COM 361 FINAL EXAM
o Workplace bullying
Isolation and loss, fragmented: everyday occurrence so it was hard to pinpoint start and finish of bullying Framing of coworkers: the people a part of it, the people who do nothing and the people who are playing both sides o Report Narrative Factual accounts: What actually happened, people telling stories Framing of coworkers: the people who played each role in the story o Quest Narratives: (the transformative journey) Story with beginning, middle and end-> they learned something from it, time has passed
• What are the three types of parenting and what are the effects on children of each?
1 vs. 2 Parents 2 is nice because they can use each other to figure out what is fair and smart. 1 parent can't give as much time and love to the kids. BUT the type of parent has more of an effect than the number of parents.
Functions of Friends at this point:
Psychosocial well being Informal social support Successful adaptation to aging.
Unique factors to Friendship and Aging:
1. Physical reality of Death 2. Long shared histories of individuals. 3. Importance of having friends own age.
o Work spouses:
o Work spouses: close trusted confidant, supportive, humor, support, reciprocity, trustworthy, inside jokes, adds predictability
• What are dialectical tensions (know the stuff on Relational Dialectics theory we discussed in class)
Three major dialects: Integration/separation: when you want to be together, but you also don't want to be together Internal: connection/ autonomy (within the relationship) External: relationships in context When you don't have anyone else around your family vs. when there you can never get anytime with just your family Stability/change Internal: predictability/ novelty: taco Tuesday, but also you want some variety sometimes on a Tuesday External; conventionality/ uniqueness We want our family to be normal, but we also want to special. Ex. Weddings Expression/ Privacy Internal: openness/ closedness In a family stuff you share and don't share External: revelations/concealment Saying all the things that are great about your relationship, but keeping the bad to yourself Things we like: distinguishes the internal and external aspects, acknowledges relationships are messy Things we don't like: can't predict anything
Maintenance strategies:
1. Self-disclosure 2. Shared activities 3. Continuing similarity
o Workplace Spouse:
close trusted confidant, humor, support, adds predictability to days, spousal relationship-ish
• Attraction theory
o 1. Appearance o 2. Proximity o 3. Similarity o 4. Complementarity- align ourselves with people who are different than us for benefits we cannot give ourselves
• Sections on Friendships & Work Place Relationships
o Workplace bullying Isolation and loss, fragmented: everyday occurrence so it was hard to pinpoint start and finish of bullying Framing of coworkers: the people a part of it, the people who do nothing and the people who are playing both sides o Workplace Spouse: close trusted confidant, humor, support, adds predictability to days, spousal relationship-ish
• uncertainty reduction theory
o You meet someone and you are uncertain about if you will like them, what will happen People are motivated to reduce their uncertainty about others
• social exchange theory
o a theory predicting that people seek to form and maintain relationships I which the benefits outweigh the costs o Profit: ratios of rewards and costs If we still see rewards outweigh costs, then the relationship is worth it o Comparison: Comparison level: what is a friendship supposed to be like (idealistic view) o CL-ALT Comparison level and alternative o Investment theory: layer of time, the longer you put time into something, backing out is a lot more risky
• What are the 5 "nature of personal Relationships"
1. Close Relationships Require Commitment: a. Need to be willing to stay committed to the relationship no matter what happens. Through good and bad. 2. Close Relationships Foster Interdependence: . What happens to one person in the relationship hurts everybody involved. People worry about all the people involved equally, not just themselves. 3. Close Relationships Require Continuous Investment: . Spend time and money and energy to make the relationship work, have to not be scared of never getting that back if the relationship fails. 4. Close Relationships Spark Dialectical Tensions: . Conflict between two important but opposing needs or desires. 1. Autonomy Vs. Connection- Wanting to be on your own but also needing the affection of the other person. 2. Openness Vs. Closedness- Want disclosure and honesty but also want to be able to keep certain things to yourself. 3. Predictability Vs. Novelty- Want things to be consistent and stable but also want to spice things up sometimes. 5. Managing Dialectical Tensions: . Denial- Respond to only one side of the tension and ignore the other. a. Disorientation- Escape the tension by ending the relationship. b. Alternation- Go back and forth between both sides of the tension. c. Segmentation- Deal with one side of the tension with certain aspects of the relationship and different aspects for the other side. d. Balance- Find a middle ground in between the two sides. e. Integration- Develop habits that will satisfy both sides of the tension. f. Recalibration- Reframe a tension so that the contradiction between the two sides disappears. g. Reaffirmation- Embrace dialectical tensions as a normal part of life.
Qualities of Friendships:
1. Friendships are Voluntary 2. Friendships are characterized by two major characteristics a. Freedom b. Intimacy 3. Friendship bond more fragile than other more institutionalized relationships 4. We expect that our friends will not change their desirable personality traits. 5. We also have an unwritten contract of the repayment of kindness and "provision of aid."
