opinions of onions (please upload your own opinions)

dead meme

onion

the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

oy

liver

produces bile and i made up this thing and it is really cool i think you should look into it because it might be interesting to you but thats my opinion it may not be interesting to you so dont take my word for it actually do because i just went on a rant about the reason why you should look into this thing so do take my word for it

shrek

scary

jojo siwa

shes gonna come in the doors like a kid in a candy store wearing high top shoes like a boomerang

thinks onions have layers

shrek

Thinks onions are mediogre

shrek fan

onion onion onion is a 37-year-old senior politician who enjoys walking, photography and tennis. He is stable and creative, but can also be very lazy and a bit untidy. He is a British Christian who defines himself as gay. He has a degree in philosophy, politics and economics. He has a severe phobia of mice, and is obsessed with Donald Trump. Physically, onion is not in great shape. He needs to lose quite a lot of weight. He is short with bronze skin, blonde hair and black eyes. He has a tattoo of Donald Trump on his upper back. He grew up in an upper class neighbourhood. He was raised in a happy family home with two loving parents. He is currently in a relationship with Winston Caden Rowland. Winston is the same age as him and works as a professional sports person. onion has three children with 2 two different partners: boyfriend Winston and ex-boyfriend Dexter: Vinny aged 3, Norman aged 5 and Darby aged 16. onion's best friend is a senior politician called Rae Warner. They are inseparable. He also hangs around with Pippa Stephens and Maylee Mackay. They enjoy chess together.

sir onion the fifth

death

the cessation, or end, of life

has a dead body under his bed

thinh

skinny legend mariah carey

thinks onions are thicc

Merry Christmas

this time of the year is the most thicc

emo

twenty juan pilots r this

cursed image

yes

Has nightmares of yunions

young Isabelle swindeman

KALINA KRASNAYA

Калина красная, Калина вызрела... Я у залеточки Характер вызнала. Характер вызнала, Характер — ой какой! Я не уважила, А он пошел с другой. А он пошел с другой, А я не спорила, Так, значит, он хорош, А я не стоила?.. А я пошла с другим, Ему не верится: Он подошел ко мне Удостовериться. Удостоверился, Но не дождался слов. А я одно твержу: — Ты потерял любовь! Ты потерял любовь, Она найденная — Другому мальчику Переведенная! Ты потерял любовь, И я уверенно Другому мальчику Удостоверена!

stock image

A professional photograph, line drawing, or other graphic that is available for purchase and can be sold to multiple customers. WEB 228

thinks onions are sheer disappointments put on the face of the earth by our Lord and savior, God. Thinks they taste very good on cheeseburgers though

Asparageisha

thinks onions are cool

Avoceisha

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

BEE MOVIE

Thinks onions smell like Fat Albert

Bennett

golgi apparatus

Bennett Robert White The 23rd

Thinks onions look like spaceships

Conspiracy Theorist

Think onions will make his face swell up, but still will eat them

Food Tastes Good

Gordo Albert is very offended by this

Gordo Albert

I hear the drums echoing tonight But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation She's coming in, 12:30 flight The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation I stopped an old man along the way Hoping to find some long forgotten words or ancient melodies He turned to me as if to say, "Hurry boy, it's waiting there for you" It's gonna take a lot to take me away from you There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do I bless the rains down in Africa Gonna take some time to do the things we never had The wild dogs cry out in the night As they grow restless, longing for some solitary company I know that I must do what's right As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti I seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that I've become It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do I bless the rains down in Africa Gonna take some time to do the things we never had Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do I bless the rains down in Africa I bless the rains down in Africa (I bless the rain) I bless the rains down in Africa (I bless the rain) I bless the rains down in Africa I bless the rains down in Africa (Ah, gonna take the time) Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

I hear the drums echoing tonight But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation She's coming in, 12:30 flight The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation I stopped an old man along the way Hoping to find some long forgotten words or ancient melodies He turned to me as if to say, "Hurry boy, it's waiting there for you" It's gonna take a lot to take me away from you There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do I bless the rains down in Africa Gonna take some time to do the things we never had The wild dogs cry out in the night As they grow restless, longing for some solitary company I know that I must do what's right As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti I seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that I've become It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do I bless the rains down in Africa Gonna take some time to do the things we never had Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do I bless the rains down in Africa I bless the rains down in Africa (I bless the rain) I bless the rains down in Africa (I bless the rain) I bless the rains down in Africa I bless the rains down in Africa (Ah, gonna take the time) Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

