapy?
Families are viewed as systems
Alcoholism is a " ________________________________ " disease.
Family
The predominant tendency of the codependent phlegmatics is toward ____________________________________ which leads to __________________________________.
Fear forfeiture (de-selfing)
Learning to communicate directly is a key for codependent Melancholies who are fearful of expressing their deep feelings due to _____________________________________________________________________.
Fear of rejection
Caretaking and rescuing patterns can develop as a way to relieve the __________________ and _____________________.
Fear pressure
Most of the Supine codependent traits are based on ____________________________, __________________________________, ___________________________________.
Fear, self - forfeiture, self- contempt
List 11 of the 16 ANGER codependency patterns found on page 19.
Feel very scared, hurt, and angry. Live with people who are very scared, hurt, and angry. Are afraid of their own anger. Think people will go away if anger enters the picture. Think other people make them feel anger. Repress their angry feelings. Cry a lot, get depressed, overeat, get sick, do mean and nasty thing to get even, act hostile, or have violent temper outbursts. Punish other people for making the codependent angry. Have been shamed for feeling angry. Place guilt and shame on themselves for feeling angry. Feel increasing amounts of anger, resentment, and bitterness. Wonder if they'll ever NOT be angry.
___________________________________ are good indicators of what is going on inside us and disparaged and rejected, it is possible to be out of touch with important signals and information we need to function.
Feelings
The body prepares to____________________________ or take __________________________________ when threatened.
Fight flight
Children get burdened with the responsibility to " _______________________ ________________________ _______________________ " between non-communicating and sometimes hostile parents.
Fix things up
What self - care must a Sanguine focus on during recovery?
Focusing on detaching from others and learning to take responsibility for their own lives. They must stop manipulating others through helplessness or sexual innuendo and temptation. They must learn to meet their need for relationships in godly ways. Twelve step programs offer Sanguines a way to deal head on with their denial and self deception within a social setting.
The honesty which comes from our grieving enables us to embrace _____________________________ which is the heart of grace or unmerited favor.
Forgiveness
Secular psychology covers a full gamut of determinism: From the tyranny of ______________________ unconscious conflicts caused by unfulfilled sexual drives to ________________________ behavior theory that personality is strictly the result of prior conditioned responses.
Freud Skinner
Describe the role of Superachiever/Hero in an alcoholic family.
Generally the eldest child will be super-responsible, in some way to bring worth to the family.
The entire Twelve Steps program is designed to get people out of the " _____________________ ________________________." We need to put a _____________________________, ____________________________ and forgiving God back in control of our world.
God role loving moral
Our culture is not comfortable with the __________________________________________ ________________________________________, it makes us ______________________________________.
Grief process uncomfortable
Recovery is the result of our moving through ________________________ (for losses/layers/ pretense/ autonomy) and on to __________________________ (for losses/layers/ pretense/ autonomy)
Grieving grace
The Supine's tender conscience makes them very prone to _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.
Guilty feelings and to false guilt.
There is a line of continuum going from ______________________________ _______________________________ ________________________________ on one end to ________________________, ____________________________________________________ _____________________________________ on the other.
Healthy mutual interdependence unhealthy, debilitating codependency
Supine's will use __________________________________ to manipulate others to take care of them so they will not be wrong.
Helplessness
What prevented the client's Melancholy Incluion score from leading hr tore introversion, withdrawal and or suicide?
Her dominant area drove her out of the house to " party and lighten up and have some fun for a change. She rebelled and drank to have a good time and forget the pain.
Define the Christian doctrine of predestination:
Holds that God has foreordained all things especially the election of individuals souls to either eternal salvation or condemnation.
Define fatalism
Holds that all events are part predetermined by fate and are unalterable and inevitable. Fatalism is part of the closed systems of the Islamic and Hindu world views.
Supine's internalize anger as " ____________________ _______________________ "
Hurt feelings
What is the existentialists' belief found on page of 88.
I choose and/or I experience, therefore I am.
Temperament therapy is concerned with:
Identifying an individual's basic temperament and it's needs, the way one goes about meeting these needs, and the effects of not meeting these needs
Codependency is not just an example of poor mental health, it is not just a way of surviving the pain of life, codependency is actually wrong. It is _______________________, or seeking false comfort and it is _____________________________.
Idolatry sinful
List 11 of the 16 DENIAL codependency patterns found on pages 15-16.
Ignore problems or pretend they aren't happening. Pretend circumstances aren't as bad as they are. Tell themselves things will be better tomorrow. Stay busy so they don't have to think about things. Get confused. Get depressed or sick. Go to doctors and get tranquilizers. Become workaholics. Spend money compulsively. Overeat. Pretend those things aren't happening either. Watch problems get worse. Believe lies. Lie to themselves. Wonder why they feel like they're going crazy. Drink to self medicate and ease their pain and/or mask their problems.
_____________________________________ _____________________________________ is vital to SELF-DECEPTION for a Melancholy.
Image management
One of the results of denial is a tendency for __________________________ or _________________________ management.
Impression image
List the PROGRESSIVE codependency patterns found on page 21.
