PSYC 410 - Ch. 3 - Attraction (book notes/summary)

Do Opposites Attract?

-no -some are, but people are not routinely more content with dissimilar, rather than similar, partners -however, there are several important sublets in the way similarity operates that may mislead people into thinking that opposites do sometimes attract

Familiarity has its limits

-as we gain information about someone we may find that we don't like them and continuing that relationship may cause us to like them less

Study: attractive or unattractive people receive a written evaluation of their work for a person of the other sex (doesn't know what they look like)

-attractive men and women trusted the praise more and assumed that it was more sincere when it came from someone who didn't know they were good-looking -unattractive people found the praise more compelling when the evaluator did know what they looked like -so, gorgeous people tend not to trust other people as much as unattractive people do

Popularity

-attractive people tend to be less lonely and more socially skilled - a little happier than the rest of us -physical attractiveness may even account for as much as 10% of the variability in people's adjustment and well-being over their lifetimes

order of importance depends on the type of relationship we are looking for

-both have relatively low standards when pursuing short term flings -good-looking, both less picky -accept lower intelligence, warmth, and earning -women will accept men who aren't especially kind, dependable, or understanding as long as they are muscular, sexy, and hot --know they make bad long term mates

The best acceptance

-comes from those potential partners who are selective and choosy and who don't offer acceptance to everyone -not playing hard to get, doesn't work - but being selectively hard to get is good --being a difficult catch for everyone BUT the person you're trying to attract -those who can afford to say no to most people but are happy to say yes toys are the most alluring potential partners -still, it's hard not to like those who like us

different from those that are genuinely opposite

-cool aloofness instead of our warmth can be frustrating -we like partners who entrain and support us but we don't like partners who frustrate or impede us, and a partnerships is fulfilling when we desire the same goals and are able to work together to successfully achieve them -we like people who's interests are different but compatible with ours - introduce us to things we both like -similar partners probably supply us what we want more often than anyone else can

Culture Counts, Too:

-during times when a culture's food supply is unreliable, slender woman are less desirable than heavy women -economic prosperity caused women to become thinner and thinner -black and latina women are more accepting of extra weight -findings suggest that human nature and environmental conditions work together to shape our judgments of who is and who isn't pretty -we are usually attracted to people who appear to be good mates, but what looks good depends somewhat on the conditions we inhabit -beauty is NOT just in the eye of the beholder -remarkable agreement of who is gorgeous an who is ugly around the world (miss america pageant)

These patterns convince some that our standards of beauty have an evolutionary basis

-early humans who successfully sought fertile, robust, and healthy maters were more likely to reproduce successfully than those who mated at random -common preferences, as a result, of modern men for symmetrical, low WHR partners and of modern (fertile) women for symmetrical, masculine, and dynamic men may be evolved inclinations that are rooted more in their human natures than in their particular cultural heritage

Similarity: Liking those who like us:

-enjoyable to find others who are just like us and who share the same background, interests, and tastes -when it comes to our attitudes, age, race, personalities, the old cliche that "birds of a feather flock together" is correct ex: -Michigan: men's closets friendships were with those whom they had most in common -Texas: similar social and political attitudes - similar couples liked each other more -K-State: 13 men spent 10 days jammed together - men got along fine with those they had things in common with

Physical Attractiveness: Liking those who are lovely

-first thing we notice: their looks -physical attractiveness greatly influences the first impressions that people form of one another -in general, right or wrong, we tend to assume that good-looking people are more likable, better people than those who are unattractive

Reunions are often more stressful than people expect

-have to renegotiate their roles and rhythms and confront the things that they didn't like about each other

The basis for beauty may also lead us to confuse beauty with talent

-in the workplace, physically more attractive people make more money and are promoted more often -earn $230,000 more during their lifetime -on campus, attractive professors get better teaching evaluations from their students -the more attractive U.S. politicians are, the more competent they are judged to be -even make better impressions in court - culprits convicted of misdemeanors get lower fines

