Public Victory

Paradigm

Typical pattern or model.

Pascal

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.

Trust Account

✅Communication ✅Easy ✅Instant ✅Effective ✅Live fairly independent lifestyles & still respect each other.

Diagnose Before You Prescribe

✅If you don't have confidence in the diagnosis, you won't have confidence in the prescription. ✅An effective sales person seeks to understand the needs, concerns, the situation of the customer. ✅Amateur salesman sells products; professional salesman sells solutions to needs & problems. ✅The key to good judgement is understanding.

Keeping Commitments

✅If you keep the habit of always keeping promises you make, you build bridges of trust that span the gaps of understanding between you & your child. ✅If your child cultivated trust in your word, in your promises, he will act on your counsel.

Communication Levels

✅Ignoring ✅Pretending ✅Selective Listening ✅Empathic Listening

Life

✅We need law & order, otherwise society would deteriorate. ✅Life is not a competition; it is a journey.

Principles of Creative Cooperation

✅When Sir Winston Churchill called was to head up the war effort for Great Britain, he remarked that all his life had prepared him for this hour. ✅The exercise of all of the other habits prepares us for the habit of synergy. ✅Skills of empathic communication is one of the toughest challenges we face in life.

The Laws of Love & the Laws of Life

✅When we make deposits of unconditional love, when we live the primary laws of love, we encourage others to live the primary laws of life. ✅We help them feel secure, safe, validated, & affirmed in their essential worth, identity, & integrity. ✅Natural growth process is encouraged. ✅We give children their freedom to act on their own imperatives & react to our conditions & limitations but that does not mean we become permissive or soft. That itself is a massive withdrawal. We counsel, we plead, we set limits & consequences, but we love regardless.

Synergistic Communication

✅When you communicate synergistically, you are simply opening your mind & heart & expressions to new possibilities, new alternatives, new options. ✅Have an inward sense of excitement, security, & adventure. ✅You begin with the belief that parties involved will gain more insight & the excitement of that mutual learning & insight will create momentum toward more insight, learning, & growth. ✅Some people have a high tolerance for ambiguity & get security from integrity to principles & inner values. ✅A need for structure, certainty, & predictability will disappoint if things don't go as planned.

Habits of Interdependence

✅Win/Win Negotiation ✅Reflective Listening ✅Creative Problem-Solving

Relationships

✅With people we deeply respect, sometimes are focused on deeper issues, not personalities or positions. ✅Because we trust each other, we're opened. ✅Put your cards on the table & be willing to listen with respect despite having differing fews. ✅Genuine courtesy, respect, & appreciation for that person.

Think Win/Win

✅Work together ✅Share ideas ✅Benefit from effort

Desired

Results identify what is to be done & when.

P Problems Are PC Opportunities

The very problem created the opportunity to build a deep relationship that empowered us to work together as a strong complementary team.

Win/Win

✅A frame of mind & heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. ✅Sees life as a cooperative arena rather than a competitive one. ✅Requires mutual learning, mutual influence, & mutual benefits.

Children Cold War

✅Sex ✅Social pressure ✅Image protection

Win/Win Management Training

✅The most difficult part of the assignment was to get a clear picture of the desired results. ✅Shifting the training paradigm released unbelievable motivation & creativity.

Opportunity

✅Training ✅Development ✅Perks ✅Benefits

Five Dimensions Win/Win

✅Vision ✅Proactive initiative ✅Security ✅Guidance ✅Wisdom ✅Power from principle-centered personal leadership.

Principles of Empathic Communication

✅We often fail to take time to diagnose, to really deeply understand the problem first. ✅Seek first to understand, then to be understood. ✅Key to effective interpersonal communication.

Guidelines

Parameters (principles, policies) within which results are to be accomplished.

Consequences

Specify good & bad, natural & logical, what does happen & will happen as a result of the evaluation.

Edwin Markham

We have committed the Golden Rule to memory let us now commit it to life.

Good Roles

✅A good teacher will assess the class before teaching. ✅A good student will understand before he applies. ✅A good parent will understand before evaluating or judging.