In the later stages of codependency, codependents may: feel lethargic, feel depressed, become withdrawn and isolated, experience a complete loss of routine and structure, abuse or neglect their children and other responsibilities. Feel hopeless. Begin to plan their escape from a relationship they feel trapped in, think about suicide, become violent, become seriously emotionally, mentally, or physically ill, experience an eating disorder (over or under eating ), become addicted to alcohol and other drugs.
Through research and observation the National Christian Counselor Association has divided the temperament into three areas: _____________________________________, _______________________________ , ___________________.
Inclusion control affection
Relationships based on ____________________________________, _________________________________________, or complementing and fixing one another's woundedness will not produce __________________________ or___________________________________, much less a harmonious, pleasing sound.
Incompleteness, neediness growth or good fruit
Both interpersonal and inner conflict are temperament related and caused by :
Individuals trying to meet legitimate temperament needs in ungodly ways. Temperament needs being out of balance. Reaction to unmet temperament needs.
Temperament theory acknowledges the reality of the complexity and pain of the human drama, and "free will" through two other factors in the complex subject called " the _____________________________________."
Inner man
Part of the legacy of growing up in a dysfunctional home is having our _______________________________ and _____________________ ______________________________ sabatoged.
Instincts gut feelings
Emotional neglect of a child can be ______________________________ or __________________________________________.
Intentional unintentional
True ____________________________ occurs when two persons , who are secure in God's acceptance, can give and receive love and forgiveness without demanding approval or conformity to expectations in return.
Interdependence
Define determinism:
Is the theory that all human action is caused entirely by preceding events, and not by the exercise of the will. In philosophy the theory is based on the metaphysical principal that an uncaused event is impossible . This principle is supported by the success of scientists in various fields discovering causes of certain behavior and in some cases effecting control of behavior.
The end result of the downward slide of codependency is ____________________________, _____________________________, and _____________________________.
Isolation, autonomy, anti-dependency
Which codependency issues did the client in the Choleric Case Study on pages 145-148 identify with?
Issues with obedience to false system of rules , the legacy for adult children of alcoholics, and spiritual striving for recognition.
List RULE 2 as found on page 34.
It is not okay to express our feelings openly
From what does a Sanguine's fear stem from?
It stems from insecurity from fear of rejection or abandonment.
On what is the Supine's fear of being wrong based?
It's based on their deep,fear of rejection which plagues this temperament.
List RULE 7 as found on page 39.
It's not okay to play
List Subby's rule 1 as found on page 33.
It's not okay to talk about problems.
The concept of these unhealthy roles was developed by Stephen B. Karpman, in what is referred to as the _______________________________ ____________________________ ________________________________.
Karpman Drama Triangle
_____________________ will always result from losses.
Layers
Layers are :
Layers are the attitudes and actions we take on to protect ourselves from the pain of our losses and to defend us from future loss.
The client in the Phlegmatic's Case Study on pages 127-129mis an excellent example of codependency as a _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Legacy for adult children of alcoholics. It is apparent that it was a generational pattern in his family as well.
True surrender means a person enters into ______________________ through _____________________ in Jesus Christ's atoning _____________________.
Life faith death
True recovery is a __________________________ process.
Lifelong
Many children are called upon to perform parenting roles for younger siblings and end up as ___________________________ ___________________________ with no personal childhood at all.
Little Parents
A codependent's preoccupations ( such as kids, job, in-laws, friends, or health) become a substitute for _____________________________.
Living
The healing process begins with the concept of ___________________________________.
Longing
The development of codependency moves from our _______________________ ( for intimacy/impact) to __________________________ (from parental neglect/abuse) to ________________________ ( self-protective behaviors) ending in _________________________ and _________________________ and ________________________________.
Longings losses layers pretense anti-dependency autonomy
Even in the most healthy and loving home, children experience _________________________ : parents fail, pets die, fortunes are lost, natural disasters happen.
Losses
Within the family system the Phlegmatic's will most likely play the ____________ ________________, the __________________________________, the _______________________ ________________________________ or the _______________________ __________________________
Lost child, hero, little parent , surrogate spouse
Within a family system, the ___________________________ _______________________________ is the chief component.
Marital partnership
Children need parents who realize their _____________________________ ______________________________ is the key to well adjusted children.
Marriage relationship
What roles will a Sanguine play in an alcoholic family?
Mascot courtjester
The process of personality selection is often unconscious, but may also be chosen as an act of will. Most often it is a ______________________________ and though it has a measure of reality, it is not completely honest.
Mask
Fear (obsession) is expressed most by the _________________________________.
Melancholy
The five basic temperaments are:
Melancholy Phlegmatic choleric sanguine supine
Inclusion corresponds to the " ____________________________" in the sole realm.
Mind
3. Our soul is made up of our:
Mind will emotions
4. Romans 12:2 states that our____________________must be renewed if we are to know God's will.
Minds
When an infant is born, the _______________________________________ and the ______________________________ are the same to the infant, they are not differentiated.
Mother environment
Unfortunately in our society this behavior is normal, _________________________ Christianity has created weak, immature, disillusioned believers who look and act no differently from non-Christians.