Who's pretty? rating those on attractiveness while they rate you in return (david marcus)

-is beauty in the eye of the beholder? -judgments of beauty were somewhat idiosyncratic but not much -consensus among people about they physical beauty of the strangers they encountered clearly shared the same notions of who is and is not pretty -this consensus exists across ethnic groups -newborn infants like those that adults find attractive too (spend more time gazing at attractive people)

5) Some types of similarity are more important than others

-it's especially rewarding to have someone agree with us on issues that are very important to us (religion) -but, might not matter if neither person attaches much importance to them -housework and gender roles appear to be among the similarities that do routinely matter -those who disagree about the division of labor are more likely to break up -spouses who share the work are more satisfied than those who divide is unequally -husbands and wives who are more similar in their gender roles are more happily married than those who differ in their styles and skills -macho husbands and feminine wives feel less understood and share less companionship and experience less love and contentment as time goes by

Some bodies are more attractive than others too

-men find women's shapes most alluring when they are of normal weight, and their waists are noticeably narrower than their hips -the most attractive waist-to-hip ratio (WHR) is a curvy 0.7 in which the waist is 30% smaller than the hips ("hourglass" shape appeals to men around the world) -even men blind from birth prefer a low WHR in women's bodies -women who are overweight are judged to be less attractive than slender normal-weighted women are and marriages are more satisfying to both spouses on average when wives are thinner than their husbands -but thin women are NOT more attractive to men than woman of normal weight

Females

-men like larger breasts, but their size is less important that their proportion too the rest of the woman's body, a curvy 0.75 waist-to-bust ratio is very appealing and larger breasts don't enhance a woman's appeal if they are paired with a stocky body

2) Discovering dissimilarities can take time

-men liked the person they perceived to be most like them - but once got to know each other better saw that this was not the case and liked those who were actually more similar to them instead (freshman year dorms) -Stimulus-value-role theory - we gain three different broad types of information about our partners as a new relationship develops --beginning = stimulus (age, sex, looks) --value stage = similarity in attitudes and beliefs (movies, foods) --role = find out if we agree on basics of parenting, careers, housecleaning fatal attractions - occur when a quality that initially attracts one person to another gradually becomes one of the most obnoxious, irritating things about that partner ex: at first spontaneous and fun -- later seem irresponsible and foolish -eventually seeing that such opposites aren't attractive

A potential partner's smell matters more to women than to men

-men prefer natural scents of pretty women than those who are less attractive Study: -shower using unscented soap -men sniff those shirts -symmetrical, attractive people evidently smell better than asymmetrical, unattractive people -heterosexual men don't much like the smell of gay men, who have aromas that are more attractive to other gay guys than to straight men

Males

-men who have strong jaws and broad foreheads who look strong and dominant are usually thought to be handsome -the feminized faces - which look warm and friendly - are attractive too -which facial style is more attractive to women is influenced by their menstrual cycles --if not using hormonal contraception, they the to find rugged manly features somewhat more appealing when they are fertile just before they ovulate --but, they're more attracted to youthful boyishness the rest of the month

Males

-men's bodies are most attractive when their waists are only slightly narrower than their hips with a WHR of 0.9 -broad shoulders and muscles are also attractive, men with higher shoulder-to-hip ratios (around 1.2) and bigger muscles have sex with more woman and at earlier ages than do men who have narrower shoulders --true around the world -a nice shape doesn't attract a woman to a man unless he has other resources as well -a man's WHR affects women's evaluations of him only when he earns a healthy salary -a man is not all that attractive to women if he is handsome but poor

3) You may be the person I want to become

-people admire those who possess skills and talents they wish they had -those who are similar to our ideal selves -if they are only a little better than us - offering encouragement instead of humiliation - we may be attracted to them (for now) -the most appealing partners of all are those who are similar to us in most dimensions but who fit our attainable ideals in others -as long as differences aren't too great, we may prefer a partner who is someone we'd like to become to one who more closely resembles who we really are now

