Chapter 11

Indirect approach

A view that best way to approach conflict is to use vague and nonspecific language.

Restraint approach

A view that the best way to deal with conflict is by hiding or suppressing feelings and emotion. Important to control and internalize one's feelings during conflict and to avoid nonverbal emotion. Uncomfortable with emotional expression and they think that it may hurt others. Relationships are made stronger by keeping one's emotions in check and protecting the "face" and honor of the other person. Credibility is demonstrated by maintaining tight control over one's emotions.

Emotional expressiveness approach

A view that the best way to deal with conflict is by overt displays of feeling. They think it is better to show emotion during disagreement that to hide or suppress feelings; they show emotion through expressive and nonverbal behavior and vocalization. Also believe that this outward display of emotions means that one really cares and is committed to resolving the conflict. One's credibility is based on the ability to be expressive.

Direct approach

A view that the best way to deal with conflict is to use precise and specific language. Some cultural groups think conflict as fundamentally good - approach is very directly. Working through conflicts constructively results in stronger, healthier and more satisfying relationships.

Be Creative and Expand Your Style Repertoire

If particular way of dealing with conflict is not working, be willing to try a different style. People often seem to get "frozen" into a conflict style.

Recognize the Importance of Conflict Context

Important to understand the larger social, economic, political and historical contexts that give meaning to many of conflict. Important to let the context explain the behavior as much as possible.

Intermediary

In a formal setting, a professional third party, such as a lawyer, real estate agent, or counselor, who intervenes when two parties and in conflict. Informal intermediaries may be friends or colleagues who intervene.

Incompatibility

Incapable of existing harmoniously.

Be Willing to Forgive

Letting go of - not forgetting - feelings of revenge. It is present in every culture and is part of the human condition. Revenge and forgiveness are instinctual and universal among humans and both have developed as adaptive mechanisms in human evolution.

Sidenote

Men using a more engagement conflict style; Women use a more accommodating style. Behaviors are context-specific. Tend to be different in a heterosexual romantic relationship.

Mediation

More scholars and mediators are looking at other cultural models that may work better in intercultural conflicts. Augsburger suggests that the culturally sensitive mediator engages in conflict transformation (not conflict resolution or conflict management). Use mediation models based on nondirect means. North American mediation tends to be more formal and structural, involving direct confrontation and communication, most traditional cultural models are more communally based, with involvement by trusted leaders. Indirect communication is preferred in order to permit individuals to save face. The process is more dynamic, direct toward resolving tension in the community - the responsibility of the disputant to their larger community is ventral.

civility

Most productive to be polite, respectful, and maybe even avoid direct confrontation. Emphasis on civility actually constructs barriers to productive understanding and reinforces the very inequality and injustice it portends to address. Maintains the distance it initially appears to bridge - is not the way people build close relations.

Stay Centered and Do Not Polarize

Move beyond traditional stereotypes and either-or thinking. Practice self-restraint. It's okay to get angry but it's important to move past the anger and to refrain from acting out feelings.

Interdependent

Mutually dependent.

Conflict

The interference between two or more interdependent individuals or groups of people who perceive incompatible goals, values, or expectations in attaining those ends.

Engagement style

Combines the direct and emotional expressive approaches to conflict. Intense verbal and nonverbal expression of emotion as demonstrating sincerity and willingness to engage intensely to resolve conflict. African Americans and Southern Europeans (France, Greece, Italy, Spain) some people in Russia and the Middle East (Israel).

Discussion style

Combines the direct and emotional restrained approach to conflict. Emphasizes a verbal direct approach - "say what you mean and mean what you say." Comfortable expressing disagreements directly but prefer to be emotionally restrained. Predominant style - white Americans, Europeans, Australians, and New Zealanders.

Dynamic style

Combines the indirect and emotional expressive approaches to conflict. Strong language, stories, metaphors, and use of third-party intermediaries. Comfortable with more emotionally confrontational talk and view credibility in their degree of emotional expressiveness. Arabs in the Middle East.

Accommodating style

Combines the indirect and emotional restrained manner. Indirect approach and a more emotionally restrained manner. "Doesn't go out of control." American Indians, Latin Americans, Asians. "Silence produces peace, and peace produces safety" - Swahili, "The first to raise their voice loses the argument" - Chinese

Facework

Communication strategies used to "save" our own or someone else's "face", or public image. Face negotiation theory links cultural values to facework and conflict styles. How we "do" facework varies from culture and influences conflict style.

