PSC 151 Final Exam: Lecture 16 - Attraction/Relationships

"How dumb can he/she be?" in choosing a partner. Male vs. Female differences

Women need increasing levels of intelligence to date, have sex with, date steady, and marry a man. Men, on the other hand, will accept a lower level of intelligence to have sex with you than to date you. Men are not as concerned with intelligence as much as women are in concern to sex

How does male vs. female perceive the importance of the financial status of their mate when selecting a partner?

Women rate financial status almost universally more important than men rate it. However, these differences are shrinking dramatically as of recent. Having 2 incomes is becoming more and more critical...men are more and more concerned with the financial status of their partners. AGAIN, this difference is much greater in countries where women have less access to resources.

What does secrecy have to do with attraction?

"the commonest thing is delightful if only one hides it" - something alluring about secret relationships - allure seems to wear off after secrecy is gone. - Wegner has attempted to study this in the laboratory: Wegner's Footsie Study

Explain the Parental Investment Hypothesis (Trivers, 1985)

*Females usually make a greater biological investment* Ex: female humans are more choosy because they have to make more of a sacrifice for the baby. Males do not make a high investment in every child. Ex: A man may have 100 children in a year, but a woman can only have up to 2 or so. Women get to make fewer choices, and childbirth can be risky, especially in ancestral times. ---Highter evolutionary investment..more to lose by unwise mating..taking care of infants/having infants is hard/you have a period of reduced period of fertility. ---Females are looking for mates that they can rely on for HELP, who are going to help them for at least that critical period of time. Someone who will provide, who will stick around and help. *Males look for beauty to a greater extent* Males, on the other hand, are mostly looking for physical beauty....they look for cues to fertility, for someone who will be able to produce a child. (but both sexes value beauty...for females, symmetry is what is healthy). There is a certain hip to waist ratio that indicates fertility cues. *Implications of this (according to Travers)* --these mating strategies (all species)...whatever sex has a higher investment is going to be choosier about a mate. -- for humans: relationship preferences, basis for attraction, dating styles, etc.

What are ways to restore equity if we perceive that we do not have it in a relationship (related to equity theory)?

*We Assume that*: Over-benefitted or under-benefitted people feel the need to restore equity in the relationship because they feel psychological stress. *Over-benefitted people*: use physiological restoration to create equity (by over-valuing their own inputs and under-valuing their partner's inputs) or they may use ACUTAL restoration (provide more input to change the relationship, or take less) *Disadvantaged person*: may use physiological restoration (by believing that their disadvantaged position is deserved, they downgrade their own inputs and exaggerate the value of the over-advantaged person). or they may use ACTUAL restoration in the relationship (by either demanding more outcomes from the advantaged person, or by contributing less themselves). *And finally, they may exit the relationship if they cannot make the relationship equitable*

What is the probability of a man vs. a woman in consenting to sexual intercourse?

- After 1 hr, women are already kind of willing to have sex...women take about a week. - women and men don't report to be equally willing to engage in intercourse until 5 years post meeting. 5 YEARS!

What is the impact of Positive Illusions on a relationship?

- Having positive illusions of your partner helps to maintain a good relationship. - we often have overly positive beliefs about our partner's attributes - May positively interpret bad attributes - When our partners idealize us, we are more committed to the relationship. - Attributional biases: standard self-serving biases applied to partner (ex: if they do something bad it is due to situational factors) "you don't have a weak chin dear, you have a confident overbite" - Accuracy is not good! *This is a strong being of relationship success! Give them the benefit of the doubt!*

What are the gender differences in response to inequality in the relationship?

- Men are most likely to feel angry/resentful when they are underbenefitted, but report guilt when they are over benefitted. - Women, on the other hand, are also angered by perceived inequality, but are more likely to express that anger when they are feeling over-benefitted, and are more likely to feel depressed or sad when they feel under-benefitted. *Unequal involvement between partners in a relationship is a strong predictor of breakup*

What are the differences between male/female and the number of sexual partners they desire?

- Men desire many more partners than women - this is true everywhere

What is Rusbult's Investment model?

- Rusbult says that the previous 2 models do not adequately explain why people often stay in relationships even when things are not going well (either in short term, or long term) Ex: unhappy marriages, battered women syndrome...why don't these ppl leave? A key variable that these other models have not considered is INVESTMENT. This investment in the relationship creates inertia. If you're invested in a relationship, it is going to take a lot more to get you out of that relationship. Satisfaction are just one of the determinants of if you will be staying in the relationship. Other determinants are quality of alternatives, and investment level. These three variables all contribute to COMMITMENT, and COMMITMENT is ultimately what indicates if a relationship is going to fall apart or stay together. *Satisfaction + Investment - Alternatives = Commitment Level*

What happened in Wegner's Footsie Study?

