Chapter 11 - Relationships

2 Elements Present in most Friendships

1) Choice 2) High reciprocity

5 Stages of Friendships

1)Acquaintance 2)Buildup 3)Continuation 4)Deterioration - after years of friendship, less in common, making new friends 5)Ending

3 themes of adult friendships

1)Affective (Emotional) 2)Communal (Social) 3)Sociability (Compatibility)

Canadian Marriage

Adults in their Twenties 64% females unmarried 75% males unmarried

Why are they choosing to marry later in life?

Because they want to establish their careers first Fewer men remain unmarried throughout adulthood - why? Because men can select from a larger age range of unmarried women when they do choose to marry

Traditional View

China, India, Iran, Nigeria) Arranged marriages the norm (loyalty to family)

Major cause of Marital Break

Finances

Fischer - Three brain systems for love

Love, Sex Drive, Attachment

Marital Success

Maturity of partners At the time married Erikson - identity formation Financial Security Pregnancy at the time of the marriage Homogamy Similarity - values - interests - age - goals - attitudes - desire for children - behaviors (drinking) - religion - ethnicity - political beliefs EX - Research has found that sharing religious beliefs and spirituality with one's spouse is actually a good indicator a marriage will succeed

Sternberg- Love relationships

Passion, Intimacy, Commitment = ideally you should have all three

The Happiest Couples

People who have just retired

Chasity

Showed the most variation as to whether it was important to mate selection Highly desired in some cultures Matters little in other cultures

Falling in Love

Similarity is important Physical attraction is important (especially early on)

Battered Woman Syndrome

Situation in which a woman believes that she cannot leave an abusive relationship

Sibling Friendships

The importance that men and women place on sibling relationships varies across adulthood and is weakest during middle age.

Female Friendships

activities involve confiding (self-disclosure, intimacy) - more comfortable with their vulnerability

Secure Attachment style

closer relationships in adulthood

Equal (exchange theory)

perspective that relationships are based on contributing things the other partner would struggle providing

Marriage Education

perspective that spousal relationships will survive longer when couples are better prepared for marriage

Familism

perspective that the household's well-being takes precedence over the concerns of individual family members may be that you just value family in your culture or community

Vulnerability-Stress-Adaptation Model

perspective which views marital quality as a dynamic process resulting from the couple's ability to handle stressful events in the context of their particular vulnerabilities and resources or susceptibility to stress May lead to break up in the end Or may lead to staying together - depends on a combination of factors

Buss Study - 2 Dimensions

1)traditional vs. non-traditional values dictates the qualities of a desirable mate 2)relative importance of education, intelligence, and social refinement

Intimate Partner Violence

IPV interventions focus on male perpetrators IPV in gay and lesbian relationships Similar rates as heterosexual couples Lesbian couples slightly higher reasons for abuse include dissatisfaction with the relationship and alcohol abuse

Divorce Rates

In the U.S. today, the odds of a couple who got married between the ages of 20 and 24 getting divorced are around 60%.

Non Traditional View

Netherlands, Great Britain, Finland, Sweden, Italian Hold traditional values- much lesser extent Place more value on Western ideals

Buss study - relative importance of education, intelligence, and social refinement

Spain, Columbia, Greece Value education, intelligence and social refinement Indonesia Greater emphasis on pleasing disposition (Same for men and women)

Marital Adjustment

degree to which spouses accommodate to each other over a certain period of time

3 Reasons for Cohabitation

Convenience (shared finances or sexual access) No long-term commitment and marriage is not usually the goal Trial Marriage Instead of Marriage

Females and Cohabitation

Females typically cohabitate for reasons of convenience - she is often less open to cohabitation than he is - often expects he will make a serious commitment down the road - and does not view cohabitation as a permanent situation

Differences in relationships and friendships

Friendships: less sexual energy, less emotionally intense, last longer, less consuming

Pattern of Satisfaction over time

Marriage -> Honeymoon High- High - Low

Flynn (2007)

One defines the quality of one's friendships by the satisfaction derived from the relationship

Male Friendships

activities involve "friendly" competition

Sociability (Compatibility)

our friends keep us entertained and are sources of amusement, fun and recreation

Chemical Process of Love

- Dopamine goes wild - long term commitment and tranquility - brain processes switch neurochemically to substances related to morphine (2-3 years) - People with a predilection to fall in love also tend to show left hemisphere chemical dominance and several changes in neurochemical processing ( Kurup & Kurup, 2003). Additional research indicates that the hormone oxytocin may play an important role in attachment and women's orgasms, among other things, which has earned it the nickname of the " cuddle hormone"