Hi

Concentrate on the meaning that is "outside" the verbal message and tend to protect the "face" of the person with whom they disagree. Rely on third parties to help. Goal is to make sure that the relationship stays intact during the disagreement. Emphasis on past history of the disputants and try to build a deeper relationship that involved increased obligation toward each other

Dialogue

Conversation that is slow, careful, full of feeling, respectful and attentive. Assumes the transformative power of speaking and being understood; it involves listening and speaking, not to persuade, but to clarify - truly understand an opposing viewpoint. Possible only between two persons or two groups whose power relationships is more or less in balance. Offers important opportunity to come to a richer understanding of intercultural conflict and experiences.

default style

Deal with conflict in the way they learned while growing up - default style. Primary influence is our family background. How someone chooses to deal with conflict depends on the type of conflict and the relationship she/he has with the other person.

Pacifism

Opposition to the use of force under any circumstances. Avoidance or dealing with conflict very indirectly. "say what's on your mind" - articulate carefully and select the "best" solution based on an agreed-upon set of criteria.

Social movements

Organized activities in which individuals work together to bring about social change. Use confrontation as a strategy to highlight the injustices of the present system. African American students in Greensboro, NC, sat down at white-only lunch counters in the 1960s - pointing out the injustices of segregation. They were being nonviolent but drew a violent reaction. This type of confrontation exposes the injustices of society and opens the way for social change.

Mediation

The act of resolving conflict by having someone intervene between two parties (lawyers, real estate agents, therapists). Difficult for people who are taught to use the discussion or engaging style to see the value in the accommodating style or in nonviolent approaches.

Intercultural conflict

conflict between two or more cultural groups. Tend to be more ambiguous than intracultural conflict. Language issues and contradictory conflict styles. Hard to handle conflict effectively when individuals don't now the language well. Silence can be appropriate depending on the cultural context. Intercultural conflict can be seen in the current debate - whether or not Muslim women should be allowed to wear veils in public

Cross-cultural studies of premodern cultures

found that many had developed compensation strategies and forgiveness rituals for quelling revenge, which often included accepting "blood money" as alternative to killing a murdered or one of his or her relatives. Restorative justice conferences are extremely effective at reducing the desire for revenge and fostering forgiveness.

Several models of forgivenessincludes an acknowledgement of feelings of hurt and anger and a need for healing.

includes an acknowledgement of feelings of hurt and anger and a need for healing. 1. Remembering versus Forgetting - may be good to forget the transgression while, it may also be productive to remember so as not to get involved in repeat of conflict 2. Heart versus Mind - tension between strong emotional response to conflict and sometimes needing to engage a more intellectual, cognitive approach to forgiveness 3. Trust vs Risk - forgiveness is sometimes a process of rebuilding trust and reducing future relational risk 4. Mercy vs Justice - trying to let go of hostile feelings, extending mercy to the transgressor and letting go of a desire for revenge and retribution (most fundamental dialectic) Easier to forgive when one can see the offender as someone who is care worthy, valuable and safe and when the vengeful impulse has been satisfied to some degree - knowing offender has been punished. - Important part of apologizing and asking for forgiveness may be compensation and some measure of restorative justice.

Productive conflict

individuals or groups limit conflict to the original issue. Direct the conflict towards cooperative problem solving. Trust leadership that stresses mutually satisfactory outcomes.

Collectivistic

more concerned with preserving group harmony and with saving the other person's face. Use less direct conversational style; protecting the other person's face and making him or her look good is considered a skillful facework style. Indirect ways of dealing with conflict.

When people witness conflict

often assume it is cause by personal issues. We lose sight of the larger social and political forces that contextualize these conflicts.

Individualistic

tend to be more concerned with saving their own face than another person's - use more direct conflict management styles.

Destructive conflict

they escalate the conflict from the original issues, with any aspect of the relationship open for reexamination. Strategies involve use of power, threats, coercion, and deception. Polarized behind single-minded and militant leadership.

Competitive atmosphere

will promote coercion, deception, suspicion, and rigidity and lead to poor communication. Relies on argumentation.

Cooperative atmosphere

will promote perceived similarity, trust, and flexibility and leap to open communication. Establish a positive, cooperative atmosphere in the beginning stages of the relationship or group interaction. Essential to setting is exploration - put the issue of conflict on hold and then explore other options or delegate the problem to a third party. Give up blaming and persuasion in favor of exploration of new ideas or positions.