interpersonal communications exam 2

I, You, and We language

"You" language places the focus of attention and blame on other people; should avoid this "I" language emphasizes ownership of your feelings, opinions, and beliefs; is less likely to trigger defensiveness on the part of your listeners; creates a clearer impression on listeners that you're responsible for what you're saying and that you're expressing your own perceptions rather than stating unquestionable truths "We" language emphasizes inclusion; common way people signal their closeness; helps us bolster feelings of connection and similarity

five incompetent types of listening

(1) selective listening (2) eavesdropping (3) pseudo-listening (4) aggressive listening (5) narcissistic listening

defensive communication

(or defensiveness) is impolite messages delivered in response to suggestions, criticism, or perceived slights -dogmatic messages : person dismisses suggestions for improvement or constructive criticism, refuses to consider other views, and continues to believe that their behaviors are acceptable -superiority messages : the speaker suggests that they possess special knowledge, ability, or status far beyond that of the other individual -indifference messages : a person implies that the suggestion or criticism being offered is irrelevant, uninteresting, or unimportant -control messages : a person seeks to squelch criticism by controlling the other individual or the encounter avoid defensive communication by actively listening and attending to others, engaging in self-disclosure, and conveying caring and warmth

communication apprehension

a fear or anxiety associated with interaction; intense discomfort while talking with others and therefore have difficulty forging productive relationships physical symptoms = nervous stomach, dry mouth, sweating, increased blood pressure and heart rate, mental disorganization, and shakiness communication plans are mental maps describing how encounters will unfold prior to interacting in the situations or with the people or types of people that cause your apprehension -plan actions are the "moves" you think you'll perform in an encounter that causes you anxiety -plan contingencies are the messages you think your communication partner or partners will present during the encounter and how you will respond

(2) uncertainty avoidance

a measure of how different cultures tolerate and accept unpredictability high-uncertainty-avoidance cultures (ex: Mexico, South Korea, Japan, and Greece) = people place value on control; they define rigid rules and conventions to guide all beliefs and behaviors, they feel uncomfortable with unusual or innovative ideas, they want structure in their organizations, institutions, relationships, and everyday lives; children raised in such cultures are taught to believe in cultural traditions and practices without ever questioning them low-uncertainty-avoidance cultures (ex: Singapore, Jamaica, Denmark, Sweden, and Ireland) = people put more emphasis on letting the future happen without trying to control it; care less about rules, tolerate diverse viewpoints and beliefs, welcome innovation and change, feel free to question and challenge authority; teach their children to think critically about the beliefs and traditions they're exposed to, rather than automatically following them

attributional complexity

acknowledging that other people's behaviors have complex causes -to develop this ability observe others' behavior and analyze the various forces influencing it -routinely use perception-checking to avoid attributional errors and regularly demonstrate empathy to identify with others

function of nonverbal communication - expressing emotions

affect displays : intentional or unintentional nonverbal behaviors that reveal actual or feigned emotions cultures have very different display rules which are guidelines for when, where, and how to manage emotion displays appropriately

aggressive listening

also called ambushing; attending to others solely to find an opportunity to attack them provocateurs or trolls are people who post online messages designed to annoy, offend, or antagonize others; they wait for people to post responses and then they attack the responses if this happens --> discover and deal with the root causes of your aggression

language is flexible

although all languages have constitutive and regulative rules, people often bend those rules personal idioms are words and phrases that have unique meanings to them

hearing impairment

although we can't escape noise pollution some people intentionally expose themselves to intense levels of noise pollution --> this can result in hearing impairment, the restricted ability to receive sound input across the humanly audible frequency range

adapting your listening purpose

an essential part of active listening is adapting your listening purposes to the changing demands of interpersonal encounters -occur within professional and nonprofessional encounters to do this heighten your awareness of the various possible listening functions during your interpersonal encounters and keep in mind situations change how you should listen

culture

an established, coherent set of beliefs, attitudes, values, and practices shared by a large group of people influences include: nationality, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation, physical abilities, and age cultures are learned, communicated, layered, and lived.

