HDFS 239- L7

Parenting Styles: Definition

*Another way that parents influence their children during adolescence* is through their approach to child-rearing and discipline. In a view popularized by *Diane Baumrind*, parents can be categorized into "*styles*" of parenting according to where they fall along *two dimensions* - *warmth and control*. Parents can be described as high in warmth or low in warmth, and high in control or low in control. Two dimensions with two levels each (high/low) makes for *four possible parenting styles*: *Parental Warmth* The dimension of "warmth" is the idea of demonstrated affection, love, and acceptance by parents. Be aware that with regard to parenting styles,* "warmth"* *does not mean "love*" that is felt by the parents to the children. Parents through history and time have always loved their children. Those parents who are high in warmth, however, make sure (through word or deed) that their children know they are loved. Not all parents show their children love, however, and some are notorious for expecting that their children just know that they are loved without being told or shown. Examples are "I work 60 hours a week to give you everything, why do you think I do that?" or, "He knows I love him, I don't have to tell him . . ." *Parental Control* The dimension of "control" refers to *strictness, demandingness, and/or level of supervision. *When parents have high expectations, know what their children are doing (and who their friends are), and supervise their children, they are high in this dimension. It is important to note that in this view, control is generally a positive characteristic, when used appropriately and discriminantly. Overly strict parents, however, would also be categorized as high in control, even though such strictness is not considered positive.

Conflict Justification Types

*Conventional* The conventional argument justification references standards of behavior. In other words, there is a comparison against which the behavior is being held. For example, in an argument over what the adolescent is wearing, either the parent or the adolescent may use a conventional justification: Parent: "I'd be embarrassed if my friends saw you dressed like that." Adolescent: "All my friends are wearing things like this." *Two things occur during this type of argument*: * (1) *neither side wants to legitimize the other side's viewpoint, and *(2) *each side has different standards of comparison they are using, so they are not likely to be able to come to an agreement on this argument. The parents' standard may be in line with adult standards, but the adolescent standard is the peer group, with which the adolescent wants to fit in. Hence, when they use different standards of comparison, neither side will be able to persuade the other they are "right." *Pragmatic* The pragmatic argument justification considers practical needs or consequences. In other words, the outcome or consequences of the behavior are considered. For example, in an argument over how late the adolescent can stay out, either the parent or the adolescent may use a pragmatic justification: Parent: "You can't stay out that late because you'll sleep late and won't be on time for school in the morning." Adolescent: "I stay out late on Saturdays and still get up for church on Sunday morning, so I will be able to get up for school that day." When this type of justification is used, compromise or persuasion is sometimes possible (by either the parent or the adolescent). As alluded to in Lesson 4, this type of argument is also good for developing the adolescent's reasoning skills. Indeed, if the adolescent steps back and tries to take the parents' view before arguing her/his point, s/he is better equipped to address the real issue by overcoming adolescent *egocentrism*. Often, however, adolescent egocentrism prevents the adolescent from being able to take the parent's usually-more-experienced viewpoint. *Personal* The personal justification is used by the adolescent to maintain personal jurisdiction over him- or herself. For example, "it's my body and you can't tell me what to wear." As your book mentions, this justification style is a favorite defense for adolescents because they genuinely see many conflictual issues as personal jurisdiction issues. In other words, adolescents feel that parents do not have the right to try to control these personal freedoms. *Authoritarian* The authoritarian justification is used by the parent as a reference to authority and punishment. For example, "Because I said so" or "because it is my house and my rules." *The parent views this as a final decision*, while the adolescent often does not agree to the parent's right to control the issue (see the above discussion of personal freedoms). This is not to suggest that when adolescents and parents argue they always use the same *justification type*. In fact, they often don't. This is another *reason arguments often don't get resolved* - because adolescents and their parents may be using different justification types, and therefore don't share any common ground on the issue. For example, an adolescent wants to have his *eyebrow or tongue pierced*, and uses a personal justification, "it is my body and I can do with it what I want." The parent, on the other hand, sees beyond personal choice to real-world consequences and uses a pragmatic justification, "but no one will hire you for a job if you look like that." *Application: Using Conflict Justifications* Consider this: In addition to types of conflict justification, research has also shown that *adolescents and parents tend to find different types of justifications more effective or useful*. For example, in research with mothers and adolescents, *mothers were more likely to see conventional and authoritarian justifications as effective*. Meanwhile, *adolescents' least favorite arguments by parents are authoritarian*. This fact alone (in addition to the conflict itself) can lead to more conflict (ever get in an argument where you are not even arguing about the issue anymore, but begin to argue about the argument itself?) . . . Think of it this way - one reason for conflict (or continued conflict) is approaching the issue from different justification styles, making it harder to reach an agreement. For instance, recall the story of the *three blind men and the elephant*: Each approaches the animal from a different side and tries to identify it by feel. "It's a snake," the first blind man says, feeling the elephant's trunk. "No, it's a tree trunk," the second man says, feeling the elephant's leg. "You are both wrong, it is a wall," says the third man, feeling the elephant's side. From his perspective and limited point of view, each blind man was "right" and could not understand what the others were telling him from their different viewpoints. When different conflict justifications are used, adolescents and their parents may never reach a level of agreement. Other justifications aren't necessarily any better. Parents don't like adolescents' use of conventional justification because appeals to peer standards may already be a source of conflict, and the parent likely does not subscribe to the peer standard of comparison. And finally, *pragmatic or personal appeals are not always effective* because the parents may not be willing to share power with the adolescent, expect the adolescent to be responsible for tasks the adolescent does not wish to do, or feel the issue in conflict is not the adolescent's right because the adolescent is not responsible enough to make his/her own decisions, will make the wrong decision, or doesn't have enough experience to make a good decision. Thus, *one of the main reasons that adolescent-parent conflict largely disappears* by late adolescence is that by then, parents generally view the adolescent less as a child, granting him/her increased freedom and autonomy.

