Comm 101 Final Chapters 8 and 9

"I" language vs. "but" messages

"I" language: Statements that use the word I to express how a speaker is feeling "but" messages: Statements that use the word but that may communicate that whatever you've said prior to but is not really true

Acknowledgment of supporting material

1. Determine what should be acknowledged 2. Understanding plagiarism and its consequences 3. Acknowledging sources in oral citations

Irresolvable (intractable) conflicts

A conflict that one or both parties deem impossible to resolve

Face

A person's positive perception of himself or herself in interactions with others

Serial arguments

Argumentative episodes focused on the same issue that occur at least twice

Conflict triggers

Conflict triggers: Common perceived causes of interpersonal conflict 1. Criticism 2. Feeling Entitled 3. Perceived lack of fairness 4. More perceived costs than rewards 5. Different perspectives 6. Stress and lack of rest 7. Dialectical tension: Tension arising from a person's need for two things at the same time

Gunnysacking

Dredging up old problems and issues from the past to use against your partner

Identifying your general purpose and specific purpose

General purpose: the broad reason for giving a presentation: to inform, to persuade, or to entertain an audience Specific purpose: A concise statement of what listeners should be able to do by the time the speaker finishes the presentation

Generating main ideas

Main ideas: Subdivisions of the central idea of a presentation that provide detailed points of focus for developing the presentation 1. Does the central idea have logical divisions? 2. Can you think of several reasons the central idea is true? 3. Can you support the central idea with a series of steps or a chronological sequence?

Conflict myths

Myth 1: Conflict is always a sign of a poor interpersonal relationship Myth 2: Conflict can always be avoided Myth 3: Conflict always occurs because of misunderstandings Myth 4: Conflict can always be resolved

Organizing for listeners

Signpost: A verbal or nonverbal organizational signal Preview: A statement of what is to come Initial preview: First statement of the main ideas of a presentation, usually presented with or near the central idea Internal preview: A preview within the speech that introduce ideas still to come Transition: A word, phrase, or nonverbal cue that indicates movement from one idea to the next or the relationship between ideas Summary: A recap of what has been said Internal summary: A recap within the presentation of what has been said so far Final summary: A recap of all the main points of a presentation, usually occurring just before or during the conclusion

5 principles of power

1. Power exists in all relationships 2. Power derives from the ability to meet a person's needs 3. Both people in a relationship have some power 4. Power is circumstantial 5. Power is negotiated

Elements of conflict

1. An expressed struggle 2.Between at least two interdependent people 3. Incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference 4. Achieving a goal

Strategies for power negotiation

1. Assess needs 2. Identify power-based conflicts 3.Discuss power issues directly

Conflict management styles

1. Avoidance: Conflict management style that involves backing off and trying to side-step conflict 2. Accommodation: Conflict management style that involves giving in to the demands of others 3. Competition: Conflict management style that stresses winning a conflict at the expense of the other person involved 4. Compromise: Conflict management style that attempts to find the middle ground in a conflict 5. Collaboration: Conflict management style that uses other-oriented strategies to achieve a positive solution for all involved

Strategies for managing emotions

1. Be aware that you are becoming angry and emotionally volatile 2. Seek to understand why you are angry and emotional 3. Make a conscious decision about whether to express your anger 4. Select a mutually acceptable time and place to discuss a conflict 5. Plan your message 6. Breathe 7. Monitor nonverbal messages 8. Avoid personal attacks, name calling, and emotional overstatement 9. Take time to establish rapport 10. Use self-talk

Managing anger

1. Be determined not to get angry yourself 2. Get on the same physical level as the other person 3. Be silent 4. Express your concern nonverbally by displaying soft emotions 5. Make an appropriate empathetic statement 6. Remind yourself that you control your own emotions 7. Recognize that angry emotional outbursts rarely change someone's mind

Managing information

1. Clearly describe the conflict-producing events 2. Take turns talking 3. "Own" your statements by using descriptive "I" language 4. Use effective listening skills 5. Check your understanding of what others say and do 6.Be empathetic

Three forms of romantic relationships

1. Complementary relationship: A relationship in which one partner willingly and continuously cedes power to the other 2. Symmetrical relationship; A relationship characterized by similar control behaviors in partners; partners compete to dominate each other or both relinquish control to the other to avoid making decisions 3.Parallel relationship: A relationship in which power continually shifts from one partner to the other.

Types of conflict

1. Constructive conflict: Conflict characterized by cooperation in dealing with differences; helps build new insights and patterns in a relationship 2. Destructive conflict: Conflict characterized by a lack of cooperation in dealing with differences; dismantles relationships without restoring them. 3. Pseudoconflict: Conflict stemming from a lack of understanding. 4. Simple Conflict: Conflict over differences in ideas, definitions, perceptions, or goals. 5. Ego conflict: Conflict based on personal issues in which people attack each other's self-esteem.