NOMINAL
Codependents confuse true serving with _______________________________ __________________________________.
Neurotic de-selfing
Since the 1960's, a new type of determinism has arisen in Western thinking. Many well-educated people have embraced a non-biblical supernaturalist and consciousness and/or movement referred to as ________________________ __________________________.
New age
In a family where one parent is an alcoholic, can the Nonalcoholic parent make up for the lack of love in the child's life? Yes or No and explain.
No. This parent will spend all their energy trying to keep things a secret and keep life on track, and /or trying to help the alcoholic shape up. The non-drinking spouse is codependent and usually has to keep the family together, tend to the finances and agonize over the family tragedy. Depression, anger, and disappointment will consume the non-alcoholic parent's life. While this parent truly loves their own child, they have no more love available for the child on a consistent basis that the drinking parent has. Thus the child of an alcoholic family grows up with an empty love tank. Often what little love the child had within itself is drained away and pulled out of the child by the needy parents who manipulate their children into providing for their own unmet emotional needs. The proper order of love flowing into children from stable parents is reversed and distorted. The child leaves the family of origin with an empty love tank and as a codependent adult.
A melancholy will be self-sacrificing because it is right to do so for a __________________________ _____________________________ or ______________________________________ ________________________________________.
Noble cause higher purpose
Over a period of time alcoholics depend on alcohol so much that they become convinced they cannot live without it. This is called ____________________________________________.
OBSESSION
The characteristics of codependency all fit in this concept of LAYERS. Included is every variation of attempt at self-protection:
Obeying dysfunctional rules, taking on destructive roles, workaholism, spiritual striving, believing lies, comforting ourselves with chemicals, food, sex, money, success, etc.
All of the people closet to an alcoholic's thinking get focused on what the alcoholic is doing or not doing and how to get the alcoholic to stop drinking. This becomes their ____________________________________.
Obsession
Why within each of our strengths is there a potential weakness?
Our weaknesses will eventually teach us to depend on God.
Often our reluctance to admit our problems is more about our own denial and ___________________________ than about " being a good witness and making a godly confession. "
PRIDE
Draw the Victory diagram found on page 74.
Page 74
Forgiveness is supernatural , it is God's idea. It is His way to respond to the _________________________/ , __________________________ of life, and thereby release us from the festering torment of unforgiveness, and also to release Him to work in the situation.
Pain / offense
_______________________________________________ and ____________________________________________ are also crucial for this self-sacrificing temperament.
Pampering nurturing
One key trait of living such a superficial lifestyle is _______________________________.
Panic
Codependency requires a whole new way of seeing or _____________________________________ shift.
Paradigm
Other examples of personality disorders are the _______________________________ - _____________________________; the ______________________________ personality; the ________________________________ personality ; the __________________________- personality; the __________________________ personality; the __________________________ personality, etc.
Passive - aggressive, anti-social, avoidant, obsessive-compulsive, narcissistic, paranoid
It satisfied the client intellectually to understand that his temperament has a real need for _________________________________ and physical rest in order to recharge.
Peace
In it's broadest sense, codependency can be defined as as addiction to ___________________, _____________________________or,_______________________________________.
People , behavior,or things
According to the National Christian Counselors Association, our God-created temperament, our identity, is the inborn part of man that determines how we react to _________________________,___________________________, and ___________________________.
People places things
Give the example of a paradox as found on page 77.
People who give and give, advise, caretake, rescue, and fix other people are really takers in disguise.
A most common symptom of this fear is _____________________________ or an unwillingness to _________________________________.
Perfectionism fail
Usually before the rescuer gets up the emotional self-justification to "throw the bum out," the victim himself has jumped in to the _____________________________ role and turns on the rescuer.
Persecutor
In the case of the mother who is over protective and smothering, her own emotional problems or personality disorder will cause the child to develop another ____________________ ______________.
Personality disorder
Codependency comes under the broad category of ______________________________ _____________________________, the DSM-IV code is 301.9 Personality Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified (N.O.S)
Personality disorders
____________________________________ is the component that we select to portray ourselves to the world.
Personality self-selected (mask)
We learn to survive with our ______________________________, but ultimately our _____________________________ and _______________________________ reveal who we really are.
Personality temperament character
The boundless energy of the Choleric compulsive is best balanced with ______________________________ _______________________________________, otherwise it builds into an emotional intensity which creates conflict or crises.
Physical exercise
God wants us to experience and know His grace and mercy through His _________________________ in every situation.
Presence
Codependency is about ____________________________________.
Pretending
Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow perceive man in a _______________________________ ___ __________________________, developing toward a greater wholeness and self-understanding in response to love and acceptance.
Process of becoming
Small-group counseling is effective in dealing with __________________________________ problems as well as ______________________________ problems.
Psychological interpersonal
The child who has not developed trust and who has one of those particular temperaments, (a temperament that already has an existing fear of abandonment or rejection, or a fear of control or both) will have their fears intensified and compounded. These children will act with ______________________ as in temper tantrums .