Generation Gap: View from the Adolescent's Generation

A common belief about adolescents is that they have vastly different ideas, beliefs, and values than their parents, and they are likely to rebel against their parents if given the opportunity. As you learned in your reading, however, this is not the case. Notice the definition of generation gap just given refers to differences in opinions and standards, not values or beliefs. *What adolescents agree with their parents on . . .* Most adolescents and their parents genuinely love and respect each other. In fact, adolescents typically agree with their parents' values, beliefs, and ideas, on the big issues. That is, parents and their adolescents generally share ideas about the importance of education, work, and family, value of personal characteristics (honest, dependable, hard-working, etc.), and role of religion generally (but not necessarily on attendance at religious services). Further, in these areas, *adolescents typically are in closer agreement with their parents than their generational peers*. And, just as in other areas of life, where there is agreement it often goes unnoticed. And *what adolescents disagree with their parents on . . .* What gets noticed most often, especially in the relationship between parents and adolescents, are the conflicts over smaller, day-to-day issues (relatively minor but numerous). These are the things that the generations often have different opinions or standards about. Thus, *adolescents and their parents often argue over* curfews and what constitutes punctuality, cleanliness level (what constitutes "clean" or "tidy"), choice of how to spend free time (and how much time with friends), what media are used, how often they are used, and the volume of said media, what clothing (hair style, etc.) is acceptable, and types and amount of chores and what constitutes "done". In these areas, adolescents are generally more in agreement with their peers (who feel the same way they do) than their parents. Interestingly, as adolescents reach adulthood, and especially after having children, they tend to conform more to adult-like thinking. As you can imagine, though, these issues come up often during adolescence, so opportunities for conflict are plentiful. A mother in the book *Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher* (1994) states, "We fight ten times a day, over the most ridiculous stuff. It's like being nibbled to death by minnows" (p. 66).

Conflict with Parents

As you can see, adolescents and their parents do have conflict about certain things. And as you read earlier in this lesson, most adolescents and parents love each other and get along most of the time. Still, *conflict occurs more often with parents than with peers*, and differs from arguments with peers in several ways. *Arguments with parents:* are more emotional and of greater intensity; usually do not end in compromise, but tend to have a "winner" and a "loser"; are more common with mothers than with fathers (because adolescents usually have more communication with, and are closer to, their mothers); occur more in authoritarian homes than in authoritative homes (see the next section on parenting styles for descriptions of these terms); occur more often because parents hold different opinions and expectations about the day-to-day issues than peers; tend to be more intense because most family relationships don't break up over conflict, while friendships sometimes do, requiring more caution when arguing with friends; and increase through adolescence, and then decrease by late adolescence. Interestingly, when conflict occurs, both the parent(s) and the adolescents are unhappy about it, but some evidence suggests that *parents feel more stressed by the conflict than adolescents*. *Conflict Justification Types* So we know that parent-adolescent conflict occurs, how it differs from conflict with peers, and we know what types of issues that conflict is most likely to be about (see the list in the previous section). We know even more than this . . . Not surprisingly, when arguing, *both parents and adolescents use certain types of justifications to support their argument*. In other words,* both sides try to justify their standpoint.* When examining the typical home day-to-day conflicts about things like appearance, cleaning room, and chores, argument justifications can be classified into four types: *Conventional Pragmatic Personal Authoritarian*