sex

anatomical biological distinctions like external genitalia, internal reproductive sex organs, hormones, and chromosomes at birth we are assigned a sex category and in many countries our birth certificates state male, female, or intersex **intersex = born with or develop differences in reproductive or sexual anatomy that don't seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male

communicating through objects

artifacts are the things we possess that express our identity to others; use to communicate power and status

romantic relationships

assumptions -heterosexual bias -men and women completely different -men and women as homogenous groups same-sex couples tend to experience more stress when they are not surrounded by a supportive network of family and friends the rules : men are from mars, women are from venus heterosexual couples face many of the same issues relating to each other as LGBTQ+ couples do so rather than homing in on gender as the causal factor behind every romantic relationship challenge and experience we should consider human character as the source of friction in relationships

pseudo-listening

behaving as if you're paying attention when you're really not; prevents you from attending to or understanding information coming from the other person so you can't recall the encounter later

understanding listening styles

both culture and gender affect listening style gender: studies have found few (if any) substantial gender differences related to listening BUT women are more likely to use people-oriented and content-oriented styles while men are more likely to use time-oriented and action-oriented styles culture : effective listening varies across cultures; in America time and action oriented listening styles dominate (high value on time and efficiency); in collectivistic cultures people content and relational oriented listening styles dominate

nonverbal and verbal combine to create communication

both nonverbal and verbal communication are essential when sending and receiving information verbal and nonverbal communication are experienced not separately but together

gender and verbal communication

bulk of recent research suggests a lack of gender differences in verbal communication; verbal communication is influenced more by who you are talking to, the type of feedback you are receiving, and the topic you are talking about, than by your gender but some differences are: -women focus on intimacy, seek commonality and want to be understood; speech is more disclosive, supportive, and tentative -men focus on status or independence, interrupt more frequently and want to solve problems; speech is more commanding, assertive, and less emotionally responsive nonverbal communication : -the way we use our bodies, voices, faces, and personal space (emotional mask for boys and men) -how we chose clothing, accessories, personal objects -how we convey our emotions -all key aspects of our gender expression and how we "do" gender -definition : the intentional or unintentional transmission of meaning through an individual's nonspoken physical and behavioral cues -DOES have gender differences

crafting conversations

conversation is interactive (2+ people), is locally managed (decisions regarding who gets to speak when, and for how long, each time we exchange turns), is universal, and adheres to scripts (rigidly structured patterns of talk) communication scripts allow us to relevantly and efficiently exchange greetings, respond to simple questions and answers, trade pleasantries, and get to know people in a preliminary fashion without putting much active thought into our communication

naming

creating linguistic symbols for objects. It is one of humankind's most profound and unique abilities when we name people, places, objects, and ideas, we create symbols that represent them; we then use these symbols during our interactions with others to communicate meaning about these things

culture is lived

culture affects everything about how you live your life; it influences the neighborhoods you live in, the means of transportation you use, the way you think, dress, talk, and even eat culture is often a great source of personal pride and a powerful tool for self-expression

gender identity

deeply felt awareness or inner sense of being -boy/man/male -girl/woman/female -genderqueer, gender neutral, gender nonconforming

sharing meaning

denotative meaning is the literal meaning of your words as defined by your culture connotative meaning is the additional understanding of a word's meaning based on the situation and on common knowledge; is implied, suggested, or hinted at by the words you choose while communicating with others; people who know each other extremely well can convey connotative meanings accurately to one another

(5) emotion displays

display rules are the cultural guidelines for when, where, and how people should and shouldn't express emotion; it governs very specific aspects of your nonverbal communication, such as how broadly you should smile, whether or not you should scowl when angry, and the appropriateness of shouting out loud in public when you're excited; shapes communication in close relationships children learn such display rules and over time internalize them to the point where following these rules seems normal (why you likely think of the way you express emotion as natural rather than as something that has been socialized into you through your culture) immigration = when families immigrate to a new society it often provokes tension over which display rules to follow; people who are closely oriented to their cultures of origin often continue to communicate their emotions in traditional ways but usually the the first generation of children born in the new society move away from traditional forms of emotional expression emotional expressions mean different things in different cultures; adjust your expression of emotion to match the style of the individuals with whom you're interacting and according to the communication situation people don't abide by the display rules of their culture in every situation ex: in the US men are generally socialized not to express vulnerable emotions in public

culture is communicated

each culture has its own practices regarding how to communicate and these can widely differ from one another intercultural communication = when you communicate with someone from a different culture -some interactions can be seamless; some can be challenging when we communicate with others we must consider their complex "kaleidoscope" of experiences as well as our own when it comes to culture

cooperative verbal communication

easily understood, takes ownership with "I" language, and includes others with "we" language cooperative principle = we make our conversational contributions as informative, honest, relevant, and clear as is required (requires awareness of situational characteristics) -informative = present all the information that is relevant and appropriate to share given the situation and avoid being too informative -honesty = most important; other people count on the fact that the information you share with them is truthful; not sharing information that you're uncertain about and not disclosing information that you know is false -relevant = making your conversational contributions responsive to what others have said; stick with relevant topics and avoid those that aren't -clear = presenting information in a straightforward fashion

