Chapter 8 Love CFS

Passionate attraction is rooted in two factors: (Elaine Hatfield and Ellen Berscheid)

(1) PHYSICAL AROUSAL such as a FAST HEART BEAT that is coupled with (2) the belief that ANOTHER PERSON is the CAUSE of your arousal (Berscheid & Walster, 1974). According to this two-factor perspective, romantic love is produced, or at least intensified, when feelings of arousal are associated with the presence of another attractive person.

Liking

(intimacy is high) but (passion and commitment are very low). Liking occurs in FRIENDSHIPS with real closeness and warmth that DO NOT AROUSE PASSION or the EXPECTATION that you will spend the rest of your life with that person. If a friend does arouse passion or is missed terribly when he or she is gone, the relationship has gone beyond liking and has become something else.

Helen Fisher's Theory of Love

-lust, attraction, attachment

Courtly Love

-the male partner was expected to be unmarried and the female partner married to someone else (Middle Ages) marriage continued to have nothing to do with romance; in contrast, it was a deadly serious matter of politics and property

Age affect

Another slowly changing personal characteristic that may affect love is one's age. Most people mellow as they get older (Shallcross et al., 2013). When researchers compared spouses in their sixties to those in their forties, they found that the older couples interacted with less physical arousal but with more good cheer. Their emotions were less intense, but more positive on the whole, even in marriages that were not particularly happy at the time (Levenson et al., 1994). So, some of the burning, urgent, emotional intensity that leads young people to marry seems to dwindle with time to be replaced with a more genial and more mature outlook on love.

Eros style of loving

Eros has a strong physical component, and erotic lovers are likely to be heavily influenced by physical appearance and to believe in LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

Infatuation

Exaggerated feelings of PASSION for another person Strong passion in the ABSENCE OF INTIMACY or COMMITMENT is infatuation, which is what people experience when they are aroused by others they barely know. Sternberg (1987) admits that he pined away for a girl in his 10th-grade biology class whom he never got up the courage to get to know. This, he now acknowledges, was nothing but passion. He was infatuated with her.

Lust

Intense and uncontrolled desire for sexual pleasure or the sex drive, which is regulated by the sex hormones. Lust drives successful reproduction by providing us the motivation to mate with others.

Men vs Women

Men: more romantic attitudes, love at first sight, fall in love faster, love is enough, 1ST to say I love you, less discriminating Woman: more CAUTIOUS than men when it comes to love; they're more SELECTIVE about whom they love, feeling passion more SLOWLY and limiting their affection to partners of higher mate value

Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love (8)

Nonlove Liking Infatuation Empty love Romantic Love Companionate Love Fatuous Love Consummate Love

eros love

The erotic lover finds good looks compelling and seeks an intense, passionate relationship.

Ludus

The ludic lover considers love to be a game and likes to play the field.

Agape

altruistic and dutiful

attachment

an emotional tie with another person a term used here to describe the feelings of comfort, security, and connection to a long-term mate that keep a couple together long enough to protect and sustain their very young children (Fletcher et al., 2015). Attachment drives companionate love, which is regulated by the neuropeptide OXYTOCIN. (More on that later.)

intimacy and passion are correlated that may help to keep one's passion alive by being good friends a infatuation b liking c companionate d consummate love

c companionate love

passion

characterized by physical arousal and desire, excitement, and need. Passion often takes the form of sexual longing, but any strong emotional need that is satisfied by one's partner fits this category. -HEAT

empty love

commitment only Commitment without intimacy or passion is empty love. In Western cultures, this type of love may occur in burned-out relationships in which the warmth and passion have died, and the decision to stay together is the only thing that remains. However, in other cultures in which marriages are arranged, empty love may be the first, rather than final, stage in the spouses' lives together.

components of love characteristics

commitment-cognitive intimacy-emotional passion-motive or drive

intimacy and commitment combine to form

companionate love

intimacy and compassion

compassionate love

Passion declines, but intimacy and commitment both increase as people age, and thus

compensate love may be more stable than romantic love

compassionate love is correlated with romantic/companionate love in that they all have a. commitment in common b. blind acceptance c. passion d. intimacy

d INTIMACY

Type of love in which intimacy and passion are correlated that may help to keep one's passion alive by being good friends a liking b consummate love c infatuation d companionate love

d companionate

maniac

demanding, possessive, and excitable.

