Human Sexuality Exam 2: Love and Communication in Intimate Relationships
Receiving complaints
-Acknowledge a complaint and find something to agree with -Ask clarifying questions -Express your feelings -Focus on future changes you can make
Constructive strategies for expressing complaints
-Choose the right time and place -Temper complaints with praise -Avoid "why" questions -Express negative emotions appropriately -Limit complaints to one per discussion
What Is Love?
-Difficult to define and/or measure -Special attitude with behavioral and emotional components -Means different things to different people
Attachment
-Intense emotional tie between two individuals -Rooted in infancy
Similarity of beliefs, interests, and values
-Level of physical attractiveness -Age, educational status, and religion -Race and ethnicity
Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction: Characteristics of high quality relationships
-Supportive communication -Companionship -Sexual expression and variety -Seeing partner as a best friend -Maintaining frequent positive interaction
Reciprocity
-When we are recipients of expressions of liking or loving, we tend to respond in kind -Increases self-esteem
Sex differences in Jealousy
-Women are more likely to acknowledge feelings of jealousy -Men tend to focus more on sexual involvement with another
Physical attractiveness
-physical beauty -Important in early stages; draws people together -May be an indicator of physical health -Males place greater emphasis on physical attractiveness
Three step approach to saying no
1. Express appreciation for the invitation 2. Say no in a clear, unequivocal fashion 3. Offer alternatives
Ainsworth's attachment styles
1. Secure 2. insecure 3. anxious-ambivalent 4. avoidant attachment
Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction: Ingredients in a lasting love relationship
1. Self-acceptance and acceptance of partner 2. Appreciation of each other and commitment 3. Good communication, realistic expectations, and shared interests 4. Equality in decision making 5. Ability to face and deal with conflict
Agape
Altruistic all-giving, selfless love secondary love style
Discovering your partners needs
Asking questions: -Yes/no questions -Open-ended questions -Either/or questions Self-disclosure: -Requires give and take -Internet relationships: rapidly evolving
Good listening traits
Be an active listener Maintain eye contact Provide feedback Support your partner's communication efforts Express unconditional positive regard
Nonverbal Sexual Communication: touching
Can convey special messages or defuse anger
Nonverbal Sexual Communication: sounds
Can indicate, hinder, or increase arousal
Lee's Styles of Loving
Characteristics of intimate human relationships Romantic Game-playing Possessive Compassionate Altruistic Pragmatic Hypothesis: relationship success is influenced by compatibility in styles of loving
Companionate love
Characterized by friendly affection and deep attachment based on extensive familiarity with the loved one
Storge
Compassionate friendship love primary love style
Ludus
Game-playing love "elementary school" primary love style
Proximity
Geographic nearness of one person to another
Consummate Love
Intimacy + passion + commitment
Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love : Types
Liking Companionate Empty Fatuous Infatuation Romantic Consummate
Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love dimensions
Love has 3 dimensions: 1. Intimacy 2. Commitment 3. Passion
Importance of Sexual Communication
Most important role of communication Establish and maintain consent in sexual experiences
Nonverbal Sexual Communication: Facial Expressions
Often communicate feelings
Adult intimate relationships as an attachment process
Parent-child attachment styles are transferred
pragma
Pragmatic logical, "shopping list" love secondary love style
Factors that influence who we fall in love with and why
Proximity and Similarity Reciprocity Physical Attractiveness
Potential impact of hormonal contraception use in women
Reduced attractiveness to potential partners due to altered chemical fertility signals
Relationship between love and sex
Relationship between the two is not always clear e.g., "friends with benefits" Gender differences: women may feel more emotionally involved
Eros
Romantic "passionate love" or romantic love primary love style
Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction: Sexual variety
Sexual variety is an important ingredient Communication is critical: talk about desires, needs, and feelings Be spontaneous: avoid routine times and places Do not let questions of what is "normal" get in the way
Passionate love
State of extreme absorption in another person Also known as romantic love
Learning to Make Requests
Taking responsibility for our own pleasure: -People are not mind readers Making requests specific: -The more specific the request, the more one will be understood Using "I" language: Forthright approach brings about the desired response more easily
Jealousy-prone person
Tends to have low self-esteem and place a high value on wealth and popularity Jealousy precipitates partner violence
Mutual empathy
Underlying knowledge that each partner in a relationship cares for the other and knows that this care is reciprocated
Saying NO: Avoid sending mixed messages
When nonverbal messages contradict verbal messages, partners can have difficulty grasping our true intention
Empty Love
commitment alone
Mere exposure effect
familiarity breeds liking or loving
Liking
intimacy alone
Companionate Love
intimacy and commitment
Romantic love
intimacy and passion
The chemistry of love: Neurotransmitters
norepinephrine, dopamine, phenylethylamine (PEA), and endorphins Strong link between feelings of being in love and release of neurotransmitters
Infatuation
passion alone
Fatuous love
passion and commitment
Nonverbal Sexual Communication: Interpersonal distance
personal space
Mania
possessive, dependent love secondary love style
Greater proximity often reflects
shared interests