feedback, paraphrasing, and clarifying

feedback = using verbal and nonverbal behaviors to communicate attention and understanding while others are talking -crucial for creating a sense that a relationship exists between the parties involved -positive feedback : can enhance a speaker's confidence, generate positive emotions, and create a sense of relationship connectedness; to effectively display positive feedback make your feedback obvious, appropriate, clear (by avoiding behaviors that might be mistaken as negative feedback), and quickly in response to what the speaker has just said -negative feedback : can cause speakers to hesitate, make speech errors, or stop altogether to see what's wrong and why we're not listening -feedback can also include "back-channel cues" which are verbal and nonverbal behaviors such as nodding and making comments like "uh-huh" or "that makes sense" in order to signal you've paid attention to and understood specific comments -by showing speakers that you're actively listening and feel a sense of empathy toward them then in turn you facilitate building and sustaining close interpersonal relationships paraphrasing = summarizing others' comments after they've finished talking -can help you check the accuracy of your understanding during both face-to-face and online encounters -downside is that paraphrasing can also lead to conversational lapses (silences of three seconds or longer that participants perceive as awkward) because when you paraphrase you are simply restating what has already been said rather than advancing the conversational topic forward

(5) recalling

fifth step of the listening process is recalling -remembering information after you've received, attended to, understood, and responded to it -we can judge the effectiveness of listening based on our ability to accurately recall information after we've listened to it -recall accuracy varies depending on the situation; when people have no task other than simple memorization recall accuracy is high but when people are engaged in activities more complicated than straight memorization recall accuracy is low enhance your recall ability by using mnemonics which are devices that aid memory -you can bolster your memory of an interpersonal communication encounter by linking information you've listened to with pleasant or even silly visuals, scents, sounds, or music

(1) receiving

first step in the listening process is receiving : consists of seeing and hearing -seeing occurs when observations travel through the lens of your eye to your retina sending the images through the optic nerve to your brain and translating the info into visual images -hearing occurs when sound wave vibrations travel along acoustic nerves to your brain which interprets them as words and voice tone -noise pollution can cause hearing impairment (crowds, road and air traffic, construction equipment, phone alerts, music) -people can receive without experiencing both seeing and hearing (deaf or blind people) enhance your ability to receive by improving your listening by becoming aware of noise pollution and adjusting your interactions accordingly

function of nonverbal communication - conveying meanings

five indirect ways to augment nonverbal communication: 1. reiterating (repeat verbal messages like when you say "Up!" you point upward) 2. contradicting (saying "NO IM NOT ANGRY" while scowling and shouting) 3. enhancing to signify your point 4. replacing (shaking head instead of saying no) 5. spotlighting (increasing loudness of just one word)

(4) responding

fourth step of the listening process is responding (conveying your attention and understanding after someone shares) -it is important to clearly and constructively respond through positive feedback, paraphrasing, and clarifying back-channel cues signal you've paid attention to and understand specifics

gender is learned

gender is learned and things like family, friends, schools, and mass media contribute starts before baby is even born : through selecting masculine or feminine names, baby clothing, toys, nursery decorations, etc gender socialization process continues and escalates after birth and parents encourage or discourage behaviors they deem gender appropriate or inappropriate

communicating through touch : haptics

haptics is using touch to communicate nonverbally; present in the womb and in infants there are six types of touch: -functional-professional touch to accomplish task -social-polite touch derive from social norms like handshake -friendship-warmth touch to express our liking for another -love-intimacy touch to convey deep emotional meaning -sexual-arousal touch to physically stimulate another person -aggressive-hostile touch to hurt or humiliate others

sexism

hostile sexism = hostility towards women like "women are too easily offended" benevolent sexism = promotion of tradition roles like "women should be cherished"

