comm 240 test 3

What is emotional intelligence?

This is the ability to understand and manage one's own emotions and to be sensitive to others' feelings. Emotional intelligence is positively linked with self-esteem and life satisfaction, healthy conflict communication, and effective workplace interactions.

What is flooding?

When a person has strong emotions, many bodily changes occur. For example, components of fear include an increased heartbeat, a rise in blood pressure, and increase in adrenaline secretions, an elevated blood sugar level, a slowing of digestion, and a dilation of pupils. Symptoms like these also occur when couples are in intense conflicts. This condition "flooding" and has found that it impedes effective problem solving.

Evaluating

a response appraises the sender's thoughts or behaviors in some way. The evaluation may be favorable or unfavorable. In either case, it implies that the person evaluating is in some way qualified to pass judgment on the speaker's thoughts or actions.

four types of intimacy

emotional physical intellectual shared activities

Analyzing

in this situation, the listener offers an interpretation of a speaker's message ("I think what's really bothering you is . . ."; "She's doing it because . . ."; or "Maybe the problem started when he . . ."). Interpretations are often effective in helping people who have problems seeing alternative meanings of a situation - meanings they would have never thought of without your assistance.

Mindful listening

involves giving careful and thoughtful attention and responses to the messages we receive. You tend to listen mindfully when a message is important to you, and also when someone you care about is speaking about a matter that is important to him or her. In situations like these, you want to give you the message-sender your complete and undivided attention.

Empathizing

is a response style listeners use when they want to show that they identify with a speaker. Sometimes these responses can be brief like "Uh-huh," "Wow!" or "My goodness." Genuine empathizing ideally requires genuine identification with another person. Empathizing is therefore an important skill not only for interacting with people with whom you agree, but also for responding to those who see the world differently than you.

Insulated listening

is almost the opposite of selective listening. Instead of looking for something, these listeners avoid it. Whenever a topic arises they would rather not deal with, insulated listeners simply fail to hear or acknowledge it.

Paraphrasing

is feedback that restates, in your own words, the message you thought the speaker sent. In effective paraphrasing you restate what you think the speaker has said in your own words as a way of checking the meaning you've assigned to the message. Paraphrasing allows you to find out if the message received is the message the sender intended. Paraphrasing often draws out further information from the speaker, much like questioning. Paraphrasing is an ideal way to take out to take the heat out of intense discussions.

Pseudolistening

is only an imitation of the real thing. Pseudolisteners give the appearance of being attentive: They look you in the eye, and they may even nod and smile, but their minds are in another world.

Ambushing

is when a person will listen carefully to you, but only because he or she is collecting information that will be used to attack what you have to say.

Filling in gaps

is when people like to think that what they remember makes a whole story.

Defensive listening

is when people take innocent comments as personal attacks.

Questioning

occurs when the listener asks the speaker for additional information. There are several reasons to ask sincere, nondirective questions: to clarify meanings, to learn about others' thoughts, feelings, and wants, to encourage elaboration, to encourage discovery, and to gather more facts and details.

Mindless listening

occurs when we react to others' messages automatically and routinely, without much mental investment, sort of low-level information processing is a potentially valuable type of communication, since it frees us to focus our minds on messages that require our careful attention.

Stage hogging

people are interested only in expressing their ideas and don't care about what anyone else has to say. These individuals allow you to speak from time to time, but only so they can catch their breath and use your remarks as a basis for their own babbling.

Selective listening

people respond only to the parts of a speaker's remarks that interest them, rejecting everything else.

Know Knapp's stages of relationship progression and dissolution. Be able to define and identify an example.

