Edu Chapter 2

A good starting place for developing a more positive attitude is to think honestly about the attitudes you're likely to have in certain situations

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how EI influences three elements of daily life: academic success, anger management, and priority management.

A number of studies link strong EI skills to college success. These studies indicate that emotionally intelligent students get higher grades. For example, in one study, researchers looked at students' GPAs at the end of their first year of college. Students who had tested high for intrapersonal skills, stress tolerance, and adaptability when they entered college did better academically than those who had lower overall EI test scores.7 Strong EI also affects students' willingness to stay in college and move forward through challenging situations, even if progress is slow.

intrinsic and extrinsic motivation work together.

As the delivery driver spends more time in classes, she enjoys getting to know her classmates and finds she possesses many strong leadership attributes, both of which make her feel less nervous about becoming a boss. This excitement becomes the intrinsic motivation that will keep her going over the long haul.

Seek out others on and off campus who are positive and optimistic. Take advantage of the opportunities you will get in your college success course to explore the effect your attitude has on the outcomes you want.

Be mindful of your attitude as you move through the weeks of this term, and consciously attempt to be more positive.

General Mood

Optimism: Looking for the bright side of any problem or difficulty and being confident that things will work out for the best Happiness: Being satisfied with yourself, with others, and with your situation in general

So far in this chapter we have asked you to consider how thoughts and feelings affect behavior. We've discussed motivation, attitude, mindset, resilience, and grit, and we've asked you to explore what motivates you, to think about your own attitude, and to reflect on whether you can bounce back from difficulty. These topics are part of a broader discussion of emotions, which we turn to next.

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Resilience is such an important concept in psychological health that the American Psychological Association has developed a list of resilience strategies: "10 Ways to Build Resilience."4 These strategies are as follows:

1.Make connections. Good relationships with close family members, friends, or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and who will listen to you helps you become more resilient. Some people find that being active in civic groups, religious organizations, or other community groups gives them support and encouragement. Assisting others in their time of need can also benefit the helper.

2.Avoid seeing crises as problems that can't be overcome. You can't change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you view and respond to those events. Try looking beyond the present and thinking about how things will be better in the future.

3.Accept that change is a part of living. Obstacles might keep you from achieving certain goals. Accepting situations that cannot be changed can help you focus on those that you can change.

4.Move toward your goals. Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly—even if it seems like a small accomplishment—that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem impossible, ask yourself, "What's one thing I know I can accomplish today that will help me move in the direction I want to go?"

5.Take decisive actions. Don't wait for problems to disappear on their own. Take decisive actions rather than completely avoiding problems and wishing they would just go away. 6.Look for opportunities for self-discovery. Struggles often make people stronger and teach them what they're made of. Consider what you have learned about yourself from going through tough times.

7.Develop a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts help build resilience. 8.Keep things in perspective. Even when facing a very painful event, try to consider the big picture and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.

9.Maintain a hopeful outlook. An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want rather than worrying about what you fear. 10.Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care of yourself helps keep your mind and body ready to deal with situations that require resilience.

Another term used to describe beliefs you might have about yourself is mindset.

A mindset is your attitude about yourself and your most basic qualities, such as your personality, intelligence, or talents. If you have a fixed mindset, you are likely to believe that your characteristics and abilities—either positive or negative—are not going to change through any effort or any adjustments to your behavior.

If you feel powerless and overwhelmed, you're more likely to give up—to skip studying, miss a shift at work, avoid talking with your instructor, or maybe even leave your kids stranded! But if you believe you can deal with these challenges, you'll feel energized to keep going and figure out solutions.

Among the most important factors that will help you achieve college success is your motivation

Find a model. Think about the people with whom you spend the most time. Using the descriptions provided in this chapter, identify those with the strongest emotional intelligence. Observe those people, then compare their behaviors to yours. Which of their behaviors would you like to adopt?

Do research. Conduct research on emotional intelligence for a class project. Alternatively, visit the counseling center and ask for an assessment of your EI skills.

Being optimistic doesn't mean that you ignore your problems or pretend that they will go away, but optimistic people believe in their own abilities to address problems successfully as they arise.

Emotional intelligence may be a new term for you, but your emotions have guided your behavior throughout your life, even if you didn't realize it. For example, whether you just graduated from high school or have worked for several years, you have decided to pursue higher education. This decision might have been based on your family's encouragement, your career goals, or changes in your current job.

Intrapersonal

Emotional self-awareness: Knowing how and why you feel the way you do Assertiveness: Standing up for yourself when you need to without being too aggressive Independence: Making important decisions on your own without having to get everyone's opinion Self-regard: Liking yourself in spite of your flaws (and we all have them) Self-actualization: Being satisfied and comfortable with what you have achieved in school, work, and your personal life

Interpersonal

Empathy: Making an effort to understand another person's situation or point of view Social responsibility: Establishing a personal link with a group or community and cooperating with other members in working toward shared goals Interpersonal relationships: Seeking out healthy and mutually beneficial relationships—such as friendships, professional networks, family connections, mentoring, and romantic partnerships—and making a persistent effort to maintain them

At some point in your college career, something will likely go wrong, no matter how much you plan ahead and how hard you work.