co-cultures

in any society there are groups of people who have more power than others; having more power in a society comes from controlling major societal institutions, such as banks, businesses, the government, and legal, health, and educational systems co-cultures = formed by members of a society who don't conform to the dominant culture so they have their own cultures that co-exist within a dominant culture -based on age, gender, social class, ethnicity, religion, mental and physical ability, sexual orientation, and other unifying elements when people from co-cultures interact with people from the dominant culture, co-cultural communication occurs co-cultural communication theory = the people who have more power within a society determine the dominant culture because they decide the prevailing views, values, and traditions of the society constructing the social standards members of co-cultures develop communication practices for dealing with members of the dominant culture like : -assimilation (suppress their co-cultural identity and fit in with the dominant culture) -accommodation (behave in ways that authentically represent their co-culture in an attempt to get members of the dominant culture to accept it) -separation (distance themselves from the dominant culture, through blatantly challenging its legitimacy and/or isolating themselves socially and interpersonally from it) -assimilation, accommodation, and separation can be approached with varying degrees of assertiveness : assertive, nonassertive, and aggressive -use overly polite language -suppress reactions to offensive comments -try to excel to counteract negative stereotypes -conform to negative stereotypes in an exaggerated way -try to act, look, and talk like members of the dominant culture -openly disparage their own co-culture -express co-cultural identity through appearance, actions, and words

eavesdrop listening

intentionally and systematically setting up situations so that you can listen to private conversations; it is both inappropriate and unethical; can be personally damaging to relationships

function of nonverbal communication - help managing interactions

kinesics (eye contact, facial expressions, gestures) let us shape communication; regulate others' attention and behavior

communicating through body movements : kinesics

kinesics are visible body movements that communicate meaning; the richest nonverbal code in terms of its power to communicate meaning (1) facial expressions to communicate emotions and we make judgments about what others are feeling by assessing their facial expressions (also emojis) (2) eye contact to express emotions, signal when it's someone else's turn to talk, and show others that we're listening to them (prolonged staring — fixed and unwavering eye contact of several seconds' duration) (3) gestures -emblems represent specific verbal meanings (flipping someone off) -illustrators accent or illustrate verbal messages (telling someone about a bumpy road and bouncing your hand up and down) -regulators control the exchange of conversational turns during interpersonal encounters like telling speakers to keep talking, repeat something, hurry up, or let another person talk or telling listeners to pay attention or to wait longer for their turn (holding a finger up to interrupt or saying brb when texting) -adaptors are touching gestures often unconsciously made that serve a psychological or physical purpose (4) posture conveys immediacy and power -immediacy is the degree to which you find someone interesting and attractive -power the ability to influence or control other people or events

shaping thought

language shapes how we think about things and how we perceive reality linguistic determinism is the view that language defines the boundaries of our thinking; we are mentally constrained by language to think only certain thoughts and we cannot interpret the world in neutral ways because we always see the world through the lens of our languages linguistic relativity: people from different cultures perceive the world in very different ways

culture is learned

learn your cultural beliefs, attitudes, and values from many sources, including your parents, teachers, religious leaders, peers, and the mass media; this process begins at birth

five functions of listening

listening to comprehend = when you listen for purpose you work to accurately interpret and store the information you receive so you can correctly recall it later listening to discern = focus on distinguishing one sound from another to help you decipher something; listen carefully to someone's vocal tone to assess mood and stress level listening to analyze = carefully evaluate the message you're receiving and you judge it listening to appreciate = your goal is simply to enjoy the sounds and sights you're experiencing and then to respond by expressing your appreciation listening to support = providing comfort to a conversational partner is another common purpose for listening; to do this you must suspend judgment by taking in what someone else says without evaluating it and openly expressing empathy; this prioritizes the other person's perspective and needs over your own

language evolves

many view language as fixed, but it is actually constantly changing and rules shift we add new words to our language (tweet, app, cyberbullying, sexting) and discard old ones

(6) masculinity versus femininity

masculine cultural values include the accumulation of personal wealth as an indicator of success, assertiveness, and personal achievement; people are often taught that competition is the highest good; people who "win" or who are "the best in their field" are often looked up to as heroes; "beating out the competition" and "having a competitive edge" are emphasized throughout schooling, in politics, and within professional life ex: Japan, Hungary, Venezuela, Italy, United States feminine cultural values emphasize compassion, consensus, cooperation, relationship health, and quality of life for all people; tend to have less distinct gender roles, tend to emphasize caring for underrepresented groups, and boosting quality of life for all people ex: Sweden, Norway, the Netherlands, and Denmark

language is cultural

members of a culture who speak the same language may develop their own variations on that language called dialects -ex: ya'll vs you guys -ex: coke vs pop vs soda use language to communicate thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and values with one another thereby reinforcing their collective sense of cultural identity people may perceive others who use dialects similar to their own as ingroupers, and may be inclined to make positive judgments about them as a result; people may perceive those with dissimilar dialects as outgroupers and correspondingly make less positive judgments about them

