Interpersonal communication

Repair strategies

(Relational transgressions violate relational expectations or rules.) 1. Identify problem. Use meta-communication and confirming responses to see if partner perceives the relationship and relational problems the same as we do. 2. Decide which strategies and specific skills to use. Consider what behaviors we're willing to change to repair the realationship.

Steps of Apologizing

1. Acknowledge the severity of the offense. 2. Take responsibility for the offense. 3. Disparage the "bad self" who committed the act. 4. Offer penitence or restitution. 5. Promise appropriate future behavior.

Stages of Coming Apart

1. Differentiating - regain unique identities 2. Circumscribing - constriction of breadth and depth of self disclosure. 3. Stagnation - beginning to close one another off. 4. Avoiding - physically distancing one another 5. Terminating - ending the relationship

Stages of Coming Together

1. Initiating - casual interaction 2. Experimenting - small talk 3. Intensifying - self disclosure 4. Integrating - being viewed as a couple 5. Bonding - being exclusive

Collaborative resolution method

1. Seperate the PEOPLE from the problem. 2. Focus on INTERESTS, not positions 3. Generate a variety of OPTIONS before deciding what to do. 4. Insist that the results be based on some objective CRITERIA.

Maxims of conversation

Quality: We should provide truthful info Quantity: We should offer information that is sufficient to keep a conversation going. Relevancy: We should provide info that pertains to the topic being discussed. Manner: We should be organized and specific when we speak.

REACH method of forgiveness

R-recall the hurt E-empathize A-give the "altruistic gift" of forgiveness. C-commit ourselves to forgiving H-hold on to forgiveness

Value conflict

Result of people having differing opinions on issues that relate to their personal value systems and issues of right and wrong. May have to agree to disagree. Emphasize areas of agreement.

Stages of perception

Selection (by salience, vividness), Organization (by schemas, proximity, closure, and labelling), then Interpretation (by expectancy, familiarity, and making judgments).

Maintenance strategies:

Sustain meaning of the relationship by the partners. Positivity, openness, assurances (e.g. support, comfort), social networks (can rely on their friends and family), sharing tasks.

Equality

Treating everyone with at least a minimum level of respect.

Selective exposure

We choose what we allow ourselves access

Selective attention

We only notice or attend to certain stimuli

Closure

filling in the missing pieces to fill in the whole picture. Explaining that your cheating friend wont leave the person because they're too emotionally weak

Speech Acts

greetings, criticism, invitations, congratulations, insults, promises, requests, and warnings.

Familiarity

how familiar we are with our stimuli typing the word 'the' twice in a row

Attribution Theory

how we create explanations or attach meaning to our own or another's behavior.

Pygmalion Effect

illustrates the way our significant other influences our self-concept.

Schemas

mental templates that enable use to organize and classify stimuli into manageable categories and groups. Fat, ugly, pretty, tall

Content conflict

occurs when we disagree about information. Simple conflicts. Resolved by finding a source that can verify the facts under question

pseudoconflict

occurs when we falsely believe that a relationship partner has incompatible goals or is interfering with our attainment of our own goals. Resolved by realizing we are not truly in conflict.

Social penetration theory

relationships develop and change in terms of the type and depth of the self-disclosure between relational partners.

Stage Model

relationships follow a trajectory and can be classified in terms of particular stages on integration, maintenance, and termination.

Selective Perception

see what we went to see, hear what we want to hear, believe what we want to believe

Fundamental attribution error

self-serving bias: Bad things in others are a trait but bad things in ourselves are situational. And vice-versa.

Dialectical Tensions

showing that relationships oscillate between opposite ends of the spectrum.

Context-Based CA

specific situations (public speaking).

Salience

stimuli from the environment based on their interest, use, and meaning to us

Salience

stimuli from the environment based on their interest, use, and meaning to us. Hearing your name from across the room and suddenly paying attention

Vividness

stimuli that are selected because they are noticeable. Tall guy, annoying girl

Self-Disclosure

the act of willingly sharing information about ourselves with others.