Four styles of later in life relationships:
1. Independents: Don't list friends, just situations where friends would be important to have. 2. Discerning: Don't try to make new friends but are vulnerable to losing friends. 3. Discerning to Independent: Have lost many friends due to age and are willing to make new friends but don't go out of their way...let the situation dictate. 4. Acquisitive: Have past friends and still make more. SUPER POPULAR OLDIES.
Factors for creating friendships:
1. Influenced by: a. Environmental factors: Proximity and social network. b. Individual factors: Physical attractiveness and social skills. c. Situational factors: Anticipated future interaction, frequency of contact, available time and energy to devote to new friendships. d. Dyadic factors: Similarity, reciprocity of liking, interpersonal attraction, reciprocal self-disclosure.
Dainton and Stafford:
1. Joint Activities: Activities both partners participate in to spend time together 2. Talk: Verbal communication that is more focused on topic breadth than depth. 3. Mediated Communication: Any form of communication that is not Face to Face. 4. Avoidance: Evasion of a partner or topic. 5. Antisocial: Use of behaviors considered socially unacceptable. 6. Affection: Displaying fondness for the partner. 7. Focus on Self: Behaviors that are self-directed but are intended for the good of the relationship.
Two primary communicative features studies:
1. Quality of Relationship & the role of storytelling: a. Talking outside of face to face helps the relationship, as long as there is also a lot of face to face communication b. Grandpas talked more about wars and history while grandmas talked about family history and relationships. 2. Age Salience: . How important age difference is. i. Teachers think they're sick and it makes for bad relationships a. Relationships in which age difference isn't important were stronger.
Aristotle's types of friends:
A. Utility- Characterized by their influence, power, skills or material resources they can provide. B. Pleasure- Characterized by pleasurable stimulation. C. Virtue- Characterized by their admirable qualities.
Relational Maintenance
Actions and activities used to sustain desired relational definitions. Things people do to keep their relationships alive. Stafford and Canary: 1. Task: Perform responsibilities specific to the relationship together. 2. Positivity: Positive effect of a communication event. 3. Assurances: Communication that stresses commitment to each other. 4. Networks: Can take the form of factions, but also change to include various roles 5. Openness: Directly discussing the nature of the relationship.
Cross sex relationships
Cross sex relationships are possible, sex doesn't always take over. They happen more in college because people are alone with girls whenever they want for the first time and they don't necessarily have to ask to hang out. It will just happen a lot. After college you have to make and effort.
• What are the communicative opportunities and challenges of the grandparent/child relationship? What are the two primary communicative features of the grandparent/child relationship that have been studied (and what are the major findings?)
Grandparents Communicative opportunities and challenges: 1. They are key to passing on family history. 2. They also play a very strong supportive role. 3. Caregivers goes both ways once the grandparents get too old. 4. Geographical proximity tends to be the biggest teller of how good a relationship will be. 5. Younger grandchildren tend to have better relationships than older ones.
Between Siblings:
Joint Activities was the most used. Openness was the least used. Positivity was a major key to how good the relationship was.
What are the findings about children raised by 1 vs 2 parents and gay/lesbian parents? Generally, know the strengths and weaknesses of: single-parent families and stepfamilies. What are the major findings for each?
Single parents tend to talk to their children more which leads to accelerated learning. Less pressure to conform to gender roles However they struggle to watch their children do homework which can hinder learning. Step-parents: -Don't remarry just to find a parental figure, it won't help. Gotta get married because of love. Step families are good because they force people to jump outside the traditional ideas of how a family grows and progresses.
• What are the three types of parenting and what are the effects on children of each?
Three types of parenting: 1. Authoritarian: Parents are demanding and don't let the kid have the say. 2. Permissive: Kids can do whatever they want but they are still affectionate. 3. Authoritative: In between, have demands but still listen to their kids.
• equity theory
o A theory predicting that a good relationship is one in which a person's ratio of costs and rewards is equal to that of the person's partner.
Understanding relational formation
o Approach behaviors: communication behaviors that signal one's interest in getting to know someone. o Avoidance behaviors: communication behaviors that signal one's lack of interest in getting to know someone.