same sex frienships

mens same sex friendships more task based or activity orientated women's same sex friendships more supportive and disclosure and communication based sometimes greater friendship differences exist within a group of girls or within a group of boys; rather than a coed group

misunderstadning

misperceiving the thoughts, feelings, or beliefs expressed in another's verbal communication; failure to actively listen; if a message must be error-free or if it's controversial don't use e-mail or text messaging to communicate it

nonverbal communication influenced by culture

most people need years of immersion in a culture before they fully understand that culture's nonverbal communication ex: cultural differences in the meaning of eye contact derives from individualism versus collectivism in cultures

function of nonverbal communication - defining relationships

nonverbal communication helps to create intimacy which is the feeling of closeness between us and our partners -not just touch nonverbal communication also allows us to express dominance or submissiveness when expressing affection and intimacy people rely more upon nonverbal than verbal communication

function of nonverbal communication - presenting self to others

nonverbal communication helps us present different aspects of our self to others we have to shift our nonverbal communication quickly to present ourselves in different ways when the situation demands

deception

occurs when people deliberately use uninformative, untruthful, irrelevant, or vague language for the purpose of misleading other; concealment is most common which is leaving important and relevant information out of message (not necessarily lying) deception is uncooperative, unethical, impractical, and destructive

prejudice

occurs when stereotypes reflect rigid attitudes toward groups and their members; coupled with negative affect (feelings or emotions) and a predisposition to behave negatively toward those people; involves powerful emotions -is destructive and unethical -leads people to communicate in condescending, disrespectful, offensive, and hostile ways -one specific belief set linked to prejudice is the orientation toward social dominance : the view that certain groups should rule over other groups stereotype content model = prejudice centers on two judgments made about others: how warm and friendly they are and how competent they are benevolent prejudice = occurs when people think of a particular group as inferior but also friendly and competent hostile prejudice = occurs when people have negative attitudes toward a group of individuals whom they see as unfriendly and incompetent **our perceptions of shared attitudes, beliefs, and values based on cultural and co-cultural affiliations can lead us to classify those who are similar to us as ingroupers and those who are different as outgroupers

communicating through the environment

our environment is the physical features of our surroundings -fixed features are stable and do not change (walls, doors) -semi-fixed features are easy to change (furniture, lighting)

friendships

our friendship relationships differ in many ways from our family connections because we choose with whom we are friends, and our choices often are shaped by shared interests and who we like gender-specific spaces play a powerful role in gender socialization, and that gender-inclusive spaces can play a role in fostering friendships across genders

communication accommodation theory

people adapt their communication when they seek social approval, when they wish to establish relationships, and when they view others' language use as appropriate

(4) high and low context

people in high-context cultures use relatively vague and ambiguous language to convey important meanings; people presume that others within the culture will share their viewpoints and thus perceive situations in same way; no need to provide a lot of explicit information within messages; very collectivistic ex: China, Korea, Japan people in low-context cultures tend not to presume that others share their beliefs, attitudes, and values; they strive to be clear and direct in communication; very individualistic; people openly express their views and try to persuade others to accept them; people generally work to make important information obvious, rather than hinting or implying ex: Germany, Sweden, Canada, and United States

(1) individualism versus collectivism

people in individualistic cultures value independence and personal achievement; people are encouraged to focus on themselves and their immediate family, and individual achievement is often praised as the highest good ex: United States, Canada, New Zealand, and Sweden people in collectivistic cultures emphasize group identity, interpersonal harmony, and the well-being of ingroups; taught that it's important to belong to groups or "collectives" that look after you in exchange for your loyalty; people emphasize the goals, needs, and views of groups over those of individuals, and define the highest good as cooperation with others rather than individual achievement ex: Guatemala, Pakistan, Korea, and Japan social media : people in collectivistic cultures tend to use sites that emphasize group connectedness, where those in individualistic cultures tend to use sites that focus on self-expression ex: United States --> facebook : post about yourself and your life

