FAM 151 Chapter 9, 10, and 11
ludus
playful love; see love as a game; commitment is not the goal; may also suit people who enjoy romance but arent ready to settle down
eros
powerful, passionate style of love that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically; intense kind of love that may include sexual, spiritual, intellectual, or emotional attraction or all of these; most intuitive and spontaneous of all love styles and it is also the fastest moving
relational culture
private worlds of rules, understandings, meanings, and patterns of acting and interpreting that partners create for their relationship
placemaking
process of creating a comfortable personal environment that reflects the values, experiences, and tastes of the couple
internal tensions
relationship stresses that grow out of people and their interactions
external tensions
relationship stressors that grow out of the situation or context surrounding the relationship
committed romantic relationships
relationships between individuals who assume that they will be primary and continuing parts of each other's lives; involve romantic and sexual feelings, which are not typically part of relationships with coworkers, friends, neighbors, and family members
friends of the road
who change as we move along the road of life
friends of the heart
who remain close regardless of distance and circumstances
social diversity
creates tension when our interpretations of different communications styles or preceptions create misunderstnadings
sexual attraction
creates tension when two friends have agreed not to add romance to their relationship or if one person wants romance and the other does not
moving toward friendship
creating a longer-term friendship by starting to disclose our feelings, attitudes, values, thoughts, and interests
bracketing
noting that an issue arising in the course of conflict should be discussed later
friendly relations
occur when we spend time checking out whether we could develop a more lasting relationship with this person
navigation
ongoing process of staying committed and living a life together despite ups and downs, pleasant, and unpleasant surprises
lose-lose
orientation assumes that conflict results in looses for everyone and that it is unhealthy and destructive for relationships
win-lose
orientations assume that one person wins at the expense of the other
win-win
orientations assume that there are usually ways to resolve differences so that everyone gains
personal changes
our friendships change as we make changes in our lives
revising communication
partners come out of the clouds to look at their relationship more realistically
intensifying communciation
partners spend more time together and they rely less on external structures such as movies or parties
mania
passion of eros, but they play by ludic rules - a combination that can be perilous; may devise tests and games to evaluate a partner's commitment
invitational communication
people signal that they are interested in interacting; respond to invitations from others
relationship rules
unspoken understandings that regulate how people interact
stabilized friendship
we have determined that this relationship will continue, take future encounters for granted, and work at creating a high level of trust
dyadic processes
which involve the breakdown of established patterns, rules, and rituals that make up the relational culture
intrapsychic processes
which one or both partners begin to feel dissatisfied with the relationship and to focus their thoughts on its problems or shortcomings
resurrection processes
which the two people move on with their lives without the other as an initimate
Who stay friends in spite of time and distance
"Friends of the heart" are friends
eros
Describing his romantic relationship, Bob says, "I just fell hook, line, and sinker the moment I saw Doreen. It was a classic case of love at first sight, and I still light up whenever I see her." Bob seems to have which style of loving?
dialogue
For individuals socialized in feminine speech communities, closeness in interpersonal relationships is primarily achieved through
win-lose
Lenny says, "I don't like to lose arguments. The way I figure it, when you have a disagreement there can be only one winner." Lenny's orientation to conflict is best described as:
storge
Myra says of her marriage that "It wasn't like we ever really fell in love. It was more like we grew together kind of gradually. I think of my husband as my best friend." Myra seems to have which style of loving?
Work out private rules for interacting
One indication that a friendship is in the nascent stage is that participants
win-win
Zach believes that in conflict situations the goal is to find a solution that all those involved can accept. Zach's orientation to conflict is best described as:
social support
a phase in which partners look to friends and family for support
passive aggression
acting aggressively while denying feelings or acting aggressive
voice response
addresses conflict directly and attempts to resolve it
geographic distance
becoming a larger constraint as we become a more mobile society
agape
blend of storge and eros; should love others without expectation of personal gain or return; generous and selfless, they put a loved one's happiness ahead of their own without any expectation of reciprocity
pragma
blends the conscious strategies of ludus with the stable, secure love storge; clear criteria for partners, such as religious affiliation, career, and family background; online matching services that allow them to specify their criteria for a desirable mate; guide arranged marriages, in which families match children based on economic and social criteria
contracting
building a solution through negotiation and the acceptance of parts of proposals
storge
comfortable, even-keeled kind of love based on friendship and compatibility; love tends to develop gradually and to be peaceful and stable; dont have the great highs of erotic ones, but neither do they have the fiery conflict and anger that can punctuate erotic relationships
neglect response
denies or minimizes problems, disagreements, anger, tension, or other matters that could lead to overt conflict
environmental spoiling
denotes situations in which proximity breeds ill will
individuality
each of us is an individual with particular needs, goals, love styles, perceptual tendencies, and qualities that affect what we look for in relationships
explorational communication
escalation of romance and it focuses on exchanging information
kitchen-sinking
everything except the kitchen sink is thrown into the argument
covert conflict
exists when people express their feelings about disagreements indirectly
interpersonal conflict
exists when people in "I-You" or "I-Thou" relationships have different views, interests, or goals and feel a need to resolve those differences
intimacy
feelings of closeness, connection, and tenderness' seems to underlie both passion and commitment; related to passion because both involve very strong feelings; abiding affection and warm feelings for another person
passion
first springs to mind when we think about romance; describes intensely positive feelings and fervent desire for another person; not restricted to sexual or sensual feelings
limited interactions
friendships begin with an initial encounter either planned or accidental
games
highly patterned interactions in which the real conflicts are hidden or denied and a counterfeit excuse is created for arguing or criticizing
friendship
important relationship in our lives; unique because there are no rules, laws, or institutional structures that create and maintain them
nascent friendship
includes thinking of ourselves as friends and working out our own rules for the relationship
commitment
intention to remain involved with a relationship; a decision to remain in a relationship
grave-dressing processes
involve burying the relationship and accepting its end
exit response
involves physically walking out or psychologically withdrawing
loyalty response
involves staying committed to a relationship despite differences
agenda building
involves staying focused on the main issues
overt conflict
is out in the open and explicit