Rage
Draw the Karpman Traingle as found on page 60.
Rescuer at top, perpetrator controller at right bottom victim on left bottom
When the people we are serving fail to recognize and appreciate our sacrifices on their behalf, we often start to feel ______________________________, ___________________________ and taken for ________________.
Resentful abused granted
Forgiveness is not natural, when someone hurts us and we experience pain, it is not natural to overlook that. It is human nature to ____________________________ , to issue ______________________________ and to ___________________________ and focus on our wound.
Retaliate judgements condemn
The codependent obsession with doing " __________________________" at the cost of not being true to themselves perpetuates and deepens their sense of shame.
Right
Family rules tell us what is ________________________________, ___________________________________or ___________________________________________.
Right wrong or age appropriate
List our physical physical needs as found on page 38. 1-5.
Safe shelter clothing proper diet rest exercise
In the Christian walk God helps people to have a commitment to change through the Holy Spirit. When people make the commitment to Him to change they are not just doing it for themselves but also to be better vessels for His use. The process is called _____________________________.
Sanctification
Deception (denial) is expressed MOST by the _____________________________.
Sanguine
List the WEAK BOUNDARIES codependency patterns found on page 18.
Say they wont tolerate certain behaviors from certain people. Gradually increase their tolerance until they can tolerate and do things they said they never would. Let others hurt them. Keep letting people hurt them. Wonder why they hurt so badly. Complain, blame, and try to control while they continue to stand there. Finally get angry. Become totally intolerant.
_____________________________________ psychology views man as a two part being : body and soul.
Secular
______________________________________________ is prominent due to the way Melancholies learn and obey the unwritten rules so well.
Self - deception
Emotionally we need ___________________ - ______________________ which comes from a sense of self-value and from a sense of competence and of belonging to a family and /or group.
Self - worth
______________________________________ will cause a codependent Sanguine to stay in unhealthy, demoralizing relationships because of feelings of worthlessness.
Self contempt
The Sanguine's strongest tendency is ____________________________________ as the Sanguine is prone to denial and intense image management due to the fear of rejection.
Self deception
What is the Sanguine's second strongest codependent tendency ?
Self forfeiture
______________________________________________ plays right in with the Phlegmatic's tendency to be uninvolved, objective, aloof, and selfish.
Self sufficiency
The Choleric temperament is dynamic, creative,capable, and independent so their codependent tendencies are concentrated in __________________________________ , ______________________________, and __________________________.
Self- importance self - sufficiency self- deception
List the need of control found on page 97.
Sense of competence, able , effective, capable, adequate, influential (DO)
List the need of inclusion found on page 97.
Sense of significance, acceptance, akin, part, part of a group, included, (belong)
List the need of affection found on page 97:
Sense of worthiness lovable valued precious ok deserving admirable (Be)
The codependent adult child believes that the world is a very _________________________________ place.
Serious
___________________________________ ______________________________ is typical among the Sanguine in Affection.
Sexual promiscuity
We can't __________________ our hearts without ________________________ our hearts.
Share knowing
List 12 of the 17 SEX PROBLEMS codependency patterns found on pages 19-20.
Some codependents are caretakers in the bedroom. Have sex when they don't want to. Have sex when they rather be held, nurtured and loved. Try to have sex when they're angry or hurt. Refuse to enjoy sex because they're so angry with their partner. Are afraid of losing control. Have a difficult time asking for what they need in bed. Withdraw emotionally from their partner. Don't talk about it. Force themselves to have sex anyway. Reduce sex to a technical act. Wonder why they don't enjoy sex. Make up reasons to abstain. Wish their sex partners would die, go away, or sense the codependents feelings. Have strong sexual fantasies about other people. Consider or have an extramarital affair.
List 12 of the 17 SEX PROBLEMS codependency patterns found on pages 19-20.
Some codependents are caretakers in the bedroom. Have sex when they don't want to. Have sex when they'd rather be held, nurtured and loved. Try to have sex when they're angry or hurt. Refuse to enjoy sex because they're so angry with their partner. Are afraid of losing control. Have a difficult time asking for what they need in bed. With draw emotionally from their partner. Don't talk about it. Force themselves to have sex anyway. Reduce sex to a technical act. Wonder why they don't enjoy sex. Lose interest in sex. Make up reasons to abstain. Wish their sex partner would die, go away, or sense the codependent's feelings. Have strong sexual fantasies about other people. Consider or have an extramarital affair.
Codependency is a disease of the _______________________
Soul
2. The _____________________________ man is the eternal part of us which is REGENERATED by the spirit of God when we are translated into His Kingdom.
Spirit
In essence, man is a spiritual being created by God with a precise order and balance of ________________________________, ______________________________, ____________________________.
Spirit soul body
Temperament Theory is not simplistic, it does not see man as preprogrammed but free to act and interact on three levels: _________________________________, _________________________________, and ____________________.
Spirit soul body
List the two results of codependency ,
Spiritual sterility and the inability to form intimate relationships
In addition to the three areas there are recognized ______________________________ and _____________________________ in each.
