Soc Psych Ch. 12
What are the two separate systems that can reinforce each other or be in conflict that Lisa Diamond proposes for humans forming relationships?
1. Attachment system -an urge connect and form close social bonds with a few individuals -probably gender neutral -love comes from this system 2. Sex drive -based on the principles of mating -evolution probably shaped the sex drive to focus on the opposite gender (bc only heterosexual can create children)
What are the two different views about honesty in a relationship?
1. Honesty is the best policy -it is best if two people understand each other fully and correctly, communicate all their feelings, and accept each other for who they are 2. People should idealize each other and see each other in a positively biased fashion -passionate love --- two people generally take a very positive, even distorted view of each other -portraying an idealized version of self may be difficult to sustain over the long run Different rules apply in dating as opposed to marriage -dating: people were most intimate with partners who viewed them most favorably -marriage: people were most intimate with partners who saw them as they saw themselves and
What are the different stereotypes about sex and gender?
1. Men want sex more than women 2. Men separate love and sex more than women 3. Women's sexuality is more natural, whereas men's sexuality reflects more cultural influence 4. Women serve as "gatekeepers" who restrict the total amount of sex and decide whether and when sex will happen Which ones are correct? #1 - men think about sex more often, are aroused more often, desire sex more often, desire more sex partners, and desire more different kinds of sex acts than women, men initiate sex more and refuse sex less than women #4 - men are not very choosy or cautious about sex, they are usually willing to have it under a wide variety of circumstances
What are the four styles of attachment according to the attachment theory?
1. Secure attachment -style of attachment in which people are low on anxiety and low on avoidance -they trust their partners, share their feelings, provide and receive support and comfort, and enjoy their relationships -these relationships tend to be stronger, more durable, more satisfying, and more intimate than those of people in the other categories 2. Preoccupied attachment -original term: anxious/ambivalent -style of attachment in which people are low on avoidance but high on anxiety -they want and enjoy closeness but worry that their relationship partners will abandon them, possible because they fear their partners will discover their flaws and faults -see partners as inconsistent, unreliable, and reluctant to commit -may be seen as overly controlling or "suffocating" 3. Dismissing avoidant attachment -style of attachment in which people are low on anxiety. But high on avoidance -they tend to view partners as unreliable, unavailable, and uncaring -they seek to rely on themselves rather than on others -their relationships are marked by distance, lower commitment, and lower enjoyment than those of secure or preoccupied people -their partners sometime see them as withdrawn or aloof and as reluctant to open up -provide less care and support 4. Fearful avoidant attachment -style of attachment in which people have both high anxiety and high avoidance -they have low opinions of themselves and keep others from getting close -view partners as untrustworthy, uncaring, and otherwise unavailable -they worry they are unlovable Partner influences the relationship and style of attachment -react to how partner treats you which can cause a different style of attachment than you usually engage in Avoidant individuals = the biggest theoretical puzzle -they desire and seek out connections with others, but they worry that if they give in to these wishes and become close to others, they will be hurt -fear of closeness + need to belong = conflict between the two -fear of closeness can originate in previous experiences; ex: having a distant/rejecting mother -want companionship but without allowing too much intimacy
Extradyadic sex
Having sex with someone other than one's regular relationship partner Rare or common? -the rate of extramarital sex has probably changed over the years --- not as tolerable since the herpes and AIDS epidemics -most reliable numbers suggest that there is far less extramarital sex than you might think from tv shows, movies, novels, and celebrity news.
What is modern love?
Hook ups Online Dating -deception --- present the "ideal" self -choice overload --- less likely to commit when there are so many options available
What is assortative mating?
Also known as "matching hypothesis" -match up with a person based on social value -those with assets of higher value are more sought after -also why some couples look more like each other
What does the Clark & Hatfield (1989) Study measure?
At a college campus, people would go up to others of the opposite sex and tell them different things along with a request -"I've noticed you on campus and find you very attractive" Requests: -"will you go out with me tonight?" -"will you go back to my apartment with me?" -"will you go to bed with me?" Results -women slightly ore likely to go on date than men -apartment suggestion = dramatic gender difference where men were much likely than women to say yes -bed suggestion = only men were the ones to say yes
Is their domestic violence in the LGBTQ community?
