Chapter 11 - Relationships
2 Elements Present in most Friendships
1) Choice 2) High reciprocity
5 Stages of Friendships
1)Acquaintance 2)Buildup 3)Continuation 4)Deterioration - after years of friendship, less in common, making new friends 5)Ending
3 themes of adult friendships
1)Affective (Emotional) 2)Communal (Social) 3)Sociability (Compatibility)
Canadian Marriage
Adults in their Twenties 64% females unmarried 75% males unmarried
Why are they choosing to marry later in life?
Because they want to establish their careers first Fewer men remain unmarried throughout adulthood - why? Because men can select from a larger age range of unmarried women when they do choose to marry
Traditional View
China, India, Iran, Nigeria) Arranged marriages the norm (loyalty to family)
Major cause of Marital Break
Finances
Fischer - Three brain systems for love
Love, Sex Drive, Attachment
Marital Success
Maturity of partners At the time married Erikson - identity formation Financial Security Pregnancy at the time of the marriage Homogamy Similarity - values - interests - age - goals - attitudes - desire for children - behaviors (drinking) - religion - ethnicity - political beliefs EX - Research has found that sharing religious beliefs and spirituality with one's spouse is actually a good indicator a marriage will succeed
Sternberg- Love relationships
Passion, Intimacy, Commitment = ideally you should have all three
The Happiest Couples
People who have just retired
Chasity
Showed the most variation as to whether it was important to mate selection Highly desired in some cultures Matters little in other cultures
Falling in Love
Similarity is important Physical attraction is important (especially early on)
Battered Woman Syndrome
Situation in which a woman believes that she cannot leave an abusive relationship
Sibling Friendships
The importance that men and women place on sibling relationships varies across adulthood and is weakest during middle age.
Female Friendships
activities involve confiding (self-disclosure, intimacy) - more comfortable with their vulnerability
Secure Attachment style
closer relationships in adulthood
Equal (exchange theory)
perspective that relationships are based on contributing things the other partner would struggle providing
Marriage Education
perspective that spousal relationships will survive longer when couples are better prepared for marriage
Familism
perspective that the household's well-being takes precedence over the concerns of individual family members may be that you just value family in your culture or community
Vulnerability-Stress-Adaptation Model
perspective which views marital quality as a dynamic process resulting from the couple's ability to handle stressful events in the context of their particular vulnerabilities and resources or susceptibility to stress May lead to break up in the end Or may lead to staying together - depends on a combination of factors
Buss Study - 2 Dimensions
1)traditional vs. non-traditional values dictates the qualities of a desirable mate 2)relative importance of education, intelligence, and social refinement
Intimate Partner Violence
IPV interventions focus on male perpetrators IPV in gay and lesbian relationships Similar rates as heterosexual couples Lesbian couples slightly higher reasons for abuse include dissatisfaction with the relationship and alcohol abuse
Divorce Rates
In the U.S. today, the odds of a couple who got married between the ages of 20 and 24 getting divorced are around 60%.
Non Traditional View
Netherlands, Great Britain, Finland, Sweden, Italian Hold traditional values- much lesser extent Place more value on Western ideals
Buss study - relative importance of education, intelligence, and social refinement
Spain, Columbia, Greece Value education, intelligence and social refinement Indonesia Greater emphasis on pleasing disposition (Same for men and women)
Marital Adjustment
degree to which spouses accommodate to each other over a certain period of time
3 Reasons for Cohabitation
Convenience (shared finances or sexual access) No long-term commitment and marriage is not usually the goal Trial Marriage Instead of Marriage
Females and Cohabitation
Females typically cohabitate for reasons of convenience - she is often less open to cohabitation than he is - often expects he will make a serious commitment down the road - and does not view cohabitation as a permanent situation
Differences in relationships and friendships
Friendships: less sexual energy, less emotionally intense, last longer, less consuming
Pattern of Satisfaction over time
Marriage -> Honeymoon High- High - Low
Flynn (2007)
One defines the quality of one's friendships by the satisfaction derived from the relationship
Male Friendships
activities involve "friendly" competition
Sociability (Compatibility)
our friends keep us entertained and are sources of amusement, fun and recreation
Chemical Process of Love
- Dopamine goes wild - long term commitment and tranquility - brain processes switch neurochemically to substances related to morphine (2-3 years) - People with a predilection to fall in love also tend to show left hemisphere chemical dominance and several changes in neurochemical processing ( Kurup & Kurup, 2003). Additional research indicates that the hormone oxytocin may play an important role in attachment and women's orgasms, among other things, which has earned it the nickname of the " cuddle hormone"
