Week 7

5 factors of falling in love: physical attractivness

"What's beautiful is good" -indicative of physical health/fertility -most important in beginning of relationship -heterosexual males place greater value on physical appearance initially -research suggests we pick partners at similar attractiveness to ourselves -status by association

ideal love

"we're in love with love" -idealize and sometimes hold unrealistic expectations of love, sex, and long lasting relationships -disappointed when the reality of our relationship does not reflect our ideal -according to researchers love being and staying in love is a more conscious process

Falling in love: neurobiology (when we meet someone attractive)

-PEA is released in large amounts -dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin are also released (passionate love) -low levels of serotonin = obsessive thinking

3 hormones of falling in love

-all chemically similar to amphetamine drugs that produce euphoria, elation and excitement

Falling in love: neurobiology (after some time)

-amphetamine-like highs and elevated feelings of sexual arousal do not last -overtime body develops tolerance to PEA and related neurotransmitters -with time brains become unable to keep up the demand for more and more PEA to produce lover's special kick -high felt at start of romantic relationship begins to diminish

5 factors of falling in love: similarity

-beliefs, values, attitudes, interests, intellectual abilities -level of physical attractiveness(fear of rejection or other factors) -age, educational status and religion (homophily) Why? shared similar interests, activities and communication styles confirm own views and experiences and supportive of values and beliefs

Types of Love (many forms)

-between parent and child, family members, lovers, friends (familial)

Companionate Love

-characterized by a friendly affection for a deep attachment -based on extensive familiarity with loved one -often involve thoughtful appreciation of another -tolerance for another's shortcomings with a desire to overcome difficulties

love and sex

-connection not always clear -sex without love - hook ups, friend with benefits -love can exist independent of sexual attraction -combination of both is ideal

oxytocin

-cuddling, physical intimacy -important to sexual arousal -plays an important role in facilitating interpersonal attachments

Falling in love: neurobiology (not bad news)

-endorphin's play an enduring role in love -progression from infatuation to deep attachment -euphoria, security, tranquility, peace, "feel good" oxytocin released creating a sense of bonding and well being -dopamine contributes to our sexual arousal and interest in connecting sexually with out partner

love maps

-explain the certain pull toward someone, without knowing why -the theory: a love map is an imprinted TYPE that creates attraction -definition: the product of early childhood experiences delivered to us via the 5 senses -tend to seek out lovers that fit with the love stamp that is on our brain -not necessarily fulfilling, can go with or against our type -Dr. Helen Fisher=power of love maps in directing our attention and attraction to partners

Bowlby & Attachment

-first to observe the need for physical closeness between a mother and child -with consistent and reliable parents models, infants begin to trust that the world is a good place and believe that they have some value in it -encourages exploration and relationship development -in secure attachments lie the seeds for self esteem, initiative and independence

self love

-genuine interest, concern and respect for self -self-knowledge -unconditional positive self regard -prerequisite for a satisfying relationship with others

adult attachments: secure

-includes safety, stability, nurturance, and acceptance -create autonomy, competence, and sense of identity -freedom to express valid needs and emotions -spontaneity and play -realistic limits and self-control

adult intimate attachments

-individual transfer attachment styles and patterns acquired from parent child interactions to adult relationships -couples with secure attachment style reported highest level of relationship satisfaction, especially if their partner also had that style

attachment research Ainsworth

-infant attachments may determine how we relate to adult partners -lab procedure "strange situation" -the behavior of 1 year old infants assessed under various circumstance and discovered infants act different in these situations -securely attached children: (60%) used mothers as a safe base for exploring and playing with toys in the room -insecurely attached children: (40%) sowed more apprehension and a reluctance tendency to leave their mothers to explore -allowed subdivision of insecure attachments

