Chapter 12 (Close Relationships: Passion, intimacy, and sexuality)

downward spiral of a relationships

-making your partner feel guilty (linked to anxious attachment style)

communal relationships

relationships based on mutual love and concern, without expectation of repayment -more mature and desirable -make people feel safe and secure and provide a haven where others care for you regardless of how much you achieve.

exchange relationships

relationships based on reciprocity and fairness, in which people expect something in return -promote achievement, increase wealth, and ultimately drive progress

relationship-enhancing style of attribution

tendency of happy couples to attribute their partner's good acts to internal factors and bad acts to external factors

distress-maintaining style of attribution

tendency of unhappy couples to attribute their partner's good acts to external factors and bad acts to internal factors

erotic plasticity

the degree to which the sex drive can be shaped and altered by social, cultural, and situational forces

paternity uncertainty

the fact that a man cannot be sure that the children born to his female partner are his

Coolidge effect

the sexually arousing power of a new partner (greater than the appeal of a familiar partner)

social constructionist theories

theories asserting that attitudes and behaviors, including sexual desire and sexual behavior, are strongly shaped by culture and socialization -1960s to 1970s

Evolutionary Theory

theory of sexuality asserting that the sex drive has been shaped by natural selection and that its forms thus tend to be innate

sexual exchange theory

theory that seeks to understand social behavior by analyzing the costs and benefits of interacting with each other; it assumes that sex is a resource that women have and men want

Good relationships essentially stay the same over long periods of time.

true

1) Passion

an emotional state characterized by high bodily arousal, such as increased heart rate and blood pressure -makes them want to kiss, hold hands, and perhaps have sex.

two dimensions of attachment

anxiety (attitude towards self) and avoidance (attitude towards other person)

3 types of attachment styles

anxious/ ambivalent (A), secure (B), and avoidant (C) from a one-item measure.

exotic is erotic

attracted to what makes them nervous

people who have a distress-maintaining attributional style make _________ attributions if their partner does something good, and __________ if their partner does something bad.

external; internal

companionate love (affectionate love)

mutual understanding and caring to make the relationship succeed

investment model

-explain why people stay with their long-term relationship partners 1. satisfaction 2. quality of available alternatives -Will you be happier in a relationship with someone else? 3. investment -Sunk Costs (too much effort you can't get back)

men with attractive wives were _________ about the marriage and stayed higher in relationship satisfaction than men with less attractive wives. The man's looks had __________ impact on the woman's satisfaction.

Happier; Little -Further work suggests, however, that the part of indifference to male beauty can be chalked up to birth control pills.

Sternerg's Triangular Theory of love

Sternberg proposed that any given love relationship can mix those three ingredients in any combination. 1) Passion 2) Intimacy 3) Commitment

Stereotypes about sex and gender

(a) Men want sex more than women. (true) (b) Men separate love and sex more than women. (false) (c) Women's sexuality is more natural, whereas men's sexuality reflects more cultural influence.(false) --Male sexuality is closer to nature and less affected by culture; women's sexuality is less biological and more closely tied to social and cultural meanings. (d) Women serve as "gatekeepers" who restrict the total amount of sex and decide whether and when sex will happen. (true)

Phenylethylamine (PEA)

-People who feel passionately in love have high levels of phenylethylamine (PEA), a neurotransmitter that enables information to travel from one brain cell to another. -This chemical produces strong emotional feelings, including those "tingling" sensations of excitement and euphoria that you get when the person you love walks into the room or holds your hand.

Feminist Theory

-allied itself closely with the social constructionist approach to sex. -In that view, women's sexuality was shaped by how men had long sought to control and oppress women; again, cultural influences (in this case, the influence of male-dominated culture on women) were seen as decisive.

4 different attachment styles

1) secure 2) preoccupied (anxious/ambivalent) 3)dismissing

cultural suppression of female sexuality

1)Women's sexuality responds to cultural influences better than men's, so if a culture wants to control sexuality, it will be more successful focusing on women. 2) Paternity uncertainty: cultural suppression of female sexuality is rooted in men's wish to control women.

Lisa Diamonds Studies on Sexual Orientation

Attachment can lead to sexual desire, and sexual intimacy can promote attachment, so the two are not entirely independent— which is why sometimes people find themselves attracted to someone of the "wrong" gender, however they have defined it.

Is compassionate love a mere product of western culture?

No. -Possibly, people in other cultures feel love as we do but do not place the same value on it and do not feel that a life without passionate love is by definition a lesser life.

Relationship temptation

Women: justify their current relationship, increase commitment men: reduce commitment

3) Commitment

a conscious decision that remains constant -reduced aggression with provocations -Companionate loves stems from commitment

2) Intimacy

a feeling of closeness, mutual understanding, and mutual concern for each other's welfare and happiness -common core of all love relationships -empathy -Companionate loves stems from intimacy

Attachment Theory (Bowlby)

a theory that classifies people into four attachment styles (secure, preoccupied, dismissing avoidant, and fearful avoidant) based on two dimensions (anxiety and avoidance)

people want their partner to see them in the little things and to see them in general.

accurately; positively

social reality

beliefs held in common by several or many people; public awareness --an important determinant of jealousy. If many other people know about your partner's infidelity, you may find it difficult to continue with the relationship. You

reverse double standard

condemning men more than women for the same sexual behavior

double standard

condemning women more than men for the same sexual behavior (e.g., premarital sex) -supported more by women

Research shows that the frequency of sexual intercourse declines by about ________ after the first year of marriage, from about 18 times per month during the first year to about 9 times per month in the second year.

half

Over the years, people in happy relationships say that their relationship; in fact, it.

imptoving; stays the same

When men outnumber women, the price of sex ____________

increases

Passion and intimacy have different time courses over a relationship. Passion ___________ dramatically and then tends to decline steadily over time, whereas intimacy starts low and tends to ____________ over time.

increases; increase

self-acceptance

regarding yourself as being a reasonably good person as you are -the best romantic partner

extradyadic sex

other than one's regular relationship partner

In order to have a happy long-term relationship with a significant other, it helps to have a ___________ view of one's partner.

positive

Exchange relationship is to communal relationship as __________ is to ____________.

reciprocity; concern

passionate love (romantic love)

strong feelings of longing, desire, and excitement toward a special person

secure attachment

style of attachment in which people are low on anxiety and low on avoidance; they trust their partners, share their feelings, provide and receive support and comfort, and enjoy their relationships

dismissing avoidant attachment

style of attachment in which people are low on anxiety but high on avoidance; they tend to view partners as unreliable, unavailable, and uncaring

preoccupied attachment

style of attachment in which people are low on avoidance but high on anxiety; they want and enjoy closeness but worry that their relationship partners will abandon them

fearful avoidant attachment

style of attachment in which people have both high anxiety and high avoidance; they have low opinions of themselves and keep others from getting close