Week 10: Conflict Types and Conflict Management, Difficult Conversations

Difficult Conversations

-can continue in workplace in different contexts

Conflict Types & Conflict Management

-conflict can depend on different contexts of life -may have daily conflicts with family members (about self autonomy) -roommate conflicts -conflicts with coworkers

Conflict in Organizations

-conflict can occur in any organization when employees with DIFFERENT backgrounds and priorities work together. -Can be expressed in different ways; lack of communication, anger, silent treatment Cause: clashes of personalities, misunderstood communications Negative Effects: work disruptions, decreased productivity, absenteeism (people call in sick to AVOID conflict or dealing with coworkers), increased turnover or termination. *Emotional stress can be BOTH a cause and effect on workplace conflict -looking at trend from 1998-2016, according to Christine Prath an associate prof at Georgetown University's McDonald's School of Business, in 1998, 25% of employees surveyed reported being treated rudely at work. They were treated rudely at least ONCE a week. -By 2016, 62% of employees surveyed reported being treated rudely at work. They were treated rudely at least ONCE a week

Working Better Together

-difficult conversations are necessary for work, and social settings -only other option is to "Avoid" them, which does not address or resolve the situation -Difficult conversations are RARELY linear when reaching a decision point. -it is ok to use BOTH divergent and convergent thinking -when possible, ask the other party what THEY THINK the solution can be, work and brainstorm together to find a MUTUALLY aggregable solution. -as the meeting draws to a close, thank them for their time and openness, remind them of an action plan to implement change going forward, summarize some key points to Bring up in last step (solve), such as "moving forward, how do think we can all AVOID a REPEAT of the past? Thank you for being receptive and helping improve our work environment" -more you address difficult conversations with a positive solution oriented approach, the better you will get at it and the less awkward you will feel.

Preparation Process ILETS Model for Easier Conversations

-if looking to have a conversation: Gather thoughts; the ones we want to INFORM the other person about Calmly discuss HOW we will discuss the event Preparation: -In the preparation stage thinking about getting the right FRMAE OF MIND and how we can EMPOWER LEARNING and NOT provoke combativeness. -proper preparation will make conversations easier, less intimidating and MORE effective -it also DEMONSTRATES to the person your dealing with that you took time to REFLECT on your feelings and those of employees Process: -needs to be SUFFICENT TIME set aside to have meeting and a relatively comfortable/neutral location -needs the USE Of the ILETS model ILETS Model: 1. Introduce 2. Listen 3. Empathize 4. Talk 5. Solve 1. Introduce: -when proposing discussion, try to phrase in a POSITIVE TONE, key not to make the other person feel they are in trouble. Rather make it look like its resolving the issue and finding a solution that satisfies BOTH of you -can use DIFFERENT wording around like "thanks for taking the time to speak with me, I really appreciate it. As I mentioned.. (introduce problem)" 2. Listen: -listen as if your ONLY job at the moment is to UNDERSTAND -key is to provide ample space and time for person your in discussion with to make sure that you understand THEIR perspective -to do this: use ACTIVE LISTENING skills, ask relevant FOLLOW UP QUESTIONS AFTER -Listening includes: thanking them for their time, restating reason for conversation before it begins, asking for their point of view and making a conscious effort to see things from THEIR perspective -be OPEN MINDED and CURIOUS (we all have differing perspectives) -can include open ended questions, however make sure it does NOT FEEL LIKE AN INTEROGATION 3. Empathize: -demonstrate that you truly listened, without necessary showing you AGREE -many people just want to be HEARD, feel reassured when we are heard and ensured someone is committed to assisting us -when empathizing, its important to AVOID MAKING your OWN assumptions about the situation, as this often leads to MISCOMMUNICATION -important to be SELF AWARE (recognize the role you may have played in situation) -*acknowledging situation DOES NOT mean agreement; -can recognize a different perspective WITHOUT agreeing with it. If the other person misinterprets paraphrasing for acknowledgement, need to clearly express you are only trying to understand HOW THEY VIEW the situation -Ex. "thanks for taking the time to share and explain your perspective, this is what I understood ____, does this sound right to you?" -express understanding without agreement at this point 4. Talk: -ensuring what you have to say is HEARD AS WELL -need to express YOUR PERCEPTION of what happened clearly and WITHOUT apologies -need *CANDOR: to be open and precise. Need to clarify your perspective, but DON'T MINIMIZE their situation. Can explain their side of the story WITHOUT accusing. -can be assertive, but don't just agree to END conversation; leading TEAM that is more important than just this one person -*CLARIFYING YOUR PERSPECTIVE is important in step 4 5. Solve: -work TOWARDS solution -if ending difficult conversation WITHOUT action plan, then only STARTED conversation and it WONT lead to a resolution. You and other party need to work TOGETHER towards a LONG TERM SUSTAINABLE SOLUTION, may need to work through GREATER understanding and trust. -having a CLEAR plan as to NEXT steps, ensures everyone is accountable -now is the time if you are UNCLEAR about something, go back to asking questions

