put first thing first
P Problems are PC Opportunities
I suggest that in an interdependent situation, every P problem is a PC opportunity -- a chance to build the Emotional Bank Accounts that significantly affect interdependent production.
In the words of the architectural maxim, form follows function.
Likewise, management follows leadership. The way you spend your time is a time is a result of the way you see your time and the way you really see your priorities.
It also requires independent will, the power to do something when you don't want to do it to be
a function of your values rather than a function of the impulse or desire of any given moment. It's the power to act with integrity to your proactive first creation.
The subordination requires a purpose, a mission
a habit 2 clear sense of direction and value a burning yes! inside that makes it possible to say no to other things.
Leadership is primarily
a high powered right brain activity.
stewardship means
a job with a trust.
Coherence
suggests that there is harmony unity and integrity between your vision and mission, your roles and goals etc.
a principle centered person thinks in terms of effectiveness
is in dealing with people.
independent will
it is the ability to make decisions and choices and to act in accordance with them.
my own maxim of personal effectiveness is this:
manage from the left lead from the right.
Organizing on a weekly basis provides
much greater balance and context than daily planning. There seems to be implicit cultural recognition of the week as a single complete unit of time.
"I don't mean to imply that you shouldn't be involved in significant service projects. Those things are important. But you have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage to pleasantly, smiling non apologetically to say.
no to the other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger yes burning inside. The enemy of the best is often the good.
Trust is the highest form
of human motivation
It's how you treat the one that reveals how you regard the ninety nine because everyone is ultimately a one.
...
Let me suggest six major deposits that build the emotional bank account
...
There are basically two kinds of delegation
"gofer delegation" and "stewardship delegation". Gofer delegation means "go for this go for that do this do that and tell me when its done.
He did look pretty miserable. We talked for a while and then he made a very interesting comment.
"I guess she know all the questions to ask, he said a little sheepishly." "It was at a seminar like this that I met her when I was married to someone else!"
Dag Hammarskjold, past Secretary-General of the United Nations, once made a profound, far-reaching statement:
"It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses."
As you see, the two factors that define an activity are urgent and important.
A ringing phone is urgent. Most people can't stand the thought of just allowing the phone to ring.
the key is not prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.
And this can be best be done in the context of the week.
if you know the failure paths of the job, identify them.
Be honest and open with them. Tell a person where the quicksand is and where the wild animals are.
I am convinced that if stewardship delegation is done correctly.
Both parties will benefit and ultimately much more work will get done in much less time.
The steward becomes his own boss, governed by a conscience that contains the commitment to agreed upon desired results.
But it also releases his creative energies toward doing whatever is necessary in harmony with correct principles to achieve those desired results.
Apologizing sincerely when you make a withdrawal.
Great deposits come in the sincere words "I was wrong" "I embarrassed you in front of your friends and I had no call to do that. Even though I wanted to make a point."
"You know Stephen, I really don't enjoy coming to these seminars."
He had my attention. All I can do is sit and worry about the grilling I'm going to get from my wife tonight on the phone. "She gives me third degree every time I'm away.
They become reactive almost enemy centered.
Rebellion is a know of the heart not of the mind. The key is to make deposits constant deposits of unconditional love..
We accomplish all that we do through delegation either time or to other people. If we delegate to tie, we think efficency.
If we delegate to other people, we think effeciveness.
Attending to the little things
In relationships the little things are the big things.
My, I said you can't talk your way out of problems you behave yourself into.
Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make.
Habit 3 is the second creation the physical creation.
It's the fulfillment, the actualization, the natural emergence of habits 1 and 2. It's the exercise of independent will toward becoming principle centered.
When parents see their children's problems as opportunities to build the relationship instead of as negative, burdensome irritations, it totally changes the nature of parent-child interaction.
Parents become more willing, even excited, about deeply understanding and helping their children.
remember that effective interdependence can only be built on a foundation of true independence.
Private victory precedes public victory. Algebra comes before calculus.
One denominator that all successful people share.
Putting first things first.
Consequences:
Specify what will happen, both good and bad as a result of the evaluation. This could include such things as financial rewards psychic rewards, different job assignments and natural consequences tied into the overall mission of the organization.
The late JC Penny was quoted as saying that the wisest decision he ever made was to let go after realizing that he couldn't do it all by himself any longer.
That decision made long ago enabled the development and growth of hundreds of stores and thousands of people.
Clarifying expectations
The cause of all relationship difficulties is rooted in conflicting or ambiguous expectations around roles and goals.