Process Models

the idea that relationships are ongoing and relational meaning ebbs and flows are based on partners' attributions.

conflict

the interaction of interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals and interference from each other in achieving these goals

Communication Apprehension

the level of fear or anxiety associated with real or anticipated communication.

Emotional Contagion

the tendency to feel and express emotions similar to and influenced by those of others; also, the phenomenon of one person's negative thoughts or anxiety affecting another's mood

Selective perception

we see what we want to see

Expectancy

what we expect to perceive. Being surprised when we turn in a paper and find that there were grammar mistakes when you overlooked some spelling errors

Figure-Ground Organization

when a portion of the stimuli selected from the environment is the focal point and the rest is in the background. Hearing lots of conversations around you but only focusing on one

Selective Attention

when we ignore certain parts of stimuli and attend to others. Teenager asking for a car, parents say yes but only if he pays for insurance. All he hears is that they will buy him a car.

Collaborating conflict style

win-win "let's work on finding the best solution for both of us. Goals of self and other are achieved. Takes time and knowledge of win-win conflict resolution.

Supportiveness

Being descriptive, not evaluative Being tentative, not certain.

Openness

Being willing to self-disclose React honestly Own thoughts and feelings

self-fulfilling prophecy

Beliefs affect our actions, which result in beliefs being fulfilled.

Comparison Levels of alternatives

Compares rewards we're receiving with those we may receive in alternative relationships.

Attribution

Explaining why things happen or why people act in a certain way.

Characteristics of Personal relationships

Explanatory ability Predictive ability Uniqueness: Treating one another as individuals as opposed to simply people inhabiting roles. Communication rules move from those established by culture to those established by relational members.

Empathy

Feel this for everyone. Feeling with someone, not for them.

Positiveness

Giving and receiving compliments Having a positive attitude

Argumentative skill deficiency

Individuals who use verbal aggression to manage their conflicts because they lack the verbal skills to deal constructively with conflict.

Characteristics of romantic relationships

Intimacy: feelings of tenderness, closeness, and connection. Usually stable. Passion: Sparks between people who are Attracted to one another. Commitment: decision to maintain and sustain a relationship based on love. The best predictor of relational success.

Compromising conflict style

Lose-lose. Effective if you don't have time to collaborate or if nothing else is successful. Both parties feel dissatisfied and lose a portion of what we desire. May produce an less effective solution.

Avoiding conflict style

Lose-lose. "Just leave me alone!" Can reduce intense emotions and be effective with unimportant issues. Creates tension and difficulty. May cause us to see conflict as more serious than it really is

Accomodating conflict style

Lose-win. "Whatever you say." Effective with unimportant issues and when we give in for "social credit." May lead to poor decisions and being taken advantage of.

Ego conflict

Occurs when we must win the conflict to save face. Managed by owning thoughts and using face-saving skills to move the conflict to the value or content level.

Johari Window

Open: Known to self and others. Blind: Not known to self but known to others. Decreased by asking questions and self-monitoring. Hidden: Known to self but not to others. If there's no hidden there's nothing left to discover. But the closer the relationship, the smaller this quadrant should be. Unknown: Known to no-one, including self.

Humanistic model

Openness Positiveness Supportiveness Empathy Equality

Conflict rituals

Patterns that reinforce specific ways to manage conflict.

Social exchange theory

Perceived rewards (positive aspects) and costs (negative aspects of the relationship) determine whether people develop, maintain, or terminate their relationships.

Cooperative Principle

conversation partners use their talk to facilitate understanding.

Situational-Based CA

depends on the environment.

Receiver-Based CA

depends on the person we're speaking to.

Competing conflict style

Win-lose. "It's my way or the highway!" Effective in emergencies and if issue is important for a person's well-being. Damages relationship.

Comparison Levels

an idea about rewards/costs based on our past relationships and the relationships we observe around us.

Interpretation

assigning meaning to the stimuli. Thinking your friend is sad when she is really in deep thought

Traitlike CA

can occur in a wide range of contexts (most problematic).