*Self Quiz Q's

1. A conflict resulting from drama between two co-workers can be considered which "Type of Interpersonal Conflict?" a) Task b) Process c) Relationship d) None of the above ANS: C) 2. Hussein has a conflict with a classmate and in order to resolve the issue, he puts his classmate's wishes over his own. Which "Conflict Management Style" did Hussein use? a) Avoiding b) Compromising c) Collaborating d) Accommodating ANS: D)

Synchronous class;

3 types of conflict: 1. Task: what needs to get done 2. Process: how to complete work 3. Relationship: between 2 ppl -conflict can motivate INTERPERSONAL conversations (does the conversation lead to conflict, or is the conversation about the conflict) -ILETS Model: ALL 5 are needed (if leave out one or more of these, then won't be as effective) Intro: if left out might lead to diff points of view Talk: if left out, Abilene paradox Managing Conflict: -everyone has a predisposition to a specific conflict management style -if the SAME ONE always used might not be as effective later on -*know what your manger's conflict style is: 1. Dominating (MY WAY): -being assertive, uncooperative -step in -uncooperative (non negotiable, directive) -Positives: used for room full of marshmallows, safety concerns etc.) 2. Avoiding (NO WAY): -unassertive, uncooperative, not doing anything, doesn't do anything, doesn't offer opinion -Pros: inconsequential issue (doesn't matter)/low importance, differ coming up with situation, culture where team dynamics is more important than individual concerns 3. Accommodate (YOUR WAY): -unassertive, cooperative; give input, but manager is dominating -cooperative with manager, raise point once told no and don't press further -might not fully voice opinion -pros: we don't have enough power, can be new or learning (differing to subject matter expertise) 4. Collaborating (OUR WAY): -highly cooperative and assertive -optimal for ambiguous/ new problems -MUTUAL trust btwn manager and employee (IDEAL FOR PROBLEMS THAT REQUIRE INNOVATION) -come up with novel idea between the two -*TIED TO AUTHOIRTY TYPE: interdependence Ex. Microsoft made mistakes in early mobile strategy; Balmer manager for mobile: -DOMINATING systematically forcing out other opinions that conflict (diverge) from his own (challenging authority) After 3 or more yrs, who would remain on the steam with Steve Ballmer managed? -accommodating -avoiding -these 2 are both more passive -The real reason Steve Ballmer left Microsoft (Nov 19th 2013) for mobile strategy: -he couldn't motivate his team or get them to contribute -as a manager we MOULD the attitudes of our team (if managers effectively CHANGE their management style it can impact the team. Ex. If employee brings about strategy to inc mkt share then can be ACCOMIDATING if it brings about a NET GAIN for the org) -ABILENES PARADOX of group members (more silence from avoiders, not voicing true diverging opinions) -social skills + competence (human capital)= 72% likelihood of being seen as a GREAT LEADER