(7) views of time

people with a monochronic time orientation view time as a precious resource that can run out; it can be saved, spent, wasted, lost, or made up; spending time with someone or making time in your schedule to share activities with someone sends the message that you consider that person—and your relationship—important; view time as a gift you give others to show your affection or as a tool for punishing someone people with a polychronic time orientation view time as flexible, not as a resource to be spent, saved, or guarded; don't consider time of day as important or relevant to daily activities; usually flexible when it comes to time; believe that harmonious interaction with others is more important than being on time or sticking to a schedule differences in time orientation can create problems when people from different cultures make appointments with each other as it causes frustration from monochronic people when the polychronic people are late accept the fact that people view time differently, and be willing to adapt your own expectations and behaviors accordingly

communicating through physical appearance

physical appearance influences all our interpersonal encounters; how you look conveys as much about you as what you say visible attributes such as hair, clothing, and body type facial symmetry is considered attractive across cultures clothing has a major impact on how others perceive you

gender is socially constructed

primary way we understand gender is by interacting with others in society as well as with societal structures like hospitals, stores, public restrooms, etc typical expectation is that gender expressions coincides with sex (girls and women are expected to enact more feminine behaviors, and boys and men are expected to enact more masculine behaviors) achieving/accomplishing your gender = behaving in a way that society expects you to, or in a way that typically is consistent with your sex category doing gender : gender is not static, we cannot opt out of doing gender, gender is interactional -how we "do" gender changes as the roles, societal expectations, people, and settings change in our daily interactions central aspect of learning gender is learning the norms and standards that your society associates with the sex categories

communicating through personal space : proxemics

proxemics is communication through the use of physical distance four levels of distance: -intimate space ranges from 0 to 18 inches and usually happens in close relationships -personal space ranges between 18 inches and 4 feet and is the distance we occupy during encounters with friends -social space ranges from about 4 to 12 feet (workplace, acquaintances, strangers) -public space upward from 12 feet (formal occasions like speeches or lectures) territoriality is the tendency to claim physical spaces as our own and to define certain locations as areas we don't want others to invade without permission

mediated listening

receiving, attending to, understanding, responding to, and recalling sounds and visual images through mediated, electronic and social media channels; sometimes called social listening

listening is a five step process

receiving, attending, understanding, responding, recalling

language is governed by rules

rules govern the meaning of words, the way we arrange words into phrases and sentences, and the order in which we exchange words with others during conversations constitutive rules define word meaning: they tell us which words represent which objects ex: in the English language is the word dog refers to a domestic canine regulative rules govern how we use language when we verbally communicate -the do's and dont's -guide everything from spelling to sentence structure to conversation to communicate competently, you must understand and follow both the constitutive and regulative rules governing the language you're using

(2) attending

second step in the listening process is attending (devoting attention to the information you've received) -salience is the degree to which it seems especially noticeable and significant; this is a a factor in determining the extent of attending; we have limited control over this but we can control our attention level mental bracketing = systematically putting aside irrelevant thoughts; good for when you find your attention wandering; when irrelevant thoughts arise, let them pass through your conscious awareness and drift away, without allowing them to occupy your attention fully

narcissistic listening

self-absorbed listening: the perpetrator ignores what others say and redirects the conversation to him or herself; these people provide positive feedback as long as they are the center of conversational attention but the moment the topic switches to something other than them they give negative feedback to avoid this allow the conversation to focus on topics other than you and your own interests and offer positive feedback when such topics are discussed

cultural influences on communication

seven characteristics shape our intercultural communication: (1) individualism versus collectivism (2) uncertainty avoidance (3) power distance (4) high and low context (5) emotion displays (6) masculinity versus femininity (7) views of time

gender roles

shared societal expectations for conduct and behaviors that are deemed appropriate for girls or women and boys or men; we are taught this from very early age girls and boys across the world encounter unequal gender expectations and stereotypes; differences are socially, not biologically, determined these prescriptive gender roles have substantial negative outcomes and they are socially (not biologically) determined boys learn early on is that they are expected to be tough, whereas girls learn to be polite and pretty

moving beyond gender sterotypes

suggestions: -look within : examine both the attitudes that you hold about women and men and the beliefs that you have concerning gender differences -look beside you : reflect on the perceived social support you experience from your network of family and friends -turn your gaze outward : consider how you communicate with other people and how you interact with societal resources for doing gender

selective listening

taking in only those bits and pieces of information that are immediately salient and dismissing the rest; by doing this we rob ourselves of the opportunity to learn information from others that may affect important personal or professional outcomes to overcome selective listening --> practice techniques for enhancing attention like mental bracketing; dont strive to learn how to listen to everything all at once but instead seek to slowly and steadily broaden the range of information you can actively attend to during your encounters with others