Strengths weaknesses
_____________________________ _________________________________ is a typical role for a child who gets called on to emotionally support one of the parents in a dysfunctional marriage.
Surrogate Spouse
Every family is, in fact, a __________________________________.
System
Statements such as "Hi, my name is Jean and I'm an adult child," or "I'm a recovering codependent," or " My name is Jean and my life is unmanageable" are all ____________________ statements about our _________________________ and not negative confessions.
TRUTH CONDITION
The dysfunctional child can not adjust because the only way they know how to be happy is to ____________________________.
Take
Anyone using the results of the Arno Profile System (A,P.S) must always remember that it reveals ______________________________, not actual behavior.
Temperament
Our basic identity is formed by the various attributes and components that make up our differences. This God given, unique identity is called " ______________________________"
Temperament
__________________________________ is the inborn part of man that determines how we react to people, places, and things. It affects how we interact with our environment and the world around us.
Temperament
____________________________ + environment = ___________________________
Temperament character
Components that make up the " inner man" are: 1. 2. 3.
Temperament character personality
What is the determinists' response to the existentialists' belief?
That such experiences of freedom are illusions and that introspection is an unreliable and unscientific method for understanding human behavior.
What happens when a codependent becomes enmeshed with another human being?
The codependent may be so enmeshed with another human being that they actually become addicted to that person. In this interpersonal codependency , the person has become so extensively involved in the other person that the sense of self - personal identity is severely restricted, crowded out by that persons identity and problems. . There are severe personal boundary problems in knowing where "I end and you begin"
The belief that a loving, all knowing God individually creates and designs each human being with unique, identifiable traits AND with unique purpose is often refuted as simplistic. The following common objectives are: 1........... 2.........3................
The complexity and diversity of human behavior, the tragic and painful reality of human drama, a concept of "free will" and individual sovereignty which persists in spite of the workings of determinism.
As the months progress the infant is able to .....
The infant is able to relate more to the environment as their vision and other senses improve and they are better able to distinguish colors, objects, and sounds.
Bonding is :
The love connection we enjoy with God and others that motivates us to worship and trust God and to do for others whatever is for their ultimate well -being.
Define control:
The need to establish and maintain a satisfactory relationship with people in respect to control and power. How we control people and situations and how we allow people and situations to control us and summarizes this area and dictates whether we will be a leader or a follower.
Define inclusion:
The need to establish and maintain satisfactory relationships with people in the area of surface relationships, association and socialization. It also includes the cognitive or intellectual functions of the temperament.the way we receive and process information corresponds to the mind in the soul realm.
Define Affection:
The need to give love and affection and how we want to receive love and affection from others.
What besides actual physical abandonment by the alcoholic is also a very real form of abandonment for the children of an alcoholic?
The neglect of the child's basic emotional needs is also a very real form of abandonment.
Describe the FOUR FALSE BELIEFS as found on page 63-64.
The performance trap: I must meet certain standards in order to feel good about myself. Consequences : fear of failure, perfectionism, being driven to succeed, manipulating others to achieve success, withdrawing from healthy risks. Consequences: the fear of failure , perfectionism, being driven to succeed, manipulating others to achieve success, withdrawing from healthy risks. God's solution and result: because of justification, I am completely forgiven and fully pleasing to God. I no longer have to fear failure. Romans 5:1...Increasing freedom from fear of failure, desire to pursue the right things, Christ and His kingdom, love for Christ. The approval addict: I must have the approval of certain others to feel good about myself. Consequences: the fear of rejection, attempting to please others at any cost, being overly sensitive to criticism, withdrawing from others to avoid disapproval. God's solution and result: Because of reconciliation, I am totally accepted by God. I no longer have to fear rejection. Colossians 1:21-22 ..Increasing freedom from fear of rejection, willingness to be open and vulnerable, able to relax around others, willingness to take criticism, desire to please God no matter what others think. The blame game: those who fail ( including myself) are unworthy of love and deserve to be punished. Consequences: the fear of punishment: propensity to punish others; blaming self and others for personal failure , withdrawing from God and fellow believers, being driven to avoid punishment. God's solution: Because of propitiation, I am deeply loved by God. I no longer have to fear punishment or punish others. 1John 4:9-11...Increasing freedom from the fear of punishment, patience and kindness toward others, being quick to apply forgiveness, deep love for Christ. Shame Trap: I am what I am. I cannot change. I am hopeless. Consequences: Feelings of shame, hopeless, inferiority, passivity, loss of creativity, isolation, withdrawing from others. Gods solution and result: because of regeneration, I have been made brand new, complete in Christ. I no longer need to experience the pain of shame. John 3:3-6 and 2Cor. 5:17..Christ centered self-confidence, joy, courage, peace desire to know Christ.
What are the roles Jesus refused when he was tempted in the wilderness, according to Schmidt?
The rescuer, the controller/persecutor and the victim
What is the second part of grieving?
The second part of grieving is that we must see how wrong our layers have been. We must grieve over the sinfulness of our own self-protective attitudes and strategies.
Psychological determinism is:
The theory that the purposes, needs, and desires of individuals are central to an explanation of human behavior.