Yes - social stigma puts stress on relationships which result in domestic violence -gender plays a large role CDC (2010) - Rates of sexual violence -women: Lesbian --- 46.4% Bisexual --- 76.9% Heterosexual --- 43.3% -men: Gay --- 40.2% Bisexual --- 47.4% Heterosexual --- 20.8%
What is defining aspect of love in general, according to the book?
Caring for the other person regardless of one's personal gain
Reverse Double Standard
Condemning men more than women for the same sexual behavior (ex: premarital sex)
Double Standard
Condemning women more than men for the same sexual behavior (ex: premarital sex) -sexual double standard is supported more by women than men
What is one of the largest and most consistent gender differences in the desire for casual, uncommitted sex?
Coolidge effect -the sexually arousing power of a new partner (greater than the appeal of a familiar partner) -specifically a male animal would have sex and researchers would measure how long it took until he could become aroused again, as a function of having either the same partner or a new partner --- men typically were more rapidly and more aroused by the new partner than by the familiar one Men and women have different baselines for sexual desire
What is the cultural and evolutionary perspectives of jealousy and possessiveness?
Cultural -society can modify and channel jealousy but cannot effectively eliminate it -some degree of sexual possessiveness is deeply rooted in human nature -some experts believe that jealousy is a product of social roles and expectations Evolutionary -we should look to biological and evolutionary patterns to help explain jealousy -jealousy has a strong evolutionary defense, but these reasons differ somewhat from men as opposed to women that can be traced to the differences in male vs female reproductive systems -male possessiveness focuses heavily on the sex act and is less concerned with intimate conversations, whereas female possessiveness emphasizes the emotional relationship and is less concerned with the sex act itself
Are there marriage benefits in the LGBTQ community?
Goldsen et al., 2017 -large pool of participants in which they were either married, dating over a long period of time, or single -results: married = happier; married & committed relationships = healthier than single Overall, LGBTQ may not be as happy as heterosexuals because of the social stigma
What are implicit theories of relationship maintenance?
Growth vs destiny -high destiny beliefs = your partner is more likely to stick with you -growth beliefs = individuals in the relationship tend to adapt better to problems in relationships and tend to be more satisfied
What are the different types of relationships?
Exchange vs communal -exchange = relationships based on reciprocity and fairness, in which people expect something in return; strictly economical; not very successfully -communal = relationships based on mutual love and concern, without expectation of repayment -difference between the two: whether the people keep track ---- exchange = couples keeping track of who pays what bill, who buys the groceries, etc to make sure everything is equal; communal = couples who put their money into a joint bank account and letting each other spend it without having to check on the other -communal relationships are more mature and desirable than exchange; make people feel safe and secure and provides a haven where others care for you regardless of how much you achieve -exchange relationships seem much more powerful for driving progress and increasing wealth; promotes achievement Ex of long-term exchange relationship -relationship between family dentist and a regular customer -friendly relationship but the basis of their interaction is still the exchange of dental care for money Ex of long-term communal relationship -two sisters who help each other out during difficult times by giving emotional support and even money without expecting that the other will pay it back
What are the different theories as to why people do not leave relationships?
Interdependence Theory (Thibaut & Kelly, 1959) -"dependence" is integral factor in relationships ("stay-leave" behavior) -greater if outcomes are good and alternatives are poor Satisfaction/stability is a function of: -current outcomes -expectations (comparison level) --- what do you think you should be getting in the relationship? -alternatives Investment Model
What is the self-expansion theory?
Intrinsically motivated to expand ourselves by forming relationships with other people -it expands our competence, knowledge,e tc -we like to form relationships with people who are different than us -satisfaction may dwindle because we get use to people and don't expand anymore Boredom vs Novelty Study (Aron et al., 2000) -expanded gym mat vs a rolled up gym mat -couples were assigned to either a lame task or an exciting task -after they were done with the task, they were asked to rate their satisfaction of their relationship -results: exiting tasks produced more satisfied relationships -therefore, healthy relationships can be maintained through novelty
How does self-esteem effect your relationship with others?
