Intimate Relationships Final
prevention of relationship problems: PREP
(PREP): Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program -religious-oriented PREP -finding a PREP therapist: >prepinc.com
parenthood in same-sex: Anderson et al. (2002)
-23 empirical studies published between 1978 & 2000 -common outcomes: emotional functioning, sexual preference, stigmatization, gender role behavior, behavioral adjustment, gender identity, cognitive function -children raised by lesbian mothers or gay fathers did not systematically differ on these outcomes
relabel
-a technique in which a couples therapist offers a more benign interpretation for a specific behavior or event so partners can understand it in a more positive and productive light -reframing it
finding a CBT therapist
-academy of cognitive therapy -association for behavior and cognitive therapies -self-help books >John Gottman >Howard Markman and Scott Stanley >Andrew Christensen and Neil Jacobson (IBCT)
other approaches: insight oriented
-affective reconstruction: revisit past relationships to identify themes and coping styles regarding conflict management >insight that follows helps person be able to change their own behavior >insight that follows helps other person make more benign (i.e., less blaming) attributions about partner's behavior
systems model
-an approach to couples therapy that emphasizes the repetitive patterns of interaction that create tension between partners, and the unspoken rules and beliefs that govern those interaction
object relations couples therapy
-an approach to therapeutic intervention with couples that assumes intimate communication is motivated by unconscious feelings and beliefs and aims to neutralize them so partners can relate to each other authentically
projection
-an unconscious tendency for a person to deny his or her own flaws, locating them instead externally -- including attributing them to their partner
public policy
-conciliation period and counseling reform -covenant marriage reform (e.g., Arizona, Lousiana, Arkansas) >limited ground for divorce (e.g., infidelity, abuse, felony) >counseling is required prior to marriage (and prior to divorce) -relationship education
seeking help for relationship difficulties
-couples are frequently unhappy for a while before they seek therapy (Doss & Christensen, 2004)
relationship functioning in same-sex: communication
-disagree about the same topics/issues (Kurdek, 2004) -conflict interactions are more positive (Gottman et al., 2003) -less likely to engage in demand-withdraw (Kurdek, 2004)
psychodynamic model
-emphasize how a person's very early experiences with a parent result in unconscious psychological processes that, in adulthood, can form the basis for misunderstanding between partners, uncontrolled negative emotions, and ineffective attempts at intimacy
companionship activities
-enjoyable or meaningful shared activities >ex: dating, recreational activities, activities with other couples -novel activities are particularly encouraged
relationship orientation: women are more likely to engage in relationship maintenance behaviors
-express love and affection -engage in sexual activity that they do not desire -initiate open and direct discussions about relationship
behavior exchange: increasing caring behaviors
-expressions of interest, respect, concern, and affection that can be offered several times each week principle -small frequent acts of caring keep good relationships alive. each caring behavior is a sign that the partner is valued and that the relationship is important and worth nurturing examples of caring behaviors -backrubs -fixing favorite snacks/meals -love notes -unexpected phone calls/emails/texts -giving compliments -bringing home a small surprise/gift -doing a chore -giving a hug -verbally express affection
divorce/dissolution: 50% of recent marriages are likely to end in divorce/dissolution
-first marriages that end in dissolution last an average of 7-8 years -college graduates are more likely to marry and less likely to get divorced
other approaches: emotion focused
-focus on the manner in which different affective exchanges can promote or inhibit intimate bonds -focus on expression of emotional (attachment) needs and restructuring interactions to help person feel loved, secure, and connected classes of emotions: -primary emotions: feelings related to security and abandonment (e.g., anxiety, fear) -secondary emotions: feelings that may suppress primary emotions (e.g., anger)
onset of distress
-gradual, no obvious starting point and thus no urgent need to seek help -as a relationship spirals downward, often a specific event will occur that can outstrip a couple's ability to cope
divorce/dissolution: most people remarry after divorce
-half of those who remarry after divorce from a first marriage do so within 3 years
projective identification
-how the partner responds to these projections -the response is pivotal to the well being of the relationship
behavioral couples therapy