1. Initiating stage shows that you are interested in making contact and to demonstrate that you are a person worth talking to. Communication during this stage is usually brief. 2. Experimenting stage is an early stage in relational development, consisting of a search for common ground. If the experimentation is successful, the relationship progresses to intensifying. If not, it may go no further. The hallmark of experimenting is small talk. 3. Intensifying stage is a relational stage following experimenting, in which the interactants move toward integration by increasing their amount of contact and the breadth by their different cultural perceptions and symbol systems. Participating in shared activities, hanging out with mutual friends, or taking trips together and beginning to discover one another's flaws. 4. Integrating stage begins as the relationship strengthens and individuals being to take on an identity as a social unit. Invitations begin to come addressed to a couple. Social circles merge. The partner's share each other's commitments. Common property may being to be designated, example, "our apartment, our car, etc." As we become integrated with others, our sense of obligation to them grows. As integration increases and as we become more intimate, uncertainty about our relationship decreases. 5. Bonding stage is when partners make symbolic public gestures to show the world that their relationships exist. These gestures can take the form of a contract between business partners or a license to be married. Bonding typically generates social support for the relationship. Custom and law impose certain obligations on partners who have officially bonded. We'll define bonded relationships as those involving a significant measure of public commitment. The key is that bonding is the culmination of a developed relationship - the "officializing" of a couple's integration. Relationships don't have to be romantic to achieve bonding. 6. Differentiating stage is a relational stage in which the partners reestablish their individual identities after having bonded. This transition often shows up in a couple's pronoun usage. Instead of talking about "our" weekend plans, differentiating conversations focus on what "I" want to do. Differentiation also can be positive, for people need to be individuals as well as part of a relationship. Think, for instance, of young adults who want to forge their own unique lives and identity, even while maintaining their relationships with their families of origin. Differentiating is often a part of normal relational maintenance, in which partners manage the inevitable challenges that come their way. 7. Circumscribing stage is a relational stage in which partners begin to reduce the scope of their contact and commitment to one another. Subtle hints of dissatisfaction grow more evident. Ironically, both partners in a circumscribed relationship still cooperate in one way: suppressing the true status of the relationship. They hide its decline from others and even from themselves. Restrictions and restraints characterize this stage, and dynamic communication become static. Circumscribing doesn't involve total avoidance, which comes later. Rather it entails a shrinking of interest and commitment. 8. Stagnating stage is a relational stage characterized by declining enthusiasm and standardized forms of behavior. Members behave toward each other in old, familiar ways without much feeling. No growth occurs. We see stagnation in many workers who have lost enthusiasm for their job yet continue to go through the motions for years. 9. Avoiding stage is a relational stage immediately prior to terminating in which the partners minimize contact with one another. Sometimes they do it under the guise of excused or sometimes directly. We gain distance through expressing detachment, avoiding involvement, showing antagonism, and mentally dissociate from the other person. A vicious cycle gets started when avoiding the other person: the more one person avoids the other, the greater the odds the other will reciprocate. And the more topics that are avoided, the less satisfactory is the relationship. 10. Terminating stage is the conclusion of a relationship, characterized by the acknowledgement of one or both partners that the relationship is over. Characteristics of this stage include summary dialogues of where the relationship has gone and the desire to dissociate. Depending on each person's feelings this terminating stage can be quite short or it may be drawn out over time, with bitter jabs at each other.

irrational thinking (the fallacies)

1. the fallacy of perfection 2. the fallacy of approval 3. the fallacy of shoulds 4. the fallacy of overgeneralization 5. the fallacy of causation 6. the fallacy of helplessness 7. the fallacy of catastrophic expectations

Advising

A listening response in which the receiver offers suggestions about how the speaker should deal with a problem. Examples "If you're so unhappy, you should just quit the job"; "Just tell him what you think"; "You should take some time off."

Understand how thoughts cause feelings

A method, termed a rational-emotive approach, does exist. This reappraisal method is based on the idea that the key to changing feelings is to change unproductive cognitive interpretations. For most people, emotions seem to have a life of their own. People wish they could feel calm when approaching strangers, yet their voices quiver. They try to appear confident when asking for a raise, but their eyes twitch nervously. Many people would say that the strangers or the boss makes them feel nervous, just as they would say that a bee sting cause them to feel pain. People's interpretations of events determine their feelings.

Hearing

A physiological process; the nonselective process of sound waves impinging on the ear. It can be diminished by physiological disorders, background-noise, or auditory fatigue.

Attending

A psychological process; We would go crazy if we attended to every thing we hear, so we filter out some messages and focus on others. Not surprisingly, we attend most carefully to messages when there's a payoff for doing so.

fallacy of approval

Communicators who subscribe to the fallacy of approval go to incredible lengths to seek acceptance from others, even to the extent of sacrificing their own principles and happiness. Adherence to this irrational myth can lead to some ludicrous situations, such as feeling nervous because people you really don't like seem to disapprove of you, or feeling apologetic when you are not at fault.