nonverbal communication is liberated through technology

technology allows us to communication nonverbally created two outcomes : (1) we can choose various forms of media that let us hear and see others when interacting (2) we can use these modalities to better maintain intimate, long-distance relationships created two challenges : (1) zoom fatigue = emotional and mental exhaustion on video calls because we tend to smile more animatedly and speak louder than during other conversations attempting to compensate for the lack of physical presence (2) diminished smiling = focusing attention on one's phone rather than the people in proximity to oneself has a dramatic effect on smiling; smiling is critical for both initiating encounters and creating a feeling of emotional connection with others

world mindedness

the ability to accept and respect other cultures' beliefs, values, and customs ways to practice world mindedness -accept others' expression of their culture or co-culture as a natural element in their interpersonal communication, just as your communication reflects your cultural background -avoid any temptation to judge others' cultural beliefs, attitudes, and values as "better" or "worse" than your own -treat people from all cultures with respect

intercultural competence

the ability to communicate appropriately, effectively, and ethically with people from diverse backgrounds strengthen your intercultural competence by applying world-mindedness, attributional complexity, and communication accommodation

ethnocentrism

the belief that one's own cultural beliefs, attitudes, values, and practices are superior to others'; it is a comparative evaluation as they view their own culture as the standard against all other cultures should be judged opposite of world mindedness; ethnocentrism is not the same thing as pride in your cultural heritage, or patriotism because you can be culturally proud, or patriotic and not be ethnocentric

(3) power distance

the degree to which people in a particular culture view the unequal distribution of power as acceptable high-power-distance cultures = people of different social and professional status have different levels of power; people tend to give privileged treatment and extreme respect to those in high-status positions; expect individuals of lesser status to behave humbly especially around people of higher status who are expected to act superior low-power-distance cultures = people in high-status positions try to minimize the differences between themselves and lower-status persons by interacting with them in informal ways and treating them as equals power distance affects how people deal with interpersonal conflict (if it is the norm to engage in conflict with higher power people) and also affects how people communicate in close relationships especially families

nonverbal communication codes

the different means used for transmitting information nonverbally

verbal communication

the exchange of spoken or written language with others during interactions -serves many different functions in our daily lives

the gift of active listening

the gift of listening poses so many challenges for us when we reach adulthood as we struggle with listening in part because it is exceptionally demanding active listening requires dedication to mastering knowledge, hard work in practicing skills, and the motivation to continually improve

nonverbal communication

the intentional or unintentional transmission of meaning through nonspoken physical and behavioral cues sometimes you may carefully consider your nonverbal communication and other times you may be completely unaware of the nonverbal messages you convey

gender

the social, psychological, and behavioral attributes that a particular culture associates with an individuals biological sex beliefs about individual characteristics : strength, leadership, emotionality beliefs about roles in society : parent, teacher, politician, CEO gender will vary according to culture because different cultures have different standards, or norms, for expected behaviors, roles, and gender expression

verbal aggression

the tendency to attack others' self-concepts rather than their positions on topics of conversation; can evolve into bullying -aggression stems from a temporary mental state these people denigrate others' character, abilities, or physical appearance rather than constructively discussing different points of view expressed not only through speech but also through behaviors, such as physically mocking another's appearance, displaying rude gestures, or assaulting other microaggression = when communication stressors that negatively affect others are directed toward people who are members of underrepresented groups -verbal and nonverbal exchanges

(3) understanding

third step in the listening process is understanding (interpreting meaning) -this involves interpreting the meaning of another person's communication by comparing newly received information with our past knowledge -whenever you receive and attend to new information you place it in your short-term memory which is the part of your mind that temporarily houses the information while you seek to understand its meaning -while this new information docks in your short-term memory you call up relevant knowledge from your long-term memory which is the part of your mind devoted to permanent information storage; you can then compare relevant prior knowledge from your long-term memory with the new information in your short-term memory to create understanding

competently managing your nonverbal communication

three principles: 1. effectiveness : nonverbal speaks louder than verbal in interactions 2. appropriateness : nonverbal messages depend on context so be able to adapt and change 3. ethics : nonverbal and verbal communication flow and work together and only when both are joined that more competent interpersonal communication ability is achieved

improving attention level

to improve your attention : limiting your multitasking and elevating your attention limit multitasking: -limit the amount of time you spend each day multitasking because multitaskers perform substantially worse on tasks compared with individuals who focus their attention on only one task at a time -especially important to limit this online because multitasking erodes your capacity for sustaining focused attention -brain plasticity is how our brains adapt to the tasks we regularly perform during our waking hours and by multitasking we are training our brains to focus attention only in brief burst elevating attention: -develop awareness of your attention level & monitor how your attention naturally waxes and wanes -take note of encounters in which you should listen carefully but that seem to trigger low levels of attention -consider the optimal level of attention required for adequate listening during these encounters -compare the level of attention you observed in yourself versus the level of attention that is required, identifying the attention gap that needs to be bridged for you to improve your attention -elevate your level of attention to the point necessary to take in the auditory and visual information you're receiving