Low self-esteem -doubt that they are lovable, so they expect people to leave them -engage in a variety of behaviors that can undermine the relationship -skeptical or distrustful when their partners express love or support High self-esteem -think they are lovable, so they think they can find a new partner relatively easily -when conflicts arise, they are quicker to decide they don't have to put up with the relationship and contemplate ending the relationship
Are married people happier?
On average, satisfaction in marriages decline -honeymoon effect is what causes increase, then satisfactions moves back down to baseline Hedonic adaptation in divorce -don't return to the same satisfaction level as before divorce Arranged vs love-based marriages (Regan et al., 2012) -some evidence presents arranged marriages as being more successful A happy marriage may be the most important thing -unhappy marriages produce considerable stress and other bad effects and in some cases leave people worse off married than alone -happy marriages: people who marry live longer and healthier lives than people who never marry, and people who stay married live longer and better than those who divorce Gender difference -men: the big difference is being married vs not married -women: the quality of the relationship (happy vs unhappy) seems more powerful Research has shown that some inborn, genetic factors steer people toward marriage, whereas other genetic factors guide other people toward remaining single
What are types of attachment?
Original attachment theory identified 3 types: 1. Anxious/ambivalent -- clinging type who want to be as close as possible, whose problems stem from the fact that others don't want to be as close, who would ideally like to experience a complete merger with someone else 2. Secure --- a comfortable balance; the secure person is happy to become close and intimate with others and does not worry inordinately about being abandoned or hurt 3. Avoidant --- uncomfortable when others want to get too close and who try to maintain some distance between themselves and relationship partners Attachment theory -a theory that classifies people into 4 attachment styles (secure, preoccupied, dismissing, avoidant, and fearful avoidant) -two dimensions: anxiety (attitudes toward the self) & avoidance (attitudes toward the other person) -four styles: secure attachment, preoccupied attachment (anxious/ambivalent), dismissing avoidant attachment, fearful avoidant attachment
Time and love
Passion love -tends to be temporary -experienced for a relatively brief period in a relationship -sex tends to decrease the longer you are married --- if divorce and remarry, there is a big increase in sexual frequency with the new partner Companionate love -what makes a good marriage or a stable, trustworthy, lasting relationship -may be the most effective emotion for making it succeed and survive in the long run
Passionate love vs companionate love
Passionate Love (Romantic Love) -strong feelings of longing, desire, and excitement toward a special person -makes people want to spend a lot of time together, touch each other and engage in physical activity, exhibit patterns that suggests strong emotions -people who are passionately in love have high levels of PEA, a NT that enables info to travel from one brain cell to another; it helps produce high intensity and frequency of sexual desire Companionate Love (Affectionate Love) -mutual understanding and caring to make the relationship succeed -less strongly emotional -calmer and more serene -perceiving the other person as your soul mate or special partner -what makes people want to remain each other's good companions -likely to say things like "my wife is my best friend" -may be essential to a successful long-term marriage -does not seem to be characterized by elevated levels of PEA Passionate love may be their most effective emotion for starting a relationship; companionate love may be the most effective emotion for making it succeed and survive in the long run
What is the "exotic becomes erotic" theory?
Proposed by Darly Bem -he proposed that a specific gene for homosexuality does not exist but that genes do contribute to temperament -homosexuals follow a similar developing process as heterosexual except they typically play with the other gender rather than their own Holds that emotions arise when people have a bodily response of arousal and then put a label on it
Self-acceptance
Regarding yourself as being a reasonably good person as you are -a more minimal form of self-love -may be more helpful in a relationship that some extreme versions of self-love and self-esteem (narcissism)
How does culture play a role in love?
Romantic love is found in the vast majority of cultures around the world, though not in every single one. -forms & expressions of romantic passion vary significantly, as does the cultures attitude towards passionate love -some cultures view it as a major form of fulfillment in life while other cultures do not place the much value on it
What is the social relations model?
Seek out and sort with specific mates -actor effect = what you usually think of potential mates -partner effect = what others think of potential mates -relationship = what appeals to you individually and not others; it's the weird idiosyncratic stuff in relationships such as couples appearing poorly matched
What are the different theories of sexuality?