Family Influences on Achievement

As you just learned, experiencing parental divorce can have long-term consequences on children and adolescents. One such consequence is *lowered academic achievement* (including grades and level of education reached) and *lowered occupational achievement*. In this section, we will recap the *familial factors that influence adolescent achievement in positive ways*. *Parental Values and Expectations* As you now know, parents usually share family values with their adolescents. When they do, and they also provide encouragement, set appropriate standards to which they hold their adolescents, and are involved with the adolescent's education and activities, their adolescents tend to achieve more educationally and occupationally. Parents who are uninvolved or uninterested are harming their adolescent's chances of achieving their goals. *Parenting Style* Which parenting style that we discussed earlier in this lesson do you think is associated with higher achievement? As is the case with most other outcomes, the best parenting style for adolescent achievement is usually authoritative parenting, a firm but fair parenting style. When adolescents feel supported and loved (with appropriate control), they have better outcomes and are able to achieve more. *Home Environment* Home environment refers to things or experiences that are available in or from the home. It includes influences like SES (discussed in Lesson 1) and the availability of reading materials. Reading materials include periodicals like newspapers and magazines as well as books (including reference books like dictionaries, etc.). Academic achievement is correlated with the amount of reading materials in the home. In other words, adolescents who do well academically tend to come from homes with more reading materials (what type of correlation is that?). Another family influence on achievement is known as *cultural capital*, which refers to the types of cultural/artistic activities the adolescent is exposed to. These activities include visiting museums, attending music and other live performances, or dining at restaurants. But it also includes daily exposure to art, music, literature, and entertainment that are present in the home. Adolescents who have been exposed to more cultural capital are more likely to achieve higher grades and occupational status compared with those without such exposure. *Social capital*, on the other hand, is a measure of how much social support is available to the adolescent. It includes encouragement, assistance, material and non-material help that is provided by parents and other adults to the adolescent. It is especially helpful when shared among families in a community. For example, adults (perhaps neighbors or friends) who are available to help with homework questions that parents cannot answer are a valuable resource.

Divorce: Short-term Effects

Families are still important to adolescents when they break up. Although divorce rates in the United States have dipped slightly from their high in the 1980s, they remain among the highest in the world. So much so, in fact, that there is a good chance that you have experienced the divorce of your parents or are divorced yourself. How does experiencing parental divorce affect adolescent development? Overall, hundreds of studies now show that *children from divorced families experience more negative consequences compared with children from never-divorced families*. In particular, children from divorced families score lower in academic achievement and social and emotional skills. These findings are consistent, but they are also rather small, meaning that the differences between children from divorced homes and those from never-divorced homes are there, but they are not usually large. *Short-Term Effects of Divorce* But the full extent of consequences might depend on when in the life of the child the divorce occurred. While some parents wait until their children are older and "can understand better" before they divorce, converging evidence suggests that *adolescence may be the worst time for parents to divorce*, in terms of its short-term and long-term effects on adolescents. Consider first the *short-term effects*: —Feelings of shock disbelief, guilt, anger and betrayal, fear, anxiety, and insecurity —Drop in academic grades —Behavior changes like withdrawal, acting out, substance use, or risk-taking —More likely to engage in early sexual activity —Increase in stress level —These effects are due to multiple factors, including: —The disruption of the parental relationship —Decreased contact with the non-residential parent (usually the father) —Increased conflict with the residential parent (usually the mother) —Decreased supervision by the residential parent (due to reduction from two parents to one parent in the home) —Decreased authoritative parenting (due to parents' own stress, adjustment to the divorce, and decreased supervision) —Changes in SES of the single-parent family (often also associated with moving, changing schools, and other stressful adjustments in lifestyle) As you can imagine from this discussion, behavior changes including *withdrawal, acting out, or risk-taking *can be downright dangerous during adolescence. Such behavior changes at a time of decreased supervision (because of increasing age but also because of the divorce) accounts for worse outcomes of divorce for adolescents compared with younger children. For example, children of all ages are likely to act out or withdraw when their parents divorce. But adolescents typically have access to dangerous choices that younger children don't have. Whereas an 8 year-old may throw a tantrum, an adolescent may turn to drugs or alcohol to "help handle the stress." A younger child may lash out at siblings, but an adolescent may turn to risky sexual behavior to get attention or to feel loved.