Parts of the introduction

1. Get the audience's attention 2. Introduce the topic 3. Give the audience a reason to listen 4. Establish your credibility 5. State your central idea 6. Preview your main ideas

Managing goals

1. Identify your goal and your partner's goal 2. Identify where your goals and your partner's goals overlap

Types of supporting material

1. Illustration: A story or anecdote that provides an example of an idea, issue, or problem the speaker is discussing 2. Description: A word picture 3. Explanation: A statement that makes clear how something is done or why it exists in its present or past form 4. Definition: A statement of what something means 5. Analogies: A comparison between 2 ideas, things, or situations that demonstrates how something unfamiliar is similar to something the audience already understands 6. Statistics: Numerical data that summarize examples 7. Opinions

5 sources of power

1. Legitimate power: Power that is based on respect for a person's position 2. Referent power: Power that comes from our attraction to another person, or the charisma a person possesses 3. Expert power: Power based on a person's knowledge and experience 4. Reward power: Power based on a person's ability to satisfy our needs 5. Coercive power: Power based on the use of sanctions or punishments to influence others

Conflict management skills and techniques

1. Manage emotions: select a mutually acceptable time and place to discuss a conflict, plan your message, monitor nonverbal messages, avoid personal attacks, and use self-talk. 2. Manage information: Clearly describe the conflict-producing events, "Own" your statements by using descriptive "I" language, use effective listening skills and check your understanding of what others say and do. 3. Manage goals: Identify your goal and your partner's goal, and identify where your goals and your partner's goals overlap 4. Manage the problem: Define the problem before trying to solve it, think of lots of possible solutions, and systematically discuss the pros and cons of the possible solutions together.

Patterns of organization for main ideas

1. Organizing ideas topically: Organization determined by the speaker's discretion or by recency, primacy, or complexity 2. Organizing ideas chronologically: Organization by time or sequence 3. Organizing ideas spatially: Organization according to location, position, or direction 4. Organizing ideas to show cause and effect: Organization by discussing a situation and its causes, or a situation and its effects 5. Organizing ideas by problem and solution: Organization by discussing first a problem and then various solutions

Six hallmarks of constructive conflict

1. People change 2. People interact with an intent to learn instead of an intent to protect themselves 3. People don't stay stuck in conflict when the conflict is constructive 4. Constructive conflict enhances self-esteem in the participants 5. Constructive conflicts are characterized by a relationship focus instead of a purely individualistic focus 6. Constructive conflict is primarily cooperative.

Speaker anxiety and strategies for building confidence

Speaker anxiety: anxiety about speaking in public that is manifested in physiological symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, butterflies in the stomach, shaking knees and hands, quivering voice, and increased perspiration Strategies: 1. Understand speaker anxiety 2. Know how to develop a presentation 3. Be prepared 4. Focus on your audience 5. Focus on your message 6. Give yourself a mental pep talk 7. Use deep-breathing techniques 8. Take advantage of opportunities to speak 9. Seek professional help

Conflict management skills

1. Manage your emotions 2. Manage Information 3. Manage goals 4. Manage the problem

Developing your central idea

Central idea: A definitive point about a topic 1. An audience-centered idea 2. A single topic 3. A complete declarative sentences 4. Direct, specific language

Constructive vs. Destructive

Constructive: Conflict that helps build new insights and establishes new patterns in a relationship Destructive: Conflict that dismantles rather than strengthens relationships

Conflict types

Psuedoconflict: Conflict triggered by a lack of understanding and miscommunication Simple conflict: Conflict that stems from different ideas, definitions perceptions or goals Ego conflict: Conflict in which the original issue is ignored as partners attack each other's self-esteem

Stages of relational escalation

1. Pre-interaction awareness: the 1st stage in which one is becoming aware of one's attraction to another person and observing that person but not actually interacting. 2. Initiation stage: The first contact with a person with whom one desires a relationship; usually characterized by asking and answering questions. 3. Exploration stage: The stage that involves more in-depth interactions 4. Intensification stage: The stage in which partners begin to depend on each other for self-confirmation; characterized by more shared activities, more time spent together, more intimate physical distance and contact, and personalized language. 5. Intimacy stage: The stage in which partners provide primary confirmation of each other's self-concept; characterized by highly personalized and synchronized verbal and nonverbal communication.

