Chapter 4: Listening Effectively

Nichols (1995) called listening a

"Lost art"

Bell and Mejer (2011), identifying poor listening as a

"Silent killer of productivity and profit," state change becomes extremely difficult to implement in a work environment when people are not listening

Miller (1994) suggests the "listener's lean" demonstrates

"Ultimate interest. This joyous feedback is reflexive. It physically endorses our communiqué"

You are not waiting to hear what you want to hear, but listening to

"What is said as it is said"

Adler (1983) proposes having four questions in mind while listening:

"What is the whole speech about?" "What are the main or pivotal ideas, conclusions, and arguments?" "Are the speaker's conclusions sound or mistaken?" and "What of it?"

He suggests listeners prepare themselves for active attention by creating a

Listening reminder

Learning is a result of

Listening, which in turn leads to even better listening and attentiveness to the other person

A listener who knows too much, or thinks they do,

Listens poorly

Learning to focus your attention on _____ is another skill to develop

Main points, key concepts, and gaining the overall gist of the speaker's talk

Our auditory cortex recognizes a sound has been heard and begins to process the sound by

Matching it to previously encountered sounds in a process known as auditory association

It is impossible to answer all these questions at the same time as you are listening. Instead, you have to be ready and willing to

Pay attention to the speaker's point of view and changes in direction, patiently waiting to see where she is leading you

The effective listener will instead accept that

People may have their own individual foibles, but they can still be good speakers and valuable sources of insight or information

Hearing is ______ , whereas listening requires you to pay _______ attention

Unintentional, conscious

The poor listener grows impatient, while the effective listener

Uses the extra processing time to process the speaker's words, distinguish key points, and mentally summarize them

Sending too many nonverbal responses to the speaker can

Go wrong too

Listening requires

Great effort

Public speaking requires an audience to _____ , otherwise it's private speaking

Hear

Attention is the fundamental difference between

Hearing and listening

Bad listeners make

Snap judgments that justify the decision to be inattentive

Tests of listening comprehension show the average person listening at only

25% efficiency

Communication loop

A traditional communication model that has both sender and receiver sharing responsibility for communicating a message, listening, and offering feedback. The sender encodes a message for the receiver to decode. Effectiveness of the communication depends on the two sharing a similar interpretation of the message and feedback (which can be verbal or nonverbal).

Listening to a point of view is not the same as

Accepting that point of view

To better learn to listen it is first important to

Acknowledge strengths and weaknesses as listeners

Listening is one of the first skills infants gain, using it to

Acquire language and learn to communicate with their parents

Taking notes can also

Advance your ability to be actively engaged in the speaker's words

When is it critical to make up your own mind about where you stand- whether you agree or disagree with the speaker?

After listening

When you are asleep but wake in a panic having heard a noise downstairs, an

Age-old selfpreservation response is kicking in

Eye contact

Another nonverbal cue to the speaker that you are paying attention

We routinely ignore the barriers to our effective listening; yet

Anticipating, judging, or reacting emotionally can all hinder our ability to listen attentively

The active listener who employs the positive attributes detailed in this chapter is more likely to be

Better liked, in turn increasing her self esteem; is also likely to be better able to reduce tension in situations and resolve conflict

Hoppe (2006) lists many professional advantages of active listening, indicating that it helps us:

Better understand and make connections between ideas and information; change perspectives and challenge assumptions; emphasize and show respect or appreciation, which can enhance our relationships; and build self-esteem

When the speaker says an _____ ______ , it can be even more difficult to listen effectively

Emotional trigger

The effective listener is instead

Calm with a focused and alert mind

Hoppe (2006) advises active listening is really a state of mind requiring us to

Choose to focus on the moment, being present and attentive while disregarding any of our anxieties of the day

Another useful strategy is to

Come prepared when you can

It (deaf spots) can be as little as a word or phrase that might cause "an emotional eruption" causing

Communication efficiency to drop rapidly

An effective listener will overlook this (misstating hometown of favorite athlete) minor gaffe and

Continue to give the speaker the benefit of the doubt

Nichols (1957)

Credited with first researching the field of listening, observed, "listening is hard work. It is characterized by faster heart action, quicker circulation of the blood, a small rise in bodily temperature"

Kaponya (1991) warns against psychological ______ ______ which impair our ability to perceive and understand things counter to our convictions

Deaf spots

Failing to acknowledge your deaf spots will leave you at a

Deficit when listening

Anticipating what we will say in response to the speaker is another detractor to

Effective listening

Jumping to conclusions about the speaker is another barrier to

Effective listening

Bommelje, Houston, and Smither (2003) studied effective listening among 125 college students and found a strong link between

Effective listening and school success, supporting previous research in the field linking listening skills to grade point average

Once emotion is involved,

Effective listening stops

We need to be

Flexible, willing to follow a speaker along what seems like a verbal detour down a rabbit hole, until we are rewarded by the speaker reaching his final destination while his audience marvels at the creative means by which he reached his important point