Disadvantages

-people lie to pretty people more -more willing to misrepresent their interests, personalities, and incomes to get a date with an attractive person than they are to fabricate an image for a plain partner

The Interactive Costs and Benefits of Beauty:

-people tend to enjoy their interactions with attractive women - talk more, more involved, interaction of higher quality -no correlation between a woman's beauty and the amount of time she spends interacting with men --attractive women do get more dates -men's looks are correlated with the number and length of the interactions they have with women

An Evolutionary Perspective on Physical Attractiveness:

-people's preferences for prettiness generally fits the assumptions of an evolutionary perspective --people all over the world still tend to agree on who is attractive and who isn't --babies find faces attractive that adults do - some reactions to good looks may be inherited --people with symmetrical faces also tend to have symmetrical bodies and enjoy better mental and physical health ---women have higher levels of estradiol - makes them more fertile ---symmetric people of both sexes = smarter and get sick less often -hormones influence waist-to-hip ratio by affecting the distribution of fat on body --women closer to WHR of 0.7 get pregnant more easily and enjoy better health --man with WHR of 0.9 is likely to have better health -physical attractiveness matters most to people who live in equatorial regions of the world (parasites) --unblemished beauty is a good sign of better health/better mate -attractive people in U.S. reproduce more successfully -subtle but provocative changes in woman's preferences that accompany their monthly menstrual cycles --woman only fertile for a few days that precede their ovulation each month

When woman are fertile..

-prefer deeper voices, scents of symmetrical men, bolder, more arrogant, more characteristic behavior than when infertile -better able to judge when a man is gay -scents of men with high testosterone to be more pleasing -women are attracted to assertive, cocky men when most likely to conceive a child but prefer warmer, kinder, less pushy men the rest of the month -this doesn't occur if woman is on the pill

The Power of Proximity:

-proximity makes it more likely that two people will meet and interact -when two strangers begin chatting, they like each other more the more they chat --this doesn't occur with everyone we meet --less likely to occur when we're in an evaluative mindset and are judging them -over time, constant contact with someone also carries the possibility that unrewarding monotony will set in -when we come to know others and our goal is simply to get along and to have a good time, familiarity with them increases our attraction to them

Good-looking faces in both sexes have features that are neither too large nor too small

-quite average -the average faces that result are more attractive than nearly all of the faces that make up the composite -the images come out proportional -averaged faces are symmetrical -facial symmetry is attractive in its own right whether or not a face is "average" -both symmetry and "averageness" make their own contribution to facial beauty, so beautiful faces combine the best features of individual faces in a balanced, well-proportioned whole

4) Dissimilarity may decrease over time

-relationships can change people -personalities don't change much but members of a couple often come to share more similar attitudes -some occurs automatically as couples share experiences, but some occurs as the partners consciously seek compatibility and contentment -some opposites may gradually fade if a couple stays together for some reason

Proximity can be problematic when parters in long-distance relationships are reunited after some time apart

-separation can destroy a relationship, particularly if the partners start dating other people who are close at hand -the more committed partners are to the relationship, the more they miss each other, and the more they miss each other, the harder they work to express their continued love and regard for each other -conversations tend to be longer and more personal than those they would ordinarily have face-to-face -tend to stay positive and steer clear of touchy topics -likely to construct idealized images of their partnership that portray it as one that's worth waiting for

Both men and women prefer heterosexual relationships where he is taller than she is

-so tall men get more responses than short men do on profiles -a short guy can get as many responses but only if he earns more money ($221,000 more)

We don't expect good-looking strangers to be wonderful in every aspect..