Understand dialectical tensions

Dialectical tensions are conflicts that arise when two opposing or incompatible forces exist simultaneously. Their focus is on the ongoing maintenance of relationships. They argue that communicators seek important but apparently incompatible goals. Integration versus separation includes connection-autonomy dialectic, and inclusion-seclusion dialectic. Stability versus change includes predictability-novelty dialectic, and the conventionality-uniqueness dialectic. Expression versus privacy includes the openness-closedness dialectic and the revelation-concealment dialectic.

Supporting

responses reveal the listener's solidarity with the speaker's situation. Supporting is described as expressions of care, concern, affection, and interest, especially during times of stress or upset. Examples: "Yeah, that class was tough for me too" or "I know you'll do a great job." Supportive responses can enhance the psychological, physical, and relational health of those who receive them.

Emotional

sharing important information and feelings

Physical

some physical intimacy is sexual, but this category also can include affectionate hugs, kisses, and even struggles.

Shared activities

some shared experiences, struggling together against obstacles or living together as housemates can create strong bonds.

Silent listening

staying attentive and non-verbally responsive without offering any verbal feedback. Example - There are times when the best response is to say nothing. This is certainly true when you don't want to encourage a speaker to keep talking. For instance, recall times when a boss or instructor droned on and on when you, needed to leave for an appointment, or instances when a friend retold the story of a love affair gone bad for what seemed like the tenth time. In situations like these, a verbal response would only encourage the speaker to continue.

How does gender and culture impact emotional expression and interpretation?

Even within our own culture, gender roles often shape the ways in which men and women experience and express their emotions. For example, research suggests that women are faster than men at recognizing both positive and negative emotions from facial cues, are better at recognizing multiple emotions, and are more physiologically attuned to emotions than men. Research on emotional expression suggests that there is also some truth in the cultural stereotype of an inexpressive male and the more demonstrative female. On the whole, women seem more likely than men to verbally and nonverbally express a wide range of feelings. One study showed that fathers mask their emotions more than mothers do, which led their children to have more difficulty reading their fathers' emotional expressions. Whether on the Internet or in face-to-face conversations, mend tend to be less emotionally expressive, particularly when it comes to revealing feelings of vulnerability, including fear, sadness, and loneliness, and embarrassment. Both sexes feel and express anger equally.

What is the difference between facilitative and debilitative emotions?

Facilitative emotions, which contribute to effective functioning, and debilitative emotions, which hinder or prevent effective performance. A classic example of a debilitative emotion is communication apprehension - feelings of anxiety that plague some people at the prospect of communicating in an unfamiliar or difficult context, such as giving a speech, meeting strangers, or interviewing for a job. One big difference between facilitative and debilitative emotions is their intensity. A second characteristic of debilitative feelings is their extended duration. Feeling depressed for a while after the breakup of a relationship or the loss of a job is natural.

Responding

Giving observable feedback to the speaker; a major difference between effective and ineffective listening was the kind of feedback offered.

five components

Hearing Attending Understanding Remembering Responding

What are the barriers to listening effectively?

Information overload, personal concerns, rapid thought, and noise are all barriers to listening.

What does it mean to accept responsibility for your emotions?

It's important to make sure that your emotional responsibility each of us has for our own emotions. It is important to make sure that your emotional expressions don't blame others for the way you feel. The "I" language makes it clear that you own your feelings. For example, instead of saying "You're making me angry," it's more accurate to say, "I'm feelings angry." Instead of "You hurt my feelings," a more responsible statement is, "I feeling hurt when you do that."

How do we categorize relationship transgressions?

Minor versus significant, social versus relational, and deliberate versus unintentional. Some types of relational transgressions are lack of commitment, (failure to honor important obligations, self-serving dishonesty, unfaithfulness), distance, (physical separation and psychological separation), disrespect, (criticism), problematic emotions, (jealousy, unjustified suspicion, rage), and aggression, (verbal hostility and physical violence).

What is metacommunication?

Not all relational messages are nonverbal. Metacommunication is used to describe messages that refer to other messages. In other words, metacommunication is communication about communication. Example, "I wish we could stop arguing so much," or "I appreciate how honest you've been with me."

fallacy of should

One huge source of unhappiness is the inability to distinguish between what is and what should be, or the fallacy of should. For instance, imagine a person who is full of complaints about the world: "There should be no rain on weekends," or "Money should grow on trees." Becoming obsessed with should yields three bad consequences. First, this preoccupation leads to unnecessary unhappiness. Second, the obsession keeps you from changing unsatisfying conditions. Finally, this obsession tends to build a defensive climate in others.