- Study to look at the allure of secretive relationships. He thought that thought suppression, just as that would make you think about the thing more, a secretive relationship would make you think about the person more. ironic nature of thought suppression...argued that this could create a preoccupation with a person if you are trying to suppress evidence of a relationships or of an attraction. - 96 male-female couples, played card game against another couple. - Key conditions: (1) contact, secret - can't be seen ---so that you'd have to do something like play footsie (2) contact, non-secret (3) no contact --RESULT: most attraction in secret contact condition. Wegner argues that because contact must be hidden and open feelings suppressed, increases pre-occupation with the partner (Like thought suppression). "secret" subjects reported greater pre-occupation with partner This is a fun study, but not the most water tight study because most people probably already understand what it means to play footsie with someone under a table. So it could be the secretive nature of it, or it could be that this is a behavior that has taken on a specific meaning already.

What do the studies of want ads show about what each sex wants in a partner?

- Women focus more on their own attractiveness and look for financial stability in their man - Men focus on their financial stability and looks for beauty in their woman. -They advertise themselves differently. ---These are RELATIVE differences.

What is the relationship between financial well being and attractiveness?

- financial well being depends on attractiveness : those deamed attractive earn 10-15% more per year over...over the course of a lifetime, 230,000 dollars. - One study found that unattractiveness results in a 5-10% drop in income compared to being average, and attractiveness yields a 3-8% increase in income. - results based on ratings of high school yearbook pictures...how attractive people are perceived by strangers in high school predicts their income 35 years later. this is scary stuff! - This study controlled for IQ, class rank, educational attainment, marital status, etc.

Are there differences between gay and straight men/women and their attitudes about sex?

- gay men and straight men have very similar attitudes about sex - lesbian and straight women have very similar attitudes about sex *Shows us that it's not the sex of the person to whom you are attracted that matters.* There seems to be something biological about being a man or woman that is true, regardless of sexual orientation

Explain Dutton & Aron's 1974 Excitation-Transfer Theory

- idea that arousal can be misattributed and interpreted as attraction - experimenter interviews ppl on bridge or right after the bridge...more likely to call her if she interviewed them while they were on the bridge. Subjects misattributed nervousness for attraction.

Why wouldn't men just try to have as many partners as possible?

- in reality, it is NOT always in the best interest of the male to mate indiscriminately. (Such actions could make other females think "stay away from this guy"...you would also be more likely to be subject to aggression from other males. What strategy should a male follow then? Should they be monogamous of just give the impression of being monogamous Arms race between men and women...if men are deceitful, this could make women better at detecting lying...arms race between the ability to cheat without being detected and the ability to detect cheaters has developed. As these skills have developed, it has implications for the success of certain genetic traits. These days there are other implications, like jail time and paying for the baby.

How does physical beauty play into what we determine to be attractive?

- one of the most powerful determinants of attractiveness is physical beauty - it is not physical beauty alone, but we have stereotypes about people who are beautiful that make these people even more appealing "What is beautiful is good" - HALO EFFECT - *Halo Effect*: that attractive people have other valuable properties: social competence, happy, assertive, personal adjustment, intellectual competence, integrity, concern for others Physical attractiveness provides a warm halo of pomposity. Misattribution from the physical beauty. We see the effects of these perceptions of attractive/unattractive people in: Moral judgments Mock and real jury decisions (more likely to be convicted/longer sentence if unattractive) Evaluations of political candidates (attractive candidates are more successful) Student Evaluations of professors (attractiveness of professor indicates higher positive reviews) once we decide that we like someone, we start to focus on the positives and don't focus on the negatives. sign of a healthy relationship...also, attractive kids get treated differently. Attractive kids may develop social skills more quickly than other people do.

What has been the evaluation of social exchange theory?

- received a great deal of support. Certainly people like relationships where they have good benefits and few bad things. - But social exchange theory really falls apart where societies are unequal. Fairness is important, people are uncomfortable if one of the partners is doing everything and they are not doing enough. (People sensitive to hot their cost/benefit ration compares to that experiences by the other person: something not considered by social exchange theory).

Is there stereotype that attractive people are more socially poised and does this involve a self fulfilling prophecy?