-the more attractive they are, the more promiscuous we think them to be -one reason that we like to think that pretty people are outgoing and kind is because we're attracted to them and we want them to like us in return -tends to hold true all over the world --what is beautiful is desirable around the world, but the specific advantages attributed to lovely people depend somewhat on the specific values of a culture

Barriers: liking those we cannot have

-theory of psychological reactance states that when people lose their freedom of action or choice, they strive to regain that freedom -may want something more if we are threatened with losing it -Romeo and juliet effect - the more their parents interfere with their romances, the more love the teens feel for their partners -As bars close ("closing time effect") --may find that the potential partners in a bar seem more attractive as closing time approaches and you face the prospect of leaving alone --doesn't involve beer goggles or intoxication --occurs only among those who are seeking company they don't yet have --desired but forbidden fruit

All of this is not lost on men..

-think women smell better when they're about to ovulate -woman's voices and faces are more attractive to men -men can tell there's something slightly different and desirable about a woman when she's about to ovulate

Compared to the rest of us..

-those who are shy expect more rejection from others, and so they pursue less desirable partners -but most are reluctant to risk rejection when we are unsure of another's acceptance

Reciprocity: Liking those who like us:

-to enjoy the most success, we should pursue partners who are likely to return our interest (a potential partners' desirability = their physical attractiveness X their probability of accepting you)

cont.

-trade-foffs like these are central ideas in evolutionary psychology --men are more likely to reproduce successfully when they mate with healthy, fertile women, sexual selection has presumably promoted men's interest in youthful and beautiful partners -youth = fertility -beauty = good health -as men age, they seek women increasingly younger -women not concerned with partners youth cause men can maintain reproduction as long as they live -women seek mates who can shelter and protect them -those with resources who can provide for the well-being of a mother and child -women care more about financial prospects than men -women's preference for the age of their mates do not change much as they age (don't seek younger until age 75) -women pursue this because they are so often denied direct access to political and economic power on their own -the more intelligent a woman is, the less her desire is for wealth and status in a romantic partner -when opposites attract - may be trading one asset for another

6) Matching is a broad process

-very different but have similar mate value (rich guy marries young woman) -fame, wealth, health, talent, and looks all appear to be commodities that people use to attract more desirable partners that they might otherwise entice -normally people pair off with those of similar status

Matching in Physical Attractiveness:

-we're likely to end up paired off with others who are only about as attractive as we are -matching - similar levels of physical attractiveness -the more serious and committed a relationship becomes, the more obvious matching usually is -only those who are also good-looking will get the physically attractive partner -none of the really good looking people want to pair off with average looking people, and those in turn, don't want partners that are beneath us -may act as a screening device --matching will occur as people settle for the best-looking partner who will have them in return --as a result, husbands and wives tend to be noticeably similar in physical attractiveness and a close relationship may not even get started if two people don't look a lot alike

Woman's behavior when fertile

-wear more cosmetics and dress more provocatively (showing more skin) -3x more likely to wear red -more flirtatious toward attractive men -dancing more enticing -more willing to accept an invitation to slow dance with a stranger -become more interested in sex with attractive men, even ones they don't know well -act more alluringly than they do when infertile

Ex: squeeze into small cubicle next to attractive woman or an adjacent one (same or different movies playing)

-when only one movie was available, quitting next to her entailed some risk of rejection - intentions obvious -if two movies playing - safer ground -only 25% of men dared sit next to the woman if the same movie was playing, but 75% did when there were two --intentions more ambiguous

Convenience: Proximity is rewarding and distance is costly

-when others are nearby, it's easy to enjoy whatever rewards they offer -distant relationships are more costly overall that one that is closer to home -distant relationships are less rewarding - an expression of love over a video feed is less delightful than an actual soft kiss on the lips However, -some believe that because their relationship has been so rewarding up to that point, some time apart will not adversely affect their romance --they may be surprised by the difference distance makes -when a relationship that enjoys the convenience of proximity becomes inconvenient due to distance, it may suffer more than the partner expects -lovers who are deeply committed to their relationship often survive a separation but other partnerships may ultimately be doomed by distance

People may shop for patterns more thoughtfully when they're able to take their time