5 Conflict Styles

5 Conflict Management Styles: 1. Competing: -indicates HIGH concern for SELF and LOW concern of OTHERS -when competing, attempting to WIN, implies there is LOSER -NON coercive strategies include PERSUADING or REQUESTING -when requesting, often requesting a CHANGE in the behaviour of the OTHER person involved in conflict -making a request or asking, does NOT require as much information exchange as persuading, -if we are persuading someone to change their behaviour or actions, need to give REASONS why and to SUPPORT the suggestion. Therefore INCREASED exchange of information when persuading -persuading is often MORE effective than requesting in a COMPETING style -*competing style is NOT the same as having a competitive disposition 2. Collaborating: -involves HIGH degree of concern for self AND other person -usually an INVESTMENT in the conflict AND the work RELATIONSHIP -this style takes the MOST WORK AND TIME in terms of communication -results in WIN WIN for BOTH parties, with some mutual concessions -adv is that both parties are satisfied, which may lead to more positive conflict resolution in the future -disadvantage is that is TIME CONSUMING, and maybe ONLY ONE party will win while the other is willing to COMPROMISE OR ACCOMIDATE 3. Avoiding: -involves LOW concern for self and LOW concern for the other person -no DIRECT communication about conflict occurs -from a GLOBAL perspective, some cultures value GROUP HARMONY over individual interests. Where avoiding is actually DUE TO A HIGH CONCERN OF OTHERS (like "holding your tongue") -this is a limitation of model -there is some communication when avoiding conflict (through BODY LANGUAGE and verbal vs non verbal cues may give away some feelings when trying to avoid conflict) -avoiding style is either: 1. INDIRECT or 2.PASSIVE , little EXCHANGE of info and makes this approach LESS effective than others -However, the avoidance style may NOT be ENTIRELY ineffective; ex. When conflict is of little importance/ relevance to you, if it is a short term relationship may chose to avoid addressing it if they are only working with you for a week *avoiding is OFTEN USED when little to NO requirement of investing time, communication skills or emotion. Or even if the conflict is of little importance/value to you -however the person we are in conflict with is NOT leaving the office soon, harder to IGNORE problem, as you become MORE PERSONALLY invested into it -avoiding strategies: using jokes or hints (INDIRECT STREATEGY) can lead to built up anger and frustration. 4. Accommodating: -indicates LOW concern for self and HIGH concern for others -often viewed as more PASSIVE form of conflict management, because one person COMPLIES WITHOUT providing personal input -people tend to accommodate in business, when the other person is seen as the EXPERT -person may be OBEDIENT, often due to fears of repercussions or punishments in workplace if they speak up. Sometimes we may generally feel generous and may authentically WANT to accommodate someone else -other times people in the work place may be tired in workplace and GIVE IN, or priorities have CHANGED -accommodating can be appropriate when there is: -limited chance we can achieve our goal -when we think we might be wrong -if we continue to advocate for our position, it may have a NEGATIVE IMPACT on our relationship 5. Compromising: -shows MODERATE concern for self & others -NOT a WIN WIN situation, it is a PARTIAL WIN LOSE situation; one or both members might give up most or some of what they want -in the SHORT term, this may resolve conflict, but if OVERUSED may lead to feelings of resentment -often used when there is TIME CONSTRAINT, or a PROLONGED conflict that might be detrimental to the work relationship -also more common if BOTH parties have EQUAL power -DISADVANTAGES: may appear to be easier way to resolve conflict since both parties find the situation somewhat agreeable

*Self Quiz Q

A group of co-workers all disagree with an important decision their manager is about to make, which will affect them. After work, they meet for coffee and have a respectful, robust dialogue about how they plan on approaching their manager the next day. Which element of "Difficult Conversations" is missing? a) Two or more people ("group of coworkers") b) Outcomes are important (plans on how to approach manager next day) c) Viewpoints differ ("all disagree") d) Emotions run high (they had a RESPECTFUL, robust dialogue, NO LARGE display of emotion present) ANS: D)

As a manager, what is the best conflict management style?

Conflict management styles: there are NO NECESSARILY good or bad styles. -there are 5 styles that can lead to successful strategies -depends on situation -important to develop the ability to RECOGNIZE when a style would be appropriate and adapt your style to the circumstance -however, there are INEFFECTICE techniques of applying some of conflict management styles, better off avoiding these in certain situations -also need to remember that conflict management styles are NOT stable personality characteristics (i.e eye colour/height), DOES NOT have to do with ability or personality. -Conflict styles are your PREFERENCES and you tend to have a NATURAL preference out of the 5 styles

Synchronous class; Dialogue vs Discussion Abilene Paradox & 3 Ways to avoid it Talking Stick Origins and importance