What does the term " psychodynamics " refer to?
The unconscious motivational forces which influence personality, behavior, and attitude; the interplay of the conscious and unconscious mind .
According to Melody Beattie on page 6, there is a second and more frequent common denominator that she describes as the unwritten, silent rules that usually develop in the immediate family and set the pace and structure for relationships. These rules include:
These rules prohibit talking about problems; openly expressing feelings; or communicating honestly and directly. Typically there are unrealistic expectations about being good or being perfect and twisted definitions abound about selfishness. Little openness about sexuality is tolerated and having fun or playing is discouraged. No one is allowed to rock the delicately balanced family boat through growth or healthy change. While these rules are common to alcoholic family systems they can also operate in families where there is no active chemical addiction.
What are the traits ( of an adult child of an alcoholic) actually a response to?
They are reacting to relational issues, the anger, the control issues and the emotional unavailability of the addict. The traits are actually a response to the trauma of the abandonment and ensuing shame that occurs in alcoholic families.
Why will a Choleric in one or two ares seek counseling?
They are,looking for ways to deal with a difficult situation or gain leverage over the "victim" he is helping.
What happens when these dysfunctional /codependent teenagers or adults are led up to their personal wall in counseling?
They get uncomfortable and then get angry. They miss appointments, criticize, and change counselors when they begin to feel the pressure.
In order to fix the people they literally take over, Choleric's will :
They literally take over other people in order to fix them ; they will control, criticize, abuse, intimidate, and then feel you somehow owe them a debt of thanks for all their concern and help.
What Is the built in conflict that Supine's must deal with? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ .
They present as a Melancholy, they look like aloof loners. But internally they are sanguines, social and people oriented.
Codependent behavior reflects a deeply seated, private and often unconscious belief that the road to love, belonging, salvation, acceptance and success is dependent on our own ability to do what we ______________________________ others want or expect us to do.
Think
What is the issue concerning Darwinist claim?
This process has a building effect so powerful that it can begin with minerals, or even a single cell and gradually produce over time such wonders as flowers , trees, fish, birds, and rational human beings.
What are the components of Minirth-Meier's twofold goal with codependent?
To ease immediate problems and pain caused codependency, and to prevent future multigenerational damage
The goal of counseling is :
To help the person to get through the wall they have built and to break through their superficial way of relating to life and to learn a deeper way of relating.
Another strategy in recovering from codependency is
To learn to identify certain false beliefs which prevent us from experiencing intimacy with God, ourselves and with others. This concept is developed by Robert S. McGee of the Rapha Institute in his book, The Search for Significance.
What did this client give herself permission to do without feeling guilty for not doing more work.
To seek counsel from godly leaders who will encourage her in areas of self care and who can support her in making wise decisions.
What has Phlegmatic in Control allowed the client to do?
To stand her ground as she has learned that giving into her fears of abandonment always leads to trouble. She has found stability and increased self- respect as she has managed to keep her children together and to pay her own bills.
Our basic temperament sets the "______________________________ and ____________________________ " by which we live our lives.
Tone rhythm
Adults who were not _________________________, ___________________________, _______________________________, __________________________________, or ________________________________ to as children experienced losses.
Touched, held, rocked, protected, praised, or listened
The dynamic interrelating of the _________________________________ should be our model.
Trinity
A common denominator among codependents is to develop relationships, either personally or professionally with ______________________________________. _______________________________ or __________________________ people.
Troubled needy dependent
A Phlegmatic family member can be the key player in keeping a dysfunctional family system intact because of their practical dependability. True or false?
True
A clear and healthy understanding of sex and sexuality depends largely on our early experiences in these vitals relationships ( with primary caregivers) when we are most vulnerable . True or False?
True
A good analogy of a healthy marriage is two people committed to playing the same song on their own instruments with their own unique skills, creating pleasing, harmonious yet ever-changing music. True or False?
True
A perfectionists sense of "okayness" comes from the outside, just the opposite of how the child God is supposed to rest in the knowledge of God's love, provision and protection. True or False ______________________________.
True
A supine, who is an abuse victim, may think that she actually deserved to be beaten or molested. True or false?
True
A troubled family will destroy one member to keep its denial system from being penetrated by the truth. True or False ?
True
A.A is a voluntary, worldwide fellowship of men and women from all walks of life who meet together to attain and maintain sobriety. True or False ?
True
According to Minerth - Meier, When roughly one hundred million Americans across two concurrent generations suffer problems of codependency, there is no other word to describe it ( epidemic) True or False?
True
After a grand rescue, the next move on the Drama Triangle is to the position of Persecutor/Controller. True or false?
True
Al-Anon was created when a group of people-primarily wives of alcoholics-formed self-help, support groups to deal with the ways their spouses' alcoholism affected them. True or False?
True
American society expects people to "pull themselves together and get on with doing" True or False
True
An act to fix or prevent necessary pain in someone's life is enabling and unhealthy rescuing. True or false ?
True
Apart from the chemical dependency field, codependency in its own right is an identifiable, unhealthy compulsion. True or False?