Think onions are GROSS

I like MOSS

S H R E K T H E T H I R D

INT. MEDIEVAL TIMES THEATER - NIGHT A familiar beam of light shines down. The beam of light descends onto a stage. Lightning flashes to reveal Prince Charming riding his valiant steed Chauncey across the open plains. The wind blows back his golden mane. PRINCE CHARMING Onward Chauncey, to the highest room of the tallest tower! Where my princess awaits rescue from her handsome Prince Charming. Lightning cracks. Thunder booms. Charming straddles a wooden hobby horse and gallops in place. A stage hand uses a bellow to blow air into Prince Charming's face. Another stage hand turns a crank that creates the moving background. In the orchestra, a man uses coconuts to create the sound effects of a galloping horse. Two more stage hands back stage create the cheap sound effects of thunder and lightning. A crudely constructed castle tower sits in front of a cheaply painted backdrop. The Fairytale Creatures are sitting at a table in the audience. GINGERBREAD MAN This is worse than Love Letters! I hate dinner theatre. PINOCCHIO Me too. Pinocchio's nose grows as he is caught in the lie. Prince Charming rides to the base of the tower. PRINCE CHARMING Whoa there, Chauncey! He dismounts and sets his hobby horse on the ground. He strikes a dramatic pose. A Princess leans from a tower window. ACTRESS Hark! The brave Prince Charming approach-ith. Prince Charming puffs his chest out. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 2. PRINCE CHARMING Fear not fair maiden! I shall slay the monster that guards you and take my place as rightful King. An old couple at a table look confused. OLD LADY (to old man) What did she say? Prince Charming glares as the bored audience largely ignores him. A man in a bad ogre costume comes onto the stage. OGRE Grrrrrrr! The crowd erupts into applause. The Fairytale Creatures cheer. FAIRYTALE CREATURES (CHEERING) Woooo hoooo!!! GINGERBREAD MAN Yea! Shrek! At first, Prince Charming is put off by the cheers for the Shrek-like beast. He pulls his sword and confronts the monster. PRINCE CHARMING Prepare foul beast to enter into a world of pain with which you are not familiar! He is cut off as a waiter enters with a birthday cake. WAITER (SINGING) Happy Birthday to thee. PRINCE CHARMING Do you mind? Prince Charming hops out of the way when a chair lands on stage. It slides past him and bumps into the tower facade. GINGERBREAD MAN Do you mind? Bo-ring! Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 3. The audience laughs. Prince Charming glares at them and then tries to recover. He points his sword at the monster again. The tower facade starts to topple. PRINCE CHARMING (CLEARS THROAT) Prepare foul beast- Prince Charming looks over his shoulder and sees the facade falling. He cringes. The scenery slams against the stage, but Prince Charming is unharmed, perfectly framed in the princesses' window. The crowd laughs at the embarrassed Prince Charming. He shakes his mangled sword at the audience. PRINCE CHARMING (shaking his sword again) Someday you'll be sorry. HECKLER (O.S.) We already are! They laugh again. Prince Charming throws down his sword, picks up his hobby horse and exits. OGRE Grrrrrrr! The song and the laughter follow Prince Charming backstage. INT. BACKSTAGE DRESSING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER Prince Charming walks through a tunnel backstage that leads to a door. The door has a star with his name written on it. He opens it. EXT. MEDIEVAL TIMES RESTAURANT - CONTINUOUS Prince Charming sits at his broken vanity and sobs. His make- shift dressing room is in an alley way next to the theater. Horses whinny as a carriage passes by. The castle of Far Far Away can be seen on the hill in the background. Prince Charming breaks down and cries. He looks up and sees a picture of the Fairy Godmother taped to the vanity. "Don't stop believing! Mommy's Little Angel" is written on the picture. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 4. PRINCE CHARMING (HEAVY SOBS) Oh mommy. He weeps again and then looks back at the picture. A determined change grows across his face. PRINCE CHARMING Oh, you're right. I can't let this happen. I can't. Prince Charming looks at the castle on the hill. His expression hardens. He stands and faces the castle. He holds his chin up high. PRINCE CHARMING I am the rightful King of Far Far Away and I promise you this mother. I will restore dignity to my throne! A big gust of wind blows a newspaper page across his face. He peels it off and looks at the headline. His eyes tense and narrow. PRINCE CHARMING (CONT'D) And this time, no one will stand in my way! In the newspaper is a picture of Shrek and Fiona waving to a crowd. Prince Charming crumples up the newspaper in his fists. EXT. CASTLE - MORNING The camera booms down from the Far Far Away sign. The sun rises and the birds sing. INT. SHREK AND FIONA'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS The sun shines through the bedroom window as the camera pans over to Shrek and Fiona waking up. SHREK Good morning. FIONA Good morning. (DREAMY) Oh... morning breath... Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 5. Shrek breathes in and smiles. SHREK (DREAMY) I know. Isn't it wonderful? The bedroom doors fly open and Donkey and the Dronkeys rush in. The Dronkeys head right for Shrek and Fiona. Shrek cowers beneath the bedclothes. DONKEY (SINGING) "Good morning! Good morning!" Shrek sinks further into the blankets as the Dronkeys exuberantly lick him. Fiona is amused. Donkey starts to sing "Good Morning" from Singin' in the Rain as he enters the room. DONKEY (SINGING) "The sun is shining through! Good morning! Good morning. (coming closer and closer TO SHREK) "To you!" (TO SHREK) "And you!" (TO DRONKEY) And you! The Dronkeys fly out of the room, knocking down everything in their path. DONKEY Oh, they grow up so fast. Shrek, greatly annoyed, lifts his hand and snuffs out a little fire on the bed left behind by the Dronkeys. SHREK Not fast enough. Puss leaps onto the bed. PUSS Okay. You have a very full day filling in for the King and Queen. There are several functions that require your attendance, sir. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 6. SHREK Great! Let's get started. Shrek immediately pulls the covers up over his head and starts to snore. DONKEY C'mon, lazy bones, time to get movin'! Donkey yanks the sheets off of Fiona and Shrek. He is surprised to see Shrek's bare legs. DONKEY Aaahhh! You know you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies. Shrek sighs. CUT TO: INT. KNIGHTING CEREMONY - DAY The camera pans down from a stained glass window. The song "Royal Pain" by the Eels plays in the background as the title: "Shrek The Third" is superimposed. A large crowd has gathered to watch the knighting. Shrek walks down the aisle of the church. Shrek walks up to the knight who seems a bit nervous. Shrek takes a sword from Puss, but he doesn't have any idea what he is supposed to do with it. Shrek looks at Puss, who indicates how to knight a person with his own sword. Shrek starts to knight the knight. SHREK I knight thee... Shrek accidentally stabs the knight. SHREK He-he. Ooh. The crowd, Fiona, Puss and Donkey look on, shocked. CUT TO: Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 7. EXT. BOAT DOCKS - DAY Shrek and Fiona officiate at a boat christening for the Royal Navy. Shrek is holding a bottle of champagne. He leans on the boat, accidentally pushing it down the ramp. Shrek throws the bottle at the boat and it punches an enormous hole in the side of the hull. The boat quickly sinks. Shrek turns to find the patrons of Far Far Away shaking their heads as they leave. CUT TO: INT. DRESSING ROOM - DAY Raul, the make-up specialist, tightens some aprons around Shrek and Fiona. Donkey, Puss and Raul stand in front of them. DONKEY Well, since you're filling in for one, you might as well look like a real King. Can somebody come in here and work on Shrek please? Raul stares at Shrek. Shrek raises his eyebrow. RAUL (AHEM) I will see what I can do. He unrolls a satchel full of different gardening tools. Suddenly Shrek's arms and legs are strapped into a chair. A man stands with his back to the camera and pulls on a rip cord as if he's holding a chain saw. VROOM! VROOM! He turns around to reveal a circular sander and starts to grind away at Shrek's gruesome toenails. Shrek cringes. We see a close-up of Shrek's eye. A mascara brush comes into frame and pulls at Shrek's eyelash. Fiona gets her nose hairs plucked. FIONA Ow! Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 8. Lipstick is applied to some lips. The camera pulls back to reveal that the lips are Shrek's. A hand tries to tighten a zipper on Shrek's back. It keeps snagging on the skin until they finally rip it past and tighten up the zipper all the way. A small sock is placed onto Shrek's foot. With a shoe horn, Shrek's foot is shoved into a small shoe. POP! A collar is placed around Fiona's neck and her corset is tightened. A drill comes into frame and tightens the rivet on Shrek's belt. A mole is placed on his cheek. INT. BACKSTAGE - LATER REVEAL: Shrek and Fiona standing awkwardly in outrageous Renaissance outfits. Donkey gasps. DONKEY Oh! Puss rolls his eyes. PUSS Yeah, wow. Fiona is uncomfortable. FIONA Uh, is this really necessary? RAUL (TO SHREK) Ho, ho. Quite necessary, Fiona. SHREK I'm Shrek, you twit. RAUL Whatever. PUSS Okay peoples! This isn't a rehearsal. Let's see some hustle. DONKEY Smiles everyone, smiles! Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 9. Off-screen, the Master of Ceremonies announces the couples arriving at the party. Fiona turns to Shrek and sees he is not in a good mood. SHREK I don't know how much longer I can keep this up Fiona. FIONA I'm sorry Shrek, but can you please just try to grin and bear it? It's just until Dad gets better. Shrek lets out another frustrated sigh. FIONA Shrek? SHREK Yeah. FIONA You look handsome. SHREK Ah. Come here, you. She gives him a supportive smile. He relaxes and smiles back. Fiona puckers up her lips and Shrek leans in for a kiss, but their bulky outfits prevent it. Shrek and Fiona let out a huge breath of air. SHREK Oh, my butt is itching up a storm and I can't reach it in this monkey suit! Shrek tries to scratch his butt but to no avail. SHREK Oh. (WHISTLE) Hey you. Come here! A man holding a ruby scepter walks over to Shrek. SHREK What's your name? Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 10. FIDDLESWORTH Eh, Fiddlesworth, sir. SHREK Hoo hoo hooo. Perfect. INT. BALLROOM - CONTINUOUS The announcer introduces Shrek and Fiona. MASTER OF CEREMONIES Ladies and gentlemen, Princess Fiona and Sir Shrek! The audience claps. The curtain starts to open. Fiddlesworth is scratching away at Shrek's butt. SHREK You've done it. Oh, a little over to the left, yeah. That's great. FIONA Uh Shrek? Fiddlesworth struggles to reach Shrek's itch. The crowd looks on in horror. Fiona tries to get his attention. SHREK Ahh! All right, you got it...Oh yeah, you're on it. Oh that's it! Oh that's good! FIONA Shrek... SHREK Oh yeah! Scratch that thing! You got it. You're on it. That's great! FIONA SHREK! Shrek and Fiddlesworth finally see the crowd. They both freeze. Shrek laughs nervously. Suddenly Shrek's belt buckle snaps off and hits Donkey in the eye. He stumbles through the crowd screaming. DONKEY Ow!! My eye! My eye! Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 11. As he is stumbling, he grabs hold of a lady in the crowd. WOMAN What are you doing? The woman pushes Donkey away. He falls, knocking over a guard holding an axe on his way down. The guard drops the axe. It flies past Puss, who is in the arms of a lady. The axe knocks over a vase. The vase flies up on stage and Fiona maneuvers to catch it. In flight, water spills out of the vase which causes Fiona to fall over. Shrek's tuxedo bib slaps him in the face. The clasp holding Shrek's pants up breaks off. Shrek stands on stage with his pants around his ankles. He shuffles towards Fiona. SHREK Fiona! He trips over his pants and hits a loose wooden plank on the stage. The plank flings up and sends Fiddlesworth flying through the air where his jacket slips over a banner pole, trapping him. FIDDLESWORTH Uhhh... (WIMPER) Shrek has reached Fiona who is still lying on the floor. SHREK Are you okay? FIONA Yeah. I'm fine. Fiona's eyes suddenly widen. Fiddlesworth's jacket rips and he falls onto a waiter carrying flaming skewers. FIDDLESWORTH Ahhhh! The skewers fly through the air. Donkey stands up in frame with one eye half shut. The flaming skewers shoot by him and land in the curtains, setting them on fire. He blows one of the skewers out and takes a bite. DONKEY Oh! Shrimp! My favorite. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 12. The fire causes a Far Far Away shield to detach from a wooden ceiling beam and fall onto the stage, breaking it in half. The whole stage collapses in the middle. The buffet tables slide toward Shrek and Fiona at the other end and collide. CRASH! BANG! CUT TO BLACK: INT. SHREK AND FIONA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT The door to Fiona's room flies open. SHREK That's it! We're leaving! Shrek storms in pulling bits of buffet food off his face. FIONA Honey, please calm down... Shrek grabs the wig off of his head and throws it aside. SHREK Calm down? Who do you think we're kidding? I am an ogre! I'm not cut out for this, Fiona and I never will be. Shrek wipes off his makeup with his shirt sleeve and flings his shirt to the floor. He falls onto the bed next to Donkey. DONKEY I think that went pretty well. Shrek startles. SHREK Donkey! Shrek picks him up and throws him out the door. DONKEY Aww, come on now Shrek! Shrek slams the door shut. Shrek turns back towards the bed and sees Puss reclining on his pillow. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 13. PUSS Some people just don't understand boundaries. Shrek picks Puss up by the scruff of his neck and tosses him outside the window. He shuts it. Puss sits sadly on the ledge, giving Shrek his sad-eyes routine. Shrek draws the blinds. Shrek stomps over and falls back onto the bed. Fiona tries to calm him down. FIONA Just think... a couple more days, and we'll be back home in our vermin-filled shack, strewn with fungus, filled with the rotting stench of mud and neglect. This thought calms him. Shrek takes in a long, deep breath and exhales. He smiles. SHREK Oh, you had me at "vermin-filled." FIONA And, uh... maybe even the pitter- patter of little feet on the floor...? SHREK (LAUGHS) That's right. The swamp rats will be spawning. FIONA Uh, no... you know, what I was thinking of is a little bit bigger than a swamp rat. SHREK Donkey? FIONA No, Shrek. Um... what if - THEORETICALLY - SHREK Yeah? FIONA They were little ogre feet? Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 14. SHREK Oh. (NERVOUS LAUGH) Shocked, Shrek falls off the bed. He slowly emerges from behind the bed. SHREK Honey? Let's try and be rational about this. Have you seen a baby lately? They just eat and poop and they cry and then they cry when they poop and they poop when they cry...Now, imagine an ogre baby. They extra cry and they extra poop. FIONA Shrek. She grabs his hands and looks deeply into his eyes. FIONA Don't you ever think about having a family? Shrek takes her hand. SHREK Right now, you're my family. There is a knock on the bedroom door. The door bursts open, revealing a Royal Page. Shrek springs up. SHREK Well, somebody better be dying. CUT TO: INT. KING'S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER The camera pushes through a corridor that leads to the King's bedroom. The King is lying on his lily pad, coughing. KING HAROLD I'm dying. The King inhales and launches into a violent coughing fit. Shrek looks a bit guilty about his last admission. The Queen comes to the King's aid and he settles down. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 15. QUEEN Harold. KING HAROLD Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian. The Queen is used to these kind of non-sequiturs. QUEEN Of course darling. The King suppresses a few coughs. He turns to his daughter. KING HAROLD Fiona... FIONA Yes Daddy? KING HAROLD I know I've made many mistakes with you. FIONA It's okay. KING HAROLD But your love for Shrek has taught me so much. Fiona smiles. The King addresses Shrek. KING HAROLD My dear boy, I am proud to call you my son. SHREK And I'm proud to call you my Frog... King Dad in-law. Shrek smiles. KING HAROLD Now, there is a matter of business to attend tooo... The King starts wheezing and coughing. Eventually he stops. They think he's dead. Puss solemnly removes his hat. PUSS The Frog King is dead. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 16. Fiona starts crying. The King suddenly wakes up, coughing. DONKEY (TO PUSS) Put your hat back on, fool. KING HAROLD Shrek, please come hither. Fiona gives Shrek a look. Shrek walks over to the King. SHREK Yeah, Dad? KING HAROLD This Kingdom needs a new king. You and Fiona are next in line for the throne. SHREK Ooo. Next in line. Now you see Dad, that's why people love you. Even on your deathbed you're still making jokes. The King stares at Shrek, stone-faced. Shrek leans in closer. SHREK Oh, come on Dad...an Ogre as King? I don't think that's such a good idea. There's got to be somebody else. Anybody? KING HAROLD Aside from you there is only one remaining heir. Shrek brightens. SHREK Really!? Who is he, Dad? KING HAROLD His name is... is... is... SHREK What's his name? What's his name? KING HAROLD ...is ... Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 17. Shrek leans in closer after each "is," waiting in anticipation. The King starts to hyperventilate. FIONA Daddy! The King is dead. A fly comes out of his mouth and flies away. Puss starts to take his hat off. The fly buzzes into frame. A tongue catches it. Puss puts his hat back on. KING HAROLD (chewing the fly) His name is Arthur. SHREK Arthur? KING HAROLD (COUGH) I know you'll do what's... (EXHALING) riiiight... He succumbs. The King really is dead now. QUEEN Harold!? SHREK Dad? Dad? Dad? Donkey bows his head. DONKEY Do your thing, man. Puss takes his hat off. Fiona starts to cry and hugs Shrek. The weight of the King's request hits Shrek. He is in a state of shock. We hold a moment on the Queen, Shrek, Fiona, Puss and Donkey to let the King's passing sink in. DISSOLVE TO: Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 18. EXT. RODEO DRIVE - CONTINUOUS The streets of Far Far Away are empty. People are closing up the shops on Rodeo Drive. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. CASTLE - CONTINUOUS The knights of Far Far Away march toward the castle as the flag is lowered to half-masked. EXT. POND - LATER Close on a statue of the late King. Shrek, Fiona, the Queen, and all the Fairy-tale Creatures and Princesses have gathered for the funeral. The Queen sets an old shoe box ("Ye Olde Footlocker") on top of a lily pad and sends it floating out into the water. An overhead shot shows the box floating through the lily pads. The camera tilts up to reveal a frog choir, singing "Live and Let Die." The Princesses, Donkey, Puss and the Fairy-tale Creatures all bow their heads solemnly. Shrek puts his arm around Fiona. The funeral has ended and the crowd begins to disperse. Shrek, Fiona and the Queen stand by the pond. The Queen sadly gazes at the pond. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. A BLUFF OVERLOOKING THE CASTLE - CONTINUOUS The camera pulls back to reveal a cloaked figure, on horseback, overlooking the funeral. The figure removes his hood to reveal Prince Charming. He gives a smug smile, and rides off. CUT TO: EXT. POISONED APPLE BAR - NIGHT Prince Charming rides up to the Poison Apple Bar. