Com 102: Ch 12: Friendship

challenges of cross-sex friendship

-society segregates same sex starting from school- boys scout, girl scout, boy soccer team, girl's soccer team, etc.. this causes limited opportunities to build same sex friendships -society always sees same sex friends as couples. always tries to make them a romantic partner.

Best friends

-typically same sex rather than opposite sex - involves greater intimacy, more disclosure, and deeper commitment than regular friendship - more frequent and deep talks about relationships, emotions, life events and goals -true for men and women best friends - count on best friends to have their backs, and listen without judgement - different from friendship in the degree to which shared activities commit the friends to each other in substantial ways ex: best friends are more likely to join club together, participate on community sports team together, move in as roommates or vacation together

the number of cross-orientation friendship for men is?

0- men don't have gays, lesbians, trans or bi friends

successful transition from friendship to romance

1. expect difference, feelings of romance and friendships are different 2. emphasize disclosure, share feelings openly to diminish insecurities 3. offer assurances

2 important functions of friendship

1. fulfill our need for companionship 2. achieve practical goals such as dealing with daily problems and tasks life

10 friendship rules

1. show support 2. seek support 3. respect privacy 4. keep confidences 5. defend your friends 6. avoid public criticism 7. make your friends happy 8. manage jealousy 9. share humor 10. maintain equity

friend romance

1st sign is radical increase in amount of time friends spend flirting with each other strongest indicator of a friendship turning romantic is whether the friends already possess romantic beliefs that link friendship with love -people who were friends before a romance are likely to still become friends after it

on average people have how many best friends

4

friendship changes across the lifespan how?

4th grade: family more than friends adolescence: children transfer emotional support from family to friends - 7th grade: same sex friend as much as family - 10th grade: same sex friends are main providers of emotional support college student: friends are the primary support middle age adults: family and their children are the main support elderly: friendship is the most important relationship for providing social support intimacy

bromance

Bromance occur when two men share similar interests and have a fulfilling friendship as a result. However, the term bromance more often refers to two men who meet as adults and are not lifelong or best friends. Bromance occurs suddenly and is often characterized by the thought: "man, I really like this dude and I'd like to hang out with him." If both men have this epiphany at the same time, then it is a true bromance. A bromance has similar characteristics to a romance in that the two participants are usually of similar age and similar physical attractiveness on the hot or not scale (where 10=hot and 1=not). In other words, it's extremely rare that a bromance will occur between a 25-year-old and a 60-year-old, though it is technically possible. Bromances can definitely seem threatening to insecure women. A man is much more susceptible to becoming involved in a bromance if he focuses too much of his attention on a female companion at the expense of his male relationships.

interethnic friendship

bond between ppl who share the same cultural background (american) but have different ethnic group (asian american, african american, european american) -boost cultural awareness and commitment to diversity -people in this friendship are less prejudice Challenge: attribution and perceptual errors: we let our biases and prejudice prevent us from being open, nonjudgmental and understanding with another

one of the most common reason friendship ends is

change in shared and common beliefs

4 types of cross-category friendships

cross-sex friends cross-orientation friends intercultural inter-ethnic

central aspect of communal friend

emotional support only when both friends fulfill this expectation, the friendship can endure

2 ways to keep friendship alive

following friendship rules and maintenance

friends with benefits

friends engage in sexual activity but not with the intention of forming a relationship 2 reasons this is formed 1. welcome the lack of commitment it brings 2. satisfy sexual needs -majority of FWB fail because partners develop feelings for one another despite the rules they make (not falling in love etc)

friendship is volatile

friendship are less stable and more likely to change and easier to break off than family or romantic relationships - we are bonded to friends by shared interest but bonded to family by social and legal commitment and lovers by sexual and emotional attachment -we also chose career over friends

friendship challenges

friendship betrayal, geographic distance, attraction

cross orientation friendship

friendship between gays, lesbians, bi or trans with straight ppl -boost cultural awareness and commitment to diversity - bonded by shared interest and activities and provide each other with support or affection - straight men: forming this relationship can help defy stereotypes about lgbt -homophobia is the number one reason why straight people don't make friends with gays

communal friendship

friendship is least oriented and focuses on leisure activities, talking or eating - describes friendships that focuses on sharing time and activities together -try to get together as much as possible -provide emotional support when friends in need