Conflict as a process, including stages

1. Source: Prior conditions 2. Beginning: Frustration awareness 3. Middle: Active conflict 4. End: Resolution 5. Aftermath: Follow-up

Parts of the conclusion

1. Summarize the presentation 2. Reemphasize the central idea in a memorable way 3. Motivate the audience to respond 4. Provide closure

Stages of relational de-escalation

1. Turmoil stage: The stage characterized by increased conflict, less mutual acceptance, a tense communication climate, and an unclear relationship definition. 2. Stagnation stage: The stage in which a relationship loses its vitality, partners begin to take each other for granted, and communication and physical contact decline. 3. De-intensification stage: The stage involving significantly decreased interaction, increased distance, and decreased dependence on one's partner for self-confirmation. 4. Individualization stage: The stage in which partners define their lives more as individuals and less as a couple. 5. Separation stage: The stage in which individuals make an intentional decision to minimize or eliminate further interpersonal interaction. 6. Post-interaction stage: The bottom, or final, stage in relational de-escalation, which represents the lasting effects of a relationship on the self.

Speaking notes

1. Use note cards 2. Use standard outline form 3. Include your introduction and conclusion in abbreviated form 4. Include your central idea, but not your purpose statement 5. Include supporting material and signposts 6. Include delivery cues

Managing the problem

1. Use principled negotiation strategies 2. Use a problem-solving structure 3. Develop a solution that helps each person save face

Outlining

1. Use standard numbering 2. Use at least two subdivisions for each point 3. Line up your outline correctly 4. Within each level, make the headings grammatically parallel

Strategies for selecting and narrowing your topic

1. Who is the audience? 2. What is the occasion? 3. What are my interests and experiences? 4. Conducting silent brainstorming 5. Scanning web directories and web pages 6. Listening and reading for topic ideas

Sources of supporting material

1. Yourself 2. The internet 3. Online databases 4. Traditional library resources

Interpersonal conflict

A struggle that occurs when two people cannot agree on a way to meet their needs.

Compliance gaining strategies

Accuse, Blame, Complain, Demand, Excuse, Forbid, Insist, Joke, Order, Permit, Question, Remark, Suggest, Tell, Vow, and Warn. See all 48 of them on page 229!

Assertive vs. aggressive communication conflict management styles and types of responses for each

Assertive communication: Communication that takes a listener's feelings and rights into account Aggressive communication: Self-serving communication that does not take a listener's feelings and rights into account Nonconfrontational style: A conflict management style that involves backing off, avoiding conflict, or giving in to the other person Confrontational style: A win-lose approach to conflict management in which one person wants control and to win at the expense of the other Cooperative style: A conflict management style in which conflict is viewed as a set of problems to be solved rather than as a competition in which one person wins and another loses.

Differences in how individualistic and collectivistic cultures manage conflict

Individualistic cultures: 1. The purpose of conflict is to air major differences and problems 2. Conflict can be either functional or dysfunctional 3. Repressed, unconfronted problems can lead to dysfunctional conflict 4. Functional conflict provides an opportunity for solving problems 5. Substantive and relational issues in conflict should be handled separately 6. Conflict should be handled directly and openly 7. Effective conflict management should be a problem-solving activity with a win-win outcome Collectivistic cultures: 1. Conflict is damaging to self-respect and relational harmony; t should be avoided as much as possible 2. For the most part, conflict is dysfunctional 3. Conflict signals emotional immaturity and a lack of self-discipline 4. Conflict provides a testing ground for skillful negotiation and "face-saving" 5. Substantive and relational issues are always intertwined 6. Conflict should be handled discreetly and subtly 7. Effective conflict management should be a face-saving negotiation game with a win-win outcome.

Cyberinfidelity

Online sexual activity outside of one's in-person, monogamous relationship.

Gender and conflict

People with Feminine styles: Are concerned with equity and caring; they connect with and feel responsible to others Interact to achieve closeness and interdependence Attend to interpersonal dynamics to assess the relationship's health Encourage mutual involvement Attribute crises to problems in the relationship Are concerned with the impact of the relationship on personal identity And respond to conflict by often focusing mainly on the relationship People with Masculine styles: Are concerned with equality of rights and fairness; they adhere to abstract principles and rules Interact to achieve specific goals; they seek autonomy and distance Are less aware of interpersonal dynamics protect self-interest Attribute crises to problems eternal to the relationship Are neither self- nor relationship- centered Respond to conflict by often focusing on rules and being evasive until a unilateral decision is reached

Relational dialectics (three types)

Relational dialectics: A perspective that views interpersonal relationships as constantly changing rather than stable and that revolves around how relational partners manage tensions. Three types: 1. Integration-separation: Autonomy versus connection. 2. Stability-change: Predictability versus novelty. 3. Expression-privacy: Openness versus closedness