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 19. INT. POISONED APPLE BAR - CONTINUOUS Smoke wafts through the screen. The camera pans down to the top of a piano where an ashtray with a lit cigarette burns and a brandy sifter is filled with coins. The camera pans over to a Singing Witch who turns around to reveal a microphone in her hand. The Singing Witch starts to sing "I've Never Been To Me" by Nancy Wilson. The bar is filled with various Fairy-tale Villains. Two pirates sit forlornly with their mugs. The Puppet Master takes a drink out of a beer mug. He is surrounded by a bunch of empty beer mugs. Prince Charming enters the bar. A group is gathered around Cyclops riding a medieval mechanical bull, hooting and hollering. The bull stops and the Villains turn to look at Prince Charming. Prince Charming hangs his cape on a tree branch. The camera adjusts right to reveal the branch is actually one of the Evil Trees, who flings the cape to the floor. Everyone takes notice as Prince Charming walks through. Little Red Riding Hood is sitting on a pile of books at a table. Evil Dwarves glare in Prince Charming's direction. Prince Charming walks by a pair of witches (one is the Evil Queen from Snow White) playing pool. The Evil Queen scratches when she sees him and the pool ball goes flying into the Headless Horseman's neck. Prince Charming walks by the singing witch. He reaches the bar, pulls out a handkerchief, places it over the bar stool, and sits. Prince Charming spots the bartender with her back to him. He clears his throat. PRINCE CHARMING What does a Prince have to do to get a drink around here? Mabel, the other ugly stepsister, rises up in front a poster with a smiling beer wench. PRINCE CHARMING Ah Mabel, why they call you an ugly stepsister I'll never know. He winks at her. She glares at him. PRINCE CHARMING Where's Doris, taking the night off? Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 20. MABEL She's not welcome here and neither are you. She spits into the mug and wipes it with a towel. MABEL (CONT'D) What do you want, Charming? PRINCE CHARMING Oh not much, just a chance at redemption... (LAUGHS) And a Fuzzy Navel. Prince Charming stands up and turns to the bar patrons. PRINCE CHARMING And Fuzzy Navels for all my friends! Captain Hook rips his hook across the piano keys. The singing witch bares her teeth. The witches break their pool cues. The Puppet Master breaks his beer mug. CAPTAIN HOOK We're not your friends. Prince Charming grows nervous. The Villains all approach Prince Charming. From behind the bar, Mabel grabs Prince Charming by his shoulders and pins him on top of the bar. PRINCE CHARMING Ahh! Captain Hook places his hook against Prince Charming's neck. CAPTAIN HOOK You don't belong here. PRINCE CHARMING You're right; oh, I mean you're absolutely right, but I mean, do any of us? CYCLOPS Do a number on his face! Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 21. PRINCE CHARMING No, no, wait, wait, wait! We are more alike than you think. Prince Charming turns to the Evil Queen. PRINCE CHARMING Wicked Witch. The Seven Dwarves saved Snow White and then what happened? EVIL QUEEN Oh, what's it to you? PRINCE CHARMING They left you the un-fairest of them all. And now here you are, hustling pool to get your next meal. How does that feel? EVIL QUEEN Pretty unfair. Prince Charming begins to work the crowd. PRINCE CHARMING And you? Your star puppet abandons the show to go and find his father. PUPPET MASTER I hate that little wooden puppet. Prince Charming turns to Captain Hook. PRINCE CHARMING And Hook... Prince Charming looks down at the hook. PRINCE CHARMING (CONT'D) ... Need I say more? Captain Hook backs off, feeling insecure about his appendage. PRINCE CHARMING And you! Frumpypigskin. RUMPLESTILTSKIN Rumplestiltskin. PRINCE CHARMING Where's that first-born you were promised, hey? Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 22. Rumplestiltskin caresses a pacifier tattoo on his forearm. Prince Charming gains more confidence as he confronts Mabel. PRINCE CHARMING Mabel, remember how you couldn't get your little fat foot into that tiny glass slipper? Mabel sighs. PRINCE CHARMING Cinderella is in Far Far Away right now, eating Bon Bons, cavorting with every little last Fairy-tale Creature that has ever done you wrong. Prince Charming now has everyone's attention. PRINCE CHARMING Once upon a time, someone decided that we were the losers. But there are two sides to every story. And our side has not been told. The crowd listens, rapt. PRINCE CHARMING So who will join me? Who wants to come out on top for once? Who wants their happily ever after?! The crowd of villains cheer and starts getting rowdy. A bar room brawl ensues. Prince Charming looks on, shocked. He ducks out of the way of a flying liquor bottle. He smiles nervously and lifts his fruity, Fuzzy Navel to drink. CUT TO: EXT. DOCKS - DUSK The camera booms down from the lighthouse. BLIND MOUSE #1 This way gents. The blind mice stumble and fall trying to get down the steps to the dock. The Fairy-tale Creatures and Dragon have gathered to wish Shrek, Puss and Donkey a bon voyage as they set off to retrieve Arthur. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 23. On the docks, two Dronkeys chase a seagull as the camera pans over to Puss who breaks free of the embrace of a lady cat. PUSS It's out of my hands senorita, the winds of fate have blown on my destiny. But I will never forget you. You are the love of my life. Off-screen, a cat meows and walks towards Puss. PUSS (CONT'D) As are you... Camera pulls out to reveal more and more cats approaching Puss. PUSS (CONT'D) And you. Puss starts walking away as two of the cats begin to engage in a cat fight. They are hissing at each other as Puss backs away from them and into another. PUSS (CONT'D) And, uh... hi. I don't know you, but I'd like to. I gotta go. Puss runs out of frame. Cut to Dragon, who is talking to Donkey. Puss runs past them in the background. Dragon lets out a soft wail. DONKEY I know, I know... I don't want to leave you either baby, but you know how Shrek is. The dude's lost without me. She gives him an understanding smile. DONKEY But don't worry. I'll send you airmail kisses everyday! He blows her a kiss and she catches it. He looks down at his children, holding back tears. DONKEY Alright, be strong babies! Be strong. Now, Coco, Peanut, you listen to Mama, alright? And Bananas, no more roastin' marshmallows on your sister's head. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 24. Bananas lets out a fiery sneeze. DONKEY Ah, that's my special boy. Oh, come over here, all of you. Give your Daddy a big hug! The baby Dronkeys fly around their Daddy. The Dronkey that Fiona is holding flies off to join Donkey and the others. Fiona nervously takes in a breath. FIONA Shrek, maybe you should just stay and be King. SHREK Oh, c'mon, there's no way I could ever run a kingdom. That's why your cousin Arthur's the perfect choice. FIONA It's not that. No. It's, you see... SHREK (CONT'D) And if he gives me any trouble, I've always got persuasion and reason. (holds up his right fist) Here's persuasion, (holds up his left fist) and here's reason. Shrek chuckles. Fiona gives him a look. Shrek reassures her. SHREK Fiona, soon it's just gonna be you and me and our swamp. FIONA (HESITANT) It's not going to be just you and me. The ship's fog horn sounds. SHIP CAPTAIN All aboard! Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 25. SHREK It will be. I promise. I love you. He kisses her and joins Puss and Donkey on the boat. He title proudly reads: H.R.M CRUSHING RESPONSIBILITY II The boat sets sail. The Dronkeys spell out "We Love You Daddy" with smoke in the sky. FAIRYTALE CREATURES Awwwwwwwww! PIG #1 That's lovely. Donkey waves to his kids, sobs. DONKEY Bye bye babies! Fiona runs after the boat. FIONA Shrek! Shrek leans against the rail, calling out to her. SHREK Yeah? FIONA Wait! SHREK What is it? She smiles and takes a deep breath. FIONA I'm, I'm- The Ship Captain blows a fog horn and cuts her off. Shrek smiles back at her. SHREK (LAUGHS) I love you too honey! FIONA No... No, I said I'm pr- Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 26. The Ship Captain starts to blow again. Shrek grabs the horn and throws it overboard. SHREK You're what?! FIONA I said I'm pregnant! The Fairy-tale Creatures behind Fiona cheer. SHREK (doesn't want to believe HIS EARS) Uh... what was that? FIONA You're going to be a father! SHREK (NERVOUS LAUGH) That's great. FIONA Really? I'm glad you think so! I love you. Shrek smiles back at Fiona. SHREK Yeah... (NERVOUS LAUGH) Me too... you... Fiona smiles as the Queen places a hand on her shoulder. Overjoyed at the news, Donkey pops up onto the railing. DONKEY I'm gonna be an Uncle. I'm gonna be an Uncle! I'm gonna be an Uncle! PUSS Oh, and you my friend are royally-- The fog horn blasts again as the boat disappears into the fog. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 27. EXT. BOAT CABIN - NIGHT The boat travels along in the open sea. Shrek is fast asleep as the boat travels through an estuary and beaches itself. Shrek wakes up. He opens the cabin door. SHREK Ahhh. Home. He smiles to himself. The boat has beached itself right outside of Shrek's swamp house. He leaps off the boat. SHREK Woohoo! EXT. SWAMP HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shrek takes a deep breath of swamp air. SHREK Ahh. He skips and dances happily toward his house. FIONA (O.S.) Shrek!? SHREK Ooo. (LAUGHS) INT. SWAMP HOUSE - CONTINUOUS He sashays through the front door with his eyes closed, presenting himself. SHREK Fiona! After a moment of silence, he opens his eyes, realizing that Fiona is not there. SHREK Fiona? He looks around the room, puzzled. The door slams closed behind him. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 28. A baby carriage rolls slowly into frame behind him. He turns slowly and sees the baby carriage covered with a blanket. Shrek removes the blanket, revealing a baby ogre, smiling innocently at him. SHREK Huh? Oh no. The baby burps. SHREK (AMUSED) Better out than in, I always say. Ha ha! OGRE BABY Hiccup! This time the baby's burp turns into projectile vomit aimed directly at Shrek. Shrek puts his hand up to block the vomit, but to no avail. The baby continues to vomit, but eventually stops after completely soiling himself and Shrek. The baby looks like it's about to cry. Shrek raises his hands. SHREK No, no, no, no, no, no. Ha, ha. It's okay. It's gonna be alright. Shrek picks the baby up, smiling at it cautiously. He holds it awkwardly for a few seconds, then looks up and realizes that his house is filled with babies. OGRE BABY Da-Da! Babies roll around his living room, tearing the fabric off his chair. The chair reclines, catapulting one of the babies onto Shrek's head. A standing lamp with a baby on top falls, and Shrek dives to catch him. Another baby is pulling the tablecloth, causing lethal knives to fly straight at him. Shrek snatches the baby away just before he is impaled. One of the babies strikes a match near the fireplace. Shrek runs over, picks up the baby and blows out the match. He takes a baby out of the cauldron. SHREK Hey! Hey, hey, wait! Would ya? No, no. Stop! Hey, hey, hey. No. Shrek panics. A baby is knocking glass jars off the shelf. Shrek catches him before he crawls off of it. Shrek runs through the room picking up babies. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 29. INT. SHREK'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS After he has collected as many babies as he can, Shrek slides open the curtain to his bedroom. SHREK Huh? He sees a baby sitting in his bed, smiling up at him. The baby shrugs. OGRE BABY Bubabatoo? Suddenly, Shrek hears a loud rumble. He turns around. Babies start pouring out of the window and the fireplace. First there is one, then two, then thirty more follow. Hundreds of them start piling in. Shrek makes a run for the doorway, but no matter how hard he runs, the doorway keeps getting farther and farther away! He keeps trying, hundreds of babies trailing behind. INT. GRADUATION STAGE - CONTINUOUS Finally, Shrek reaches the door and opens it. He slams it shut behind him and closes his eyes. Everything is quiet. He opens his eyes and finds himself on stage in front of his high school. Shrek looks up to find a graduation cap on his head. The audience is full of ogre babies laughing at him. The camera pulls back to reveal Shrek standing at the podium, naked. CUT TO: EXT. BOAT DECK - DAWN, CONTINUOUS Shrek's eyes pop open, he sits upright and tries to compose himself. SHREK Ahhhh! Oh, Donkey! Donkey, wake- up! Donkey and Puss turn around, but they both have baby-ogre faces! Donkey makes a baby noise. As the camera zooms in, Donkey's eyes glow red and his teeth become sharp and pointy. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 30. DONKEY (with ogre baby head) Da-da! A fog horn blows. Shrek bolts upright again. Donkey and Puss wake up. SHREK Ahhhh! He breaths heavily, trying to compose himself. DONKEY Shrek. Shrek, are you okay? SHREK Oh... I can't believe I'm going to be a father. Donkey and Puss look at each other. He gets up and walks to the ship's railing. SHREK How did this happen? PUSS Allow me to explain. You see, when a man has certain feelings for a woman, a powerful urge sweeps over him... SHREK I know how it happened. I just can't believe it. Shrek walks away. Donkey leans over to Puss. DONKEY How does it happen? Puss rolls his eyes at Donkey. CUT TO: Donkey sees Shrek at the back of the boat staring out at the distant horizon. He walks up next to his friend. DONKEY (SINGING) And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, (MORE) Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 31. DONKEY (CONT'D) Little boy blue and the man in the moon. Shrek rolls his eyes. DONKEY (CONT'D) "When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when, But we'll get together then, Dad-" Shrek cuts Donkey off. SHREK Donkey, can you just cut to the part where you're supposed to make me feel better? Shrek slumps against the rail. Puss hops up on the railing and whispers into Shrek's other ear. PUSS You know I love Fiona, Boss. Right? (CONFIDENTIALLY) But what I'm talking about here is you, me, my cousin's boat, an ice- cold pitcher of mojitos, and two weeks of nothing but fishing. Puss makes a "let's go fishing" gesture by casting an imaginary rod into the ocean. Donkey is right there to whisper in Shrek's other ear. DONKEY Man, don't you listen to him. Having a baby is not going to ruin your life. SHREK It's not my life I'm worried about ruining. It's the kid's. Donkey and Puss pause as Shrek rants. SHREK I mean...when have you ever heard the phrase "as sweet as an...ogre" or "as nurturing as...an ogre" Or how `bout..."you're gonna' love my dad...he's a real ogre." Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 32. DONKEY Okay, okay I get it! Nobody said it was going to be easy. But at least you got us to help you out. SHREK That's true. He thinks for a moment. SHREK I'm doomed. DONKEY You'll be fine. SHIP CAPTAIN You're finished. Everyone turns to look at the Captain who clears his throat. SHIP CAPTAIN Uh, with your journey. He points to shore. A majestic castle stands proudly on a nearby bluff. CUT TO: EXT. WORCESTERSHIRE ACADEMY - DAY Shrek, Puss and Donkey stand at the entrance to the castle. Donkey reads the sign hanging over the entrance. DONKEY Wor-ces-ter-shireee. Now that sounds fancy. SHREK It's Worcestershire. DONKEY Like the sauce!? Mmmm... It's spicy! The drawbridge to the castle lowers. DONKEY Oohh! They must be expecting us. They start over the drawbridge. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 33. A horse whinnies behind them. Shrek, Donkey, and Puss jump out of the way as a medieval school bus storms by. The kids on the back of the bus scream when they see Shrek. DONKEY What in the shista-shire kind of place is this? Shrek suddenly looks concerned. SHREK Well, my stomach aches and my palms just got sweaty. Must be a high school. DONKEY High school?! EXT. SCHOOL GROUNDS - CONTINUOUS A group of cheerleaders practice. CHEERLEADERS Ready?! Okay! Where for art thou headed, to the top? Yeah we think so, we think so! And dost thou thinkest thine can be stopped? Nay we thinks not! We thinks not! Shrek rolls his eyes and continues on, terrifying students as he walks through the courtyard. FEMALE STUDENT #1 Ahhhhh! The kid runs away quickly into the student parking lot where a bunch of different style horse-drawn carriages are parked. A carriage passes in front of Shrek that reads: "Caution - Student Driver." DRIVERS ED INSTRUCTOR All right Mr. Percival, just ease up on the reigns- The carriage jolts forward and crashes off-screen. Two stoner kids emerge from a medieval-style "VW" carriage. VAN STUDENT (cough, cough) For lo bro, don't burn all my frankincense and myrrh. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 34. DONKEY I'm already starting to feel nauseous from memories of wedgies and swirlies! PUSS But how did you receive the wedgies when you are clearly not the wearer of the underpants? DONKEY Let's just say some things are better left unsaid and leave it at that. He notices two female students discussing their love lives. GUINEVERRE So then I was all like "I'd rather get the black plague and lock myself in an iron maiden than go out with you." TIFFANY Eh, totally. Shrek approaches them. SHREK Pardon me... They flee in terror. GUINEVERRE Eh! Totally ew-th! TIFFANY Yeah, totally! A pair of dorky kids play a medieval, role-playing board game. GARY Yes! I just altered my character level to plus three superbability. SHREK Hi, we're looking for someone named- GARY Gee, who rolled a plus nine "dork" spell and summoned the beast and his quadrupeds. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 35. XAVIER Ha! Ha! (SNORT) Ah! The students panics when his nose starts to bleed. SHREK I know you're busy "not fitting in" but can either of you tell me where I can find Arthur? While Xavier tries to control the bleeding, Gary points towards the athletic field. GARY He's over there. CUT TO: EXT. JOUSTING RANGE - CONTINUOUS In the distance, Shrek spots A BOLD KNIGHT atop his steed. He looks very impressive as he rears up ready to charge. Shrek, Donkey and Puss arrive to see the beginning of the charge. It's an exciting back and forth. Hooves pound on sand. The Knight's eyes steady. The horse rears majestically. The opponent's eyes widen in fear. The lance hits, and the opponent flies through the air and lands in front of Shrek, Puss and Donkey. Shrek looks back at the victorious Knight. He removes his helmet revealing a strong handsome face. The Knight enjoys his victory. KNIGHT (LANCELOT) Ha ha! There is no sweeter taste on thy tongue than victory! JOCKS Oy! Right! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Shrek turns to Puss. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 36. SHREK Strong, handsome, face of a leader. Does Arthur look like a King or what? Shrek steps forward. TEENAGER (ARTIE) Ow. Shrek looks down, his foot planted square in the chest of LANCELOT's opponent. Shrek steps back. SHREK Oh. Sorry. The kid doesn't budge, his arms and legs still sprawled out where he hit the ground. TEENAGER (ARTIE) Did you just say you were looking for Arthur? Shrek, Puss and Donkey turn back around. PUSS That information is on a need to know basis. DONKEY It's top secret, hushity hush. CUT TO: EXT. JOUSTING RANGE - KNIGHTS AREA The Knight commands his troops. KNIGHT (LANCELOT) Now gentlemen let's away... to the showers! JOCKS Oy! Right! Ooo! Ooo! Shrek approaches the Knight. The Knight's horse rears up and he falls off. The horse gallops off. The Knight looks up at Shrek in fear. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 37. SHREK (CONT'D) Greetings your majesty. This is your lucky day. KNIGHT (LANCELOT) So what for like are you supposed to be? Some kind of giant mutant leprechaun or something? SHREK Oh, ho, ho, ho. Giant mutant leprechaun... You made a funny. Shrek scoops up the Knight, tosses him over his shoulder, ogre-style. KNIGHT (LANCELOT) Unhand me, monster! SHREK Stop squirming, Arthur. KNIGHT (LANCELOT) I'm not Arthur! Shrek stops and holds Lancelot above his head. Lancelot tries to regain his dignity. LANCELOT I am Lancelot. Lancelot points across the school yard. LANCELOT That dork over there is Arthur! He points to the TEENAGE ARTHUR, skulking away across the school yard. SHREK Hey! Artie turns his head briefly, but keeps on walking. Shrek sighs and dumps Lancelot to the ground. LANCELOT Aaah. Shrek storms off towards the school. Puss and Donkey catch up. One of the female students steps in front of Shrek. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 38. GUINEVERRE Ahem! This is like totally embarrassing, but my friend Tiffany thinkest thou vex her so soothly... The other girls giggle. GUINEVERRE And she thought perchance thou would wanna ask her to the Homecoming Dance or something... SHREK Uh, excuse me? GUINEVERRE It's like whatever. She's just totally into college guys and mythical creatures and stuff. She pops her gum. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - LATER Shrek and Puss search the hallways, looking for Artie. SHREK Oh Arthur! Come out, come out wherever you are... Off-screen we hear mumbling from inside a locker. Shrek and Puss look as Donkey pushes the locker door open. He has been stuffed inside. Off-screen we hear some students laughing. DONKEY Yeah, you better run, you little punk no good-niks, `cause the days of "Little Donkey Dumpy Drawers" are over! An "I Suck-eth" sign has been taped Donkey's butt. Shrek spots students entering the Gymnasium. They approach a HALL MONITOR who stops them. HALL MONITOR Hold it... Two mascot costumed students walk up to the hall monitor. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 39. COSTUME STUDENT 1 We're here for the Mascot Contest. COSTUME STUDENT 2 Grrrrr! The Hall Monitor waves them in. Shrek gets an idea. SHREK (pleased with himself) We're here for the Mascot Contest too. The Hall Monitor reaches out and starts painfully pinching and pulling Shrek's skin. Shrek tries to hide the pain. HALL MONITOR (SUSPICIOUS) This is a costume? SHREK (RECOVERING) Aaaiyyyy... worked on it all night long! The Hall Monitor lets his face snap back into place. Shrek struggles not to scream in agony. Hall Monitor is still suspicious. HALL MONITOR Looks pretty real to me. PUSS If it were real could I do this? Puss's claws snap out one at a time like jack-knives and then Puss jabs all the claws deep into Shrek's butt. DONKEY Or this? Donkey kicks Shrek hard in the groin with his hind legs. Shrek winces and sweats. SHREK (UNBELIEVABLY STRAINED) He's right! If it were real that would have been agonizingly painful! DONKEY Now watch this.... Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 40. SHREK (INTERRUPTING; THROUGH GRITTED TEETH) That's quite enough boys. INT. GYMNASIUM - CONTINUOUS Principal Pynchley presides over an assembly for the entire student body. He speaks through a megaphone. PRINCIPAL PYNCHLEY Thank you to Professor Primbottom for his invigorating lecture on how to just say "nay". Two students are standing next to Pynchley. One is dressed up like a dragon and the other as a griffin. PRINCIPAL PYNCHLEY And now, without further ado, let's give a warm Worcestershire-hoozah to the winner of our "New Mascot" contest... the-- Shrek bursts through the double-doors of the gym. PRINCIPAL PYNCHLEY (CONT'D) --ogre? The students gasp as Shrek marches forward. SHREK That's right. I'm the new mascot. So let's really try and beat the other guys... at whatever it is they're doing. The band plays Smashmouth's "Rock Star." PRINCIPAL PYNCHLEY This is indeed all a bit unorthodox. Without breaking stride, Shrek grabs Principal Pynchley's megaphone. SHREK Now, where can I find Arthur Pendragon? Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 41. The students all point... to the basketball hoop, where Artie hangs helplessly. Shrek, Donkey and Puss turn and look up and see the freshly wedgied student. The students laugh. In the front row, Lancelot bumps fists with Bohort. LANCELOT Classic. Donkey turns to Lancelot. DONKEY You should be ashamed of yourself. LANCELOT I didn't do it. They did. Lance points to the D&D nerds. They are beside themselves with nasal laughter. Nosebleed boy starts bleeding again. Shrek reaches up and pulls Artie down to eye level. ARTIE Please don't eat me. STUDENTS (CHANTING) Eat him! Eat him! Even Principal Pynchley gets caught up in the excitement. PRINCIPAL PYNCHLEY Eat him! Shrek yanks on Artie and pulls him off the hoop. SHREK I'm not here to eat him. STUDENTS AWWW. SHREK It's time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies. You're the new King of Far Far Away. ARTIE What? The students react with surprise and disbelief. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 42. LANCELOT Artie a King? More like the Mayor of Loserville. BOHORT Nice one Lance! They high five. The tuba player plays a Wha-wha-wha. LANCELOT Burn. Everyone laughs. ARTIE Is this for real? SHREK Absolutely. Now clean out your locker, kid. You've got a kingdom to run. ARTIE So wait, I'm really the only heir? Shrek pauses for just a moment, then... SHREK The one and only. ARTIE Give me just a second. Artie turns back to the crowd and delivers a heartfelt speech. ARTIE My good people, I think there's a lesson here for all of us. Maybe the next time you're about to dunk a kid's head in a chamber pot, you'll stop and think, hey, maybe this guy has feelings. Maybe I should cut him some slack. Because maybe, just maybe... this guy's gonna turn out to be, uh...I dunno...a King! And maybe his first royal decree will be to banish everyone who ever picked on him -- that's right, I'm looking at you, jousting team. Artie points and Lancelot and his buddies look horrified. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 43. ARTIE And Gwen... oh Gwen. I've always loved you. GUINEVERRE Ew. ARTIE Well good friends, it breaks my heart, but, enjoy your stay here in prison while I rule the free world baby! SHREK Alright, let's not overdo it. ARTIE I'm building my city people! On Rock and Roll! SHREK You just overdid it. Shrek shoves the kid through the door. ARTIE Ow! Shrek, Donkey, and Puss exit the gymnasium. CUT TO: INT. LIBRARY - DAY All the Princesses and Fairy-tale Creatures have gathered for Fiona's baby shower. A group of birds gently place a flowered wreath on Fiona's head. The Princesses all gaze at her. PRINCESSES (GASP) Oh! SNOW WHITE Look at you! RAPUNZEL Wow! SNOW WHITE You look darling! Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 44. SLEEPING BEAUTY Just precious! Look at her! RAPUNZEL So, have you had any cravings since you've been pregnant? Fiona stands at the buffet table, stuffing her face with cakes, pies, and anything else she can get her hands on. FIONA (MOUTH FULL) No, no, not at all. She takes another bite. FIONA Do you smell ham? SNOW WHITE (SINGING) Oooh! It's present time! The birds and forest creatures all flock to Snow White. They chirp and hoot happily. Snow White looks annoyed. CINDERELLA Oh, Fiona, won't you please open mine first? It's the one in front. Fiona reads the card. FIONA (READING) "Congratulations on your new mess maker..." Oh, `mess maker.' (LAUGHS) "Hopefully this helps. Love, Cinderella." Fiona opens it and pulls out a plastic baggy and pooper- scooper. PRINCESSES Oooo! Aaaah! DORIS Will you look at that! SLEEPING BEAUTY What is it? Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 45. CINDERELLA It's for the poopies. SLEEPING BEAUTY Eww. Wait, babies poop? RAPUNZEL Everyone poops Beauty. The Fairy-tale Creatures get excited. PIG #2 Fiona... PIG #1 Fiona! We all chipped in for a little present too. PIGS Yah! Pinocchio spins around, revealing a "Baby-Bjorn" with Gingerbread Man inside. GINGERBREAD MAN/PINOCCHIO Ta dah! PRINCESSES Oooh. GINGERBREAD MAN You know the baby's gonna love it because I do! FIONA Oh, you guys, that's so sweet. Thank you. Fiona turns to another present. FIONA Who's this one from? SNOW WHITE I got you the biggest one because I love you the most. The other girls scowl at her. FIONA (reading the card) "Have one on me, love Snow White" Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 46. Fiona pulls the string, opening the box to reveal a dwarf. FIONA (CONFUSED) Umm... what is it? SNOW WHITE Ha, haaa! He's a live-in baby- sitter. NANNY DWARF Where's the baby? FIONA You're too kind, Snow, but I can't accept this. SNOW WHITE Think nothing of it. I've got six more at home. FIONA What does he do? CINDERELLA The cleaning. SNOW WHITE The feeding. NANNY DWARF The burping. FIONA So what are Shrek and I supposed to do? RAPUNZEL Well, now you'll have plenty of time to work on your marriage. FIONA Gee thanks Rapunzel, and what's that supposed to mean? RAPUNZEL Oh, come on now, Fiona. You know what happens. Cinderella prods beauty. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 47. SLEEPING BEAUTY (WAKING) Huh? You're tired all the time... SNOW WHITE You'll start letting yourself go... GINGERBREAD MAN Stretch marks! RAPUNZEL Say goodbye to romance. Dragon puts her head through the window. DRAGON Yort. FIONA Um sorry... but how many of you have kids? Doris wedges herself in on the couch. DORIS She's right. A baby is only gonna strengthen the love that Shrek and Fiona have. How did Shrek react when you told him? Tell me! Fiona smiles. FIONA Well, when he first found out...Shrek said- DRAGON Roarrr! CUT TO: EXT. SKY ABOVE FAR FAR AWAY - DAY The Fairy-tale Villains are heading into town on flying broomsticks. The Evil Trees are hanging underneath some of the large broomsticks. Prince Charming is riding side saddle with one of the witches. PRINCE CHARMING (CONT'D) (LAUGHING) Onward my new friends. (MORE) Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 48. PRINCE CHARMING (CONT'D) To our happily ever afters! Ha ha ha ha ha! A bug flies into his mouth. PRINCE CHARMING Gaa! Gulp! Ahhhh! Prince Charming takes the bug out of his mouth. PRINCE CHARMING Now, bombs away! From the sky, Prince Charming, Cyclops and the Evil Witches swoop down in "winged" formation on the broomsticks. The Evil Trees are dropped like bombs. They pull their branches (i.e. rip cord) to activate their plumage as parachutes. Prince Charming and his army dive bomb towards Rodeo Drive. EXT. RODEO DRIVE - CONTINUOUS A POV shot of an Evil Witch flying over Rodeo Drive. People are diving out of her way. The Evil Trees land, surrounding the shoppers, who flee in terror. EVIL TREES Ha ha ha ha ha ha! A shadow falls over the child, and he looks up to reveal Captain Hook and the Headless Horseman on horseback. CAPTAIN HOOK Well, well, well. If it isn't Peter Pan. MOTHER His name's not Peter! CAPTAIN HOOK Shut it, Wendy! MOTHER Ahhh! Evil dwarves chase patrons from the "Ye Olde Booteria" shop. They replace a few letters on a store window and turn it into "Ye Olde HOOTERS." The excited patrons race back in. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 49. An Evil Knight scares the patrons of Farbucks away and then takes a seat to drink the unfinished coffee. Another Villain throws a cart through a store window. Cyclops rips the stamps off some envelopes, puts the envelopes back in the mailbox and laughs. CYCLOPS Ha, ha, ha, ha! The camera pans up to Prince Charming on the broomstick flying down Rodeo Drive. PRINCE CHARMING Enough pillaging! To the castle! Prince Charming, on the broom, leads the Fairy-tale Villains up to the castle. CUT TO: EXT. CASTLE - CONTINUOUS The Evil Witches surround the castle. Dragon takes down one of the witches flying by, but more Evil Witches circle her. Fiona runs to the window. The Evil Witches drop a metal net over Dragon. She struggles. DRAGON Roarrrr! CUT TO: INT. LIBRARY - CONTINUOUS BANG! The Fairy-tale Creatures run to barricade the door. The Three Pigs and Pinocchio push a dresser and other furniture in front of the door. The Fairy-tale Creatures are fortifying the room. They brace themselves against the furniture. GINGERBREAD MAN (TO FIONA) You go and take care of the baby! The Princesses panic. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 50. SNOW WHITE Everybody stay calm. We're all going to die! Doris slaps Snow White to calm her down. SNOW WHITE (WHIMPER) Fiona rushes to the fireplace and pushes it to one side, revealing an underground passageway. FIONA Everyone in! Now. INT. OUTSIDE LIBRARY DOOR - CONTINUOUS Prince Charming commands the Villains. PRINCE CHARMING C'mon. Put some back into it people! The Villains use an Evil Tree as a battering ram. Cyclops rides the tree like a mechanical bull. CYCLOPS Yee-haw! Ow. INT. LIBRARY - CONTINUOUS BOOM! The door is starting to give way. FIONA We don't have time. Now go! QUEEN Quickly ladies! The Princesses go down the stairs. GINGERBREAD MAN We'll hold them off as long as we can! BOOM! There is a loud explosion and the door blows open. Prince Charming and the Fairy-tale Villains enter. He spots the Fairy-tale Creatures having a tea party. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 51. PRINCE CHARMING Where are Shrek and Fiona? GINGERBREAD MAN Name doesn't ring a bell. PIG #1 Yah! PIG #2 No bell! The Fairy-tale Creatures go back to drinking their tea. PRINCE CHARMING I suggest you freaks cooperate with the new King of Far Far Away. GINGERBREAD MAN The only thing you're ever gonna be King of is "King of the Stupids." Prince Charming snaps his fingers. PRINCE CHARMING Hook! CAPTAIN HOOK Right! Captain Hook approaches Gingerbread Man. CAPTAIN HOOK Avast, ye cookie! He raises his hook under Gingerbread Man's chin. CAPTAIN HOOK Start talkin'! Gingerbread Man tries to hold strong, but passes out. A montage of Gingerbread Man's life flashes before his eyes. INT. BAKERY - DAY A baker pulls some gingerbread cookies out of the oven. He puts on the gum drop buttons and Gingerbread Man is born. MUFFIN MAN Gingy! Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 52. GINGERBREAD MAN Papa! INT. GINGERBREAD CLASSROOM - DAY Gingerbread Man is attending school. TEACHER Settle down, now. Gingerbread Man graduates. EXT. ROAD TRIP - DAY Gingerbread Man is driving in his car with the top down. INT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT Gingerbread Man is making out with his girlfriend at a movie. EXT. CHURCH - DAY Gingerbread Man and his bride run down the aisle as man and wife. INT. FARQUAAD'S CASTLE - DAY Gingerbread Man is locked in a jail. Farquaad pulls off his legs. INT. GYM - DAY Gingerbread Man is running on a treadmill, doing his rehabilitation. EXT. WHEAT FIELD - DAY Gingerbread Man is running through a wheat field. CUT BACK TO: INT. LIBRARY - CONTINUOUS Gingerbread Man is still in a dream state singing. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 53. GINGERBREAD MAN (SINGING) "On the Good Ship Lollypop, It's a sweet trip, To the candy shop, Where the Bon Bons play, On the sunny beach of Peppermint Bay.." Prince Charming becomes frustrated, he turns Pinocchio's head towards him. PRINCE CHARMING You! You can't lie. So tell me puppet... Where is Shrek?! Pinocchio thinks. PINOCCHIO (NERVOUS) Well, I don't know where he's not. Prince Charming gets in Pinocchio's face. PRINCE CHARMING You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is? Pinocchio is still a little nervous. PINOCCHIO It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that is or isn't almost partially incorrect. Pinocchio thinks he has the upper hand. PRINCE CHARMING So you do know where he is! PINOCCHIO On the contrary, I'm possibly more or less, not definitely rejecting the idea, that in no way, with any amount of uncertainty that... PRINCE CHARMING Stop it. PINOCCHIO (CONT'D) ...I undeniably do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 54. Captain Hook scratches his head, even the Three Little Pigs are frustrated. PINOCCHIO If that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Even if he wasn't not where I knew he was could mean that I wouldn't completely not know where he wasn't. Gingerbread Man continues to sing his "Lollipop Song." PIG #1 Oh, enough! Shrek went off to bring back the next heir! Oh! The pig realizes his admission and immediately covers his mouth. Pinocchio laughs nervously. PRINCE CHARMING He's bringing back the next heir? PINOCCHIO No! Pinocchio's nose grows. PRINCE CHARMING Hook! Get rid of this new "King." CAPTAIN HOOK Right! PRINCE CHARMING But bring Shrek to me. I have something special in mind for him. PINOCCHIO He'll never fall for your tricks! Pinocchio's nose grows again. WOLF Oh boy. CUT TO: EXT. BOAT DECK - DUSK The boat cuts through the open sea. Artie smiles as he watches Worcestershire shrinking away on the horizon. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 55. ARTIE I can't believe it... me a King? I...I mean I knew I came from royalty and all, but I just figured everyone forgot about me. He looks out to sea, disbelieving. SHREK Oh no, in fact, the King asked for you personally. Artie smiles. ARTIE Really? Wow! Look, I know it's not all gonna be fun and games. SHREK It really is all fun and games, actually. Sure, you have to knight a few heroes, launch a ship or two. By the way, make sure you hit the boat just right with the bottle. ARTIE Boat with the bottle? Any idiot can hit a boat with a bottle. Shrek chuckles sheepishly. SHREK Well, I've heard it's harder than it looks. ARTIE Whoa!! This is gonna be huge. Parties, princesses, castles... princesses. DONKEY It's gonna be great, Artie. You'll be living in the lap of luxury. They got the finest chefs around waiting for you to place your order. Puss jumps up onto the railing next to Artie. PUSS And fortunately you'll have the royal food tasters. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 56. ARTIE (INTRIGUED)) Oh yeah? What do they do? PUSS They taste the food before the King eats, to make sure it's not poisoned. ARTIE Poisoned? Shrek senses trouble and immediately steps in. SHREK Or too salty! Shrek turns to Puss and Donkey, trying to shut them up. DONKEY (TO ARTIE) Don't worry about it. You'll be safe and sound with the help of your body guards. ARTIE Body guards? PUSS All of them, willing at a moment's notice to lay down their own lives out of devotion to you. ARTIE Really? PUSS Si, and the whole kingdom will look to you for wisdom and guidance. Behind Artie, Shrek mouths "shut-up" to Puss and Donkey. DONKEY Just make sure they don't die of famine. PUSS Or plague. DONKEY Oh, plague is bad. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 57. PUSS The coughing, the groaning, the festering sores. Shrek interrupts with a mock laugh. SHREK Oh! Festering sores! Hey, you are one funny kitty cat. PUSS What did I say? SHREK We don't want Artie here getting the wrong idea. Shrek motions to Artie, but he's gone. They all look around. SHREK (CONT'D) Uh, Artie? The boat suddenly pitches to the right. Shrek braces himself. Puss and Donkey tumble away. ALL Whoa! Artie swings the wheel around, sending the boat back in the direction of his school. Shrek works his way into the cabin and gains control of the wheel. The drunken Ship Captain slides by. SHIP CAPTAIN Whoa! Oh, there goes my hip. SHREK Artie! Shrek turns the wheel the other way. SHREK (CONT'D) What are you doing?! The boat veers again, heading back toward Far Far Away. Artie falls to the ground and slides to the back of the boat. A shuffle board stick slides next to Artie. He grabs it. ARTIE What does it look like?! He jams it in the boat's wheel. The boat lurches. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 58. He swings the boat back in the other direction. Shrek rises up and grabs the wheel and turns it. SHREK This really isn't up to you! Artie falls underneath the wheel. He stands up shoving the wheel back the other way. ARTIE But I don't know anything about being King! SHREK You'll learn on the job! Donkey and Puss roll across the deck. DONKEY Whoaaa! Shrek grabs the wheel and swings it around. Artie yanks the wheel. They wrestle for control. ARTIE Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm going back! SHREK Back to what? Being a loser?! As soon as the word leaves his lips, Shrek knows he's gone too far. Stung, Artie lets go of the wheel, leaving Shrek to yank hard on it. He pulls the steering column from the decking. SHREK (CONT'D) Now look what you did! ARTIE Look what I did? Who's holding the wheel chief? Donkey climbs up onto the railing. He is seasick and is about to puke when he sees jagged rocks ahead. DONKEY (SWALLOWING; THEN SHOUTING) Shrek! Shrek desperately sets the wheel back down and tries to steer the ship clear of the rocks. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 59. The camera pans past the boat. Off-screen we hear the boat crash into the rocks. SHIP CAPTAIN (O.S.) Land ho! EXT. BEACH - DUSK Shrek, holding Puss and Donkey, staggers onto a small beach. He glares at Artie who pulls himself out of the surf. Shrek drops Puss and Donkey. Puss, tired of being wet, shakes himself vigorously. His fur puffs up into a fro. He drops his head in shame. PUSS How humiliating... SHREK Oh, nice going, Your Highness. ARTIE Oh, so now it's "Your highness?" What happened to "loser?" Huh? SHREK Hey, if you think this is getting you out of anything, well it isn't. We're heading back to Far Far Away one way or another, and you're gonna be a father! Artie raises an eyebrow. Puss and Donkey stare at Shrek uncomfortably. ARTIE What? DONKEY (clearing his throat) A-hem. You just said father... SHREK You're... I said king. You're gonna be King! ARTIE (IMITATING SHREK) "You're gonna be King!" Yeah right. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 60. Artie shakes his head and marches down the beach toward a path into the woods. SHREK Where do you think you're going? ARTIE Far Far Away... from you! SHREK You get back here young man and I mean it! Artie keeps climbing. PUSS Uh boss, I don't think he's coming back and maybe it's for the best. He is not exactly king material. Shrek looks towards Artie. DONKEY When were you pla