- remember the study where men and women talk on the phone, and if the men think that they are talking to an attractive woman than they are friendlier and have better conversation? He is nicer to her because he thinks she is attractive, and in return the woman is nice back. easy to be socially poised when people like you. - As people are friendlier to more attractive others, they have more opportunity to engage with those people in a positive setting. - it is difficult to say if it is a self fulfilling process because it is difficult to study and it is difficult to observe in the real world. However it is safe to say that at least some of the time, these expectations/prophecies do impact us. In the real world it is hard to tell.

How does the "market value" of attraction effect who we think will be a good partner?

- the is a positive market value of being with an attractive partner - If your partner has a highly valued commodity, it makes you look good! - Men who are dating attractive women are deemed to be more desirable than the same man if they are dating unattractive women. - Inference process -- if this guy is dating a really attractive woman, they must have a lot going for them. - For a woman, she is judged not based upon the attractiveness of her mate, but based on her own attractiveness and if her male partner is wealthy. Its a cue to other people. For women, the physical attractiveness of their mate does not matter as much. - If you have a certain kind of partner, you are going to be seen in a particular way that may be beneficial to you.

How to gender differences vary by culture?

- the strength of the difference in genders varies by culture but it is pretty much always there. - Different preferences for... number of sexual partners short v. long term sexual relationships age of partner physical appearence importance of financial stability *remember: for both men and women, honesty and trustworthiness are the most important things. Good personality, good looks, and financial stability are also important but they come LATER*

What are the preferred age differences of men vs. women in their partner?

- true everywhere in the world - women generally want men who are 5-10 years older, and men generally want women who are 5-10 years younger. - Men & women are generally looking for the same thing! Preference of age difference is smaller where the earning power of men and women is more equal...where you see the biggest disparity in age preference in societies where women do not have the ability to provide for themselves...they want men who are old enough that they can provide for them financially. Ex: less of an age difference in scandinavia

Would you _____ with a stranger? (what are the male vs. female differences)

- women are reasonably likely to go out with a stranger, but they will not go home or go to bed with them - men are more likely to want to go to bed with a stranger than to go out with a stranger.

What are the sociological factors that play into the differences in partner preferences between men and women?

1. *Women generally have less power* - they are physically smaller, less able to take what they want. Often, they have less access to resources (job/money). They face discrimination...so it is rational for them to seek powerful men (however "powerful" is defined) In cultures where there is more equity, women value earning potential less. (but this has no effect on men's values..they don't devalue attractiveness, but they value the earning potential more) 2. *Social Learning*: This is what we are taught to value. Begs the question: Where did these values come from? Disney Princesses...women are usually falling in love with a prince who is going to fix their circumstances. Men are taught that they should be seeking beauty and women are taught that they should be looking beautiful to get the man. Biological & sociocultural reasons that this is the way that things are

What effect does having a relationship with someone have on your health?

1. Cancer survival effect: social support = live longer if they have cancer (does not have to be romantic relationships) 2. Married men aged 45-64 have HALF the death rate as single men! Even when controlling for income, smoking, drinking, and obesity. (less important for women...because women tend to maintain groups of friends when men don't. Men, if they are not in a relationship, tend to be by themselves and get into trouble). [additionally, when men are single they have less healthy habits, drink more, eat worse] 3. 4 yr survival by merital quality: with ppl eith congestive heart failure, 80% of the people in good marriages are alive 4 yrs later, while 50% of those ppl in bad marriages are alive 4 yrs later. But you are better being unhappily married than not at all 4. Coronary bypass study that looked at if surgery patients are still alive 15 yrs later: most likely to be alive if in a happy relationship, then an unhappy marriage, then no marriage (biggest death rate). 5. Not as much of a health benefit for women (women have more sources of intimacy..social groups can be a buffer for both women and men). Male friendships don't get the same respect that female friendships do. We are ambivalent about male relationships.Being in an UNHAPPY marriage can be COSTLY for women, where as even an unhappy marriage would help men. 6. In worst case scenario, pets can help! (good for blood pressure, cardiovascular health)

What are the three general models that we use when judging how we feel about our longer term relationships?

1. Social Exchange theory 2. Equity Theory 3. Rusbult's investment model

Why does similarity matter?

1. We expect that people who are similar to us will also like us. Increases the probability of initiating contact (probably the oldest strategy in the book if you are meeting someone is find something that you have in common) 2. Others who are similar to us validate our own views/actions/experiences. It feel good to have someone validate our views and confirms that we are in the right. 3. Disagreement is aversive. (it is difficult for people to get along if people have strong views that are different from their partner's views.