Then Seek to Be Understood

✅It means that you are in alignment with the emotional thrust of another person's communication. ✅Logos is the logic, reasoning part. ✅You've got to empathize with the other person's head & get into their frame of mind. ✅Make your point simple & visually describe the alternative to your patient so they can better themself.

Apologizing Sincerely When You Make a Withdrawal

✅It takes a great deal of character strength to apologize quickly out of ones heart than out of pity. ✅Leo Roskin: "It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong". ✅It is one thing to make a mistake & quite another thing not to admit it. People will forgive mistakes because mistakes are usually of the mind, mistakes of judgement. But people will not easily forgive mistakes of the heart, the ill intention, the bad motives, the prideful justifying cover-up of the first mistake.

Character Building

✅It's hard not to get impatient. It takes character to be proactive to focus on your Circle of Influence, to nurture growing things & not to "pull up the flowers to see how the roots are coming." ✅There is no quick fix. Building & repairing relationships are long-term investments.

Being Understanding

✅Layer upon layer, it's like peeling an onion till you get to a soft inner core. ✅When people are really hurting & you really listen with a pure desire to understand, you'll be amazed how fast they will open up. They want to open up. Children desperately want to open up even more with their parents than to their peers. And they will, if they feel their parents will love them unconditionally & will be faithful to them afterwards & not judge or ridicule them. ✅If you really seek to understand without hypocrisy & without guile, there will be times when you will be literally stunned with the pure knowledge & understanding that will flow from another human being. It isn't even always necessary to talk in order to empathize. ✅People resent any attempt to manipulate them. ✅You may approach problems from a highly visual, intuitive holistic right brain paradigm; I may be very left brain, very sequential, analytical, & verbal.

Your Patient

✅Make sure the talker does not receive your efforts to help as self-serving, intimidating, or condescending because you have to really understand what matters to him. ✅Being a good listener is deeply therapeutic & healing because it gives a person psychological air. ✅Make sure your patient is understood, affirmed, validated, & appreciated. ✅Focus on influencing or problem solving.

Four Developmental Stages

✅Mimic Content ✅Active & Reflective Listening ✅Rephrase the content & the feeling ✅Sense emotion & turn on a transactional opportunity into a transformational opportunity.

Character & Communication

✅Most important skill in life. ✅Deeply understand another human being from that individual's own frame of reference. ✅Your example flows naturally out of your character, or the kind of person you truly are. ✅Your character is constantly radiating, communicating. ✅Have love & influence. ✅Unless I open up to you, unless you understand me & my unique situation & feelings, you won't know how to advise or counsel me. What you say is good & fine, but it doesn't quite pertain to me. ✅You have to build the skills of empathic listening on a base of character that inspires openness & trust. ✅Create commerce between hearts.

Empathic Listening

✅Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. ✅Some people constantly project their own home movies onto other people's behavior. ✅They prescribe their own glasses for everyone with whom they interact with. ✅We're filled with out rightness, our own autobiography. We want to to be understood. Our conversations become collective monologues & we never really understand what's going on inside another human being.

Interdependence

✅Opens up worlds of possibilities for deep, rich, meaningful associations for geometrically increased productivity for serving, for contributing, for learning, for growing. ✅Pain is chronic so get use to it & learn to live with it.

Synergy in Business

✅Our mission is to empower people & organization to significantly increase their performance capability in order to achieve worthwhile purposes through understanding & living principle centered leadership. ✅Goal: The release of creative energy was incredible. Excitement replaced boredom. People became very open to each other's influence & generated new insights & options. By the end of the meeting an entirely new understanding of the nature of the central company challenge evolved. The white paper proposals became obsolete. Differences were valued & transcended. A new vision began to form. ✅They know the possibility of having other such mind-expanding adventures in the future.

Showing Personal Integrity

✅People can seek to understand, remember the little things, keep their promises, clarify & fulfill expectations, & still fail to build reserves of trust if they are inwardly duplicitous (two faced). ✅Manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present. ✅We build trust of those who are present. ✅Fake Two-Faced Snakes: Sweet talk to your face, talk shit behind your back. ✅Treat everyone with the same set of principles takes a real one. ✅Soul-Search to find yourself. ✅Avoid any communication that is deceptive, full of guile, or beneath the dignity of people.