Emotions

If you were to ask people what they know about adolescents, one topic that is sure to come up is emotions. "Adolescents are so moody!" someone might state. Or, "they are always so emotional" another might offer. Earlier lessons have explained why adolescence is not a period of "*storm and stress*" per se, but adolescent moodiness is typical. It is this "*moodiness*" that we turn to now. *Intensity of Emotions* Long before cell phones were common, researchers *Larson and Richards* (1994) performed what is sometimes known as the "*beeper study*" to understand how adolescents' emotions compared with or differed from their parents' emotions. In this study, participants (matched pairs of adolescents and their parents) carried pagers that randomly signaled when the participants were to record their emotions at that moment. Results showed that adolescents reported having more emotions, and more intense emotions, than their parents. Adolescents expressed being "*very unhappy*" three times (3x) more than their parents. In addition, adolescents expressed being "*very happy*" five times (5x) more than their parents. This does not mean that parents in this study did not have many positive or negative emotions, although parents did report "*neutral*" emotions more than the adolescents. But parents reported having "*somewhat" positive and negative emotions* more often than adolescents, who reported more "*very" positive or negative emotions*. Thus, because adolescents seem to experience more intense emotions more often, it is understandable how conflict could occur between parents and their adolescents (i.e., a parent doesn't understand why something seemingly trite makes an adolescent "very" upset and this turns into conflict). This, then, is *another contributor to adolescent-parent conflict*. *Emotional Transmission* Another interesting area of research in emotions is their transmission. *Emotional transmission* is the transfer of emotional state from one person to another. In other words, emotions are "*catching*." Most people already know through this their own personal experience. For example, have you ever found yourself in a bad mood, and perhaps contacted a particular friend who always has a way of cheering you up? You know that you will somehow catch their positive emotion. And emotional transmission seems to be *hard-wired into us as humans*. Even newborns will begin crying when they hear another baby crying. as an example of adults (and some adolescents, likely) "catching" positive emotions and passing it along (literally paying it forward). Now put it all together: *adolescents experience a range of emotions of greater intensity than adults*, and they spend a lot of time together, reinforcing their heightened emotions. Families also tend to share emotions when they spend time together, and adults are more stressed than adolescents after an argument. As you can imagine, living with adolescents under these conditions is a recipe for emotional conflicts!

Divorce: Long-term Effects

In addition to the immediate or short-term effects of divorce, children and adolescents also experience long-term effects of divorce. These *long-term effects* indicate problems with adjustment that may continue well into adulthood: —Lowered academic achievement —Lowered occupational achievement in adulthood —Poorer emotional adjustment —More likely to marry at a young age —More likely to divorce as adults —Sleeper Effect Other long-term effects of divorce occur when adolescents whose parents divorced when they were children show an increase in negative behaviors after puberty. This is known as the *sleeper effect*, defined as an increase in acting out, substance use, academic difficulties, or risk-taking during adolescence, years after the divorce occurred. *Reasons for the sleeper effect* include one previously discussed - young children don't usually have access to the same types of behaviors that adolescents do (i.e., substances, sexual opportunities, etc.). Another reason (also discussed previously) is the reduced supervision that usually accompanies a divorce. *Single parents *typically monitor their children less than families with two parents due to lack of time and resources. *Less monitoring is associated with more risky behaviors.* Finally, *another reason for the sleeper effect* could be confusion about the nature of romantic and intimate relationships as a result of parental divorce. Witnessing conflict or an unhealthy relationship may cause confusion about intimacy once the adolescent begins dating or becomes sexually active. The adolescent may not know what a healthy relationship looks like. *Higher Likelihood of Divorce* Perhaps not surprisingly, *adults from divorced families are more likely to experience divorce in their own marriage. *Researchers have found the *following reasons*: —Adults whose parents divorced hold a more negative view of marriage compared with adults from non-divorced homes; —Despite their more negative view of marriage, adults from divorced homes are just as likely to marry as adults from non-divorced homes. However, their negative view of marriage may contribute to its lack of success; —Individuals from divorced homes are more likely to marry at a younger age, and age at marriage is negatively correlated with likelihood of divorce; —Individuals from divorced homes may be more likely to view divorce as a solution to an unhappy situation