-incorporates the principles of social learning theory -behavior exchange: providing practitioner with important diagnostic information regarding the extent to which partners can generate new, positive experiences in their relationship -- conveys that fixing relationships doesn't have to be painful -communication training: partners receive very practical advice on how to listen and how to talk to each other productively using softer emotions like hurt and sadness -problem-solving training: couples learn to apply their communication skills to specific problems in their relationship, following a series of guidelines
parenthood: decrease in probability of dissolution
-increase in investment
relationship functioning in same-sex: sex
-lesbian couples have less sex than other couple types (Gotta et al., 2011) -large increase in monogamy agreements and monogamy behavior in lesbian and gay couples b/w 1975 & 2000 (Gotta et al., 2011)
relationship functioning in same-sex: social support
-less likely to name family member and more likely to name friends as sources of support (Kurdek, 2004)
introjective identification
-means by which one partner takes in a modified version of himself or herself, as expressed by the partner, and assimilates this into his or her identity
health
-men derive greater health benefits from marriage -[marital quality may be more strongly associated with health for women than for men] 1. little evidence for gender differences in recent meta-analysis of marital quality and health (Robles et al., 2014)
sexuality
-men devote more attention than women to short-term mating strategies -women and men differ on frequency of sexual behavior -meta-analysis of studies from 1993-2007 (Petersen & Hyde, 2010): positive values indicate that male participants reported more sexual experience or more permissive attitudes than female participants; negative values indicate the reverse
gender similarities hypothesis (Hyde, 2005)
-meta-meta-analysis of 46 meta-analyses on psychological variables -gender differences were nonsignificant or minimal for most psychological variables
relationship functioning in same-sex: equality/egalitarianism
-more equal division of housework, finances, communication, and support (Gotta et al., 2011)
relationship problems as seen by therapists
-most common problem: communication -most damaging problem: physical abuse -most difficult problems to treat: lack of loving feelings
cognitive behavior therapy (CBT)
-most widely-studied approach -evaluated in North American, Australia, and Europe -short-term and structured treatment >focuses on rewarding and punishing properties of exchanged behaviors, communication, and associated cognitions
treating distressed relationships
-people often turn to familiar channels (a religious advisor, for example, or a family physician or attorney) and not necessarily to an agency or individual with experience in treating distressed relationships
cohabitation: cohabitation is becoming increasingly common (Copen et al., 2013)
-percent of women who cohabited with partner as a first union a. 1995: 34% b. 2006-2010: 48%
power
-power: ability to deliberately influence the behavior, thoughts, or feelings of others -most couples report power equality (i.e., egalitarian distribution), followed by male dominant, and then by female dominant 1. egalitarian distribution of power can be achieved either by joint decision making or dividing areas of responsibility equality
containment
-process by which one partner adopts and identifies with the partners view of himself or herself
common models of couples therapy
-psychodynamic -- the role of unconscious forces in how partners perceive each other's behaviors -systems -- the rules or principles that govern and restrict the exchange of behaviors -behavioral -- the rewarding and punishing properties of exchanged behaviors and their associated thoughts -emotion -- the manner in which different emotional expressions can inhibit and promote intimate bonds
marriage
-rate: 95% of men and 96% of women -median age at marriage (Copen et al., 2012) >25.8 for women; 28.3 for men
parenthood in same-sex: Wainright, Russell, & Patterson (2004)
-representative sample of adolescents parented by same-sex or opposite-sex couples -no significant differences between groups 1. personal adjustment (depression, anxiety) 2. school adjustment (academic achievement, trouble in school) 3. quality of family relationships (autonomy, care from adults and peers) 4. romantic relationships (sexual intercourse, prevalence of relationships) -adolescents' adjustment was related to quality of relationships within families
maintaining and ending same-sex relationships
-same-sex couples are more likely than heterosexual couples to break up over time -generally similar reaction to ending a relationship >more likely than heterosexuals to remain friends with former sexual partners
relationships interests/desires
-similar values/goals about relationships but men are more likely than women to have their standards fulfilled -partner preferences 1. women and men are similar in most valued characteristics 2. men place greater emphasis on physical attractiveness and women place greater emphasis on status and resources