Win/Win Performance Agreements

✅People evaluate themselves, using the criteria that they themselves helped create up front. ✅There is no way to maintain personal integrity without relationship trust.

One on One

✅Problems ✅Disagreements ✅Circumstances ✅Other People's Behavior ✅Focusing on other people's negative energies out there could deplete your energy with little positive results.

Think Win/Lose

✅Real selfishness ✅Unwillingness to cooperate ✅Resistance to authority ✅Defensive communication ✅Low trust

Understanding the Individual

✅Really seeking to understand another person is probably one of the most important deposits you can make. ✅A withdrawal to a relationship is when it doesn't touch a person's deep interests or needs. ✅Understand individuals deeply, the way you want to be understood. ✅Treat everyone equally without placing stigma toward anyone.

Wild Child

✅Rebellion is a knot of the heart, not the mind. ✅Your child will fight for their own identity & integrity. ✅Children will soon make logical extensions in their decision making process as a result of their growth & character. ✅Have the humility, courage, & strength to rebuild your relationships. ✅Have spirit of high mutual respect. ✅Develop a powerful complementary team & deep personal affection.

Essence of Synergy

✅Respect peers ✅Build strengths ✅Compensate for weaknesses

Relationship Goals

✅Rich ✅Joyful ✅Productive Relationship

Autobiographical Response

✅School: I remember thinking what a waste some of the classes were. But those classes turned out to be the most helpful to me later. Just hang in there. Give it some time. ✅Several years down the road, you're gonna wish you stayed in school. ✅You'd be so limited if you tried to understand another person by looking at your own glasses. ✅You will never be able to truly step inside another person, to see the world as he sees it, until you develop the pure desire, the strength of personal character, & positive Emotional Bank Account as well as the empathic skills to do it.

Seeking First to Understand

✅Seeking first to understand, diagnosing before you prescribe is hard. It's so much easier in the short run to hand someone a pair of glasses that have fit you so well these many years. ✅You can't achieve maximum interdependent production from an inaccurate understanding of where other people are coming from. ✅It takes a great deal of security to go into deep listening experiences because you open yourself up to be influenced & become vulnerable. ✅You handle the outward vulnerability with peace & strength.

Parent Child Relationship Nightmare Detriment

✅Suppose your son is in the process of making some important decisions that will affect the rest of his life. But the trust level is so low & the communication process so closed, mechanical, & unsatisfying that he simply will not open to your counsel. You may have the wisdom & the knowledge to help him, but because your account is so overdrawn, he will end up making his decisions from a short-range emotional perspective, which may well result in many negative long-range consequences. ✅Listen & seek to understand. Let him feel your concern for him, your acceptance of him as a person.

Force Field Analysis

✅Synergy is powerful in dealing with negative forces that work against growth & change. ✅Driving forces are positive, reasonable, logical, conscious, & economic. ✅Create a positive, respectful, open, & trusting climate. ✅You create an atmosphere in which it is safe to talk about forces, unfreeze them, loosen them up, create new insights, & transform the restraining forces into driving ones. ✅Be in harmony with each other's humanity & empowered by new, fresh thinking, by new creative alternatives & opportunities.

Clarifying Expectations

✅The cause of almost all relationships difficulties is rooted in conflicting or ambiguous expectations around roles & goals. ✅We can be certain that unclear expectations will lead to misunderstanding, disappointment, & withdrawals of trust.

Attending to the Little Things

✅The little kindnesses & courtesies are so important. Small discourtesies, little unkindnesses, little forms of disrespect make large withdrawals. ✅In relationships, the little things are the big things. ✅People are very tender, very sensitive inside. Age & experience makes much difference. ✅Inside the most toughened & calloused exteriors even lie tender feelings & emotions of the heart.

synergy

✅The whole is greater than the sum of parts. ✅The essence of principle-centered leadership. ✅Essence of principle-centered parenting. ✅Catalyzes, unifies, & unleashes the greatest powers within people. ✅All the habits we covered prepare us to create the miracle of synergy. ✅If you put two pieces of wood together, they will hold much more than the total of the weight held by each separately.