thinks onions are mediocre

Jackson Garrett

dank memes

Memes that are dank

Think onions are sad

Moist Sadness

Onions

O

Yummmmmmmmmmm

O N I O N S

puts eyeliner on onions and throws them off towers

Panic! at the Disco

im sorry jackson i felt the need to do this

Scene 1: The Carrot Days Talent Show [In a jungle, a little, feral bunny is creeping up to a water hole. Eventually, during the following line, a tiger is about to pounce on the rabbit.] Young Judy Hopps: [hushed, then her voice gets louder, as a crescendo] Fear, treachery, blood lust. Thousands of years ago, these were the forces that ruled our world. A world where prey were scared of predators. And predators had an uncontrollable, biological urge to maim and maul, and... [The rabbit, drinks from the water hole, notices, and turns around just when the tiger pounces towards it. Cut to reality. It is revealed that the "jungle" is really a stage in an auditorium, and as for the hunting, Jaguar, in a tiger costume, is pretending to pounce on a young Judy Hopps, who is wearing gray and white clothes that match her fur.] Young Judy Hopps: Ahh! [she draws out long, red ribbons from her costume] Blood, blood, blood! [Judy falls on her back, making choking noises. She reaches for a hidden ketchup bottle and, while still laying on her back, places it upright under her arm and squeezes its contents over her body while pretending to convulse.] And... death! [Judy squeezes the bottle one last time, much to the horror and disgust of the audience and her parents, Bonnie and Stu Hopps, the latter of whom is recording the play with a camcorder. Bobby Catmull bangs dramatically on a timpani drum. Judy stands up.] Young Judy Hopps: Back then, the world was divided in two - vicious predators [Jaguar hisses] and meek prey. [Judy gives an innocent look. Boxes, labeled "Viscious Predator" and "Meek Prey" lower down and cover them. Bobby plays bass notes on the hammered dulcimer heavily, then plays a light harp glissando, when Sharla the sheep in white robe-like clothing tosses confetti from a basket over the bags and prances around.] But over time, we evolved and looked beyond our primitive savage ways. [The boxes pull up and Judy and Jaguar are in white robes as well. Sharla pops a noisemaker and Judy and Jaguar hold paws] Now, predator and prey live in harmony and every young mammal has multitudinous opportunities. Sharla: Yeah, I don't have to cower in a herd anymore. [takes off white clothing, revealing an astronaut outfit and puts on a helmet] Instead, I can be an astronaut! [The crowd applauds as Bobby plays a slide whistle indicating alien music.] Jaguar: [slightly monotone from nervousness] I don't have to be a lonely hunter anymore. [takes off robe-clothing, revealing a nice suit and tie, and takes out a pen, his voice becomes more confident.] Today I can hunt for tax exemptions; I'm gonna be an actuary! [The crowd applauds again as Bobby plays the piano.] Young Judy Hopps: And I can make the world a better place, I am going to be... [Bobby turns on a radio and moves his head side to side with the beat of the police music that is heard, and Judy tears off the clothing revealing a police officer's uniform] ...a police officer! [Bonnie and Stu look shocked and glance at each other in worry.] Young Gideon Grey: [laughs, nudging Travis, who is eating peanuts] Bunny cop! That is the most stupidest thing I ever heard. Young Judy Hopps: [puts on a police officer's hat] It may seem impossible to small minds - I'm looking at you, Gideon Grey - [Gideon glares at her; the jungle backdrop curtain on the stage rises, revealing a colorful painted mural of Zootopia behind it. Sharla and Jaguar hold up a banner reading "where anyone can be anything"; Bobby plays the piano in the background.] but, just two-hundred and eleven miles away stands the great city of Zootopia, where our ancestors first joined together in peace and declared that anyone can be anything! [Judy bows. Bobby plays the final notes on a keyboard. The audience applauds. Stu closes the camcorder and he and Bonnie look at each other in worry] Thank you and good night! Scene 2: Judy Confronts Gideon [The scene changes to outside in Bunnyburrow at the Carrot Days Festival. Judy is seen skipping beside her parents as they walk out of the auditorium.] Stu Hopps: Judy, you ever wonder how your mom and me got to be so darn happy? Young Judy Hopps: [enthusiastic] Nope! Stu Hopps: Well, we gave up on our dreams and we settled, right, Bon? Bonnie Hopps: Oh, yes, that's right, Stu. We settled hard. Stu Hopps: See? That's the beauty of complacency, Jude. If you don't try anything new, you'll never fail! Young Judy Hopps: I like trying, actually. [jumps on a line of hay and skips] Bonnie Hopps: What your father means, hun, is that it's gonna be difficult, impossible even, for you to become a police officer. Stu Hopps: Right! There's never been a bunny cop. Bonnie Hopps: No. Stu Hopps: Bunnies don't do that. Bonnie Hopps: Never! Stu Hopps: Never. Young Judy Hopps: [disappointed] Oh... [enthusiasm picks up again] Then I guess I'll have to be the first one! Because I [runs to a stand, flips off of it and lands, striking a pose] am gonna make the world a better place! Stu Hopps: [laughs nervously] Or, uh, heck, you know, if you wanna talk about making the world a better place, no better way to do it than becoming a carrot farmer. Bonnie Hopps: Yes! Your dad, me, your two-hundred seventy-five brothers and sisters, we're changing the world. Stu Hopps: Yeah. Bonnie Hopps: One carrot at a time. Stu Hopps: Amen to that. Carrot farming is a noble profession. [as Bonnie and Stu are talking, Judy sees Sharla, Gareth, and a rabbit girl with tickets walking off; Gideon and Travis are close by and they follow them.] Bonnie Hopps: Mm-hm. Just putting the seeds on the ground. Stu Hopps: Ahh. And one with the soil, just getting covered in dirt. [Judy follows her friends and foes.] Bonnie Hopps: You get it, honey. Yeah, but it's great to have dreams. Stu Hopps: Yeah, just as long as you don't believe in them too much. [They both turn to look at her but then realize that Judy is no longer present.] Where'd the heck she go? [Judy peeks from behind a tree and sees Gideon and Travis cornering the children.] Young Gideon Grey: Gimme your tickets right now, or I'm gonna kick your meek little sheep butt! [hits Sharla's head] Sharla: Ow! Cut it out, Gideon! Young Gideon Grey: Baaa, baaa! [takes the tickets] What are you gonna do, cry? Young Judy Hopps: [steps forward] Hey! You heard her, cut it out. Young Gideon Grey: [sarcastically] Nice costume, loser! What crazy world are you livin' in where you think a bunny could be a cop? Young Judy Hopps: [unfazed] Kindly return my friend's tickets. Young Gideon Grey: [taps his overalls pocket] Come and get 'em! But watch out, 'cause I'm a fox, and like you said in your dumb little stage play, us predators used to eat prey! And our killer instinct's still in our duh-nuh. Travis: Uh, I'm pretty much sure it's pronounced D-N-A. Young Gideon Grey: [irritated and he swats at Travis] Don't tell me what I know, Travis! Young Judy Hopps: You don't scare me, Gideon! [Gideon pushes Judy hard to the ground, knocking her hat off; the children scream in shock and run behind a tree] Young Gideon Grey: Scared now? [Judy's face shows fear as her eyes water and her nose twitches] Travis: [laughing] Look at her nose twitch! She is scared! Young Gideon Grey: Cry little baby bunny, cry! [Then, Judy kicks Gideon hard in the face, shocking everyone else. Gideon feels his lip.] Aww, you don't know when to quit, do you? [Gideon unsheathes his claws. Judy gasps in fear, and Gideon growls, then slashes Judy across the cheek, causing her friends to scream in horror. Judy's cheek shows three claw marks on it. Judy feels her cheek and gasps, her face full of fear. Gideon shoves Judy's face into the dirt] I want you to remember this moment the next time you think you will ever be anything more than just a stupid, carrot-farming dumb bunny! [Gideon and Travis leave high-fiving each other and laughing. The children rush to Judy.] Gareth: That looks bad! Sharla: Are you okay, Judy? Young Judy Hopps: Yeah, yeah. I'm okay. [holds up tickets] Here you go. Sharla: Wow! You got our tickets! Gareth: You're awesome, Judy. Sharla: Yeah! That Gideon Grey doesn't know what he's talkin' 'bout! Young Judy Hopps: Well, he was right about one thing: [Judy picks up her officer hat off the ground and puts it back on, as determination spreads rapidly across her face.] I don't know when to quit! Scene 3: The Zootopia Police Academy [Scene changes to the Zootopia Police Academy where Judy, grown up, is with other much larger animals. The caption shows 15 Years Later...] Major Friedkin: Listen up, cadets! Zootopia has twelve unique ecosystems within its city limits. Tundratown! Sahara Square! Rainforest District - to name a few! You're gonna have to master all of them before you hit the streets or guess what? [looks at Judy] You'll be dead! [Judy shows a surprised look.] Major Friedkin: Scorching sandstorm! [the cadets make their way across through the Sahara Square section; Judy struggles, and the sand covers her completely; her tail sticks out.] You're dead, bunny bumpkin. [The cadets cross through monkey bars in the Rainforest District section.] Major Friedkin: One-thousand-foot fall! Judy Hopps: Whoa! [Judy loses her grip and falls face flat in the mud.] Major Friedkin: You're dead, carrot face! Major Friedkin: Frigid ice-wall! [Judy tries to climb the iceberg wall, but slides off and falls in the icy water. She emerges, freezing.] You're dead, farm girl! Major Friedkin: Enormous criminal! [Judy fights a rhino, but gets knocked back.] You're dead! [Scenes show Judy covered in tar in a tire, her ears caught in a police cruiser door, and falling off the vines.] Dead, dead, dead! [Judy, exhausted, goes up to a large toilet stall, hops up on the toilet seat, slips, and falls in, making water spill.] Judy Hopps: Whoa! Major Friedkin: [from stall right next to Judy's] Filthy toilet! You're dead, fluff-butt! [Scene changes to Judy outside at dusk.] Just quit and go home, fuzzy bunny. Stu Hopps: [faded] There's never been a bunny cop. Bonnie Hopps: [faded] Never! Stu Hopps: [faded] Never. Young Gideon Grey: [faded] ...just a stupid, carrot-farming dumb bunny! [Eventually, however, Judy returns and does personal training by doing pull-ups on her bunk bed with an open book in front of her. She then has returned to the Academy and hopped over two of her fellow cadets to hop over the iceberg, much to the impression of the Major. Then in the ring, she dodges the rhino's punches, pulls back against the ropes and kicks the rhino's hand making him punch himself, knocking his mouth guard and falls down.] Scene 4: Judy's Graduation Ceremony [The scene changes to a ceremony where Mayor Lionheart stands at a podium with Assistant Mayor Bellwether next to him.] Leodore Lionheart: As mayor of Zootopia, I am proud to announce that my mammal inclusion initiative has produced its first police academy graduate. Valedictorian of her class, ZPD's very first rabbit officer, Judy Hopps! [Judy in full police uniform, walks up with confidence as her family cheers for her.] Stu Hopps: [cries] Oh, gosh! Leodore Lionheart: Ahem, Assistant Mayor Bellwether, her badge. Dawn Bellwether: [frantically looks for the badge] Oh, yes, right! Leodore Lionheart: Thank you. Hopps sibling: Yay, Judy! [Bellwether places the badge on Judy's uniform.] Leodore Lionheart: Judy, it is my great privilege to officially assign you to the heart of Zootopia, precinct one, city center. [Judy lets out a squeal of excitement. Judy's brothers and sisters cheer, Bonnie and Stu look at each other in concern, clapping slowly.] Dawn Bellwether: Congratulations, Officer Hopps. Judy Hopps: I won't let you down. [quietly] This has been my dream since I was a kid. Dawn Bellwether: [aside] You know, it's a - it's a real proud day for us little guys. Leodore Lionheart: Bellwether, make room, will ya? Come on. [pushes Bellwether out of the way by her face and poses next to Judy.] Okay, Officer Hopps. Let's see those teeth! [Photographers take pictures of Judy and Mayor Lionheart as Bellwether tries to move in.] Scene 5: Judy Travels to Zootopia [The scene changes to the Bunnyburrow Train Station where Judy's family say farewell to Judy.] Bonnie Hopps: We're real proud of you, Judy. Stu Hopps: Yup, and scared too. Bonnie Hopps: Yes. Stu Hopps: Really, it's a - it's kind of a proud-scared combo. I mean, Zootopia, so far away, such a big city. Judy Hopps: Guys, I've been working for this my whole life. Bonnie Hopps: We know, and we're just a little excited for you, but terrified. Judy Hopps: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Stu Hopps: And also bears. We have bears to fear too, say nothing of lions and wolves- Bonnie Hopps: Wolves? Stu Hopps: Weasels! Bonnie Hopps: You play cribbage with a weasel. Stu Hopps: Yeah, and he cheats like there's no tomorrow. [Judy sighs.] You know what? Pretty much all predators, and Zootopia's full of 'em. Bonnie Hopps: Oh, Stu. Stu Hopps: And foxes are the worst! Bonnie Hopps: Actually, your father does have a point there. It's in their biology. Remember what happened with Gideon Grey? Judy Hopps: When I was nine. Gideon Grey was a jerk who happened to be a fox. I know plenty of bunnies who are jerks. Stu Hopps: Sure, yeah, we all do, absolutely. But just in case, [holds up a bag] we made a little care package to take with you. Bonnie Hopps: Mm-mm. I put some snacks in there. Stu Hopps: [takes out a spray bottle] This is fox deterrent. Bonnie Hopps: Yeah, that's safe to have. Stu Hopps: [takes out a repellent] This is fox repellent. Bonnie Hopps: Okay, the deterrent and the repellent, that's all she needs. Stu Hopps: [takes out a fox taser] Check this out! [Stu turns the fox taser on. The fox taser releases a powerful blast, nearly zapping Judy, who cringes.] Bonnie Hopps: Oh, for goodness sake! [pulls the fox taser away] She has no need for a fox taser, Stu! Stu Hopps: Oh, come on, when is there not a need for a fox taser? Judy Hopps: Okay, look! I will take this [Takes fox repellent] to make you stop talking. Stu Hopps: [happily] Terrific! Everyone wins! [the train arrives] Announcer: Arriving, Zootopia Express. Judy Hopps: Okay, gotta go. Bye! [Judy enters the train, other siblings are heard saying "Bye Judy!" Judy pauses for a second, then runs back and hugs her parents] I love you guys! [She kisses Bonnie's cheek, and then Stu's.] Bonnie Hopps: Love you, too. [Judy releases them and runs back to the train] Stu Hopps: Oh, cripes. Here come the waterworks. [He blubbers.] Bonnie Hopps: Oh, Stu, pull it together. Judy Hopps: Bye everybody! Stu Hopps: Bye. Bye, Judy! Cotton: Bye, Judy, I love you! Bye! Bye! [the train pulls away] Judy Hopps: Bye! [The continually increasing population, as shown by the Bunnyburrow sign, decreases by one as the train leaves. On the train, Judy searches her iPaw, selects Gazelle, and then, "Try Everything" from the list. Thus... Try Everything by Gazelle plays in the background as the train passes various areas; Judy sees camels galloping in Sahara Square; as the train enters Tundratown, Judy wipes off the mist and looks at the sights. Next, the train heads past Rainforest District and she marveled at the sight of the raindrops. Finally, the train arrives to Zootopia, an excited Judy gets off the train, rides an escalator, sees a hippo coming out from an underwater part of the train and is dried off via floor vents, and even passes hamster tunnels where lemmings are sliding off. Judy continues walking and looks around in awe. As the song ends, a video of Gazelle is played on a billboard.] Gazelle: [On a video billboard] I'm Gazelle. Welcome to Zootopia. Scene 6: The Grand Pangolin Arms [The scene changes to the inside of an apartment, the door swings open, Judy is being shown to her room by an elderly armadillo named Dharma Armadillo.] Dharma Armadillo: And welcome to the Grand Pangolin Arms, luxury apartments with charm. Complementary de-lousing once a month... Don't lose your key. [gives her the key and leaves] Judy Hopps: Thank you. [sees Bucky and Pronk Oryx-Antlerson walking past her] Oh, hi! I'm Judy, your new neighbor. Bucky Oryx-Antlerson: [grumpy] Yeah? Well, we're loud. Pronk Oryx-Antlerson: [grumpy] Don't expect us to apologize for it. [Their door slams; Judy looks around the room] Judy Hopps: Greasy walls... [puts her suitcase on the floor and presses down on the bed] Rickety bed... [Bucky and Pronk are heard next door saying "Shut up!" to each other, two pictures on Judy's wall move up and down as the two yell at each other] Crazy neighbors... [flops on the bed with a huge smile] I love it!! [The alarm goes off at 5:30; Judy turns it off, gets in her uniform, polishes her badge, unlocks her door and grabs her key. She looks at the fox repellent.] Judy Hopps: Eh... [Judy leaves the room. A few seconds later, she goes back in and grabs the repellent.] Scene 7: The Bullpen [The scene shows Zootopia Police Department. Inside, Officer Fangmeyer, a tiger, takes in a wolf with a muzzle.] Muzzled wolf: Come on! He bared his teeth first! [Officer Benjamin Clawhauser, an obese cheetah, is seen behind the radio dispatcher's desk, eating a bowl of Lucky Chomps Cereal.] Benjamin Clawhauser: Mm mm mmm! [Judy walks up to the desk.] Judy Hopps: Excuse me! Benjamin Clawhauser: Hm? Judy Hopps: Down here! [Clawhauser looks out from his desk and sees Judy] Hi! Benjamin Clawhauser: O.M. Goodness... They really did hire a bunny. [Laughs] What!? I gotta tell you, you are even cuter than I thought you'd be! Judy Hopps: Ooh, uh, you probably didn't know, but a bunny can call another bunny cute, but when other animals do it, it's a little... Benjamin Clawhauser: [Gasps] I am so sorry! Me, Benjamin Clawhauser, the guy everyone thinks is just a flabby, donut-loving cop stereotyping you, oh... Judy Hopps: [giggles] That's okay. [notices a donut stuck under Clawhauser's neck fold] Oh, you've actually - you've actually got... There's a... Benjamin Clawhauser: Um... A what? Judy Hopps: In your neck, the fold... The - the, there's... Benjamin Clawhauser: Where? [Pulls the donut out of his neck fat] Oh, there you went, you little dickens! [eats the donut whole.] Judy Hopps: [laughs nervously] I should get to roll call. So, which way do I... Benjamin Clawhauser: Oh, bull pen's over there to the left. Judy Hopps: Great. Thank you! [Judy walks off to the bull pen as the other officers watch her in amusement.] Benjamin Clawhauser: Aww... That poor little bunny's gonna get eaten alive. [Judy enters the room and sees a bunch of officers, most of the predator kind, conversing. She sees a lion and a polar bear arm wrestling. The polar bear pins the lion's arm down with a huge thud, surprising Judy and causing laughter from the other officers. She walks to a chair and struggles to get on, which she managed. She looks at Officer McHorn, a rhino.] Judy Hopps: [cheerfully] Hey! Officer Hopps. You ready to make the world a better place? [Judy holds out her paw for a fist bump. Officer McHorn snorts, rolls his eyes, and uses his fist to push Judy's fist, which pushes her and her chair a few feet away. She laughs half heartedly.] Officer Higgins: Atten-hut! [As Chief Bogo, the cape buffalo chief of police enters, the other, larger officers bang their fists on the desks.] Chief Bogo: Alright. Alright! Everybody sit. [Judy sits, but when she sits, only the tips of her ears are shown, so later she stands.] I've got three items on the docket. First... we need to acknowledge the elephant in the room. [turns to an elephant officer] Francine [they look at Francine in mild suspense] - happy birthday. [The suspense turns into excitement; officers around Francine get involved in a tussle] Officer Francine: Heh, oh yeah? [gives a tiger officer a noogie] Judy Hopps: [applauds and is later surprised] Oh, oh... Chief Bogo: Number two; there are some new recruits with us I should introduce, but I'm not going to because I don't care. [The officers snigger; Judy grins.] Chief Bogo: Finally; we have fourteen missing mammal cases - all predators - from a giant polar bear to a teensy little otter, and City Hall is right up my tail to find them! This is priority number one. [Higgins gives Chief Bogo the files; Bogo takes out glasses and starts handing them out to the assigned officers] Assignments: Officers Grizzoli, Fangmeyer, Delgato; your teams take missing mammals from the Rainforest District. [Delgato takes the file from Grizzoli as the team leaves] Officers McHorn, Rhinowitz, Wolfard; your teams take Sahara Square. [McHorn takes the file and his team leaves] Officers Higgins, Snarlov, Trunkaby: Tundratown. [Trunkaby takes the file and the team leaves] And finally our first bunny: Officer Hopps... [Judy anxiously awaits for her assignment; Chief Bogo sighs, giving a blank stare] parking duty. Dismissed. [Judy shows signs of confusion.] Judy Hopps: Parking duty? [gets Chief Bogo's attention, who was leaving the room] Chief? Chief Bogo? [Chief Bogo puts on his glasses and looks down at Judy] Sir, you said there were fourteen missing mammal cases. Chief Bogo: So? Judy Hopps: So I can handle one. You probably forgot, but I was top of my class at the academy. Chief Bogo: Didn't forget. Just don't care. Judy Hopps: Sir, I'm not just some token bunny. Chief Bogo: Well then, writing one hundred tickets a day should be easy. [Leaves room; Judy seems stunned, she taps her foot angrily] Judy Hopps: A hundred tickets, I'm not gonna write a hundred tickets. I'm