True
Because Melancholies have a deep love of the truth, their codependent filters and distortions often substitute hearsay for truth, and make the statistics suit their own purposes. True or false
True
Because we live in a fallen world we do not always have our longings met. True or false?
True
Being a Melancholy in Inclusion has caused this client to deal with more fear and perfectionism issues than a typical Choleric compulsive. True or false?
True
By the age of three to five years the emotional neglect will cause these children to experience a fear of abandonment ( rejection). True or false?
True
Christ died for men who had true, moral guilt, because they had made real and true choices. True or false?
True
Codependency appears multigenerational and cross culturally. True or false _________________________________.
True
Codependency can emerge from ANY family system where certain overt (spoken) and covert (unspoken) rules exists. True or False?
True
Codependents have severe personal boundary problems in knowing where " I end and you begin." True or False ?
True
Developmentalists like Erikson, Piaget, Kohlberg, and Fowler offer helpful theories which organize the pattern of human development from birth to adulthood. True or false.
True
Environment and learned behavior may magnify or lesson the intensity of a person's temperament. True or false?
True
Even though there is no single issue that will affect us more over the course of our lifetime than our sexuality, there is no issue that will get less attention. True or False
True
Healthy families are able to flex and accommodate challenges and changes and still stay intact. True or False?
True
If a person does not have the commitment to change then change will be less likely because of the old patterns and fears coming against them. True or false ?
True
If a person maintains a therapeutic relationship long enough, the wall ( they have built up around themselves) will deteriorate because they will have developed a relationship with the counselor which is deeper than any they have previously experienced. True or false?
True
If the environment is not safe at the time the infant is able to relate more to the environment as their vision and other senses improve, then that means that the mother is not safe, because the mother is supposed to make it safe. True or false?
True
In healthy families, each child will have access to fulfill his own God-given endowment of uniqueness, talents and selfhood. True or False___________________.
True
In healthy families, the children are not the target of their parents' own shame issues; they are not constantly judged and measured by their parents' frustrations and anxiety-ridden projections. True or False_________________________.
True
In order to heal and break free from debilitating patterns, " must first recognize that slavery is at the root of the perpetual pain in our lives." True or False
True
It is a foreign idea for codependents to accept the idea that it is normal to think of our own needs first. True or false?
True
It is possible to become addicted to the momentary relief experienced in praise and worship, or while unburdening and pouring out one's pain to others. True or False ?
True
It is possible to have a pure temperament, meaning the same temperament is in all three areas. True or false?
True
It is the Spirits's work to bring individuals into the unity of the body of Christ. True or false?
True
Learning self-care and to meet our own needs helps us to forgive ourselves for mistakes and to enjoy our successes. True or False
True
Losses happen in subtle ways too. True or false?
True
Many do not realize there are legitimate human needs and these vary depending on our age and development. True or False.
True
Many of the layers are so self-destructive that a person will finally seek help or die. True or false.
True
Melancholies must conquer their fears in order to rise above their weaknesses. True or false?
True
New believers not only need true and proper doctrines, they need godly role models who are true and honest about themselves; they need accountability to become honest and true; and they need to be shown how to grow through applying scriptural principles to their lives. True or False?
True
Once identified, codependency, can be be dealt with quite effectively. True or False ________________________
True
Once rage gets established as a pattern in a child's behavior they rage in response to everything. True or false?
True
Our culture has tended to minimize the importance of our sexuality and basic need to talk about it. True or False?
True
Our self-perception and independent attitudes wrestle with the concept of God placing our identity within us in the womb, yet we readily accept "the fact of determinism " in other arenas and models. True or false?
True
Perfectionists often appear to be highly motivated, but upon closer look, their motivations usually come from a disparate attempt to avoid the low self-esteem they experience when they fail.
True
Personality reveals the strategies we learned to survive in the world. True or false?
True
Physical determinism is the theory that human interaction can be reduced to relationships between biological, chemical, or physical entities, which gives us sociobiology. True or false?
True
Professionals have noted that self-protective devices typically outgrow their usefulness and even become destructive. True or False?
True
Recovery from codependency can be expedited through the principles and practices taught by the N.C.C.A. True or false?
True
Recovery must be focused on the truth, on good solid information which the Melancholy can use to realign their behavior. True or false?
True
Repression of negative emotions keeps codependents "safe" from reality and from the frightening consequences of becoming honest. True or False?
True
Scapegoats cause such problems for the family that they are blamed for everything instead of the parents' drinking problems and codependency. True or false?
True
Secular materialists espouse the belief of Charles Darwin that creation, nature and humanity are the result of a random, purposeless material process. True or False?
True
Since spiritual maturity enables a person to overcome temperament weaknesses, some clients will realize that certain weaknesses are no longer an issue for them. True or False
True
Sometimes called the disease to please, the bondage (of codependency) is real though rarely seen. True of False?
True
Supine's can lose it all if they do not take their weaknesses seriously and receive help from God to conquer their fears. True or false?
True
Surrender means abiding in Gods grace and receiving His acceptance, forgiveness, and empowerment in the Holy Spirit. True or false?