decision-making conversations
-speak for yourself ("I" statements: "when you do X in situation Y I feel Z") -don't mind-read (ask your partner what s/he thinks, feels, wants) -focus on the future and what you can do to solve the problem -edit out unnecessarily negative statements -if either partner becomes too upset to continue, take a break (but agree on a time to return to topic) -problem definition >define problem in clear behavioral terms >break down large, complex problems into smaller problems >state why the problem is important and what your needs are -brainstorming solutions -decision making and solution selection -problem resolution >decide on a trial period that allows for several attempts of the new solution to see if it works as predicted >review and revise solution at the end of the trial period
interventions
-specific kinds of educational and therapeutic experiences individuals and couples can have that might enhance their communication, facilitate mutual understanding, and generally improve their relationships
family work
-women do the majority of the housework and child care 1. gender difference has decreased in magnitude over time 2. gender difference is smaller in magnitude when (a) women work outside the home, and (b) men hold nontraditional (i.e. egalitarian) gender attitudes 3. gender difference is greater in magnitude following transition to parenthood
relationship orientation: commitment
-women score higher than men in commitment (d= -.36; Le & Agnew, 2003)
relationship orientation: independent vs. interdependent self-construal
-women score higher than men on relational-interdependent self-construal (d= -.41, Cross & Madson, 1997)
5 C's for a good relationship
1. Commitment (to partner and to working on relationship) -relationships require effort. make time to take care of yours. 2. Caring (in planning and acting in ways that facilitate the relationship) -the high level of passion at the start of a relationship is likely to fluctuate over time -relationship partners require feelings of security -spend time together 3. Cognition -infer positive outcomes to partner's behaviors and negative outcomes to causes external to the relationship 4. Communication -self-disclose & elicit self-disclosure from partner -listen to and emphasize with your partner -turn to each other for support 5. Changeability (adaptability, flexibility)
aggression in same-sex
1. National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (Walters et al., 2013) -lifetime prevalence rates of IPV were similar to higher for LGB adults relative to heterosexual adults -lifetime prevalence rates of severe IPV were similar to higher for LGB adults relative to heterosexual adults 2. risk factors are similar to those for heterosexual adults 3. sexual minority stress is a unique risk factor for LGB individuals
cohabitation: different types of cohabiting couples (Casper & Sayer, 2000)
1. a precursor to marriage (46%) -often engaged or planning on getting engaged 2. no plans to marry (co-residential daters; 29%) 3. a trial marriage (15%) -open to marriage; evaluating whether marriage worth pursuing 4. a substitute for marriage (10%) -not planning on getting married but view relationship as permanent
enhancing relationships and preventing distress
1. clinical model: focus is on helping couples once they are in distress -tertiary prevention 2. public health model: focus is on helping couples before they are in distress -primary prevention: help couples before they have difficulties -secondary prevention: help couples before their problems become worse
cohabitation: divorce/dissolution
1. cohabitation before marriage is related to a higher likelihood of divorce and lower levels of marital satisfaction -evidence is stronger for pre-engagement (vs. pre-marital) effect (Rhoades et al., 2009) 2. complete explanation for these patterns is unknown -partially due to selection effects involving who cohabits -sliding vs. deciding (Owen et al., 2013)
other approaches: emotion focused: stages of therapy
1. de-escalation of negative cycles: partners each acknowledge that they contribute to relationship problems & that their negative interactions are contributing to insecure attachment and blocking deeper level of emotional response 2. shaping new cycles of responsiveness and accessibility: partners learn more positive ways of behaving toward each other -express vulnerabilities (e.g., hurt, pain, sadness) rather than secondary emotions 3. consolidation and integration: partners think about the changes that they have made and understand how their relationship has changed with time
forming same-sex relationships
1. fewer potential partners in general than for heterosexual individuals -results in larger between-partner differences in demographic and other characteristics 2. attraction -generally desire similar qualities in potential partners as heterosexual individuals a. men are more likely to emphasize physical attractiveness b. women are more likely to emphasize personality -romantic relationships are more likely to develop out of close friendships
