Chapter 4: Listening Effectively
Nichols (1995) called listening a
"Lost art"
Bell and Mejer (2011), identifying poor listening as a
"Silent killer of productivity and profit," state change becomes extremely difficult to implement in a work environment when people are not listening
Miller (1994) suggests the "listener's lean" demonstrates
"Ultimate interest. This joyous feedback is reflexive. It physically endorses our communiqué"
You are not waiting to hear what you want to hear, but listening to
"What is said as it is said"
Adler (1983) proposes having four questions in mind while listening:
"What is the whole speech about?" "What are the main or pivotal ideas, conclusions, and arguments?" "Are the speaker's conclusions sound or mistaken?" and "What of it?"
He suggests listeners prepare themselves for active attention by creating a
Listening reminder
Learning is a result of
Listening, which in turn leads to even better listening and attentiveness to the other person
A listener who knows too much, or thinks they do,
Listens poorly
Learning to focus your attention on _____ is another skill to develop
Main points, key concepts, and gaining the overall gist of the speaker's talk
Our auditory cortex recognizes a sound has been heard and begins to process the sound by
Matching it to previously encountered sounds in a process known as auditory association
It is impossible to answer all these questions at the same time as you are listening. Instead, you have to be ready and willing to
Pay attention to the speaker's point of view and changes in direction, patiently waiting to see where she is leading you
The effective listener will instead accept that
People may have their own individual foibles, but they can still be good speakers and valuable sources of insight or information
Hearing is ______ , whereas listening requires you to pay _______ attention
Unintentional, conscious
The poor listener grows impatient, while the effective listener
Uses the extra processing time to process the speaker's words, distinguish key points, and mentally summarize them
Sending too many nonverbal responses to the speaker can
Go wrong too
Listening requires
Great effort
Public speaking requires an audience to _____ , otherwise it's private speaking
Hear
Attention is the fundamental difference between
Hearing and listening
Bad listeners make
Snap judgments that justify the decision to be inattentive
Tests of listening comprehension show the average person listening at only
25% efficiency
Communication loop
A traditional communication model that has both sender and receiver sharing responsibility for communicating a message, listening, and offering feedback. The sender encodes a message for the receiver to decode. Effectiveness of the communication depends on the two sharing a similar interpretation of the message and feedback (which can be verbal or nonverbal).
Listening to a point of view is not the same as
Accepting that point of view
To better learn to listen it is first important to
Acknowledge strengths and weaknesses as listeners
Listening is one of the first skills infants gain, using it to
Acquire language and learn to communicate with their parents
Taking notes can also
Advance your ability to be actively engaged in the speaker's words
When is it critical to make up your own mind about where you stand- whether you agree or disagree with the speaker?
After listening
When you are asleep but wake in a panic having heard a noise downstairs, an
Age-old selfpreservation response is kicking in
Eye contact
Another nonverbal cue to the speaker that you are paying attention
We routinely ignore the barriers to our effective listening; yet
Anticipating, judging, or reacting emotionally can all hinder our ability to listen attentively
The active listener who employs the positive attributes detailed in this chapter is more likely to be
Better liked, in turn increasing her self esteem; is also likely to be better able to reduce tension in situations and resolve conflict
Hoppe (2006) lists many professional advantages of active listening, indicating that it helps us:
Better understand and make connections between ideas and information; change perspectives and challenge assumptions; emphasize and show respect or appreciation, which can enhance our relationships; and build self-esteem
When the speaker says an _____ ______ , it can be even more difficult to listen effectively
Emotional trigger
The effective listener is instead
Calm with a focused and alert mind
Hoppe (2006) advises active listening is really a state of mind requiring us to
Choose to focus on the moment, being present and attentive while disregarding any of our anxieties of the day
Another useful strategy is to
Come prepared when you can
It (deaf spots) can be as little as a word or phrase that might cause "an emotional eruption" causing
Communication efficiency to drop rapidly
An effective listener will overlook this (misstating hometown of favorite athlete) minor gaffe and
Continue to give the speaker the benefit of the doubt
Nichols (1957)
Credited with first researching the field of listening, observed, "listening is hard work. It is characterized by faster heart action, quicker circulation of the blood, a small rise in bodily temperature"
Kaponya (1991) warns against psychological ______ ______ which impair our ability to perceive and understand things counter to our convictions
Deaf spots
Failing to acknowledge your deaf spots will leave you at a
Deficit when listening
Anticipating what we will say in response to the speaker is another detractor to
Effective listening
Jumping to conclusions about the speaker is another barrier to
Effective listening
Bommelje, Houston, and Smither (2003) studied effective listening among 125 college students and found a strong link between
Effective listening and school success, supporting previous research in the field linking listening skills to grade point average
Once emotion is involved,
Effective listening stops
We need to be
Flexible, willing to follow a speaker along what seems like a verbal detour down a rabbit hole, until we are rewarded by the speaker reaching his final destination while his audience marvels at the creative means by which he reached his important point
Informational listening