True
Temperament theory is based on the premise that temperament is the inner part of man which God placed within him in the womb. True or false?
True
The accuracy of an APS is subject to the client's honesty in response to the questions . True or false?
True
The assumed developmental pattern (of evolution) is also contrary to the rest of the universe science typically describes as running down and becoming more disordered. True or false?
True
The biblical worldview encompasses all, but not by starting with man but by declaring that God IS. True or false?
True
The central issue in every aspect of life for the codependent is the degree of control they can maintain . True or False?
True
The fact that there are common characteristics of children who grew up in alcoholic families reveals an underlying structure of the disorder. True or False?.
True
The genetic fitness of a population is maintained through mutation of genes and by natural selection. True or false?
True
The goal of Temperament therapy is to assist an individual in understanding how to live out their God-given strengths and to overcome their weakness in healthy ways. True or false?
True
The healthy normal family is not the family which is problem free for no such family exists, rather the healthy family is one that faces their problems and challenges and seeks appropriate outside help. True or False?
True
The only method of arresting alcoholism is total abstinence. True or False?
True
The outgoing, friendly and tender hearted Sanguine is susceptible to being drawn into other people's problems, as well as acting in codependent ways trying to obey dysfunctional rules to gain approval. True or false?
True
The physical determinism of Karl Marx defined and limited human interaction to economic terms. True or false?
True
Unlike many other life threatening disorders which have long, arduous recovery process, codependency lends itself easily to recovery! True or False?
True
Usually this rule is learned by experiencing tension in the air and no one talking about it. True or false?
True
We all bring into the world our our identity which is our temperament. True or false?
True
We cannot earn or merit grace and usually we learn how to receive it. True or false?
True
We stress ourselves unnecessarily to fit images which are not reality oriented just to maintain an ego facade and give the right impression. True or false?
True
Werner Heisenberg asserted that the scientist is as much a participant as an observer ( of human behavior) and therefore interferes with the neutrality and very nature of the object he is observing. True or false?
True
What little an infant relates to the environment is safe because the mother is safe. True or false?
True
When Sanguines manipulate and rescue others it is not to feel powerful and strong, rather it is to stay involved and needed, and to " make you happy." True or false?
True
When a Codependent person discontinued their relationship with one troubled person , they frequently find another troubled person, and repeat the codependent behavior in the new relationship. True or False ?
True
While the "discovery" of codependency has come from secular sources , more and more Christian pastors and counselors are becoming enlightened as to the destructive nature of this disease which ravished the soul of man. True or False _______________________
True
While there may be variations offered for an exact definition of codependency there is much agreement about the characteristics or manifestations in a person's life. True or False?
True
also according to Schaeffer, "the marks of manniashness are still upon him ( man after the fall) —-love, rationality, longing for significance, fear of non-being, and so on." True or false?
True
In Subby's opinion, this rule, more than any other, teaches us not to ____________________________.
Trust
What concept is developed within the infant at this point in the development cycle?
Trust
_______________________________ comes naturally when we become unentangled with others and become the whole individuals He intended.
Trusting
Where does this client's deep peace and inner knowing come from?
Trusting the Lord God Himself who has promised to be a " father of the fatherless and a judge and protector of the widows." Psalm 68:5 Amplified version
A child who _____________________ can problem solve better and is more able to adjust when change occurs.
Trusts
______________________________________ is the key.
Truth
There are three aspects of Temperament Therapy:
Understanding our own unique self and temperament needs, surrender to God through the Lordship of Jesus Christ and to His plan for our lives, willingness to surrender our ungodly ways of meeting our temperament needs.
`shame over our sexuality is largely due to our being ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________.
Uninformed and misinformed
Give an example of unintentional neglect:
Unintentional neglect often happens in the case of a mother who has to return to work and so must leave her infant shortly after it is born. The lack of bonding will cause the child to experience emotional neglect.
This rule embodies ________________________ _______________________________.
Unrealistic expectations
According to Francis Schaeffer, " if I do not understand that man's basic relationship is __________________________, I must try to find it _______________________________....(by relating myself to animal nature) Or to the machine."
Upward downward
Because alcoholism, codependency and all other compulsive behaviors are sustained through the process of denial so insidiously, it is _______________________________ for individuals to come to the realization of their disease/problem.
VITAL
After a victim turns on their rescuer, the noble rescuer is left in the role of the _______________________________, again.
Victim
What would scientists lose if life was declared the product of creative intelligence?
What scientists would lose is not an inspiring research program, but the illusion of total mastery of nature.
Knowing about her husband's temperament needs needs and her own has brought much healing, since Melancholies have a need to understand __________________.
Why
Control corresponds to the " _________________" in the soul realm.
Will
_______________________________ or ___________________________________ and goddess worship represent a return to primal energies of fertility, sensuality, imagination and pagan celebration.
Witchcraft Wicca
Why should you do when a Choleric comes to you for counseling?
You will have to be direct and give them information about codependency, such as two "tip offs". Be brief, get to the bottom line.
List RULE 3 as found on page 35.
don't address issues or relationships directly