Paradigms of Interdependence

✅There aren't any other roads; there aren't any other shortcuts. ✅Some people jump into effective relationships without maturity, the strength of character, to maintain them. ✅You can't have fruits without roots. ✅Self-mastery & self-discipline are the foundation of good relationships with others. ✅You have to like yourself before you like others.

Samuel Johnson

✅There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity.

Empathy

✅To fully, deeply, understand that person emotionally as well as intellectually. ✅Instead of projecting your own autobiography & assuming thoughts, feelings, motives & interpretation, you're dealing with the reality inside another person's head & heart. You're listening to understand. You're focused on receiving the deep communication of another human soul.

Soul Touching

✅To touch the soul of another human being is to walk on holy ground. ✅You can sense their hearts, you can sense the hurt, & you can respond, "You seem down today". They may say nothing, that's all right". Don't push them. Be patient, be respectful of the time & space they need apart so they can process their complicated thoughts & emotions. ✅Go out with your spouse on a regular basis. Have dinner or do something together you both enjoy. Listen to each other, seek to understand. See life through each other's eyes.

Lose/Lose

✅Two determined, stubborn, ego-invested individuals interact. ✅Both become vindictive & want to "get back" or "get even". ✅Blind murder suicide where revenge is a two-sided sword. ✅Become self-centered on the enemy so the self obsessed person becomes blind to everything except their desire for the enemy to lose, sometimes even losing themselves.

Abundance Mentality

✅Unlimited possibilities for positive interactive growth & development. ✅A character rich in integrity, maturity, & Abundance Mentality has genuineness that goes far beyond technique or lack of it, in human interaction.

Accountability

Sets up standards of performances & the time evaluation.

Mission to Empathic Listening

✅I listen with the intent to understand. I seek first to understand, to really understand. ✅Look out through it, see the world the way they see the world, understand their paradigm, understand how they feel.

Effective Person

✅Independent ✅Centered in correct principles ✅Value driven ✅Able to organize & exercise the priorities in life with integrity. ✅Build rich, enduring, highly productive relationships with other people.

George Bush Inaugural Address

I take as my guide the hope of a saint: in crucial things, unity- in important things, diversity- in all things, generosity.

Resources

Identify the human financial, technical, or organizational support available to help accomplish the results.

Team

✅In business, executives can align their systems to create teams of highly productive people working together to complete against external standards of performances. ✅In education, teachers can set up grading systems based on an individual's performance in the context of agreed upon criteria & can encourage students to cooperate in productive ways to help each other learn & achieve. ✅In families, parents can shift the focus from competition with each other to cooperation.

Successful Empathic Listening

✅As you authentically seek to understand, as you rephrase content & reflect feeling, you give him/her psychological air. You also help him work through his own thoughts & feelings. As he/she grows in his confidence of your sincere desire to really listen & understand, the barrier between what's going on inside him/her & what's actually being communicated to you disappears. It opens a soul to soul flow. He's/She's not thinking & feeling one thing & communicating another. He begins to trust you with his/her innermost tender feelings & thoughts. ✅Even as a mother begins to counsel, she needs to be sensitive to her daughter's communication. As long as the response is logical, the mother can effectively ask questions & give counsel.

Character

✅Be harmonious with your inner values. ✅Aim for profound emotional maturity. ✅Express your own feelings & have your convictions balanced with consideration for the thoughts & feelings of each other. ✅Focus on growth & development. ✅Ego strength/empathy balance. ✅Self confidence/respect.

Systems

✅Began educational & organizational development work to align systems & structures of the organization toward Win/Win paradigm. ✅Significantly increased # of golden eggs & fed the goose as well as releasing enormous human energy & talent. ✅The training system, planning system, communication system, budgeting system, information system, & compensation system.

Lose/Win

✅Being super nice or a kiss up to get the other person to like you. ✅Permissive & indulgence. ✅Bury feelings & suppress emotion. ✅Unexpressed feelings never die, they're buried alive & come forth in uglier ways in the future. ✅People who are constantly repressing, not transcending feelings toward a higher meaning find that it affects the quality of their self-esteem & eventually the quality of their relationships with others.