Generation Gap

In this week's lesson, we will examine *one of the most important developmental contexts for adolescents - the family*. Although adolescents spend less time with their families than when they were children, they are still greatly impacted by what occurs in this important context, as you will see. Let's begin with the generation gap, which everyone has heard of but few people really understand. In short, the *generation gap* is a disconnect in opinions or standards between adolescents and older individuals (generations). There are two sides to this gap - the older generation's viewpoint, and the adolescent's viewpoint. *Generation Gap: View from the Older Generation* As an example of the older generation's viewpoint, here's a relatively recent quote from a well-known psychologist: "Never has youth been exposed to such dangers of both perversion and arrest as in our land and day. Urban life has increased temptations, prematurities, sedentary occupations, and passive stimuli, just when an active, objective life is most needed. Adolescents' lives today lack some of the regulations they still have in older lands with more conservative traditions." In other words, adolescents today are faced with temptations including adult pleasures, lack of physical activity, and exposure to passive stimuli, when what they really need is to be physically and mentally active. Just how recent is that quote? It was written by G. Stanley Hall, in his 1904 volume Adolescence (well, it is recent, compared to some of the other quotes below!). But it could have easily have been written today. You may have heard your *parents or grandparents* (or someone else from their generation) bemoaning the current generation of adolescents as *lazy, unwilling to work, not as interested or hard-working as their generation, not caring, or other variations on that theme*. It would seem, however, that each generation feels that way about the next generation, and has for centuries (even thousands of years!).

Parenting Styles: Outcomes

Several decades of research have found, and longitudinal studies continue to find, many child outcomes that are correlated with parenting style. In other words, parenting style appears to impact individual development. The following table summarizes *parenting styles and their associated outcomes in adolescence*: Description of Baumrind's Parenting Styles, with Adolescent Outcomes Parenting Style Description of Parenting Behaviors Outcomes in Adolescence *Authoritative* Provide guidance to their children while respecting their independent decisions, interests, and opinions Stress social values and use punishment when necessary, but prefer using explanations and rewarding good behavior Create a relationship between parents and children that is warm and loving Tend to use induction, a discipline technique that focuses on inducing desirable behavior, and relying on reasoning and explanations for rules and punishments -Self-controlled -Cheerful and friendly -Cope well with stress -Self-reliant -Achievement-oriented -Persistent and cooperative -Mature -High self-esteem *Authoritarian* Value control and unquestioning obedience Are very strict, more detached, and less warm Inflict punishment that is often harsh and inflexible Tend to use power assertion, a discipline technique that relies on fear or intimidation to get children to behave -Often rely on physical punishment -Fearful, apprehensive -Moody, unhappy -Easily annoyed -Passively hostile -Aimless -Permissive/ Indulgent -Value self-expression and self-regulation -View themselves as resources, not models -Seem to want to be more of a "friend" to the child, rather than a parent -Make few demands, are non-controlling -Are very warm toward the children -Rebellious and impulsive -Low in self-control and self-reliance -Low self-esteem -Aggressive -Low school achievement -Immature and dependent -Neglectful / Uninvolved -Are uninvolved in the child's life -Focus on their own needs, rather than the child's needs -Often suffer from high levels of stress or depression -Behavior disorders -Low school achievement -Low in self-control and emotional regulation