-when they ponder the question, men all over the world report higher interest in having a physically attractive romantic partner than women do -satisfaction for males depends on woman's looks, but not for women -both sexes spend time inspecting photos of women on Facebook than men -women know men are judging them based on their looks -no sex difference in how much physical attractiveness affects our liking of someone we've actually just met --affects how much two sexes will initially like each other

Women also like smart guys

-when women watched videos, the smarter the men were, the more appealing they were -when trying to impress a woman, men tend to use more elaborate vocabulary

Females

-women are more attractive if they have "baby-faced" features such as large eyes, small nose, small chin, and full lips -point is not to look childish, but appear more feminine and youthful -beautiful women combine the baby-faced features with signs of maturity such as prominent cheekbones, narrow cheeks, and a broad smile -women who present all of these features are thought to be attractive all over the world

So, What do men and women want?

1) warmth and loyalty - being trustworthy, kind, supportive, and understanding 2) attractiveness and vitality - being good looking, sexy, and outgoing 3) status and resources - being financially secure and living well

What Kind of Similarity?: Whether they are lovers or friends, happy relationship partners resemble each other more than random strangers do in several ways

1. demographic similarity in age, sex, race, education, religion, and social class 2. attitudes and values -when told they agree on a lot of issues, attraction didn't level off after a certain amount of similarity was reached (no danger in having too much in common) 3. personalities -contentment has more to do with the others desirable qualities than how similar they are Key: -like between similarity and attraction is stronger for attitudes than for personalities and varies from country to country ex: china has spouses more similar than the U.S

2 different types of reward influence attraction

1. noticeable direct rewards we obviously receive from our interaction with others -direct refer to all the evident pleasures people provide us (shower us with interest and approval we're usually gratified by the attention and acceptance) -the more direct rewards that people provide us, the more attracted we are to them 2. more subtle indirect benefits of which we're not always aware and that are merely associated with someone else

Looks Matter:

Speed dating: -both sexes - outward appearance drives their selections -men attracted to woman who are slender, young, physically attractive -women attracted to men who are tall, young, physically attractive -physical attractiveness matters most

Study in condominium complex in California

although most of the residents' friends lived nearby, most of their enemies did too -only rarely did people report that they really disliked someone who lived several buildings away from them

Proximity influences this too

among students who did not already share an acquaintance, taking a class together made it 140 times more likely that they would message each other -small distances matter, students who are assigned seats next to each other are much more likely to become friends than are those who are given seats a couple of rows apart

So all this adds up...

as long as she is moderately pretty and he has some money, both sexes want as much warmth and loyalty as they can get -women will be more impressed if you'd develop some affectionate warmth to go with your strength and power

men have different priorities..

attach more importance to attractiveness and vitality -prefers a kind, beautiful woman without any money

Particular power to the color red

both men and women find strangers of the other (but not the same) sex more attractive and sexually appealing when they are pictured in red -a woman seems more sexually receptive to a man when she's wearing red than when not --men are more likely to ask a woman on a date if she's wearing red -women choose to wear more red when they expect to meet attractive men

Moreland and Beach (1992)

college women attend certain classes either 15, 10, or 5 times -real students asked for their reactions -results showed that more familiar women were, the more the students were attracted to them, and all liked better than women the students had never seen at all

Student housing complexes (Festinger, Schachter, and Back (1950))

examined friendships among students living in campus housing at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology -people who lived close to each other were much more likely to become friends than were those whose rooms were further apart -same result found from one building to the next --> people were more likely to know and like residents of other buildings that were close to their own

Attraction also depends on our

individual needs, preferences, and desires, and on the situation in which we find ourselves -attraction is based on rewarding experiences with another person, but those rewards take a variety of forms

The first step towards a relationship is always the same

interpersonal attraction, the desire to approach someone

Anything about new acquaintances that resembles us

may make them seem more likable -people are disproportionately likely to fall in love with someone who has a name that resembles their own -rewards like these are indirect and mild, we sometimes don't even consciously notice them

