6.05 Cultivating Commentary

Commentary is NOT summary.

-Commentary is developed, deep, and original. -Summary is basic, surface-level, and common.

When we write, everyone has access to the same quotations and examples from primary sources. What, then, makes one student's writing stand out from another student's ideas? Commentary on those quotations and examples is what gives a piece of writing voice, style, and most importantly, substance. Commentary occurs when we interact or converse with the evidence or details. Commentary may take the form of:

-Interpretation -Explanation -Evaluation -Analysis -Insight -Reflection -Reaction

Offers commentary on the support.

-It serves to remind the US population of where our country has been and can give citizens a feeling of pride that can be matched by few other countries. With this reminder of where we have been comes a respect for the traditions of our ancestors. -While new technology and trends come and go, a personal touch and sentimental value gives the USPS value more profound than speed or ease. -The USPS represents more than a graph of profit or delivery points. It represents a long standing tradition that unites Americans.

Offers commentary on the support.

-Many fairy-tale idealists claim that ideally, happiness is not attached to wealth. -Hazlitt makes the point that the real world is all that matters. While love and happiness may be ignorant, it is hard to love someone on an empty stomach, and this idea is enforced in Hazlitt's connotative diction. However, it is not only these adverbs that show Hazlitt's pragmatism; the entire piece is full of strong, albeit cynical, diction. The verbs in the primary sentence of the piece all vary, but inevitably end up meaning the same thing; -The straight denotation of these words is clear: poor men do not lead fun lives. In addition to this, however, it is important to note that all of these verbs are passive. The connotation of this is that the lower class men are not in control of their lives, and are instead controlled by the rich who neglect them. This despairing word choice shines a dark light on the self-fulfillment and autonomy those without money can never achieve.

Offers paraphrased or quoted support from the sources.

-One of Hazlitt's most effective methods of promoting the importance of money is his strong diction. The first three words of the piece, "literally and truly," set the mood for the entire passage. -However, by emphasizing two near synonyms, "literally and truly," with the word "and," -beggars will be "rejected" and "compelled"; they will not be "asked out to dinner" or "noticed on the street"; they are "scrutinized," neglected," assailed," and all-around abused.

Offers paraphrased or quoted support from the sources.

-The United States Postal Service not only serves to deliver mail, get money orders, and set up PO boxes, but also to remain a symbol of our country's development and progress (Doc D.)= -Cullen argues, "Email is fast and simple, but to me, an old-fashioned, handwritten letter has value in this speed-obsessed world" (Doc F.) -Hawkins agrees, "It's nice to sometimes get a personally written letter in the mail... nothing replaces a personally written letter to an old friend. It gives the message a more intimate feeling" (Doc D.)

Commentary answers essential questions:

-What does this example prove or reveal? -How does the evidence support the assertion or claim? -Why is this idea or example important? -So what? Advanced writers use their commentary to address larger implications or complexities of the examples or evidence they have discussed.

Commentary in a synthesis response is slightly different than commentary in a rhetorical analysis. Commentary in a synthesis is focused more on ideas and implications rather than technique and effect. With the Synthesis prompt, you will work with written material and will need to make sure you are commenting (not summarizing) in your response. Commentary in a synthesis will:

-elaborate on ideas -explain implications -evaluate the validity of ideas -engage in conversation with the sources

Practice!

Before working to develop your own commentary, check out these student samples from actual AP responses. Pay attention to how their evidence and commentary work together to support their assertions.

Read the following excerpt of an actual student's high-scoring essay response on the 2012 exam. The student was instructed to "Carefully read the following seven sources, including the introductory information for each source. Then synthesize information from at least three of the sources and incorporate it into a coherent, well-developed essay that argues a clear position on whether the USPS should be restructured to meet the needs of a changing world, and if so, how."