Dialogue vs Discussion; Robust decision making: Conversation: -lack of understanding, disagreement, diverging points of view, not revealing true feelings A. Debate/Discussion: -STRAIGHT LINE conversation provides a speedy decision w/ minimal conflict; -no time -talk MORE than listen -defensive listening -ASSUME you have the right answers -persuade, sell and find flaws Result: -retain fixed mindset -short term solution -ratify your position -others beaten down PROS: -get to decision point very quickly (directive answers/results) Ex. Useful for mandate/safety issues -problem solving -clear situation B. Dialogue: -Divergent and convergent thinking helps to bring multiple perspectives, opinions and answers; -SLOW down -LISTEN MORE than talk -focus on the WHOLE -SEEK common ground -many people have pieces of the answer -everyone is heard Result: -see bigger picture -long term innovative situation -fix the big issue -all on board for decision -divergent/convert thinking -lots of discussion -see big picture -NEW/AMBIGIOUS issue (no clear policies, or handbook for issue) -typically takes more time but has BETTER results Abilene Paradox: -individuals are NOT willing to act CONTRARY to what they BELIEVE the other members of the group are thinking or doing. Do not voice their TRUE feelings! -all agree to go somewhere/do something but didn't actually want to -someone throws out an idea that everyone initially agrees too but didn't actually want to do and ends up being resentful later on -meetings DIVERTED by UNSTATED agendas and blaming, insinuations and power plays -silence ≠ agreement -can be pondering it, may disagree and want kinder words to disagree -*IF THERE IS SILENCE DO NOT ASSUME THAT THE GROUP AGREES (they may be thinking it over still) 3 Ways to avoid Abilene Paradox: 1. Create safe environment; -want feel like we "belong" and LEADERS: must create an environment where people they can voice a differing opinion *MANAGERS MUST MODEL THE BEHAVIOUR THEY DESIRE (ask probing questions, engage listen) 2. Expect teams to disagree; *AVOID GROUPTHINK (where everyone has the same idea) -if teams are built to provide a RANGE of skills & review diff issues, EXPECTED to have variety of perspectives -should be made CLEAR who will review evidence and make final decision LEADER: both sides of argument must be explored 3. Not only being heard, but ACTIVELY LISTENED TO Talking Stick: -story that it originated from the following indigenous communities: the Mohawk, Seneca, Cayuga, Oneida and the Onandaga -ensures members self moderate -whoever is holding the stick is speaking , may be asked q's, but cant throw out your own ideas Why use the talking stick? 1. Ensures EVERYONE has an opportunity to speak 2. the process encourages everyone to LISTEN more carefully 3. when everyone has a turn, it REDUCES COMPETITION for time and attention -don't have to think about what you are saying, just have to listen 4. It BUILDS TRUST and SAFETY in community 5. RESPECT for the ideas and contributions of others is the process

What are some characteristics of difficult conversations?

Difficult conversation: when two or more people are discussing something where the OUTCOMES are IMPORTANT. DIFFERENT view points and emotions might be or are running quite HIGH. -when want to delay or avoid conversation, one or more of these 3 factors are at play; -1. talking to team members about quality of work -2. give unfavourable feedback to report -3. laying off employee

Types of Interpersonal Conflict; Task Process Relationship

Interpersonal conflict occurs in interactions and may occur when real or perceived goals are NOT ALIGNED between members. -if there are SCARCE resources or MORE differing view points, this may lead to INCREASED interpersonal conflict -Interpersonal conflict can be expressed verbally OR non verbally, may be perceived as cold shoulder, lack of communication, or obvious argument -conflict is NOT always negative and NOT ALWAYS UNPRODUCTIVE -research studies have shown that the QUANTITIY of conflicts occurring in a work environment is NOT AS IMPORTANT as the METHOD/WAY the conflict is HANDLED 1. Task conflict (WHAT should we do?): -which tasks are important? -which tasks can we agree on? -which tasks have lower priority? 2. Process Interpersonal Conflict (HOW should we do it?): -how will the tasks be assigned? -do people take the tasks that adhere to their strengths? -how will we split up the less desirable tasks? -once the tasks are assigned, how should we actually approach it? -what is the timeline? What are the expectations regarding the deliverable dates? 3. Relationship Interpersonal Conflict (ONE OF THE BIGGEST ISSUES IN CONFLICT a manager must address): -often a challenge, since this is members on the team that don't want to work with the same members again => i.e "I don't like you/I don't want to work with you"

What difficult conversations should look like; Part A Typical Group Decision Making Part B Robust Dialogue

Part A Typical Group Decision Making: Viewpoints lead to a STRAIGHT LINE toward outcome of conversation/decision often because people each believe they have more important things to do and actually want the meeting to be over with Part B Robust Dialogue: -the team is engaging in DIVERGENT thinking and WELCOMING DIVERSE perspectives in the FIRST half -LONGER process as the team works toward listening and integrating various points of view, before reaching the final decision point -this can be helpful when it is a COMPLICATED problem, there may LONGER dialogue to reach the decision point , but typically the problem is implemented and solved in LESS time then usual -pattern is typically a divergent stage with MULTIPLE perspectives, insights and opinions (left hand side of diagram) and the RIGHT HAND side of diagram STARTS TO CONVERGE *Diverging thinking leading to => converging thinking -Q: does conflict arise in a group that has very different opinions? Or is there a potential conflict in a group that ACTUALLY agrees (abeline paradox)?

"In a conflict being willing to change allows you to move from a point of view to a VIEWING point -A higher, more expansive place, from which can see both sides" -Thomas Crum

Thomas Crum is an author and presenter in the fields of conflict resolution, peak performance and stress management -powerful tool to MITIGATE conflict is information EXCHANGE. Asking for more information BEFORE reacting to conflict triggering event, is an effective way to add time and space between triggering event and reaction -According to Alan Sellers, generally strategies that facilitate information exchange can include CONCERN for mutual goals will be MORE successful at managing conflict