Women are more attractive to men when they have longer rather than shorter hair

men evaluate woman's hair of varying length -more interested in dating women who appear to have long hair, in part, because they think that the women are less likely to be engaged or married and more willing to have sex on a first date -women prefer men with smoother, less hairy chests to those who are more hirsute -man seems taller and more dominant with a shaved head than he does with a full head of hair

Proximity: Liking those near us

most of the time, relationships are more rewarding when they involve people who are near one another -physical proximity to others often determines whether or not we ever meet in the first place -clear connection between physical proximity and interpersonal attraction

we accept trade-offs

or we would be very frustrated -men typically check first to make sure that a woman has at least average looks, and then seek as much warmth, kindness, honestly, openness, stability, humor, and intelligence as they can get --beauty is desirable but not as important as warmth and loyalty are (status and resources coming in third) -women check first that the man has some money or prospects, then too seek as much warmth....etc. --wealth is desirable to women but not as important as levels of warmth and loyalty (looks coming in third) (gays yield similar results)

1) How much do we think we have in common? Perceived similarity matters

our perceptions of how much we have in common affect our attraction to each other more than actual similarity does -it's more the extent to which their liking is influenced by their personalities and interests -overestimate the similarities they share and discovering how wrong they are can take some time -onlookers may correctly observe that they are very different people -they think they are not very different, but they are wrong

Mate value

overall attractiveness as a reproductive partner -people with high mate values are highly sought by others (able to insist on partners of high quality) --women who are very good looking have high standards in men (want all desirable characteristics)

chapter summary/review

pg. 102

Familiarity: repeated contact

proximity increases the chances that two people will cross paths often and become more familiar with each other -repeated contact with or even mere exposure to someone usually increases our liking for them -even if we have never spoken to them, we like faces we recognize more than those that are unfamiliar

Our basis for beauty: "what is beautiful is good"

studies of judgments such as there routinely find that physically attractive people are presumed to be interesting, sociable people who are likely to encounter personal and professional success in life and love -we seem to think that what is beautify is good -we assume that attractive people have desirable traits that complement their desirable appearances -we seem to make these judgments automatically, without any conscious thought; a beautiful face triggers a positive evaluation the instant we see it

The fundamental basis of attraction:

the most fundamental assumption about interpersonal attraction is that we are attracted to others whose presence is rewarding to us

Balance theory

the tendency to like those who like us is consistent with the reward model of attraction -this theory suggests that people desire consistency among their thoughts, feelings, and social relationships -also true when two people dislike each other STUDY: -encountered experimenter who was either pleasant or rude to them, and then a supervisor who was either pleasant or rude to the experimenter --more congenial to the supervisor when they had been nice to the nice or mean to the mean --supports the notion that we prefer balance among our relationships -we tend to like someone when we learn that they share our dislike for someone else before ever meeting them

Without deliberately doing so..

we pursue partners who make it more likely that our children will thrive and survive to have children of their own -often attracted to others who offer advantages that would be beneficial to our potential offspring

7) One way "opposites" may attract: complementarity

when different types of behavior fit well, when two partners have different skills, each is usually happy to allow the other to take the lead on those tasks at which the other is more talented -reactions that provide a good fit for our own can be attractive -divisions of labor that suit our talents in pursuit of shared goals are often advantageous (terrific dreamer and good planner = awesome vacations) -when we really want something, it's nice when our partner lets us have our way

Proximity can also be disadvantageous

when people who have come to know each other online meet in person for the first time -people put their best foot forward -what you see on the web is not necessarily what you get when you finally meet -men often claim that they're taller and richer -women claim that they're lighter and younger -so, the knowledge we have about each other goes up but their perceived similarity to and liking for, each other goes down -when we find out who our online partners actually are, as opposed to who we thought they were, our attraction to them often declines

when picking husbands..

women consider a man's good character to be more important than their looks -warmth, loyalty, resources, and status more important -prefer kind, understanding, and well to do but not particularly handsome