You and Me and Pornography: How Porn Affects Relationships

According to Diane Russell, what happens to men who look at pornography repeatedly? (p. 160)

"Come to think that unusual sex acts are much more frequently performed in sexual relationships all over the country, because of course that's what they're seeing in porn." They begin to believe that anal sex and S&M are common practices, part of every happy.,-go-lucky couple's repertoire. And if they're not doing it, something's wrong with them. They're not adventurous enough. They're missing out. Then introduce it to their partners.

Why did Kara think Rob used pornography? (p. 138-139)

As a way to get himself off without having to deal with a woman's vulnerabilities or confront his own insecurities and fears. He wanted no strings attached, no responsibility, no risk. He was intimidated by real-life sexuality and porn was a safe fantasy for him.

What did Bridget feel like when she found that Marc had been looking at porn? (p. 157)

Butterflies in her stomach. She didn't recognize him and she felt rejected.

What did Jessica do at Joe's suggestion? (p. 160)

Consulted a plastic surgeon to get breast implants.

According to Mark Schwartz what is pornography always a sign of? (p. 155)

Disconnection.

What is the view of the vast majority of women towards men looking at pornography? (p. 147)

Do not like when men look at it.

For many men what does pornography take away from? (p. 154)

From time and energy that could be better spent on marriage and family

What is reflected in Katie Couric's reaction to the the advice of Dr. Gail Saltz? (p. 142-143)

Guilt for being "inadequate" and agrees to do pornography together with her husband despite her dislike for it

In pornography, what does partnered life do? (p. 141)

Hampers sexual pleasure.

What is the result for Ashley of her peers' open usage of pornography? (p. 158)

Major insecurity.

What wrecked the relationship between Leigh and Max? (p. 146-147)

Max refused to stop looking at pornography on his own.

In the Elle-MSNBC poll what did 45% of men who used pornography for five or more hours a week say? (p. 153)

That they were masturbating too much.

According to attorneys what is pornography increasingly connected to? (p. 166-167)

The Internet. 58% of those were the result of a spouse looking at excessive amounts of pornography online.

What is the wordless pact that boys sign? (p. 162)

This is our secret.

What do media messages often encourage women to do with regard to porn? (p. 142)

To try pornography themselves.

What happened to spoil the relationship between Nathalie and her boyfriend? (p. 146)

When she discovered his private sex life. "When he started watching these things alone while I was at his place." When he brought her a vibrator.

What does Aline Zoldbrod say has to be in place before a couple introduces pornography into their sex life as a couple's activity?

A close emotional foundation.

According to some sex therapists and couples counselors what is a woman's discomfort with porn a reflection if? (p. 145)

A woman's discomfort with her own sexuality.

According to Marcia Maddox, what is pornography like?

Using pornography is like adultery. It's often effectively desertion-men abandoning their family to spend time with porn.

How does Jonah think pornography is an enhancement to his sex life with his fiancé? (p. 170)

What once felt like cheating to Jonah now feels like a boon to his sexuality. He has trained himself to think about pornography while having sex with his fiancee, Stephanie, in order to keep himself excited and involved, and told her what he was doing.

What do media and therapists do to women who blame themselves when their partners stray into pornography? (p. 168-169)

Women are reinforced in this self-blam

How does Mia analyze her boyfriend wanting to watch porn while having sex? (p. 157-158)

"There was something about him needing the objectification of another woman to turn him on," Mia says. "Then he could transfer that excitement to my body."

For Trey what sexual experience does pornography provide for him? (p. 164)

Helps him cope with that reality.

What do women typically feel who discover their partner's porn use? (p. 165)

Hurt, angry, and betrayed.

What is the inevitable side-effect of men's secrecy around porn? (p.162)

If men are hiding it, women figure, there's got to be a reason. If they're hiding it, they don't want their wives and girlfriends to know. If they're hiding it, there's got to be cause for worry. If they're hiding it, it's got to be wrong.

Under what conditions do some therapist think a man's use of pornography on his own would work in a relationship? (p. 148)

If the woman doesn't object to pornography If the man uses pornography in moderation And if the man is always emotionally and physically available for his wife.

According to Aaliyah, what is the problem in pornography? (p. 151)

In it, women are always servicing men.

How does Aline Zoldbrod describe men and women's sexuality? (p. 151)

In real life, sexually speaking, women are Crock-Pots and men are microwaves.

According to Naomi Wolf, what inability do young women worry about? (p. 152)

Inability of women to be "porn-worthy" in the eyes of young men, the hopelessness of competing on the basis of pornography, and the loneliness induced by porn-infused sex.

What is one of the major attractions of pornography for men? (p. 148)

It is dissociated from real-life pressures, emotional entanglements, and commitment.

What do many women remark about men who watch a lot of pornography? (p. 151)

Lack of foreplay from men.

According to filtering company WiseChoice.net what do more than half its adult customers use it for? (p. 166)

Not to block their kids' access but to keep themselves and other adults from looking.

In the Elle-MSNBC poll, what did one in five men confess to? (p. 153)

Of having sex less often with their partners.

Because what rarely transpires in real life is especially appealing as a fantasy, what does pornography do? (p. 161)

Glorifies the practices that women are least likely to accommodate.

According to Jessica , what is her boyfriend's pornography use about? (p. 150)

About him avoiding his own insecurities. "It's safe for him to 'get' his fantasy woman without having to risk his self-esteem in any way."

What do one-third of women married to a cyberspace user consider their partner's online activities akin to what? (p. 163)

Adultery.

According to Mark Scwartz what is the distinction between free-flow fantasy and porn-induced fantasy? (p. 141)

Free-flow Fantasy: individual's prerogative; all in the mind; inspires a man to seek out and understand his desires; open-ended; private; natural. Pornography: an industry prescriptive; in print, on video, and online; lets others decide his desires for him; designates a beginning, middle, and end; mediated; artificial and commercialized; comes across differently to women than it does to men.

For Eliot, what does fantasy do? (p. 140)

Fills the empty space that he has with his girlfriend Sophia. He believes that, "Fantasizing about other people helps with fidelity." "Helps engage in fantasy as not to do these things in real life".

What male sentiments does prolonged exposure to pornography foster?

Fosters male sentiments against having a family at all. For those who already have a family, the urge is to withdraw.

Which generation is more likely to believe that pornography improves ones sex life? (p. 143)

People in their thirties (members of the so-called Generation X).

According to Jonah, what is absent in using pornography? (p. 149)

Performance anxiety.

What conclusion do women reach, that is reinforced by a pornified culture? (p. 171)

Porn is inevitable and there's nothing they can do. Believe it is excusable, natural, and unavoidable.

What do many women feel upon discovering their mate's pornography preferences? (p. 159)

Pressured to pony up

What does pornography have a significant role in with regard to a couple's relationship? (p. 142)

Sex and in a couple's sense of trust, security, and fidelity.

What are habitual male users of mainstream pornography at greater risk of becoming? (p. 152)

Sexually callous toward female sexuality and concerns.

What does it mean that Jonah is confining his desires around bondage to pornography rather than with Stephanie? (p. 154)

That he's getting sexual satisfaction from someone else.

What truth does Evan admit about his girlfriend? (p. 156-157)

That she wasn't good enough. Because no woman can possibly be as attractive or sexy as the women in pornography-that's why Evan likes them so much.

What did Jonah's therapist tell him about his use of pornography? (p. 170)

That there's no reason to feel guilty; there's nothing wrong with pursuing his fantasies through pornography.

What do women often assume when they use pornography with their partner? (p. 146)

That they're satisfying all his sexual needs.