Agentic friendship

friendship where friends help us achieve practical goals such as studying for exam, getting professional promotion, etc... - value sharing time together but only if they have no other priorities at the moment -also not interested in sharing personal info and emotional interdependence like communal friend -available when need arises but aren't comfortable with more than that ex: work friend can help you write progress report for work but is uncomfortable giving you relationship advice

intercultural friendship

friendships between people from different cultures or countries -boost cultural awareness and commitment to diversity - challenge: overcoming differences in language and cultural belief and negative stereotypes -reward: gaining new cultural knowledge, breaking stereotype views *defining characteristic: difference, therefore the friendship can be challenging

biggest stereo type regarding gay men and straight men friendship

gay men will hit on straight men -peer pressure to not socialize with each other - perceptual and communicative barriers - straight men see gay men for their sexual orientation only -lack of consistency

friendship rules

general principles that prescribe appropriate communication and behavior within friendship relationships

friendship centers on

identity support and shared interest

most important factor that distinguishes best friend

identity support: behaving in ways that convey understanding, acceptance and support for a friends valued social identities valued social identities: aspects of your pubic self that you deep the most important defining who you are- ex: musician, athlete, poet, mother, etc... we are who we are and our bf understands and accepts us. they respect us and support us no matter what

romance between friends

men report more of a desire for romance with their friend than women -87% of college women and 93% of college men report feeling sexually attracted to a friend at some point in their lives -this attraction can happen bc ppl surrounding them implement it in their minds

friendship betrayal

most common reason for friendship to end -breaking confidences, backstabbing, spreading rumors or gossip, lying

geographic separation

physical separations prevents friends from adequately satisfying the need that form the foundation of their friendship, such as sharing activities and practicing intimate self-disclosure - most long-distance friendship begins with planning to see each other as much as possible but never doing so - long distance friends dont have time or money to see each other a lot - change is a natural part of life and separation in friendship

cross-sex friendship

platonic nonsexual friendships between men and women - not motivated by sexual attraction -through this friendship, they gain a better understanding of how members of the opposite sex feel and behave -men : friendships with women provides greater intimacy and emotional depth than male friendship

cross-category friendship

ppl are likely to become friends with those who are similar age, gender, economic status from us -friendships that crosses this line are called cross-category friendships - people who are friends that cross demographic lines, defying in and outgroup perceptions -people who defy stereotype to befriends

What is friendship

relationship characterized by intimacy and liking

friendship is characterized by self-disclosure

self-disclosure makes them our friend. - being freely to disclosing feelings is the defining characteristics of friendship -the more you consider someone a friend, the more you will disclose and vice versa

maintenance strategies

sharing activities self disclosure

friendship is driven by shared interest

similarity is primary force that draws us to friends - when interest and activities changes, so does your friendship

friends cope with attraction by?

simply repress attraction, out of respect for friendship friends who repress engage in mental management- do things to actively manage how they think about each other so that the attraction is diminish -other friends act on the attraction and become friends with benefit

best friends will

support identity shift of another friend even if they find it surprising

friendship is rooted in liking

we feel affection and respect for our friend - enjoy their company and sharing time together - not emotionally demanding/ attached to them as lovers bc it's rooted in liking. - we're expected to be more loyal to family members and lovers than friends

friendship is voluntary

we have liberty to chose our friends more than we have liberty to chose our partners (ex: arranged marriage, or getting approval from family for partner)

Friendship and culture

westerners believe friendship won't endure-- you'll naturally lose friends and gain new ones over time Japanese value friendships over partners EuroAmericans value spouses over friends men and women friendships are more similar- they value companionship