Human Sexuality Exam 2: Love and Communication in Intimate Relationships

Receiving complaints

-Acknowledge a complaint and find something to agree with -Ask clarifying questions -Express your feelings -Focus on future changes you can make

Constructive strategies for expressing complaints

-Choose the right time and place -Temper complaints with praise -Avoid "why" questions -Express negative emotions appropriately -Limit complaints to one per discussion

What Is Love?

-Difficult to define and/or measure -Special attitude with behavioral and emotional components -Means different things to different people

Attachment

-Intense emotional tie between two individuals -Rooted in infancy

Similarity of beliefs, interests, and values

-Level of physical attractiveness -Age, educational status, and religion -Race and ethnicity

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction: Characteristics of high quality relationships

-Supportive communication -Companionship -Sexual expression and variety -Seeing partner as a best friend -Maintaining frequent positive interaction

Reciprocity

-When we are recipients of expressions of liking or loving, we tend to respond in kind -Increases self-esteem

Sex differences in Jealousy

-Women are more likely to acknowledge feelings of jealousy -Men tend to focus more on sexual involvement with another

Physical attractiveness

-physical beauty -Important in early stages; draws people together -May be an indicator of physical health -Males place greater emphasis on physical attractiveness

Three step approach to saying no

1. Express appreciation for the invitation 2. Say no in a clear, unequivocal fashion 3. Offer alternatives

Ainsworth's attachment styles

1. Secure 2. insecure 3. anxious-ambivalent 4. avoidant attachment

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction: Ingredients in a lasting love relationship

1. Self-acceptance and acceptance of partner 2. Appreciation of each other and commitment 3. Good communication, realistic expectations, and shared interests 4. Equality in decision making 5. Ability to face and deal with conflict

Agape

Altruistic all-giving, selfless love secondary love style

Discovering your partners needs

Asking questions: -Yes/no questions -Open-ended questions -Either/or questions Self-disclosure: -Requires give and take -Internet relationships: rapidly evolving

Good listening traits

Be an active listener Maintain eye contact Provide feedback Support your partner's communication efforts Express unconditional positive regard

Nonverbal Sexual Communication: touching

Can convey special messages or defuse anger

Nonverbal Sexual Communication: sounds

Can indicate, hinder, or increase arousal

Lee's Styles of Loving

Characteristics of intimate human relationships Romantic Game-playing Possessive Compassionate Altruistic Pragmatic Hypothesis: relationship success is influenced by compatibility in styles of loving

Companionate love

Characterized by friendly affection and deep attachment based on extensive familiarity with the loved one

Storge

Compassionate friendship love primary love style

Ludus

Game-playing love "elementary school" primary love style

Proximity

Geographic nearness of one person to another

Consummate Love

Intimacy + passion + commitment

Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love : Types

Liking Companionate Empty Fatuous Infatuation Romantic Consummate

Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love dimensions

Love has 3 dimensions: 1. Intimacy 2. Commitment 3. Passion

Importance of Sexual Communication

Most important role of communication Establish and maintain consent in sexual experiences

Nonverbal Sexual Communication: Facial Expressions

Often communicate feelings

Adult intimate relationships as an attachment process

Parent-child attachment styles are transferred

pragma

Pragmatic logical, "shopping list" love secondary love style

Factors that influence who we fall in love with and why

Proximity and Similarity Reciprocity Physical Attractiveness

Potential impact of hormonal contraception use in women

Reduced attractiveness to potential partners due to altered chemical fertility signals

Relationship between love and sex

Relationship between the two is not always clear e.g., "friends with benefits" Gender differences: women may feel more emotionally involved

Eros

Romantic "passionate love" or romantic love primary love style

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction: Sexual variety

Sexual variety is an important ingredient Communication is critical: talk about desires, needs, and feelings Be spontaneous: avoid routine times and places Do not let questions of what is "normal" get in the way

Passionate love

State of extreme absorption in another person Also known as romantic love

Learning to Make Requests

Taking responsibility for our own pleasure: -People are not mind readers Making requests specific: -The more specific the request, the more one will be understood Using "I" language: Forthright approach brings about the desired response more easily

Jealousy-prone person

Tends to have low self-esteem and place a high value on wealth and popularity Jealousy precipitates partner violence

Mutual empathy

Underlying knowledge that each partner in a relationship cares for the other and knows that this care is reciprocated

Saying NO: Avoid sending mixed messages

When nonverbal messages contradict verbal messages, partners can have difficulty grasping our true intention

Empty Love

commitment alone

Mere exposure effect

familiarity breeds liking or loving

Liking

intimacy alone

Companionate Love

intimacy and commitment

Romantic love

intimacy and passion

The chemistry of love: Neurotransmitters

norepinephrine, dopamine, phenylethylamine (PEA), and endorphins Strong link between feelings of being in love and release of neurotransmitters

Infatuation

passion alone

Fatuous love

passion and commitment

Nonverbal Sexual Communication: Interpersonal distance

personal space

Mania

possessive, dependent love secondary love style

Greater proximity often reflects

shared interests