gonna write two-hundred tickets! Before noon! Scene 8: Enter Nick Wilde [Judy puts on her meter maid outfit, adjusts her mirror, puts on her seatbelt, turns on the car, and hits the pedal. The car moves as slow as possible. She goes around giving tickets to cars that have expired parking spots. Later, her ears pick up a beeping sound. A parking meter has expired. She grins, goes to the car, types up a ticket and puts it on the windshield. She hears another beep. She puts another ticket on another car. Her ears pick up another beep and puts another ticket on another car. She approaches a tall giraffe car. She grins, goes to her cart, leaps off of it onto a street sign, which she leaps from, lands on the car and places a ticket on its windshield. She hears parking meters expiring and puts tickets on cars as quick as possible. A mouse goes to his car with a parking ticket on it; it drives away and the mouse panicked goes after it. The parking meters go off one by one, Judy continues giving tickets to car and the number on her pad increases as the tickets are being printed out. Later, Judy looks at the clock which points to 12:00 and looks at the ticket pad which shows 200.] Judy Hopps: Boom! Two-hundred tickets before noon. [Judy's own meter expires] Ugh... [prints out a ticket and gives it to her own vehicle] two-o-one. [Then, she hears a car horn and sees Nick Wilde, a fox, dodging a Fresh Doe truck being driven by a ram named Doug.] Doug: Hey, watch where you're goin', fox! [drives away] [Judy watches Nick, slyly standing by an ice cream parlor, Jumbeaux's Café. When an elephant enters, Nick goes inside. Suspicious, Judy goes up to the parlor and peeks through the window looking for Nick, but she doesn't see him.] Judy Hopps: [whispering] Where'd he go? [Judy hops down and goes inside the store] [In the café, the owner, Jerry Jumbeaux, Jr., an elephant, is at the counter taking orders. Judy enters and sees Nick talking to Jerry.] Jerry Jumbeaux, Jr.: Listen, I don't know what you're doing skulking around during daylight hours, but I don't want any trouble in here, [Judy opens the lid off her belt to use the fox repellent] so hit the road! Nick Wilde: I'm not looking for any trouble either, sir. I simply wanna buy a Jumbo-pop for my little boy. [a fennec fox, Finnick appears, in an elephant costume, sucking on a pacifier. He looks at Judy. Judy is taken aback; to Finnick] You want the red or the blue, pal? [Finnick walks up to the glass and points to the cherry jumbo pop] Judy Hopps: Ugh, [closes the strap on her belt and starts to leave] I'm such a - Jerry Jumbeaux, Jr.: [to Finnick] Okay, come on, kid, back up. [to Nick] Listen, buddy, what? There aren't any fox ice cream joints in your part of town? [Judy stops and overhears them.] Nick Wilde: Uh, no-no. There are, there are. It's just, my boy, this goofy little stinker, he loves all things elephant, he wants to be one when he grows up. [Finnick puts on an elephant mask and makes an elephant toot sound] Is that adorable? Judy Hopps: Aww... Nick Wilde: Who the heck am I to crush his little dreams, huh? Right? Jerry Jumbeaux, Jr.: Look, you probably can't read, fox, [takes out a sign and points to it] but the sign says "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone", so beat it! Elephant Lady: [pushing Nick] You're holding up the line! [Finnick gives a sad toot sound; Judy steps forward] Judy Hopps: Hello? Excuse me? Jerry Jumbeaux, Jr.: Hey, you're gonna have to wait your turn like everyone else, meter maid. Judy Hopps: Actually, [pulls back the orange mesh strap of her meter maid outfit, revealing her police uniform and badge] I'm an officer. Just had a quick question: are your customers aware they're getting snot and mucus with their cookies and cream? [an elephant couple are eating ice cream together holding trunks. Upon hearing this, the male elephant spits the ice cream from his trunk in the female elephant's face.] Jerry Jumbeaux, Jr.: What are you talkin' about? Judy Hopps: Well, I don't wanna cause you any trouble but, I believe scooping ice cream with an ungloved trunk is a class-three health code violation. [Jerry notices an employee holding ice cream with his trunk. The employee drops the ice cream, wipes his trunk on his apron, and sheepishly walks out.] Which is kind of a big deal. [Nick stands bewildered at her eagerness to help him.] Of course I can let you off with a warning if you glove those trunks and, I don't know, finish selling this nice dad and his son a... [to Nick, whispered] What was it? Nick Wilde: A jumbo pop. Please. Judy Hopps: A jumbo pop. [Finnick toots] Jerry Jumbeaux, Jr.: [sighs annoyed] Fifteen dollars. Nick Wilde: Thank you so much. [to Judy] Thank you. [Feels his pockets, then becomes mildly surprised.] Oh no, are you kidding me? I don't have my wallet! [chuckles nervously] I'd lose my head if it weren't attached to my neck. That's the truth. [sighs] Oh boy, [to Finnick] I'm sorry, pal. Gotta be about the worst birthday ever. Please don't be mad at me. [kisses Finnick on the head and they walk out; to Judy] Thanks anyway. [Judy watches them leave, slams a twenty dollar bill on the counter.] Judy Hopps: Keep the change. [Later, Judy, Nick, and Finnick walk outside the parlor; Nick holds the jumbo pop that is nearly as big as himself and Judy holds Finnick's hand as they walk out.] Nick Wilde: Officer, I can't thank you enough. So kind, really. Can I pay you back? Judy Hopps: Oh no, my treat. It just - you know, it burns me up to see folks with such backward attitudes toward foxes. I just wanna say that you're a great dad and just a... A real articulate fella. Nick Wilde: Well, that is high praise. It's rare that I find someone so non-patronizing. Officer... Judy Hopps: [tips her hat] Hopps. Mr... Nick Wilde: Wilde. Nick Wilde. [Judy and Nick shake paws; Judy looks at Finnick] Judy Hopps: And you, little guy, you want to be an elephant when you grow up? You be an elephant. Because this is Zootopia. [places a Zootopia Police sticker on Finnick] Anyone can be anything. [Finnick toots] Nick Wilde: Ah, boy, I tell him that all the time. [gives Finnick the jumbo pop] Alright, here you go. Two paws, yeah. Oh, look at that smile [Finnick smiles through the costume], that's a happy birthday smile! All right. Give her a little bye-bye toot-toot! [Finnick toots twice as Nick and Finnick leave] Judy Hopps: Toot toot! [laughs] Nick Wilde: Bye now! [Spins around and walks down the street with Finnick] Judy Hopps: Goodbye! [cheerfully heads off on her way] Scene 9: The Pawpsicle Scam [Judy is seen in Sahara Square where she is continuing her meter maid job. She prints out another ticket and puts in on the windshield of a red car. She wipes her brow. Through the reflection, she sees Finnick.] Judy Hopps: Oh! Hey, little toot-toot... [She notices Finnick holding a jar, and red juice is pouring out of a rain gutter. Nick is seen on top of a roof, melting the Jumbo-pop on a chimney grate. After he melts it completely, he tosses the stick down, slides down from the roof like a surfer, grabs the jars, and he and Finnick walk inside their van and drive off. Judy looks confused as she sees Finnick driving the van. She follows them to Tundratown and sees Nick and Finnick. Finnick makes paw prints in the snow and puts small popsicle sticks by them, while Nick pours the melted Jumbo-pop juice over it. Judy continues to watch them in confusion. Later, Nick is seen carrying a cart of small Pawpsicles. He looks at the clock and it chimes 5:00. Lemmings are seen exiting Lemming Brothers Bank.] Nick Wilde: Pawpsicles! Get your pawpsicles. [Some lemmings leave, then one of them takes notices and goes up to Nick, and the other lemmings follow. The lemmings pay Nick as he hands them the pawpsicles one by one. They eat the pawpsicles and throw the sticks in the recycle cans in unison. Finnick pops out from the recycle cans and pulls carts holding the discarded sticks to the van. Judy watches suspiciously. Later, in Little Rodentia, a mouse foreman is working until he is halted by Nick putting the sticks in front of him.] Nick Wilde: Lumber delivery! Mouse foreman: What's with the color? Nick Wilde: The color? Uhh... It's red wood. [Judy watches from behind the grass and growls angrily, knowing she'd been conned.] Scene 10: Judy Attempts to Arrest Nick [In an alley, Nick is paying Finnick his share.] Nick Wilde: Thirty-nine, forty. There you go. Way to work that diaper, big guy! [Finnick takes off the costume and goes in the van.] Hey! No kiss bye-bye for daddy? [Finnick spits out the pacifier and looks at Nick.] Finnick: [in a deep gruff voice] You kiss me tomorrow, I'll bite your face off! [French hip hop music starts playing; Finnick puts on shades] Ciao! [Finnick drives off, revealing a glaring Judy. As Nick eats one of his own "pawpsicles", he stops at the sight of her.] Judy Hopps: Well. I stood up for you, and you lied to me. You liar! Nick Wilde: It's called a hustle, sweetheart. And I'm not the liar, he is! [points the other way; Judy looks but sees no one. She turns back and sees that Nick disappeared. She turns the other way and sees Nick walking away] Judy Hopps: Hey! [chases Nick] All right, slick Nick, you're under arrest. Nick Wilde: Really, for what? Judy Hopps: Gee, I don't know. How about selling food without a permit, transporting undeclared commerce across borough lines, false advertising... Nick Wilde: [shows a certificate] Permit, receipt of declared commerce, and I did not falsely advertise anything. Take care. Judy Hopps: You told that mouse the pawpsicle sticks were redwood! Nick Wilde: That's right. [hands her the stick] Red wood. With a space in the middle. Wood that is red. [crosses the street as wildebeest cross] You can't touch me, Carrots. I've been doing this since I was born. Judy Hopps: [threateningly] You're gonna want to refrain from calling me "Carrots." Nick Wilde: My bad, I just naturally assumed you came from some little carrot-choked Podunk, no? Judy Hopps: [gets through the wildebeest] Uh, no. Podunk is in Deerbrooke County and I grew up in Bunnyburrow. Nick Wilde: Okay. Tell me if this story sounds familiar. [takes a blueberry from a stand and eats it] Naive little hick with good grades and big ideas decides, "Hey, look at me, I'm gonna move to Zootopia, where predators and prey live in harmony and sing "Kumbaya"!" Only to find - whoopsie - we don't all get along. And that dream of becoming a big-city cop? Double whoopsie! She's a meter maid. And whoopsie number three-sie, no one cares about her or her dreams. [As he says this, she looks sad and shocked that he knows everything] And soon enough those dreams die, [Judy gives him a look of shock and anger at the mention of the possibility of her dream dying] and our bunny sinks into emotional and literal squalor, living in a box under a bridge. Till, finally, she has no choice but to go back home with that cute fuzzy-wuzzy little tail between her legs [he brushes his tail against the ground to emphasize] to become... You're from Bunnyburrow, is that what you said? So how about a carrot farmer? Does that sound about right? [walks off, leaving Judy stunned. Judy follows Nick and is almost trampled by a rhino] Be careful now, or it won't just be your dreams getting crushed. Judy Hopps: [catches up to Nick, frustrated] Hey, hey! No one tells me what I can or can't be! Especially not some jerk who never had the guts to try and be anything more than a pawpsicle hustler. Nick Wilde: All right, look, everyone comes to Zootopia thinking they can be anything they want. Well, you can't. You can only be what you are. [points to himself] Sly fox, [points to Judy] dumb bunny. Judy Hopps: I am not a dumb bunny. [She sinks a bit and there is a soft squelch as she sinks to her knees] Nick Wilde: Right. [points down] And that's not wet cement. [Judy is seen up to her knees in cement; Three construction beavers take notice and glare at her. Nick walks off as Judy struggles to break loose] You'll never be a real cop. You're a cute meter maid, though. Maybe a supervisor one day. Hang in there! [Nick turns a corner, leaving Judy upset.] Scene 11: Muzzletime [Judy returns to her apartment with small gray-tan clouds of dust erupt on the carpet due to her feet covered in cement powder. She enters her room puts her stuff on her desk and cycles sadly through songs on the radio] "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M. "All by Myself" by Eric Carmen "Can't Do Nuthin' Right" by Madisen Ward "I, Loser" by Winston Marshall "Not a Real Cop" by Michael Giacchino [Throughout the music, a depressed Judy puts a container of Carrots for One in the microwave and watches it with a lachrymose look on her face. When it's finished, she takes it out, opens it, only to find naught left but one dried up carrot that makes a squeal noise from steam. Judy groans in disgust, holds it arm length out, and tosses it away. Then her phone rings. Judy picks it up and sees that her parents are calling. Judy groans, puts on a forced smile, and answers her phone] Judy Hopps: Oh, hey, it's my parents! Bonnie Hopps: Oh, there she is! Hi, sweetheart! Stu Hopps: Hey there, Jude the Dude! How was your first day on the force? Judy Hopps: It was real great. Bonnie Hopps: Yeah? Everything you ever hoped? Judy Hopps: Mm-hmm, absolutely and more! Everyone's so nice, and I feel like I'm really making a difference. Stu Hopps: [notices Judy's meter maid uniform] Wait a second... [gets a bit closer to the screen] Holy cripes, Bonnie, look at that! Bonnie Hopps: [gets a bit closer to the screen as well] Oh my sweet heaven! Judy, are you a meter maid? Judy Hopps: Oh, this - [tries hurriedly to cover her vest] No! Oh, no. No, this is just a temporary thing! Bonnie Hopps: Oh! It's the safest job on the force! Stu Hopps: She's not a real cop! Our prayers have been answered! Bonnie Hopps: Glorious day! Stu Hopps: Ho-ho! Meter maid, meter maid, meter maid, meter maid! Judy Hopps: [over Stu] Dad. Dad! Dad! You know what, it's been a really long day, I should really... Bonnie Hopps: That's right, you get some rest! Stu Hopps: Those meters aren't gonna maid themselves! Bonnie Hopps: Bye bye! [ends call] Judy Hopps: Buh bye... [Judy puts down the phone and sits back, still depressed, as the music still plays.] Pronk Oryx-Antlerson: [from the other room] Hey, bunny, turn down that depressing music! [Judy turns off the radio quickly] Bucky Oryx-Antlerson: [from the other room] Leave the meter maid alone! Didn't you hear her conversation? She feels like a failure! Pronk Oryx-Antlerson: Oh, shut up! Bucky Oryx-Antlerson: You shut up! Pronk Oryx-Antlerson: You shut up! Bucky Oryx-Antlerson: You shut up! Judy Hopps: [groans, mutters to herself] Tomorrow's another day... [Pause] Pronk Oryx-Antlerson: Yeah, but it might be worse! Scene 12: The Chase in Little Rodentia [The next day, Judy is doing her meter maid duty again. A parking meter goes off and she puts a ticket on a car. A moose is angry.] Moose: [grumbles] I was thirty seconds over! [Another parking meter expired and Judy puts a ticket on a tiny car.] Mouse: Yeah, you're a real hero, lady! [Another parking meter goes off and Judy puts another ticket on another car.] Hippo Girl: My mommy says she wishes you were dead. Offscreen character: Uncool, Rabbit! My tax dollars pay your salary! [Judy, bummed, goes inside her car and bangs her head on the steering wheel.] Judy Hopps: I am a real cop, I am a real cop, I am a real cop, I am a real cop... [Duke Weaselton runs past her carrying a duffel bag. Frantic Pig goes up to her.] Frantic Pig: Hey! Hey, hey! You, bunny! Judy Hopps: [agitated, stops banging her head] Sir, if you have a grievance, you may contest your citation in traffic court. Frantic Pig: What are you talking about?! My shop! It was just robbed! Look, he's getting away! [Duke quickly runs away from the shop. Frantic Pig shakes Judy's vehicle violently, surprising her] Well, are you a cop or not?! Judy Hopps: [seeing it as an opportunity to prove herself] Oh! Yes. Yes! Don't worry, sir, I got this! [Judy runs out of her car, throws her hat away, tears off her vest like Superman tearing out of his uniform, and chases after Duke.] Stop! [Duke sees her chasing after him.] Stop in the name of the law! Duke Weaselton: Catch me if ya' can, cottontail! [Judy chases Duke through Savannah Central. Duke dodges large animals and runs under a police car.] Coming through! Officer McHorn: This is Officer McHorn, we got a 10-31. [Judy hops from behind the car, slides off the top, and continues chasing after Duke.] Judy Hopps: I got dibs! Officer Hopps, I am in pursuit! Woot woot! [Judy continues chasing Duke; Duke sees the entrance of Little Rodentia. He throws the bag over the gate and dives through the hole. Some mice run away as Duke enters through the hole and catches the bag. He chuckles and runs off. Judy slides through the entrance and looks for Duke. She sees the bag.] Judy Hopps: You! Freeze! [Judy runs after him and McHorn runs up to the gate.] Officer McHorn: Hey! Meter maid! Wait for the real cops! [Judy chases Duke down the streets.] Judy Hopps: Stop! [Duke steps on tiny cars with mice driving them and uses them as roller skates, similar to Ginormica. He taunts Judy.] Duke Weaselton: Ha ha ha ha! [Duke roller skates through between buildings and hops on them. Judy follows him and sees Duke jumping on the buildings and tipping the last one in the process. In one of the buildings, a mouse is on a hamster wheel and notices her house is being tilted. The buildings topple each other like dominos. Judy stands between the buildings and pushes them back in place. The mice scream and scurrying around. Judy makes her way past them without stepping on them.] Judy Hopps: Oh! Sorry, coming through! Excuse me. Excuse me. Pardon. [She gets on the train tracks and hears a train whistle. She sees Duke on top on a mouse-sized train. She quickly gets out of the way.] DAAAH! Duke Weaselton: Bon voyage-y, flatfoot! [Judy growls and goes after him. Duke notices a pipe, and inside a mouse panics. Duke dodges it, and then he notices more pipes. He dodges four pipes, feeling confident. Then he notices Judy hanging from another pipe. She grabs Duke and spins around and sends him flying off. Duke lands on a small flat building, The Big Donut. He sees Judy coming at him.] Judy Hopps: Hey! Stop right there! Duke Weaselton: Have a donut, copper! [He kicks the donut sign, Judy ducks. Not far away, Fru Fru, a lady shrew, is seen walking down the street with her shrew friends carrying shopping bags.] Fru Fru: Oh my god, did you see those leopard print jeggings? [Her friends hear the donut thumping on the street, and they scream and run away. Fru Fru notices the donut heading for her and screams. Judy takes notices and catches the donut, which is just a few inches away from her head. Fru Fru sees Judy holding the donut sign.] Judy Hopps: I love your hair. Fru Fru: Aw... Thank you! Duke Weaselton: [chuckles, taking the bag] Come to papa! [He gets spooked as Judy slams the donut on Duke. The scene changes to the ZPD where Clawhauser is talking to Mrs. Otterton while holding a donut.] Benjamin Clawhauser: Okay. You're gonna have to be patient and wait in line just like everyone else, Mrs. Otterton, okay? [Clawhauser and Mrs. Otterton hear the doors open. Clawhauser gets startled, and Mrs. Otterton watches curiously as Duke is seen bound by the donut, rolling across the room. He hits the side of the desk, making Clawhauser and Mrs. Otterton both yelp with surprise, Clawhauser accidentally drops his donut in the process. Duke moans, stops rolling, and lands in place, upside-down. Mrs. Otterton looks curiously at the donut sign as it stops rolling. Judy jumps through the open doorway, heroically and happily.] Judy Hopps: [triumphantly happy] I popped the weasel! Chief Bogo: HOPPS! [Judy sees Chief Bogo on the second-floor balcony, who points angrily to the left to meet him in his office.] Offscreen officer: [whispered] Uh-oh. Scene 13: Judy Takes the Otterton Case [Judy is seen in Chief Bogo's office.] Chief Bogo: Abandoning your post, inciting a scurry, reckless endangerment of rodents but - to be fair - you did stop a master criminal from stealing two-dozen moldy onions. [shows the bag, revealing plant bulbs] Judy Hopps: Mmm, hate to disagree with you, sir, but those aren't onions. Those are a crocus variety called Midnicampum holicithius. They're a Class С botanical, sir. Well, I grew up in a family where plant husbandry was kind of a thing... Chief Bogo: Shut your tiny mouth now! [puts the bag away] Judy Hopps: Sir, I got the bad guy. That's my job! Chief Bogo: Your job is putting tickets on parked cars! Benjamin Clawhauser: [through intercom] Chief, uh, Mrs. Otterton's here to see you again. Chief Bogo: Not now. Benjamin Clawhauser: [through intercom] Okay I just didn't know if you wanted to take it this time, she seems really upset... Chief Bogo: [this time, punctuating one word at a time and pushing the button once for each word] NOT! NOW! Judy Hopps: Sir, I don't wanna be a meter maid. I wanna be a real cop. Chief Bogo: [fuming] Do you think the Mayor asked what I wanted when he assigned you to me?! Judy Hopps: But sir, if... Chief Bogo: Life isn't some cartoon musical where you sing a little song and your insipid dreams magically come true! So let-it-go. [Mrs. Otterton enters his office, distressed.] Mrs. Otterton: Chief Bogo, please! Five minutes of your time, please! Benjamin Clawhauser: [Enters the room, catching his breath] I'm sorry sir... I tried to stop her, she's super slippery... [leaves] I gotta go sit down... Chief Bogo: [calmly] Ma'am, as I've told you, we're doing everything we can. Mrs. Otterton: [she shows a picture of herself, Emmitt, and two otter children, one holding a soccer ball.] My husband has been missing for ten days. His name is Emmitt Otterton. Chief Bogo: Yes, I know. [Judy looks at Mrs. Otterton, feeling sorry for her.] Mrs. Otterton: He's a florist. We have two beautiful children. He would never just disappear. Chief Bogo: Ma'am, our detectives are very busy. Mrs. Otterton: Please! There's gotta be somebody to find my Emmitt. Chief Bogo: Mrs. Otterton... Judy Hopps: I will find him. [She gets down off the chair.] Mrs. Otterton: [happily and gratefully] Oh, thank you! [she rushes over to hug Judy] Bless you, bless you little bunny! [Judy, mildly surprised at first, returns the hug, Chief Bogo grunts furiously at her. Mrs. Otterton gives Judy her picture.] Take this, find my Emmitt. Bring him home to me and my babies, please. [Judy nods] Chief Bogo: Ahem! Mrs. Otterton, please wait out here. Mrs. Otterton: [leaves the room] Of course. Oh, thank you both so much. Chief Bogo: One second. [after Mrs. Otterton leaves, Chief Bogo closes the door and turns to Judy, furiously, clenching his teeth] You're fired. Judy Hopps: What? Why? Chief Bogo: Insubordination! Now I'm going to open this door and you're going to tell that otter you're a former meter maid with delusions of grandeur who will not be taking the case! [opens the door revealing Mrs. Otterton with Bellwether] Dawn Bellwether: I just heard Officer Hopps is taking the case! Chief Bogo: [surprised] Assistant Mayor Bellwether! Dawn Bellwether: [takes out her phone and texts] The mammal inclusion initiative is really starting to pay off. Mayor Lionheart is just gonna be so jazzed! Chief Bogo: No, no. Let's not tell the mayor just yet! Dawn Bellwether: And sent it. And it is done. So I did do that. [Chief Bogo face palms, annoyed, grunting; to Judy] All right, well, I'd say the case is in good hands. Us little guys really need to... stick together, right? Judy Hopps: Like glue. Dawn Bellwether: [Laughs] Good one. Yeah. Just call me if you ever need anything, okay? You've always got a friend at City Hall, Judy. Alright. Bye-bye! Judy Hopps: Thank you, ma'am. [Bellwether and Mrs. Otterton leave, Chief Bogo with a fake smile closes the door. He sighs begrudgingly. Judy waits for a response.] Chief Bogo: I will give you 48 hours. Judy Hopps: [stoked and excited] Yes! Chief Bogo: That's two days to find Emmitt Otterton. Judy Hopps: Okay. Chief Bogo: But! You strike out, you resign. Judy Hopps: [enthusiasm drops] Oh. Uh... Okay. Deal. Chief Bogo: Splendid. Clawhauser will give you the complete case file. Scene 14: Otterton's File [Judy goes to Clawhauser's desk, where Clawhauser gives Judy the file.] Clawhauser: Here you go! One missing otter! [Judy opens the file, revealing little information.] Judy Hopps: That's it?! Clawhauser: Yikes! That is the smallest case file I've ever seen. Leads: none, witnesses: none, and you're not in the computer system yet, so resources: none! [Laughs, as Judy's ears droop] Oh, I hope you didn't stake your career on cracking this one! Judy Hopps: [brushes off the donut sprinkles after they fell off the donut] Okay. Last known sighting. [Judy looks at the picture and gets annoyed by the slurping noises. Clawhauser is drinking a bottle of Cub Soda that is totally empty.] Can I just borrow... Thank you. [takes the bottle and uses it as a magnifying glass. Clawhauser still has the straw in his mouth. Judy sees Emmitt holding a Pawpsicle.] Pawpsicle... Clawhauser: [taking the straw out of his mouth] The murder weapon... Judy Hopps: [to herself] "Get your pawpsicle..." Clawhauser: [whispered, slightly waving the straw near Judy's direction, as though understanding] Yeah, 'cause that... what does that mean? Judy Hopps: It means... [she moves the bottle and sees Nick in the background] I have a lead. Scene 15: Judy's Hustle [The scene changes to Nick pushing Finnick in a stroller, who sleeps and snores. He closes the lid after a hippo passerby gives him a look. Judy drives next to them.] Judy Hopps: Hi! Hello! It's me again. Nick Wilde: Hey, it's Officer Toot-toot! Judy Hopps: Ha ha ho... No. Actually, it's Officer Hopps and I'm here to ask you some questions about a case. Nick Wilde: What happened, meter maid? Did someone steal a traffic cone? It wasn't me. [annoyed, Judy blocks the sidewalk, blaring her siren] Hey, Carrots, you're gonna wake the baby. I gotta get to work. Judy Hopps: [hops out of the car with the file and a carrot pen] This is important, sir. I think your ten dollars worth of pawpsicles can wait. Nick Wilde: Ha! I make two hundred bucks a day, Fluff. Three hundred and sixty-five days a year since I was twelve. And time is money. Hop along. Judy Hopps: Please, just look at the picture. [shows a close-up picture of Emmitt] You sold Mr. Otterton that pawpsicle, right? Do you know him? Nick Wilde: I know everybody. [smirks] And I also know that somewhere, there's a toy store missing its stuffed animal. So why don't you get back to your box? Judy Hopps: [her smiles drops, then becomes serious] Fine. Then we'll have to do this the hard way. [in a quick second, a clink is heard, and there is a parking boot attached to Nick's stroller] Nick Wilde: Did you just boot my stroller? Judy Hopps: Nicholas Wilde, you are under arrest! Nick Wilde: [scoffs, amused] For what? [Mockingly] Hurting your feewings? Judy Hopps: [smiles slyly] Felony tax evasion. [Nick's smile drops, flabbergasted, and his eyes widen as Judy writes] Yeeaah... two hundred dollars a day, three hundred and sixty-five days a year since you were twelve, that's two decades, so times twenty which is... one million four hundred sixty thousand - I think, [laughing] I mean I am just a dumb bunny, but we are good at multiplying. Anyway, according to your tax forms, you reported, let me see here, zero! [Nick's face freezes in fear] Unfortunately, lying on a federal form is a punishable offense. Five years jail time. Nick Wilde: Well, it's my word against yours. [Judy pulls out her carrot pen and plays back Nick's confession] Nick Wilde's voice: [Through carrot pen] ...two hundred bucks a day, Fluff. Three hundred and sixty-five days a year since I was twelve. Judy Hopps: Actually, it's your word against yours. And if you want this pen, you're going to help me find this poor missing otter, or the only place you'll be selling pawpsicles is the prison cafeteria. [grins] It's called a hustle, sweetheart. [Nick shows a stunned look] Finnick: She hustled you. [opens the stroller, laughing] She hustled you good! You're a cop now, Nick! You're gonna need one of these. [slaps his police sticker on Nick's shirt; Nick frowns] Have fun working with the fuzz! [leaves still laughing] Judy Hopps: [to Nick] Start talking. Nick Wilde: [sighs] I don't know where he is, I only saw where he went. Judy Hopps: Great! Let's go! [gets in her car] Nick Wilde: [grins] It's not exactly a place for a cute little bunny. Judy Hopps: [annoyed] Don't call me cute! Get in the car! Nick Wilde: [smirking] Okay, you're the boss. [joins Judy] Scene 16: The Mystic Spring Oasis [Judy and Nick enter a room resembling one from the 70s. They walk up to a yak named Yax meditating behind his desk. Flies are buzzing around his head.] Yax: Ohm... Ohm... Ohm... Judy Hopps: Ahem. Hi. Uh, hello. Yax: [loudly] Ohm... Ohm... Ohm... Judy Hopps: Hello? Hello? Hello! [Yax comes out of his meditation, shaking his head, making the flies buzz around his head. He removes his hair from his eyes, looks down, and sees Judy] Yax: Hmm? Judy: Hello! My name is... Yax: Ohhh, y'know, I'm gonna hit the pause button right there, 'cause we're all good on bunny scout cookies. Judy Hopps: Uh, nooooo. I'm Officer Hopps, ZPD. I'm looking for a missing mammal; Emmitt Otterton, right here, who may have frequented this establishment? [takes out the Otterton picture and shows it to Yax. He looks at it, inhales, and sneezes] Yax: Yeah, old Emmitt! [chuckles, handing the picture back to Judy, who wipes off the germs.] Haven't seen him in a couple of weeks. But hey, you should talk to his yoga instructor. I'd be happy to take you back. [walks up to some doors as Judy and Nick follow] Judy Hopps: Oh thank you so much, I'd appreciate that more than you can imagine, it'd be such an - [Judy sees Yax's rear end, showing that he's completely naked; she covers her eyes] OHHHH, you are naked! Yax: Huh? Oh, for sure, we're a naturalist club! [chuckles] Nick Wilde: Yeah, in Zootopia, anyone can be anything. And these guys? They be naked. [Judy seems disturbed by it, Yax opens the doors.] Yax: Nangi's just on the other side of the pleasure pool. [Judy's eyes widen and her jaw drops in horror at the sight of naked animals lying around a pool. She covers her mouth and Nick seems to be enjoying Judy's horrified reaction. We see hippos playing ball in the pool, bears scratching their backs against the trees, similar to Baloo from The Jungle Book, and pigs wallowing in the mud.] Nick Wilde: Oh boy. Does this make you uncomfortable? Because if so, there's no shame in calling it quits. Judy Hopps: [snaps out of it and enters the club] Yes, there is. Nick Wilde: [sarcastically; follows her] Boy, that's the spirit. [Some hippos are playing volleyball with giraffes. They serve and the giraffe hits it, hitting the ground. As Judy and Nick follow Yax, she seems uncomfortable at the sight of nudeness. She sees a panther licking his leg, and a giraffe drinking from a fountain showing his rear end.] Yax: Yeah, some mammals say the naturalist life is weird, but you know what I say is weird? Clothes on animals! [Yax leads Judy and Nick to an elephant leading a yoga class. Judy winces.] Here we go. As you can see, Nangi's an elephant, so she'll totally remember everything. Hey, Nangi! These dudes have some questions about Emmitt the Otter. Nangi: Who? Yax: Uh, Emmitt Otterton. Been coming to your yoga class for, like, six years. [Judy shows the picture while trying to avoid looking at her nudeness.] Nangi: I have no memory of this beaver. Judy Hopps: He's an otter, actually. Yax: He was here a couple of Wednesdays ago, remember? Nangi: No. Yax: Yeah, he was wearing a green cable-knit sweater vest and a new pair of corduroy slacks. [Judy starts taking notes] Oh, and a Paisley tie, sweet Windsor knot. Real tight. Remember that, Nangi? Nangi: No. Yax: Yeah, and we both walked him out, and he got into this big old white car with a silver trim. Needed a tune-up, the third cylinder wasn't firing. Remember that, Nangi? Nangi: Nope. Judy Hopps: Um, uh, you didn't happen to catch the license plate number... did you? Yax: Oh, for sure. It was 2-9-T-H-D-0-3. [Nick seems amazed at Nangi's flexibility and looks at Judy's notes, and briefly nods] Judy Hopps: [writing it down] ...0-3. Wow, this is a lot of great info, thank you. Yax: Told you Nangi has a mind like a steel trap. I wish I had a memory like an elephant. Scene 17: Running the Plate [Judy and Nick leave the Oasis; Nick turns to Judy, straightening his tie] Nick Wilde: Well, I had a ball. You are welcome for the clue, and seeing as how any moron can run a plate, I will take that pen and bid you adieu. [holds out his hand for the pen] Judy Hopps: The plate. I can't run a plate. Ooh... I'm not in the system yet. Nick Wilde: [impatient] Give me the pen, please... Judy Hopps: [turns to Nick, smiling slyly] What was it you said? "Any moron can run a plate"? Gosh, if only there were a moron around who were up to the task. Nick Wilde: [frustrated] Rabbit, I did what you asked! You can't keep me on the hook forever. Judy Hopps: Not forever. Well, I only have 36 hours left to solve this case. So can you run the plate or not? Nick Wilde: [glares at Judy, then grins] Actually, I just remembered, I have a pal at the DMV. Scene 18: The DMV [Judy and Nick drive up and enter the Department of Mammal Vehicles, DMV] Nick Wilde: Flash is the fastest guy in there. You need something done, he's on it. Judy Hopps: I hope so. We are really fighting the clock and every minute counts. [Judy notices that all of the workers are sloths] Wait, they're all... sloths? [The sloths are working slowly, stamping papers, stapling papers, and taking license pictures, irritating the customers.] Judy Hopps: You said this was gonna be quick! Nick Wilde: [in mock surprise] What, are you saying that because he's a sloth he can't be fast? I thought in Zootopia anyone could be anything. [they walk up to Flash] Flash, Flash, hundred yard dash! Buddy, it's nice to see ya. Flash Slothmore: Nice to... see you... too. Nick Wilde: Hey, Flash, I'd love you to meet my friend... [to Judy] Uh, darling, I've forgotten your name. [Judy gives Nick a look] Judy Hopps: Hmmm. Officer Judy Hopps, ZPD. How are you? Flash Slothmore: I am... doing... just... Judy Hopps: Fine? Flash Slothmore: ...as well... as... I can... be. Judy Hopps: Hmm. Flash Slothmore: What... Nick Wilde: [to Judy] Hang in there. Flash Slothmore: ...can I... do... Judy Hopps: Well, I was hoping you could run a plate... Flash Slothmore: ...for you... Judy Hopps: Well, I was hoping you could... Flash Slothmore: ...today? [Judy waits a moment to see if Flash is finished saying his sentence.] Judy Hopps: Well, I was hoping you could run a plate for us. We are in a really big hurry. Flash Slothmore: Sure. What's the... plate... Judy Hopps: 2-9-T... Flash Slothmore: ...number? Judy Hopps: 2-9-T-H-D-0-3. [After a moment of pause, Flash slowly types the number on his computer as slow as possible.] Flash Slothmore: 2... 9... Judy Hopps: T-H-D-0-3. Flash Slothmore: ...T... Judy Hopps: [Her ears droop] H-D-0-3. Flash Slothmore: ...H... Judy Hopps: D-0-3. Flash Slothmore: ... D... Judy Hopps: Mm-hm, 0. 3. Flash Slothmore: ...0... Judy Hopps: [desperately] 3! [Judy anxiously waits. As Flash is about to type the last number, Nick interrupts.] Nick Wilde: Hey, Flash, wanna hear a joke? Judy Hopps: [to Nick] No! Flash Slothmore: Sure. [Judy groans in annoyance] Nick Wilde: Okay. What do you call a three-humped camel? Flash Slothmore: I don't... know. What do... you call... a... Judy Hopps: [losing her patience, trying to move the joke along] Three-humped camel. Flash Slothmore: ...three-humped... camel? Nick Wilde: Pregnant! [laughs, elbowing Judy, who has an annoyed look and briefly glares at Nick. Flash slowly smiles and laughs slowly] Flash Slothmore: Ha... Ha... Heh... Judy Hopps: Ha ha! Yes, very funny, very funny. Can we please just focus on the task? Flash Slothmore: [turns the other way] Hey... Judy Hopps: [caught by surprise] Wait, wait, wait! Flash Slothmore: ...Priscilla. [Priscilla turns to him, slowly] Judy Hopps: Oh, no! Priscilla Tripletoe: Yes... Flash? Flash Slothmore: What... do... Judy Hopps: [exhales a small gasp] No...! Flash Slothmore: ...you call... Judy Hopps: [over Flash] A three humped camel? Pregnant! Flash Slothmore: ...a three... Judy Hopps: Okay! Great! We got it! Please just... Flash Slothmore: ...humped... [Judy growls in frustration, bangs her head on the counter. Much later, the paper prints out; Flash slowly gets it out and slowly hands it to Judy] Flash Slothmore: Here... Judy Hopps: Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah, hurry. Flash Slothmore: ...you... Judy Hopps: [hastily grabs the paper] Thank you! 2-9-T-H-D-0-3... Flash Slothmore: ...go. Judy Hopps: It's registered to... Tundratown Limo Service! A limo took Otterton! And the limo's in Tundratown! [quickly runs out] It's in Tundratown! Nick Wilde: [to Flash] Way to hustle, bud. I love ya! I owe ya! [Judy and Nick walk out of the DMV] Judy Hopps: Hurry! We gotta beat the rush hour and... [looks outside, shocked and a cricket, offscreen, chirps] It's night?! [her voice echoes.] Scene 19: Tundratown Limo Service [The scene changes to the Tundratown Limo Service. Judy tugs on the lock on the gate.] Judy Hopps: Closed! Great. Nick Wilde: Hm. And I will betcha you don't have a warrant to get in, hmm? Darn it. It's a bummer. Judy Hopps: You wasted the day on purpose! Nick Wilde: Madam, [points to his police sticker] I have a fake badge. I would never impede your pretend investigation. Judy Hopps: It's not a "pretend investigation". [takes out the Otterton picture] Look, see? See him? This otter is missing. Nick Wilde: Well, then they should've gotten a real cop to find him. Judy Hopps: [really upset, puts the picture away] What is your problem? Does seeing me fail somehow make you feel better about your own sad, miserable life? Nick Wilde: It does, 100%. [grins] Now, since you're sans warrant, I guess we're... done? Judy Hopps: [sighs] Fine. We are done. [holds out her pen] Here's your pen. [grinning, Nick starts to grab the pen, until Judy throws it over the other side of the fence] Nick Wilde: Hey! [the pen lands in the snow] First off, you throw like a bunny. Second, you're a very sore loser. [starts climbing the fence] See you later, Officer Fluff! So sad this is over. I wish I could've helped more! [Nick jumps down, but is shocked to find Judy before him, holding the pen] Judy Hopps: The thing is, [camera zooms out, revealing Judy dug underneath the fence] you don't need a warrant if you have probable cause, and I'm pretty sure I saw a shifty lowlife climbing the fence. So you're helping plenty! Come on! [heads off, smiling cheekily, with Nick glaring at her. Judy uses her phone light and wipes the snow off the license plate] 2-9-T-H-D-0-3... This is it! [Nick opens the passenger door and Judy opens the driver's door. Cold mist comes out from the car. Judy looks around the pedal and the brake and sees a strand of white hair. She picks it up with a pair of tweezers.] Polar bear fur. [Nick nods, rolling his eyes, then opens the glove compartment. He suddenly jumps back in alarm.] Nick Wilde: Oh my God! Judy Hopps: What? What?! [Nick takes out a bunch of CDs] Nick Wilde: The velvety pipes of Jerry Vole! [grins, Judy looks at him annoyed, puts the polar bear fur in a plastic bag] But on CD. Who still uses CDs? [tosses the CDs back] [Nick opens the door revealing the back. He gets spooked.] Nick Wilde: Carrots? If your otter was here, he had a very bad day. [Judy goes to take a look. The back is ripped and claw marks are shown everywhere.] Judy Hopps: Those are... claw marks. You ever seen anything like this? Nick Wilde: No. [Judy looks around and sees a wallet] Judy Hopps: Oh, wait. Look! [Judy and Nick hop down. Judy looks at the wallet, seeing Mr. Otterton's picture] This is him. Emmitt Otterton. He was definitely here. What do you think happened? [Nick looks around and sees a cup. He picks it up and sees a fancy B imprinted on it] Nick Wilde: Oh now, wait a minute. Polar bear fur, rat-pack music, fancy cup... [Nick shows signs of fear, and starts putting the cup back and organizing the cups frantically] I know whose car this is, we gotta go! Judy Hopps: Why? Whose car is it? Nick Wilde: The most feared crime boss in Tundratown. They call him Mr. Big, and he does not like me, so we gotta go! Judy Hopps: I'm not leaving. This is a crime scene. Nick Wilde: [grabs Judy and starts to head out] Well, it's gonna be an even bigger crime scene if Mr. Big finds me here so we're leaving right now! [Nick opens the door where two polar bears are waiting outside] Oh gah! Raymond! And is that Kevin? Long time no see! And speaking of "no see", how about you forget you saw me? Huh? For old time's sake? [Raymond and Kevin grab Judy and Nick by their necks] That's a no. Scene 20: Mr. Big [They pull them off and they drive off in a limo. Judy and Nick are between them in stunned, wide-eyed silence. Raymond is looking through pictures on his phone. He looks at one, a selfie showing both of them smiling at the camera while holding a wolf in a headlock, and chuckles. Judy looks away from the pictures.] Judy Hopps: [whispers] What did you do that made Mr. Big so mad at you? Nick Wilde: [whispers] I, um... I may have sold him a very expensive wool rug that was made from the fur of a skunk...'s butt. [Judy briefly looks at him with a shocked look on her face] Judy Hopps: Oh, sweet cheese and crackers. [The limo drives up to a house and a polar bear closes the driveway. The polar bears take Judy and Nick to a room and no one seems to be there. They pushed them forward. Another polar bear enters the room.] Judy Hopps: [whispers] Is that Mr. Big? Nick Wilde: [whispers] No. [Another polar bear enters the room] Judy Hopps: What about him? Is that him? Nick Wilde: No! [A third polar bear, Koslov, larger than the others, enters the room and walks to the desk] Judy Hopps: [gasps at the sight of him] That's gotta be him. Nick Wilde: Stop talking, stop talking, stop talking! [Koslov sits with his hands on the desk. His hands reveal a tiny chair. He turns it around revealing Mr. Big who is a shrew] Judy Hopps: Huh. Nick Wilde: Mr. Big, sir, this is a simple misunder... [Mr. Big grunts and holds out his hand, showing a ring on his finger] Oh! [Nick kisses the ring] This is a simple misunderstanding. Mr. Big: [grunts; speaking in a Marlon Brando Godfather style voice] You come here unannounced on the day my daughter is to be married. Nick Wilde: Well, actually, we were brought here against our will, so... [laughs nervously; Mr. Big gives him a look.] Point is, I-I did not know that it was your car, and I certainly did not know about your daughter's wedding! Mr. Big: I trusted you, Nicky. I welcomed you into my home. [Nick hangs his head in shame and guilt] We broke bread together. Grandmama made you a cannoli. [shows a picture of an elderly shrew] And how did you repay my generosity? With a rug. Made from the butt of a skunk. A