Adolescent's Parents are Changing too

Thus far in this course we have focused on changes the adolescent experiences during this time of transition. However, because most parents of adolescents are at least approaching middle-age (parents of adolescents are typically between 35-50 years of age), the parents are facing their own sets of decisions and identity issues as they age. After all, adolescents are not the only individuals who are changing - *development is a lifelong process* and middle-aged parents are doing their share of developing as well. For example, as your text explains, *marital satisfaction* is at its lowest when the children are adolescents. In other words, during the time that the eldest child is an adolescent, the honeymoon is over . . . way over for the parents. Marital satisfaction will rise again, but until it does, this can put some strain on family relationships, in addition to the strain of raising adolescents. In addition, *parents may be undergoing any of the following life changes*: —Mothers are approaching or going through *menopause*, a normal developmental transition for the woman that may be made more difficult as her daughter begins her reproductive years at the same time the mother is leaving them behind. —Fathers may find it harder to get and/or maintain an *erection*, and *orgasms* may be less intense (these are common in middle-aged males, although they are *due to health status and stress level*, not to biological changes occurring in the male's body). —Either or both parent(s) may be dealing with issues around *job identity *- whether they are happy in their job, dealing with limitations of their job mobility or experience, loss of opportunities for advancement or change, or a host of other possible issues. —Parents may be caring for an *aging parent *in addition to a growing adolescent. This "*sandwich effect*" causes strain on physical, emotional, and financial resources, as well as coping and time management skills. All of this may be occurring against a backdrop of an adolescent child going through puberty and having his/her own identity crisis, sexual issues, etc. And these may impact the parent's interactions with the adolescent. For example, a parent who realizes that his own lack of education has limited his career choices or opportunities may feel it necessary to put pressure on his children, drive them harder, or make decisions for them "for their own good." Yet in spite of all this, perhaps, *adolescents generally remain close with their families*. *Adolescent females remain closer to moms than dads, *while adolescent *males are less close to moms at this time* (making them about equally close to mom and dad).

Conflict and Compliance

When adolescents *understand the reasons behind the rules* and agree that parents have the right to oversee the issue, they are less likely to argue and are more likely to comply with parental rules. However, when they *view the rules as unnecessary*, infringing on their personal freedom, or if they don't understand the rules, adolescents are not likely to comply with them and are more likely to argue. In fact, some clinicians working with adolescents claim that many of the arguments between adolescents and their parents are just "*surface" arguments*. In other words, the argument is not really about what the adolescent is wearing or what time he will be home. In reality, the reasoning goes, these arguments are really about the underlying "deep" issues of freedom and autonomy. It is as if the adolescent is trying to say, "I can make my own decisions, I can be my own person, you need to trust me." And the parent is responding, "you aren't ready yet, you still need me to protect you, don't be in such a hurry." As stated previously, once parents grant more freedom and autonomy in late adolescence, these arguments virtually disappear.

Criticisms of Baumrind's Parenting Styles

While Baumrind's parenting styles have been used in countless studies and have been found to be reliably related to numerous child outcomes, there are also some *criticisms*: The associations between parenting styles and developmental outcomes* are correlational*, and *do not establish causation* (remember correlation does not mean causation?). There is no way to determine whether these parenting styles are causing the outcomes, or whether both styles and outcomes are related to some other factor. However, most researchers do believe that outcomes are caused by parenting style, although it would be unethical to perform the experiment to find out for sure. *Temperament, personality, and bi-directionality* are not considered. In other words, the *analysis of parenting styles does not take child temperament into account*, nor does it figure in the role of bi-directionality of influence (which recognizes that parents and children influence each other, and influence does not just flow from parent to child). *Parenting styles are viewed as characteristic of the parents*, not of the relationship between the parent and child or individual children. Some families are hard to pin down to a single parenting style and this conceptualization does not explain how or why the same parents might have different parenting styles for different children. In addition, *parenting styles have been shown to change with the age of the child*: —Authoritarian parenting decreases from early to late adolescence —Authoritative parenting generally stays the same from early to late adolescence, but is reduced in scope (in other words, the number of issues that parents intervene on decreases over time) —Permissive parenting increases from early to late adolescence The parenting styles present an *ethnocentric view* of child development. White, middle-class families fit the pattern well, while families of other races, ethnicities, or SES sometimes show different patterns of outcomes according to parenting style. Be sure to read in your text about cultural diversity (ethnic differences) in parenting style outcomes for another important criticism of the parenting style approach. Ultimately, *the most important thing for child and adolescent development is a feeling of being connected to parents and the family*. In other words, the best outcomes for adolescents occur when they believe their family loves them, accepts them, and is there for them.