divorce/dissolution: consequences
1. financial difficulties 2. mental health consequences a. (Bruce, 1998): 12 month prospective study using past history or no history of: depression, anxiety disorder, alcohol, drug use disorder, schizophrenia (people with no history showed more likeliness of consequences) 3. physical health consequences a. meta-analysis of divorce and death (Sbarra et al., 2011) -32 longitudinal studies involving more than 6.5 million people in 11 different countries -overall effect size: OR= 1.23
relationship functioning in same-sex: Kurdek (2004) longitudinal study involving 11-14 waves of data collection
1. gay and lesbian cohabiting couples compared longitudinally with partners from heterosexual married couples with children 2. mean differences on 5 domains of relationship health -for 50% of comparisons, same-sex partners did not differ from heterosexual partners >included personality, relationship styles, conflict resolution, social support -for 40% of comparisons (78% of comparisons in which couples differed), same-sex partners functioned better -for 10% of comparisons, same-sex couples functioned poorer >primary areas: social support from family and barriers to leaving 3. associations w/ relationship quality: no differences by group
parenthood: implications
1. importance of awareness and planning 2. other constructs (joy, happiness) not measured -Nelson et al. (2013): compared to nonparents, parents reported higher levels of happiness, positive emotion, and meaning in life
relationship functioning in same-sex: Kurdek (2006) cross-sectional study involving over 8,600 participants
1. in comparisons of means b/w gay or lesbian couples and heterosexual couples, 86% were significant -only 59% yielded small effect sizes; no medium or large effect sizes -in most comparisons, same-sex couples functioned better -areas in which same-sex couples scored lower: less approval by parents and more prone to separate 2. 33% of associations between variables were significantly different -all differences yielded trivial effect sizes
divorce/dissolution: personal perceptions of causes (Amato & Previti, 2003)
1. infidelity 2. incompatibility 3. drinking or substance use 4. grew apart 5. personality problems 6. communication difficulties 7. physical or mental abuse 8. love was lost
parenthood: decrease in relationship satisfaction
1. mean effect size (Twenge et al., 2003) -d= -.19, r= -.10 2. theoretical models -role conflict -restriction of freedom -sexual dissatisfaction -financial cost
cohabitation: outcome of premarital cohabitation (Copen et al., 2013)
1. median duration -1995: 13 months -2006-2010: 22 months 2. 40% transitioned to marriage by 3 years, 32% remained intact, and 27% dissolved 3. 19% of women experience a pregnancy during first year of cohabitation
relationship functioning in same-sex: social stigma
1. meta-analysis (Doyle & Molix, 2015) -35 studies, n=10,745 -weighted effect size: r= -.17 >stronger associations for passion, satisfaction, and intimacy, and weaker associations for alternatives and investments >stronger associations in South and Midwest and weaker associations in Northeast and West Coast
Frequency of same-sex individuals & relationships
A. Laumann et al. (1994): 18-59 year old participants (n=3,432) B. 2010 Census: 594,000 same-sex couple households (1% of all couple households) -attraction: men=6.2 women=4.4 -behavior (same-gender sex partner): men=4.9 women=4.1 -identity: men=2.8 women=1.4
older individuals
A. marital status 1. older men are more likely to be married than older women 2. increasing rate of cohabitation B. marital quality 1. socioemotional selectivity theory (Cartensen) -as people age, they become increasingly aware of time left to live -seek out positive interactions and avoid negative interactions 2. emotional behavior in long-term marriages (Carstensen et al., 1995): resolution of conflict was less negative and more affectionate in older couples
Importance of same-sex relationships
A. provide info about generalizability of relationship theories -etic (universal) theories -emic theories: applies only to certain groups B. inform legal and policy questions
variant of CBT for couples
Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT): behavioral interventions plus acceptance-based interventions: -empathic joining: partners come to see how they each contribute to problems, which increases empathy and reduces blaming -unified detachment: intellectual perspective that helps partners be more neutral in thinking about problems -tolerance building: learn to accept or tolerate partner characteristics that may not change: e.g., consider positive aspects of undesirable partner behavior
efficacy of couple therapy
Shadish and Baldwin's (2003) meta-analysis: -mean effect size: d= .84 -comparable to efficacy for well-validated individual therapies >CBT for depression (Gloaguen et al., 1998) >comparison w/ wait list or placebo: d= .82