Focused on gaining information whether from a teacher in a classroom setting, or a pastor at church
We can process information
Four times faster than a person speaks
Identifying the things that will interrupt your attention, and making a conscious choice to move to a different seat or turn off your phone, can
Help position you to listen more effectively
Recognizing this can help you to cultivate a more open perspective,
Helping you to better adjust as you listen actively to a speaker
The only answer is _____ , and recognizing there is always something new to be learned
Humility
Effective listening can also help you to make a better
Impression on employers
Paying attention to what a speaker is saying requires
Intentional effort on your part
Our bodies hear, but we need to employ
Intentional effort to actually listen
This can begin at the
Interview
When people aren't listening,
It becomes much more difficult to get things done effectively and trust is broken while fostering resentments
Hoppe (2006) connected listening skills to better
Leadership
Bommelje (2011) suggests listening is the activity we do most in
Life, second only to breathing
We regularly engage in several different types of
Listening
Appreciative listening
Listening for pleasure; when we are tuning our attention to a song we like, or a poetry reading, or actors in a play, or sitcom antics on television
Approaching the task of listening with a positive attitude and an open-mind will make the act of listening
Much easier
The sound is then transformed into
Nerve impulses so that we can perceive the sound in our brains
Other nonverbal cues
Nodding your head affirmatively, making back-channel responses such as "Yes," "Umhum," or "OK" can help the speaker gauge your interest
You can demonstrate openness to a speaker through your
Nonverbal communication
Listening is
Of the moment, and we often only get to hear the speaker's words once
A listener sitting up straight, facing you with an intent look on his face is more likely to
Offer reassurance that your words are being understood
Distinguishing the speaker's primary goal, his main points, and the structure of the speech are all easier when the listener is able to listen with an
Open mind
Effective listeners keep an
Open mind
Leaning in as a listener is far more encouraging than
Slumping in your seat
Hearing
Physiological response to sound waves moving through the air at up to 760 miles per hour
The key is for the listener to
Quickly ascertain the speaker's central premise or controlling idea
Critical listening
Requires us to be attentive to key points that influence or confirm our judgments; when at a political event, attending a debate, or enduring a salesperson touting the benefits of various brands of a product
You begin formulating a heated response to the speaker's perspective, or
Searing questions you might ask to show the holes in the speaker's argument
This same listener might also judge the speaker based on
Superficialities
A listener looking for an excuse not to give their full attention to the speaker will instead
Take this momentary lapse as proof of flaws in all the person has said and will go on to say
Instead of trying to write everything the speaker is saying down, use a
Tape recorder (with the speaker's permission)
Communication effectiveness is determined by
The level of shared interpretation of the message reached through listener response and feedback
The listener might find the speaker is taking too long to make a point and try to anticipate what the final conclusion is going to be. While doing this,
The listener has stopped actively listening to the speaker
Auditory association
The process by which the mind sorts the perceived sound into a category so that heard information is recognized. New stimuli is differentiated by comparing and contrasting with previously heard sounds.
Empathetic or therapeutic listening
Therapists, counselors, and conflict mediators are trained for this
If the audience members are more intent on reacting to or anticipating what is said,
They will be poor listeners indeed
Anticipating
Thinking about what the listener is likely to say; can detract from listening in several ways
First, we receive the sound in our ears. The wave of sound causes our eardrums to
Vibrate, which engages our brain to begin processing
A typical person can speak 125 wordsper-minute, yet
We can process up to three times faster, reaching as much as 500 words-per-minute
Often when we hear someone speak,
We don't know in advance what he is going to be saying
The manner in which you take the notes is up to you;
What is important is the fact that you are listening and working to process what is being said
What makes public speaking truly effective?
When the audience hears and listens
Relational listening
When we are listening to a friend or family member, building our relationship with another through offering support and showing empathy for her feelings in the situation she is discussing
Once you have an overall idea of the speech, determine the key points, and gauge your agreement, you can decide:
Why it matters, how it affects you, or what you might do as a result of what you have heard
Trying to recall what you heard is a challenge, because
Without your attention and intention to remember, the information is lost in the caverns of your cranium
It might help you to curtail your emotions. If you do encounter a point that incenses you,
Write it down to return to later
Two more ways to guarantee effective listening as you have found an internal motivation to listen attentively are
Writing down questions that come to mind and asking questions of the speaker when it is possible
While listening may be the communication skill we use foremost in formal education environments, it is taught the least (behind, in order:
Writing, reading, and speaking)
Attentive eye contact can indicate
You are listening, and help you to stay focused too
Any time you enter a listening situation with some advance working knowledge of the speaker and what might be expected of you as a listener,
You will be better able to adjust and engage more deeply in what is being said
Speed of your head nod can signal
Your level of patience or understanding
Boothman (2008) recommends listening with
Your whole body, not just your ears