What changes between relationship preferences of the males/females when women are ovulating?

1. When ovulating, women: Tend more to own appearance Feel more attractive, powerful in relationships Become more interested in physical attractiveness (markers of genetic fitness, at least in ancestral times) Become more likely to cheat (if you can get robust genes and then go back to the safe, trustworthy guy, it is all the better. But only women who considered their partner unattractive in the first place become more likely to cheat). When women ovulate, they are looking for a mating partner, not a life partner. They become more interested in casual sex during this time. They are interested in genes.... 2. When women are ovulating, Men: Become more mate-guarding & jealous More attentive to the needs of their women *All of this happens, even when neither party is monitoring the menstrual cycle* But these changes are NOT Present when women are on the pill because there is no hormone change. Everything happens chemically. These changes only happen when reproduction is possible.

Which expression is supported by research on attraction? A. Birds of a feather flock together B. opposites attract C. Neither A nor B D. Both A and B

A. Birds of a feather flock together

According to social exchange theory. who will be the happiest in the relationship? A. Janet, who feels she has invested little in the relationship but gets much in return B. Jeff, who feels he has put in a lot into the relationship for relatively little gain. C. Jack, who feels that both he and his partner Jenn contribute equally to the relationship

A. Janet, who feels she has invested little in the relationship but gets much in return

According to equity theory. who will be the happiest in their relationship? A. Janet, who feels she has invested little in the relationship but gets much in return B. Jeff, who feels he has put in a lot into the relationship for relatively little gain. C. Jack, who feels that both he and his partner Jenn contribute equally to the relationship

C. Jack, who feels that both he and his partner Jenn contribute equally to the relationship

What is important to consider when determining whether someone is likely to leave a relationship? A. hoe satisfied they are in the relationship B. what they think of the alternatives to the current relationship C. How much they have invested in the relationship D. all of the above

D. All of the above

Which of the following is NOT a reason that similarity appears to be an important factor in attraction? A. we think similar others will like us B. Similar others validate our own beliefs C. We make negative inferences about those who disagree with us D. All of the above are reasons why similarity appears to be important in attraction

D. All of the above are reasons why similarity appears to be important in attraction

When evaluating a relationship, which of the following id NOT a concern according to social exchange theory? A. rewards of the relationship B. costs of the relationship C. What you deserve and/or could have with someone else besides your current partner D. Equality and fairness between partners

D. Equality and fairness between partners (this does not matter in SOCIAL EXCHANGE theory)

What is the power of attractiveness in the choosing of potential partners? (what study was done to test this)

Elaine (Walster) Hatfield 1966 did the *mother of all blind date* studies. - invited 752 students to the gym at the university of minnesota. Each of the 752 had provided photographs and had been individually judged for their attractiveness beforehand. Paired them up randomly, and after their date, they had them evaluate the person that they were on the "blind date with" - The study found that the best predictor they could measure impacting interest in future interaction was *physical attractiveness*. If you were paired with someone who was good looking, you were more likely to want to meet up with them later. - This study has been replicated many times, and it is a robust phenomenon. For example, the same thing is true with gay couples (Sergios & Cody 1985)

What is equity theory when talking about long term relationships?

Equity: a condition in which the outcomes people receive from a relationship are proportional to what they contribute. *Note that equitable outcomes does not always mead equal outcomes* YOU GET BACK WHAT YOU PUT IN The equity principle of attraction: you get out what you put in. if one person is getting more or less than they put in, they will feel that the relationship is unfair. If both feel their outcomes correspond to the assets and efforts each contributes, then both perceive equity.

What predicts bad relationships/divorce? WHO does the major research on this?

Gottman has done the major research on what indicates divorce.He calls them the 4 HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE 1. CRITICISM: deliver it in a lighthearted way. Critical is okay, but not mean. 2. DEFENSIVENESS 3. STONE-WALLING: where you no longer want to share your emotional experience because you feel vulnerable. This is particularly bad when men do it! 4. CONTEMPT: particularly when women do it...its bad/predictive of relationship ending. *Ratio of Positive to Negative Interactions is important* if you maintain a ratio of 5:1, your relationship will probably be okay. When this ratio drops to 1:1 or something like that, Gottman calls this a "cascade to divorce" Based on 2-3 min video clips of couples discussing a difficult problem, Gottman can predict with 93% accuracy if they will get divorced. But we have to ask: do these behaviors cause bad relationships or are these behaviors symptomatic of bad relationships? Not Clear --- Sherman thinks that it is a negativity cycle, and that a bad relationship causes the 4 horsemen, as well as the 4 horsemen causing the bad relationship

How does the Parental investment hypothesis play out across non-human species?