Thinks onions smell as good as her

Tori

onions smell like cheese

Tori

its everyday bro

With that Disney channel flow

fortnite

a survival game played on a game console such as an Xbox that is dead and will probably stop being installed on any devices across the face of the earth

pencil

a thin cylindrical pointed writing implement

meme

an idea, behavior, or style that spreads from person to person within a culture

onion el lambo

ay ay ay

yuh

aye

disney channel

cancer 2

nickelodeon

cancer 3

nicolas cage

cancer 4

ali a

cancer 5

any modern day rapper

cancer 6

cancerous meme

cancer 7

jake paul

cancer and suspected sociopath but he isnt because i watch shane dawson and i know

えぐ

delicious breakthroughs of deep sea squeeze

halloween

eve of All Saints' Day and it today and we get onions and candy for nothing because america

You would not believe your eyes If ten million fireflies Lit up the world as I fell asleep 'Cause they fill the open air And leave teardrops everywhere You'd think me rude but I would just stand and stare I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep 'Cause everything is never as it seems 'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs From ten thousand lightning bugs As they tried to teach me how to dance A foxtrot above my head A sock hop beneath my bed A disco ball is just hanging by a thread (thread, thread) I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep 'Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep) Leave my door open just a crack Please take me away from here 'Cause I feel like such an insomniac Please take me away from here Why do I tire of counting sheep Please take me away from here When I'm far too tired to fall asleep To ten million fireflies I'm weird cause I hate goodbyes I got misty eyes as they said farewell (said farewell) But I'll know where several are If my dreams get real bizarre 'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar (jar, jar) I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep 'Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep) I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep 'Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)

fireflies

thinks onions make people emotionally unstable and fuel the urge of being depressed

gartz

hit or miss, I guess they never miss (huh), you got a boyfriend, I bet he doesn't kiss yeah, (mwah) He gon' find another girl that he won't miss yeah, he gon' skrrt and hit the dab like Wiz Khalifa

hit or miss

love

i have none

lol

idk totes relates am i right girlsss

thicc

im not this

hi sisters

james charles

hairline

jojo siwa has none

moth

lets get this lamp

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now, wait till you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I never get bored Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid All that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show, on get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas? I need to get myself away from this place I said yep what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go (go!) You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

love

All around me are familiar faces Worn out places, worn out faces Bright and early for their daily races Going nowhere, going nowhere Their tears are filling up their glasses No expression, no expression Hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow No tomorrow, no tomorrow And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take When people run in circles it's a very very Mad world, mad world Children waiting for the day, they feel good Happy birthday, happy birthday Made to feel the way that every child should Sit and listen, sit and listen Went to school and I was very nervous No one knew me, no one knew me Hello teacher, tell me what's my lesson Look right through me, look right through me And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take When people run in circles it's a very very Mad world, mad world Enlarge your world Mad world

mad world

shane dawson

master of suspense

thanos onion

me

thinks onions deserve a mark

mr lovelace

omae wa mou shindeiru

nani