even though fantasy enhances romance it

erodes with time and experience

Romantic love declines because

fantasy: enhances romance, lovers tend to idealize their partners and minimize or ignore information that should give them pause. Imagination, hope, and flights of fancy can make people who are quite different from us seem appealing, at least temporarily. novelty: adds excitement and energy to new loves. A first kiss is often much more thrilling than most of the thousands that follow, and when people are invigorated and fascinated by a new partner, they may be unable to appreciate how familiar and routine that same lover may seem 30 years later.

attraction

feeling of being drawn toward another and desiring the company of a person promotes the pursuit of a particular preferred romantic partner. Attraction drives pair-bonding by fueling romantic love, which is regulated by the neurotransmitter DOPAMINE in specific regions of the brain that control feelings of reward

Ludus style of love (John Alan lee)

interested in having multiple partners at the same time

4 attachment styles

intimacy passion commitment caring/caregiving PICC

Triangle Theory of Love

intimacy passion commitment. CIP

consummate love

intimacy + passion + commitment Finally, when intimacy, passion, and commitment are all present to a substantial degree, people experience "complete," or consummate, love. This is the type of love many people seek, but Sternberg (1987) suggests that it's a lot like losing weight: easy to do for a while, but hard to maintain over time.

Passion declines, but _____ both increase as we age

intimacy and commitment

companionate love

intimacy and commitment without passion comfortable, affectionate, trusting love for a likable partner, based on a deep sense of friendship and involving companionship and the enjoyment of common activities, mutual interests, and shared laughter Intimacy and commitment combine to form love for a close companion, or companionate love. Here, closeness, communication, and sharing are coupled with substantial investment in the relationship as the partners work to maintain a deep, long-term friendship. Companionate love is epitomized by a long, happy marriage in which the couple's youthful passion has gradually died down.

Romantic Love

intimacy and passion When high intimacy and passion occur together, people experience romantic love. Thus, one way to think about romantic love is as a combination of liking and infatuation. People often become committed to their romances, but Sternberg argues that commitment is not a defining characteristic of romantic love. -A summer love affair can be very romantic, for instance, even when both lovers know that it is going to end when the summer is over.

Friendship is an example of

liking

emotional intensity that leads young people to marry seems to dwindle with time to be replaced with a more ___________________ outlook on love

more genial and more mature outlook on love

Oxtocin

neuropeptide that promotes relaxation and reduces stress involves COMPANIONATE LOVE "love and cuddle hormones" more= people tend to be warmer and kinder when they discuss touchy topics with their spouses released by mothers during childbirth and breastfeeding (and in fact, a synthetic form of oxytocin, pitocin, is used to induce labor), and the more a young mother has in her blood, the more she'll cuddle and coo, look, and smile at her baby

Non-love

no intimacy, passion, or commitment If intimacy, passion, and commitment are all absent, love does not exist. Instead, you have a casual, superficial, uncommitted relationship between people who are probably just acquaintances, not friends.

fatuous love

passion and commitment Passion and commitment in the absence of intimacy create a foolish experience called fatuous love. ("Fatuous" means "stupid" and "lacking substance.") This type of love can occur in whirlwind courtships in which two partners marry quickly on the basis of overwhelming passion but don't know (or necessarily like) each other very well. In a sense, such lovers invest a lot in an infatuation—and that's a risky business.

pragma

practical, careful, and logical in seeking a mate

storage

prefers friendships that gradually grow into lasting commitments.

when romantic love is love, compassionate love is rooted in more accurate understanding of one's partners _____ and ____

strengths; weaknesses

compassionate love

the deep affectionate attachment we feel for those with whom our lives are intertwined a type of love that combines the trust and understanding of INTIMACY with COMPASSION and caring that involves empathy, selflessness, and sacrifice on behalf of the beloved understanding of our partners' strengths and weaknesses; we recognize their deficiencies, but we love them anyway

intimacy

the feelings of warmth, understanding, trust, support, and sharing that often characterize loving relationships. -WARMTH

Coolidge effect

the sexually arousing power of a new partner (greater than the appeal of a familiar partner)

commitment

which includes feelings of permanence, stability, and the decisions to devote oneself to a relationship and to work to maintain it. Commitment is mainly cognitive in nature, whereas intimacy is emotional and passion is a motive, or drive. The "HEAT" in loving relationships is assumed to come from PASSION, and the WARMTH from INTIMACY; in contrast, commitment can be a COOL-HEADED decision that is not emotional or temperamental at all.

Dopamine

works in reward and pleasure centers of our brain ROMANTIC PASSIONATE LOVE