What is emotional contagion?

Our emotions are also affected by the feelings of those around us through emotional contagion, the process by which emotions are transferred from one person to another. We catch feelings from one another as though they were some kind of social virus. There is evidence that students "catch" the mood of their teachers, that husbands and wives directly, and that coworkers can affect each other's emotions, especially positive ones.

fallacy of causation

People who live their lives in accordance with the fallacy of causation believe they should do nothing that can hurt or in any way inconvenience others because it will cause undesirable feelings. For example, you might visit friends or family out of a sense of obligation rather than a genuine sense desire to see them because, you believe, not to visit them will hurt their feelings.

fallacy of catastrophic expectations

Some fearful people operate on this assumption that if something bad can happen, it probably will. This is the fallacy of catastrophic expectations - a position similar to Murphy's Law. Examples: "If I invite them to the party, they probably won't want to come," or "If I speak up in order to try and resolve a conflict, things will probably will get worse."

Exchange theory

Some relationships are based on an economic model called exchange theory. This approach suggests that we often seek out people who can give us rewards that are greater than or equal to the costs we encounter in dealing with them. Rewards - Costs = Outcome. We use this formula to calculate whether a relationship is a "good deal" or "not worth the effort," based on whether the outcome is positive or negative.

Remembering

The ability to recall information once we've understood it is a function of several factors: the number of times the information is heard or repeated, how much information there is to store in the brain, and whether the information may be "rehearsed" or not. People remember only about half of what they hear immediately after hearing it, even when they listen mindfully.

How does friendship before a romantic relationship impact the relationship after you break up?

The best predictor of whether the individuals will become friends after the relationship is terminated is whether they were friends before their romantic involvement. The way the coup splits up also makes a difference. It's no surprise to find that friendships are most possible when communication during the breakup was positive. When communication during termination is negative, friendships are less likely.

What is listening fidelity?

The degree of congruence between what a listener understands and what the message-sender was attempting to communicate.

fallacy of helplessness

The fallacy of helplessness suggests that forces beyond our control determine satisfaction in life. People with this outlook continually see themselves as victims. Example: "I was born with a shy personality. I'd like to be more outgoing, but there's nothing I can do about it." When viewed in this light, many "can'ts" are really rationalizations to justify an unwillingness to change.

fallacy of overgeneralization

The fallacy of overgeneralization occurs when a person bases a belief on a limited amount of evidence. Example: "I'm so stupid! I can't understand how to do my income tax," or "Some friend I am! I forgot my best friend's birthday." In these cases people have focused on a single shortcoming as if it represented everything.

What is self talk?

The non-vocal, internal monologue, that is our process of thinking.

Understanding

Aware of the syntactic and grammatical rules of language, knowledge about the source of the message, the context of the message, and it depends on the listener's mental abilities. Personality traits of listeners also affect their ability to understand messages.

Understand emotionally counterfeit messages

Many communicators think they are expressing feelings when, in fact, their statements are emotionally counterfeit. For example, it sounds emotionally revealing to say "I feel like going to a show" or "I feel we've been seeing too much of each other." But in fact, neither of these statements has any emotional content. You can recognize the absence of emotion in each case by adding a genuine word of feelings to it. Example: "I'm bored and I want to go to a show."

fallacy of perfection

Many debilitative feelings come from accepting a number of irrational thoughts that lead to illogical conclusions and, in turn, to debilitating feelings. People who accept the fallacy of perfection believe that a worthwhile communicator should be able to handle any situation with complete confidence and skill.

The guidelines for expressing emotions

Recognize your feelings, choose the best language, share multiple feelings, recognize the difference between feelings and acting, accept responsibility for your feelings, and choose the best time and place to express your feelings.

What is emotional labor?

Researchers us the term emotional labor to describe situations in which managing and even suppressing emotions is both appropriate and necessary. Studies show that emotion labor is an important component of many if not most occupations.

Intellectual

when you engage another person in an exchange of important ideas, a kind of closeness develops