Passionate Love

-infatuation; intense psychological feelings of tenderness, elation, anxiety, sexual desire and ecstasy -involves avoidance of conflict and feelings of completeness -extreme absorption of desire for another -overlook shortcomings of partner -logic and reasoning overcome by excitement -occurs early in a relationship and is short lived -typically measured in months not year

acting with love

-instead of a feeling consider love as an action -feeling of love comes and goes-can't control it but the action of love is something that you can control, regardless of how you are feeling

Sternberg's Triangular Theory Empirical Support

-intimacy and commitment predicative of relationship stability and longevity -married people show higher commitment than unmarried -compatibility of a couple enhanced if both partners possess similar levels of passion, intimacy, and commitment

attachment

-key ingredient in many definitions of love -close emotional ties that exist between two people -lens for viewing adult love and the nature of adult relationships

5 factors of falling in love: proximity

-mere exposure effect -familiarity breeds predictability which creates greater comfort -often reflects shared interests

attachment theory

-our primary motivation in life is to be connected with other people, "survival need" -3rd level of maslow's hierarchy "friendships, family, sexual intimacy"

adult attachments: anxious-ambivalent

-poor self image -feel insecure and dissatisfied with their romantic relationships

healthy love

-relationships present many challenges and can also help people to face life challenges together -self acceptance, acceptance by ones partner, appreciation of one another, commitment, good communication, realistic expectations, shared interests, equality in decision making, ability to face conflict effectively -characteristics of a relationship change over time and need to be deliberately cultivated -it is important to take an active role in developing and sustaining the relationship by keeping the relationship prominent in one's life and priorities -prioritize one another

Adult attachments

-secure -anxious ambivalent -avoidant attachment

Love

-special attitude with behavioral and emotional components -different to different people -difficult to measure

Dr. Harris ACT with Love: Love myths

-the perfect partner -we are incomplete -love should be easy -everlasting love -if it was meant to be

Sternberg's Triangular Theory Time Scale

-theorizes that the passion component of love peaks early in a relationship and then declines, where as the other two components, intimacy and commitment, continue to build gradually over time -intimacy continued to rise in long term relationship, passion declined for both sexes but more sharply for women than men

5 factors of falling in love: reciprocity

-when someone shows they like us, we tend to like them back -increase self esteem -increased likelihood of relationship enduring

characteristics of successful relationships

1. supportive communication: honesty and openness and willingness to discuss difficult issues 2. companionship: sharing mutual interests and enjoying may activities together 3. sexual expression: spontaneity and variety in sexual sharing, feeling sexually attracted to partner

Sternberg's Triangular Theory

3 dimensions/components: passion, intimacy, and commitment

love stumbles

40% of Aus marriages end in divorce

3 love theories

Zick Rubin, John Lee, Sternberg

John Lee's Styles of Loving: altruistic

[AGAPE] selflessness, caring, compassionate desire to give to another without expectation of reciprocity; non-demanding love

John Lee's Styles of Loving: romatic

[EROS] physical beauty and search for ideal mate; affectionate, communicative

John Lee's Styles of Loving: game playing

[LUDOS] play the field, sexual conquests with little commitment, love for fun, relationships are casual and transitory

John Lee's Styles of Loving: possessive

[MANIA] inclined to seek obsessive love relationships, chaotic relationships, jealousy, possessiveness

John Lee's Styles of Loving: pragmatic

[PRAGMA] select lovers based on practical criteria(shared interests, life goals) that are likely to lead to mutual satisfaction; compatibility base

John Lee's Styles of Loving: companionate

[STORGE] slow to develop affection and commitment but tend to experience enduring relationship, peaceful kind of relationship that develops over time

adult attachments: avoidant

adults feel uncomfortable with any degree of closeness to a partner -may be less resistant to temptations for infidelity due to lower levels of commitment in romantic relationships -often have difficulty trusting or depending on a partners -view other negatively and thus find it hard to let others get close to them and share intimacy -desire a great deal of independence

neurotransmitters

allow brain cells to communicate with one another

Rubin's "Love Scale" 3 components

attachment, caring, intimacy

5 factors of falling in love: sociobiology

behavior explained by evolutionary needs -men attracted to young attractive females to maximize reproductive success -women attracted to older, established men to maximize their reproductive success -sociobiology 3-4 year lifespan for relationships because that's when reproduction is viable

factors for love stumbles

changing social norms changing social roles relay in age of first marriage higher expectations of marriage decreased support for institution romantic love traps