Informational listening

Focused on gaining information whether from a teacher in a classroom setting, or a pastor at church

We can process information

Four times faster than a person speaks

Identifying the things that will interrupt your attention, and making a conscious choice to move to a different seat or turn off your phone, can

Help position you to listen more effectively

Recognizing this can help you to cultivate a more open perspective,

Helping you to better adjust as you listen actively to a speaker

The only answer is _____ , and recognizing there is always something new to be learned

Humility

Effective listening can also help you to make a better

Impression on employers

Paying attention to what a speaker is saying requires

Intentional effort on your part

Our bodies hear, but we need to employ

Intentional effort to actually listen

This can begin at the

Interview

When people aren't listening,

It becomes much more difficult to get things done effectively and trust is broken while fostering resentments

Hoppe (2006) connected listening skills to better

Leadership

Bommelje (2011) suggests listening is the activity we do most in

Life, second only to breathing

We regularly engage in several different types of

Listening

Appreciative listening

Listening for pleasure; when we are tuning our attention to a song we like, or a poetry reading, or actors in a play, or sitcom antics on television

Approaching the task of listening with a positive attitude and an open-mind will make the act of listening

Much easier

The sound is then transformed into

Nerve impulses so that we can perceive the sound in our brains

Other nonverbal cues

Nodding your head affirmatively, making back-channel responses such as "Yes," "Umhum," or "OK" can help the speaker gauge your interest

You can demonstrate openness to a speaker through your

Nonverbal communication

Listening is

Of the moment, and we often only get to hear the speaker's words once

A listener sitting up straight, facing you with an intent look on his face is more likely to

Offer reassurance that your words are being understood

Distinguishing the speaker's primary goal, his main points, and the structure of the speech are all easier when the listener is able to listen with an

Open mind

Effective listeners keep an

Open mind

Leaning in as a listener is far more encouraging than

Slumping in your seat

Hearing

Physiological response to sound waves moving through the air at up to 760 miles per hour

The key is for the listener to

Quickly ascertain the speaker's central premise or controlling idea

Critical listening

Requires us to be attentive to key points that influence or confirm our judgments; when at a political event, attending a debate, or enduring a salesperson touting the benefits of various brands of a product

You begin formulating a heated response to the speaker's perspective, or

Searing questions you might ask to show the holes in the speaker's argument

This same listener might also judge the speaker based on

Superficialities

A listener looking for an excuse not to give their full attention to the speaker will instead

Take this momentary lapse as proof of flaws in all the person has said and will go on to say

Instead of trying to write everything the speaker is saying down, use a

Tape recorder (with the speaker's permission)

Communication effectiveness is determined by

The level of shared interpretation of the message reached through listener response and feedback

The listener might find the speaker is taking too long to make a point and try to anticipate what the final conclusion is going to be. While doing this,

The listener has stopped actively listening to the speaker

Auditory association

The process by which the mind sorts the perceived sound into a category so that heard information is recognized. New stimuli is differentiated by comparing and contrasting with previously heard sounds.

Empathetic or therapeutic listening

Therapists, counselors, and conflict mediators are trained for this

If the audience members are more intent on reacting to or anticipating what is said,

They will be poor listeners indeed

Anticipating

Thinking about what the listener is likely to say; can detract from listening in several ways

First, we receive the sound in our ears. The wave of sound causes our eardrums to

Vibrate, which engages our brain to begin processing

A typical person can speak 125 wordsper-minute, yet

We can process up to three times faster, reaching as much as 500 words-per-minute

Often when we hear someone speak,

We don't know in advance what he is going to be saying

The manner in which you take the notes is up to you;

What is important is the fact that you are listening and working to process what is being said

What makes public speaking truly effective?

When the audience hears and listens

Relational listening

When we are listening to a friend or family member, building our relationship with another through offering support and showing empathy for her feelings in the situation she is discussing

Once you have an overall idea of the speech, determine the key points, and gauge your agreement, you can decide:

Why it matters, how it affects you, or what you might do as a result of what you have heard

Trying to recall what you heard is a challenge, because

Without your attention and intention to remember, the information is lost in the caverns of your cranium

It might help you to curtail your emotions. If you do encounter a point that incenses you,

Write it down to return to later

Two more ways to guarantee effective listening as you have found an internal motivation to listen attentively are

Writing down questions that come to mind and asking questions of the speaker when it is possible

While listening may be the communication skill we use foremost in formal education environments, it is taught the least (behind, in order:

Writing, reading, and speaking)

Attentive eye contact can indicate

You are listening, and help you to stay focused too

Any time you enter a listening situation with some advance working knowledge of the speaker and what might be expected of you as a listener,

You will be better able to adjust and engage more deeply in what is being said

Speed of your head nod can signal

Your level of patience or understanding

Boothman (2008) recommends listening with

Your whole body, not just your ears