COMM 110 chapter 12

types of friendships

Best friends and cross-category friendships

friendship

a voluntary interpersonal relationship characterized by intimacy and liking an important source of emotional security and self esteem facilitates a sense of belonging when we're young, helps solidify out identity during adolescence, and provides satisfaction and social support when we're old

friendship and technology

communciation technologies have reshaped the way people create friendships now, you can form friendships quickly and with more people this provides a valuable resource for anxious people, but, people you are "friends" with online are not necessarily your real friends these technologies make it posible for friends to constantly stay connected with one another but, technology does not replace in person interaction. pwoplw who regularly text their friends are more liekly to also seek face to face encounters people recognize the superiority of offline friendships to online

friendship, culture, and gender

different cultures have different expectations regatrding friendships westerners oftent hink friendships don't endure, while other cultures view froendships as deeply intimate and lasting gender also affects friendship expectations. in the us and canada, womens friendships are stereotypically communal while emsn are agentic. but male and female friendships are actually similar but, euroamerican men learn to avoid direct expressions of affectiona nd intimacy in their friendships with other males. but in many cultures, men and women look to same sex freinds as their primary source of intimacy

friendship challenges

friendship betrayal: -breaking confidence, backstabbing, spreading gossip, and lying -deal with betrayal via emotion sharing and avoid lashing out -decide whether you should repair the friendship geographic distance: -most common and intense challenge friends face -prevents friends from adequately satisfying the needs that form the foundation of their relationship -long distance friends usually see each other only when there's some other reason for them to be in the same area (because there rarely have the money or time) -frienships that have strong liking (Affection and respect) are most liekly to endure -freinds who accept cahnge and have a strong sense of shared histoy allows them to succeed in long distance relationship -regualrly communciate with long distance friends (Especially support for social identities) attraction: -romantic, sexual, or both -cope with attraction by repressing it (using mental amnagement), developing fullfledged romantic involvment, or trying to blend their freindship with sexual activity (friends with benefits) -people who were friends prior to a romance ware more liekly to remain friends after a romance fizzles (but postromance friendships tend to be less close than always platonic ones) -if a realtionhsip ensures, expect difference, emphasize disclosure, and offere assurances

the importance of freinds

friendships are delicate (most transitional of our relationships) and deep (predominantly the most important relationships we have)

agentic friendships

friendships in which the parties focus primarily on helping each other achieve practical goals these friends value sharing time together only if they're available and have no other priorities at the moment aren't interseted in empotional interdependence and mutual sharing of personal information uncomfortable with more personal demands or responsiblities

communal friendships

friendships that focus primarily on sharing time and activities together these friends try to get together as often as possible, and they provide encouragment and emotional support to one another only whne both friends fulfill the expectations of support for the relationship does the friendship endure

friendship functions

fulfill our need for companionship (chances to do fun things together and receive emotional support, like communal friendships) help us achieve practical goals (deal with problems or everyday tasks, like agentic friendships)

friendship rules

general principles that prescribe appropriate communciation and behavior within friendship realtions both men and women follow them adherence distinguishes happy from unhappy friendships 10 friendship rules: -show support -seek support -respect privacy -keep confidences -defend your friends -avoid public criticism -make your friends happy -manage jealousy -share humor -maintain equity

cross category friendships

people tend to befriend those who are demographically similar but there are people who degy this norm, and forge crosscategory friendships that cross demographic lines the four most common: -cross-sex friendships (fat less stable due to constant disapproval and the pressure to justify the relationship) -cross-orientation friendships (freindships between LGBTQ and straight people) -intercultural friendships (challenges include overcoming differences in language and cultural beliefs, as well as negative stereotypes) -interethnic relationships (boost cultural awareness, but attributional and perceptual errors can make them challenging)

best friends

people with whom you exchange deeply personal information and emotional support with whom you share many interests and activities around whom you feel comfortable and at ease typically: -same sex -involve greater intimacy, more disclosure, and deeper commitment -people count on their best friends to listen to their problems without judging and to have their back -shared activities commit the friends to each other in substantial ways -identity support, which involves behaving in ways that convey understanding, acceptance, and support for a friend's valued social identities (aspects of your public self that you deem the most important in defining who you are)

maintenance strategies

strive to keep foundation of shared activities and self disclosure solid by regularly doing things with your friends and making time to talk sharing activites: -sharing time together is imnportnat, but even more so is the peception that each friend is willing to make time for the other self disclosure: -make time just to talk, encourage your friends to share thoughts and feelings -avoid betraying friends -balance openness with protection (avoid certain topics that will lead to conflict/hurt the relationship)

friends with beneftits

the participants engage in sexual activity, but not with the purpose of transforming the relationship into a romantic attachment FWB relationships form because the people welcome lack of commitment and they want to satisfy sexual needs most partners develop rules regarding emotion attachment, communcaition, a nd sex regardless the relationships usually fail because the people develop romantic feelings and decide the realtionhsip doesn't satisfy them emotionally

maintaining friendships

the two ways we keep friendships alive are by following friendship rules and by using maintenance strategies

friendships across lifespan

until fourth grade, family is the sole source of emotional support during adolescence, children slowly transfer their emotional attachment from their family to friends by seventh grade, young people rely just as much on same-sex friends as they do on family for support by tenth grade, same sex friends become the principal providers of emotional support this trend continues into early adulthood by middle adulthood, many people form long term romantic commitmens and start families of their own. THeir romantic partners and children become primary providers of companionship and the importance of friendships begins to wane (this is especially the case for married men) late in life, the pattern shifts back, and as spouses pass on and children form their own families, the elderly receive most of their social support and intimacy from friends

characteristics of friendship

voluntary: -we have a greater liberty in choosing our friends than we do choosing partners in other relationship types driven by shared interests: -similarity is the primary force that draws us to our friends -when interests and activities change, so do your friends (one of the most common reasons for a friendship ending is changes in interests and beliefs) characterized by self-disclosure: -separates acquaintances and friends -the more you disclose, the more you consider someone a friend (and vice versa) rooted in liking: -pleasure in sharing time together is a defining feature of friendship -but we are not as emotionally attached to or demanding of our friends as we are other intimates -we're expected to be more loyal volatile: -less stable, more likely to change, and easier to break off than family or romantic relationships