transgender and cisgender

transgender (trans) people self-label differently than their sex category assigned at birth; cisgender (cis) people self-label the same as their sex category assigned at birth

principles of nonverbal communication

uses multiple sensory channels : -auditory, visual, and tactile is more ambiguous than verbal communication : -more flexible; a smile or shared glance can mean multiple things -interpretations vary has fewer rules than verbal communication : -the few rules we have are just informal norms like "raise your hand when you want to speak" has more meaning : -we often infer more meaning from people's nonverbal communication than from their verbal messages -important for first encounters and first impressions

barriers to cooperative verbal communication

verbal aggression, deception, defensive communication, and communication apprehension

mixed messages

verbal and nonverbal behaviors that convey contradictory meanings people almost always trust nonverbal messages more than verbal ones when verbal and nonverbal messages align the amount of attention we pay to verbal communication rises

managing relationships

verbal communication is the principal means through which we maintain ongoing relationships; use language to redefine relationships by declaring powerful revelations more verbal communication = less uncertainty in relationships

communicating through voice : vocalics

vocalics are vocal characteristics we use to communicate nonverbal messages; our voices communicate our social, ethnic, and individual identities to others; shapes first impressions -tone is the most complex of human vocalic characteristics and involves a combination of richness and breathiness (resonating in chest or resonating in sinus) -pitch is the frequency range of your voice (high or low; stereotyped with genders) -loudness is volume of your voice -speech rate (people who speak quickly but enunciate clearly are just as competent communicators as those who speak moderately or slowly)

understanding gender

we are moving away from gender polarization which is "every other aspect of human experience" is connected to male/female sex distinction ex: "all gender" signs on public restrooms, nonbinary characters in media, celebrities who discard binary understandings of gender & describe themselves as nonbinary, gender fluid, or genderqueer

reflecting on gender in our relationships

we are never just one category, or piece of ourselves, but rather the sum total of all of our individual experiences, cultures, and co-cultures; gender is socially constructed

culture is layered

we belong to more than one culture meaning we experience multiple layers of culture simultaneously, as various traditions, heritages, and practices are recognized and held as important

performing actions

we make requests, issue invitations, deliver commands, or even taunt; we also try to influence others' behaviors and want our listeners to grant our requests or accept our invitations speech acts are the actions we perform with language -representative : commits the speaker to the truth of what has been said (assertions, conclusions) -directive : attempts to get listeners to do things (questions, requests, commands) -commissive : commits speakers to future action (promises, threats) -expressive : conveys a psychological or emotional state that the speaker is experiencing (thanks, apologies, congratulations) -declarative : produces dramatic, observable effects (marriage pronouncements, firing declarations)

gender and cooperative verbal communication

women and men are more similar than different when verbally communicating

nonverbal communication influenced by gender

women are better than men at sending and receiving nonverbal messages aka communicating both genders good at interpreting nonverbal communication men are more territorial than women

language is symbolic

words are the primary symbols that we use to represent people, objects, events, and ideas whenever we use items to represent other things, these items are considered symbols all languages are basically giant collections of symbols in the form of words that allow us to communicate with one another

words and gender

words shape our identity of gender; we may describe the same attribute for masculinity and femininity by using different words ex: handsome versus pretty

four listening styles

your listening style is your habitual pattern of listening behavior which reflect our attitudes, beliefs, and predispositions about listening; we learn our listening styles early in life (1) action/task oriented listeners = see listening as transactional, and prefer brief, to-the-point, and accurate messages from others so they can focus on task completion; these people can grow impatient when communicating with people they perceive as disorganized, long-winded, or imprecise (2) time/critical oriented listeners = focus their attention on the accuracy and consistency of what another person says. They have a tendency to critically consider and evaluate another person's message, and focus on discerning mistakes and catching errors in logic (3) people/relational oriented listeners = view listening as an opportunity to build and maintain relationships with others; they listen to empathically connect with others and understand their viewpoints, feelings, and emotions (4) content/analytical oriented listeners = prefer to withhold their judgment until they have considered all the facts and sides of an issue, taking time to carefully evaluate information and details before forming an opinion about what they've heard to be an active listener you have to use all four styles so you can strategically deploy each of them as needed