For example, you could temporarily lose your motivation to complete a paper, or you could lose faith in yourself and your abilities. When you're facing such challenges, how you think and especially how you feel have a huge effect on your ability to make the best choices and keep going.

People with a growth mindset believe that their abilities can be improved—that there is no harm in being wrong or making a mistake. They think that the effort they make is what makes them smart or talented. Some of us have a different mindset for different tasks. For instance, you may find that you have a fixed mindset for your athletic abilities but a growth mindset for music.

Her high school was small and lacked some advanced courses, but Amber assumed she was prepared for college. During her first college year, however, Amber earned Bs, Cs, and even a D in algebra. The extrinsic motivation that had come from good grades was long gone, which turned her fixed-mindset world upside down. For several months, Amber was uninterested in almost everything; she had completely lost her motivation to study.

Individuals are motivated in different ways. You might need a better car and a bigger apartment, or you might want to work in a career field that truly interests you.

In general, there are two kinds of motivation.

Many well-known and successful people have overcome tough circumstances and failure; consider the following examples:

J. K. Rowling, the author of all the Harry Potter books, was divorced and penniless when she wrote the first Harry Potter book. That book was rejected by twelve publishers before it was finally accepted. Walt Disney's first animation company went bankrupt, and he was fired by a news agency because he "lacked imagination." Michael Jordan was cut by his high school basketball team. Jordan has been quoted as reporting that he has missed nine thousand shots in his career.

Emotions are a big part of who you are; you shouldn't ignore them. Being aware of your own and others' feelings helps you gather information about the world around you and allows you to respond in appropriate ways.

Once you start paying attention to emotions, you can learn not only how to cope with life's pressures and demands but also how to use your knowledge of the way you feel for more effective problem solving, decision making, and creativity.

In addition to staying motivated, having a good attitude, and developing a growth mindset, it's important for college students to understand and apply the concepts of resilience and grit. Students who demonstrate these characteristics are often able to bounce back when they hit a bump in the road.

One of the most important qualities you can bring with you to college is resilience

Having a growth mindset, however, means that you are willing to try new approaches and that you believe that you can change.3

People with a fixed mindset are often trying to prove themselves, and they're very sensitive about being wrong or making mistakes. They also think that having to make an effort means they are not smart or talented.

Adaptability

Reality testing: Ensuring that your feelings are appropriate by checking them against external, objective criteria Flexibility: Adapting and adjusting your emotions, viewpoints, and actions as situations change Problem solving: Approaching challenges step-by-step and not giving up in the face of obstacles Resilience: The ability to bounce back after a setback

Give yourself credit for good choices that you made, and think about how you can build on those successes.

Recall experiences when things didn't work out; try to think through the mistakes you made and how you could have done better.

Name and label your emotions. When you acknowledge and name your feelings, you will be better able to control them. For example, new college students often fear social rejection. Have you found that you don't know anyone in your courses? Do you avoid talking with other students because you don't think they will like you? If you fear social rejection in class, be honest with yourself about this emotion and take the first step: introduce yourself to others—even those of a different age or ethnicity—and perhaps even ask to join their discussion.

Reflect. As you reflect more on your own attitudes and behavior and consider why you have the emotions that you do, you'll begin to improve your emotional intelligence. Challenge yourself. Studying unfamiliar subjects and interacting with new and diverse people will challenge your EI skills and force you to step outside your comfort zone.

In her research, Duckworth studied cadets at West Point and contestants of the Scripps National Spelling Bee and found that those who succeeded in these stressful situations remained committed to their goals and never gave up. Grit refers to the ability to apply a sustained effort toward one's long-term goals. Like running a marathon, grit requires resilience and perseverance, but it also requires an ability to defer short-term gratification in favor of one's future. Being a "gritty" person means working every day on your goals, chipping away little by little, and always keeping the big picture in mind.

Resilient and gritty students look past negative experiences, learn from them, and try again. For instance, what could you do to improve your grade on your next paper? Perhaps you didn't allow yourself enough time to do the necessary research.

Emotional intelligence includes many capabilities and skills that influence a person's ability to cope with life's pressures and demands.

Skills

If you've been told by people who know you well that you're negative or pessimistic, or if you realize that you always expect the worst, maybe it's time for an attitude adjustment:

Spend some time thinking about what you can learn from difficult situations you faced and overcame.

Stress Management

Stress tolerance: Recognizing the causes of stress, responding in appropriate ways, and staying strong under pressure Impulse control: Thinking carefully about potential consequences before you act, and delaying gratification for the sake of achieving long-term goals

Read for fun. Do some pleasure reading on this topic. If you do an internet search, you'll be surprised at all the information available on emotional intelligence. Reach out. There is nothing like getting some in-person help from a professional. Consider visiting your academic adviser or a wellness or counseling center. Look for related workshops offered on campus or in your community that cover topics such as assertiveness or anger.

