FAM 151 Chapter 9, 10, and 11

ludus

playful love; see love as a game; commitment is not the goal; may also suit people who enjoy romance but arent ready to settle down

eros

powerful, passionate style of love that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically; intense kind of love that may include sexual, spiritual, intellectual, or emotional attraction or all of these; most intuitive and spontaneous of all love styles and it is also the fastest moving

relational culture

private worlds of rules, understandings, meanings, and patterns of acting and interpreting that partners create for their relationship

placemaking

process of creating a comfortable personal environment that reflects the values, experiences, and tastes of the couple

internal tensions

relationship stresses that grow out of people and their interactions

external tensions

relationship stressors that grow out of the situation or context surrounding the relationship

committed romantic relationships

relationships between individuals who assume that they will be primary and continuing parts of each other's lives; involve romantic and sexual feelings, which are not typically part of relationships with coworkers, friends, neighbors, and family members

friends of the road

who change as we move along the road of life

friends of the heart

who remain close regardless of distance and circumstances

social diversity

creates tension when our interpretations of different communications styles or preceptions create misunderstnadings

sexual attraction

creates tension when two friends have agreed not to add romance to their relationship or if one person wants romance and the other does not

moving toward friendship

creating a longer-term friendship by starting to disclose our feelings, attitudes, values, thoughts, and interests

bracketing

noting that an issue arising in the course of conflict should be discussed later

friendly relations

occur when we spend time checking out whether we could develop a more lasting relationship with this person

navigation

ongoing process of staying committed and living a life together despite ups and downs, pleasant, and unpleasant surprises

lose-lose

orientation assumes that conflict results in looses for everyone and that it is unhealthy and destructive for relationships

win-lose

orientations assume that one person wins at the expense of the other

win-win

orientations assume that there are usually ways to resolve differences so that everyone gains

personal changes

our friendships change as we make changes in our lives

revising communication

partners come out of the clouds to look at their relationship more realistically

intensifying communciation

partners spend more time together and they rely less on external structures such as movies or parties

mania

passion of eros, but they play by ludic rules - a combination that can be perilous; may devise tests and games to evaluate a partner's commitment

invitational communication

people signal that they are interested in interacting; respond to invitations from others

relationship rules

unspoken understandings that regulate how people interact

stabilized friendship

we have determined that this relationship will continue, take future encounters for granted, and work at creating a high level of trust

dyadic processes

which involve the breakdown of established patterns, rules, and rituals that make up the relational culture

intrapsychic processes

which one or both partners begin to feel dissatisfied with the relationship and to focus their thoughts on its problems or shortcomings

resurrection processes

which the two people move on with their lives without the other as an initimate

Who stay friends in spite of time and distance

"Friends of the heart" are friends

eros

Describing his romantic relationship, Bob says, "I just fell hook, line, and sinker the moment I saw Doreen. It was a classic case of love at first sight, and I still light up whenever I see her." Bob seems to have which style of loving?

dialogue

For individuals socialized in feminine speech communities, closeness in interpersonal relationships is primarily achieved through

win-lose

Lenny says, "I don't like to lose arguments. The way I figure it, when you have a disagreement there can be only one winner." Lenny's orientation to conflict is best described as:

storge

Myra says of her marriage that "It wasn't like we ever really fell in love. It was more like we grew together kind of gradually. I think of my husband as my best friend." Myra seems to have which style of loving?

Work out private rules for interacting

One indication that a friendship is in the nascent stage is that participants

win-win

Zach believes that in conflict situations the goal is to find a solution that all those involved can accept. Zach's orientation to conflict is best described as:

social support

a phase in which partners look to friends and family for support

passive aggression

acting aggressively while denying feelings or acting aggressive

voice response

addresses conflict directly and attempts to resolve it

geographic distance

becoming a larger constraint as we become a more mobile society

agape

blend of storge and eros; should love others without expectation of personal gain or return; generous and selfless, they put a loved one's happiness ahead of their own without any expectation of reciprocity

pragma

blends the conscious strategies of ludus with the stable, secure love storge; clear criteria for partners, such as religious affiliation, career, and family background; online matching services that allow them to specify their criteria for a desirable mate; guide arranged marriages, in which families match children based on economic and social criteria

contracting

building a solution through negotiation and the acceptance of parts of proposals

storge

comfortable, even-keeled kind of love based on friendship and compatibility; love tends to develop gradually and to be peaceful and stable; dont have the great highs of erotic ones, but neither do they have the fiery conflict and anger that can punctuate erotic relationships

neglect response

denies or minimizes problems, disagreements, anger, tension, or other matters that could lead to overt conflict

environmental spoiling

denotes situations in which proximity breeds ill will

individuality

each of us is an individual with particular needs, goals, love styles, perceptual tendencies, and qualities that affect what we look for in relationships

explorational communication

escalation of romance and it focuses on exchanging information

kitchen-sinking

everything except the kitchen sink is thrown into the argument

covert conflict

exists when people express their feelings about disagreements indirectly

interpersonal conflict

exists when people in "I-You" or "I-Thou" relationships have different views, interests, or goals and feel a need to resolve those differences

intimacy

feelings of closeness, connection, and tenderness' seems to underlie both passion and commitment; related to passion because both involve very strong feelings; abiding affection and warm feelings for another person

passion

first springs to mind when we think about romance; describes intensely positive feelings and fervent desire for another person; not restricted to sexual or sensual feelings

limited interactions

friendships begin with an initial encounter either planned or accidental

games

highly patterned interactions in which the real conflicts are hidden or denied and a counterfeit excuse is created for arguing or criticizing

friendship

important relationship in our lives; unique because there are no rules, laws, or institutional structures that create and maintain them

nascent friendship

includes thinking of ourselves as friends and working out our own rules for the relationship

commitment

intention to remain involved with a relationship; a decision to remain in a relationship

grave-dressing processes

involve burying the relationship and accepting its end

exit response

involves physically walking out or psychologically withdrawing

loyalty response

involves staying committed to a relationship despite differences

agenda building

involves staying focused on the main issues

overt conflict

is out in the open and explicit