In cross-species patterns of sexual behavior, in cases where the female makes the greater sacrifice, the female is more selective. Males are almost always more promiscious & aggressive in courtship. Except in species where males make the larger investment, males are larger, more colorful, have more intricate songs. These patterns are REVERSED in species where the MALES make the bigger investment in parenting. *Pattern is reversed among "oddball" species* in which males have greater investment.

What are the gender differences in regard to how much attractiveness matters in the choosing of potential partners? (is it true that men attend more to physical attractiveness?)

Larger differences on self reports than in actual behavior Self report vs. actual behavior: on self-report, men often, although not always, say that physical attractiveness is of high importance to them, and on self report women are less likely to say that physical attractiveness is important. However, in terms of how men and women actually behave, these preference differences are much smaller. Women say that they are not interested in physical attractiveness, but they often are. Women are often less willing to admit that physical features are important to them. (Plus you always see the couples with the really old man and the younger woman)

What are gender misunderstandings when we look at how males/females respond to problems?

Males and Females approach problems differently. Responses to personal struggles are different. *Women are more likely to frame issues with*: understanding, acceptance, share similar emotions (but men would think that she is denying the uniqueness of their feelings), failing to help solve the problem *Men are more likely to*: concentrate on problem solving Women think that this approach is uncaring. More task oriented. Want to hear that their feelings are unique SMALL AND RELATIVE DIFFERENCES

What does Reciprocal liking have to do with our attraction to someone?

Reciprocal liking is one of the most potent determinants of deciding if you like a person. It is important if you think that the other person likes or does not like you Self-fulfilling prophecy if we think that someone likes us. We will be nicer to people if we think that they like us, so they are nice back, and everyone is being nice to each other. Moderated by self esteem - occasionally you find people with low self-esteem who prefer to get negative feedback from their partners. They are seeking *self-verification*.

Explain social exchange theory as an approach to longer term relationships

Social exchange theory looks at these relationships from basically a strictly economic approach. - The idea is that everyone is trying to buy the best relationship they can get for their emotional dollar. - The best relationship, using this approach, is one where you do not have to invest very much emotionally, etc into relationship and your partner does all the work.Your partner cares more, gives more. - Key Factors: -----Comparison of Benefits and Costs (both intrinsic and extrinsic): status, interesting friends, etc. Global outcome (how it feels, etc_ -----Comparison Levels: we compare our current relationship to past ones in deciding if we are getting a good deal, we compare to alternatives, we compare to what we think we deserve. Do we think that we can do better? If we think we can do better, than we will be unhappy.

What did Trivers argue about sex differences in selecting partners?

Trivers said that the sex that invests more in offspring will be more choosy about potential mates than the sex that invests less in offspring..

In terms of attraction, is it more true that "birds of a feather flock together" or "opposites attract"?

We may be temporarily attracted to opposites, but it tends to not predict successful relationships/long term relationships Strong evidence for similarity, rather than complementary Classic study by Newman (Newcomb) 1961 people are randomly assigned to dorm rooms, friendship study, people like roommates better who are more similar to themselves. The same is true in interpersonal relationships. We like people better who share our values, attributes. Link between similarity and attraction is quite robust: --opinions and personality --internpersonal style; frustrating if style/skills are different, even mimicry matters --similarity = liking We end up mimicking our partners, adopting their communication styles, and there is even evidence that people grow to look more alike when they spend time together for many years.

Are there observable differences between men and women in their preferences for partners? WHY does this take place?

YES there are observable differences between men and women on this subject. so WHY does this happen? 1. Widely accepted explanation: evolutionary hypothesis/sociological hypthesis 2. Socialization Hypothesis (These 2 hypotheses are NOT mutually exclusive, surely they both are important)

What did the Sooty the Guinea pig story show?

male guinea pig escaped his cage...went into a cage of 24 females and in one night romanced all of them producing 24 offspring.."I'm sure a lot of men will be looking at Sooty with ency"....he was absolutely shattered; we put him back in his cage and he slept for 2 days. Other examples of males showing off/being promiscuous: Peacock Feathers Bowerbirds : males build elaborate nests and the females pick the best one..they use pieces of the human world, like bottlecaps in their nests. Human man with his muscle car