Take a college success course. One of the best things you can do to improve EI is something you're already doing: taking a college success course that covers EI. Because these skills can be learned, studies show that infusing them into a college success course can improve first-year students' emotional intelligence and thus their ultimate success.9

However, in spite of the problems it can create, anger does not always lead to negative results. Psychologists see anger as a primary and natural emotion that has value for human survival because it can help us stand up for what is right. Therefore, while anger is sometimes necessary, it must be monitored and controlled. At times you will need to stay open to your feelings, learn from them, and use them to take appropriate actions. Other times, it is better to disengage from an emotion and return to it later.

Using healthy emotional intelligence to prioritize involves deciding what's most important to you and then allocating your time and energy according to those priorities (see also the time management chapter). To do well in college, you will sometimes need to delay gratification—that is, put off certain fun activities so that you will have more time to spend on your academic work. When you successfully make time for what is most important to you, your emotional health reaps the benefits: you feel more confident, more in control, and more capable of handling your life with patience and a positive attitude. On the other hand, if you can't keep what is most important to you at the top of your list of priorities, your attitude becomes more negative, you feel stressed out, and you have less patience for other people. Part of developing a strong emotional intelligence involves paying attention to your priorities and making adjustments when needed.

When you are motivated, you believe in yourself and are determined to follow a specific course of action. You keep making an effort, and when you hit obstacles, you make adjustments to work around them.

Whatever your motivation for attending college, you need to stay mindful of the goals you want to achieve, particularly when you face challenges on your path.

Attitude can link to motivation because your attitude shapes your behavior. For instance, if you have a bad attitude about math because you've had trouble with it in the past, you will be likely to give up on your math courses before you even give yourself a chance to do well. If you don't believe in yourself and your ability to be successful in college, you may find it difficult to stand up for yourself, advocate for what you need or deserve, and take responsibility for your actions.

Whether positive or negative, attitudes often come from our previous environments and experiences with others. Have you ever wondered whether you were "college material"? Has anyone, like a family member or teacher, ever told you that you weren't? How has a comment like that affected your attitude about starting college? Or perhaps a friend or family member has told you how proud they are that you are in college, and this has made you feel determined to work hard.

Amber still likes to see an A at the top of a paper, but she has come to understand that she is more intrinsically motivated by what she learns than by what grade she earns.

Whether you're in your college classes, your job setting, or your home, your mindset—similar to your attitude—can influence how you think about yourself and others, your opportunities, and your relationships. A fixed mindset will cause you to limit the things you do, the people you meet, and even the classes you take in college. A growth mindset will help you be more willing to explore classes and activities out of your comfort zone. It will help you stay motivated because you will see disappointments or failures as opportunities to learn.

If you think you need help developing some of the skills involved in emotional intelligence—especially if you feel that you are not happy or optimistic—do something about it.

You can get by in college without strong EI, but you might miss out on the full range and depth of competencies and skills that can help you succeed in your chosen field—and in life. Here are some concrete ways that you can work to improve EI:

Intrinsic motivation

comes from a desire inside yourself to make something happen, and the reward is the feeling you get inside when you achieve it—like a nursing student who wants to help others.

Extrinsic motivation

comes from the hope of an external reward or the fear of an undesirable outcome or punishment—like a delivery driver who is training for a management position because she fears that her days of lifting heavy packages are coming to a close

Emotional intelligence (EI)

is the ability to recognize, understand, use, and manage emotions—moods, feelings, and attitudes. It should come as no surprise that your emotional intelligence is related to how resilient you are and thus affects your attitude as well as your ability to stay motivated and committed to your goals.

Attitude

is the way you are thinking and feeling about yourself and the events around you.

Healthy EI also contributes to overall academic success, positive professional and personal relationships, career development and satisfaction, and physical and psychological well-being. For example, some studies suggest that cancer patients who have strong EI live longer than those with weak EI

n addition, people who are aware of the needs of others tend to be happier than people who are not. An extensive study done at the University of Pennsylvania found that the best athletes succeed in part because they're extremely optimistic.6

resilience

not giving up or quitting when faced with difficulties and challenges. Resilient people maintain a positive attitude even when faced with difficult situations, and they stay focused on achieving their purpose. Students who are resilient—who bounce back quickly from difficult situations—will be more successful in college and in life. Learning to keep going when things are hard is one of the most important lessons you'll learn in this class.

Another concept that is similar to resilience is grit,

which is a combination of perseverance, passion, and resilience. Psychologist Angela Lee Duckworth has studied grit and has found that people who are "gritty" are more likely to be both academically and personally successful.5

motivation

your desire to make a particular effort to achieve something that's important to you. Motivation involves having a high level of commitment and energy that you direct or focus toward a goal.