• Relational Maintenance Behaviors
o Behaviors used to maintain and strengthen personal relationships Positivity: acting friendly Openness: being willing to discuss your relationship Assurances: expressing and stressing your commitment social networks: introducing one person to your other friends, family members and co-workers and sharing tasks: performing your fair share of the work in your relationship
Understanding Relational Maintenance
o Communication behaviors o Feeling appreciated and welcomed
• What are dialectical tensions (know the stuff on Relational Dialectics theory we discussed in class)
o Dialectical tension: contradictory or opposing tensions Two root ideas: contradiction: stay/go process: relationships are a process Contradiction Oppositions Negative oppositions: love/not love/ sad/not sad, hate/not hate Unity of opposites (unified opposites): opposites tell us something about each other Dynamic interplay: constant back and forth and in the middle ground, you want both (to stay and go) Assumptions: Communication bridges the relational gap: relationships are constituted in communication Contradictions are always present in relationships (ad comm. Play important role) Couples "act-into" a context The way you interact together is baes on where you are in the relationship and around different people/ situations/ settings
• Know the stages of coming together and coming apart.
o Differentiating: Start making the differences between each other Focus on individual rather than couple o Circumscribing Avoid topics and intimacy because it may lead to self-disclosure Decrease in number of interactions and topics discussed and depth of topics discussed Self-disclosures are not reciprocated o Stagnation Characterized by motionless, inactivity and silence Stop bringing up topics for fear of negative outcomes o Avoiding Begins the process of ending the relationship Avoid seeing and talking to each other o Termination Formally ending the relationship
• Know about families of origin and procreation. 4 Communication Issues in Families
o Family of origin: the family in which one grows up with (often consisting of one's parent and sibling) o Family of procreation: the family one starts as an adult (often consists of one's spouse and their children) • Family Roles: The function individuals serve in the family system. I.E. problem solver, jokester, peacemaker, etc. • Family Rituals: Repetitive behaviors that have a special meaning for a group or relationship. Some sort of tradition. Thanksgiving football. • Family Stories: Just a story that brings back memories or ones that we didn't even live but people talk about all the time because it is a part of the family history basically. • Family Secrets: Self-explanatory. Financial statements or somebody doing something dumb.
• What are characteristics of romantic relationships (including major terms)
o Romantic relationships and exclusivity Monogamy: being in only one romantic relationship at a time and avoiding romantic or sexual involvement with others outside of the relationship Infidelity: sexual involvement with someone other than one's romantic partner Polygamy: a practice in which one person is married to two or more spouses at the same time. o Romantic Relationships and voluntariness They are voluntary But some people may not stay in a relationship voluntarily Arranged marriages o Romantic relationships and love Depends on your culture: individualistic vs. collectivistic o Romantic relationships and sexuality Value intimacy and equality o Romantic relationships and permanence Spousal privileges Visitation Stepchildren Cohabitation and controlled property Inheritance and property rights Medical and burial decisions Domestic violence protection
• Communication Privacy Management (from p. 328 and our notes and the articles we read)
o The theory that explains how people manage the tension between privacy and disclosure Kali and Neal jointly own the information about their problems Miscarriages Some people are open books other, people are more private You define the line for your relationships
• 3 types of romantic couples
o Traditional couples: gender typical divisions of labor in which wives are in charge of housework and childbearing and the husbands are responsible for home repair and auto maintenance Engage in conflict, rather than avoid it o Separate couples: spouses are autonomous rather than interdependent, think of themselves as separate individuals generally do not engage in conflict and tend to ignore it o Independent couples: see themselves as being independent of social expectations for marriage, no gender norms, but they are highly interdependent, they engage in conflict
• Gottman's 4 types of couples (from book)
o Validating couples: talk about their conflict openly and cooperatively, stay calm and use humor and expressions to defuse tension o Volatile couples: are competitive in their arguments rather than cooperative, negative expressions, conflict is followed by making up or extreme affection o Conflict-avoiding couples: deal with their conflict indirectly rather than openly, agree to disagree, believe problems will sort themselves out o Hostile couples: experience frequent and intense conflict, harsh tones, anger, frustration, personal attacks, name calling
• Predicted outcome value theory:
o We form relationships when we think the effort will be worth it.
4 horsemen of the apocalypse (from our reading and discussion notes)
• 1. Criticism: attacking spouses' personality or character (usually with blame) o Differences between criticism and complaining (I vs. you) • 2. Contempt: partners insult and "psychologically abuse" each other o Show contempt by identifying their partner as incompetent, lazy and stupid • 3. Defensiveness: neither partner willing to take responsibility for their behavior o Deny responsibility, making excuses, disagreeing, cross-complaining, repeating yourself and whining Blaming others • 4. Stonewalling: occurs while one person is talking, and the other is not responding o Shut down
• Why do Social Relationships matter (including rewards and costs of them)]
• 1. We form relationships because we need to belong • 2. Social relationships bring rewards o Emotional rewards-> motivated o Material rewards-> raises o Health rewards-> mental health • 3. Social relationships also carry costs o Time, money, energy
• What are the 3 general approaches to defining families (covered in class)
• Structural: Any sort of Legal or Bloodbond. • Functional: The role we play. Things that families do. Give somebody to talk to. • This is how we can sometimes consider our friends family. • Transactional: Feeling of family. This and Functional are why arops call us cousins.