Social Constructionist Theory -theories asserting that attitudes and behaviors, including sexual desire and sexual behavior, are strongly shaped by culture and socialization -most influential theory during the sexual revolution (1960s-1970s) -acknowledges that there may be some biological foundations to sex, but most forms of sexual desire are seen as the result of cultural conditioning -feminist theory allied itself with this approach to sex --- women's sexuality was shaped by how men had long sought to control and oppress women Evolutionary Theory -theory of sexuality asserting that the sex drive has been shaped by natural selection and that its forms thus tend to be innate -people today are mainly descended from people who had desirable genetic patterns -sees gender differences as rooted in biology and hence as less flexible and less influenced by politics and culture -brief, casual, one-time sexual encounters will be more appealing to men than women bc it does not expend as much time, effort, or other resources whereas for women it can result in a baby --- also why men are less choosy when it comes to finding a partner -having sex with low-quality partners is more costly for women than men Social Exchange Theory -theory that seeks to understand social behavior by analyzing the costs and benefits of interacting with each other -it assumes that sex is a resource that women have and men want, therefore, men have to give women other resources in exchange for sex (money, attention, respect, love, commitment) -provides a economic perspective on sex: women's sexuality is the supply, and men's sexuality creates the demand
What are the different thinking styles of couples?
Some of the crucial differences between happy and unhappy couples are based on the attributions they make -happy couples: attribute the partners unpleasant behaviors to some external factor; good acts are attributed to the partner's inner qualities -unhappy couples: partner doing something good is attributed to external factors Relationship-enhancing style of attribution -tendency of happy couples to attribute their partner's good acts to internal factors and bad acts to external factors Distress-maintaining style of attribution -tendency of unhappy couples to attribute their partner's good acts to external factors and bad acts to internal factors
What is Sternberg's Triangle and what does it propose about the theory of the nature of love?
Sternberg proposes that love is composed of 3 different ingredients: 1. Passion - feelings of romantic attraction, physical attraction to the other person, and sexual interest; it is an emotional state characterized by highly bodily arousal, such as increased heart rate and blood pressure 2. Intimacy - the common core of all love relationships; a feeling of closeness, mutual understanding, and mutual concern for each other's welfare and happiness 3. Decision & Commitment - commitments based on decisions remain constant unless they are deliberately revoked; a conscious decision that remains constant Any given love relationship can mix these 3 ingredients in any combination -he concludes that intimacy is the most common ingredient Time courses of ingredients: 1. Passion - arises quickly but tends to diminish after a while 2. Intimacy - arises more slowly but can continue increasing for a long time, and it often remains high after it stops rising 3. Decisions & commitments - typically made at particular points in time The shift from passionate to companionate love is explained in this theory in terms of a change in the mixture of love's ingredients -companionate: emphasizes intimacy & commitment -passionate: consists mainly of passion
Paternity Uncertainty
The fact that a man cannot be sure that the children born to his female partner are his
What is the biggest factor of all in determining jealousy?
The number of other people who now about the extradyadic sex -this is probably due to self-Presentation and reputation *Social reality* is an important determinant of jealousy -beliefs held in common by several or many people (public awareness)
What is the investment model?
Theory that uses 3 factors -- satisfaction, alternatives, and investments -- to explain why people stay with their long-term relationship partners (Rusbult, 1998) -satisfaction: do you like your partner? Are you glad you have this particular relationship? Do you enjoy spending time together? -alternatives: the quality of available alternatives; maybe relationship isn't really satisfying but you don't see any alternatives; maybe relationship is satisfying but if someone clearly better then you partner comes along and makes an offer, you may be tempted to leave --- a decision on whether to stay or leave a particular relationship doesn't only depend on how you evaluate the relationship -investment: how much the individual has invested in the relationships; investments can be "sunk costs" = the person put in time, effort, emotion, and other resources into a relationship and cannot get them back out and that person may be resistant to ending the relationship -these 3 factors together = strong basis for prediction of whether couples will stay together or break apart; individually they are not a very statistically strong basis for prediction -explains some phenomenons: why people remain in abusive relationships
What are some benefits of commitment?
When commitment is made, it makes the relationship stronger -can motivate couples to work out their differences rather than splitting up -studies show higher levels of commitment made people more sensitive and vulnerable to relationship problems in the short run, but also made them more resilient to these problems in the short run -weddings are important devices for commitment (also something only cultural animals do) However, -the more you care about a relationship the more its problems are going to bother you