Sternberg's Triangular Theory "empty love"

commitment alone

Rubin's "Love Scale" 3 components: caring

concern for the other's well-being

Sternberg's Triangular Theory: all 3 components presents

consummate love the kind of love that people often strive for and find difficult to attain and/or sustain

Rubin's "Love Scale" 3 components: intimacy

desire for close, confidential communication and understanding

Rubin's "Love Scale" 3 components: attachment

desire for the physical presence and emotional support of the other person

attributes for a loving relationship

good communication, commitment, high quality of emotional and physical intimacy

love traps

ideals of what love should be

Sternberg's Triangular Theory "liking"

intimacy alone

Sternberg's Triangular Theory: various combinations

intimacy alone = friendship passion alone = infatuation commitment alone = empty love passion + intimacy = romantic love intimacy + commitment = companionate love

Sternberg's Triangular Theory "companionate love"

intimacy and commitment

Sternberg's Triangular Theory "romantic love"

intimacy and passion

Sternberg's Triangular Theory "consummate love"

intimacy and passion and commitment

Love between friends

involves concern for the other's well being (platonic)

love myths

message: find the "right partner" and you'll be whole and complete, and remain deeply in love for the rest of your life IMPOSSIBLE

endorphins

most likely associated with long term loving relationships

oxytocin research

nasal spray containing oxytocin can enhance reported level of connection and trust between people

Love - Biopsychosocial Approach

neurobiology, timing, compatibility, connection

3 hormones of falling in love

norepinephrine, dopamine, (PEA) phenylethylamine

Sternberg's Triangular Theory "infatuation"

passion alone

Sternberg's Triangular Theory "fatuous love"

passion and commitment

Lovers may experience two additional types of love

passionate(transitory) and companionate(enduring)

5 factors of falling in love

proximity similarity physical attractiveness reciprocity sociobiology

Falling in love: With Whom?

research suggests 5 factors & love maps

John Lee's Styles of Loving

romantic, game playing, possessive, compassionate, altruistic, pragmatic

John Lee's Styles of Loving Theory

successful relationship lie in finding a mate who shares the same style of love. suggests that relationships fall to thrive over time because people are speaking "different languages" when they speak of love. love attitude scale developed to measure Lee's 6 loving styles and studies that have used this scale have shown support for Lee's hypothesis that relationship success is influenced by the compatibility of the loving styles of a couple

Sternberg's Triangular Theory: non-love

the absence of all 3, how we feel about casual aquaintences

Sternberg's Triangular Theory: commitment

the conscious decision to love another and maintain a relationship over time despite the difficulties that may arise

Sternberg's Triangular Theory: intimacy

the emotional component of love - the sense of being bonded with another person

Sternberg's Triangular Theory: passion

the motivational component that fuels romantic feelings, physical attraction, and desire for sexual interaction

love most well accepted definition

unconditional positive regard

Rubin's "Love Scale"

used to investigate that lovers spend a great deal of time looking in each others eyes. Couples were observed through one way mirror and findings revealed weak loves made significant;y less eye contact than did strong lovers however some people argue it's impossible to measure love with a paper and pencil measure

Falling in love brain chemistry

when we "fall in love" or "lust" the initial elation, excitement, giddiness and euphoria we feel are due to the release of 3 key brain chemicals

2007 study on 4 college campuses

women: viewed relationships as emotionally involved with focus on friendship men: viewed more casual with emphasis on sexual benefits