The Musical Comedy of Murders of 1940: Marjorie Baverstock Lines

Doodles? . . . ah, no. . . phone . . . . PHONE NUMBERS. . . and something is in my eye. . . no . . . got my eye. CAUGHT MY EYE! The last appointment. The night she was murdered. The night she was murdered.

An appointment with whom?

No Marjorie, I remember distinictly because it was the first dark night and. . .

I certainly ought to know where my own damn stage manager was, Ken.

HOPKINS STILL IN THOUGH OUT FARLEY HAS LOST HIS CLOUT YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW THE WAY WHO'S GOT WHOSE EAR TODAY. ICKES AND CORDELL HULL WON'T EVEN TAKE YOUR CALL 'LESS YOU'RE INSIDE OF THE, 'TAKIN' A RIDE ON THE, WHITE HOUSE MERRY-GO-ROUND.

I love it so far and so will Elsa. The tunes. . . the lyrics. . . divoon! Simply divoon!

So it is. Very like the one I just used in "The Circular Staircase," with Paulette Goddard, Laird Gregar, Judith Anderson, Lionel Atwill, George Sanders, Peter Loree, and John Carradine.

I saw it Ken, and I was some of your best work.

Biff. . . Trudy. . . and I'll do all the pageboys.

I'll bet you will.

Obviously it isn't. Though Elsa is. . . eccentric. Though she slithers through life as thought she were Gale Sondergaard. . . her behavior today strikes me as more batty than usual.

If that's possible.

Your eyes are very blue.

Perhaps I will have a drink now. It makes it so much easier to excuse licentious behavior.

Quick, someone, a martini, I am in danger of frostbite.

Roger darling! You look divoon! Simply divoon!

And the candle kept dripping wax on the rug so I moved into the closet and set something on fire.

Set what on fire?

Now? Oh, and one other thing. Yesterday, when we were cleaning out the guest rooms in anticipation of your arrivals, guess what we found? Bebe McAllister's make-up kit. It had somehow been packed with the. . . ah . . . showgirl costumes when the show closed and sent to Princeton University.

Showgirl costumes? I thought Princeton was a men's school.

Oh for God's sake, Marjorie, let her stay! I need to get started.

Sit here, Elsa.

I was not being licentious, Marjorie. A trifle libidinous perhaps. A bit lascivious. But not licentious.

What's the difference?

To other passages. The house is laced with them.

My goodness, Nancy Drew would be in seventh heaven here, wouldn't she? You never told me about this Elsa, never!

No, they weren't.

Weren't what?

Is it? Hasn't anyone wondered why this particular creative group has been gathered in this particular house?

A backer's audition.

Oh, I guess I did that.

A secret passage, Elsa? Where does it lead?

Well, the stage manager was at the theater. i remember because the set designer and I stopped by before going to dinner at Toffenetti's.

Couldn't have been, Ken. The stage manager was with me at the Blue Ribbon.

The book!

Bernice!

And the phone seems to have gone dead. . . Help! We're all going to be murdered! Help!

Bernice, darling, please!

Hi, gang.

Bernice, darling.

You have heard, perhaps, of the Dreyfuss papers? The Colonel Redl letter? The Kruger telegram? The Von Moltke note? The Hotzendorff memo? The Von Emmich shopping list? Events which changed the course of history; with my father at their center, working in clandestine, covert alliance, cloacked in an atmosphere of secrecy, stealth, and subterfuge.

But why the secret passages?

Let him get his own agent.

Elsa, I can't wait for you to hear the show. It's divoon, simply divoon. And I have a budget all worked out. Even down to the opening night party. We'll hold it at Sardi's, naturally, and if we charge the actors just a teensy cover charge, we'll break even.

Ah, you must be Mr. McCuen, since you're the only one unaccounted for. I'm your hostess, Elsa Von Grossenknueten. And of course you know Miss Baverstock and Mr. O'Reilly, since you rode up with them.

Hardly know, Elsa as Mr. McCuen was up front with your driver. I didn't get an opportunity to tell you, Mr. McCuen, that I think it's simply divoon of you to fill in at the last moment.

What?

Has this silliness of Roger's frightened you?

You've added a bracelet, I see.

Have a drink with us, Bernice. I'm having a teeny martooni.

This house was built by him when he left Germany at the end of the war.

He was a general?

Hi gang. Sorry I'm late getting downstairs, but the storm froze the lock on my overnight case and I've been upstairs heating it with a candle.

Heating the lock?

I must have that martini.

How about our performers? Dare you have a drink before attempting to entice Elsa out of her money.

Sauerbraten?

How inspired! She's chosen a dish, that even if she ruined, no one could tell the difference.

Do you mind if I watch a bit, Ken? You know how I adore the rehearsal process.

It will spoil the audition for you, Elsa.

Is all our company met?

Ken darling! How divoon!

Ja wohl.

Ken darling, look. A secret passage.

Marjorie, honey.

Kids, this is Ken De La Maize, your director. Whom haven't you met, Ken?

Marjorie, sweetheart, love your new word.

Let me introduce. Actors, this Roger Hopewell. They're to do your music, Roger. Miss Crandall, Mr. McCuen, Mr. O'Reilly.

I shan't stay long. Just a soupcon.

No, really, I. . .

Really, Mr. McCuen! For that to be true the killer would have to be in this room.

Oh, let's not be ridiculous. Of course it isn't one of us. We're show people. So. . . on with "act the second." As Shakespeare might have said.

Okay. "White House Merry-Go-Round," Act Two. It opens in the Senate Chambers. On stage are Biff and Trudy. There are also some pageboys.

Sounds divoon. . . simply divoon.

"Streets of Paris." Well, Universal has signed them and we've been approached about some songs.

That reminds me. The lead dancer from that show. The boy. . . Grover Champion. . .

Be realistic, Roger.

This, cast, is Bernice Roth, the librettist. Your cast.

They're nothing Marjorie. Just your average, ordinary, everyday secret passageways.

Was this a stop on the underground railway or something?

Gower Champion.

We should think about him. I know you're only in the first draft, Bernice, but think about taking that long, long, looong section where the sailor is telling the girl how beautiful she is and making it a ballet.

I know, but . . .

Well I know I, for one, would be quite sorry to see you go. I've been hearing such good things about your work. And of course, Ken De La Maize, who is directing the audition knows every agent in Hollywood. Do you have an agent in Hollywood, Eddie?

No, the note doesn't say the theater; it says the hotel. The night she was murdered she had an appointment at the hotel.

With whom? No one was there.