Creative Process

✅Can be intimidating process because you don't know what's exactly going to happen or if it is going to lead anywhere. ✅Fix issue by building creative confidence. ✅Nurture the skill of major designing. ✅It takes enormous internal security to begin a spirit of adventure, the spirit of discovery, & the spirit of creativity.

Processes

✅Character Integrity ✅Maturity ✅Abundance Mentality

Emotional Bank Account

✅Courtesy ✅Kindness ✅Honesty ✅Keeping up with commitments ✅Build up reserve

Business

✅Create the unity necessary to run an effective business or a family or marriage requires great personal strength & courage. ✅No amount of technical administrative skill in laboring for the masses can make up for lack of nobility of personal character in developing relationships. ✅Very essential, one-on-one level, that we live the primary laws of love & life.

Agreements

✅Desired ✅Guidelines ✅Resources ✅Accountability ✅Consequences

Withdrawals to Emotional Bank Account

✅Discourtesy ✅Disrespect ✅Cutting off ✅Overreacting ✅Ignoring ✅Arbitrary ✅Betrayal ✅Threatening

All Nature is Synergistic

✅Effective in an interdependent reality. ✅Teamwork, team building, the development of unity & creativity with other human beings.

Valuing the Differences

✅Everyone else is buried by the minutia, but I see the larger picture. ✅Call me supervisor, have super vision. ✅The person who is truly effective has the humility & reverence to recognize his own perceptual limitations & to appreciate the rich resources available through interaction with the hearts & minds of other human beings. ✅Don't talk to communicate to someone who agrees with you. Talk to communicate because with someone who sees things differently. Value the difference. ✅Talk to different people to increase awareness & affirm yourself by having some psychological air. ✅Create an environment for synergy.

Win/Win No Deal

✅Feel liberated because you have no need to manipulate people. ✅Push own agenda to drive what you want. ✅Open up. ✅Try to understand the deeper issues underlying the positions.

Management & Parents Can Control

✅Financial ✅Psychic ✅Opportunity ✅Responsibility

Synergy in the Classroom

✅Have a desire to learn & listen to each other's ideas. ✅Brainstorm, have a spirit of evaluation subordinated in spirit creativity, imagining, & intellectual networking. ✅Have the entire class transform into a new excitement of a new thrust, a new idea, and a new direction that's hard to define. ✅Share powerful personal experiences that are emotional & insightful. ✅A spirit of humility & reverence fell upon the class, where individual & appreciation for courage. ✅Change assignments, assign new projects, form new teams, & create different class setting to progress & evolve the course for more effective learning. ✅When in school, get more than just a good classroom experience. ✅Produce new insights & learnings, have a sense of excitement & adventure that keeps the process going.

Synergy & Communication

✅He had these people get to know each other, their interests, their hopes, their goals, their concerns, their backgrounds, their frame of references, their paradigms. ✅Synergy 1+1= 1600 ✅The synergistic position of high trust produces solutions better than any originally proposed parties.

Negative Synergy

✅How much negative energy is typically expended when people try to solve problems our make decisions in an interdependent reality? How much time is spent in confessing other people's sins, politicking, rivalry, interpersonal conflict, protecting one's back-side, masterminding, & second guessing? It's like trying to drive down the road with one foot on the gas & the other foot on the brake! ✅They try to apply more pressure, more eloquence, more logical information to strengthen their position. ✅They don't realize that the very strength of the relationship is having another point of view. ✅Unity or oneness is complementariness, not sameness. ✅When a person has access to both the intuitive, creative, & visual right brain, & analytical, logical, verbal, left brain, then the whole brain is working. In other words, there is psychic synergy taking place in our own head. And this tool is best suited to the reality of what life is because life is not just logical, it is emotional.

Win/Lose

✅I get my way; you don't get yours. ✅When one child is compared with another or have patience, understanding, & love withdrawn. ✅Grades in school can open opportunities are close them.