ENGL 1102- verbose writing causes and cures quiz!
how to fix presenting information in phrases or clauses that could have instead been mentioned in passing?
-He immediately paints the Burmese as villains. He does this to create sympathy for himself. To: To create sympathy for himself, he immediately paints the Burmese as villains. -Harrison leaps into an attack in her first sentence. This makes her seem angry. To: Harrison seems angry, leaping into an attack in her first sentence. (Note the use of the present participle here—the "-ing" form of the verb. This verb form can often be used to combine a sentence that starts with "This..." into the previous sentence). -He prolongs the death of the elephant. This makes the elephants suffering, and Orwell's guilt and rage, seem more intense. To: He prolongs the death of the elephant, making the elephants suffering, and Orwell's guilt and rage, seem more intense. OR To: He prolongs the elephant's suffering, intensifying our sense of Orwell's guilt and rage.
examples of how to fix adding unneeded words to the end/ repeating what has already been said/ making explicit what has been implied?
-He organizes the essay to discourage analysis and prevent the reader from taking an objective view. To: He organizes the essay to discourage analysis. -He creates an argument against Orwell that opposes his ideas. To: He argues against Orwell.
examples of how to correct dead metaphors/ cliched meanings?
-Inflation may have a negative impact on profits. To: Inflation may reduce profits. -The delayed funding negatively impacted the school. To: The delayed funding harmed the school. -The game was delayed due to the storm. To: The storm delayed the game. (Note that in the original version, the cliché "due to"changes the logical, cause-effect sequence of what happened. The correction puts the sequence in the natural and chronological order of subject-verb-object).
examples of how to fix "to be" and "to have" verbose sentences?
-It is possible that the problem is that Simmons has not seen the opposing evidence. To: Simmons may not know the opposing evidence. -She is an opponent of his who is often seen on talk shows arguing against the ideas he has prompted. To: She often argues against his ideas on talk shows. -He claims that the percentage of accidents has increased, but there is no evidence of this increase presented in his essay. To: Without any evidence, he claims that the percentage of accidents has increased. -There are two ways in which Orwell attempts to manipulate the reader's emotions. To: Orwell attempts to manipulate the reader in two ways.
examples of how to fix nominalization?
-The essay's organization discourages an objective analysis. To: He organizes the essay to discourage analysis. -They implemented a new plan to perform the installation of the software. -They installed the software.
examples of fixing passive voice?
-The pace slows when the elephant is found by Orwell. To: The pace slows when Orwell finds the elephant. -The emphasis on the final words is created by the slow ending of the sentence. To: The slow ending of the sentence emphasizes the final words.
what is the problem with using the nouns "individual" or "human?"
-The word "individual is not a synonym for the word "person"- it means a single entity. -The words "human" is okay if you are contrasting it with other animals. Otherwise, it needlessly substitutes the biologists' formal term for the word "people."
what are the two general problems causing wordiness?
-an attempt to adopt a formal tone (rather adopting a bureaucratic/ pseudo-scientific tone, resulting in the use of jargons/cliches/passive voice/ nominalization/ linking verbs). -an attempt to discuss a subject without examining specific information (leads to generalizations/abstraction and long, empty sentences)
Presenting information in phrases or clauses that could have instead been mentioned in passing is BAD!. Often, information that could have been given in the subject are pushed into the predicate or into a new sentence. Watch for...
...relative pronouns such as "this" and "that," which are often a symptom of this problem. (This problem often occurs in discussing cause and effect, or in looking at the intentions behind an act. In general, put things in chronological order, placing the cause before the effect in your sentence or paragraph).
name the more specific causes of verbose writing!
1. Use of "to be" and "to have" verbs. 2. Nominalization: making a verb into a noun, which forces you to find another verb for the sentence. Often, "ion" or "ment" are added to verbs to nominalize them. 3. Passive voice: reversing the normal subject-object sequence of an English sentence. 4. Adding unneeded words to the end, either repeating what has already been said, or making explicit what is implied. 5. Using cliched phrases, often dead metaphors, instead of finding the word that most clearly expresses the intended meaning. 6. Presenting information in phrases or clauses that could have instead been mentioned in passing. Often, information that could have been given in the subject are pushed into the predicate orinto an entirely new sentence. A symptom of this problem: the pronouns "this" and "that." But any pronoun should be viewed with suspicion, for clauses and sentences can often be combined, making the pronoun unnecessary.
what is the problem with the word "concept?"
A "concept" is in words something created, like a child. When we use the word, we are emphasizing, perhaps unwillingly, that what we are saying is entirely a possibility derived from nothing but our thoughts, with no evidence to support it. In other words, it has no validity whatsoever, and shouldn't be given the weight of a theory. It causes wordiness, however, for a simpler reason; it is usually padding, just like the word "issue"
what is the problem with the constant use of general terms such as "issue," "concept," and other dead metaphors?
An issue is something that spreads from a source. Consider that the word is also a verb... it can mean several things: - a personal concern ("I have an issue with that.") - a problem ("the new drug has caused several issues") - the subject of a discussion ("today we will discuss the issue of drug discussion") - a controversy ("what is her stance on the issue of climate change?") The last two instances can be shortened... to: "Today we will discuss drug addiction." and "What is her stance on climate change?" *Cutting words from sentences can create straightforward writing."
should you replace the words "individual" or "human" with the word "people?"
No. Do not change the word to "people." Seek more specific information. Avoid generalities. Discuss specific evidence.
what is the problem with presenting information in phrases or clauses that could have instead been mentioned in passing?
Often, information that could have been given in the subject are pushed into the predicate or into an entirely new sentence. A symptom of this problem: the pronouns "this" and "that." But any pronoun should be viewed with suspicion, for clauses and sentences can often be combined, making the pronoun unnecessary.
what does a mistaken attempt to discuss a subject without examining specific information lead to?
The resulting dependence on generalizations and abstraction often leads to long, empty sentences
what is a verbose passage?
a passage that uses more words than are needed. usually weak and flabby; obscures essential nouns and verbs
what does a failed attempt to adopt a formal tone lead to?
adopting a bureaucratic or pseudo-scientific tone. The result is often the use of jargon, clichés (often dead metaphors), nominalization, linking verbs, and the passive voice
why is the word "concept" a dead metaphor?
it is an abbreviated form of the original word: conception
what is wrong with metaphors?
it is used in phrases that describe literal issues, making it seem redundant/ slightly comical. EX: Consider phrase such as "the issue of pollution" or "smoking issues" (pollution and smoke are literally issued from a source).
what is nominalization?
making a verb into a noun, which forces you to find another verb for the sentence. Often, "ion" or "ment" are added to verbs to nominalize them.
what is passive voice?
reversing the normal subject-object sequence of an English sentence
What is the simplest way is to look for particular words and word endings that promote verbose writing?
search for: 1. Forms of the verbs "to be" (to be, is, are, will be, been, was, were) and "to have" (have, has,had). 2. The verb endings "ion" and "ent." 3. The pronouns "this" and "that." 4. The clichés "positive," "negative," "due to," and "issue."
what is the order of a sentence?
subject -> verb -> object!