well-documented gender differences
a. relationship orientation b. relationship wants/desires c. sexuality d. family work e. power and influence f. health g. violence
new developments
couple therapy for mental and physical health problems: 1. depression (Barbato & D'avanzo [2008] meta-analysis) -couple vs. individual therapy >depression severity: d= .12 >marital quality: d= .60 (.94 for discordant couples) 2. substance use disorder (Powers et al. [2008] meta-analysis) -couple vs. individual therapy -all outcome variables across time: d= .54 >frequency of use: d= .36 >consequences of use: d= .52 >relationship quality: d= .57 -outperforms individual therapy in reducing interpersonal violence, improving child adjustment, & cost-effectiveness 3. anxiety disorders -emerging evidence that couple-based treatments are beneficial in treating PTSD and OCD 4. eating disorders
prevention of relationship problems: marriage and relationship (MRE) programs
general components: -developing better communication and problem-solving skills (e.g., diminishing contempt, improving listening) -didactic information correlates of relationship quality, such as information on aligning expectations and managing finances >discussion of virtues related to relationship quality, such as commitment, sacrifice, and forgiveness meta-analysis of efficacy (Hawkins et al., 2008): -relationship quality: d= .36 post-intervention, .31 at follow-up -communication skills: d= .44 post-intervention, .45 at follow-up
identifying and modifying cognitions
identifying cognitions: -when you notice a change in mood (e.g., anger), ask yourself "what was going through my mind just then?" modifying cognitions: -what is the evidence for and against this belief? -is there an alternative explanation? -if [friend/family member] was in this situation and had this thought, what would I tell him/her?
who we are as an intimate partner
is guided by how we have been treated in important relationships in our past, particularly when we were very young
marital satisfaction
meta-analysis (Jackson et al., 2014) 1. 226 independent samples, 101,100 participants 2. cohen's d= .04 (husbands > wives) -statistically significant (p= .002) 3. effect size is significant for people in therapy (d= .22) but not in community-based samples (d= .02) 4. no significant gender difference when include only data from partners in same relationship (i.e., dyadic data)
dating relationships
meta-analysis of predictors of relationship dissolution (Le et al., 2010) -137 studies involving 37,761 participants over 33 years ~~relationship factors~~ -positive illusions -commitment -love -inclusion of other in self (self expansion) -dependence -ambivalence -trust -self disclosure -closeness -alternatives -investments -satisfaction *** all with negative correlations -- positive illusions was the highest and satisfaction was the lowest ~~individual level factors~~ -avoidant attachment -fearful attachment -anxious attachment -destiny beliefs -secure attachment -openness to experience -agreeableness -growth beliefs -self-esteem -conscientiousness -neuroticism -extraversion *** almost all with positive correlations -- avoidant attachment was the highest and extraversion was the lowest ~~external factors~~ -network support -network overlap *** both negatively correlated, network support was larger with a r of -.50
couple discussions
skills for listening to your partner: -nonverbal listening (eye contact, nodding, leaning forward) -empathy/validation >reflect your partner's thoughts and feelings skills for sharing thoughts and emotions: -state your view subjectively -express your thoughts, emotions, or feelings, not just "the facts" negative description words: sad, blue, resentful, annoyed, shaky, tense, jealous, incompetent, exhausted, wilted positive description words: lively, adventurous, affectionate, secure, cheerful, excited, inspired, ambitious, peaceful, calm
common problems in couple therapy
therapists' perspectives (Whisman et al., 1997): -communication 87% -power struggles 62% -unrealistic expectations 50% -sex 47% -decision-making/problem-solving 47% couples' perspectives (Doss et al., 2004): -communication 57% -emotional affection 57% -separation concerns 46% -improve relationship 46% -argument/anger 44%
take home messages
threats to internal validity: -look for alternative (rival) explanations >avoid confirmation bias, which is the tendency to look for evidence that confirms our beliefs and ignore what contradicts our beliefs multiple models/theories/correlates of relationship functioning: -there are many pathways to a common outcome (equfinality) >there is usually more than one explanation for why something happened >if one pathway/solution isn't working, try something else effect size: -not everything is equally important -some of the most popular ideas are not the most important >find your metric for evaluating what is important... promoting healthy relationships