Extended

- grandparents and other relatives live with parents and children (the most common family form around the world) Blended

Nuclear family

- household consisting only of parent(s) and child(ren)- most common unit

Online Relationships

- people who are introverted or shy - Good if you have social or dating anxiety as well - benefits without the stress of face to face interaction

Con's of cross-sex friendships

-Very difficult if one friend is in a commited relationship, often results in jealousy -misperceptions and pressures against them from third parties -men tend to overperceive and women tend to underperceive their friends' sexual interest in them

Stats on abuse

6% of Canadians reported physical/sexual equal for men and women, but women report more sever abuse 3x more likely to report sexually assaulted, beaten, choked or threatened with a knife or gun

Marital Satisfaction/Marital Quality

A global assessment of one's marriage subjective evaluation of the couple's relationship on a number of different dimensions

Marital Success

An umbrella term referring to any marital outcome (such as divorce rate)

Cohabitation

Couples who live together before they get married (that is, those who cohabitate) have a significantly HIGHER divorce rate than those who chose not to do so The # of couples cohabitating increased significantly in the last decade of the 20th century

Key Predictors of Marital Dissatisfaction

Disillusionment Decline in feeling in love Decline in demonstrations of affection Decline in feeling one's spouse is responsive Increased in feelings of ambivalence

Factors of Vulnerability-Stress-Adaptation Model

Enduring Vulnerabilities Marital Dissolution Change in Marital Satisfaction Adaptive Processes Initial Satisfaction External Stressors

The Bank of 'Us'

How many withdrawals? How many deposits? Bankruptcy

Buss Study - women's traditional values

Man's ambition and industry Him being a good financial prospect Holding favorable social status

USA Marriage

Marriage is decreasing 70% women/80% men between the (ages of 20-24) in USA are unmarried

Deciding Whether to Have children

One of the biggest decisions People tend not to think about it much until they are ready Finances are a great consideration (lifestyle determinant) $244,000 for middle income parents to raise a child to 18 Personal choice is also a factor Infertility may also be a factor How you got along with your own parents may play a role

Latino Americans and southern Anglo Americans

Placed more value on honor Rated a woman in an abusive relationship more positively if she stayed with the man Less disapproving of a woman being shoved and restrained IF she portrayed herself as contrite and self-blaming As compared to Anglo Americans in northern states Rated women more positively if she left the man

Types of Abuse in Relationships o'Leary

Verbal - Need to control, misuse of power, jealousy, marital discord Physical - Acceptable of violence as means of control, physically aggressive models, abuse as a child, aggressive personality style, alcohol abuse Severly Physical - personality disorders, emotional swings, poor self-esteem

Cultural Influences

differences in religious traditions poor interaction of the in-laws depends on how close you are to the in-laws (both physically and emotionally)

Buss Study - Men's traditional values

female chastity female desire for home and children female being a good cook and housekeeper

Pros Of Cross-sex friendships

for men- lower levels of dating anxiety and higher capacity for intimacy however, such benefits are not evident for women

Communal (Social)

friends participate in or support activities of mutual interest

Avoidance Attachment Style

have trouble forming adult friendships

Similarities cross-culturally

men value physical attractiveness in women (in fact, attraction seems to transcend culture) women look for men capable of being good providers BOTH men/women - agree love and mutual attraction are most important - rate dependability, emotional stability, kindness, and understanding as IMPORTANT FACTORS

Affective (Emotional)

most frequently - refers to self-disclosure & expressions of intimacy, appreciation, affection and support (all of which are based on trust, loyalty, and commitment)

Patriarchal Terrorism

must be initiated by a man (by definition) IPV in China (for example) lifetime risk 43% for females Honor killings of women for misbehaving in some countries around the world In some cultures, women may be killed by their brothers or other male relatives killing the victim because the relatives believe she has violated the family's honor

Convenent

nuptial contract with a lifelong commitment between the partners within a supportive community makes it harder to divorce

Where to meet?

school , neighbourhood, religion, family networks =homogamy in relationships

homogamy

the degree to which people are similar in their values and interests

Neurochemicals

underlie the experience of exhilaration that is often experience when falling madly inlove - couples have high levels of dopamine at the beginning of love