In a fast-paced society of sleek innovations and modern new technologies, it can be easy to get lost in the hype of popular new gadgets and trends while, if not forgetting, moving away from the traditions and enterprises that were so vital to the United States as a developing country. One of those pioneering enterprises, the United States Postal Service (USPS) has become a casualty of the innovation we laud so highly. While we should not discount the progress made in the past decades that has facilitated transition to faster and sleeker technologies, it is also paramount that we support and maintain traditions and symbols of the American Dream, like USPS, by applying modern principles and revamping the company's image and organization. The United States Postal Service not only serves to deliver mail, get money orders, and set up PO boxes, but also to remain a symbol of our country's development and progress (Doc D.) It serves to remind the US population of where our country has been and can give citizens a feeling of pride that can be matched by few other countries. With this reminder of where we have been comes a respect for the traditions of our ancestors. Cullen argues, "Email is fast and simple, but to me, an old-fashioned, handwritten letter has value in this speed-obsessed world" (Doc F.) While new technology and trends come and go, a personal touch and sentimental value gives the USPS value more profound than speed or ease. Hawkins agrees, "It's nice to sometimes get a personally written letter in the mail... nothing replaces a personally written letter to an old friend. It gives the message a more intimate feeling" (Doc D.) The USPS represents more than a graph of profit or delivery points. It represents a long standing tradition that unites Americans.

States the assertion or claim.

In his aforementioned essay, Hazlitt makes the argument that money is, in fact, a part of a prosperous life, and by using a despondent word choice and interesting syntactical strategies, he effectively shows that, if money cannot buy happiness, a lack thereof can surely lead to sorrow.

Read the following excerpt from an actual student response to a question given on the 2006 AP Language & Composition exam. The student was instructed to read a passage, and then to "write an essay in which you analyze the rhetorical strategies Hazlitt [the author] uses to develop his position about money."

Men who can spout off nothing more than clichés often say that money can't buy happiness. William Hazlitt, author of "On the Want of Money," says they are wrong. In his aforementioned essay, Hazlitt makes the argument that money is, in fact, a part of a prosperous life, and by using a despondent word choice and interesting syntactical strategies, he effectively shows that, if money cannot buy happiness, a lack thereof can surely lead to sorrow. One of Hazlitt's most effective methods of promoting the importance of money is his strong diction. The first three words of the piece, "literally and truly," set the mood for the entire passage. Many fairy-tale idealists claim that ideally, happiness is not attached to wealth. However, by emphasizing two near synonyms, "literally and truly," with the word "and," Hazlitt makes the point that the real world is all that matters. While love and happiness may be ignorant, it is hard to love someone on an empty stomach, and this idea is enforced in Hazlitt's connotative diction. However, it is not only these adverbs that show Hazlitt's pragmatism; the entire piece is full of strong, albeit cynical, diction. The verbs in the primary sentence of the piece all vary, but inevitably end up meaning the same thing; beggars will be "rejected" and "compelled"; they will not be "asked out to dinner" or "noticed on the street"; they are "scrutinized," neglected," assailed," and all-around abused. The straight denotation of these words is clear: poor men do not lead fun lives. In addition to this, however, it is important to note that all of these verbs are passive. The connotation of this is that the lower class men are not in control of their lives, and are instead controlled by the rich who neglect them. This despairing word choice shines a dark light on the self-fulfillment and autonomy those without money can never achieve.

Think of a single paragraph as the lights on a traffic signal. You are "going" with your assertion or claim at the green light. Then, you "slow down" and offer specific details or evidence to support your assertion at the yellow light. Finally, you "stop" and comment on your evidence at the red light. Stay at the stop light for a bit. Then, you continue the evidence (yellow light) and commentary (red light) pattern until you have fully supported your assertion.

This balance of evidence and commentary should continue throughout your supporting paragraph, using a varied sentence structure. Sometimes, your evidence and commentary will be separate sentences; sometimes, they may be part of the same sentence.

States the assertion or claim.

While we should not discount the progress made in the past decades that has facilitated transition to faster and sleeker technologies, it is also paramount that we support and maintain traditions and symbols of the American Dream, like USPS, by applying modern principles and revamping the company's image and organization.