Our tendency is to project out of our own autobiographies what we think other people want or need.
The golden rule says to do unto other as you would have others do unto you.
Inter dependence is a choice only independent people can make.
The techniques and skills that really make a difference in human interaction are the one that almost naturally flow from a truly independent character.
Guidelines identify the parameters within which the individual should operate.
These should be as few as possible to avoid methods delegation, but should include any formidable restrictions.
The successful person has the habit of doing the things failures don't like to do,
They don't like doing them either necessarily. But their disliking is subordinated to the strength of their purpose.
When we violate the primary laws of love when we attach strings and conditions to that gift we actually encourage others to violate the primary laws of life.
We put them in a reactive, defensive position where they feel they have to prove "I matter as a person independent of you."
The laws of love and the laws of life
When we make deposits of unconditional love when we live the primary laws of love, we encourage others to live the primary laws of life.
The principles involved in stewardship delegation are correct and applicable to any kind of person or situation. With immature people, you specify fewer desired results and more guidelines, identify more resources, conduct more frequent accountability interviews, and apply more immediate consequences.
With more mature people, you have more challenging desired results, fewer guidelines, less frequent accountability, and less measurable but more discernible criteria.
You simply can't think efficiency with people.
You think effectiveness with people and efficency with things.
In other words when we truly love others without condition without strings we help them feel secure and safe and validated
and affirmed in their condition without strings we help them feel secure and safe and validated and affirmed in their essential worth, identity and integrity. Their natural process is encouraged.
I take that to mean that I could devote eight, ten, or twelve hours a day, five, six, or seven days a week to the thousands of people and projects "out there"
and still not have a deep, meaningful relationship with my own spouse, with my own teenage son, with my closest working associate.
Keeping a commitment or a promise is a major deposit breaking one is a major withdrawal. In fact, theres probably not a more massive withdrawal than to make a promise that's important to someone
and then not to come through. The next time a promise is made, they wont believe it. People tend to build their hopes around premises particularly promises about their basic livelihood.
A person must possess himself and have a deep sense of security in fundamental principles
and values in order to genuinely apologize. People with little internal security can't do it.
Point out the potential failure paths,
but don't tell them what not to do.
Importance on the other hand has to do with results. If something is important it
contributes to your mission, your values, your high priority goals.
It is management that puts them first
day by day moment by moment. Management is discipline carrying it out.
To paraphrase Peter Drucker,
effective people are not problem minded they're opportunity minded they feed opportunities and starve problems. They think preventively.
the first person you need to consider in terms of
effectiveness is yourself. To understand and center your life on principles to give clear expression to the purposes and values you want to direct your daily decisions. It helps you create balance in your life.
Effective management is putting
first things first. While leadership decides what first things are.
Management is essentially moving the
fulcrum over, and the key to effective management is delegation.
Integrity is,
fundamentally the value we place on ourselves. It is our ability to make and keep commitments to ourselves to walk our talk.
Resources:
identify the human, financial, technical, or organizational resources the person can draw on to accomplish the desired results.
you can't be successful with other
people if you haven't paid the price of success with yourself.
Understanding the individual
really seeking to understand another person is probably one of the most important deposits you can make and it is the key to every other deposit. What might be a deposit for you might not be by someone else at all. Might be a withdrawal.
Stewardship delegation involves clear up front mutual understanding and commitment
regarding expectations in five areas.
Desired results create a clear mutual understanding of what needs to be accomplished, focusing on what, not how
results not methods. Spend time. be patient. visualize the desired result. Have the person see it describe it, make out a quality statement of what the results will look like and by when they will be accomplished.
"If you're going to bow, bow low.
says easter wisdom.To be a deposit, an apology must be sincere. And it must be perceived as sincere. Leo Roskin taught It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.
Accountability:
set up the standards of performance that will be used in evaluating the results and the specific times when reporting and evaluating the results and the specific times when reporting and evaluation will take place.
the best thinking in the area of time management can be captured in a
single phrase organize and execute around priorities.
An emotional bank account is a metaphor that describes
the amount of trust that's been built up in a relationship. It's the feeling of safeness you have with another human being.
Management is the breaking down, the analysis, the sequencing
the specific application the time bound left brain aspect of effective self government
Question 1
what one thing could you do (you aren't doing now) that if you did on a regular basis, would make a tremendous positive difference in your personal life?
Question 2
what one thing in your business or professional life would bring similar results?
Integrity in an interdependent reality is simply this
you treat everyone by the same set of principles. People will come to trust you.