Extended
- grandparents and other relatives live with parents and children (the most common family form around the world) Blended
Nuclear family
- household consisting only of parent(s) and child(ren)- most common unit
Online Relationships
- people who are introverted or shy - Good if you have social or dating anxiety as well - benefits without the stress of face to face interaction
Con's of cross-sex friendships
-Very difficult if one friend is in a commited relationship, often results in jealousy -misperceptions and pressures against them from third parties -men tend to overperceive and women tend to underperceive their friends' sexual interest in them
Stats on abuse
6% of Canadians reported physical/sexual equal for men and women, but women report more sever abuse 3x more likely to report sexually assaulted, beaten, choked or threatened with a knife or gun
Marital Satisfaction/Marital Quality
A global assessment of one's marriage subjective evaluation of the couple's relationship on a number of different dimensions
Marital Success
An umbrella term referring to any marital outcome (such as divorce rate)
Cohabitation
Couples who live together before they get married (that is, those who cohabitate) have a significantly HIGHER divorce rate than those who chose not to do so The # of couples cohabitating increased significantly in the last decade of the 20th century
Key Predictors of Marital Dissatisfaction
Disillusionment Decline in feeling in love Decline in demonstrations of affection Decline in feeling one's spouse is responsive Increased in feelings of ambivalence
Factors of Vulnerability-Stress-Adaptation Model
Enduring Vulnerabilities Marital Dissolution Change in Marital Satisfaction Adaptive Processes Initial Satisfaction External Stressors
The Bank of 'Us'
How many withdrawals? How many deposits? Bankruptcy
Buss Study - women's traditional values
Man's ambition and industry Him being a good financial prospect Holding favorable social status
USA Marriage
Marriage is decreasing 70% women/80% men between the (ages of 20-24) in USA are unmarried
Deciding Whether to Have children
One of the biggest decisions People tend not to think about it much until they are ready Finances are a great consideration (lifestyle determinant) $244,000 for middle income parents to raise a child to 18 Personal choice is also a factor Infertility may also be a factor How you got along with your own parents may play a role
Latino Americans and southern Anglo Americans
Placed more value on honor Rated a woman in an abusive relationship more positively if she stayed with the man Less disapproving of a woman being shoved and restrained IF she portrayed herself as contrite and self-blaming As compared to Anglo Americans in northern states Rated women more positively if she left the man
Types of Abuse in Relationships o'Leary
Verbal - Need to control, misuse of power, jealousy, marital discord Physical - Acceptable of violence as means of control, physically aggressive models, abuse as a child, aggressive personality style, alcohol abuse Severly Physical - personality disorders, emotional swings, poor self-esteem
Cultural Influences
differences in religious traditions poor interaction of the in-laws depends on how close you are to the in-laws (both physically and emotionally)
Buss Study - Men's traditional values
female chastity female desire for home and children female being a good cook and housekeeper
Pros Of Cross-sex friendships
for men- lower levels of dating anxiety and higher capacity for intimacy however, such benefits are not evident for women
Communal (Social)
friends participate in or support activities of mutual interest
Avoidance Attachment Style
have trouble forming adult friendships
Similarities cross-culturally
men value physical attractiveness in women (in fact, attraction seems to transcend culture) women look for men capable of being good providers BOTH men/women - agree love and mutual attraction are most important - rate dependability, emotional stability, kindness, and understanding as IMPORTANT FACTORS
Affective (Emotional)
most frequently - refers to self-disclosure & expressions of intimacy, appreciation, affection and support (all of which are based on trust, loyalty, and commitment)
Patriarchal Terrorism
must be initiated by a man (by definition) IPV in China (for example) lifetime risk 43% for females Honor killings of women for misbehaving in some countries around the world In some cultures, women may be killed by their brothers or other male relatives killing the victim because the relatives believe she has violated the family's honor
Convenent
nuptial contract with a lifelong commitment between the partners within a supportive community makes it harder to divorce
Where to meet?
school , neighbourhood, religion, family networks =homogamy in relationships
homogamy
the degree to which people are similar in their values and interests
Neurochemicals
underlie the experience of exhilaration that is often experience when falling madly inlove - couples have high levels of dopamine at the beginning of love